Work Text:
Growing up in a small town in Korea, an hour outside of Seoul, was uneventful and uninspiring. Every day as a child he would dream of a big city and the beach, all because of that one time his parents took him and his brother to Busan for a summer vacation. It was an extended weekend, his parents not being able to afford much else, but it stuck with Doyoung. Somehow, someway, that weekend at the beach changed something in Doyoung. The ocean waves lapped a cavity in Doyoung’s soul, taking a piece of it and keeping it there waiting for it’s rightful owner to return and reclaim it.
Doyoung wanted payback.
He wanted to take the beach home with him to try and fill that little hole. An eye for an eye. So he stuffed his pocket full of beach sand and made sure his parents didn’t touch his shorts the rest of the time there. By the time he got home, most of it had fallen out but there was still enough for him to put in a small sandwich bag that he kept in his desk drawer. Come high school, he upgraded his bag to a glass jar that he kept on display. A reminder of the empty space deep in his chest, needing to be filled.
Now this glass jar sits on his office desk in the User Support Services department of Busan National University. He thought taking this job at the Help Desk would help him find that piece that was taken years ago. Instead, he was left confused and even more empty than before. His body grew with age but so did the hole. His first week living in Busan, he spent every day at the beach digging his hands and feet as deep into the sand as they would go. But nothing helped. The tides changed and took that piece of Doyoung with it, gone forever.
“Hello.”
“Hello.”
“Uhm… my laptop is fried.”
“Fried how?”
“I can’t turn it on anymore.”
“Can I see it?” Doyoung reached his hands out to take the laptop from the boy in front of him. Doyoung usually didn’t feel old when working with college students, given that he was actually not that much older than them, but something about the short boy with a round face in front of him made him feel much older than he was. His face was so young, waiting to be molded by the stress of university.
“Sure, here.” Said boy dug into his bag to pull out his laptop. Doyoung took it from him and attempted to turn it on. Nothing.
“Do you have the charger?” The boy was already holding it out for him before he could finish his question.
“Did you spill anything on it?”
“No!” That sounded rather defensive.
“You know I’ll be able to tell when I crack it open, right?”
“I… I didn’t spill anything on it.”
“Okay.”
So Doyoung got to work, doing what he was being paid to do: fix college student’s problems. Usually he would shoo off whoever’s stuff he was working on but, for some reason, he didn’t mind being under the scrutiny of this kid. Doyoung plugged in the charger and pushed buttons. He flipped the laptop over and took it apart.
“Has anyone ever told you that you look like a bunny?”
“Excuse me?” Doyoung stopped his unscrewing to look up.
“Your face, you look like a rabbit.”
“No. You can go sit down or give me your phone number and I can call you when I find out the problem.”
“I need my laptop for my next class so I’ll just wait.”
“Okay, I’ll let you know when I figure out the issue…” Doyoung trailed off, waiting for the boy to realize he hadn’t introduced himself.
“Oh, right. I’m Lee Haechan.”
“Kim Doyoung. You can sit over there Haechan.” Doyoung nodded and Haechan took the cue to leave.
Under the battery compartment, the little white strip had turned purple, indicating a spill.
The following day was a Friday, meaning Doyoung got off early. He usually spent his Friday’s at home with wine and Netflix, but something felt different today. As if the Earth was tilted just slightly too far off axis, not enough to notice but enough to make Doyoung question his own thoughts. Or maybe it was a full moon tonight.
He opened his phone and texted Jungwoo, one of his coworkers, asking if he wanted to go out. Jungwoo agreed, of course, always willing to take any opportunity that was given to him, especially if there was drinking involved. He could have easily asked him earlier when they were still on campus but Doyoung didn’t want to deal with his reaction in person.
“Hyungie.” Jungwoo spoke from his spot on Doyoung’s couch, phone in one hand, glass of wine in the other.
“Yes, Jungwoo?”
“Do you want to go to Code?”
“Code, as in the gay bar?”
“What other Code would I be talking about?”
Doyoung just shrug in response, downing the rest of his glass of wine. He would need to be a lot more drunk if they were going to Code.
“Is that a yes?”
“Sure.”
He’s not sure why he’s keeping this up. The brat never listens, only ever doing as he pleases. But there’s something about the way that Haechan smiles, the way he sidles up next to Doyoung whenever their friends are all together. He doesn’t think they’re boyfriends. Neither used the term, nor did they call their time together ‘dates.’ They simply hung around each other and, of course, fucked. Friends with benefits would probably be the right term. He’s learned to be okay with whatever Haechan would offer him. He thought he wanted a relationship but friends with benefits are good all the same, he hopes.
(Maybe he’s setting himself up for heartbreak but that’s a later Doyoung’s problem.)
Actually, Doyoung has found himself sitting around Jungwoo’s apartment surrounded by people more now than ever. He could tell you exactly where all the dishes go; how Yuta keeps his stuff above the fridge and Jaehyun steals his snacks thinking Yuta never notices. But Yuta does. Doyoung watched Yuta watch Jaehyun take a Kit Kat and shove it into his mouth. There was no anger or animosity from Yuta, only a strained fondness that Doyoung didn’t want to think about. Mark was sitting there on the couch next to Yuta, completely unphased by anything, ever.
“Hyung.” Haechan speaks up, stretching his legs out in front of him on the floor. They keep finding themselves in the same spot on the floor, always close but never close enough for Haechan.
“What?” Both Mark and Yuta look down from the couch, speaking in unison.
Haechan shook his head, turning to look at Doyoung. “Doyoung-hyung, can we go to the beach?”
Doyoung looked down at his phone, checking the time. “Now?” It was a Friday night, nearly midnight. He sure hopes he doesn’t mean now.
“Not now, but soon? I haven’t been since I was a kid.” Yuta and Mark had stopped paying attention once they realized he wasn’t talking to them.
Doyoung leaned closer, talking low enough so only the boy next to him could hear. “You’re in your third year of school in Busan and you haven’t been to the beach yet?” That was absurd. One of the first things Doyoung did when he started working at the university was go to the beach. He went every weekend, even when it was so cold that he had to wear pants and socks to walk across the sand. But maybe Doyoung was different, he did have a debt to settle after all.
“I haven’t had the time, plus I didn’t want to go alone.”
“You couldn’t ask Mark?”
Haechan shook his head, eyes flitting up to Mark.
“We can go when it gets warmer.”
They looked at each other, something unwavering in Haechan’s eyes as he thought about the offer. A second or a minute or an hour passes until Haechan finally nods in approval.
Code was an almost literal hole in the wall bar, for a variety of reasons. The main reason being privacy in a country of homophobia, but also because of its size. A small gay population willing to go out and be gay publicly meant small places for them to congregate, especially outside of Seoul. So a hole in the wall Code was. But it was loud and thriving, pride flags pinned to the wall and LED lights illuminating the bar in a wash of color. There was something resembling a dance floor where most people would end up by the end of the night, but the rest of the space was booths and a bartop with a bartender with short neon blue hair.
Jungwoo pulled him along, sliding into an empty booth. Somehow, Doyoung agreed to let his friend bring his real friend along. So Doyoung was soon sandwiched between Jungwoo and an objectively handsome man with nothing but smooth skin and dimples poked perfectly in his cheeks. He thinks his name is Jaehyun but the wine made him forget a minute after they introduced themselves. Beside Mr. Dimples sat something just as beautiful, albeit in a different manner. He was sharp and his stark hair was perfectly gelled back, resembling something akin to a mohawk. Doyoung’s pretty sure they’re an item but he can’t be too sure with how they’re both eyeing the crowd with a purposeful watch.
Jungwoo orders them soju and Doyoung goes on autopilot.
Doyoung learns that Jaehyun is indeed his actual name and that Yuta is new to their friend group, just moving here from Japan. Jaehyun is actually roommates with Jungwoo and they had a vacant room which Yuta filled up easily. Jungwoo says it’s fate, Jaehyun just laughs, and Yuta sits looking confused. Language barrier.
But apparently a language barrier doesn’t stop Yuta from approaching someone sitting at the bar, drinking what looks like something very sweet and fruity.
Six men lay on hot sand. Some in chairs, others on colorful beach towels. The beach is nearly empty, tourists gone for the season but still too early for the college students to be here yet; except for Mark and Haechan, who spent all summer in Busan.
Haechan peeled his cheek, sticky from sweat and sunscreen, from Doyoung’s bare chest, tilting his head to look at him. They shared a smile before Haechan spoke, “Do you want to swim?”
“We just got dry.” Doyoung laughed, causing Yuta to look over.
“I’ll swim with you, Haechan.” Yuta stood up from his beach chair, knocking over the concealed beer bottle nestled in the sand at his feet.
“Hyung!” Mark scoffed, immediately rolling over off of his towel and into dry sand to avoid the river of beer making its way towards his head.
“Well now you have to swim too, you’re covered in sand!” Yuta laughed, yanking Mark up from the ground.
Haechan looked between Doyoung, Yuta, and Mark. Doyoung could tell he was contemplating something, trying to come up with what to say but drawing blanks.
“I’ll come.” Doyoung whispered into his ear, only for Haechan to hear this time. Whatever he could do to soothe his boy’s soul.
Except the problem was that the look was still there. Haechan still looked lost in his head, even as Doyoung picked him up and kissed him when they were far enough from the shore where no one would pay any mind.
Haechan might have been there, in Doyoungs arms, but his mind was miles away. Doyoung wanted to reel him back in, keep him from drifting out of his arms and into the riptide. Another piece of him lost at sea. But Doyoung fears that it’s too late.
“Haechan isn’t my real name.”
“What?” Doyoung looked up from where he was answering emails from students about how their Wi-Fi in their dorm stopped working.
“My birth name is Donghyuck. But I tell everyone my name is Haechan.”
“Ok…?”
“Thank you for fixing my laptop.” And Haechan was off before Doyoung could say anything else.
It’d been a week since he last saw Haechan. Or was it Donghyuck now? Honestly it all would have just been a blip on his timeline if it wasn’t for the fact that Doyoung couldn’t stop staring at himself in the mirror while brushing his teeth. Did he really look like a rabbit?
Do I look like a rabbit?
Jungwoo
I would need you to put on ears to confirm or deny
Thanks
Doyoung put his phone down and rinsed his mouth. He was not putting on rabbit ears.
“Please!” Donghyuck begged, sprawled out on Doyoung’s bed in a perfectly tailored button up shirt and dress slacks.
Doyoung turned around from his closet, eyeing the headband in the other’s hands. A pair of white rabbit ears.
“People are going to think I’m going as a Playboy Bunny.” Doyoung gestured to his extremely tight black jeans and suit vest. He was bare under the vest, save for the flush over his entire chest from the embarrassment. He didn’t like to show skin, especially not in front of drunk college students who he’s never met. The way Haechan was looking at him was more than enough to make him hot under the collar, or lack thereof.
“What is a magician without his rabbit?” Donghyuck pouted. If Doyoung knew him well enough, the puppy dog eyes were next.
“I’m too old for college parties anyways.”
“It’s not even that big of a deal. It’s not like we’re going on an MT. It’s just Code’s Halloween party.”
“I barely like Code as it is.”
“Hyung…” As predicted, Donghyuck sat up straight, rabbit ears in his lap, and gave Doyoung his biggest puppy dog eyes yet. Doyoung thinks Donghyuck could cry on command if he really needed to. Doyoung would rather not find out.
“Only if you take them off of me tonight,” Doyoung settled, reaching out for the ears.
Donghyuck stood up and placed the ears delicately on Doyoung’s head. “Anything for my favorite hyung.”
Donghyuck slid his hands down and onto the back of Doyoung’s neck before pulling him down in a kiss.
Doyoung finds himself at Jungwoo’s apartment on a Saturday night. He hasn’t stopped thinking about the boy; he’s finally decided to stick with calling him Haechan. He had gone plenty of time without ever seeing this kid, not even when he stepped into the cafeteria closest to the building he worked in. Now, as if by some force of nature, Doyoung couldn’t stop spotting him. He would look up from his desk, out the window, and see a flash of honey hair and pouty lips walking past. He would be leaving the 7-Eleven as Haechan walked past with a group of friends. Doyoung had only seen him twice face to face, but he always knew that it was Haechan. Something deep in his gut knew it was him, even without needing to see his face.
It wasn’t typical for Doyoung to drink with Jungwoo and his roommates like this. Doyoung really preferred being alone, enjoying his free time with a good bottle of wine and the newest drama on Netflix, but he needed a distraction and a sappy romance wasn’t doing enough for him. So now he sits on a couch, Jungwoo on his left and Jaehyun on his right.
“Where’s Yuta?”
It was all Jungwoo would talk about lately. Yuta this, Yuta that. Doyoung thinks that they might have a thing, except for the fact that Yuta looked like he wanted to eat Jaehyun alive not that long ago. Maybe it’s just a Yuta thing.
“He’s in his room, cleaning,” Jungwoo answered while Jaehyun just laughed.
“Mark and his friends are coming over,” Jaehyun finally spoke, clearing his throat.
“Mark?”
“Yuta has been fraternizing with the students. Actually, you were there. The kid at the bar - he took Yuta home.”
“Like, to his dorm?”
“Yeah.” Jaehyun laughed again, deep and throaty.
Yuta emerged from his room then, hair disheveled and with only one sock on.
“They’re almost here.”
“What are you supposed to be? A Playboy Bunny? You’re wearing far too much clothing for that.” Yuta shoved Doyoung playfully, careful to not spill his beer.
Doyoung just shot daggers at Donghyuck, who was now blissfully unaware of the conversation Doyoung and Yuta were having.
“I’m a rabbit and Haechan is the magician.” Doyoung grabbed onto Donghyuck’s suspenders, pulling them back before letting go, resulting in a resounding pop and earning a squeak from the boy.
Yuta gave a noise of acknowledgement while chugging down the rest of his drink.
“Where’s Mark?”
“Bathroom. Something about his makeup. Shots?” Yuta looked around at their group of friends standing awkwardly at the bar. Then, a little louder, “shots, anyone? Soju?”
Mark had finally rejoined the group, his face perfectly covered in skull face paint. Donghyuck was the first to acknowledge his presence. “Woah, hyung. That looks so awesome!”
Mark grinned, looking at Yuta with complete adoration, visible even under all the black and white paint. “Thanks. Yuta did it.”
“Why are you here?” Doyoung was standing in the entryway of his apartment, door wide open looking down the few inches at Donghyuck.
“What do you mean ‘Why am I here?’”
“I don’t remember inviting you. Also, last I checked you didn’t want anything to do with me.”
“Hyung.”
“Don’t.”
“I’m sorry.” Doyoung knew he meant it, could see it in the bags under his eyes. It had been days since they last saw each other, a fight bubbling up that seemed irreparable. Some things couldn’t be undone.
“Go back home, Donghyuck. You made it very clear you don’t belong here.” Here was a loaded word. Here, in Doyoung’s apartment. Here, in Doyoung’s life, in his heart, in his arms. Here, in Busan.
Maybe he was a little harsh.
“Let me explain! Nothing happened!” The younger’s eyes were wet, threatening to spill tears. Doyoung hasn’t seen Donghyuck cry in the year that they’ve known each other. Not when he burnt the bottoms of his feet on blistering sand; not when they watched the movie where the dog dies and Doyoung was inconsolable; not even when Doyoung kicked him out of his home. Donghyuck was strong, stronger than Doyoung would ever be.
“I think Mark would disagree.”
Donghyuck stepped back, retreating like he had been shocked. And maybe he had been shocked. Doyoung was never spiteful but the venom in Doyoung’s voice was probably more than enough of a surprise to make Donghyuck recoil like this. Doyoung would say he didn’t mean it but deep down he knows he did. Doyoung was hurt and he didn’t quite care right now how Donghyuck would react. Donghyuck knows as much too.
Doyoung slammed the door on Donghyuck’s face before he started crying or did something stupid like let the beautiful boy back into his apartment, back into his heart.
Doyoung was not nearly drunk enough for what, or rather who, walked through the front door of Jungwoo’s apartment.
The first thing he noticed was how loud the group of friends was. He heard them before he saw them. Laughing and clapping as the door clicked shut behind them. The sounds of multiple pairs of shoes being placed on the floor, bare feet padding into the living room.
The next thing he noticed was a familiar face.
“Shit.” Doyoung whispered when he made eye contact with the boy with the fried laptop.
Haechan blinked, eyes looking lost as they just wavered between Doyoung and the room around him. As if he was trying to make sense of Doyoung being here, in front of him.
“Yuta-hyung?” A slim boy with black hair stepped around Haechan, bumping shoulders intentionally. This directed Haechan’s attention away, finally letting Doyoung breathe. He hadn’t even realized he was holding his breath until then. Yuta appeared from another room, all smiles and still just the slightest bit frazzled. Doyoung looks down and takes note that Yuta is now wearing two socks.
Yuta was quick to pull the newcomer into his arms, squeezing as if he would run away or disappear. Doyoung could hear him whisper ‘Mark-ah’ into the crown of curls. Doyoung noticed that a few more people had now huddled around the living room, distracting Haechan well enough where Doyoung could finally look at him without feeling like the rug would be pulled from under him.
Maybe it was Doyoung’s subconscious trying to say something to him when Doyoung had started noticing him around campus more often. Because now, with the honey gold hair and perfectly pink lips, Doyoung thinks he might actually have a problem on his hands. He might never be able to leave his office again without hoping to see Haechan around any corner.
“This is Haechan, Jeno, and Jaemin.” Mark finally pulled away from Yuta’s hold, pointing respectively as he introduced his friends. Yuta bowed, introducing himself as well.
“That’s Jungwoo, Jaehyun, and Doyoung.” Yuta followed suit, introducing the group sitting on the couch that Doyoung had forgotten were even there until Yuta said something.
Doyoung met Haechan’s eyes, was greeted with a smile. This was going to be a long night.
“What’s the deal with you and Mark?” Doyoung had to shout over the yelling and loud music in the bar. It was much louder than a typical night at Code, drunk college students in costumes seemingly much more confident in being seen in a gay bar than usual. Doyoung really wanted to go home and take Donghyuck out of that stupid cape and suspenders.
“What do you mean?” Yuta leaned in close, trying not to strain his voice.
“Are you dating?” Yuta and Mark were always together, always affectionate with one another. But Doyoung noticed that they never called each other boyfriend or partner. It was always just ‘Mark’ and ‘Yuta’ when referencing the other.
“I could ask the same about you and Haechan.”
Doyoung choked on his drink. What?
“What?” Doyoung managed to cough out.
“Seriously? You have never once mentioned being in a relationship with him. Even right now you’re talking to me instead of being out there with him.” And really it was so hard to make out what the other was saying. It was so loud and Yuta was being ridiculous.
“I- me and Haechan are perfectly fine.”
“Right.” Yuta took a sip of his drink, adjusting the ears on Doyoung’s head as he put his cup down. “You might want to figure that out instead of worrying about me and Mark.”
Doyoung looked out to the dance floor and watched as Donghyuck and Mark danced close against each other, laughing and whispering into each other’s ears. Doyoung didn’t dance, he especially didn’t dance when he looked like something out of a porno. Donghyuck said it was fine and Mark offered to go instead so Doyoung didn’t worry, but now Yuta’s words were boring into his brain, planting seeds deep into the soft folds of his gray matter.
“We have soju, Cass, and I think some vodka Jaehyun brought from his trip to America.” Yuta was holding Mark’s hand, walking him to the kitchen that was open to the living room.
“You went to America?” Doyoung turned to look at Jaehyun who just nodded in response.
“He went during summer break,” Jungwoo answered for him.
“Where in America did you go?”
“Chicago. We had a conference for work.” Jaehyun waved his hands in the air, clearly not interested in talking about it further.
Mark must have been listening because then Doyoung heard him say, “my ex is from there!” As if that was something to be proud of and announcing in front of someone who is clearly into you.
Doyoung rolled his eyes and he watched Haechan hold back a laugh.
Soon everyone had congregated to the living room, occupying whatever seat space was left and overflowing onto the floor. Doyoung noticed Haechan sit on the floor directly across from him, eyes carefully avoiding him as he chose his spot.
Yuta placed an array of bottles on the coffee table, keeping a bottle of soju in his hand to open and fill empty shot glasses. Doyoung watched as Haechan took the bottle cap and straightened out the loose piece of metal that had sealed the bottle close. Then he passed it to Mark on the floor next to him and said “flick.”
“Huh?” Mark took the cap from his hands.
“Do you not have drinking games in Canada? Flick the tail. Whoever flicks it off has to drink.” Donghyuck lipped, blatantly rolling his eyes.
Mark made no acknowledgement of Haechan’s rudeness, doing as he was told and carefully flicking the end of the bottle cap. Mark stared at his hand and then looked to Haechan who was smiling proudly, no sign of his previous annoyance on his face.
Yuta grabbed the cap from him and took his turn. It was passed along until it came to Doyoung. Somehow it made it through all of them but Doyoung and Jaehyun. Spinning the cap around in his fingers, Doyoung hummed.
Drinking games were never his thing.
So Doyoung flicked the metal clear off, landing in Haechan’s lap.
“Now Doyoung-hyung has to drink,” Haechan said, the strip of metal being held up in front of Mark’s face.
Hyung.
The kid has some nerve. They’ve spoken twice, three times if you count this moment, and now he’s calling him hyung and waiting for him to drink the shot he just places in front of him. He’s watching him expectantly, metal gripped in the palm of his hand. Doyoung feels scrutinized, like he’s being set up.
Jungwoo nudges his knee against Doyoung, bringing him back to reality. So Doyoung drinks and makes it a point to not pull a face.
“Hyung! Hyung, please. Hyung, hyung.”
“If you call me hyung one more time, I’ll gag you.”
“Hyung, just fuck me already.”
Haechan sat in a chair outside a cafe. He was leaning back with his eyes closed, a picture of radiance. His shorts had ridden up, exposing his thighs to the Busan sun. It was barely spring but after such a cold winter, any sun is better than no sun. Doyoung didn’t blame him for soaking up what he could.
Doyoung watched for a second later before finally approaching him, making his presence known with loud footsteps before speaking up.
“Hi.”
They’d seen each other naked, watched each other in their most vulnerable states but Doyoung still wasn’t sure where they stood exactly.
How are you supposed to act around someone who’s perfect lips were intimately familiar with your dick? Doyoung wouldn’t have an answer for you.
“Hi.” Haechan didn’t bother opening his eyes right away, stretching his arms up and above his head.
“Shall we go then?” Doyoung didn’t move, just watched Haechan sit there, content in not acknowledging Doyoung’s existence.
Haechan hummed.
What was the point of Haechan asking him out if he wasn’t going to even act like he was interested? Maybe he should leave. Maybe this was a long ploy for another night of sex. Which...
Sex is good.
Sex with Haechan could even be considered great.
But Doyoung had come under the assumption that this was a date. A date that would lead to more than just sex. Doyoung, while a sexually positive person, was not the type to sleep around. He liked comfort and familiarity and building this with someone that was more than just a sex partner. He wanted a connection, which sounds fucking disgusting and cliche. Maybe Doyoung has been watching too many dramas. That doesn’t change the way he feels though.
Doyoung wants more and if Haechan is wasting his time, he should just leave.
“Are you in a rush?” Haechan finally speaks, opening his eyes and turning his head towards Doyoung.
The sun was beaming with no clouds in sight and Doyoung forgot to put sunscreen on this morning. So, yeah, he was maybe in a rush.
“Aren’t you hot?” Doyoung deflected.
“Not yet.” Haechan stood up, shaking his legs so his shorts would fall back down to their normal length, right above his knees.
“Where are we going anyways?”
“How do you feel about bowling?”
“I haven’t gone since I was a kid.”
“Perfect! All the easier to beat you!” Haechan giggled, bumping his elbow against Doyoung’s side. Doyoung knew Haechan was competitive, if the night at Jungwoo’s apartment was to give him any sort of idea. But Haechan has yet to learn that Doyoung didn’t like to lose. Especially not to someone who gets down on their knees and begs as prettily as him.
Soju is dangerous. Because now Doyoung and Haechan are sitting on the floor, legs crossed and thighs pushed against each other. They’re not saying anything, at least he doesn’t think. He probably couldn’t talk even if he tried, he’s forgotten how to operate his mouth. Alcohol is warm in his limbs, loose and gangly. Doyoung wants to say something, wants to look at him, but they’re both so focused on Mark and Jaehyun on the couch speaking English to each other. Doyoung was never good at his English classes, doing the bare minimum to pass.
“Do you know what they’re saying?” Haechan whispers. It feels like he’s in his head, like Haechan is using his body to whisper right into his brain. Doyoung slowly turns his head to look next to him, careful to keep the room from spinning. Haechan was most definitely not inside his head, he was sitting there with his pretty eyebrows knitting together. Doyoung tried to say something but he still can’t remember how to make words form. So he grunted, hoping to get his answer across.
“I failed English in school, I never paid attention.” Haechan laughed, turning to meet Doyoung’s eyes. God he was so beautiful. “Are you okay?”
Words, use your words.
“I’m fine, you’re just-” Doyoung wasn’t sure where he was going with this.
“You’re drunk, aren’t you hyung?”
“Why are you calling me hyung? We aren’t friends.”
Haechan smirks, leaning in closer.
“Hyung, aren’t we friends?” Haechan slid his hand onto Doyoung’s knee, warm and heavy.
Words were failing him again. Doyoung tried to lift his knee to shake his hand off, another eloquent grunt to express his contempt. Haechan must have taken that as permission to lean in further, slide his hand onto his thigh.
“You look cute when you’re blushing, bunny.” Doyoung’s brain was about two seconds behind, because it took him far too long to realize what Haechan had just said. Bunny. Doyoung can’t decide if that was worse than hyung. At least Haechan calling him hyung didn’t send chills down his spine.
Doyoung must have made another noise because Haechan gripped his thigh roughly, sucking in a breath.
“I’m cutting you off, hyung. I want to take my new bunny home with me.” Haechan reached for the drinks in front of them, downing both his and Doyoung’s easily.
On June 13th, 1991, a Boeing 727 with Korean Air was set to land in Daegu with 120 passengers on board. It was a simple 205 mile flight from Jeju. However, that Boeing 727 was never flown again, damaged beyond repair. All because the pilot didn’t do something they were supposed to.
The pilot is trained and required to read out a checklist of sorts when landing. This pilot ignored protocol and didn’t let down his landing gear, because he didn’t go through the list with the air control tower. A simple miscommunication error and the pilot ignoring literal warning signals caused millions of dollars worth of damage. A process existed to stop incidents like this from happening, to keep people safe and to keep things working in an orderly fashion. But the pilot ignored it and the co-pilot just followed orders.
Not that any of this matters. Doyoung isn’t a pilot and Donghyuck isn’t a Boeing 727. Or was he supposed to be the passengers in this situation.
Doyoung was just stupid, ignoring the signs in front of him. Maybe the metaphor wasn’t lost here.
Donghyuck didn’t come home with him on Halloween.
In fact, he doesn’t know where exactly Donghyuck went that night. He had a guess though. He saw muddled gray on his neck before he disappeared.
Doyoung checked bathroom stalls and dark corners for him. He checked his phone and asked Jaehyun who seemed to be the only man left standing that would even understand what he was asking. Jungwoo was drunk and pestering an even drunker Jeno and Jaemin. Yuta was gone, Mark was gone, Donghyuck was gone.
Donghyuck was gone.
He had an idea.
But, like that pilot, he had his co-pilot pull the fuse that sounded the warning alarms. The loud ringing in his mind went quiet. What he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. So he went home, throwing the rabbit ears into the trash on the way out.
“You’re not from Busan?”
“No, actually I was born and raised outside of Seoul. Suwon-si.”
“I grew up in Seoul! I’ve been there before!”
“Why didn’t you go to Seoul National University then?”
Haechan went quiet, nibbling on the fry he had picked up. They had stopped bowling in favor of food, Doyoung not wanting to ruin their perfect tie.
“Why don’t you work at Seouldae?”
“It’s complicated.”
Haechan looked up and peeked through his eyelashes at Doyoung before returning back to the fry in hand. Doyoung didn’t take Haechan as the shy type.
“What are you studying?” Doyoung offered, letting Haechan have an out. He clearly didn’t want to talk more on this.
“Engineering.”
“Why would an engineering student spill beer on his new laptop?”
Haechan flushed red, visible despite his attempt to hide his face with eating.
“I didn’t spill it.”
Doyoung hummed, letting the flush creep further down the other’s neck. Doyoung wasn’t going to let him have all the fun teasing.
“I didn’t! It was Mark-hyung, he’s so clumsy!”
“Are you even old enough to be drinking?”
“I just turned 22. I’m not a child, hyung.”
“Again with calling me hyung. Shouldn’t you be respecting your seniors?”
“That’s not what you said last week.” There he is. The somehow familiar teasing was back, rolling off Haechan’s tongue as if mockery was a language only he was fluent in. Shy, embarrassed Haechan is cute but Doyoung likes this more. Doyoung likes to feel important enough where Haechan will take a careful look and find a tiny crack and chisel his way until Doyoung feels it. It’s a satisfying ache, like pushing an old bruise just because.
It’s kind of pathetic really.
“I’ll make sure to teach you a lesson next time, then.”
It could be blamed on alcohol. Any normal person would blame this decision on the amount of shots Haechan made him take before. Feeding him drinks as if he didn’t notice. Doyoung didn’t care, he felt warm and comfortable and throwing back drinks was a good distraction from the person giving him said drinks.
But Haechan was also the one to cut him off. Doyoung could have said no, could have rejected the obvious advances he was making. Hands on thighs, words whispered in ears. He should have stopped at ‘bunny.’ He shouldn’t be holding hands with Haechan, face hot from something .
He couldn’t pretend this was something it wasn’t.
Doyoung was self-deprecating. He sunk low enough to let a college student take him back to his fucking dorm.
“Mark said he’s staying with Yuta. I have you all to myself,” Haechan whispered in Doyoung’s ear as they rode the elevator up to his dorm. Doyoung should not be this hot and bothered, but Haechan’s breath was warm against his face and Doyoung can’t stop thinking about those lips.
Doyoung isn’t drunk by the time the door to Haechan’s room shuts behind them. He’s buzzed at best, tingly enough where he can blame everything he’s about to say on that.
“You are a brat.” Doyoung pushes close against Haechan, giving him no option but to walk back further into the room. Doyoung doesn’t let up, pushing him until he has no choice but to back up into the bed. It doesn’t matter who’s bed it is. There’s a heat crawling under his skin, taking over the tingling, and he doesn’t know how to stop it. So he tries to force it out of him and onto the boy shaking against him.
Doyoung peels Haecan’s shirt off, watching Haechan’s breathing become more erratic.
It’s better like this. He likes having the upper hand, sober and clear from Haechan’s incessant teasing. Once Haechan realized how affected the older was getting from his words, he just progressively got worse. Any moment when he realized no one was paying them any attention, Haechan was quick to talk about bringing him to bed or pulling on a strand of hair. Always close but never obvious, not to anyone at Jungwoo’s apartment. They were all too drunk to notice anyways. Last he remembered, Haechan’s friends Jeno and Jaemin were passed out on the couch, feet in each other’s faces.
Pants were next, falling to his ankles. Doyoung leaned in to press wet kisses to the other’s neck while he worked. Haechan hummed, tilting his head to ask for more. He was hard against Doyoung’s thighs but he didn’t act out on it. He could easily rut up to get friction but he was so good, so polite.
“So well behaved,” Doyoung mumbled against spit-slick skin.
This must have flipped a switch for Haechan because he pushed Doyoung away. He stepped out of his pants trapped around his ankles. His expression was unreadable as he looked Doyoung up and down.
A second passed before Haechan pulled off his underwear and crawled into bed. He sat on his knees and patted the empty bed in front of him. Doyoung complied, following suit, sitting on his knees right in front of him. It might have felt weird if this was any other night, Doyoung fully clothed while his counterpart was fully nude. But the tone was set early for tonight. Anything goes when a near stranger gets you hot and bothered by calling you ‘bunny.’
Haechan leaned forward, pressing his forehead against Doyoung’s to look directly into his eyes. It was close and seemed a little too intimate despite the fact that one of them was naked and hard.
“You’re not drunk, right?” Haechan asked, blinking slowly like a cat.
“No.” Doyoung would have said something more snarky but he was distracted by the way Haechan was biting his bottom lip.
“Okay.” Haechan closed the space between them to kiss him. It didn’t occur to him until just now that they hadn’t even kissed. He couldn’t stop thinking about that mouth against his dick that he didn’t take a moment to imagine what they would feel like against his own. The kiss only makes him want it in other places even more. But it seems like things aren’t going to work out the way he wants them to.
The moment he crawled into bed, he was giving Haechan the upper hand. Doyoung was now just a pawn.
Haechan leaned back, sweeping his legs in front of him until he was sitting on his butt, legs trapping Doyong in. Doyoung was given the opportunity to fully take in Haechan’s nude body splayed out in front of him. He traced down the lines of his body, landing on the cock in front of him. It feels weird to be just openly staring, but all pretenses were thrown out the window long ago. So Doyoung let himself stare, watched as it twitched under the scrutiny.
“Blow me,” Haechan said, voice raspy.
Doyoung didn’t move his gaze, instead did exactly as he was told. It was wet and sloppy and Doyoung licked and sucked, never taking him all the way in. Teasing, delaying.
The build up was half the fun. Doyoung liked the sounds he was coaxing out of Haechan with just his mouth. Grunts morphing into moans as Doyoung sucked harder and further down. It wasn’t long until fingers were being threaded through Doyoung’s hair, tightening the longer Doyoung continued. It didn’t matter that he was fully clothed, his erection squeezed painfully tight in his pants in this position. Doyoung was on a mission. Make Haechan come. He wanted to see the other go soft, malleable. He wanted to push the sweet little brat around some more, but he needed to get this done to get to that point.
“Fuck. Hyung. Don’t stop, bunny.” Even in his sex drunk haze, Haechan still found a way to annoy Doyoung. He didn’t think it was intentional this time though, if the way he was holding on to Doyoung was anything to go off. It seems like he was one second away from melting into the bed, like Doyoung was the only lifeline he had to keep him here. Doyoung savored the feeling.
Doyoung reached down to press his finger against Haechan’s rim, causing a full body shudder. The length in his mouth twitched once, twice, and began to fill his mouth with cum. Doyoung hates the taste. He thinks anyone who says they like cum is telling a bold-faced lie.
He goes to look for something to spit the bitter puddle on his tongue into but instead sees Haehan’s eyes, glazed over staring directly at his mouth.
Soft, malleable.
Doyoung leans forward, watches as Haechan’s eyes never leave his lips. So he takes his thumb and pulls down on Haechan’s bottom lip. Haechan immediately catches on, leaning his head back to open his mouth and stick out his tongue. Doyoung spits the cum into his mouth, cringing at the taste but thankful it’s gone. It was disgusting, truly. Doyoung would have never thought this was something he would be doing in bed. But he also never thought he would be having sex with a college boy in his dorm well past his graduation.
Haechan swallowed visibly, either for show or because he was that far gone. It didn’t matter, it only proved that Doyoung had accomplished exactly what he wanted. So he stood up, removed both his pants and boxers, and sat back on the bed, feet planted on the floor. He stroked himself while he waited for Haechan to take notice, which wasn’t long. Haechan blinked carefully before rolling off the bed and onto his knees between Doyoung’s legs. The floor was laminate tile and was probably cold and hard against Haechan’s knees but he didn’t make any sign of discomfort.
Haechan peeked up at Doyoung who was watching expectantly. Haechan leaned forward, mouth open but Doyoung stopped him, finger pushing him back against his forehead. Doyoung tsk-ed, putting on a careful mask of disappointment.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Doyoung asked, careful to keep his tone light but not give away his plan.
“Returning the favor?” Haechan asked, light and airy.
“You have to ask your bunny first.” Doyoung smiled, teeth on display. Doyoung might not have been thrilled about the nickname but the reaction he gets out of Haechan as he says this makes it worth it.
“Please? Can I suck your dick, bunny?” Haechan asks, nuzzling his cheek into Doyoung’s thigh. It was filthy and Doyoung started second guessing himself, until he looked down and saw that Haechan was clawing into his own thighs. Maybe the bunny nickname isn’t so bad.
“I love you,” Donghyuck creaked, fists tight at Doyoung’s hips.
“I love you, too,” Doyoung muffled into the top of Haechan’s head, careful to keep the tears on his eyes from leaking onto the other’s scalp.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s ok, baby. We’re ok.”
Doyoung did find Donghyuck that night.
Stepping into his bedroom to finally peel the vest off his sweaty skin, he found Donghyuck face down on his bed in clothes that were not the ones he went to Code in. The suspenders were nowhere in sight.
What?
Why would Donghyuck leave to come home without saying anything. And why was he shirtless? Donghyuck never slept without one on, even when he was too tired after sex to put something on. Doyoung would alway slide one on over his head, because Donghyuck was his baby and he would be treated as such.
This didn’t feel right.
“Yah.” Donghyuck didn’t make a move. In fact, Doyoung wasn’t even sure he was breathing. It was hard to tell in the dim light.
“Donghyuck-ah.” Doyoung walked closer to the bed. Still no response.
Finally he reached out and shook his shoulders, eliciting a groan in response. Well that’s good. Not dead at least. That still didn’t help relieve the uneasiness sitting high in Doyoung’s stomach, threatening to make its way out. (Or maybe it was the alcohol. Regardless…)
“Baby, are you okay?”
Another groan.
Doyoung didn’t want to sleep with this feeling moving it’s way to his chest. He didn’t think he would be able to keep his eyes closed if the tightness around his heart had anything to say about it. But Doyoung knows a lost cause when he sees one.
So he goes about his nightly routine and returns to find Donghyuck flipped onto his back and on his side of the bed.
They’re cramped, Doyoung carefully wrapping his arms around Haechan. Twin size beds were never meant for two fully grown men but it didn’t stop him from pulling Haechan’s naked body tighter against his own.
“What are you doing next Saturday?”
It was still Saturday night last he had checked his phone, but based on how quiet outside Haechan’s dorm window was, it was probably now Sunday. Doyoung likes to keep his weekend lowkey, well until Haechan strolled into his life and wreaked havoc on his thoughts driving him to distractions outside of his usual hobbies.
“Nothing, why?”
“Do you want to hang out?”
“Where did you go last night?”
Donghyuck didn’t answer, only rubbed the remaining gray face paint off of his neck.
“I was worried about you.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you,” Donghyuck finally answers, eyes never leaving the patch of skin that he kept rubbing at despite being clean.
“You were with Mark, weren’t you?”
“Yes.”
“I think you should leave.”
Donghyuck threw the towel down and fled the bathroom. He didn’t even bother grabbing his things from Doyoung’s bedroom, just slid his shoes on and slammed the door behind him.
Everything was a mess. Doyoung cried for a week straight, calling sick out of work. Jungwoo checked up on him once, bringing soup and beer. No one knew what happened, at least he didn’t tell anyone as much. He just told Jungwoo he wasn’t feeling well and couldn't come into work. But it would be stupid for him to think that Donghyuck didn’t tell Mark what happened, which means that Yuta probably knows. So Jungwoo most likely knows as well.
“Are we going to talk about it now?” Jungwoo grabbed Doyoung’s ankles, pulling his feet into his lap and rubbed at the balls of his feet. Before all this, Doyoung never thought of Jungwoo as a real friend, more of a friend by circumstances. But things changed and he found himself around him more, seeking out his company more. Doyoung realized he didn’t actually like being alone.
Donghyuck changed him.
“Do you remember Halloween night?”
“I got drunk pretty quick, so remind me.”
“We all went to Code in costumes. We got drunk. I lost Haechan. No one had seen him and I couldn’t find him. I thought he left without me.”
“What’s your point?”
“My point is the last time I saw him, he was with Mark and covered in his face paint. And when I came home, he was in someone else’s clothes in my bed.”
Jungwoo stopped his ministrations on Doyoung’s foot to stare at Doyoung. “He did what?”
“I don’t know! I asked him in the morning if he was with Mark and he just said yes. He looked so guilty Jungwoo!”
“What did you do?”
“I kicked him out, what else would I do?”
“I don’t know, talk to him? You don’t even know what happened.”
“It doesn’t matter anyways, he doesn’t owe me an explanation. We never said we were exclusive, he can do what he wants.”
“Hyung, are you stupid?”
“What?”
“Holy shit you are. Talk to Yuta or something, I don’t have the patience.” Jungwoo stood up at that, patting Doyoung’s legs.
“What are you talking about?”
“I’ll tell Yuta to come by later. Eat the soup and pull yourself together.”
It wasn’t long until Yuta was showing up at his door. Doyoung had finished the beer Jungwoo had brought and that was a terrible idea. He couldn’t tell up from down as he made his way to let Yuta in. Anything was better than the gutted feeling he had though. Drunk at least kept the heartbreak at bay, as temporary as it was.
“You stink.”
“I’m drunk.”
“I can tell. Sit down.” Yuta pushed Doyoung towards the couch and it dawned upon him that Yuta had never come over. They had always gone to the shared apartment because it was bigger and less of them would need to travel. Yuta didn’t waver as he made his way to sit next to Doyoung. It annoyed Doyoung to no end that Yuta was just sitting there, watching Doyoung do nothing, as if Mark wasn’t also involved in all of this. How could Yuta be so calm when his… What? His boyfriend? His partner? His Mark was the other half of this painful equation. More importantly, why isn’t he saying anything.
“Why aren’t you mad?” Doyoung managed. He couldn’t tolerate the silence anymore.
“Why would I be mad?” Yuta wore a neutral expression and Doyoung never noticed how attractive Yuta was. He never paid much mind to Yuta because when Yuta entered his life, so did Donghyuck. (Donghyuck who occupied his almost every thought, and more than half of his bed.) And Mark for that matter. Fucking Mark.
“Didn’t Jungwoo tell you what happened?”
“Yes.”
Doyoung sighed, twisting his body to face Yuta fully. “Haechan went home with Mark.”
“Yeah, I know. Mark told me he was taking him home because Haechan was drunk. They got a taxi and left.”
That didn’t make sense. Why would Donghyuck go home with him and not Doyoung? They left together and agreed to go home together. Did Doyoung not matter enough? Did Donghyuck not trust him enough to take him home safely?
But then why did Haechan come back to Doyoung’s apartment at all? Why was he covered in Mark’s face paint? And why did he change clothes?
Doyoung was much too drunk to process any of this.
“Hyung, he was in my bed in Mark’s clothes .”
“What are you implying?”
“He was covered in paint! Paint you put on Mark! How else would he have gotten paint on his neck?” Doyoung had to fight the urge to stand up and yell. His head was already spinning, if he stood up he’d probably black out.
“I think that’s something you need to take up with Haechan. Mark wouldn’t do anything with someone else without asking me, especially not Haechan.”
“How do you know that?! You’re not even boyfriends! They live together, they could be doing anything behind our backs and we wouldn’t know.”
That seemed to have pissed off Yuta because now he was standing up, hovering.
“Don’t you ever talk about Mark like that. I trust Mark more than anything so don’t take out your insecurities on him. You get your shit together and talk to Haechan about this. He’s not your plaything so don’t treat him like one.” Yuta stepped away, scoffing at Doyoung.
Yuta slid his shoes on and opened the door. “Go shower and leave Mark out of this.”
“Haechan, fuck,” Doyoung forced out through clenched teeth. It was another weekend, meaning another day of Haechan showing up outside his apartment with snacks and his laptop. There was always an excuse along with it, of course.
‘Hyung, I need to finish this essay and Mark won’t leave me alone.’
‘You’re apartment is so quiet, Doyoung-hyung. It’s so much easier studying here.’
‘Can’t I spend time with my bunny while doing work?’
Always excuses but always ending the same: Doyoung balls deep as Haechan talks filth. Except today seemed different. Haechan was quiet, pulling at the sheets around him as he took everything Doyoung gave him.
Doyoung leaned in, biting lightly at Haechan’s jaw and neck. It was rough against his lips, the other not having shaved since the day before. This close, Doyoung could see the bags under his eyes.
Leaning back, Doyoung asked, “what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“You can tell me, you know. I’ll listen.” There was an urge to lean down, to grab the scruffy jaw beneath him and force an answer out. He didn’t like being kept in the dark. He kept his hands to himself though, trying to soften his features to help ease the answer out.
“Do you know why I tell people my name is Haechan?”
Doyoung remembers the second time he ever talked to Haechan. He said his real name was Donghyuck but Doyoung never called him that. He figured if that’s what he wanted to be called, he would have said as much. He never thought much about it again after that. Was he supposed to be calling him Donghyuck? Is that why he was upset?
“No.”
“I never liked the name Donghyuck.” Doyoung watched a story of emotions take over the boy’s face. He’s now acutely aware of his softening dick inside of him. He goes to pull out but is stopped by Haechan’s arms on his shoulders, pulling him down against his chest. “Can we stay like this?”
So Doyoung gave in, adjusted himself so he could keep as much of his weight off of him. He cringes at the feeling of trying to slide a nearly flaccid dick inside something so tight.
“So when I started school, I just told people my name is Haechan. Like the sun, because the beach. Clever, right?”
Doyoung hummed, not wanting to interrupt the moment. They laid in quiet for a few minutes. Doyoung had to look up to make sure Haechan hadn’t fallen asleep.
“I think I wouldn’t mind if you called me Donghyuck.”
There was something else, none of this explained the hollow eyes and disinterest. But Doyoung didn’t pry, it wasn’t his place. It wasn’t like they were boyfriends.
Doyoung had no intention to talk to Mark. Really, he didn’t. But the day after Jungwoo and Yuta showed up, so did Mark with fury in his eyes. He must have talked to Yuta.
“Did you ever ask him about his family?”
“I did but-“
“Or why he doesn’t go home for breaks? Or about his name? You’re not the only one who knows his name is Donghyuck. I’ve known him much longer than you so don’t try shit with me.” Doyoung has never seen Mark this heated before. They’ve always been on good terms, especially with how often they’re all together. Mark always seemed so placid and amiable, even more so when Yuta was around. But he’s never been alone with Mark, like he is now, so what does he know?
“I’m not trying anything! I just want to know what the hell is going on!”
“His parents found out he was gay and kicked him out of the house. They called his truly hateful names, hyung. I didn’t know him then but I can only imagine what it was like. He isn’t even allowed to see his little sister anymore...
“He had already been accepted to school here, so he just left Seoul and didn’t go back. Foreigners get placed together usually but for some reason they put me with him. I had to listen to him try and keep quiet as he cried every night. They broke him and he put himself back together, here in Busan. I felt so fucking useless.”
Doyoung flinched with each step Mark took towards him. There was nowhere for him to go, not that he was looking for an escape. It was his own apartment anyways, so there was no use escaping his own home. Mark continued despite Doyoung’s obvious discomfort. None of this really explained why Mark decided to show up.
“Understand this. I’ve been there for him when he’s been on the literal edge. I’ve been there more times than I can even count. What we have is something that may never change. I love him, but I’ll never be you.”
“What?”
“We didn’t fucking sleep together you idiot. He came to me crying because he didn’t think you loved him like he loves you. He kissed me because he knows I love him but he just started crying more when he did. I’m not you, I’ll never be you.”
“I-“ Doyoung was at a loss for words. Love? Love was never something that crossed his mind when he thought of what he had with Donghyuck. But what did Doyoung know about love? He’s been empty and broken his whole life, thinking that living in a beach city was going to fix that. How stupid. Years in Busan never filled that void like he thought it would. The only thing that ever came close was Donghyuck showing up at his doorstep unannounced because he was tired and wanted to sleep in bed with Doyoung. Just sleep. They had never just slept when they were together. Except for this time, with bags under Donghyuck eyes and a hunch in his shoulders.
Doyoung knew he would do anything for Donghyuck in that moment but that wasn’t love. That was kindness and caring, he would do that for Jungwoo too wouldn’t he?
Except, no, he wouldn’t.
“I didn’t think things were like that between us.”
“And that’s why he came to me. Do you understand now?”
Doyoung wanted to be that person for Donghyuck. Doyoung wanted more than beach trips and karaoke nights. He wanted to protect Donghyuck from his soulless eyes and fitful sleeps. He wanted to wake up to the beautiful Busan sun in bed with him every day. He wanted Donghyuck more than he’s wanted anything in his life but he’s been too fucking oblivious to realize his silence was doing all the communicating for him.
“I have to go.”
“If you don’t fix this, I will burn your apartment down.”
“Please don’t do that, just tell me where he is.”
It was somehow the end of spring semester. The weather was getting warmer and Doyoung found himself back at the beach more often now, Donghyuck in tow. The beach was different now, or maybe it was Doyoung who was different.
“Donghyuckie, what do you think you’re doing?” Donghyuck walked closer and closer to the water, waves dangerously close to his rolled up pants and a glint of mischief in his eyes.
Before Doyoung could run away, Donghyuck kicked water at him. Cold and wet, Doyoung shouted in surprise. Donghyuck just laughed, arms wrapping around his own waist as he keeled over.
Doyoung saw his opportunity for payback. He ran past Donghyuck and bent over to scoop up water to splash in his general direction. Donghyuck ran to dry sand, his sweet laughter carried by the sea breeze.
“Okay, okay truce!” Donghyuck had fallen to his knees, catching his breath. His face was red and Doyoung thinks the color of the sand really compliments him right now. Doyoung wants to step forward and grab Donghyuck by his hair and make him look up. He wants to see how red he can make him, if Donghyuck would whine on his knees for anyone to see. If the more red Donghyuck got, the better he would look against the sand.
“Hyung…”
Doyoung snaps out of his trance, falling to his knees in front of him.
“We’re going to get sandy.” Doyoung chuckled, adjusting himself to sit on his butt.
“That’s okay, we can brush it off.” Donghyuck mirrored Doyoung’s moves. They sat in silence, watching what few people were left on the beach this late at night. Couples walking along the shoreline just like them, someone walking their dog, a couple kids shouting at each other as they kicked up sand.
“Are you excited to be done for the semester?”
“Yes, this semester has been awful. I don’t know why I decided to take a thermodynamics class… It’s not required for biomedical engineering! But Mark wanted to take a class together so here we are.”
“Is Mark also in the engineering program?”
“Yeah… He wants to do nuclear engineering. I don’t know why he decided to go to school here when there are tons of better schools in America.”
“I thought he was Canadian?”
“You’re missing my point here, bunny.” Doyoung reached over to shove Donghyuck back into the sand in retaliation.
“Don’t talk back to me,” Doyoung said lightly, watching Donghyuck dramatically fall back. He didn’t make a move to get up; he just made himself more comfortable in the cool sand.
“Hyung?”
“Yes, baby?”
“I'm staying the summer with Mark.”
“Doesn’t Mark have to go back to Canada?”
“He said he wants to stay here for once, something about experiencing a true Busan summer. I think he just feels bad about me staying here alone.” Donghyuck didn’t make any move to look at Doyoun while he talked. He stayed on his back, watching the purple sky.
“You could stay with me.”
“No, it’s okay bunny. I like living with Mark, plus my work hours are going to be crazy. I don’t want to wake you up when I come home smelling like charcoal and meat.”
“But you’re so sexy when you smell like barbecue.” That managed to get a laugh out of the boy laying down.
“You better watch what you say, bunny. I won’t shower next time I come over.”
“I’m being serious Donghyuck.”
Donghyuck sat up, a quizzical look on his face. “You think I’m sexy when I smell like barbecue?”
“No, about staying with me. Mark can go home and you can stay with me.”
“I told you it’s fine. Living with Mark is easy, we already have our flow. Plus we already signed the paperwork.”
“Okay. Just know you’re always welcome.”
Donghyuck nodded and leaned in to kiss Doyoung.
“Haechan, listen to me. Donghyuck-ah, please.” Doyoung was desperate for a reprieve but neither of them could stop crying. How they fucked up this bad is beyond him but at least now Doyoung has the self-awareness to know that he needed to fix it. He so desperately needed to fix this.
Donghyuck inhaled a deep, stuttering breath before nodding his head in Doyooung’s chest. The sobs had subsided as much as they could at this point, but still streams of tears were still permeating Doyoung’s shirt.
“This is so stupid and it doesn’t fix anything, I know. But listen. My name isn’t Doyoung either.” Donghyuck pulled away immediately at that, surprise coloring his face followed shortly by disbelief.
“What are you talking about?”
“Well, I mean it technically is. Legally, my name is Doyoung but I wasn’t born Doyoung. My birth certificate says Dongyoung, my parents named me that. But I changed it legally in high school because I liked the sound of Doyoung better.”
“I told you I kissed Mark and all you have to say is that you took a character out of your name?” Donghyuck bodily wipes his face with the sleeve of his sweater, drying as much as his can.
“That-”
“You kick me out of your apartment without even letting me explain and you think that this is going to change things?” Donghyuck was angry now, stepping away from Doyoung. He couldn’t lose him now, he had to fix this.
“I’m trying to tell you that there’s a lot we don’t know about each other. You didn’t tell me about your family and I’ve been spending my whole life trying to fix something in me that can’t be fixed.”
“What are you talking about?” Donghyuck had stopped backing up, stood frozen in place. His eyelashes were clumped together from tears and his hands were swallowed by black sleeves. Even now, with a meter and anger and heartache between them, Donghyuck looked beautiful.
“When I was about 8, my parents took me and my brother to Busan. That was the last weekend before my parents divorced and my dad left with my brother. I knew something was wrong on the trip, but it didn’t hit me until I was older. I was only a kid and my brother did such a good job keeping me out of it. But I didn’t see my brother for 5 years… my dad never let us visit each other… until one day Mom got fed up and took him home. I never got to see my dad after that. The last time I saw him was in a casket.”
Donghyuck gasped, stepping back into Doyoung’s space to grab his hand.
“I didn’t know.”
“I didn’t want you to know. It’s also not important, not anymore. You are the only thing that’s important to me right now and I need you to know I’m sorry. I’m sorry for kicking you out, for not listening to you. I’m sorry for not talking to you and doing things all wrong.”
“It’s okay, bunny. I understand.” Donghyuck had finally weaseled his head back against Doyoung’s chest, lips moving against fabric as he spoke.
“And I’m sorry for not letting you know that I love you.”
Donghyuck rolled over onto his side, legs still exposed to the sun. Doyuoung was looking at him carefully, observing.
“Do you like the West Sea or the East Sea?”
“Hmm?” Doyoung hummed in response, squinting his eyes as the clouds rolled away and leaving the sun to shine on his exposed body.
“I like the West,” Donghyuck answered, before Doyoung could say anything.
“Why?” Doyoung brought his hand up to his face to act as a visor against the bright sun.
“Because you can see the sunset there.”
Doyoung sat up, head cocked to the side. Donghyuck watched Doyoung think. He felt like he was being examined, like Donghyuck was taking a fine tooth comb to him to find all the imperfections and irregularities. Digging deep to find something, anything, to chip away at him.
Doyoung wishes he would dig deeper. To see all the fine lines Donghyuck had carved there himself, little crevices for the dust to settle into. His own space right next to the healed wound Busan left.
“I like the East,” Doyoung finally responded, never letting his gaze up.
“Because of Busan?”
“No.” Doyoung scooted closer, laying back down so they were only inches apart. Their knees knocked together as Donghyuck sucked in a breath. Doyoung was leaning in closer and he could smell the tang of salt water on his breath, his skin. “Because every morning I get to meet the sun.”
“Would you like to meet my mother and brother?”
“Are you serious?”
“They know about you, about how much I love you and how much you mean to me.”
“And they’re okay with that? With us?”
“Donghyuckie, they love you so much and they haven’t even met you.”
“I- I think I’d like that.”
“Good because we’re having lunch together next week. Also, my brother is Gongmyung, so be cool.”
“Your brother is WHO?”
“Keep it down, the neighbors will complain again.”
“How am I supposed to keep it down when you didn’t think to tell me you’re brother is KIM GONGMYUNG THE ACTOR? HOW DID I NOT KNOW?”