Chapter Text
You ruined me.
Of course, I was already ruined before I met you.
My life had been a disaster. A string of bad decisions that had led me to a life with no true friends. The only true friend I ever had had been condemned to death by my mistakes and had died. My master, whom I had joined after he promised me power, fame and recognition, had killed her and had since disappeared.
Now I have a new master who does not trust me, but at least gives me a chance and has saved me from Azkaban. Instead of being able to continue researching, as I would have liked, I now have to deal everyday with young people who look at me with hatred or contempt. Some were at school at the same time as me and know exactly how unpopular I was among my classmates. My life is a mindless nightmare. Not that I could have expected anything else, after all, it rarely was different.
But then you came along.
Found me just as I was returning from foraging for herbs in the Forbidden Forest and stared at me like an apparition. I was probably as surprised as you, but unlike you, I can hide my feelings better. At first I thought you were your good-for-nothing father, but before I could pull out my wand, you had already thrown your arms around me and pulled me into the first real hug I had ever received. Clearly something your father would never have done.
I looked into your face and discovered that you looked quite different after all, even if a kinship was hard to deny. I considered whether you might have been a distant cousin of my former school enemy, but you didn't give me much time to think. Like the little lunatic you are, you simply lowered your lips to mine and kissed me with a devotion that took my breath away. It took me a few moments to regain my wits enough to question the situation and release the kiss.
"I'm so glad to see you." you said and I could see tears glistening in your eyes.
"You must have me confused with someone else." I replied stiffly, though it was hard to admit this when I had never felt such affection from anyone towards me.
"I don't think so, Severus Snape. My extremely talented potions master and Half-blood prince." you said with a grin.
So obviously no confusion after all. But then, I didn't know you and wondered if maybe it wasn't meant to be a cruel prank?
"Sorry, I can't stop kissing you." you said sheepishly after attacking me again with your lips.
"And I have no idea why." I admitted.
You kissed me again and then said in amazement "You still don't seem to mind."
"I'm a Slytherin, I wouldn't even mind if you wanted to sleep with me." I clarified.
After all, as a Slytherin, you don't look too closely at the motives of others, as long as you can use them to your own advantage. Your facial expression in response was definitely worth watching. With your mouth wide open, you stared at me speechless and I struggled to stop myself from just kissing you off by myself.
"Oh Merlin, are you serious, Severus? If I ask you now, would you really sleep with me?" you finally asked in a slightly shaky voice, but I could hear how serious you were.
I had no experience until then. No wonder with my background. I wasn't pretty or social or empathetic, I didn't have any money or prestige, which would have made me attractive enough for others. Who would I be to just turn down an offer like that then?
"Of course, but not here," I said more confidently than I felt.
You followed me to my quarters without asking any questions and looked around curiously in them as you walked by yourself up to the bedroom. We undressed each other and I felt like I was almost burning under your eager looks and touches. You seemed to sense my nervousness and asked me if I had changed my mind, to which I admitted that this would be my first time.
I don't know why I told you that, normally I would have bitten off my tongue rather than admit something like that, but there was something about you that made me feel like I could trust you. Like you could see to the bottom of my soul and still accept me for who I am.
But instead of laughing at me or rejecting me, there was just a twinkle in your eye as you said "Don't worry, Severus. It's not the first time for me, and I'll make sure it's alright."
And you were definitely going to be right, as I realized moments later when you had prepared yourself before my eyes and slowly and sensually lowered yourself onto my erection. Though it was more than just good. It was heaven on earth. Like I had woken up from a dark nightmare and woken up in a world of color and happiness. We almost melted together while you showed me with your body how much you desired me and blew my mind.
After you first sat on top of me to ride me, you encouraged me to take the lead and when you finally lay under me and I pushed your willing body deeper into the mattress, I felt like I was experiencing perfection for the first time. I came deep inside you as your cum squirted between us and lay on top of you, unwilling to let you go, afraid that it was just a dream and you would disappear.
Slowly my sanity returned and with it the suspicion of why you were with me at all and seemed to know me when you were completely unknown to me.
"What is your name?" I asked you, looking questioningly into your beautiful green eyes, which suddenly reflected guilt and fear.
You swallowed before finally giving me your answer, "Harry."
Only two seconds passed in which I stared at you, stunned, before all the pieces of the puzzle clicked into place. Of course, Harry. The name, the look of your father, the green eyes of your mother. I had seriously slept with someone who was actually just a baby and had recently lost his parents because of none other than me. But that was illogical. Unless, of course, you were the Harry from the future. Obviously about 20 years later, from how you looked like.
I moved away from you and said reproachfully, "You're not from this time. Why are you here?".
With a sigh, you got up and went to your clothes. I thought for a moment that you were planning to leave me without answers, but instead you pulled out a vial and a pouch. I came to you and took the vial in my hand, which contained a liquid I didn't know.
"What is this?" I asked suspiciously.
"Nagini's poison."
"What is Nagini?"
"Oh, Nagini is a snake. You must manage to develop an antidote from the poison and carry it with you at all times."
"So I'll die from a snake bite," I concluded dryly.
"Not if I can help it." you said firmly.
My gaze slid to the pouch and you pressed it into my hand.
"Gold." you said tersely, placing your hand on mine before I could return the pouch to you, because accepting charity was deeply repugnant to me.
"Please, take it. Buy yourself a safe house from this somewhere in the middle of nowhere, but tell absolutely no one about it. It would be best if you always carry an emergency portkey there too, okay?" you asked with hopeful eyes.
I replied with a tilted head, "You want to save me so badly. Why? Were we ... together?"
Your laugh sounded rather tortured and you said sadly "No, honestly our relationship was mostly more of hate. But I've tried to live in a world without you and I can't. If there's any chance of you surviving, I have to take it. Whether we can be together or not. You deserve a happy life in freedom."
I put the bag and the poison aside and gently placed my hand on the back of your neck, pulling you into a kiss, which you desperately returned.
"How long are you staying here?" I asked, looking into your eyes that were so full of unspoken emotion.
"If my calculations are correct, I can stay until midnight. I may have ended up in a completely wrong year, but that shouldn't change the fact that it's impossible to stay longer than a day." You averted your eyes as you said "However, I won't be able to come again. Every change makes the timeline more unstable, and I can't put everyone's peace in more danger for selfish reasons."
Understandable. Although it amazed me even more that you had come back specifically for me in the first place. After a glance at the clock, I asked you "What do you say, shall we use what little time we have for a second round?"
A beaming grin spread across your face and enthusiastically you pulled me back to the bed.
Shortly before midnight we lay together in bed and you had your arms wrapped tightly around me. You seemed to want to savor every second that remained to us and I also enjoyed this moment to the fullest. I knew that we might never see each other again, at least you would never see me again. But what if it did work out? I had one last question. "How old are you anyway?"
"Twenty-one," you answered and kissed me again.
I heard the bells of the clock tower begin to chime in the distance and tried desperately to memorize everything about you. The black strands that fell over your deep green eyes, your sweet mouth that kissed me so sweetly, your tangy smell of sweat and sex with a hint of orange, your soft voice full of affection and your warm skin under my fingers.
I tried to tighten my grip around you, but the next moment I was just grasping through air.
You were gone.
And had ruined me.
No one had ever looked at me the way you did. Gave me this feeling that I was really worth something, deserving of a good life or even just a good hour. No one had ever touched me like you did. Neither my skin, nor my heart.
You had already ruined me with your first kiss and I knew I would never be able to settle for anything less than you again.
I got up and took the vial of poison back to the lab. Sleep was out of the question now anyway, and if there was even the slightest chance of seeing you again, I would do everything I could to make it possible.