Chapter Text
----- Jean -----
“Jean, do you have a second?” I look up from the current pile of paperwork to see Amber standing in the doorway, an apologetic grin on her face. I don’t, not really. I’ll already be working late tonight to get all the requisition forms filed, and there’s a pile of messages in need of replies. But Amber isn’t one to bother me unless it’s important, so I simply suppress a sigh, mark my current place, and turn my attention to Mondstadt’s lone Outrider.
“Of course, Amber, please come in. What did you need to talk to me about?” She shuffles in, closing the door behind her. Private, then. Amber wouldn’t even have qualms about airing the details of her sex life in the middle of the library. I know this from experience. So whatever she wants to talk about must either be held in the utmost confidence, or isn’t her secret to betray. Either way, I’m steeling myself for a difficult conversation.
“Well… the thing is…” Amber rubs at her arm, before trailing off. I’m starting to wonder if Sucrose perfected a transformation potion, and that’s who is sitting in front of me, instead. I’ve never seen Amber so subdued. A pit is forming in my stomach as my mind starts to conjure what possible events might have led her to this state. Is someone dead? Is someone about to be dead, once I find them?
“Amber, whatever it is, you can talk to me.” I reach across the desk to hold her hand in mine. There’s something different about her, besides her hesitance. Not her clothes - those look normal, nor her hair - a little disheveled but not unreasonably so. She just seems slightly more present, for lack of a better term. Vibrant. Could something have happened to her? I’m already trying to remember where Albedo should be right now, in case I need to go scold him for experimenting on his fellow knights, and order him to fix this, whatever ‘this’ is. I was hoping he would have learned after the invisible Klee incident, but maybe not...
“Thank you, Jean.” Amber smiles up at me, but there’s a fear and hesitance in her eyes. “It’s not… bad, exactly. Just awkward.” Breathing an internal sigh of relief, I let go of a good half of the possibilities I’d been considering. However, while overall this was good news, if the current rate of progress was any indication, I could lose most of the afternoon to this conversation. I smile encouragingly at her, but no more than that. Rushing her probably won’t help.
“I’m… in pre-heat...” she manages to force out, before covering her face with her hands. Well. That’s not too bad. I start mentally rearranging duty schedules to account for her absence, and apologize silently to Albedo for doubting him. “...and I want you to help me,” she finishes. My mind hits a wall and stops.
“When you say… help you... you mean…?” I stare at Amber. Amber stares at me. She breaks first.
“I don’t… like having heats. I can’t work, I can’t take care of myself, I can’t even keep myself safe. It’s hard for me to hold back and be responsible at the best of times, and heat is not the best of times.
It isn’t hard for me to show the sympathy I’m feeling on my face. It does sound awful, for someone fiercely independent like Amber, and I think I’m starting to understand what’s going on.
“I take suppressants to prevent the heats, but over time they stop working, without any breaks.” She looks up at me sadly, and the mystery of why my attention is drawn to her suddenly falls into place. With the suppressants failing, her omega scent must be coming through, just faintly enough for a subliminal pull. I keep this realization to myself, though, and she continues. “Last time I stopped taking them, it was terrible. I was in so much pain, and nothing helped. They said… the only thing that could properly satisfy me was… an alpha…” She trails off. From her shaking voice, and the quivering of her lips, she sounds like she’s about to cry. I gently stroke her hand, wishing I could do more to comfort her.
“I don’t want some random asshole knotting me silly for a week.” Pausing again, she collects herself. I sit there patiently. The paperwork can wait. “If I have to be f-fucked by an alpha, I want it to be somebody I can trust.”
She looks up at me, large eyes brimming with tears, and it’s as if I can feel my future unfolding in front of me. I can’t afford to lose a week of my time helping an omega through their heat. Not even for a friend, like Amber. But I can’t say no to her either. Not after she poured her heart out to me. I could try suggesting other alphas she knows, like Kaeya, or Eula. But Kaeya isn’t exactly trustworthy, and Eula… Something tightens in my heart at the thought of her helping Amber through her heat. Knotting Amber, instead of me. Realizing that she could have been fucking a real omega all this time, instead of a defective alpha. No. I don’t want that.
“I’ll do it.” I can feel my face heating up, as the full extent of what I’ve just agreed to settles in my mind. “When do you think it will start?”
Amber blushes, her cheeks as red as mine.
“It already has. Once I stop taking my suppressants, it’ll be at full-strength within a day.”
I take a breath. Not a lot of time to prepare. Lisa can handle the administrative work. Kaeya can handle the personnel assignments. Albedo can keep an eye on Klee. Eula... Eula might have to take over any of Amber’s more urgent responsibilities, since her position as Reconnaissance Captain shares the most overlap in duties with our lone Outrider. I’ll have to talk to all of them, and it will take some time to go over all the duties.
I look up at Amber, still holding her hand, and squeeze it gently. I want her to know I’m taking this seriously, and not just blowing her off.
“Can you wait another day?” I see her face start to fall, and I curse myself. Maybe I should have started more gently. “I have a lot of responsibilities to hand off to the other knights, and it will take me some time to bring them up to speed. I want to make sure I can devote my full attention to you during your heat.”
Amber’s blushing, smiling face tells me I said the right thing, this time.
-----
I don’t want to have to talk to Eula about this. Even if there’s nothing between us, it feels… awkward to bring it up. But I don’t really have a choice. I’ve already talked to Lisa, Kaeya, and Albedo.
Not that any of those conversations were fun, either. Albedo wanted me to provide data about the experience for his research. Data that I absolutely do not plan on sharing. Kaeya’s smug grin put me on edge the whole time I was talking to him, and Lisa’s teasing wasn’t any better. They both treated it like a foregone conclusion that I was going to claim Amber by the end of her heat.
I am doing this to help a friend, that’s it. Nobody is claiming anybody. I do not want an omega, and I do not want to be anyone’s alpha.
“Jean, did you need something?”
I realize I’m standing outside Eula’s door. Eula’s open door. And Eula, who is on the other side of it. I feel my cheeks heating up. This wasn’t how I imagined this going.
“Oh, uh, yes. There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Well, come in, I can’t keep a sworn enemy such as yourself waiting all day.”
I cover my mouth with a hand to stifle my giggle. While Eula’s peculiar speech patterns are mostly a thing of the past, every so often they manage to find their way out. It’s endearing.
I enter the room and take a seat on the couch beside her. Eula had once told me that it was intended as a casual spot for relaxation, or to host guests. I could vouch for both, but perhaps not without blushing.
Clearing my throat, I chase the stray thoughts from my mind, and mentally step into my role as the Acting Grandmaster of the Knights of Favonius. I can do this.
“Eula, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to cover some of Amber’s responsibilities for the next week or so.”
There, simple. Just a nice calm discussion about work duties.
“Oh no, has something happened to her?” A frown twists Eula’s face, and I can almost feel the concern radiating off her. It isn’t surprising, given how close the two of them are, but it does make me wonder why she didn’t already know.
“Nothing bad,” I say, trying to forestall any panic. “At least, not exactly.”
Eula looks at me expectantly, and I suppose I can’t really avoid saying more. But if Amber hasn’t already told her… No. I’d have to tell her anyway, for the second part of the discussion. I don’t like it, but it is what it is.
“Just some, ah, routine health issues.” I look away, trying to calm the blush that’s already forming.
“Oh. But, it’s serious enough that she isn’t able to work?” Eula asks, a note of concern in her tone. I almost choke on my own saliva, imagining Amber taking on missions in such a state.
“ Routine health issues,” I emphasize. I’d really prefer not to have to come out and say it, but it’s not like Eula has ever been the most adept at the unspoken word.
I watch her face, until finally it dawns on her. Eyebrows raised, just slightly, but enough to be clear to me.
“Ohh… Routine health issues, I see…” She trails off. I wonder if she’s asking the same question I am, in her head. I offer a silent apology to Amber. Hopefully they’ll sort it out later, between them. I clasp my hands together, preparing myself.
“I won’t be available either.”
I can see the gears turning in her mind. Her mouth opens, to ask the question. It would be easier not to have to say it myself, but I at least owe Eula that much.
“She… asked me to help her. Apparently, it would be unbearable, without… assistance.” Eula’s mouth curls down into a frown, before smoothing out again. Quickly enough that most people might miss it. But I have plenty of practice reading her. What does it mean? Is she upset that Amber asked me instead of her? “If… that makes you uncomfortable, I don’t have t—”
“No, it’s fine.” Eula’s face doesn’t bear a trace of her earlier concern. “She asked you because she wants your help. Needs your help.” She smiles at me, and as much as it looks genuine, I can’t shake the feeling it isn’t. “I don’t want to interfere with that.” She stands up, and makes her way over to gaze out the window. With her back to me, even I can’t tell what she’s thinking.
“She and I are just friends. You and I… we agreed it was just a sexual release. It isn’t my place to come between the two of you.”
I close my eyes, and take a deep breath. It hurts, to have it all laid out like that. But she’s right. Just a sexual release. When I open my eyes again, Eula is sitting at her desk, already back at work. She smiles at me. It feels bittersweet.
“Go on, get back to it. I’m sure you have plenty of tasks in need of attention before you go.”
I gaze at her, and my heart hurts. This isn’t what I want. Not to hurt her. Never to hurt her. But how can I make things right? Amber needs an alpha. If she didn’t ask Eula, she must have had her reasons. Me refusing to help Amber wouldn’t change that. All I can do is support everyone to the best of my abilities, and hope that will be enough.
I stand up and turn to leave. I feel like there’s a lump in my throat. Tears form in the corners of my eyes.
“E-Eula…” I croak out. “I don’t want this to change things between us.”
She takes a few seconds, before she replies.
“Then I hope it won’t, Jean. I hope it won’t.”