Chapter Text
"Are you ready?"
"I'm never ready. Just do it."
Rafael pushed the needle into her flesh, "I'm sorry," he mumbled when he heard Olivia's hiss. He pressed down the syringe. "Almost done."
Olivia pressed her forehead against the sink as her mouth opened in a silent scream.
"I'm done." He quickly pulled out the needle and threw it into the waiting bin. "Do you want me to?" He touched the waistband of her pants.
"No," she mumbled as a tear slipped out. "Just don't touch it."
"Do you want me to get the ice pack? They said that could help."
"I want this to be over," Olivia sobbed.
"I know amor." Rafael rubbed her arms. "Maybe this time we'll get it."
"When are you two going to give me grandchildren?" Lucia asked when Olivia got up to use the bathroom.
"We're trying mami," Rafael whispered. No one outside of the doctors and nurses at the fertility clinic knew how much they were trying.
"I know you're trying. I caught you two in my bathroom two years ago."
He blushed and looked down at his half eaten toast. "Are you still going to hold that over us?"
"I wanted to use the bathroom and I see you with your pants around your ankles holding Olivia up against the wall, I cannot get that imagine out of my head Rafi."
"I know mami. That's why we spent 2 hours after that cleaning."
Lucia continued to slice her pancakes, "I'm just saying if you guys are like that, you should have had half a football team by now."
"We're working on it. Just please don't mention this to Liv."
"I know."
Olivia slipped back into her chair, "what has you two whispering?"
"You," Rafael murmured as he kissed her cheek.
______
"Mr. Barba?" The nurse said as she stepped into the waiting room, "you can come see her now."
"Thank you." He took up the sweater and Olivia's things.
"She's a little groggy from the anesthesia, but in a few minutes she should be herself. The doctor–"
"I know." He told the nurse. She had to be new if she didn't recognize him. "We've been through this before."
"Oh, I didn't realize." She stopped in front of the recovery room. "Right through here."
Rafael nodded before entering the small room. "Hey Livia," he breathed, "how do you feel?"
"Cold," she muttered, opening her eyes weakly.
"I know." He wrapped the sweater around her shoulders. "Do you want the ibuprofen?"
"Not this time. Are you okay?"
"I'm always okay." Rafael gently gently stroked her cheek, "you want to go to that little Italian place after? The one with the tortellini that you like."
"I want to go to bed. I feel kinda rough this time."
"So why did you say no to the ibuprofen? Mi amor, take something. Don't suffer."
"I don't need anything yet." She leaned into his touch, "just you and our bed."
"We can go as soon as they discharge you."
Anna stopped as she passed the open recovery room. She called over a more experienced nurse. "How often have they been here?"
"More than a couple should in two years."
"Rafa!"
He almost jumped out of his chair when she flung open the door. "What?! Who died?!"
"Nobody." She lifted up her phone and showed him the notification. "Ovulation time."
"Alright. So I'll try to wrap up early this afternoon."
"But it says it's peak time now." Olivia pouted, "I don't want to wait 4 hours." She looked around his office, "you look free right now and everyone's probably gone to lunch."
"You can't seriously be suggesting we have sex in my office."
"Maybe."
"No," Rafael started to pack up his briefcase, "we are going home. I am not having a repeat of what happened at mami's last month."
"Had to admit, it was fun."
"Up until my mother opened the door, that you said you locked."
______
Rafael sighed when he got Olivia's voicemail once again. No one in her squad knew where she went. It's like she disappeared off the face of the Earth. He opened the door, fingers-crossed she was home.
"Liv?" Rafael said softly when he saw her bundled up on the couch in the dark. "I went to the precinct to see if you were ready to leave, Fin said you left hours ago."
"The doctor called around 11." She whispered, "none of them were viable. Again."
"What?" He sat next to her on the couch, "they were – it was a good... How could that happen again?"
"I dunno." She sat up slowly. "Did we do the shots wrong? Was it me?"
"I don't think we did anything wrong Liv. I guess those weren't the ones."
"Three times in a row?"
Rafael was silent for a minute. "We can always try again."
"Rafa, the bills are piling up. You've gone without your fancy coffee and we have barely eaten out in months. We can't keep spending money when it's not working."
"You always said you want me to drink less coffee and cooking at home is healthier and cheaper."
"But Raf," Olivia leaned into his side.
"I know, how about we just take a break? No more ovulation tracking and shots. No more clinics and retrievals. We just take it easy for the next few months."
"Okay."
"Good and if something happens, it happens."
"Okay."
Rafael kissed the top of her head, "next time call me. Don't suffer alone in the dark."
"Did you take it yet?" Rafael asked as he hung up his coat.
"I did." She held up the test, "just waiting."
"How long?"
"Just 20 seconds." Olivia's fingers drummed nervously on the counter.
"I thought we were waiting until tomorrow," Rafael came closer and rested his chin on her shoulder.
"I got anxious." Her head snapped to the alarm going off on her phone. "It's time."
"Turn it over," he whispered.
"Damn it!" Olivia muttered as she slammed it back on the counter.
"Liv..." Rafael looked at the words in the small screen. Not pregnant.
"I thought it would have been positive. I really did."
"It's alright querida. It's only been a few months. We can still try again."