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“I’ve got it, don’t worry!”
Tifa called out as she held a steel beam above her head, activating her core muscles to keep herself steady under its weight. Barret and three other ex-Midgar citizens were working to move a car out of the steel and concrete debris it had been mostly buried under on the ground floor of Sector 1. After several pushes, the car’s tires finally came free of the rubble, but the stability of the beam shifted as debris fell against it, causing Tifa to lose her footing as the gravel slid beneath her shoes.
Tifa didn’t know if she could move out of the way in time before the beam fell on her, but a second later, she was caught by a solid strong arm and the beam was lifted from her hands. Tifa gasped as she turned to see Cloud with one arm wrapped around her, his other arm holding up the beam. She hadn’t even seen Cloud standing near her—how did he get there so fast?
“You good?” Cloud asked, not meeting Tifa’s eyes.
“...Yeah,” Tifa said, having finally regained her footing. "Thank you, Cloud."
“Uh-huh,” was all he replied. Still not looking at her.
“Good catch, Cloud! Tifa, you alright?” Barret asked.
“Yeah!” Tifa called back.
With a strong push, Cloud shoved the beam aside and then he let go of Tifa before he walked away—all without giving her a glance or saying another word. Tifa sighed and placed her hands on her hips just as she was beckoned to join and help the cleanup crew again. She was glad for the distraction, but she still couldn't help turning back to search for Cloud’s golden head of hair.
What just happened probably didn’t seem like a big deal to anyone else. And it wouldn’t have been such a big deal to Tifa if this wasn’t how all of her interactions with Cloud seemed to be these days.
The world had been saved and Cloud had fully returned to his real self. But ever since Tifa, Cloud, and Barret returned to the ruins of Midgar a few weeks ago, it was like Cloud found excuse after excuse to not speak to or spend time alone with Tifa. They hadn’t had a real conversation in weeks, and on the rare occasion he would voluntarily talk to her, he kept it brief, impersonal, and eye contact was kept to a minimum. It was a striking change and Tifa tried to not take it personally at first and give Cloud some space, thinking perhaps this was an unfortunate symptom of him coping with everything he had just gone through on their journey to save the planet. But it was becoming more and more obvious as the days went by that Cloud only acted this way around Tifa. After all, he seemed perfectly fine speaking to and spending time with Barret, so what was his problem with her?
“Tifa? You alright?”
With an embarrassed flush on her face, Tifa realized she hadn't been paying attention to what Barret had just asked her. Instead of telling him the truth, she made an excuse about feeling tired from the heat so she could go take a walk and clear her head.
When the plate fell on Sector 7 those few months ago, it was heartbreaking for Tifa to see her second home destroyed and smashed into unrecognizable pieces. But now most of Midgar looked like that. Debris from destroyed buildings, vehicles, and the pillar structure littered the ground. Mako waste spilled all throughout the broken sewer system, most of the city’s electric power was out, and dust and ash from the meteor fall coated pretty much everything. It was far from ideal living conditions, but a lot of people in Midgar had nowhere else to go. Some tried to salvage what they could of their homes while others wanted to build a whole new city and abandon Midgar. At the refugee camp where Tifa, Barret, and Cloud lived, on the outskirts of Sector 8, citizens made do with what they could take from the ruins and began to build a new community on the edge of the city.
As Tifa walked through the twisted maze of Midgar’s ruin and debris to get back to the camp, her mind couldn't help wandering back to Cloud.
He was fine after we defeated Sephiroth. We were still smiling together in the days that followed. I thought maybe he was too shy to try and kiss me or do anything else with the others around all the time, so I didn’t mind that nothing between us happened in the few weeks after that night under the Highwind.
But Cloud and I never talked about that night. And we never talked about us.
So much had happened the day we set off to stop Meteor, it seemed like there was no time for talking about all of that. And then after we fought Sephiroth, with everyone back on the ship and so much to do in the aftermath of Meteor and Holy’s destruction…we were just so relieved and happy to be alive, I didn’t want to push Cloud.
Then we went to visit Aerith’s grave and Cloud held me when I couldn’t keep it together, sobbing so hard I could barely stand. He hadn’t been afraid to talk to me or look me in the eye back then.
So what changed between then and now?
After we got back to Midgar, when I thought we’d finally have time to be alone and talk about everything....that’s when Cloud started to distance himself from me.
“Tifa, can you help me?”
Tifa had just been walking near the outside of the women & children’s barracks when a 15-year old girl, Ellie, called out for her. She was one of the kids who had lost her parents in the destruction of Sector 7.
“Ellie, what is it?” Tifa asked.
Ellie’s eyes were shining with tears as she held up her hand, which was full of splinters. “I was trying to help with gathering firewood, and...I should have worn gloves.”
“Oh, hold on...I think I have something to help!” Tifa dug a set of steel tweezers from her skirt pocket and grinned at Ellie. “Kind of a habit to keep a pair of these on you when you grow up in the country and when you work at a bar. Where there’s a lot of wood surfaces, there’s plenty of chances to get stuck with splinters.”
Ellie smiled and wiped her eyes as Tifa led her to sit down on a large, rubber tire that functioned as a seat. Tifa carefully took Ellie’s hand and began to pluck out the tiny wooden splinters, one by one.
“Thank you, Tifa. Gosh... I don’t know why I’m crying!” Ellie exclaimed. “This would have been just the type of thing my mom would have taken care of. I guess it made me wish she was here to fix me up. No use crying, though.”
Tifa gave her a sympathetic stare. “It’s okay to cry. Sometimes that’s really all you can do to get past the pain. But I get how embarrassing it might feel.”
Ellie sniffed and smiled. “I don’t feel embarrassed with you, though. You’re kind of like the camp mom.”
Tifa chuckled and glanced down. “Really? I’m not that old!”
Ellie chuckled. “It’s just that you take care of everyone, and you’re so nice and comforting to be around.”
Tifa tenderly smiled. “Oh… well, thank you for saying that.”
Ellie was quiet as Tifa pulled out a few more splinters. And then she asked, “So…that blonde guy... is he your boyfriend?”
“Huh? You mean Cloud?” Tifa’s mouth gaped open in shock and embarrassment. “Why would you think that?”
Ellie tilted her head. “So that’s a no? Because he stares at you a lot.”
Tifa had to sit back and blink her eyes in perplexity. “What?”
Since when?
“He only does it when you’re not looking. Like...right now. Turn to your left, but don’t make it obvious.”
Tifa subtly glanced to the left across the dirt pathway, where she did indeed see Cloud looking in her direction from the edge of the men’s side of the camp. When Cloud met Tifa’s eyes, he tensed up for a second and abruptly turned around.
“See!” Ellie was smiling at Tifa when she turned to face her again.
“Well… Cloud and I… We’re—” Tifa sighed and felt ashamed that she couldn’t even tell Ellie what they were to each other. She and Cloud weren’t lovers, but they spent a night together. They were friends, but Cloud hadn’t so much as had a real conversation with Tifa in weeks.
What even are we anymore, Cloud?
“Complicated?” Ellie asked.
Tifa tilted her lips into a semblance of a smile. “I guess that’s a word for it.”
“Well...if I had a guy looking at me like that all the time, I’d swear he was in love with me,” Ellie wistfully replied.
Against her better judgment, a spark of hope stirred within Tifa. Maybe not all was lost for her and Cloud yet.
.
.
.
Tifa caught Cloud staring at her, so he whipped around before she could see the blush on his cheeks.
He hadn’t meant to stare, but he got distracted when he saw Tifa sitting and taking care of that girl, Ellie. Tifa had such a big, warm heart, it was hard not to fall in love with her every time she showed it. And she was constantly helping others out of the goodness of her heart, so Cloud was in danger of falling in love with her almost every time he saw her.
It was part of the reason he tried not to look at her so much these days.
Cloud kept walking and decided to make himself busy by polishing the steel of the buster sword to clean the monster blood stains from his most recent patrol in Midgar. He wanted to take better care of the sword now that he remembered how much it had meant to Zack.
“Hey, Zack… You know, I’ve never seen you use that.”
“This is a symbol of my dreams and honor… No, it’s more… That’s right. I’d almost forgotten!” Zack’s voice had become softer and he smiled once more. “Thank you, Cloud.”
Zack never did elaborate on what he’d ‘forgotten’ and Cloud never could understand why Zack thanked him.
He then remembered the earlier part of that conversation, when Zack had probed him about his relationship with Tifa.
“I’m sensing some issues… Shouldn't you do something?”
What would you say now, Zack? Cloud sighed. If you knew that all these years later, so much has changed...and yet I’m still having the same pathetic issues with Tifa...
“Cloud! Get over here!”
It was Barret who had called him from not too far away at the food commons, where all sorts of tables of different sizes and styles were set up for the camp community. Cloud put down the sword and walked over to Barret.
“What’s up?” Cloud asked.
“Listen, I have an important errand to do for a member of my old AVALANCHE crew,” Barret explained. “It needs to get done tomorrow, but that means I’m not gonna be able to patrol Sector 8 with Tifa tomorrow afternoon. You want to go in my place?”
“Uh… Sure, but I can do the patrol alone,” Cloud answered.
Barret raised an eyebrow. “For real?”
“Yeah, you got a problem with that?” Cloud asked.
“Nope! But that’s quite generous of you. A little too generous…”
Cloud shifted his eyes away from Barret and frowned. “Well, I’ll do it. You can let Tifa know.”
“You tell Tifa, since you’re willing to cover the shift for both of us."
Cloud sighed. “...Can you just tell her?”
Barret narrowed his eyes down at Cloud. “What’s going on with you two?”
Cloud’s eyes widened. “What? Nothing.”
“Exactly what I mean—nothing! What’s up with that?” Barret cleared his throat and glanced down sheepishly as he crossed his sinewy arms over his chest. “Not that it’s any of my business. Forget I asked, actually.”
“Okay,” Cloud flatly replied.
Barret sent Cloud an annoyed stare. “You know, just when I was starting to actually like you, there you go with that attitude again! What, you and Tifa have a fight or something?”
“I thought you said to forget it."
Barret frowned. “I hate being in the middle, and I’ll be damned if you both are letting some petty bullshit—”
“It’s nothing like that. There was no fight.”
Barret raised his chin and scrutinized Cloud, as if he’d find his answers by looking at Cloud’s face. “Whatever the hell you two got going on right now… fix it. Ain’t no room for that bullshit in the new world. Leave it behind.”
Cloud quietly sighed as he crossed his arms. “Are you done?”
Barret shook his head. “Is this fake Cloud or the real Cloud talking?”
Cloud uncomfortably swallowed. “There is no more fake Cloud.”
“Then you’ll have no trouble telling Tifa you’re taking over for our patrol tomorrow. G’night!” Barret gave Cloud a bright grin before he headed off toward the barracks.
.
.
.
The next afternoon, Tifa waited in the food commons at 3 o’clock to meet Barret just before their planned patrol of Sector 8. But he was nowhere to be found.
Cloud was, though.
Tifa took a quick, deep breath, hoping they could have a normal conversation this time. She walked up to Cloud and asked, “Hey, where’s Barret?"
“He had to go run an errand for a member of his old AVALANCHE crew," Cloud replied, not quite looking her in the eye. "I’m going to patrol in his stead today."
“Oh, so you’ll be with me today?” Tifa couldn't help smiling, feeling happy about this new development. Maybe Cloud wasn't avoiding her, after all.
“No." Cloud still didn't look at Tifa as he continued, "You can stay at camp. I’ll do this one on my own.”
Tifa's heart sank and the smile on her lips dropped.
She wanted to make words come out of her mouth. She wanted to tell Cloud he was being unreasonable and that it would be better if the two of them patrolled instead of him going on his own—but she couldn’t say any of it. She couldn’t say anything. She just watched as Cloud turned away from her and began to walk away.
Tifa clenched her fists at her sides, huffing out a breath of frustration at herself and at Cloud.
Is this how we’re always going to be now? Am I just going to let him walk away without a fight? After everything we’ve been through… I can’t just give up like this!
“Cloud!” Tifa called out.
“Huh?” Cloud turned around with wide eyes.
“If you insist on patrolling that area on your own, I’ll handle Sector 7. We were going to patrol that one tomorrow, but might as well do it today, right? Maybe I can even find some supplies from the old bar if I look hard enough.”
Cloud tensed one of his golden eyebrows. “You want to go by yourself?”
Tifa shrugged. “If you think it’s a one-person job, then it should be fine if I go on my own, too, right?”
“Uh…” Cloud sighed. “Be careful.”
Tifa nodded. “You, too.”
.
.
.
Cloud finished patrolling Sector 8 with little trouble against the monsters he’d fought, but instead of going back to camp, he headed towards Sector 7. He didn’t have a good feeling about Tifa being by herself—and she only left on her own because of him. If anything bad happened to her, it would be his fault.
After he had walked through the abandoned Sector 7 for a few minutes, Cloud heard what sounded like a scuffle and ran toward it—only to find Tifa cornered against a steel wire fence wrestling off a snarling wererat.
“Tifa!” Cloud ran to her with his sword raised.
“Cloud? I’m fine!” Tifa grunted as she struggled to push the wererat off her.
“Hold on!” Cloud slashed the monster and dispatched it with a fire spell after it fell to the ground. He turned back to Tifa and went up to her, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Are you hurt?”
“You really didn’t have to step in." Tifa sighed, casting her eyes downward. “I’m okay.”
“Oh. Good." Cloud took back his hand.
Tifa brushed her long, dark hair back and smoothed it behind her ear. “Thanks, though.”
“Yeah. No problem.”
“Why are you here, Cloud?" Tifa finally glanced up at him, her ruby eyes shining like fire in the sunlight.
A prickle of heat warmed Cloud's face. Had he been too obvious with his worry?
"I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“Oh… Really?” Tifa's pink lips curved into a smile, and a softer light formed in her eyes—light that Cloud hadn’t seen directed at him in a while.
“Yeah." Cloud glanced away from Tifa, trying to hide the blush on his face. "So… how much left of the sector do you need to patrol?”
“Not much more. I can take it from here.”
Cloud gave a short shrug of his shoulders. “I don’t mind helping you."
“Well...if you really want to."
“I do.”
After he and Tifa exchanged solemn nods, Cloud wordlessly followed along her patrol and helped her dispatch any monsters that showed up. Fighting was apparently easier than talking for them. Cloud and Tifa were completely in sync in the heat of battle and worked together instinctively—able to anticipate each other’s moves and know what a look or gesture from the other meant so they could get the timing right to do a combo to put down a monster. It was practically effortless to communicate with Tifa in battle, but outside of a fight, Cloud felt like he was oceans away from her, unable to tell what she was thinking or feeling.
“I think we got rid of all the monsters in this sector," Tifa said. She picked up her hair and tied it into a high ponytail. Sweat shined on the back of her neck and her cheeks were rosy from all her exertion from the last few battles. To Cloud, she looked as beautiful as ever.
“Yeah," Cloud said—turning away once he realized he had been staring at Tifa for a bit too long without responding to her. "All the ones that aren’t hiding out, anyway,”
“Well, it’s getting dark. We should head back to camp."
Cloud nodded and walked back with Tifa in silence. He usually counted on her to start a conversation, but she looked like she didn’t want to talk right now; the way her head was slightly tilted down and her eyes looked dark and distant. Cloud knew there was something wrong to make Tifa look so unhappy.
Cloud glanced down, too, and then saw that Tifa’s hand was so close to touching his as they walked side by side. He desperately wanted to reach for it and take it into his own… but he couldn’t.
Not when it was so clear to him that he was the cause of Tifa’s unhappiness.
.
.
.
A few days passed since Cloud had helped Tifa patrol Sector 7 and now that she was aware of it, she noticed that Cloud did indeed steal glances and stare at her when he thought she wouldn’t notice. But he still couldn’t have a real conversation with her? It was strange. And confusing. And a bit maddening.
I can’t understand you, Cloud… Do you still care about me or not?
“Hey, Tifa!”
“Hey, Barret!” Tifa greeted her friend, momentarily forgetting her frustration.
“I wanted to show you something before the sun went down. Come on!” As Barret grinned wide, Tifa noticed Cloud standing a few feet behind him.
“What is it?” Tifa asked.
“A surprise,” Barret said, glancing down with a sheepish expression. “It’s a surprise for Cloud, too...”
Barret’s excitement for this apparent ‘surprise’ and the bright look in his brown eyes were too endearing for Tifa to feel annoyed with Cloud at the moment, so she smiled and answered, “Okay, let’s go!”
Barret led Tifa and Cloud to an abandoned area in Sector 8 proper, where several small structures stood in construction on a block of dirt. The structures were salvaged parts of buildings that could become homes again with a bit of repair. Barret stopped in front of one of the small rectangular structures that looked completed from the outside. It was even painted a pale shade of blue and Tifa could see white curtains through the small windows.
“Well, take a look! Our first home is done!” Barret triumphantly announced, raising his weaponless arm in a presenting gesture.
“Wow…" Tifa gasped. "Is this what you’ve been working on?”
“Yeah. It’ll take a while before we can get the whole block done—and there’s no plumbing yet—well, apart from the eco-friendly equipment the construction workers used to use—but it’s as good a temporary haven as any! Come take a look inside!”
As they walked up the short set of wooden steps into the small home, Tifa was amazed to discover that it was fully furnished and looked like a real home. Granted, there was just one narrow bedroom with two twin size beds and a small closet, a kitchen space with a sink, countertop, and cupboards, and a small bathroom that could probably only fit two people at a time. But it was a real home.
“This is amazing!” Tifa told Barret, turning back to him. “You really did this in just a few weeks?”
Barret sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. “Well, I wanted it to be ready for move-in sooner rather than later. And the people of Midgar wanted to do something for the people who keep the community safe. It’s a gift, actually—for you and Cloud.”
“What?” Tifa’s eyes widened as she gasped.
Cloud also made a quiet sound of surprise as he uncrossed his arms. “Wait…This is for us?”
Barret nodded. “I know it’s not much, but they were able to hook up the block structures to electricity with a power generator that survived. I’d rather not use mako energy, but until we figure out an alternative source of energy to make homes livable for people, we have to make do with what we can. But the stove is gas powered and the shower and sinks work like the ones outside, so you’ll have to refill the water tank every once in a while, but at least you’ll have more privacy with your own bathroom!”
Tifa gave Barret a big smile. “I don’t know what to say...but thank you!”
Barret's eyes squinted slightly as he gave her a warm stare. “You’re welcome, Tifa. But I wasn’t the only one who worked on it, so I’ll be sure to tell the whole crew."
“Barret, I’m grateful for all the work you did on this place...but I can’t stay here,” Cloud interjected. His blue eyes were fixed on the floor, and there was no smile on his face.
“Excuse me?” Barret asked, sending Cloud a fierce scowl.
Tifa awkwardly rubbed a hand at the back of her neck. “I think… it’s just so much, how could we ever repay you?”
Barret shrugged, still fixing a stern look on Cloud. “Like I said...I might have worked on it, but it’s a gift from the people of Midgar. So whether you like it or not, it’s yours.”
“Then we’ll stay here. Right, Cloud?” Tifa tried her best to look cheerful and not give away the anxiety she felt on the inside.
Cloud swallowed and uncomfortably shifted his eyes towards Tifa and then at Barret. “What about you, Barret? You spend as much time protecting the city as we do.”
“Oh, I’m fine staying in the barracks at the camp for now," Barret replied. "I was actually planning on leaving Midgar soon."
Tifa wrinkled her brow in dismay. “You’re leaving?”
Barret met her gaze and somberly nodded. “I need to go see Marlene in Kalm, and then I got some business to take care of. I was planning on bringing Marlene back here, so she could be around familiar faces. Tifa, Cloud… I know it’d be a big favor, but would you take care of her while I was away? It wouldn’t be for long, I promise!”
“Of course,” Tifa warmly replied. “I’d be more than happy to take in Marlene.”
“How ‘bout you?” Barret directed to Cloud.
Cloud glanced at the ground, looking ill at ease. “I don’t know how much longer I’m going to stay in Midgar…but in the meantime, sure. I’d help look after her.”
“Where are you going?” Tifa asked.
“...I don’t know yet.”
“So you just don’t want to be here anymore?”
Cloud turned to glance at Tifa, his brows bent with indignation. “It’s not that—it’s just—”
“What?” Tifa couldn't keep the bitterness out of her tone. “Just talk to me, Cloud!”
Cloud’s eyes widened as he kept her stare, and his jaw dropped. “I…”
“If you don’t want to stay here with me… just tell me why!” Tifa pleaded, throwing up her hands in exasperation. “I can handle the truth, whatever it is.”
“Tifa…” Cloud sighed and glance down.
“...I think I should probably go,” Barret said, awkwardly moving between Tifa and Cloud before he exited the small home.
Tifa crossed her arms and sighed once she and Cloud were left alone in the small kitchen space. “Can you talk now that Barret’s gone?”
“Do you really want me to stay with you?” Cloud quietly asked.
“What? What kind of question is that?”
“Do you want me to stay here with you? To live together?”
“It sounds like you don’t want to…and you still haven’t said why you want to leave.”
Cloud was silent once more, and Tifa could see that there was likely a deep, inner monologue going on in his head, but she wondered if any substantial words would escape his lips.
“God… I can’t take it anymore!” Tifa huffed out.
Cloud glanced over at her with wide eyes. "Uh..."
“I can’t stand it when you do that…when instead of giving me an answer, you go inside your head and you shut me out!” Tears of frustration formed in Tifa's eyes as her voice cracked. “Why have you put up this wall again? I thought that after everything, things would be easier between us. But somehow these last few weeks, I’ve felt so far away from you, Cloud... It’s been breaking my heart!”
Tears streamed down Tifa’s cheeks, and she felt so emotionally exhausted, she didn’t bother to wipe them.
“Tifa…” Through her blurry vision, Tifa thought she could see Cloud’s eyes soften.
“I’ve been driving myself crazy wondering why you won’t talk to me anymore, or why you won’t look at me if you can help it—but then you’ll still show up at my side to help me and sometimes I’ll catch you looking at me like… like you did that night we spent together under the Highwind… but any time I try to get a few words out of you or connect with you in any way, you shut me out!” Tifa began to sob, and she put both her hands up to her face as she turned away from Cloud.
“I didn’t mean to shut you out."
Tifa sniffed and swallowed her tears. “What else do you call it when you purposely find reasons to not talk or spend time with someone?”
Cloud breathed out a deep sigh. “Tifa, the last thing I ever wanted to do is hurt you… but if you’re crying like this because of me, I’ve failed, huh?”
“What does that mean, Cloud? Give me a real answer, for once! Do you—” Tifa bit her lip and sighed. Maybe it wasn’t fair to put this all on Cloud. Maybe she should start with her own feelings. “Cloud… I don’t know what that night under the Highwind meant for you… but for me, it was more than just feeling lonely and desperate because we might have ended up dying the next day! I mean...yes, what happened was in the heat of the moment, but that only meant that I had the courage to do something I probably wouldn’t have done if I had more time to be afraid and second-guess myself and if I didn’t feel like I only had one chance to spend my last night on the planet with the man who had my heart.”
Tifa's body trembled after speaking her confession while she stared into Cloud’s mako-blue eyes, which were brilliant in the setting sun’s light. But as brilliant as they were… Tifa still couldn’t tell what Cloud was feeling behind those eyes while he remained silent. To be fair, she had just said a lot and he was probably trying to figure out how to respond.
But she still had more to say.
“I don’t know what I expected to happen after that night… I didn’t even know if I should have expected to live through the next day…but we did live, and the feelings I had for you that night are the feelings I still have for you, Cloud.” Tifa swallowed down more tears and continued, “But now it feels like it never happened. Like I dreamed it all up! And I don’t want to feel that way, Cloud! Because it did happen, and it was so important to me—but I don’t know if you feel the same about it—and it’s fine if you don’t, but…do you not want to be around me anymore? Is there something I did to push you away? Please...just tell me what happened.”
“Tifa… You’ve got it all wrong.”
“Then tell me what’s right...” Tifa's throat became choked with tears again as she continued, “I know you have a lot going on in that head of yours, and I know you have so much you’re still processing—and I’ve tried not to take it personally if that’s the reason you’ve been shutting me out, but it still hurts, Cloud! It hurts that after everything, you and I should have become closer, but now I feel like I’m the last person you want around you.”
“That couldn’t be further from the truth!” Cloud finally moved from his spot and placed his hands on Tifa’s arms, gripping her gently. “I’m sorry I made you feel this way, Tifa. I’m so sorry…”
Tifa was overwhelmed just by having Cloud grab her and look her in the eyes—direct, tangible contact with him that she’d been desperately craving during these last few weeks. She was so weak for Cloud’s attention, that even this moment made her heart beat a little faster as hope stirred within her once more.
“Listen… That night under the Highwind meant so much to me, too. I still feel the same way I did that night. The way I’ve felt about you for so long...” Cloud's eyes were shining and his lips were pulled into a pout, as if he were about to start crying. It was the most emotion Tifa had seen out of him since the day they saved the planet. “I guess I’ve been more walled up because I assumed that you regretted what happened or that maybe you had only done what you did with me because we thought we were going to die.”
Tifa frowned. “What made you think all of that?”
“Well, for one, you seemed so embarrassed the next morning, and you didn’t seem to want to talk about it...” Cloud sighed and glanced down. “And since that night, you haven’t tried to kiss me or anything and you acted like your usual, cheerful and friendly self—like normal. I guess I assumed that if you were able to be so casual about everything and not talk about it, you just wanted to move on like nothing ever happened. Maybe what happened that night was only a one-time thing for you.”
“Well, we were still on the ship with everyone else and I wanted to be sure that it was what you wanted before I ever tried anything like that again…” Tifa furrowed her brow in perplexity. “But if you really did have feelings for me, why didn’t you say anything? And what about these last few weeks of you avoiding me like your life depended on it?”
Cloud released Tifa’s arms and stood back from her, uneasily crossing his arms. “I didn't say anything because... if you didn’t feel the same way I did, and if that night didn’t mean the same thing to you, I wasn’t sure I could deal with the rejection. And then as the group became smaller and it was just you and Barret left, it was so much harder to be around you, Tifa. I didn’t know how to be alone with you and hide my feelings. So it was easier to not look at you...to keep myself busy and not have to worry about ruining things with you if I said the wrong thing or looked at you the wrong way.” Cloud dryly laughed. “Looks like I still fucked up, anyway.”
Tifa blinked in disbelief as she processed everything Cloud just told her. “I never realized you might have had those thoughts about me...the same hurt and uncertain thoughts I had about you. Is that the reason you wanted to leave Midgar?”
“Sort of. I didn’t understand why until just a minute ago, but I could see how unhappy you’ve been lately. And I could tell it was because of me, so… I started to think ‘maybe Tifa would be happier if I left.’”
Tifa's heart ached at that, and she exhaled a sigh. "I was frustrated with you, Cloud, but that didn’t mean I didn’t want you around. It was the opposite, actually. I’m so sorry for making you feel hurt and confused, too. I should have said something and not just waited for you to talk to me about everything. I don’t even know why I expected you to when I was too much of a coward to do that myself...”
“You’re not a coward, and you don’t have to apologize,” Cloud gently said. “I was the one who hurt you.”
Tifa shook her head. “No… it’s better that we both apologize. This wasn’t just your fault. It was my fault, too.”
Cloud and Tifa stared at each other in silence, and Tifa finally felt like she could breathe again. She moved closer to Cloud as a gentle smile formed on her lips.
“I know I said that words aren’t the only way to tell someone how you feel...but that doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t have said them. Maybe things would have been clearer if we’d actually said our feelings out loud that night.” Tifa gave Cloud a warm gaze and continued, “I love you, Cloud. And I want you to stay here with me.”
Cloud's eyes softened as he gave Tifa an equally soft smile. “I love you, too, Tifa. I always have.”
Tifa reached forward to cup Cloud's face in her hand, feeling the same warmth and light in her heart that she felt night under the Highwind. “So… does that mean you actually do want to live with me here?”
Cloud raised his eyebrows as his mouth formed into a crooked grin. “Of course I do, Tifa.”
Tifa was so happy to hear those words and to see that smile on Cloud’s face that she couldn’t help launching forward to kiss him. Cloud caught her gently by the elbows, letting out a soft gasp of surprise before he kissed her back.
After they pulled apart, Cloud whispered, “I’ll never shut you out again, Tifa. I promise."
“Cloud… Thank you.” Tifa smiled as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Cloud locked her into his arms as he hooked them around her waist, and he leaned his chin on her shoulder. They stayed that way for about half a minute, finally feeling happy in each other's embrace for the first time in weeks.
“Well...I guess this is our new home, huh?” Cloud said, breaking the silence.
Tifa smiled as she glanced around their new pseudo-apartment. “Yeah… for now, at least.”
Cloud reached down and took her hand into his. “Want to take a tour?”
Tifa laughed. “All 250 square feet of this place?”
Cloud softly laughed. “Hey, it’s nice!”
“You could have told Barret that…” Tifa tilted her head and gave Cloud a playfully chiding look.
Cloud sighed and sheepishly glanced to the side. “I’ll tell him the next time I see him.”
.
.
.
After Cloud and Tifa took some to look at everything around their new home and test all the appliances, they sat outside on the wooden steps to bask in the cool dusk air. Tifa leaned back against Cloud’s chest as he wrapped an arm around her waist. They melded into each other’s bodies comfortably, and Cloud no longer felt the apprehension he’d been feeling these last few weeks around Tifa.
He finally allowed himself to hold her.
As Cloud and Tifa watched the sky become dark and fill with bright stars, they caught up on all the conversation they’d been missing out on these last few weeks—about mundane things like life in the camp, all the interesting and uninteresting people they had to work with, ideas for what to do with certain parts of Midgar’s ruins, and Tifa’s plans for the new bar she wanted to build. She wanted it to be more than a bar—a place where people could feel at home. Cloud liked that idea and promised to help her out, even though he’d never worked in a bar before.
Their conversation naturally faded and lulled into a comfortable silence once they ran out of things to talk about—and for once, the silence didn’t make Cloud’s head fill with anxious thoughts. He basked in the feeling of Tifa’s head resting against his chest and the slow, breathing motion of her body under his hand, still wrapped around her side. It was like that night under the Highwind, except this time Cloud didn’t have to worry about the world ending. Just sitting with Tifa in his hands and nothing to worry about...he never knew he could feel this kind of peace.
“So...are we together now? Officially, I mean?” Cloud asked, breaking the silence.
Tifa let out a soft laugh. “Yeah, as official as we can be...”
“Does that mean…you’re my girlfriend?” A hot blush formed in Cloud's face.
“I guess so." Tifa turned her head to glance up at Cloud and smiled. "And that makes you my boyfriend.”
Cloud exhaled, “Hoo, boy…”
Tifa let out another quiet laugh. “I haven’t said it out loud, but I’ve really enjoyed you having your country boy accent back in full force.”
Cloud sheepishly laughed and ducked his head. Tifa joined in with more of her soft laughter, and when they quieted, she peacefully sighed and rested back against Cloud’s shoulder.
“I can’t believe we could have been like this so much sooner if either one of us had just said something...”
Cloud shrugged and gently squeezed at Tifa’s waist. “Yeah… We’ve wasted a lot of precious time being stupid.”
“Well, I don’t want to waste any more time." Tifa tilted her head up towards Cloud and leaned up to press a kiss on his cheek. “Let’s do things right this time, Cloud. No more miscommunication.”
Cloud nodded. “No more assuming the worst of each other, either.”
Tifa smiled and stood up, extending a hand for Cloud to take. “Well, I’m ready to go inside. You?”
“Yeah.”
Cloud stood up with Tifa to go back into the apartment, walking ahead of her into the dark space so he could turn on the lights. The lamps in the bedroom flickered a few times before they remained bright and constant.
“We might need to get new lights,” Cloud remarked.
When Tifa hadn’t answered for a couple seconds, Cloud turned around to face her. She still didn't reply as she walked up to him with a focused, intent stare in her eyes.
Cloud slightly raised his eyebrows in question. “Tifa…?”
Tifa closed the distance between her and Cloud with a kiss, gripping him by the ribs to press him up against the wall, where she kept him pinned with the strength of her arms alone. Cloud let out a startled yelp that was muffled by Tifa’s lips, but he lost his shock as he gave in to her slow, hot kiss.
“Sorry,” Tifa said, pulling away from Cloud as she caught her breath. “I thought you knew what I meant when I said I was ready to go inside, but I can stop if you—”
“Don’t stop.” Cloud grasped the back of Tifa's head, threading her silky dark hair between his fingers as he kissed her again.
Tifa placed her palms on Cloud’s chest and grabbed him by the leather straps of his belt, clumsily walking them both into the small bedroom. She briefly pulled away from Cloud to take off her gloves and armor, and Cloud did the same, removing his gloves and his pauldron. He let them drop to the floor before Tifa approached him again, the hunger in her wine-colored eyes and the reddish tint of her swollen lips making her look even more irresistible. She took another kiss from Cloud as she placed a palm at the center of his chest, pushing him backwards until he was forced to sit on the nearest bed once the backs of his knees knocked into the edge of the mattress. Without hesitation, Tifa surged forward and kissed Cloud again, climbing on top of his lap in a seamless move while they kept their lips locked. Cloud grasped Tifa by the waist, his hands naturally drifting above and below her skirt as he caressed her. But as the kissing got heavier, Cloud pulled away from Tifa, anticipating what might happen next.
“Tifa… are you sure you want to...?” Cloud breathlessly asked.
Tifa nodded. “Yeah… if you want to, of course...”
Cloud’s cheeks were flushed as he nodded. “I do, but... I’m still kind of… inexperienced. I might not be good at this yet.”
“Hey… No one ever said that you weren’t good at it. Besides, the only way you get more comfortable with doing something new is by practicing, right?”
Cloud nervously swallowed. “It’s just that you deserve the best… and I don’t want to hurt you or screw it up like last time.”
“Cloud…” Tifa cupped his cheek in her hand and gave him a soft look. “I was okay last time, and it still ended up feeling good for me, even if it started out a little rough.” She lowered her eyes, giving Cloud a sad frown. “Did it feel good for you? I know we didn’t talk about it after...”
“Yeah… It did feel good.” Cloud gazed into Tifa’s eyes and told her intently, “But I want to be better for you this time.”
Tifa shook her head. “This isn’t just about me. I want to be better for you, too, Cloud.”
Cloud raised his eyebrows in surprise, and then he smiled. “You? Be better for me? Tifa, that’s impossible! You’re already—I can’t even—” He bit his lip and sighed. “God, I’m still terrible with words, huh?”
Tifa let out a soft chuckle. “It’s a good thing we don’t always need them, then…”
Cloud’s heart beat rapidly against his ribcage as he met Tifa’s enticing eyes. She leaned in with her lips slightly open, not quite closing the distance between them. Cloud didn't want to make Tifa take all the initiative, so he stroked a hand through her hair and grasped the back of her neck as he pressed his lips to hers, making sure to keep the kiss soft and gentle. Cloud didn’t want to hurt Tifa for even one second this time.
But it might have been too slow and gentle for her, because she suddenly grasped Cloud’s hair in her knuckles, yanking at it as she kissed him with more urgency and accidentally pushing her teeth into his. After they clicked teeth and both let out an "ow", Tifa pulled away from Cloud with a bashful blush on her cheeks.
“Sorry…” Tifa took in a short, deep breath before glancing back at Cloud.
“It’s okay,” Cloud answered, softening his eyes on her. “Do with me what you will.”
A pretty grin curve up the side of Tifa's lips. “You sure about that?”
Cloud smiled. "Mmhm."
Tifa gave Cloud a toothy smile before she grabbed hold of his shoulders and kissed him, starting slow before she intensified it. As she held him close to her, straddling him and tensing her thighs around his hips, Cloud was reminded of just how strong Tifa's body was, and she was probably even holding back with him now. It was insanely hot.
Tifa pulled away from Cloud to remove the leather straps from his shoulders, and then she gently, but forcefully, nudged him with her palm to lie on his back. Cloud smiled up at her as she slid her hand down the right side of his chest, fingers rubbing and pressing down against his nipple through the fabric of his shirt as she bent down to kiss him. Cloud gasped and let out a quiet moan at how good it felt when Tifa pressed her palm down with just a little more force, sparking a warmth that went straight to his core and made him flush in his face.
“Cloud… was that okay?” Tifa glanced down at Cloud, brow furrowed with concern.
“Yeah,” Cloud replied. “Tell me what’s okay for you, too.”
Tifa adjusted her position on top of Cloud, lowered herself fully to sit on his lap. There was no space between their bodies now, except for the thin barrier of their clothes, and Cloud gasped as he felt Tifa's warmth against his.
“This is okay...” Tifa took hold of Cloud’s right hand and guided it up to her left breast, underneath the fabric of her sports bra. Her cheeks were flushed red as she spoke, but she gave Cloud an encouraging smile.
“Oh—okay.” Cloud nodded and swallowed as he felt the warm, impossibly soft skin of Tifa’s breast under his hand. His face and body were burning hot, but he froze still as he tried to figure out what to do next.
“We don’t need to talk about every single thing we do, Cloud, but I’ll definitely let you know if something’s not okay—and you make sure you tell me, too. I want you to feel comfortable, so just do what comes naturally to you—and we’ll adjust if we need to.”
Cloud nodded and took in a cleansing breath to ease his anxiety. Then he tentatively moved his fingertips over Tifa’s nipple before he gently squeezed her breast. Tifa exhaled a quiet sigh as she bit her lip and shut her eyes.
“Yeah... that’s good,” she whispered.
Feeling encouraged, Cloud leaned up to kiss the hollow at the base of Tifa’s throat and gripped her around the waist with his free arm to bring her down onto him with a firm, guiding press on the small of her back. Tifa clutched Cloud’s bicep for support as she brought their lips together again, all the while Cloud continued to massage her left breast between his fingers. The soft, urgent whimpers that Tifa let into his mouth as she leaned into his touch nearly sent Cloud over the edge, and he couldn’t help rolling his hips up against where she sat on him. Tifa pulled away from Cloud with a shuddering gasp, and he met her gaze to make sure she was okay. Tifa's eyes were still bright and a smile was on her parted lips as she caught her breath. Cloud breathed out in relief and smiled up at Tifa.
"Still good," Tifa told him in a sweet voice.
She sat up to remove the suspenders from her shoulders and stripped off her shirt and bra in one move. She pushed her long, tousled hair back from her face, keeping a smile on Cloud the whole while. Tifa was so effortlessly beautiful, Cloud often found it hard to do anything but just stare in awe of her, like he was doing now. But he quickly snapped out of his daze, and remembered that he had to do things better this time and not make Tifa do all the work. He took his own shirt off and threw it aside on the bed, but as he was about to bring Tifa back down to him, Cloud saw that she was no longer smiling. She was now staring at the scar on his abdomen with a look of pain.
“Cloud…”
"Tifa? What's wrong?"
They had never been together under the lights like this, with their bare scars revealed to each other, unhidden from any shadows or the dark of night. Cloud sat up and carefully held onto Tifa's thighs as she still straddled him. He gazed at the dark scar just under her chest, usually not visible when she had her sports bra on. Their scars reminded Cloud that he and Tifa had shared so much of the same trauma, the same pain, and the same sorrow. Both of their lives were intertwined irrevocably since the night Cloud made his promise to Tifa on the water tower—a naive, childish promise that was innocent to how much tragedy and loss they would both experience in the coming years.
Tifa tenderly held Cloud’s face in her hand, and she gazed at him with tears in her eyes. Then she leaned forward to hug Cloud, securing her arms around his back in a strong, yet gentle, hold. Cloud hugged her back, feeling warm tears itch at the edges of his own eyes.
After all these weeks of making things complicated and weird and being uncertain of Tifa’s feelings, Cloud finally felt in sync with her. She didn’t need to say anything this time for him to understand the reason behind her tears and her embrace because he imagined it was the same as his. The tears he let out now were tears of lament for who they used to be, for their lost innocence, and for all they had lost in order to get to where they were now. But they were also the exhausted, grateful, rejoicing tears of finally coming home after years of living without one.
Cloud had finally found his home again—in Tifa’s arms.
“You know, it’s okay if you want to stop and slow down,” Tifa quietly said, breaking Cloud from his thoughts.
He pulled away from her and softly brushed the tears at the corners of her eyes. “I want you, Tifa. And for once, I’m not afraid to say it out loud. I don’t want to stop…if you don’t, either.”
Tifa’s eyes warmed on Cloud as she answered, “I don’t want to stop.”
.
.
.
When Tifa woke up, Cloud was still asleep with his arms wrapped around her middle and his chin tucked on her shoulder. Tifa turned and shifted to rest on her back, and she felt a warmth stir in her heart as Cloud instinctively reached for her again, though he didn’t wake up. She glanced over at his face, glowing in the morning sun. He didn’t have the worry lines on his brow that he usually did when they camped with others. In fact, it almost looked like he was smiling.
A smile grew on Tifa’s own lips as she stared at Cloud’s peaceful sleeping face. She wished he could always look this peaceful. Cloud was sure to frown at some point during the day, but for now at least, she’d let him sleep a little longer without a single care in the world.
Tifa carefully moved away from Cloud so she could get dressed, and left the room to brush her teeth in the small kitchen space. Barret had been generous enough to prepare the small home with precious commodities like toothpaste, soap, and shampoo, as well as a few non-perishable food items in the cupboard—and coffee. Tifa lit the portable gas stove on the counter and poured water into a kettle from a 5-gallon water container that Barret had been kind enough to leave underneath the sink. Just as she had found two mugs and spoons from the cupboards—although they didn’t look like they were from the same set—Tifa was surprised to hear footsteps approach.
“Good morning.” It was Cloud who quietly said this, and when Tifa looked at him, he still had that peaceful smile on his lips and his eyes looked bright. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, but he had put on his pants.
Tifa smiled and gave Cloud a warm gaze. “Good morning. I tried to be as quiet as I could so that I didn’t wake you, but I know we have another long day today, so… some caffeine is in order.”
“It’s okay.” Cloud rested against the wall with his arms crossed over his stomach since there wasn’t anywhere to sit in the small kitchen.
“It’s almost ready!” Tifa smiled as she scooped the instant coffee grounds into each of their mugs.
Cloud patiently waited for the water to finish boiling, and Tifa also stood quietly, her arms crossed just like his.
“So…” Tifa let out a quiet almost-laugh, still a habit of hers when she was nervous.
“So…” Cloud glanced over at her with a bashful smirk. “Last night was good.”
“Yeah." Tifa's cheeks warmed as she added, "Really good."
She was too bashful to look at Cloud’s reaction to what she just said, but he made a quiet ‘mm’ sound that she interpreted as him agreeing with her. A few seconds later, the kettle let out a screaming whistle and Tifa was glad for it because she didn’t know how else to move on from that non-conversation. She was almost as bad as Cloud was at this, but at least he was trying this time.
After she poured the water into their mugs, Tifa poured a packet of sugar into her mug. Cloud wordlessly appeared at her side in the next instant, hovering a hand over the small of her back.
“Oh—Here’s yours.” Tifa carefully handed Cloud his mug of coffee.
“Thanks,” he replied.
Tifa turned and stared at Cloud as a smile curved on her lips. The way he had moved into her space and seemed so at ease with her…it felt so good to see him like this.
“What is it?” Cloud asked.
“You look…” Tifa bit her smiling lip. “You just look really...relaxed for once. Did you sleep well?”
“Yeah. I think that might have been the best sleep I’ve had… since I can remember.”
“That good?”
“Yeah.” Cloud gave Tifa a fond stare, not straying his eyes away, even after she blew on her coffee and took a sip.
She turned to him with a blushing smile. “What?”
Cloud glanced down, a smile curving up the right side of his mouth. “Sorry for staring—it’s just weird. Seeing you like this in the morning. Doesn’t feel real.”
Tifa sheepishly smiled and gave a small shrug. “Well, it is.”
“Yeah… just didn’t think I’d ever have a normal morning like this. Waking up to the girl I love making me coffee.”
Tifa held her coffee with both hands as she leaned against the counter. “But it feels right, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah.” Cloud glanced down and took a sip of his coffee. Then he grimaced.
“You didn’t put any cream or sugar in it yet,” Tifa softly laughed.
Cloud put his mug down and scrunched his mouth into a pout. “Yeah...realized that.”
“We don’t have any cream, but here,” Tifa handed Cloud two packets of sugar.
“Thanks.”
When their fingers touched, Cloud lingered and took Tifa’s hand into his. As she met his gaze, Cloud’s stare felt magnetic and before Tifa knew it, Cloud leaned in to meet her in a feverish kiss. She smoothed a hand up his bare, toned back as he pressed up against her, and she felt like she was about to lose control as their kiss deepened and their torsos grazed against each other—and then Cloud suddenly pulled away.
“Sorry about that…” Cloud cleared his throat and glanced down with a blush on his cheeks.
“Sorry?” Tifa laughed. “You don’t have to apologize for that.”
Cloud awkwardly put a hand to the back of his neck. “I got a little carried away...”
“So did I…” Tifa basfhully stroked a strand of hair behind her ear.
The packets of sugar were warm and crumpled as Tifa held them in her fist, and Cloud sheepishly took them out of her hand and poured the contents into his coffee.
“So we should go sit outside and enjoy our coffee,” Tifa brightly suggested. “It’s nice and sunny out!”
“I’ll go put on a shirt first,” Cloud said.
“Okay. Meet me outside.”
Tifa smiled to herself as she walked out to the steps and thought to herself that this warm, giddy feeling was ideally how it should have felt the morning after she and Cloud had sex with each other the first time. But back then, they weren’t able to really enjoy it, and it felt like such a fleeting moment in the scope of everything else they had yet to face that day.
But things were different now.
The world was at peace and there was no looming threat of death or disaster. At least not for today. Tifa knew Cloud loved her, and he knew she loved him. Finally, she was able to bask in the happiness of their love.
Cloud showed up at Tifa’s side not even a minute later, having put his sleeveless top on. He sat down next to her before he took a sip of his coffee, although he put it down quickly and barely touched it for the next few minutes as they sat in silence, just looking at the world around them. It was still in shambles, but above the gnarled mess of what once used to be Midgar, the blue sky was bright and swathes of white clouds drifted by.
“It’s still so quiet out,” Tifa remarked.
“Yeah,” Cloud replied.
Tifa stretched her arms over her head after she finished her last sip of her coffee. Then she smiled over at Cloud. “Well, that was good! I feel refreshed!”
Cloud glanced down at his mug of coffee, which was still half-full.
Tifa quietly laughed. “You didn’t like the coffee...did you?”
Cloud’s eyes widened as his cheeks flushed. “No, it’s great!”
Tifa tilted her head as she raised an eyebrow.
Cloud awkwardly glanced to the side. “I just prefer to have a bit of cream in it—or milk. We should go find some.”
Tifa giggled, “Okay, just for you, Cloud.”
Cloud smiled up at Tifa. “I’m sure if I liked my coffee black, this would have been the best cup of coffee I’ve ever had.”
Tifa blushed. “Cloud, you don’t need to say something like that... But thank you.”
Cloud shrugged as a boyish smile grew on his lips. “You’re welcome.”
“Well I hope you’re feeling energized even without the caffeine. Ready to start the day?”
“Yeah.” Cloud stood up and took the mug from Tifa's hand. “Here, I’ll take it.”
Cloud walked ahead of Tifa to go back inside, and she followed him into the kitchen. She hugged her arms around herself as she tried not to let the smile get too big on her face, watching Cloud as he thoroughly washed and then dried their mugs and spoons with a dish towel.
This was really nice.
It honestly did feel too good to be true to have a normal morning like this, with Cloud being so soft and affectionate with her...but this was the Cloud that Tifa always knew existed. Caring, kind, and constantly supportive of her. The same Cloud who had gotten hurt trying to save her life when they were kids. The same Cloud who promised to be her hero any time she needed saving. The same Cloud who was there for her years later to keep that promise. The same Cloud who still did his best to keep her safe a few years after that, even when he had forgotten who he was.
I guess I’ve always had you, too… even when I didn’t know it.
Cloud glanced at Tifa and tilted his head in question. “Tifa? What’s up?”
“Nothing. Just...appreciating you.”
“Appreciating me?”
“Mhmm.” Tifa moved forward and wrapped her arms around Cloud. He was surprised for half a second, then pulled her in close.
“What’s this for?” Cloud asked.
Tifa smiled. “Sometimes you just want to hug the people you love because you’re so glad they’re with you and you appreciate all the little things they do for you.”
“A hug just for washing dishes?”
Tifa laughed as she pulled away. “I think a guy who washes his girlfriend’s dishes without having to be asked is sexy.”
Cloud’s cheeks grew pink at her words, and he didn’t seem to know how to respond.
“Well, I think we should get to work before we get worked up again, if you know what I mean,” Tifa said with a chuckle.
Cloud stopped and stared at Tifa as a grin formed on his mouth. “Gee, Tifa… that was real corny.”
“What?”
“You know, you say pretty corny things sometimes, too. It’s not just me.”
Tifa blushed and crossed her arms. “Oh… whatever, Cloud!”
Cloud let out a quiet laugh, but Tifa soon joined in with him, and they both laughed for a long while as they gave each other mutual smiles of adoration.
I really like that sound, Tifa thought to herself. The sound of us being happy together.