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It shouldn’t really have come as a surprise at all that he snapped. He’d been feeling it buzzing under his skin for days now, threatening to break free at every interaction, anytime someone even so much as looked at him, really. He was frustrated— beyond frustrated—but it was born from exhaustion more than anything else.
For weeks, Sonny’s caseload had been so big that he’s barely had time to sleep, to eat, to breathe between interviews and meetings and coddling interns and updating Hadid and being nagged by the squad every time he thought he might be able to take just five minutes for himself.
He knew everyone was just doing their job, doing their best, and he knew being busy came with the job, too. But it had never been like this before. It had never been this relentless for such a long period. He’d reached the end of his tether and he could feel his hands shaking, his heart thumping painfully inside his chest as he stared at Olivia in front of him, who stared back in shock.
“God,” Sonny whispered, deflating instantly, all the fight leaving him. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Benson—Liv, I’m so sorry. That was...I’m sorry.”
Olivia gave him a small, sad smile. “It’s okay.”
“It’s really not.” He laughed humorlessly, shaking his head. “I had no right to speak to you like that.”
“No,” she conceded with a tilt of her head, reaching out to clasp his arm. “But I know you didn’t mean it.”
Sonny swallowed the rising lump in his throat and glanced away, suddenly feeling far too vulnerable, far too seen.
“This past month has been a nightmare,” he whispered on an exhale, forcing himself to meet her gaze. Covering her hand with his, he removed it from his arm and gave it a squeeze. “But that’s no excuse.”
“How can I help?” Liv asked, kind as ever despite him just shouting at her in a way he never had before, in a way he never could have imagined shouting at anyone, let alone someone so important to him.
“Make the case airtight,” he grimaced. “Make just one of these cases easy for me.”
He could hear the desperate tone in his voice and cringed at himself. He felt small suddenly, and he hated that more than everything else he was feeling.
“I’ll do my best,” she assured him.
She glanced at the window, blinds firmly shut, before leaning in to press a kiss to his cheek, unexpected but not entirely unwanted.
They didn’t do displays of affection, not at work. At work, they were Captain Benson and ADA Carisi and nothing else, nothing more.
He felt his cheeks heat up though he wasn’t sure why.
“What was that for?”
Olivia laughed, staying close. “Felt necessary.”
“Yeah?”
A smile threatened to take over his face, the first genuine one in what felt like weeks.
“Yeah,” she whispered, linking her fingers with his. “I miss you.”
“I miss you too,” he said, smile slipping again. “I’ve just—“
“Been busy, I know.” She sighed and cupped his cheek, thumb brushing across his cheekbone. “You look awful.”
“Gee, thanks,” he scoffed, rolling his eyes.
“I’m serious,” she said quietly, brow furrowed. “You look sick, Dominick. Pale. Exhausted.”
“I am exhausted,” he muttered, closing his eyes. “But—“
“Sometimes work can’t come first,” she said simply, withdrawing her hand from his face to take his hand in hers again. “Sometimes you have to look after yourself.”
“That’s rich, coming from you,” he bit out, eyes flashing open, then immediately felt guilty for his own bitterness.
“True,” she said with a nod, linking their fingers. “But who is it who comes and reminds me to eat, forces me home when I haven’t stopped working for days on end? Who is it that looks after me when I forget to look after myself?”
Sonny swallowed. “Me.”
“You,” she smiled, bringing their hands up between them to press a soft kiss to his knuckles. “So I’m returning the favour.”
“But—“
“No buts, Sonny. It’s almost 7. We’re going home and ordering pizza and Noah can choose a movie for you to fall asleep to.”
He could picture the pile of manilla folders on his desk, could see tomorrow’s calendar in his mind, and the thought of it made nausea swell in his stomach as exhaustion flooded his bones in earnest. He felt guilty as he nodded, couldn’t quite shake that even though he knew Liv was right.
“Okay,” she whispered, not letting go of his hand as she scooped her bag up from her desk.
He let her lead him out of the precinct, unphased by the eyes that tracked their linked hands across the squad room. Liv said something to Fin as she passed, but it was all just white noise, staticky and distant in his exhausted brain, and he didn’t bother trying to make sense of it.
He kissed her once they were seated in her car, soft and chaste and so, so grateful for her that he didn’t know what else to do. He certainly didn’t have the words, his tongue suddenly lead in his mouth and his brain nothing more than a tired buzzing.
When they pulled up at Liv’s building, Sonny blinked blearily, realising he’d managed to nod off in the short drive there. He rubbed his eyes, glancing over at Liv who was watching, concern etched into her features.
“I’m okay,” he assured her with a smile that felt breathtakingly genuine.
“You gonna make it upstairs?” She teased, but the concern was still there.
“As long as the elevator is working,” he said with a laugh, taking her hand in his again once they were out of the car.
He felt warmth and relief and affection wash over him in overwhelming waves as he stepped into her apartment, warm and light and smelling like the pizza she must have ordered ahead. He smiled at Lucy as she passed and hugged Noah as he came to greet him, gentler than usual--whether perceptive or warned by his mother, Sonny wasn’t sure.
It felt like shedding an uncomfortable second skin as he removed his shoes and tie and made his way to her bedroom to change into a pair of sweats and a hoodie he had tucked away in the back of her drawer and when he returned to the living room, Over The Moon had already started on the TV and a plate of pizza was waiting for him on the coffee table in front of the empty seat on the couch beside Liv.
“I love you,” he murmured as he sat down beside her.
Tired as he felt, he forced himself to look alert and earnest for this because, as he’d expected, she turned quickly, eyes roaming his face as the shock on her own softened to something far more affectionate.
“I love you too,” she whispered, pressing a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth.
As he took a bite of pizza, Liv nestled into his side, he couldn’t quite believe that not even an hour earlier, he’d snapped at her in a way that had felt unforgivable.
Here, warm and comfortable and content, the nightmare of the past month of work felt miles away, and he let his eyes drift closed knowing in his heart that it would all be okay.