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A new day has started, it was bright and warm outside. The sunlight entered through the window, filling the room with a bright glow. These types of days were Daehyun's favorites, but he hadn't been able to enjoy them as much as he used to. Ever since that day, his life took a turn he had never been prepared to face.
"I'm sorry… Do I know you?"
"Hyung..?"
Much to Daehyun's dismay, Jaewon left the room quickly. He didn't even say hi to him.
It's always been like that since that day. He tried to help, but didn't expect to lose a friend in the process.
He stayed in bed a little longer, just thinking about anything and everything. He hadn't been going out too much, started to eat less and even lost a bit of weight. Dongho and Minsoo were worried about him.
He got out of bed, trying to focus. He walked out of the room, heading to the bathroom so he could wash his face.
It was at that moment he realized how bad he looked. He was slowly fading out, his bright yellow becoming darker and darker until he didn't look like himself at all. But who was he at this point? Did it matter in the first place? Was this what Jaewon wanted?
He started sobbing, releasing all the feelings he bottled up inside of his heart. He wanted to scream, confront Jaewon, and ask him why he did what he did. Why did he decide to leave him? Why? Did he do something so wrong to deserve such a thing like this? He didn't want to end up in this situation at all. He wanted to blame the older boy so bad.
"Hey… Daehyun?"
Jaewon was looking at him, perplexed. His eyes widened at the sight of him, his hair messy and his eyes full of tears streaming down his cheeks. The older boy hugged him tightly, not sure of what to do, but wanting to help him feel better. It was at that moment he realized, it was because of him his hyung was gone.
He asked him to have that surgery, after all.
He cried in his hyung's arms, finally accepting the situation. Inside of his heart, he bid farewell to the Jaewon he once knew.
It's been a tough week for Daehyun, but at least he started to eat a bit more. His chubby cheeks came back, and he was starting to smile more often now. His gloomy aura disappeared slowly but surely, his yellow shining as bright as it once did, if not more. Everyone seemed to be in a better mood, too, making him feel better.
It felt like starting anew again, but he was happy to say Jaewon and him were starting to get closer and closer. Ever since that day, the older boy made sure to take care of the maknae as much as he could, helping him with brushing his hair, taking him out and making sure he was eating all his meals.
Everything was getting better for them, especially because Mayhem started to hang out more often, too. Their relationship as a group was starting to improve. It has been the four of them against the world now.
Everything was finally right, and it was going to last.
Or well, that's what he thought, until he realized he started coughing petals.
He was coming back from busking when he felt his throat tingle. He couldn't help but start coughing, feeling like something was going to come out of his mouth. He then stopped, realizing something: he wasn't expecting anything in particular, but surely didn't expect to cough a little pink petal.
Jaewon saw him, frozen on the spot. Did he see the petal coming out of his mouth? Did he realize what was going on?
The older boy was lost in thought, just looking at something, he wasn't sure what exactly, though. Daehyun slowly approached him, as if to make sure he didn't run away. Jaewon surprisingly snapped out of his initial shock and hugged the younger boy tightly.
"Hyung?"
"Yeah?"
"Did you hear me coming?"
"Yeah, I heard you coughing, too. Please, take care of yourself, okay?"
He just nodded, not sure of what to do next. Did Jaewon see the petal or not? Was he faking it? Or did he really not see it?
Well, he was too scared to ask, anyway.
Daehyun was improving his acting, and now not even Jaewon suspected him. He was quite proud of it.
Dance practice was starting to become a big problem, though. He's never been that athletic, but at least he was able to survive two hours of Minsoo's heavy training; now he couldn't even stand half an hour without feeling like he couldn't breathe. Of course, everyone was getting worried.
"Are you okay, Dae? You've been coughing way too much lately." Dongho got closer and kneeled in front of him, trying to see if he was sick or something. The younger boy suddenly got up, with an apologetic smile on his face.
"Yeah, I'm okay, hyung, just a little tired," he said, trying to hide the little petal that came out of his mouth. Luckily he didn't see anything.
"Maybe we should take a little break?" Jaewon said, looking at Minsoo, expectantly.
"What? Of course not! We just started!" The leader shook his head in disapproval. He was about to make them all start again, when he saw Daehyun again. He frowned slightly, obviously worried, too.
"Please, hyung, let's take a little break," Jaewon said again. This time the smaller boy thought about it for a moment before saying anything.
"Okay, a 5-minutes-break, nothing more." He gave in, sighing. Then he went for a water bottle in the corner of the room.
Daehyun smiled and sat down, drinking a little bit of water in an attempt to freshen up his throat. He was lost in thought, really scared of going through the same thing his hyung experienced, but not so sure about how to break the news to Mayhem. He also didn't know if he wanted to have surgery or not. Of course he didn't want to die, but he didn't want to forget Jaewon, either.
He then felt someone sitting right next to him. Daehyun looked at him, smiling.
"Jaewon."
"How do you feel?"
He thought about it before responding anything.
"I guess I'm just a little tired. My throat hurts, too."
"That's not good. Here, you can take my bottle. Make sure to stay hydrated, okay?"
He took it, a bit unsure of what to say. Jaewon was watching him, expectantly. He took a few sips of water, feeling better after seeing his hyung's smile.
"Thank you, hyung."
"No problem, Dae. You know, you can always count on me."
In that moment Daehyun knew he got the answer he needed.
He definitely didn't want to forget Jaewon.
The days passed by so quickly to Daehyun, but he was dying so painfully slowly. The little petals he was so used to coughing were starting to multiply in number, making it harder for him to breathe sometimes. He decided to keep his condition a secret, though, since he decided to not have surgery.
But it was getting harder and harder to hide it, he was so scared any of the members would notice and try to do something, so he started to avoid them all. It was subtle at first, when he went straight to his room after eating lunch with them, or when he left first after dance practice. Then he just stopped eating with them and hanging out with them. It was surprising since Daehyun was by far the most social of all the members.
Of course they will notice, Daehyun was sure of it. He just hoped it would take them a bit more time, enough time to prepare himself.
Unsurprisingly, Jaewon was the first one to address the situation.
"Dae? Are you okay? You haven't been spending time with us." It broke his heart in two. He didn't want to make his hyungs worry about him, but he knew this was the best solution for everyone (for everyone? Or for himself?).
"I am, hyung, don't worry," he said, his eye bags showing through his pale skin, and his calm yet scared gaze fixed on the older boy.
Jaewon nodded, a bit unsure, though he decided not to comment on it. They just stayed there in silence, both of them trapped in their own minds. Suddenly Jaewon looked up, locking eyes with Daehyun, who was watching expectantly.
"Dae, you have Hanahaki, don't you?" His voice was a mere whisper, but it sounded so clear in his ears.
"Can you keep it a secret?" He put his hands together, begging for him to stay silent. He felt hypocritical saying that, but now he understood his Jaewon better.
His.
His Jaewon was no longer here.
The older boy just nodded, silently agreeing.
"Do you plan on having surgery?" He dared to ask, locking eyes with Daehyun again. The younger boy just smiled before responding.
"I don't."
They just left it like that.
There was nothing more to say. It was his final word.
It's been weeks since they last talked about it.
A lot of things happened, like the confirmation of the comeback and the preparations for it. Mayhem has been pretty busy, but they were all excited.
That night Mayhem came back after dance practice pretty late. Daehyun stayed home because he wasn't feeling good, so they told him to rest.
Dongho decided to take a shower and Minsoo went to the kitchen so he could eat something. Jaewon closed the door behind him, quickly going to his room to see the younger boy.
"Dae?"
He stood there in pure shock.
Daehyun was on the bed, his eyes closed and his hands were on his stomach. There was blood coming out of his mouth, as well as pink flowers. Cyclamen.
"It means goodbye," he said, looking directly at him. His eyes had unshed tears in them, but he had a smile on his face.
"Did you lose the person you loved?" He asked, trying to lock eyes with the younger boy. It didn't work, Daehyun lowered his head, fighting the lump on his throat.
"Yeah, I did." Everything was silent, until he felt the older boy's arms around him.
"I know I'm not that person, but I'm still here for you, you know?"
His legs gave out.
His eyes were shading silent tears.
His heart was racing.
Daehyun lost his special person.
Now, he did too.