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They had planned, then they had guessed, but then tripped and stumbled into their current dangerous situation. He didn’t know what they could do now; he didn’t know what he could do at all.
And so Essek continued to tilt his chin down into the fluff gathered up in his arms, because if they were all going to die, he would allow himself this one last comfort.
Caleb, or Sheepleb as Jester immediately dubbed him, was too large for Essek to single handedly carry him. He was a full grown sheep, with a thick coat of orange tinged wool and curling horns. However here in the astral sea Essek could carry him, despite his lackluster upper body strength, since gravity didn’t behave the same. All of them were gliding in the air now, but even the familiarity of floating did nothing to dampen Essek’s mood.
The city - by the light - he had never seen anything like it, and he’d rather it return to whatever nightmare that conjured it.
Again he shifted his face back down into the wool. Soft, warm, orange. A bit bristly and a whiff musty, and Essek had to wonder how much was sheep and how much was Caleb. He found he didn’t mind. He didn’t mind at all.
Essek was, at least on the surface, holding onto Sheepleb to keep him from spinning directionless through the air as they directed themselves to land. Essek had not volunteered himself, still maintaining that slim facade of proprietary even now, but Sheepleb had been pushed towards his open arms. The Nein had bumped around each other until most were holding arms or ankles, trying to maintain connection as they flew towards the city. Jester had a grip on Essek’s cloak, her other hand in Fjord’s, and Fjord’s arm was linked with Beau’s, and so the daisy chain continued. But both of Essek’s arms were busy with their important job of holding Caleb. The sheep. The sheep who was in normal circumstances the man he liked very much and would certainly turn back into at any moment, and this predicament was just another layer of disaster upon this already troublesome life.
Soft, warm, orange .
Essek sighed into Caleb’s wool, wanting to say so many things but guessing the sheep wouldn’t understand very much at all.
He bleated, a quiet baa like he could guess at Essek’s thoughts. He couldn’t, he was a sheep, but Essek shifted his grip all the same. He patted the sheep’s head in acknowledgement.
“We’ll land soon enough.”
Another soft baa .
“I know, it does look pretty terrifying. Is this what you saw in your dreams?”
A little huff of air. Essek took that as an answer.
He scritched at the sheep's head, absentmindedly petting him as the city got closer. There were no lights or sounds, nothing that indicated life, and yet the whole of the cityscape seemed to breathe .
“I don’t like this.” Essek whispered against the sheep’s side. “I came along to help, to prevent this. Logically I knew it could still come to this end, but....” His words trailed off, the landmass before them growing larger and larger on the horizon.
The sheep kicked his legs in Essek’s grip, almost like he wanted to run.
“A very relatable feeling.” He pressed his whole face into the wool now, trusting propulsion and the surrounding group to keep them moving forward. “I will not run away, I made a promise. I came here to help. I will help.”
The sheep stilled in his arms, and let out another quiet bleat.
“I want to help my friends.” Essek’s voice was barely a whisper now, surely drowned out amongst the odd swish of wind and the murmur of other conversations around him. “And...I want to help you. Caleb, I came here for you .”
Soft, warm, orange .
Essek felt like he could say anything into this damper of bristly fluff, confess every feeling and fear and let them fade into the muffle of the sheep’s wool. Logic vaguely knocked on his mind again, reminding him that this sheep was Caleb , and could perhaps understand, and more likely remember. But physically he was a wreck, more bruises than solid bone at this point, and emotionally he was...a lot of things at once. Too many things. Bad and good and terrible and hopeful swirled together until no single feeling was recognizable.
But there was a sheep in his arms. He was flying through antigravity with an orange sheep tucked safely against him. And in his wildest dreams come true, it was Caleb in his arms. The absurdity pushed out any other feelings for now, and so Essek kept holding the sheep.
“I don’t know what any of us are doing here, but I know why. ” Essek’s tongue was running ahead of his mind again. “Or at least I know my why. Caleb, surely you know by now-”
“I think we’ll be close enough soon, so let’s find a safe place to land.” Fjord called out. “And hide before we’re spotted by whatever is living on there.”
Essek pulled the sheep more securely against him, and swept his gaze across the cityscape, keeping an eye out for a hopeful shred of shelter.
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It took longer than expected for Caleb to revert to his familiar human form. The magic of Aeor was unforgiving, and the Nein had to hole up in the dark corner of a ruined building until their much-missed wizard returned. Spells were low, energy was left in scraps, but thankfully Caleb had kept a spell aside for the dome. There would be one familiar comfort tonight while they tried to rest in a place constructed from nightmares. The dome was a dull grey to better blend into the bleak surroundings, but it kept the stench and brittle wind out, and for that they were grateful.
The others settled down after a few minutes but sleep alluded Essek. He usually did not need to, but in this place he didn’t think he even could. He counted his breaths in and out, trying to find a sense of equilibrium to help himself trance. He could still see the city skyline, ominous and flexing against the astral sea, behind his closed eyelids. He took another deep breath to chase the memory off.
“ Essek .”
He opened his eyes, immediately grateful to see a recognizable face and not some other whispering thing. Caleb was apparently still awake and had turned to face Essek.
Essek studied his face. He looked tired, like they all did, but there was a softness in his eyes as he stared back at Essek. They both had night vision now, Essek suddenly remembered. They could see each other clearly.
“Sheep are not that intelligent, did you know?” Caleb’s voice was low, a conversation just for Essek. “Most of what I experienced was like… waves of feelings. Instincts and reactions.” Caleb leaned a few more inches into Essek’s space, his voice a whisper. “I remember you talking to me.”
Essek was not embarrassed. The warmth tickling his ears and cheeks could seem otherwise, but he was not ashamed. He hadn’t told the sheep anything that wasn’t true.
“I didn’t fully understand, at least not in human terms, what you were saying. Like I said, instincts and reactions, but I felt…safe. You held me and it was comforting.”
A silence fell between them, the dome seeming to dim to just them. Essek couldn’t look away from Caleb’s face, searching for answers, barely letting himself hope.
He broke the quiet first. “Why are you telling me this?” Essek had to hear it, he didn’t want to guess.
Caleb smiled, his eyes crinkled and lips half up in that rare expression, and Essek felt another wave of tangled emotions crash over him.
“Surely you know.” Caleb reached forward to rest his hand gently on top Essek’s own. “Essek, you must know by now.”