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Mew lay sprawled on the ground, his eyes glued to a batch of white clouds drifting by in the vast expanse of the bright blue sky. The grass underneath him was a lush green, the accompanying soft prickle a welcome sensation. The breeze flew by, a feather touch on his face, as he basked in the warm light of the waning sun.
Ah, if time could come to a standstill.
His eyes fluttered close as Mew lay motionless on the grass, absorbing the serenity of his surroundings. It was a place he had come across by accident, and one he would never wish to leave. It wasn’t as if Mew had any other place to go either way. A dog-shaped cloud floated into his line of sight. Mew could see a fuzzy brown tail, a small round body covered with fur fuzzing in every direction. Tiny, rounded ears and a pleading gaze from a pair of black eyes which felt like liquid. The dog trotted across the blue sky, its motion warming Mew.
"Ah! A dog."
Mew gasped, jerking upright as he realised the presence of another person beside him. Engrossed in the imaginary canine, he had been caught unawares. With a palm over his chest to soothe his racing heart, Mew cast a furtive glance at the person currently sitting right by his side, knees bunched up. The subdued lighting of the setting sun hid the finer details of the intruder but he seemed to be older than Mew. His longish hair curled around his nape, the dwindling sunshine casting a sheen over the soft brown tuft and his lean profile rendered a certain aesthetic to him. The man’s features were sharp, yet so soft, radiating a sense of comfort which was alien, yet strangely familiar to Mew. Realizing that he was staring at the stranger, Mew quickly slumped back on the grass, shifting his gaze back to the now blushing sky, the bright blue dimmed. He surely had lost track of time.
“Sorry for startling you.”
Mew nodded.
“My name is Gulf.”
A nod.
“This place is beautiful.”
A nod, again.
“How long have you been here?”
Mew stayed silent. That was a path he was unwilling to tread on with a stranger.
“Ah, I see how it is.” Gulf chuckled softly, his arms tightening around his knees “Do you know, the clouds remind me of a dog my partner has. He is a tiny fuzzball but he is super feisty.” he paused, chuckling lightly as he reminisced about his partner’s pet. Tiny fuzzball? Maybe it looked like the dog Mew imagined in the clouds. Mew pictured him trotting around the house, licking at Gulf’s hand when he seemed down, yelping at him when Gulf tried to befriend him. A strange pang filled Mew’s chest at the thought and for a moment he could feel the dog, his fur, his squeaky yelp, his puppy eyes and the soft tap as he waited for belly rubs-
“Hey!”
Mew jerked back to reality and found Gulf looking down at him, worry emanating from his figure.
“Are you alright? You went really pale for a moment.”
Mew nodded, his heart racing as blood rushed to his face. What was this feeling? What was this familiarity which gripped his entire being? It did not make sense. He brought a hand to his chest, feeling his heart race underneath his cool palm and took a deep breath, focusing instead on the now violet sky, trying to calm himself. It was unsettling – the presence of this stranger in his space, the peculiar case of the dog, the fact that he hadn’t even realised when the darkness had taken over the sky – all of it.
Mew sat up, mimicking the man – Gulf, his brain supplied – beside him, pulling his knees to his chest, feeling the soft breeze fluttering past him. The clouds above them had paved the way to the rising moon, the soft moonlight shining upon them; lighting up the whole field. Mew cast a side-eyed glance to Gulf, only to feel the blood rush to his face as he caught said man still looking at him, eyes wide, eyebrows furrowed with concern. He whipped his face to the front, blushing and picked at the short strands of grass to distract himself from things he couldn’t put a finger on.
Gulf sighed softly and Mew looked at him, to find him craning his neck towards the sky, the soft sheen of the moonlight on Gulf’s profile transfixing Mew.
“My partner’s dog isn’t really fond of me, you know?” Gulf spoke, fondness colouring his voice contradicting the words he spoke “He’s called Chopper, because my partner likes –”
“ – One Piece.”
Gulf jerked towards him, eyes wide, lips parted slightly in surprise when Mew realised that he had said it out loud. A soft blush came over him as he took in Gulf's eyes sparkling with surprise, excitement and…something else? Mew couldn't figure out what exactly and Gulf laughed, leaving Mew gaping, his heart thudding at the soft laugh.
"Yeah." Mew could hear the smile in Gulf's voice as he sighed again, this time reliving fond memories. "He likes One Piece, a lot. Do you like it too?"
Did he?
"I don't know." Mew whispered, watching a dash of pain fleet across Gulf's face so quickly, he felt as if he had imagined it. And he didn't like the thought of it.
"Maybe I do." Mew said, trying to appease Gulf "It must be a good anime since I remember the name, yeah, I think-"
"Yeah" Gulf cut him off, a soft, yet tight smile on his face which caused a pang, once again "Maybe you do like it."
Silence fell over them after that and Mew found himself in a state of unrest, his thoughts ebbing and flowing, a tempest raging in his mind with Gulf and his words at the eye of it all. The very thought of Chopper and One Piece made him feel warm on the inside which was very strange, for in all of his 19 years of life he's never heard of either. A seemingly glaring hole was evident to Mew but he couldn't figure out what pieces were missing, and why?
Who was Gulf, and why was he here today?
"Gulf."
A hum.
"Do I know you?"
This time, the pain was evident in Gulf's eyes and it crushed Mew's insides, the visceral reaction of his own self to Gulf's pain shocking him more than the reason behind it. He gasped, his hand moving on its own accord to his heart, scrunching his t-shirt with his fist as his heart beat painfully, screaming to be let free. Gulf seemed to catch up on it and Mew saw his lips quivering into a ghost of a smile, features softening in an attempt to convince Mew that it was okay, there was no pain for him to worry about.
It just wasn’t convincing enough.
“Am I supposed to know you?” Mew croaked out, desperation tinting his voice. “My heart burns, like I am missing something integral, like every cell is trying to hint at something but I just–”
“It’s okay, Mew.”
“It’s not!” Mew snapped “And how do you even know my name when I didn’t tell you? How do you know about the dog I saw in the clouds? How did you find me here in the first place? I don’t understand any of it and it’s frustrating!”
A frigid silence fell upon them, punctured only by heavy breaths as Mew huffed, tears prickling at the corner of his eyes. All of his confusion along with the feelings Gulf generated inside him had fused into an ugly blob of frustration. The night breeze had picked up, no longer soft and calming but sharp and cold against their skins as Mew blinked his tears away. With the sudden flash of emotions also came a grounding realisation. He asked Gulf how he had found this place, but, how had Mew found this place first? He realised, with increasing horror, that he had no recollection of coming to this open field, no recollection of where he had come from and for what. His breathing quickened, coming out in sharp gasps as panic gripped him; a chasm forming in his mind, threatening to swallow him, pull him into the dark abyss –
“ – Mew!” The firm hand on his shoulder brought him back, only to find small shivers gripping his body, sweat droplets racing along his face. Mew looked at Gulf, eyebrows scrunched in a silent plea – for what, he yet had to know – and felt a soft squeeze on his shoulder, a sombre smile on Gulf’s face.
“Okay!” Gulf clapped his hands loudly, startling Mew, as he stood up suddenly, turning to face Mew.
“Let’s play a game, shall we?”
“What! No –”
“It’s not a request, Mew.”
Mew gulped and stared at Gulf, seeing his eyes shine with determination. He sighed in defeat and mimicked Gulf, standing up to face him.
“Okay, I have nothing to lose either way.”
Gulf smirked at him and Mew saw no humour in it “Alright then. Here are the rules. I will ask you three questions. For a wrong answer I take a step backwards, for a correct one I stay at the same place.”
“What?” Mew asked, incredulously “It doesn’t make sense.”
Gulf chalked an eyebrow at him “As if everything else does?”
Fair point. “Okay, let’s begin.”
“How old are you?”
“19”
Gulf took a step back, shaking his head, a smile creeping up his face unbeknownst to him.
“But I am!” Mew insisted. “How could I not be –”
A small salmon sashimi cake, a passionate kiss, big brown eyes staring up at him, glowing with the candle light, a peaceful evening, a hushed wish.
“Happy birthday, P’Mew. Oe oe, stop being a big baby, 30 is sexy.”
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. How about I prove it to you right now?" a whisper against the length of his neck.
Mew froze, the sudden flash of a distant memory disorienting him. Was this his? One of the missing pieces to catch a way out of this conundrum? It felt so, with how comfortably his whole being accepted the memory, as if it belonged to him from the beginning. He looked back up at Gulf only to find him much farther than he was before. Confusion coloured him again. Hadn’t Gulf taken just a single step back? As he tried to make sense of the already distorted reality, Mew noticed a looming wall of mist start to build up all around them from the corner of his eyes.
Mew could sense he was running out of time – for what? – that he didn’t know himself.
Gulf smiled at him, a new twinkle in his eyes and Mew just knew, knew that Gulf had an idea what was happening. And if the only way to get anything from him was to play his nonsensical game, so be it.
“I am not surprised you are slowly figuring it out. You were always so smart. Did you also figure out that we are running out of time?"
Mew gritted his teeth, every nerve taut with tension. Yes, of course he had noticed. The gap between him and Gulf seemed to increase at a glacial rate even though they weren't moving; the fog seemed to close on them faster. If Mew didn't finish the game, if Mew didn't find the missing pieces, Gulf would disappear and -
Gulf seemed to have caught on to the panic rising inside Mew for he clapped again, pulling Mew out from the downward spiral of his thoughts. “Next question?”
Mew nodded.
“What is Chopper’s favourite place to be?
The soft pit pat of his tiny paws as he trotted towards Mew; the round pleading eyes and insistent pawing to pick him up, to place him on Mew’s lap, to spoil him with belly rubs. Mew laughed, realising how Chopper had him wrapped around his little paw, not that he’d ever complain about it. He nuzzled his fur, soft cooing noises escaping him, not noticing the man who had just entered the room.
“Aow, Chopper stole my place.”
"My lap, he loves sitting on my lap."
Dazed, he almost didn’t notice the tear escaping his eyes. A familiar warmth took root in his chest, spreading throughout his body like lava as he remembered Chopper. Images flashed across his mind - the day at the shelter where he saw the tiny pudgy dog, the anxiety which gripped him when Chopper fell ill, the tears which rolled down his face as he hugged the dog, apologizing for the discomfort Mew caused him, the laughter which escaped him when he bit—
...bit who?
Snapping out of his daze, Mew looked up and saw Gulf smiling at him. He hadn’t taken a step backwards- Mew had remembered correctly! - but his eyes were not smiling. Mew felt his heart clench painfully.
“I think I am supposed to...but I don’t remember you, Gulf.”
Mew saw the smile falter on Gulf’s face, he could make out the quiver in those lips even from this far and he hated it with every inch of being.
“Yeah.” Gulf said, a little hoarse “I expected that.” He took a step backwards which was when Mew realised how close the fog was “That was going to be my last question, Mew. I think I have my answer.”
“No, please” Mew whispered, desperation tinting his voice and he saw Gulf’s resolve crumble and the smile disappeared completely into a desperation which matched his own.
“I hate, hate to put you on the spot like this, I truly do” the newly formed tremble in Gulf’s voice shaking Mew to the inner core “but I have to do this Mew. It’s been too long.”
“–wait, please! Gulf!” tears now flowed down Mew’s face freely, his vision blurry as Gulf took another step back, the fog forming around threatening to engulf him. No no no no! He couldn’t let Gulf leave, not now when the pieces were starting to take shape in his head. Mew needed Gulf, needed him to take the last step, to cross the threshold.
"What? I can't hear you, Gulf!"
Mew could see his lips move but with the blood rushing into his ears and the ever growing distance between them, he couldn't hear anymore. Mew took off, sprinting towards Gulf, a last ditch attempt to catch him before the fog fully enveloped him. He remembered bits and pieces, remembered how he was not 19, but 30; remembered his sweet Chopper and the soft belly rubs he demanded; remembered nights under the starry sky, the cool breeze dancing around him as he strummed his guitar. He just had to remember who Gulf was. He needed to remember. Needed to reach Gulf so he could help him remember. And so he ran.
But he couldn't reach. He ran but the gap wouldn't close – the cursed sorcery of the place which trapped him. He skidded to a stop, not an inch away from where he had started. Huffing, Mew clenched his fists, his jaw rigid with frustration, not willing to accept its defeat. The tears which had been blown away by his short sprint were now replaced by fresh ones as he could only watch, watch as the white fog – suffocating – covered Gulf’s lower half, watch as Gulf’s eyes grew glassy with tears, breaking into a watery smile for him, mouth parted open to say the last few words, the one final push Mew would need.
“Please come back to me.”
The night under the starry sky, the cool breeze dancing around them as Mew strummed the guitar. Honey brown eyes that looked up at him, a soft kiss to his cheek, the matching silver bands glittering in the moonlight.
“Look at me, P’Mew.”
Mew looked sideways at the man who called for him, the face flickering into focus as Gulf’s eyes sparkled with excitement, his face stretched into the familiar heart shaped smile. Mew smiled at him, his heart thumping loudly with nothing but pure love for the man, the man who had been with him for all his ups and downs, the man who he was now married to.
“What do you want me to look at?”
“Aow” Gulf pouted, shuffling closer to Mew, his hands landing on Mew’s thigh. “One year into the marriage and my husband finds his guitar more interesting than me. What will I do now?” Gulf sighed dramatically and Mew laughed out loud, no stranger to his husband’s antics but still ridiculously endeared.
“P’Mew?”
“Hmm?”
“I love you.”
Mew smiled, “I love you too —”
“...Tua-eng.” Mew whispered, feeling the chasm inside him close up, the exhilaration of finding the last missing piece overwhelming him. He could feel the blood furiously through his veins, his ears ringing before the fog engulfed him – a blinding light – and everything went silent.
-
And in a hospital in Bangkok, in the middle of the night, a pair of eyes opened.
A sharp inhale, a shout to the doctors and a relieved whisper.
“You came back to me.”