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Destiny; the events that will necessarily happen to a particular person or thing in the future.
Ask a million different people what their take on destiny is and you’ll get a million different answers, opinions, and takes. It’s something that makes you think, makes the cogs in your brain turn, and makes your mind spark with interest. It’s something that if you don’t explain well, can be misleading, misjudged.
And for Sapnap, well he believed in destiny a little too much. He thought that every person he ever came across in his entire life was meant to be there, it was no accident that certain things happened to him. It was always like that for him. I mean how else could you explain his attraction to his best friend he met years ago, how else would you explain the way that he smiles every time he catches Dream staring at him.
There’s no other explanation other than destiny, he always thought that in the end, it would be them, no matter what, it was always them. Sapnap and Dream, Dream and Sapnap. They fit, they work together, 9 years of friendship, that seemed like there was no end to it; other than their skeletons holding hands next to each other six feet under the ground. That’s, the only way it would ever end because they needed each other, there was no Sapnap without Dream and no dream without Sapnap.
Sapnap always felt an attraction to Dream, whether he liked to admit it or not, he’d like to think even at the tender age at 12, that there was a world where Dream would be walking down the aisle and walking towards Sapnap, the love of his life, happy.
He assumed these were normal thoughts to have, that thinking about boys the same way other people talked about girls was normal because that’s all he ever knew. He had never had a girlfriend but never had a crush on a boy other than Dream. All his thoughts were of Dream, ask Sapnap what his future looked like and you would hear the name Dream come up more than once.
As much as he hated that he did, he depended on Dream for happiness, he needed him to feel better about himself whenever he was down. If he and dream weren’t speaking he would feel like his entire world would come crashing down, he felt like if he did something that prompted them to not speak. When in reality, Dream was probably just sleeping, and part of Sapnap knew it was stupid, stupid that he would ever think Dream would just ghost him like that when they’ve been friends for so long. After all of those times, Dream told him that he would never leave and always be there for him whenever he needed him.
But there was still that part of him that always thought he was gonna say “I can’t do this anymore,” and go. And Sapnap’s world would be doomed, he wouldn’t be able to get off his bed for weeks. He would starve himself till he couldn’t walk anymore and he curl up and die, his only reason for being alive, gone. In a second. A day he hoped he would never have to experience, a state in which he would never have to see himself.
He was terrified of giving all that power to Dream.
As much as he trusted Dream, he could never tell him how he truly felt about him. How he stayed up multiple nights sobbing, listening to music that reminded him of Dream because the feelings were so strong. He felt like he was standing at the edge of a cliff, one wrong step between love and heartbreak.
Obviously, Sapnap wanted to tell Dream. He would do anything for Dream to feel the same way about him. He craved that Dream would look at him with such love and fondness in his eyes he would never have to question a single thing in his life. He craved that happiness the two of them would share. He didn’t want Dream to even think about other people like how Sapnap thought about him, he wanted to be Dream’s and Dream to be his.
It was a constant battle of whether or not Sapnap should tell him. In the end not telling him would win, it always does. But at what point does it lose? At what point does telling him seems easier than holding it in? It felt inevitable. He was drowning when he was with him, but he felt like he couldn’t breathe without him. So when does the pain get to be too much and he finally cracks?
“Can you give me the cheese in the fridge Sap?”
Making grilled cheese at midnight while listening to ‘The Weeknd’, something so domestic, something that you wouldn’t bat an eye at because their best friends, but of course, Dream was shirtless, and Sapnap couldn’t. Stop. Staring.
“You know if you’re just gonna stand there and stare at me, might as well help me, I am making these for the two of us”
And of course, Sapnap was caught staring. Great.
“I wasn’t staring at you, I just zoned out moron.”
“Zoned out at what? The sight of my abs?” Dream had that teasing tone behind his voice, a smirk plastered across his face, and Sapnap wished he could wipe that smirk off with a ki-
“Shut up, just take the cheese and shut your stupid mouth”
“No need to get defensive Sap, if you want to watch me shirtless I wouldn’t mind having it off more,” Dream’s tone dropped several octaves, and he still had that stupid smirk across his face, and sapnap couldn’t help but stare at his back muscles when he turned around to finish up the sandwiches.
God had his favourites and Dream. Well, Dream was probably the most favourite, at least to Sapnap. Sapnap always thought to himself.
He fantasized about being under, on top? Doesn’t matter. Just in bed with Dream countless times, he felt guilty when he would jerk off to just the thought of what Dream would do to him. What he would do to Dream. He knew it was wrong, but how could he not? He was just so pretty.
The urge to push Dream up on the counter was strong, but Sapnap was stronger. He held off. Maybe another time, he thought.
“What are you doing tomorrow, by the way?” Dream asked teasing tone disappeared like it wasn’t there, to begin with.
“Why so you can take your shirt off in front of me?”
“Take my shirt off for you, you mean. And also no, I told you I wanted to go to the mall to get a few things and you said you would’ve taken me if you were free, and you just never got back to me afterwards.”
“Oh, yeah sure just come get me whenever you’re ready.”
“With my shirt on or off?” that stupid smirk was there again.
“Honestly, you should keep it off you look good like that” his turn to smirk.
“Wow, did Sapnap grow balls all of a sudden? Who would’ve thought?”
“I always had balls you moron, probably bigger than yours too,” at this point, it was a smirk-off between the two of them.
“You wanna bet on that?” he said while cocking an eyebrow up.
“$20, that’s how much your balls are worth anyway.” Dream just chuckled at shook his head, and Sapnap at that moment, was okay if he died, that if something were to happen he would be okay with life, making Dream laugh and shake his head like that, knowing that he is the only person who could make him look like that was enough for him.
Dream finished up the sandwiches, and they both leaned over the kitchen island and ate in silence, just staring at each other. Sapnap taking in Dream’s features like artwork at a museum. Just drowning in the way Dream’s eyes look, that beautiful emerald green that’s always been the perfect shade, his slight fangs that make his smile perfect. He was perfect. Anybody with working eyes and a brain could see that.
As much as Sapnap hated it he was in love with Dream, and he hated himself for it. He felt selfish like he didn’t deserve being in Dream’s presence because it makes him happy. Sapnap didn’t think he deserved to be happy, especially with and because of Dream. Because why does he deserve to be happy in the first place? All Sapnap has ever done is be an asshole to his friends. Like when his friend Tyler liked this girl that Sapnap liked, why couldn’t he have been supportive and not jealous that she liked him back instead of Sapnap?
Maybe if he had been supportive instead of acting like he was out to get him maybe he would still be there for him and to help him through what he was going through now. But he made the stupid decision of letting him go, and now he had to suffer by himself because the only person that he could rely on, was ironically the person he was in love with, and you couldn’t exactly go tell the person you’re in love with the reason why you’re upset because of them now, can you?
“Hey, so what time do you wanna go to the mall tomorrow? It’s kinda late and if you plan on going early I wanna be awake to not hold you back, you know?”
“Uhh, I’m not really sure, really depends on when I wake up but whenever I plan on going I’ll just walk into your room with my shirt off and wake you up,” Dream teased with a wink at the end of his sentence.
“You talk about taking your shirt off a lot, you like me or something?” Sapnap threw back with the most teasing grin he could muster, taking a sip of his water.
“Maybe, is that an issue with you?” He said while walking away, Sapnap knew it was a joke, he knew that but something inside him screamed, told him don’t let him get the last laugh because he knew that there was truth to Dream’s words, there was no way that the way he lingered on the E that it wasn’t fully a joke
So he did something he would either hate or love himself for, for the rest of his life.
“It’s not an issue if it’s a yes, considering I might like you back,”
He watched as Dream stopped dead in his tracks, unsure of the expression on his face. He slowly turned around and saw a look he only ever saw Dream have for him. His heart skipped a beat as soon as Dream took the first step towards him, each stop dripping in anticipation as to what he would do when he got close enough.
“Don’t say things you don’t mean Sapnap.”
“No, you’re right. I don’t mean ‘might’ I mean I definitely like you, and It’s late, and I probably shouldn’t tell you this because the probability of you liking me back is actually so low, considering I’m me and you’re you but it been eating me alive for so long I don’t think I can handle keeping it in anymore, and it feels so good to say that out loud oh my god.”
Sapnap finally looked up to Dream’s face after rambling, and he couldn’t tell if the look on his face was of shock or disgust.
“I understand if you don’t like me back, I just really needed to get that-”
Why’d he stopped talking? What was restricting him from talking. Why is he tasting someone else’s lips? Why does this person smell like Dream? Why’d he pulled away so quickly?
“I need you to stop talking and kiss me back, now. I’ve like- no. loved you for so long Sap, I thought I was going insane keeping it in. Please just stop talking.”
And in an instant, he lunged forward and smashed his lips onto Dream’s, his hands going straight into his hair, he always wondered about how this moment would feel when he finally had Dream’s hair between his fingers, up on his tiptoes struggling to reach him because he was so tall.
Dreams hands were all over Sapnap, from one on his waist to one on his shoulder, rubbing circles into both with his thumbs, and when they finally pulled apart from each other a string of saliva connected them. Both men panted, feeling out of breath from not wanting to stop kissing each other, like the minute they pulled apart they would lose each other.
Sapnap’s mouth flew straight to Dream’s neck, kissing and sucking into it like it belonged to him, never letting up as Dream let out a breathy moan.
He couldn’t believe this was happening. He’s wanted this for so long and now that he finally got it he doesn’t wanna mess it up, he hopes that this isn’t just a sick joke dream wanted to pull on him with George in his pocket laughing at him, muted in a discord call.
He got terrified that he was just kidding with him, so reluctantly he pulled away, only wanting to hold him closer, put his hands back in his hair, tug and hear Dream’s groan again, but he couldn’t.
“Dream?”
“Yeah? Did I do something wrong?”
“I love you so much, more than you could even comprehend I think, more than I can comprehend, and I know you just said you loved me back, but I can’t help but think that you’re lying to me, maybe it something in my brain that’s wanting me to think like that, but I’m so worried that you’ll leave me tomorrow morning after the high is gone, I-”
Dream’s lips interrupted his rambling again, he really needed to stop doing that.
“Sapnap, I can promise you with my entire heart, that I love you just as much as you love me. That I see you the way you see me, and maybe we’re stupid for not seeing it earlier but we’re here now and that’s all that matters, I am not gonna leave you tomorrow, I love you too much to ever think about doing that. I’ll say it a million times over if that’s what it takes for you to believe me.”
He said with a smile, a certain smile that Sapnap hasn’t seen him give other people, a look in his eyes, the tone of voice. Everything that he just said to him. Finally hit him at once and he snapped.
He took the right step.
And he was so glad that he did.