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Stephen would be nice in between the name Jason Grace. ,Jason Stephen Grace.
You chuckled at the thought as you walked through the hallowed hallway of the campus, morning sun barely shining. You had come early as part of the agreement you had with the blonde-haired boy - he missed time to work on your shared physics project, he makes up for it early in the morning. It was a shitty agreement, you suppose, as it also meant waking up early in the morning to meet up with him. You didn’t know how your barely functioning brain had formed it.
Jason was a ray of sunshine, matching your energy as he met you in the cafeteria. His black hoodie was pulled up to his figure, head down in one of the many lunch tables. “Hey,” he grumbled, waking up from his presumed uncomfortable slumber. “I don’t really get it how we agreed that the way for me to make up missed work is to wake up in ungodly hours of the morning and meet you here.”
His disheveled blonde hair was pointing in all directions. He shook his head and ran his fingers through it, trying to somewhat fix it. It didn't as it only formed a middle part that you smiled at. He shook his head again, letting his hair fall messily rather than the always perfect one everyone would see.
“I don’t either,” you shrugged, dropping the diorama on the table. It was a silly project really, but worth half of your grade for the quarter. The two of you were paired up to do a diorama of how friction works in vehicles, which meant hours upon hours to cut up images of cars and paste them on cardboards. “I’m just following our agreement.”
“We made it,” He points out, as a matter of factly, before grabbing a piece of cardboard himself. “We could make some changes.”
“Nah,” You shook your head, trying to position cardboard cut out of a car inside the diorama. “I like the mornings, don’t you? It’s fresh and chilly, and quiet.”
Jason frowned. “I doubt it, Y/N. You like to sleep as much as I do.”
Your heart gave a lurch as the words left his mouth. You never really thought that Jason paid attention to you. He’s Jason. The campus star. The famous athlete. Not once did you even think about crossing paths with him. Yet here you both are - the sun just barely has risen - working on the diorama that you've been doing for weeks.
You thought back to nights he’d have these sudden ideas for your project. Instead of waiting until you were awake like a normal person would do, he’d make your phone ring - one, two, three times - until you answer and yell at him for waking you up. You’d still listen to his idea, though, after you yell at him senselessly.
“I do,” You agreed, pasting a cardboard car in your diorama. “But seeing as you have your training in the afternoons, and nights are off-limits, this is the only time we have.”
“You know it’d be fine if I miss a practice or two,” Jason sighed, pasting more car cut-outs into pieces of cardboard. “I’m sure Coach Hedge won’t mind.”
“Oh, he definitely will,” You huffed out a laugh. “That man is crazy. He’d probably hunt me down with his bat and whack me with it, saying how I’m a bad influence and, by some witchcraft, have convinced you not to train.”
Jason laughed, the melodic, heavenly laugh you’d come to love during the times you’ve spent together. Considering how this project was going, it’s been a considerable amount of time - definitely more than the amount of time your workaholic mom has dropped you off of school.
You laughed before gently falling into a comfortable silence with him. The sounds of chirping birds and cars whizzing past on the highway filled the space as the two of you harmoniously work on your project.
You let out a yawn, shaking your head as you start to feel tired. It was hard to keep awake as the sounds around you were lulling you to sleep. You started to drift consciousness but jumped awake as you felt the cardboard that you were holding fell from your grasp.
“You okay there?” Jason asked, concern written on his face.
“Yeah,” you yawned. “Just tired ‘s all.”
“What time did you go to bed?”
“2 am,” you mumbled, grabbing the glue from the table.
You didn’t expect him to hear it, but he did. “And what were you doing until then?”
“Maths,” you answered, sticking the cardboard into your diorama.
“Shit,” he swore. “Really?”
“Yeah.”
“So that means you only got like three hours of sleep,” Jason pointed out.
“Yep,” you yawned yet again.
“You need to sleep.” Jason stood up. He started to move things around the table, your protests getting lost among the rustling sound of Jason moving your supplies.
“No.”
“Yes,” he gave you a pointed look.
“No.”
“This is not up for discussion, Y/N,” Jason narrowed his eyes. You held your arms up in mock surrender and smiled at him. “Go to sleep. I can do this. I had like ten hours of sleep and one cup of those awful nutritional shakes coach made us drink, I’ll be fine.”
“You sure?” You asked him, already putting your arms down at the table.
“Positive,” Jason softens. He shrugged off his black hoodie and draped your figure with it. It comfortably hugged your body and you let your raven hair splay across the table as you laid your head above your arms.
“Thanks, Jase,” you mumbled, giving him a small smile. He gave you one back as he picked up another cardboard vehicle and went back to work as you fell into a deep slumber.
☼☼☼
“Hey,” Jason shook you awake. “Wake up. It’s nearly time for our first period.”
“Huh?” You lift your head, feeling a tingling sensation on your arms and neck from its prolonged position. You stretched your arms and neck a bit before you looked at your project. “Oh. Wow.”
Jason scratched the back of his neck. “I thought I could do a third of it today. Apparently, I was wrong.”
You shoot him a smile. “It’s okay. We’re still like three or two days from the deadline. We can do this.”
“Yeah,” He smiled at you. That damn sweet smile that made you want to always be near him. “Maybe we can continue this tomorrow? Not in the mornings, though.” He shook his head. “But in the afternoon. Practice only runs for an hour tomorrow. Maybe you could wait for me if that’s okay?”
“Yeah, of course, It’s okay,” You nodded, packing up your stuff.
“Great,” He beamed and you hoped it would last forever. “Then maybe we could go somewhere else to do it.”
“Does my house sound good?”
“Yeah, it’s okay.”
“Good.”
A comfortable silence fell as the two of you packed up your supplies. You, organizing the supplies in your bag and Jason was neatly shoving his in his bag.
“Oh, Y/N.”
“Yeah?” You looked at him.
He scratched the back of his neck, keeping his gaze away from you. It was not like him to not look at you when speaking. He was usually the one who would always keep eye contact. It’s a part of his leadership demeanor, you guess. “Here.”
He handed you a snickers bar. You furrowed your brows in confusion. “What’s this for?”
“I usually keep one in my bag in case I ever get tired and sleepy,” He explained, a tinge of red coloring his soft cheeks. “I know you only got, like, a small amount of sleep. So take that.”
“Uhm,” You flipped the snickers bar in your hands over and over. You probably look like you’ve never seen a snickers bar before, but that was only because his gesture surprised you. “Thank you,” you shot him the most grateful-looking smile you could muster, which was not much in your sleepy state.
“No problem,” he met your eyes and smiled, his dimples showing. It was heavenly, you think, as you slung your bag over your shoulders. His hair was fixed now, not the messy kind it sports earlier, and you wondered how long it must have taken for him to make it look perfect that way.
You smiled at him again, picking up the diorama. You wobbled at first but gained balance as the diorama comfortably fit in your arms.
“Here, let me help you,” Jason offered, reaching for the diorama.
“Nah,” You shook your head. “I can handle this. If you haven't seen it, I’m a big girl. I can do this.”
“You sure?” Jason wrinkled his brow.
“Yeah, sparky,” You walked away with a smile on your face. “I’m sure.”
☼☼☼
Jason was without a doubt, the best athlete you’ve ever seen. The way he can run along the tracks like lightning, but still look perfect, enamored you in every way. He was shining as he ran along the tracks. He was in his element, and it was freeing to see him like that. Seeing him like that made you feel like attending his track meet later in the month. It makes you want to come with a big banner and outshine all those other girls cheering him.
“He’s pretty good, right?” Percy Jackson said beside you, shaking you out of your thoughts. He was also watching Jason train, his jet black hair wet from training for the swim team. He looks great, but not as great as Jason was with his smile as he ruffled his hair with a towel after practice.
“Yeah,” You nodded.
“So, how long have you and Jase been working on that project?” He asks.
“2 weeks, I think,” you answered. Percy hummed.
Three weeks ago, you were simply wishing for your junior year to be over. There was only a month left before spring break. And yet as the next week approaches, all of it suddenly went slow. At least you think it did. The days went faster as Jason and you got paired together to work on your diorama. You thought it would be awkward at first and that you’d end up doing the project all by yourself. Jason proved you wrong as he offered to help in any way he can, charming as ever.
Looking back, the past two weeks have gone well. Jason was a great partner - going out and beyond whatever was assigned to him. He was also a great friend. Spending almost the whole two weeks together, you think you got to know him pretty well. You know he likes his coffee hot, while you like yours iced. You know that his favorite hoodie was the black one he draped over you. You also know that he's secretly a swiftie. You smiled as you thought about Jason singing along to a Taylor Swift song that played on the radio once as he drove you over to your house a week ago to work on your diorama, which was halfway done then. He was humming along to the song before he started mouthing the lyrics. You told him it’s okay if he sings with a teasing smile. And he muttered a “Curse you, Annabeth and Percy,” before the two of you started singing along to the Taylor Swift song.
Since working on your project, Jason insists on driving you home if you worked on it outside the school in the afternoons. Though most times, the two of you did your project at your house. He even insisted on picking you up yesterday morning, but you declined, saying that your mother would drive you.
“So,” Percy scooted closer to you, the smell of pool chlorine hitting your nose. “You thinking about Jason and his oh-so-godly features?”
“Shut up,” You elbowed him, although you can feel your cheeks heating up. You weren’t exactly close with Percy but you did get to know him through Jason as he carpools with the both of you. Jason would always drop him off at Sally Jackson’s home fifteen minutes away from yours.
“Am I right or am I right?” Percy smiles proudly at himself.
“You’re wrong,” You ducked your head, just as Jason came.
Percy smugly grinned as Jason jogged over. Jason had his bag slung over one shoulder, with his hoodie hanging on his arm, holding a water bottle. He was breathless and sweaty, but he beamed when he saw you and Percy.
“You ready to go?” Jason asked as he took a swing out of his water bottle.
“Yeah,” you and Percy stood up. You started grabbing your stuff and the diorama, but Jason beat you to it.
“Come on, I can carry this,” Jason says, picking up the diorama and putting down his water bottle and hoodie on the bench. “Percy, you can carry my stuff.”
“Ugh,” Percy whined. “Why me? Why can’t Y/N do it?”
“Because-,” Jason started saying.
“You’re madly in love with her and you don’t want her getting tired? Oh, I get it,” Percy filled in, picking up Jason’s things with a teasing smile.
Jason turned around to protest, but you beat him to it, grabbing Jason’s stuff from Percy. “Here, I’ll carry it, you crybaby.”
Percy put a hand on his heart, feigning hurt, but he was enjoying it too much to drop the grin off of his face.
You rolled your eyes at his antics and followed Jason out of the field and into the parking lot.
“Hi, Jason,” Drew Tanaka, a pretty Asian girl with thick make-up, says. She strutted over to the three of you, leaving two of her friends behind to point and giggle at Jason.
“Hi, Drew,” Jason says, his voice flat, clearly wanting this interaction to be over.
“Don’t be cold, dear,” she twirled a piece of her curly hair. “I was wondering if you would like to join me and my friends at the mall today.”
You knew Jason wasn’t very fond of declining offers, but he shot you a look and straightened up. “No thanks,” He shot her a tight-lipped smile, adjusting the diorama in his arms. “Y/N and I have to work on our diorama.”
“Oh,” Drew faltered, checking you out. You fiercely stared at her back, not afraid to talk back when it comes to it. “Maybe next time, then.” She rolled her eyes and sashayed away from the three of you.
You breathed a sigh of relief as you thought the interaction with Drew would escalate. Percy snorted beside you, and you elbowed him. Jason smiled a bit, and you smiled too as you met his eyes.
“Y/N and Jason sitting in a tree-” Percy started singing.
“Shut up, Percy!” The two of you yelled at him simultaneously.
"Geez, you two!" Percy held his arms up in surrender. "You'd make a great couple. The two of you can't even take a joke."
"You're on thin ice, Jackson," Jason said beside you, narrowing his eyes on Percy who was walking beside you. "One more word and I'll leave you here."
“Okay, I’ll keep my mouth shut,” Percy made the motion of zipping his lips and gave the two of you a thumbs up. You chuckled as you rolled your eyes at his antics while Jason grabbed his car keys and opened his silver Toyota corolla.
“Shotgun!” You yelled, making your way towards the passenger side of the car, leaving Jason who was putting the diorama in the backseat.
“Aw, man! Why do I have to sit in the back? I’m older than the two of you!” Percy complained, climbing in once Jason settled the diorama inside.
“She called it,” Jason shrugged.
The drive home from your campus only takes half an hour, half of it was spent with Percy who couldn’t seem to keep his mouth shut. And another half was spent in comfortable silence with Jason or simple conversations about your day - some days he’d complain about Coach Hedge, other days you’d complain how much you hate math.
“The presentation for this diorama is tomorrow, right?” Percy asks in the backseat, leaning towards the middle of you and Jason.
“Yeah,” Jason said, keeping his eyes trained on the road as he drove. “Why?”
“Is this thing-” Percy pointed at the two of you. “Whatever it is between the two of you, going to continue?”
“What thing?” You asked the raven-haired boy.
“This friendship or budding romance I’m not sure,” Percy shrugged as you silently threw daggers at him. “Will this keep going? You know, the car rides home, the hangouts, and all those things the two of you do?”
You were silent as you contemplate whatever it is that has been going on between you and the blonde-haired boy beside you. The past two weeks have gone by so fast. At first, Jason started out as just this person who would pass by you and give you a smile, a sign of his chivalry. He’s always been the star athlete - someone who never really interacted with you before. And as the two of you started spending time together, the both of you just easily became friends - always slipping into casual conversations. Somewhere along the line he just started driving you home, save for days when he has his training, and you started becoming comfortable around him. Those casual conversations soon turned into deep talks, and late-night calls where Jason just got hit with all these ideas for your project and you end up talking until the early hours of the morning.
You realized it’s been a while and neither of you answered. You glanced at Percy and saw him still alternating looks at the both of you, while Jason was still keeping his eyes on the road, his hands tightly gripping the steering wheel.
“So,” Percy drawls out. “Are you two answering or do I have to figure it out myself?”
“Hey, Percy,” Jason called, looking at Percy through his rear-view mirror. “How are things going with you and Annabeth?”
Percy turned beet red, leaning back and crossing his arms like a big baby. “I-i, It’s going great, thank you very much for asking.”
“Not that great, huh?” You asked him.
“It could be great,” Percy shrugged. “If she’d let me have my blue coke, and let me take her out on another date. She’s been so focused on her studies lately, you know, aiming for Harvard or NYU next fall.”
Percy and Annabeth are both seniors, a year above you and Jason. They have been dating for over a year, after years and years of pining after one another. Percy and Annabeth are the school’s power couple - there’s no one who doesn’t know about them. Even you, who wasn’t that much involved with them, have heard stories of Percy and Annabeth. As far as you know, the two of them started out as childhood friends which turned into years of silently crushing on one another - neither of them making a move to move their relationship forward. It wasn’t until Percy’s mother got married last year that they started becoming a couple.
“Think of it this way, man,” Jason said. “By fall, you and Annie are both off to college in San Francisco. By next week, you would have your car back, and I won’t have to drop you off after school again, then you and Annie can go to wherever you want.”
“Aww, will you miss me when I get my car back?” Percy pinched Jason’s right cheek, but Jason swatted Percy’s hand away.
“No,” Jason says. “You’re annoying and I would be really happy if I won’t have to drop you off.”
“That sucks, man,” Percy said, putting a hand on his chest. “Will you miss Y/N when you don’t have to drop her off after tomorrow?”
“Percy, shut up,” You said, hugging your bag tighter. You weren’t sure if you want to hear Jason’s answer or if you want him to answer at all. Hearing a 'yes' from him would probably be good. Because you'll miss him too. You'll miss the way he talks - confident in all his words and not afraid to stand up for what he believes in. You'll miss the way he would randomly call you at night to start off with a random idea but end talking about all things under the sun. You'll miss the way he smiles, the way he glows, and the way his dimples just show. It's beautiful, you think. You just hoped that you and Jason would stay the same after this - he had become such a fixated part of your life these past few weeks just to leave after everything. Not to mention, the way you feel about him had unraveled into something more than the ' he's cute and I like him' phase.
“We’re here,” Jason announced, pulling into a stop in front of Percy’s house. The house was normal, but on the inside, Percy has told you countless stories how colorful it is - with his younger sister, Estelle’s, drawings on the walls, Mama Sally’s decorations of blue frames and vases, and Mr. Blofis’ colorful assortment of gifts from his students which he collected and displayed on a bookshelf over the years. It sounds like home and you could see the sparkle in Percy’s eyes whenever he talks about it.
“Goodbye to the two of you,” Percy opened the car door. “Here’s to wishing that tomorrow I’ll see the both of you holding hands if Y/N’s sitting at the front.”
“Goodbye, Percy,” Jason said, rolling his eyes, ready to put the car in reverse and drive away.
“Shut the door, Perce,” You yelled. Percy gave a small ‘aye, aye’ and shut the door as loud as he could.
"Sorry about him," Jason said when it was only the two of you left. "He likes to pry into things - thinks he's a matchmaker or something."
"Is he though?" You asked him. "A matchmaker or something?"
"Not by a long shot," Jason laughed. "It took him years just to figure out he's been in love with Annabeth for so long."
"I take it you had to kiss him so that he'll realize that," you said, laughing with him.
"No, not me," Jason shook his head. "It was Rachel Dare, someone he went out with years ago. Great girl though, just not the one for Percy."
"Well," you smiled. "I'm glad Percy has found the one."
"Yeah," Jason says. "I'm happy for him and Annie."
The faint sound of the radio was the only noise in the car as the two of you fell in the comfortable silence you found yourself enjoying with him. Something about just being in his presence just made you feel content. It feels like basking in the presence of someone warm - radiating light as if he has never seen the dark. It felt so great to have him at the moment that you wouldn't know what to do if you don't have him by the next.
"I have a question," You stated.
"Shoot," Jason said, his eyes fixed on the road.
You turned to face him, waiting to see his reaction to your question. "Is it better to have something amazing and lose it or never have it, to begin with?"
"I think-" Jason cleared his throat, looking at his hands on the steering wheel before it went back on the road again. It was a deep question, no wonder he was thinking deeply. "It's better to have something amazing and lose it."
"Why?" You stared at him. You looked away from him, seeing the light turn red as he stopped.
"Because," he looked at you intensely - not deep in thought but lost in it, as if he's thinking of the same thing over and over, wondering if it's the right thing to think about. "If I lose that amazing thing-."
He looked at you with such ferocity that your heart started hammering in your chest. His electric blue orbs weren't like the ones you've seen before. He looked at you the way one would gaze at the sky - in wonder, fondness, and longing - asking for things that maybe he wants but doesn't think he deserves. He looks at you the way that suddenly made you hyper-aware of everything - his black hoodie discarded in the back beside your diorama, the way his car smelled like the orange air freshener you once told him about, and the way his hair was fixed in all its glory than the messed up one yesterday. It made you feel seen and that suddenly you want to run and hide. But it also made you want to reach out and touch him, tell him you're right here and you won't go away.
"I think at least I still have the memories, the smiles," His eyes flicked towards your mouth that lifted a little bit when his gaze landed on it. "All those wonderful moments we shared together." He brought his eyes back to yours, not wanting to break whatever it is that's been going on. "At least that will keep me going. I won't wander around looking for something I've never known before. But rather look back at something I know and hold on to it for the rest of my life."
He looked at you like he has known something all along and will wait patiently for the right time to tell you what it is.
Suddenly, you don't want to be alone anymore. You want to be there in every game of his, cheering him on. You want to be there when he becomes superman - going out and beyond to help others. You want to be there in every milestone of his. You want to greet him every morning with a lazy smile and droopy eyes. You want to greet him at night when he's tired with a comforting movie or dance session that's sure to lift him up.
And just then a car beeped, making you and Jason jump away from each other as the car swerved.
“Do it later,” the man yelled from the other car. “The light’s green! God, you kids.”
You couldn’t help but let out a quiet laugh as Jason tightly smiled, nodding at the man before gripping the steering wheel and driving away.
Continuing the drive was like nothing ever happened before - as if the two of you weren’t about to kiss. It soothes you, but it also annoys you. Because, what if you two did it? What would it mean to your friendship with him? What if you kissed him and he didn’t like it? Surely, you don’t want to ruin whatever you both have.
☼☼☼
“Hey,” you grabbed Jason’s attention as you walked him back to his car after you've finished your diorama. “I’m really glad to have you as my partner.”
It was nearing dark and Jason’s strict father ordered him to come home. As much as you wanted him to stay a little while longer, you knew you couldn’t do much about it - especially not when you’ve already finished your diorama.
“Yeah,” Jason smiled at you. “I’m really glad to have you as my partner, too.”
“Well, I’m glad to hear that,” you smiled back at him. “Are you ready for the presentation tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” Jason breathed out, crinkling his eyes as he smiled. “Can’t wait for junior year to be over.”
“Me too,” was what you said, as you kicked dirt around your feet. “Can’t wait to be a senior and just be able to leave everything behind.”
You weren’t sure if you truly wanted to leave everything behind, after all, isn’t everything just starting to unravel for you? You wanted to ask him Percy’s question from earlier. You wanted to know his answer - maybe he’ll have one. You wanted to hear him say that he’ll miss you or he won’t because he’ll keep seeing you at school. You wanted him to say that he doesn’t want a thing to change between the two of you. Gods, you want to say that to him.
“Behind,” Jason repeated for a moment, a wistful look crossing his features, before shaking his head. “I better get going.”
“Take care,” you tightly smiled at him, though you weren’t sure why you felt as though your insides were clenching. “I’ll uh-” I’ll miss you.
“You’ll what?” He asks as he climbs in his car.
“Nothing,” you shook your head.
Shooting you a smile, he started his car and drove away, leaving you just as the streetlights were turned on. Maybe tomorrow you’ll have the chance to say everything you wanted to.
☼☼☼
“Hey,” Jason caught up to you. The two of you just presented your work - earning four out of five stars from your teacher and peers alike. It was a pretty decent score, exactly what you needed to lift your marks. “Just wanted to say great job and congrats. We both did a great job, didn’t we?”
“Yeah, we did,” you grinned at him. And he grinned back - making your heartbeat go a little bit faster. “Never knew we’d be able to do it, though.”
“Why not?” He asked, curiosity laced in his voice, his grin turning into a small smile. Gods, why did you even say that?
“You’re Jason Grace,” you gestured at him. “I thought you’d always be busy.”
“But I made time for you, didn’t I?” He smiled at you as one of his hands went to brush his hair back.
“Yeah, you did,” You clutched your notebook tighter in your hand, fidgeting with the pages. You so badly wanted to be the one to brush his hair back. “So, uh, where does this lead us?”
“What do you mean?” Jason’s eyebrows furrowed at you.
“I don’t really know,” you shrugged. “I’ve been getting all these things just by being around you. I don’t know how or when it started, but suddenly every time I’m around you, my heart just starts beating rapidly,” You took a shaky breath. “I mean everything you do - the way you talk, the way you walk and even say my name - gods, Jason, it made my heartbeat like I’m running a marathon. I think I don't want all of this - this dynamic between us - to change.”
You said it all - everything you’ve been feeling. He was quiet for a moment as he was trying to process all the information you probably dumped at him. It was all conveying three words. You should have just said it outright, you thought, instead of going off about rapid heartbeats.
“You like me?” Jason mumbled quietly, softly swaying as if he might lose his balance any moment.
“Yeah, Jase,” you smiled at him. “Is there any chance of this-” you gestured between the two of you. “Of us?”
Jason’s small sad smile made your heart drop. Maybe it wasn’t worth it saying all these things to him. You should have just kept it to yourself because now you feel like banging your head onto the nearest wall repeated times until everything goes numb. You feel like spending hours in the bath, wondering and dwelling on where you went wrong. He was close to kissing you yesterday, but why does it look like he just feels sorry for you?
“I’m so sorry, Y/N,” Jason shot you a sad smile. You were seriously getting annoyed off by his sad smiles. You should never have said anything just so he would have kept the grin he had just moments earlier.
“What about yesterday?” You asked him. “That moment we shared in the red light, weren’t we just about to kiss then?’
Jason closed his eyes and shook his head, afraid to say something that might hurt you even more.
“Or when you gave me your jacket and a snickers bar,” you taunted. “You never really felt anything? Not even an ounce of magic or some - gods forbid - sparks?”
“I really am so sorry, Y/N,” Jason squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head.
“It’s okay,” you let out a bitter laugh. Silly you for thinking you ever had a chance. “I shouldn’t have said something.”
“No, it’s not that,” Jason frowned, shaking his head. “It’s just I’m not really sure of what I feel right now. It’s all just very confusing. Spending time with you throughout these two weeks made me happy. It’s just really confusing. I need time.”
"What's confusing you, huh?" You burst, pointing a finger at him. "Is it confusing to say you'll miss me or - or you like me? Is it confusing you when you gave me your jacket or called me late at night just to ramble on and on?"
"Yes, Y/N," Jason ran his hands through his hair, messing it up by parting it in the middle. "I need time."
“Tell you what,” you pressed your lips in a thin line, doing everything you can to push down the lump that's on your throat. “If you decide by later - let me know. I’ll wait for you - shoot me a message, give me a call, or something. Yeah?”
“Yeah,” he nodded.
And then you were off, rushing to your next class just as the bell rang, pushing away everything that happened from your thoughts. It wasn’t easy as it gnawed at you every five seconds. You made it through though - repeatedly reciting the periodic elements just to bury your thoughts.
Minutes turned into hours and you knew you couldn’t hide away from your thoughts forever. You just feel like wrapping yourself in a plastic bag and just letting the soil take you in. Your hands were clammy as all those thoughts you’ve been pushing away for hours rapidly came to you - hitting you brick after brick after brick - as if you were invincible and could take all of it at once. But you couldn’t as you sink into the floor of your small bedroom and let the tears fall down.
You replayed all those times you spent with him - from passing him in hallways and shooting him a smile to his eyes flickering from your eyes to your lips then to him leaning in. Was it all just a game to him? He wasn’t like that, was he?
Gods, he’s Jason Grace - he’s the golden boy. The star. A living angel. He’s perfect in every way. You should have known better. You’ve never seen someone shine as he does with his blonde locks and angelic smile. You were so dumb for thinking someone like him who shines like the stars could have something for you.
Still, you waited for him - sitting in your windowsill for hours trying to do something yet it all came back to thinking about him. You chided yourself for letting him run your thoughts when he probably wasn’t even thinking about you. He could have been out with his friends tonight, probably already forgot about you. You weren’t special, you scoffed at yourself - you’re just another girl to add to his list of names who are throwing rocks at his window. To him, you’re probably just someone he can easily forget.
Why was he like that? How can he be so confusing and be able to control you like that? Gods, you were frustrated with yourself for letting him lead you on like that. It was already 3 am and still no sign of him - no blonde hair walking, nor a silver Toyota driving past. Nothing. How can he just make you think you could ever have a chance with him? One moment he was almost kissing you but next, he was saying sorry as if he didn’t mean that. Were all his smiles like that - leading you on until you manage to dig your own grave?
Against the betterment of yourself and your own thoughts, you still waited for him. Letting the time turn into 4 am and just thinking maybe he isn’t coming. You pulled your blanket tighter around you, the cold early morning air hitting you. Maybe it’s better if you actually just dozed off instead of waiting for him like the lunatic you are.
The pouring rain came just as the sun was barely rising - blocking out the sun's golden glow with its dark and gray clouds. Yet it wasn’t the sound of pouring rain that woke you up. It was the sound of something hitting your window.
“Y/N!” You heard Jason’s voice yell your name. And there he was, soaking wet beside his silver Toyota, throwing loose change on your window. “Wake up!”
You stood up, opening your window even though your cushion and pillows might get wet. Hell, you might even get wet. But you don’t care - because you just wanted him gone.
He can't just come in here and expect everything to be alright. Not when you waited up for him for hours and almost went crazy thinking about him.
"What, Jason? What is it this time?" You yelled down at him, though his figure was lost as the quick pouring rain blurred your vision.
"I need to talk to you!" He yelled back, cupping his hands on his mouth.
You shook your head, biting your bottom lip as tears threatened to fall. "What is there to talk about?"
"Everything!"
"No, Jason," You shook your head and tried to swallow the forming lump in your throat. "There's nothing to talk about. Please, just go away."
"But Y/N-" he protested.
"Just go away!" You yelled back. "Please," your voice cracked.
You thought it's all over. You thought he went inside his car to go home. You thought he went inside to grab an umbrella. But no, he went inside to grab more loose change - throwing it at you, straight to your face.
"Jason, Please," you yelled.
"No," determined, Jason threw another change at you, this time hitting your forehead.
"Ouch!" You rubbed the spot he hit you. "Stop it and just go home."
"No, I won't stop until you talk to me."
"Fine," you yelled as you turned around, slamming your window as hard as you can. You weren't sure if it was just your imagination or if he grinned up at you.
You just wanted all of it to be over - slam the door on his face and just go to sleep. But apparently, it's not that easy when you see him standing in front of you when you open your front door.
He was soaking wet - his clothes clung to him for dear life, his white shirt was almost see-through and you can see the lines that graced his toned abs. But you forced yourself to look away, choosing instead to focus on his blonde hair dripping wet onto your front steps. One thing that baffled you was his smile. It was that heavenly smile you'd always wanted to last. But now, you just want it gone. You want him gone.
"Why are you here?" You blankly asked him, although your bloodshot and puffy eyes could say otherwise.
"I told you," Jason bit his lip. "I want to talk to you."
"Please just go away," you told him, turning around to close the door on his face.
Jason stopped the door with his hands, "Give me one good reason to do so and I will."
You turned around crossing your arms, the lump in your throat forming yet again, "I waited, Jason. I waited for hours, going crazy because all you were giving me were mixed signals."
"Gods, Jason," you sniffled, wiping your nose with the sleeve of your jacket. "You can't just give me your jacket, or - or almost kiss me and tell me you're confused. Your eyes just can't wander into my lips and then tell me you're not sure. You can't just do all those things - lead me on, make me believe we have something - just for you to crush it," your voice cracked on the last line.
His features softened, and the smile on his lips turned into a frown. "Look, Y/N, I didn't know what came over me earlier. I didn't know why I said I'm confused - but I'm not. I got scared, Y/N. And I am so sorry."
He took a step towards you; you took a step back, raising a finger at him.
"Why now?" You felt your voice break. "Gods, Jason, it's been hours and you never thought of catching up to me at school or maybe even shooting me a text or something. Instead, you let me lose sleep, regretting the fact I ever told you anything."
"Y/N-," Jason started saying, but you stopped him from continuing with your words.
"I couldn't even bring myself to hate you," your voice was barely above a whisper as tears streamed down your face. "But I hated myself because I was the one who wanted nothing between us to change and yet I was the one to be stupid and said something. And now, look at where we are."
"You know I had this thought of us. I thought we could continue this whole charade thing with us dancing around each other, but apparently, you had other plans," Jason smiled and shook his head. "I guess I got surprised, and scared. Well, mostly scared. Because how are we going to move forward from here?"
"All those magic and rapid heartbeats you told me earlier? I feel it when I'm around you," Jason continued. "Damn it, Y/N. I was so dumb for saying I was confused. I'm not. I've known it all along. I know I was scared, maybe a bit in denial too. But it's here now. I'm here for you now."
You softened as you took a look at his face. His electric blue eyes were moist and his hands were shaking. It could be from the cold rain, you realize as the chilly air hits you, reminding you of the pouring rain around you.
"Why weren't you using an umbrella?" You asked him, shooting him a small smile.
He chuckled and shrugged. "I kind of forgot."
"Look, I'm sorry," you said as you came out to the front porch, closing the door behind you. You grabbed his shaky hands and held it tight. "I realized it wasn't fair how I expected you to like me back and know that you by nightfall."
"It's okay," he smiled at you softly, squeezing your hand. "I'm sorry for not being fair to you too and sending you mixed signals."
"It's okay," you kissed the back of his left hand.
When you looked at him after kissing his hand, you both shared a grin. That, with all things considered, everything is finally starting to make sense.
"You should go home now," you told him, still holding his hand.
He looked back at his car, watching the rain come pouring hard on it, and grinned back at you. "Maybe I should stay for a while."
"You can't," you started walking away. "You're soaking wet and you might get sick."
"Wow, Y/N," Jason grabbed your arm. "Already concerned for me this early in the relationship? Now, what did I do to deserve you?"
"Just made me cry for the whole night, that's all," you teasingly smiled at him.
"I'm sorry," he pouted.
"Nah, it's okay," you started pulling your arm away from him. "But you really should go home now."
Instead of letting go of your hand, he just pulled you closer to him - pulling you into a tight hug. "Yeah, I think I could stay like this."
You groaned into his chest as you can feel your clothes being soaked through his. "You can't." You struggled to push away as his arms only hugged you tighter. "I need my sleep. And we need to get changed."
"Fine," Jason sighed, kissing the top of your head. "I'll go home."
You shot him a small smile as he let go of you hug and walked back to his car.
You thought he was going home for real, but that boy must have had other plans as he walked straight into the middle of the street and grinned at you.
"What are you doing there?" You asked him. "Get away from there."
"Come out here with me," he said.
"I can't."
"Yes, you can," he motioned you to come forward. "Now, come on."
"I don't want to," you shook your head, crossing your arms above your chest.
Just then, a sound of thunder boomed, and you jumped a little from surprise.
"You're not scared of thunder, are you?" Jason grinned at you.
"And if I am, would you finally go home?"
"Hmm," Jason pretended to scratch his chin, then grinned. "Nope."
"What can I do to make you go home and get changed?"
Jason twirled under the rain, stomping on puddles around him, probably soaking his feet more. "Dance with me." He grinned at you.
"What?"
"Dance in the rain with me," he repeated. "Come on, I used to do this with my mom before. It's fun, I promise."
"Still a no."
"Fine, I'll dance by myself then," Jason said, swaying by himself in the middle of the street. He was lucky as it was the early hours of morning - no cars were passing and it was still raining. The sky was still gray, although you were starting to see the faint light of the sun as each minute passed.
"Okay, you little baby," you laughed, walking towards him, not even caring about the pouring rain anymore. Even as the raindrops hit you and soak your clothes, you were still walking towards him. Even as the rain turned your hair damp, you could care less as you met his grin across from you.
You can probably just take a double of your vitamins later.
When you stopped in front of him, Jason smiled at you and offered you his hand.
You took his hand, not caring if it was pouring hard or you're both in the middle of the street.
You watched as he tried to figure out where his hands should go, shooting him a smile as he placed one on your neck. You laughed as he shook his head, causing water to sprinkle on your face. You rubbed your face first before Jason placed an arm on your waist, the other following suit.
Then, he dropped his hands. You were confused for a moment before he grabbed yours from your sides and brought it up to wrap around his neck.
You swayed with him, softly, as if a slow song was faintly playing on the radio. He hummed a familiar song. You recognized the song he was humming - one of the old songs your grandma would always play before she passed - and hummed along. You were enjoying your time with him even though the pouring rain was making it hard to move as graceful as slow dances are. The pouring rain was soaking you and Jason, yet the two of you didn't mind as you slow danced in the middle of the street in the wee hours of the morning - the sky gray from the rain and the smell of wet soil wafting your sense of smell.
Yet you still swayed. Not caring if the only sounds you could hear are Jason's humming and the hard raindrops as it comes into contact with the concrete streets. You didn't care if you're soaking wet or you both look like lunatics. You didn't care if you might get sick tomorrow. But you care as you heard his uneven breathing. You care as his eyes flickered back and forth between your eyes and your lips as if debating what to do.
And then he stopped.
“Is it okay if I, uh,” Jason brushed back a wet strand of your hair behind your ear, flicking his eyes over to your lips for a moment before it rested upon your eyes. “Kiss you?”
“Yeah,” you said, reaching up to brush his wet blonde hair back, resting your hand behind his neck. “It’s more than okay.”
Jason leaned down, cupping your cheeks, and pulling you in for a swoon-worthy kiss. It was sweet and soft, and his lips were wet from the rain. But you didn't care as you wrapped your arms tightly around his neck, your fingers threading itselves into his blonde locks.
It seemed like forever, but it was only a moment before the two of you pulled away from one another - breathing hard. His hair was dripping wet as he rested his forehead on yours, giving your nose a little kiss there.
You can still feel his warm breath as you pulled him in for another kiss. "You know I like you."
"Yeah," Jason smiled into the kiss. "I like you too."