Chapter Text
Inej Ghafa has had a lot of worst days of her life. Days that make her feel cold to the core and make her shake and her vision blur, but there had been so many she had stopped making an ordered list. Today, however, may hit number 1 for weeks straight on the radios.
It began normally enough. She had been a TA for a biology professor that also worked at the university hospital that semester. Because TAs were sadly unpaid at Ketterdam University, Professor Dryden offered a free full body check up instead. Inej had squirmed, insisting it was alright, but he had insisted.
And now, she was sitting in his office. All the kindness gone from his eyes, instead a serious furrow to his blonde eyebrows. She squirmed again, her hands wedged in her pockets as she thumbed the switch blade attached to her apartment key chain. Inej, who had rarely been granted comfort from others, found comfort in her switchblade. It would always protect her, and if not, she would at least die fighting. Not like before.
Now, it seemed even her blade couldn't protect her from whatever fate the MRI scan held for her(though she supposed she could cut it up).
“Inej, do you ever get blind spots in your vision? Raging headaches Tylenol can’t solve?”
Inej nodded. She was an overworked college student with many traumas. Of course she had symptoms for everything.
“Was it ever concerning?”
“No.” Inej was growing irritated now. It would be better if they could skip the questionnaire and just start marking her date of death on a google calendar. She’ll mock up the email to her professors when she gets home.
Dear Professor Haskell,
I regret to inform you I will stop attending your class on (date, time) due to my death. Please do not let that reflect my overall attendance and grade.
Thank you,
Inej Ghafa
“Your memory has been unreliable recently, hasn’t it?”
She nodded again.
“Inej, you have a brain tumor.” Dryden finally says, his lips pursing. “I need to do a biopsy to figure out if surgery will work.”
“Can I live without surgery?”
“Well, just about 6 months before you pass.”
“How long will I have with the surgery?”
“A year if all goes well, then we can commence treatment.”
Inej nearly laughed. What? An extra six months so she could rack up more student debt and possibly debt to the hospital? Dresden was kind enough to insist upon this stupid MRI, but she doubts it’ll extend to a literal brain surgery. Then what? Treatment she can’t hide, chemo she can’t afford, and medicine that’ll make her weak.
“What’s the fail rate?”
“About 25% of patients make it to the full year.” Dryden seemed to realize his odds in convincing Inej to seek treatment. “However, without surgery, your last six months will be a steep mental decline. It’ll be painful.”
“It was nice working with you, Professor Dryden.” Inej smiled instead, gathering her tote bag and rising.
“Inej, wait-“ He said in alarm as she strided out of his office. She bit her lip hard as she felt her eyes begin to sting with that horrible tell of a sob.
Her phone rang.
Nina.
She would surely cry if she picked up the phone to talk to Nina, sweet Nina, her best friend she swore to love until death. She could imagine the way the sob would tear through Nina, her beautiful features contorting to pain and the scream she would let out. She could see the way Nina would immediately speed her to the hospital and sign her up for the earliest surgery date. The herbal cures Nina would research and the trips to the church she stopped attending once she turned 18.
Inej decided then she would not tell Nina. Not Jesper either because she would see the flame from his eyes go out. Not Wylan with his baby cherub cheeks streaked with tears he had never been good at holding. Not even Matthias who would grow a different kind of silent.
Inej sped out of Ketterdam University Hospital, weaving through the crowd of students and patients alike. She was now both.
Her phone rang again. Jesper. She was drawing blood the way she bit down on her lip.
This was her burden to shoulder, wasn’t it? She would keep her mouth shut.
She made it back to her apartment fast, only up 2 blocks and around a corner. Nina might be there, but Inej was too overwhelmed to figure out another plan. Her death had never seemed so magnanimous. Not when she had been sold into human trafficking at 14, where death would’ve been a better visitor than her guests. Not when she lied on the coasts of Ketterdam after escaping and wondering if she had anything to go back to, where death felt like housing. Not when she had found out her long lost brother was dead, where death felt like his thin arms and wiry shoulders.
Now, death felt wrong . She had lived until here, after so much, and now that she had finally gained her footing, the floor was being tugged out from under her. Her captors were still out there alive and healthy and her family could possibly be alive too. She had things to do. A master’s candidacy to achieve. A job to start. Six months could not be it.
“Oh, Inej, there you are.” Nina smiled. Inej hadn’t even registered getting onto the elevator or unlocking her door or getting home at all. She was in a daze. How could she just have six months?
For Nina, Inej snapped out of it. “Oh yeah, my hands were too busy to pick up. What was the call about?”
“Oh, Jesper and Wylan wanna go out to the Crow Club tonight.”
“Didn’t we go yesterday?”
Nina frowned.
“Inej, babe, we went two weeks ago.” Your memory has been odd recently, hasn’t it?
“Ah,” Inej laughed, but it sounded hollow to her own ears. The smallest bunching of Nina’s eyebrows told Inej she must’ve noticed too. “I’m way overworked, so my brain’s weird. I’m done TA’ing for Dresden today though.” Inej smiled again. It felt too wide. Her cheeks hurt.
“Alright, I’ll text Jesper.” Nina said, though she gave Inej another odd glance before turning to her phone.
“What about Matthias?”
“He decided to be all holier than thou again, so we’re fighting.” Nina shrugged, but her lips pressed into a thin line to barely suppress her anger. Inej let out a real laugh this time. Saints, Inej was dying in six months and, of course, Nina and Matthias would still be half together half not the entire time.
“Go over tonight.” Inej said, a hand on Nina’s shoulder briefly before she started to her room. “Matthias is useless without you.”
Nina smiled. “I know.”
***
Jesper and Wylan were already two drinks in by the time Nina and Inej arrived. Wylan’s cheeks were redder than usual, presumably because of the casual arm Jesper had slung around his shoulder and the mere inches between their faces. Jesper was talking his mouth off when it wasn’t busy with the lager in his hand. The four were well over the age of drinking now, but beers were still Jesper’s favorite and Wylan’s subsequent pick too. Nina preferred Martinis and Inej drank Shirley Temples.
“Inej! Nina!” Wylan desperately raised a hand as he saw them approaching. Nina held a hand up in hello and Inej waved as they slid into the booth across. “He's had me in this chokehold for like half an hour.”
“When did you guys get here?” Nina quirked an eyebrow. Inej kicked Jesper hard under the table, releasing Wylan from his grip.
“Like half an hour ago.” Wylan said sourly. “You guys want drinks?”
“Barkeep, another round for my sexy friends, please!” Jesper hollered. Nina groaned.
***
They parted at midnight to prevent the usual turn of events, which would be Jesper betting on dart games with strangers, Nina screaming at Matthias through her phone, Wylan falling asleep at the bar, and Inej having to throw them all in a cab. Wylan had been released from his hold for just ten minutes before Jesper secured his arm around him again as they walked off into the night. Nina was in between tipsy and absolutely gone when she ordered a cab to Matthias’s apartment.
“I’ll show him who’s difficult.” Nina scowled as she got in. “Taxi driver! To the north!”
Inej sighed and peeked in through the window of the car to say Matthias’s real address. To be fair, it was on North campus.
So, that left just her again. Her fingers traced her switch again as she started quickly moving to her apartment.
There, Inej closed the door and let her tears slip.
They were slow and quiet, the way she learned the cry at the Menagerie.
“Saints, this is so ridiculous.” Inej sniffled, wandering to the balcony. The moon had always been her friend since she was young, just a large marvel in the sky that would remain constant. Even during the new moon, when the sky was its darkest, Inej found comfort in the idea that it was there even if she couldn’t see it. She thought of her family the same way, as far as they would be at this moment. A shooting star streaked past.
“Doom to this miserable fucking world.” She practically spit out, rubbing her eyes so hard she was sure she was going to reach bone soon. “Saints, this is so fucked up.” She let out a scream. “Doom to the entire fucking world!”
It was hard to be religious sometimes. When Saints and Gods were so far as Inej looked at the end of her life. A shadow twitched and Inej had her switchblade in her hand immediately. Was it Sankta Anastasia here to heal her? It was a ridiculous thought that only a dying girl could have.
“Did somebody say doom?” A voice like grinding rock salt suddenly came from behind Inej.
***
It was very ridiculous for Doom to use a human name when he very much was not human. He wasn’t even sure he was a he. This was merely a form that was for sure a he based on the downstairs compartment. A form with a bad leg that had forced him to acquire a crow’s head cane sometime before Christ. A form with a name given to him by a child he watched die due to greed. Well, not greed. Due to him, really. Greed is just another precursor to doom. All paths lead to Kaz, if you will.
Kaz. Slavic origins meaning famous destroyer of peace. Jordie had merely named him such after a comic book character. He occasionally can appreciate the way fate works.
A pipe burst as he walked by. This was his boring, mundane kind of Doom. It was hard to execute such grand displays of doom when humans choose to be peaceful. A war wasn’t being waged, new weapons weren’t being developed, and Kaz was decidedly very bored of it all. Doom did not have much to do in peacetime. Though, it was his birthday, so he had the absolute displeasure of granting one human a wish today. No wish seemed worth it to Kaz, really. If he granted love, they would break up because of work or family differences or something . If he granted money, they would use it to pay all their debts and land right back at zero. Kaz did not understand the point.
He passed a woman with long gray hair and a crazy look in her eyes. Her pamphlet was full of violent images of volcanoes exploding and huge tsunamis and several other still frames out of the movie 2012.
“Doom is coming! Repent your sins or be destroyed!”
Kaz snorted. Doom had indeed come and she had barely glanced. The burst pipe still spouted water. Nobody took another glance. He walked on, his heavy boots like artillery fire against the sidewalk.
It was rather bleak being Doom, especially being Doom created by humans. He tragically did not have any free will in causing mass destruction, otherwise the world would for sure look like the pamphlet the old hag was holding.
And then he heard it like the angels of yore sounding their trumpets, DOOM TO THIS MISERABLE FUCKING WORLD . Then louder like the deadly drop of a waterfall, DOOM TO THIS ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD!
Kaz’s mouth arranged itself into a devilish grin. Oh , how he enjoyed being summoned. It’s like a siren call. He could feel the anger, the conviction, the hopelessness in the voice. Exactly everything he thrived on. His life force, if you will. He rounded the corner and disappears into thin air. Maybe his birthday would be a little fun anyway.
He follows the screaming, straight to an apartment near Ketterdam University. It was entirely dark besides the filtering light from the windows facing the city. And then he saw her. His little summoner.
Her ink black hair fell down her back in a braid and her eyes were closed. She was small, Kaz noted. It was always the small ones that held all that anger.
His lips quirked. “Did someone say doom?”
There was the glint of metal against his neck immediately. If he swallowed, it might pierce right through his skin. And do nothing, of course. Kaz was still very much inhumane. There was no blood in his veins.
“Who are you?” She asked quietly, not even the trace of her tears in her voice. She was an interesting one, Kaz decided. Maybe she would be the one. Her eyes were dark brown like fertile soil in the moonlight.
“Doom.” Kaz gave his best smile.
“You sound more like the devil.” She says instead.
“The closest you’ll get to him, I suppose.” Kaz said. “Still willing to make a deal?”
And then she kicked him so hard his back hit the wall. He closed his eyes and tried to calm down. He couldn't hurt her. He wasn’t going to hurt her. If he hurt her, then he would lose a very crucial opportunity to get his wish. He could take a couple kicks in exchange for the end of the world, he told himself. Bide your time, he told himself.
“You’re a violent one, yeah?” Kaz says as she holds the knife to his neck from beside him, her boot heavy on his hand. He wonders just briefly what created violence in her. Then he stopped because wondering about humans too much turns vaguely into care and that spelled out doom much faster than Kaz could with a pen.
“When strange men suddenly appear in my apartment when I was sure I’d sealed off every entrance, yes, I am.”
“I’m not really man.” Kaz said.
“How did you get in here?”
“Can we sit and talk like civilized people?”
“No.”
Kaz suppressesd the urge to sigh. He doesn’t know why he expects things to go easily everytime, but he was always annoyed when he wasn’t welcomed. Something about not being worshipped like the Saints the humans adored so much maybe. He heard her ask herself if he was Sankta Anastasia as he spoke, as if Anastasia cared enough to help a human.
He turns his head and their noses are nearly touching. He heard her sharply inhale. He hates the proximity more, he would tell her, but there was a point to be made here.
“Doom will find you anyway.” Then, he vanishes. In the morning, she would either think he was a bad dream or a drunken hallucination. However, with that kind of anger in her voice as she called for him, there was no way he could let her go. She could be the finger to finally pull his trigger.
Hopefully, she would be a little more easy going in the daytime.
***
The morning was nice enough to forget the day before. The sun filtered through the kitchen window and Inej was willing to pretend whatever the fuck happened last night with that very weird intruder was a hallucination brought on by too much grenadine in her shirley temples. Instead, the slight smudge on her wall from where she knocked him down remained, reminding her that she did indeed have cancer and that some guy did indeed break into her house talking in riddles. Maybe he had schizophrenia or something.
The only part she couldn’t wrap her head around was how he got away. Her switch was just a centimeter from his throat, so close that when he turned his head to talk, it touched his neck. Instead of becoming a set of body parts in her bathroom, he disappeared. Vanished. Right into thin fucking air.
Inej shook her head. She’d wave it off for now. It left an unsettling feeling in her gut. She drank her coffee right on top of it.
Footsteps sounded behind her, but they were so light she knew it was Nina. The man that had come earlier wore heavy boots, not that he did much moving on his own accord.
“Morning, babe.” Nina smiled sleepily, her hair a mess atop her head. Inej rolled her eyes.
“I’m guessing Matthias was happy to see you?”
“No, but he accompanied me on a cab home.” Nina snorted. “He never wants to do anything when I’m drunk.” And he’s better for it.
Inej shrugged. “Coffee?”
“Hand it over.” Nina took the pot from Inej and poured just half a cup before dumping the rest of their milk into it. “Damn, we need to do groceries.”
“Is it my turn this week?”
Nina nodded. Inej basked in how easy their routine is for just a moment. The two had been living together since they escaped the heinous dorms of Ketterdam University, neither of them with a family to return to. They had bickered and fought so much the first semester, but now they fall into their responsibilities easily. Inej wondered if Nina will get groceries every week without her. She wondered if Nina will sign a lease without her.
“Alright,” Inej finished the rest of her coffee in one go. “I’ll head off.”
“You didn’t even have breakfast!”
“Nina, it’s 11:30, I had breakfast ages ago.” Inej said as she walks out of the apartment, her hand immediately on her blade again. Had he said he had a name? Doom, Inej’s brain answered her back. How ridiculous. If she trusted the police, maybe she would report it.
The streets of Ketterdam were busy in the daytime, always the sound of the ancient cobblestones being worn down as business commenced as usual. Inej moved through the crowd easily, recounting every item they needed.
Then her ears started ringing. She looked around for the source, but then a stab of pain shot through her head, like the toppling of a building inside her skull. She clenched her fists, dropping to the ground in the middle of the road involuntarily. Her knees hurt from impact on the pavement, but the ringing only intensified. Saints, not now, she pleaded. She scrunched her eyes shut as the world began to blur. A gasp of a breath fought its way out of her chest.
She only heard the honk of a truck before, “Need a hand?” And it was the same rasp that had disturbed her evening of tears yesterday. She took a breath as she felt the pain in her body intensify, opening her eyes just slightly to see the hazy stranger with his arm extended. His features blurred in front of her eyes, but she could tell by his cane alone that it was him.
“Take my hand, Inej.”
How do you know my name? She wanted to scream and shout in more than just pain, but in the ache of not understanding anything around her because she could have sworn she was about to be mowed down by an eighteen wheeler and, Saints , her head is pounding and his hand does not look warm, but it looks like more help than she’s ever been offered and the ringing turns into high pitched whine that reaches every nook and cranny of her brain and, Saints , it hurts so much and so she takes his hand.
His hands were gloved, but still warm as the ringing dissipated and the pain that brought her to her knees when nothing else ever had subsided. She let out a ragged breath, moving to let go. His grip tightened just a bit. Her diminished strength didn't allow her to let go.
“Not yet.” He said, his hold not helping her rise to her legs, but she did anyway. He lead her off of the street in her daze, her limbs still pins and needles.
“What are you?” Inej whispered as she finally took in the sight around her. Frozen, she realized. Not frozen like the chill of the upcoming Ketterdam winter, but frozen like a prehistoric insect in amber. A man was mid dash across the crosswalk. The crosswalk signal was frozen at 8. A girl’s hair was still hanging in the air.
“If I say your god, would you believe me?” He said.
“Not a chance.” Inej muttered.
“I told you last night.” He said. “I’m Doom.”
“A deity?” Inej said in a slight whisper, still taking in the frozen scene around her. It was too perfect to even be a still frame in a film, with no blur or whoosh. The trees are paused in swaying. A pebble sent flying by walking feet is just an inch away from hitting the ground.
“Of sorts.” He conceded.
“What do you want from me?”
“It’s more of what you want from me, Inej.” A slow smile spread over his lips. “You called me last night.”
DOOM TO THIS MISERABLE FUCKING WORLD.
Oh.
“I didn’t mean that-”
“Oh, Inej.” He looked at her with a look she didn’t know how to interpret. “You did.”
“I didn’t, I swear, I didn’t.” She had no idea why she felt like her heart was the next thing to stop going.
“You did, Inej.” He crooned. “I could hear it in your voice. You’re angry, Inej.”
“Just for a moment-”
“I have a deal for you, Inej.” He said. She wished he would stop saying her name. It doesn’t sound right in his mouth. “Will you hear me out?”
“What if I don’t?”
“Oh, that part of the presentation has a visual.” And then the world continued, sort of. The woman’s hair drops. The pebble clattered to the ground. The crosswalk moved onto 7 then 6 and on. The man made it across the street, still sprinting. But, there Inej was, still on the ground. She was watching herself die, Inej realized as the eighteen wheeler honked even louder and all the Inej-on-the-Ground could do was crouch harder. Then a scream, then the urgent call to an ambulance, then a time of death called.
“Do you like it?” He asked from next to her, hand still in hers. She moved to let go again. “Don’t let go, or this will become real.”
She turned to him, “What’s this deal you’ve been on about?”
“Oh, Inej, I knew you’d come around.” He said before snapping his fingers. The scene reset again, but now he and Inej were tucked away in a cafe booth, with a window view of the intersection Inej just watched herself die on.
“How do you know my name?” Inej ground out, clenching her fists. She hated the absurdity of it all. All the Saints wanted to do these days was pull the rug out from under her feet it seems.
“You’re dwelling on small things.” He was so laissez-faire about everything, and Inej hated it. He’s almost reclined in his chair, his arm extended over the booth. She wanted to stab him.
“Tell me.”
“You said it in your head.” He shrugs. “Yes, I know you hate everything about this right now.” That isn’t exactly a good way to prove to her he can read her mind. Inej had never been able to hide how much she hates things. Her negative feelings were always on display, with the scowl that made its home between her eyebrows. Nowadays, she consciously made herself look kinder or at least less like she’d like to stick her switch through someone’s head at least. Ironically, the stranger looked the exact same way. Even though he’s obviously at ease, his mouth was still tugged into a frown. His face was all shadows. He had an aura to him, Inej supposed. That tall, dark, and handsome bullshit, as Nina would say, but Inej isn’t Nina and Inej would say he just looked like a dickhead.
“I can still hear you.” A real scowl imposed itself on his face.
“What?” Inej scoffed. “You care what I think?”
“No, but try to hide it a bit.” He scoffed back.
“Alright, name for a name.” Inej said sharply. “Do you just call yourself Doom? Or what?”
“You can call me Kaz.”
“I’ve never heard that kind of name before.” Inej said blankly. “Come up with that yourself?”
“You can refer to me as Doom if you’d like.” A smirk Inej would like to smack off his face appeared. It seemed she was feeling hostile despite the fact that it seems that Kaz had saved her life before. She turned the name around her head a bit. It had an easy go on her tongue.
“Now, tell me about this deal.” Inej said. She noticed for a second that her hand was still in his, but now she’s a bit too afraid of this reality to let go. Not that she really understood what her reality was anymore. She supposes Professor Dryden did say she might hallucinate, but this seemed more than that. This was going on a bit too long. She didn't even have the money to see a psychiatrist to see if this bullshit was schizophrenia or something.
“Well, Inej,” A devilish smile grew on Kaz’s lips and, Saints, she could believe he really was the devil after what he said next. “I’d like you to help me end the world.”