Chapter Text
Remember Me
Chapter 1: Waking Up in Your Arms
Kara couldn’t say exactly how it happened. There was a very large alien portal machine that looked sort of like a shiny Stargate about six feet in diameter. Lena had asked Kara to be present as she ran some tests on it just in case something something went horribly awry. When it quite unexpectedly lit up like a Christmas tree, Kara demanded to know what Lena did.
“Nothing!” Lena shot back, looking somewhat wounded by the accusation which made Kara feel a pang of guilt. “We’re still running non-invasive scans on it. I’m not dumb enough to play with tech I don’t yet understand!”
An apology was just beginning to form on Kara’s lips when suddenly bright blue mercurial light shot out of the device, surrounded the two of them, then everything was darkness.
Kara felt soft sheets and a softer warm body sprawled across her back, could hear steady breathing and a gentle heartbeat. It felt perfect and familiar and she felt a wave of happiness wash over her. The person sprawled all over her shifted with an adorable sleepy noise, then soft lips began kissing Kara’s bare shoulder and upper back.
“’Morning,” the person murmured against Kara’s skin. “Sleep well?”
Through her sleep-induced fog, Kara was having a hard time remembering who it was, exactly, she’d taken to bed last night. She felt amazing (and a little bit sore even), so odds are she had an incredible time and she was disappointed she couldn’t remember it. She nodded mutely, suddenly feeling guilty that she couldn’t remember.
The person—woman—hummed in approval. “I should hope so after all the rounds we went last night. You were positively insatiable. If I walk funny today, I’m absolutely blaming you.”
Kara knew that voice. She was sure of it. She just couldn’t quite place a face to it, for some strange reason. Deciding it best to just see for herself, she carefully rolled over, and while she did so, the woman’s hand slid down between Kara’s legs, boldly cupping her between the apex of her thighs. Kara’s eyes scanned up the beautiful naked body next to her and to the face of the woman, meeting her emerald eyes.
Kara blinked. Her heart stopped. She was pretty certain she went into full cardiac arrest, actually.
“Lena?!” she squeaked and leaped backwards out of bed so fast she slammed into the brick wall behind her several feet away.
“Jesus, Kara! What’s wrong?” Lena asked, her eyes wide with alarm as she quickly sat up on the bed.
Kara couldn’t even begin to know how to answer that, mainly because when Lena sat up it revealed her completely naked form in all its curvy, porcelain glory. Kara then realized she, too, was naked. With another squeak, she covered her more private areas with her hands. She looked wildly around the bed for signs of clothing, and when she found a set of panda-print PJs on the floor, she threw them on at super speed.
“Kara, if this is some new form of teasing you’re trying, I don’t like it,” Lena said, her voice now taking on an edge of hurt that made Kara’s heart twist with guilt. And confusion. Why wasn’t Lena more shocked that they woke up together. Naked?? “I mean I know you enjoy ribbing me a bit, but this is bordering on cruel.”
When Kara chanced a glance back at Lena’s face, the wounded look she saw broke the Kryptonian’s heart. “L-Lena, did I drink alien alcohol last n-night? I don’t at all remember coming over . . .” she said but trailed off when she looked around. They were in a huge, beautiful open loft, likely a warehouse converted into a loft. The brick walls were painted with beautiful murals that looked strangely Kryptonian, and the entire loft was open concept with no walls save for the bathroom and what looked like a huge walk-in closet. The bedroom was separated from the rest of the loft on an elevated platform, the kitchen was huge and modern and beautiful, the furniture elegant and clean. It very much looked like a place both of them would live (if Kara had the budget). Except this wasn’t Lena’s penthouse or Kara’s apartment. Did Lena have a second place of residence??
“Coming over?” Lena echoed, her face now becoming even more confused and concerned. “Kara, you live here. And no, you didn’t drink last night. Since when do you have to drink to have sex with me? What’s going on? You’re scaring me.”
Kara’s throat constricted with confusion and a lot of emotions she really didn’t want to deal with at the moment. She looked around the bedroom again and even more confusion happened when she saw several pictures of them on the dresser and both nightstands. Pictures of them in beautiful white dresses kissing and smiling and oh god they were wedding pictures. Lena watched her with growing apprehension on her face as she pulled the sheets up to cover her body.
“What. . . how. . . wait. Wait. I remember something,” Kara stammered, finding words only slightly less difficult now that Lena wasn’t naked anymore. “The last thing I remember, we were in your lab and you were running scans on a new alien device we found in orbit around Earth. It activated all of a sudden, surrounded us in blue light, and the next thing I know I’m waking up here. Oh god. . . do you think it brought us to some kind of parallel reality or another dimension? One where we’re. . . married?”
Lena’s face was still a mass of confusion as she reached for her bathrobe which was sprawled on the floor. “We haven’t been experimenting on anyth—wait, we’re not married in this ‘reality’ of yours?”
Kara worried her lower lip. “We’re best friends. A-and I love you, but you’re. . . at least I think you’re straight. I’ve only met ex boyfriends of yours. You don’t really talk about your sexuality, so I guess I just assumed you’re straight. But I suppose I’ve never told you I’m pan. Now that I think about it, for being best friends, we actually aren’t very good at communicating because I think I just got too used to keeping secrets, but that’s definitely my fault for not telling you sooner that I was Supergirl and it caused a really big rift between us for a really long time and it’s taken a long time but we were just starting to get—”
“Kara,” Lena interrupted, cutting Kara’s rambling short. She snapped her mouth shut, her teeth clicking loudly in her head. Lena heaved a world-weary sigh. “I don’t know what the hell is going on, but we have tech at our lab that can confirm if we’ve done any recent interdimensional travel. Let me just get dressed and we can go together, okay?”
“Okay,” Kara mumbled.
Kara deflated and leaned against the wall behind her, blushing when she realized there was a Kara-shaped dent in the wall. She at least felt a little better about things from the sure authority in Lena’s voice. She watched Lena slip into the bathroom, grateful when she closed the door. Kara sunk to the floor when the door clicked shut and took several deep breaths. This couldn’t be happening. She couldn’t be here, essentially stuck in her worst nightmare of actually fucking having Lena.
Or most desired fantasy.
No.
No. If this was a parallel reality, that meant the Kara she replaced was somewhere out there wondering where her Lena was. Which meant she absofreakinglutely could not allow herself to indulge in this fantasy.
This fantasy of being with Lena. This fantasy where Lena Luthor was in love with her. This fantasy she thought about, daydreamed about, yearned for far more than she cared to admit to herself. She was sure it wasn’t healthy, pining after someone as long as she’d pined after Lena. She’d wanted to ask Lena almost since they’d met to go out with her, but she couldn’t, not while Lena didn’t know who she really was. And then when Lena finally found out, they were in such a bad place for so long, Kara buried her feelings so deep she was fairly sure she was past her feelings for Lena until now.
Oh.
Oh no.
Truth be told, now that she was past the initial shock, she suddenly remembered she woke up next to Lena. Naked. Naked Lena. Naked Lena who had kissed her back and touched her between her. . .
Oh no.
That memory alone sent a shock of heat pooling between her legs. She cursed her body for betraying her, and leaped up from the floor, pacing around the loft like a caged animal. This couldn’t be happening. She couldn’t be here, trapped here with the woman she was desperately in love with, with absolutely no societal barriers between them. And apparently they had such amazing sex last night Lena was worried about walking funny??
That thought brought with it another surge of unwanted arousal and gay panic. But also legitimate panic. The kind of panic she’d felt when she was trapped in the Phantom Zone. The kind she felt if she was ever in a small, dark space. The kind that had her sinking to the floor rocking back and forth with her face buried in her hands trying desperately to breathe only she couldn’t and the world was closing in on her and she was pretty sure she was crying but she still couldn’t breathe—
“Kara.”
Warm, gentle hands rubbed circles along her back and tenderly stroked her cheek.
“Just listen to my heartbeat. Listen to my breath. Can you breathe with me when I take my next breath?”
Despite still feeling like her lungs had been sucked into a crushing black hole, there was something remarkably calm about Lena’s voice, how sure she sounded that she could help. And it did. Once Lena told Kara to listen to her heartbeat, her keen ears tuned into it immediately, the slow steady thu-thump encouraging her constricting throat to relax and she sucked in a ragged breath of air.
“That’s good, that’s perfect my love,” Lena said in a low, soothing voice. “Breathe with me, love. Just breathe.”
When she heard Lena’s lungs expand with air, her own followed suit almost out of pure reflex. This continued for some time, Kara’s breaths significantly shakier for the first couple of minutes before her breathing finally evened out. It took several more minutes to realize Lena was pressing soft kisses to Kara’s temple and her lips were every bit as soft as she’d always imagined they would be.
“We’ll figure this out together, my love, I promise. It’s okay, everything will be okay, I promise,” Lena whispered, gently rocking Kara in her arms.
“I’m sorry,” Kara mumbled, feeling herself blush in embarrassment. “I don’t usually . . . have . . . these around other people.”
“You haven’t had one in a long time,” Lena said softly, still carding her fingers through Kara’s hair (which gave her the odd desire to purr like a cat). “You’ve been seeing a therapist for about a year now, and it’s been really helping, actually.”
“I . . . I’ve had a p-panic attack around you before?” Kara asked haltingly.
Lena simply nodded, though she looked like she had more thoughts on the matter. Kara slowly sat up and moved away from Lena, suddenly overcome with embarrassment and shame. “If only people could see ‘the Girl of Steel’ now,” she muttered.
“You have nothing to be ashamed of, Kara, do you hear me?” Lena said, cupping Kara’s face with both her hands. “You’ve survived trauma no one on this planet can even comprehend. It’s a miracle you’re so well-adjusted. You’re a miracle.”
Kara could do nothing but meet Lena’s eyes after such an impassioned speech. The profound love radiating from those jade pools took her breath away. It hit her, in that moment, that this is what she’d been missing all these years by being a coward about Lena and not telling her how she felt about her. Like so many other foolish decisions she’d made concerning Lena. And now she’d been thrust into a world where she got to see what could have been, what she could have had if she just hadn’t been such an idiot.
Reaching up, she clasped both of Lena’s hands and dropped them into her lap, stroking her thumbs over the backs of Lena’s hands. “In this world. . . when did I tell you I was Supergirl?” she asked, nearly choking on her own words.
Lena gave Kara a searching look. “A couple of months after we met. Why? When did you tell me in your reality?”
Kara exhaled a shuddering breath filled with regret. “I told you far too late and it nearly destroyed us. I’m relieved the me in this world wasn’t such a coward. You deserve that . . . that Kara. She’s far better than me.”
Just as the words escaped her lips, Kara’s thoughts were suddenly launched into an incredibly vivid memory. A memory of naked skin covered in droplets of moisture that glistens in the early afternoon sunlight spilling through blue velvet curtains. She can feel and taste Lena beneath her, feel her fingers buried in Lena’s silky slick walls, taste salty sweet moisture on her tongue as she bites down on Lena’s neck. She relishes in the high, feminine groans spilling from Lena’s lips as she reaches closer and closer to the edge. Kara’s head snaps up just in time to lock eyes with Lena as she comes hard around her fingers, fluttering around her with soft groans as she gazes into Kara’s eyes. Kara can only stare in awe at the sheer beauty before her, knowing she will never tire of this feeling. Lena looks beyond stunning with her face flush, her messy hair clinging to her face, her eyes dark and lidded and gazing at Kara with so much love. . .
Kara jolted out of the memory with a gasp, her heart pounding loudly in her own ears. She also felt an uncomfortable heat and wetness settle between her legs.
“Kara? Are you okay?” Lena asked, her voice all concern and love and Rao Kara loved her so much.
But was Kara okay? She didn’t even know how to go about answering that question. She cleared her throat awkwardly. “I just um. . . I just had a f-flashback. I think. A memory. Maybe.”
“That’s a good thing, right?” Lena asked gently.
“I . . . I’m not sure. I don’t think it’s good that our memories don’t currently line up, but it was a very clear memory I just saw,” Kara paused to glance at the bed, wondering vaguely when the memory had taken place. “Did we. . . did we do anything yesterday afternoon? Er. . . in bed?”
Something like hope mingled with amusement flashed across Lena’s face. “Yesterday was Sunday. Sunday afternoon sex is like church to us,” she replied.
Kara cleared her throat awkwardly again. “Maybe we should get to the lab and try and figure this out?”
Lena nodded and rose to her feet, and Kara didn’t miss the disappointment that she tried to hide. “Do you want to fly or drive?”
“Um. . . drive maybe? Just to be safe in case I have another flashback?” Kara replied, rising to her feet as well.
Lena replied a soft ookay and headed back up to the bedroom area to grab her cell phone to call her driver. They both finished getting ready and a few minutes later were sitting in the back of the town car heading down the busy streets to L-Corp. After texting Alex a few cryptic texts to verify that she and Lena were, in fact, married (which Alex confirmed with a rather annoyed “leave me out of your weird role play fantasies about being strangers. I appreciate that you have a healthy sex life but really, Kara”), she was now nervously fiddling with a fancy metal fidget spinner Lena had put in her hands, trying hard not to think about the flashback she’d had earlier. She failed quite spectacularly. She remembered Lena’s intoxicating scent, remembered what her skin tasted like under her tongue, remembered exactly what Lena’s wet walls felt like clenching around two of her fingers buried knuckle deep. . .
Kara suddenly found herself immersed in another memory before she even realized it was happening. They’re still in the car, and the barrier between them and the driver is (mercifully) up. The back of Kara’s head hits the side door window with a soft thump as she bites back a groan so the driver won’t hear. The pencil skirt she's wearing is hiked up to her waist and her underwear are somewhere on the seat. But far more distracting is Lena’s head currently buried between her legs doing wonderfully obscene things to Kara with her tongue in the back seat of the car. The position is awkward but neither of them seem to care. Kara digs her fingertips into the top of the back seat and attempts to spread her legs further open as Lena’s clever tongue digs deeper into her. And Rao Lena’s tongue feels so good and hot and Kara is already on the razor’s edge of coming, and she has absolutely no idea how she’s going to stay silent.
Lena shifts a little lower and reaches up with the hand not currently digging into Kara’s thigh to attack Kara’s clit with her thumb. Kara claps a hand over her mouth to keep from crying out as she crashes into an orgasm that successfully shut off all higher brain function. Her hips can’t seem to stop bucking and Lena doesn’t seem intent on stopping. The hand on Kara’s thigh slides up her stomach and to her breast. When Lena’s thumb swipes over Kara’s taught, aching nipple, she's hurled yet again into bliss. She has to bite hard into the inside of her palm this time to keep from screaming out Lena’s name and a lot of obscenities, but it still isn't enough to stop a long, high pitch sob from escaping her throat.
Kara once again jerked back to reality, panting and blushing from head to toe and painfully aroused. The fidget spinner in her hands was now a sad, mangled mess of metal.
“Kara?”
Kara nearly jumped through the roof of the car with a squeak. Seeming to sense Kara’s (obvious) gay panic, Lena pushed a button on a tablet mounted in front of her and the barrier between them and the driver closed.
“Did you just have another flashback?” Lena asked, placing a hand gently on Kara’s shoulder.
Kara nodded mutely and closed her eyes. She felt as though every fantasy she’d ever had involving Lena was suddenly coming to life. Every forbidden desire she only indulged in when she was drained and at her weakest or most vulnerable. If she allowed herself a moment of complete honesty, it wasn’t Lena’s assumed straightness that had kept her from Lena all these years. It was this feeling right here. This soul-crushing love that she felt for Lena. The love that threatened to shake her apart at the seams. The love she was beyond terrified to lose. She’d already lost her entire world, she couldn’t lose Lena too. She knew she couldn’t come back from that, not if they crossed this line. This line they’d been toeing since the day they met. This line that Kara suddenly wanted to smash into the next dimension.
Realizing she hadn’t said anything yet, Kara shifted in her seat. “Have we ever. . . um. . . Have we ever made love in the back seat of a car before?” she managed, her face and neck burning even hotter.
“Oh,” Lena said, realization spreading across her lovely face. “Yes. About a month ago. I um. Went down on you.”
Though Kara couldn’t confirm yet, she was beginning to see a pattern in her flashbacks. “Have we ever, um. . . in your lab?”
Lena tilted her head in curiosity and it was so endearing Kara kind of wanted to cry. “Several times. But only ever at night when no one else was there. You um. . . you have a bit of a thing for my lab coat.”
Kara had to swallow down a strangled groan. The thought of Lena Luthor wearing a white lab coat and nothing else, bent over by Kara on one of those lab tables was almost more than Kara’s brain could handle. She was beginning to question whether or not she wanted to actually leave this “reality” or whatever was happening. She seemed to have stumbled upon the perfect world, similar to the world she’d almost once had that Mxy had shown her, only where Lena was still alive. And her wife.
Rao, her wife.
It occurred to her just then that this whole situation was probably really confusing and distressing and probably painful for Lena. This morning she had awakened next to Kara, likely wanting a relaxing morning of kisses, possible lovemaking, breakfast or maybe a brunch date, but instead she woke up with this Kara. This Kara who had been too much of a coward for the last three years to just admit she was hopelessly in love with Lena, and that seeing her with James was one of the most painful things she’d ever experienced. When Lena had broken up with James, Kara had felt such relief she still felt guilty about it more than a year later.
“I’m so sorry, Lena,” Kara said softly. “This is probably all very weird and disconcerting for you. Waking up next to your wife who doesn’t even remember being your wife.”
Lena exhaled a small laugh. “It’s not the worst we’ve been through together. Or even the weirdest. I’m sorry it’s so weird for you. And I’m really sorry for groping you this morning. I certainly wouldn’t have had I know you’re . . . or rather we’re. . .”
“It’s okay,” Kara hurried to reassure her. Then, before she could overthink her next words she said, “It’s not as if I haven’t fanaticized about it. Like a lot.”
One of Lena’s eyebrows shot up, and amusement radiated through her beautiful eyes. “Why haven’t you ever acted on your fantasy in that reality of yours?”
Kara leaned her head back on the headrest with a heavy sigh. “A lot of reasons, but none of them are particularly valid. When I came here, to Earth, I felt so incredibly alone and ‘other,’ and all I wanted was to blend in and just be like everyone else. And when I found out homophobia was a very real thing, I buried part of myself. A very real part of myself. Krypton had no such issues with gender and sexuality, so it was really hard at first, learning what was ‘socially acceptable,’ especially for a woman. But then it just became apart of my ‘human’ mask. I was just the ‘normal’ straight human girl, Kara Danvers. Rao, I’ve been such a coward, Lena.”
Lena reached across the chasm between them and laced their fingers. “Kara, what you went through, what you lost, is no small thing. Of course you have trauma, and of course you had to figure out ways to cope with that. None of us are immune to unhealthy coping mechanisms. Mine, for instance, is scotch. Or whiskey. Luthors are notoriously bad at coping with emotions in any way shape or form other than drowning them in alcohol.”
Kara allowed herself a small smile and stroked Lena’s thumb with her own. “You’re always been so emotionally open with me, right up until I broke your heart. Rao. . . I regret so much, Lena. I don’t know what reality I’m in now, but it seems like a much better place than where I’m from. Although. . .” Kara suddenly paused with a realization hit her. “Wait. There shouldn’t be other realities. All parallel realities were destroyed by the Anti-Monitor in my reality. There’s literally only one left. How is this parallel reality possible?”
Lena’s brow furrowed. “Maybe not all parallel realities were destroyed? Maybe some survived?”
“I don’t think so,” Kara said, worrying her lower lip. "We searched endlessly after that all went down, you searched. You and some of the best and most brilliant minds out there. The Anti Monitor nearly destroyed the entire universe.”
Lena looked deeply troubled by this. “I don’t know why I can’t remember any of this. But. . . are we certain this is another reality? Didn’t you say both of us were sucked into that alien device? If that’s the case, why do we have such vastly different memories of the last three years? And why are you so certain your memories are the ‘correct’ memories?”
Kara paused and thought about that for a long moment. “Well. . . what has happened in the last three years according to your memory?”
Lena’s brow furrowed in thought. “Well let’s see. We first met when you and your cousin Clark were on a story. We became friends and after a couple months of knowing each other you told me you were Supergirl during a whole fiasco with my mother. A few weeks later you asked me out. We dated for about a year before getting married. We’ve certainly had plenty of our own issues to deal with—invading aliens, my insane mother and brother, a Worldkiller—but nothing so vast as parallel realities being destroyed.”
“But you very clearly remember the last three years since we met? It’s not fuzzy or holes in your memory?” Kara pressed.
“Well I don’t have an eidetic memory, but yes. I remember our time together as clearly as all my memories not involving us being married,” Lena replied.
Kara opened her mouth to say something but just then the town car came to a stop outside L-Corp. Kara glanced out the window and was oddly relieved to see that the building still looked the same. “Are you still CEO in this reality?” she asked.
“I was, but after we got married I stepped down because I realized I’d rather spend time with you than play ‘The Game’ with the 1% rich assholes of the world. We work in R&D together when you’re not on Supergirl duty. I’m still majority shareholder at L-Corp, though, so nothing goes on that I don’t approve of. And I get to set my own work hours which is fantastic.”
The two of them stepped out of the car and headed into the familiar building, except instead of going to Lena’s office on the top floor like usual, Lena pressed the basement lab button that required both a fob, a PIN, and a retinal scan. As the elevator began to descend, Kara was about to ask Lena more questions when her mind was suddenly thrown into another memory. Unlike the last ones, this one was slightly less explicit in nature, but no less intimate.
She has Lena pinned against the wall of the elevator, and the sound of Lena’s breathy moans fill her ears as she kisses and nips her wife’s neck. And oh Rao Lena smells so good. Kara slows her kisses and moves up to Lena’s cheek and jawline.
“I love you,” she murmurs against soft skin, pulling Lena even closer. “And if your plan in wearing this black suit of yours was to get me to molest you when we get home, it’s working.”
Lena exhales a small, shaky laugh. “Well I hadn’t exactly intended to start in the elevator, considering there’s a security camera in here.”
“Then it’s a good thing we’re about to go home. Because I’ve been wanting to peel you out of this all day,” Kara says in a low, seductive voice she knows drives Lena wild.
Lena whimpers.
Lena Luthor full-on actual fucking whimpers, and Kara feels what it is to be mad with desire. Their lips fuse together, and their kiss heats up, making Kara feel like her insides are molten lava, and Rao she loves Lena so fucking much.
The memory, like the others, abruptly ended when the elevator dinged and the doors opened. Kara was left panting and flustered yet again and more than a little turned on.
“Did you just have a memory of us in the elevator?” Lena asked, watching Kara’s face closely.
Kara felt herself blush about fifty shades of vermillion. “I um. . . yeah.”
Lena was silent for a few moments, careful now to avoid eye contact. Then, “It must be strange for you. I’m so sorry. It’s hard to imagine a world where we’re not together. But if our positions were reversed, I think I would feel violated. Please know you’re safe with me, Kara. Now that I know you’re. . . our memories are different and that you have no memory of being together, I would never do anything to make you uncomfortable. Consent is kind of a whole huge deal with us because I’m a Luthor and you’re Supergirl.”
“Oh god, please, it never even crossed my mind; I trust you, Lena,” Kara said firmly. She stopped in front of Lena and clasped both of her hands, suddenly feeling a bit loose-lipped. She tried to ignore the reason being, for the first time since they met, she actually felt like she might have a chance with Lena. “There’s no one I trust more than you, Lena. Any and every reality of you. And . . . to be honest. . . it’s not as if I haven’t thought about this, dreamed about this. I was so sure you were straight or uninterested, but in my reality. . . I like you. Probably way more than a platonic friend should.”
It occurred to her only after she said it that Lena might remember that after they figured all this out. Assuming Lena had come with her to this alternate reality and this wasn’t an altogether different Lena. Kara’s stomach did a weird flip at the thought.
“Oh?” Lena said and the hopefulness she was unable to mask made Kara’s heart flutter wildly. Did she actually have a chance with Lena? Insane circumstances notwithstanding, that is.
Kara cleared her throat awkwardly. “I probably should have told you. I was just so afraid of ruining things between us, like you would see it as just another secret I was keeping from you. I messed up so much with you, I couldn’t mess that up, too. I couldn’t bear the idea of you pulling away from me, of putting distance between us again, not when we were finally starting to repair the rift between us.”
“What caused the rift between us?” Lena asked, her tone gentle and non-accusatory.
Kara exhaled a regretful sigh. “I waited far too long to tell you I was Supergirl. And when I finally did, it was too late because Lex had already told you. But you told me, so many times, how much you needed me to be honest, how much you needed my displayed trustworthiness to be real, and I betrayed that trust so many times, with every small, stupid lie I told. Even though you proved to me over and over that I could trust you with my secret, with my life.”
Lena was silent for a few moments before asking quietly, “How did I react to you telling me?”
Kara had to take a deep breath before she launched into a brief recap of the last year or so, trying her best not to use any vilifying language. Though some of Lena’s actions had cut deep wounds, she still didn’t really blame Lena, and she had already forgiven her.
“I used kryptonite against you?” Lena asked when Kara had finished her story. “God, I’m so sorry, Kara. No matter how angry I was, I should never have tortured you.”
“You were hurting and you had literally just killed your brother. For me. I think we all make mistakes when grieving, especially when those we love are the cause of that grief.”
“Please don’t make excuses for me, Kara. I tortured you in retaliation of you lying to me. There is no excuse for that. To be honest, your forgiveness astounds me. God, Kara, we’ve been married for two years and I still feel like I don’t deserve you, especially now.”
Kara pulled Lena into a fierce hug before she could spiral any further into that line of thought. “No. Please don’t do this, Lena. We’ve been through so much; we’ve come too far to go through this again. We’ve forgiven each other, but more importantly, we’ve forgiven ourselves. It’s been hard, and it’s involved a lot of crying and fighting, but we’ve done the work, we’ve moved past this. Please don’t make me relive this, please Lena, please. . .” she trailed off, burying her face in the crook of Lena’s neck. To her embarrassment she realized her face was wet with tears but she couldn’t seem to stop them.
Lena was still for a few moments, enough time for Kara to start panicking that Lena might pull away from her. But then her arms slid around Kara’s back and Lena relaxed into her.
“Okay,” Lena whispered after taking a shuddering breath. “Okay. It’s okay, Kara. I’m sorry. I love you. I’m sorry.”
Kara’s breath caught in her throat at the way Lena had said ‘I love you.’ So often Lena hid her tenderness behind just a hint of iron, especially after their falling out. She maintained a certain distance with Kara to protect her heart, which Kara fully understood and respected, so it was like a warm balm to her soul she didn’t know she needed to hear to love and trust in Lena’s voice, even if it was under stolen circumstances.
Before that thought could fully form into something guiltworthy, Kara’s mind drifted, much more gently this time, into another memory.
They’re in the lab alone together, Lena sitting on a lab table with Kara standing in front of her, pressed between her thighs. Despite the position in which Kara stands, at the moment they’re merely sharing a chaste, sweet kiss. When Kara pulls back, they’re grinning at each other like adorable, in love idiots.
“I love you, Kara Zor-El,” Lena croons, sprinkling feather-light kisses on Kara’s cheeks.
Kara runs her hands up along Lena’s thighs, humming in appreciation of the tight blue jeans currently wrapped around those legs of hers. “Have I mentioned I love it when you wear jeans?” Kara purrs, sliding her hands up and around to squeeze Lena’s ass. “And I love you, Lena Luthor.”
“I’m glad to hear your love of me is only surpassed by your love of my ass in jeans,” Lena smirks.
“Leeena!” Kara whines, grimacing when Lena’s smirk transforms into a shit-eating grin.
“No, no I’m flattered!” Lena laughs, happy and bright. “And feeling really good about my ass at the moment, actually.”
Kara groans and drops her face on Lena’s shoulder. “You’re the worst.”
“You married it,” Lena snorts.
“All right, you know what?” Kara says, then grabs Lena by the waist and slings her over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Lena squeals and giggles as Kara smacks her now-very-accessible ass. “I think this ass needs a reminder of who’s boss around here.”
Lena merely dissolves into more giggles. “Oh and that’s you, is it?”
“As owner of Lena Luthor’s Ass (Patent Pending), yes!” Kara exclaims, parading a giggling Lena around the lab.
The memory faded and Kara found herself smile wide and happy as she pulled back from Lena’s warm embrace. “I just had another memory,” she said softly. “It involved you wearing a really nice pair of jeans.”
Lena snorted, the sadness in her eyes lifting a little. “Honestly, I can’t decide if those damn jeans are the best or worst purchase I’ve ever made.”
“Best. Definitely the best,” Kara said quickly.
Lena giggled. “Noted.”
As they walked towards the array of equipment in Lena’s lab, Kara was beginning to think it might not be so bad being stuck here for a bit after all.