Work Text:
—🖤—
Brotherhood.
Minho loved his brother. He loved hanging out with him on his vacations and causing havoc in grocery stores aisles or at the mall fountain. He loved getting into arguments and holding his brother after his breakups for comfort. He loved his warmth. And his comfort. And he loved the way his brother would smile through whatever came their way.
Loved.
Minho loved having a brother. A little brother. Minho was happy to grow with him and take care of his brother when he needed him. And he was glad his brother did the same for him, even if he was the older one. They took care of each other.
Loved—.
Minho drew a breath as he lay the photograph of his brother and himself onto his desk, crossing his arms over his chest as his eyes scanned the photos and items scattered around.
Brotherhood was special, but Minho didn’t realize it was so fleeting.
Death was an asshole. Why would death come knocking for someone so young so suddenly? He wasn’t sick. He wasn’t in any accident. He wasn’t killed and he didn’t hurt himself? Why did death have to come for him at random?
Sudden cardiac arrest.
Minho closed his eyes in thought.
His brother was really athletic and energetic. But it happened... more often than it should. It was random. Unexpected and cruel. Heartless. One minute his brother was running up a hill racing a friend for fun, and then the next moment he was on the ground, dead.
Minho brought a hand to his temple before running his fingers through his hair. He hadn’t been there. He wasn’t there for him. Minho should have been there. To help. To do anything, something. Even if he didn’t have any way to help.
He felt useless.
Minho opened his eyes and uncrossed his arms, digging back into the box of photos and letters that his brother had in his dorm room.
It was just Minho and him. It was always just them. So of course they gave Minho his belongings.
It stung.
Minho pulled out another photo, a bitter smile crossing his face as his brother sat wide eyed in front of a statue with his boyfriend, his little brother looking happier than he ever remembered him ever looking with Minho.
Minho's little brother was so happy with Changbin . Minho studied the photo, his brother's smile reaching his eyes and Changbin doing the same. They were so happy together.
And that was all taken away.
Both of those smiles died the day his brother did.
Minho remembered the funeral. He’d never seen faces that glum around him. He’d never experienced so much hurt in one place. And despite his friends trying to console him, nothing was as comforting as his younger brother.
No jokes were as funny as his brothers.
No hugs were as warm.
Nothing could replace the happiness that Minho’s younger sibling provided.
“Fuck...” Minho murmured as he wiped his eyes with his sleeve.
It had been a month. He shouldn’t still be so easily broken down. But god, he really missed Jeongin . They were so close. Best friends.
Minho dug back into the box, smiling at the love letters he dragged out, loving the way Changbin would coat the envelopes in stickers and hearts.
God. They were so cute. They were so fucking cute. Minho loved their relationship. Even if he failed in all of his, Jeongin and Changbin had given him hope.
And now that was gone.
Minho bit his lip, respecting his brother's privacy as he ignored the envelopes until stumbling upon a folded paper with a piece of blue tape, the word bucket list Scribble in sharpie across the tape.
He wouldn’t open Jeongin’s letters with his boyfriend, but he couldn't resist this particular paper.
Bucket list?
Minho pondered, he remembered Jeongin mentioning a bucket list in the past. But he didn’t know he’d actually written one up.
Even if this was just a joke—no, nothing in this box was a joke. Jeongin kept his precious memories in this box. So this was precious?
Minho peeled the tape carefully, unfolding the paper that had dates and eraser marks all over the page. Scribbles of things he wanted to do, some crossed off already.
“Jeongin...” Minho sat upright, smiling at the obvious things like skydiving and traveling to Italy—both things he’d done with Changbin before his death.
Minho was glad he had that.
Travel to LA. Minho frowned at that one. Jeongin never got to go.
Go to the Grand Canyon. A place lots of people dreamed of visiting in America for some reason. Minho never cared much, but Jeongin had mentioned yelling into the Grand Canyon with Changbin someday.
Make it to 100. Minho found himself crying again, reading over the silly things Jeongin had written.
His brother was dead. He’d never get to finish.
Minho found himself curled into his bed, blankets wrapped around him as he held his pillow to his face. He felt pathetic for being this way. Jeongin wouldn’t want this for him. Would anyone? Everyone knew how close they were. Everyone checked up on Minho all the time. People genuinely cared.
God. He felt so silly.
Minho sat himself up, rubbing at his eyes as there was a knock at his apartment door.
It was only noon. It could have been anyone.
Maybe it was his best friend, Chan, with more cake from that bakery. Or maybe it was Soyeon with take out. It could be the landlord with another gift basket too. It could be anyone.
Minho didn’t expect to see Changbin.
It wasn’t that they hadn’t seen each other since Jeongin’s death. It was just hard. Changbin knew that Jeongin’s favorite person was Minho. And Minho knew that Jeongin’s favorite person was Changbin.
“Hey.” Minho set a mug of warm tea on his coffee table as he settled onto the couch beside Changbin, “you can take whatever you’d like. I didn’t think you’d come by...”
“When you mentioned picking up his things... I guess I just couldn’t resist.” Changbin’s voice was low, laced in sullenness that made Minho’s chest hurt.
“I could have sent them to you. I said I would leave them with Chan.”
Changbin turned to offer a weak smile, “it’s okay, I couldn’t wait.”
Looking at Changbin hurt. And looking at Minho must have hurt too. They were both hurting so badly.
“Well... everything is in my room. On the desk. I didn’t read anything personal. Not really.”
Changbin hummed as he took a sip of the tea, “you’ve always been really good about that stuff. There’s nothing incriminating besides our plot to take over the world.”
Minho couldn’t fight the small smile, “you two could have taken the world easily.”
“Yeah... we could have.” Changbin set the mug down with a sigh, “show me?”
Minho nodded, leading Changbin into his room where the contents of the box were half organized and half scattered.
“Lots of keychains and letters. I didn’t read them again—.”
“I know you wouldn’t.” Changbin smiled before taking a deep breath and looking into the box.
“I’ll go—.”
“What’s this?” Changbin asked softly, holding up the paper that Minho hadn’t closed since the tape wouldn’t stick again.
“Oh...” Minho bit his bottom lip, “I guess a bucket list. Most of it is scratched out...”
“I remember Italy.” Changbin whispered, a tiny smile settled at his lips, “Jeongin tried to speak in an Italian accent and an old lady whacked him with her cane.”
Minho smiled at that, “of course he did.”
“God... Italy was so fun.”
“He loved it. He wouldn’t stop talking about it.” Minho added as Changbin ran his fingers over the few items not marked, “he always said I should have gone traveling more.”
Changbin lowered the list, turning to face Minho, “you still can.”
Minho shook his head, “I’m too busy and—.”
“I mean, we should.”
Minho studied Changbin for a moment, “we?”
“There’s... there are only a few things left on his list. We should finish them.”
Minho winced, “he wanted to go to the Grand Canyon... with you.”
Changbin nodded slow, “yeah... maybe we could go for him.”
“Are you sick or something?” Minho laughed, discomfort rising in his chest.
“No... I’m serious.”
“You’d want to go to America...?”
“Why not?”
“English...?”
“I know enough. You don’t have to know much to enjoy a giant canyon, Minho.”
“You should go. I have... I’m so busy?”
“I think if his two favorite people went, he’d be happy. Don't you think?”
That stung.
“Changbin...”
“Right? And maybe it would be healing. We can rent one of those RV’s and travel around a little bit. He wants to go to LA. It would be... like a couple days on the road and then the Grand Canyon. And then we come back home and Mark these off for him.”
Minho drew a breath, “I don’t know...”
“If you really don’t want to... it’s okay. But it would be nice, right?”
Nice. Healing.
Minho needed a vacation. He hadn’t had one in over a year. And he’d been working non stop since Jeongin died.
“It wouldn’t be weird? Going on a trip across the world with your...” he wasn’t an ex, “your late boyfriends brother?”
Changbin laughed, “my friend. We’re friends...”
Friends .
Minho bit into his lower lip, “okay... okay yeah. I’ll try to claim vacation and—.”
“Great. It’ll be good. Not just for us but...” Changbin glanced up to the ceiling, “I think Jeongin would be happy too. Maybe he’ll travel along with us.”
Minho winced at that, “maybe...”
Maybe .
Maybe turned into definite. Two months later, Minho and Changbin were boarding a plane to America. He found it easy to grab a couple of weeks of vacation since he’d lost his brother. And Changbin was the same. Vacation was easy. Taking time away was easy.
Explaining to friends and family that they’d be going together was even taken well. Supported.
Chan told Minho that going would be honorable to Jeongin. Changbin’s parents applauded them for doing what they were doing too. People were treating them like heroes or something.
It was odd. But nice, it was really nice to know that people close to them were supporting their journey to fulfill Jeongin’s bucket list. Minho figured it would be the opposite. That people would think Minho and Changbin traveling to America would be weird.
But thankfully, it wasn’t weird at all.
But the plane ride was weird. But maybe that was because Minho had never been in one before.
“You’re not used to planes, are you?” Changbin whispered as Minho adjusted in his seat by the window, staring out at the cloud.
“No. I’ve never been on a plane before.” He whispered, pupils shaky.
“Well,” Changbin took out his mini notepad where he’d written down lists of English words and phrases for their trip, turning the page to a blank one, “wanna play tic tac toe with me?”
Minho smiled at that, beating Changbin more than half the time as they played the game for hours. They had hours anyways. Thirteen or fourteen hours on the plane.
They had so much time.
Another hour of their game, two movies later, and a dinner that could have been better, and Minho was dozing off, head back against the headrest as Changbin snored softly beside him.
Minho let his eyes flutter shut, images of his brother filling his dreams. Times they played when they were kids, and then fights they’d have, and the one time they fought over a boy who turned out to be disinterested in both of them. Silly memories. Lots of silly little dreams bouncing around Minho’s skull.
But he loved them. He loved seeing Jeongin again. His happy, smiley dork of a little brother.
He missed Jeongin so badly. If he could have traded places with him, he would have. Jeongin had so much to live for. Minho was... living. But he was just living. Living paycheck to paycheck in his apartment. He wasn’t happy with his job. He failed in his relationships. He had friends, but he didn’t have a lover. He was... Minho should have gone first.
Jeongin shouldn’t have died. Not yet.
It should be him next to Changbin on the plane, not Minho. Jeongin should have been the one screaming into the Grand Canyon and seeing the marvels of LA. Not Minho.
But for Jeongin, Minho would do this.
He’d do anything for him.
—🖤—
Minho felt comfort in landing. And he knew he’d have to return to Korea on a plane, but for now he was safe on land.
And the food? The food was ten thousand times better than the food on the plane.
“I told you that their burgers were awesome.” Changbin laughed as he took a bite of his own burger, sighing happily as he swallowed his food down.
“How many times have you been here?” Minho asked, wiping his mouth either a napkin as he took a few fries to his mouth.
“Ah,” Changbin sipped his soda through the straw, “a few times. My dad would travel here for work all the time and he’d bring my sister and I. I think I’ve been to LA about... six times?”
“Wow... I’ve never, you know I’ve never left the country let alone the town.” Minho laughed awkwardly, “I really should have.”
“Well, we’re here now. For Jeongin.” Changbin added, taking another bite of his sandwich while Minho did the same.
For Jeongin.
LA was beautiful. Also a tad noisy and somewhat gross in places, but Minho guessed that was just the charm. People here seemed a little hopeful, some hopeless. It was interesting.
“It sucks Jeongin never got to come.” Minho sighed as they walked down the street, bustling activity around them at every turn.
“He wanted to. He talked about it a lot. He was more interested in the Grand Canyon than the city tho.”
“Are we really renting an RV and driving there?” Minho laughed, running his hand through his hair as a group of seemingly college-aged women gave him flattering looks.
Changbin snickered, glancing behind before shaking his head, “you’d do so well out here, Minho.”
Minho's face heated at that, “ah, they probably just noticed I wasn’t American or something.”
“They were only looking at you, Minho.” Changbin snorted, “they looked like they were going to faint.”
Minho bit his lower lip, “they just see my face I guess.”
Changbin frowned, “I didn’t mean it that way.”
“No, I know.” Minho unbuttoned a couple of buttons on his button up shirt, “I know what you meant, it’s okay.”
Minho knew he was... he was attractive. Though Changbin was too. But Minho knew he was... different he guessed? People didn’t seem to think he was real. Maybe it stung a little sometimes. He was just a pretty face to people, but then again he figured he didn’t have much else to offer.
Maybe that was just self loathing talking.
“Ah, it’s huge.”
“Well I had to get one with a nice enough bathroom.”
“Oh, no motels?”
“I mean... it would be weird getting a motel with your boyfriend's brother, right?”
Boyfriend's brother . Not even Changbin knew what to call them. He wasn’t a widower. But he also wasn’t an ex.
“So we’re going to be sleeping together in an RV instead?” Minho laughed in response, following Changbin into the space that was nice enough.
“There’s a bed and a small couch. We can take turns.”
Minho nodded, opening the empty cabinets with a sigh, “this is all new to me.”
“Me too. Me and Jeongin had this really fancy hotel back in Italy. But he always wanted to come here and go across the country. I figure LA to the Grand Canyon wouldn’t be so bad for us to do for him. He'll appreciate it.”
Minho took a deep breath, sliding down into the couch as Changbin started to unpack his bag.
Two weeks of vacation. He’d spend a week or so in America. And then he’d spend the rest at home. Gathering his thoughts and resting. It was a good plan, he thought.
After unpacking, they slept. Changbin took the couch first as he insisted Minho needed proper sleep from his first plane ride. And it wasn’t so bad. It was a little weird, sleeping here. But nice. At least that’s what Minho thought.
By the early evening they were back on the go. Changbin insisted on dinner and sightseeing. The dinner was nice. And LA was nice.
Minho couldn’t see the appeal in living out here however. LA was big and noisy. He wasn’t sure how people could stand the constant movement. And Minho had heard a lot about LA. And it was spectacular. But not home. Not in the slightest.
“Hey Minho, why did you never travel?” Changbin asked while they walked down Sunset Boulevard while ironically, the sun began to set. A beautiful sight.
“No time.”
“None of your friends ever wanted to travel?”
Minho bit his lip in thought, “Well, Chan wanted to drag a bunch of us to Australia one year. But I chickened out.”
“What about your exes?”
“My exes...” if anyone else had asked besides Chan or Changbin, he would have been upset, “not really. They kinda liked dangling me around like I was a fancy watch.”
“Minho...”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be so—.”
“What I said earlier. I’m sorry if it felt objectifying. You know I would never mean it that way.”
Minho took a deep breath, “no, you didn’t do anything wrong. I promise. But uh... I don’t know. They thought of me more like... for show I guess. To impress their friends and the people around them. I fell for it too often.”
“Well, I’d never do that.”
Of course he wouldn’t. Changbin wasn’t a scummy ex. He was a good man. A great boyfriend to Jeongin. Jeongin only complained about stupid things that people complain about when they’re mad at their boyfriends. Jeongin never had a vile thing to say about Changbin.
“Thank you.”
Changbin pulled Minho aside to watch the sunset, the two of them just staring at the horizon as the orange waves took over the sky.
It was beautiful. The sky. The air. Everything.
Minho couldn’t help but feel absolutely enamored with his surroundings. The light breeze that whipped his cheeks.
The company .
“Jeongin would have loved this.” Minho whispered to break the silence.
“Yeah... do you like it?” Changbin asked suddenly, causing Minho to offer a nod.
“Yeah, I do.”
Jeongin deserved to be here.
And soon they were back in the RV, both yawning and rubbing their eyes full of exhaustion.
Minho collapsed into the bed with a huff, curling into the fresh sheets and sighing at the warmth of the summer heat across his skin.
He might miss leaving this city tomorrow. But their goal was the Canyon. Though they could stay here a whole week and still not get bored, Minho and Changbin wanted to go to the Canyon. Besides the trip would take a day or maybe even two with stops.
They wanted the Canyon. For sure.
—🖤—
Minho woke up to the smell of eggs, crawling from his place to stumble from the RV bedroom, smiling at his friend who was standing by the stove.
“Hey you, it’s a little after ten but I figured we should eat before we hit the road.”
Minho nodded, sliding into the RV booth, laying his head in his arms as he watched Changbin scramble the eggs and fiddle with the toaster oven he must’ve paid extra for.
“How much was this thing?” He asked curiously, Changbin wagging his finger as he took a piece of toast from the toaster to slide to Minho’s mouth, Minho taking the piece with a snicker.
“Enough. I thought if Jeongin and I ever got to come here, we’d rent the nicest one we could. And this one was it.” He explained as he kept scrambling the eggs, “the best... you know?”
The best for Jeongin.
“Yeah, the best.”
Changbin took a seat beside Minho, the two plates of scrambled eggs and toast giving Minho warmth.
“Jeongin and I used to make our parents breakfast when we were kids.” Minho whispered as he took a fork to his eggs, “all the time. We would destroy the kitchen.”
Changbin focused on Minho, “he used to say you guys were a chaotic duo. I mean, from what I saw, you were.”
Minho smiled weakly, “man... even after our parents funeral we just cracked jokes while we were sobbing on the way home.”
“You guys were like that.”
“He was really good at lightening the mood. I would have shut down if it wasn’t for him. I’m not a very good big brother, huh?” Minho laughed softly, “I swear he took care of me more than I took care of him.”
“He loved you a lot. And I know that you took good care of him too. Whenever we’d have fights I know he’d go out and get drunk at bars... you’d always bring him home.”
Minho sighed.
“You guys took care of each other. You were so... inseparable. Even when I wanted to drag him away for a while, he was always clinging back to you the first chance he got.”
Minho ate slowly, “he got really clingy and cautious when our parents died. I swear I couldn’t get him onto the bus for months. He was so scared that...” Minho paused, wiping his mouth with a napkin, “that the bus would crash.”
Changbin patted Minho’s shoulder, “you’re a good brother.”
“I guess. I was...”
Changbin parted his lips to speak before frowning instead.
They didn’t talk much after that. After they ate they got dressed and prepared for their trip.
Minho figured it would be a couple of days before they reached the Grand Canyon, so he’d get as comfortable as possible while he wasn’t the one driving. He hoped Changbin would do the same on his turns to rest.
America was interesting. The landscape of this area was definitely stunning. Minho hadn’t really seen such vast desert before. It was beautiful. The whole place was just... riveting. Minho could stare out at the sky forever.
With the soft tunes on the radio, and the sound of wind flapping from their windows, they were at peace. Minho even stuck his hand out, the air hitting his palm and cooling him against the warm heat of the blaring sun.
“Apple valley.” Minho whispered as they passed a sign for the county.
Changbin laughed, “cute name.”
Minho nodded, watching the landscape as Changbin drove, “it is cute.”
“If you’re hungry, we have apples by the way. I stopped at the store this morning when you were passed out. Hence the eggs.” Changbin laughed, turning up the radio.
Minho just shook his head as he rested against the frame of the window, the air brushing across his forehead, “maybe later.”
Maybe later. Maybe later turned into nightfall. When Minho woke up Changbin was patting his chest, pulled over at a rest stop.
Minho yawned and stretched himself, noticing the blanket that had been draped over him. Changbin must have done that while he was passed out again.
“You keep passing out, maybe you shouldn’t drive.” Changbin teased as he left the drivers seat to head towards the door, stretching himself as he hopped out of the RV.
After a pout and another stretch, Minho was following, hands in his hoodie pocket as Changbin waved Minho to follow him towards the rest stop building.
Fast food restaurants and gift shops. It was big. Really nice inside. And bright.
So bright that Minho was blinking every time he glanced up towards the ceiling.
“You want to look at the gift shop?” Changbin asked with a big bright smile.
“Is that why we stopped here?” Minho asked, still trying to keep his eyes open.
“That, and to sleep for the night.”
Minho murmured before feeling Changbin’s fingers lacing into his own, startling him slightly.
“Let’s go look for some cheesy gifts to take back home.”
Minho allowed Changbin to pull him into the gift shop, noticing how much memorabilia surrounded the place. Mugs, T-shirts, figurines.
“Magnets... people still buy those?” Minho asked as Changbin pulled a magnet with California spread across it.
“If by people you mean me, then yes!”
“You’re kidding.” Minho laughed, barely registering that Changbin was still holding his hand.
Minho glanced down, looking peculiarly at Changbin’s fingers before hearing Changbin clear his throat.
“I don’t want you getting lost. It’s busy here.”
Minho snickered to himself, “I’m not a toddler.”
“You’re also on the verge of passing out again. I’d rather keep you close.”
“You’re so much like him...” Minho scoffed as Changbin dragged Minho towards a stand of stuffed animals, “you and him treat me like a kid.”
Changbin laughed at that, “ah, Jeongin said you’d always get lost in stores and panic cause you couldn’t find your mom.”
“I was seven.”
“Uh-huh, and when you lost Jeongin inside of the store two years ago and panicked?”
Minho parted his lips to speak before shaking his head with a laugh, “I won’t get lost in here.”
“I’m still gonna hold your hand.”
Cute.
Minho shook off his incoming thoughts before being dragged again, this time towards the checkout counter, Minho grabbing a pack of gum and lotion and sliding it onto the counter with the various items Changbin had grabbed.
“Did you find everything you were hoping for?” The woman at the counter smiled, speaking something Minho couldn’t make out entirely. But he got the gist.
“We did, thanks.” Changbin replied. Minho could make out what he said at least.
“Would you like to try out new couples keychains by any chance?” Too fast. Her voice was so uppity he couldn’t keep up.
Minho noticed Changbin’s expression change, the man stammering over his words and shaking his head, “n-no we aren’t a couple.” Too fast and too low for Minho to catch.
“Oh I’m so sorry!” Why was the lady apologizing?
“It’s fine!”
Minho furrowed his brow, the lady giving him a big grin as she handed Changbin the bag.
“What was she saying sorry for?” Minho asked as the vacated the gift shop, Changbin’s hand still wrapped around Minho’s as they made their way to a small pizza place at the end of the building.
“Ah, nothing.” Changbin slipped his hand from Minho’s, biting at his bottom lip, “just a misunderstanding.”
“Was she being... was it because of how we look?” Minho gave Changbin a worried look. The lady seemed nice. He hoped she hadn’t done or said anything... offensive.
“N-no nothing like that. She thought we were together.”
Minho arched his brow, “together? Like...” ah, “oh, dating?” Minho laughed at that, “is it because we were holding hands?”
“Yeah men don’t really hold hands with their friends here.” Changbin added, his face flushed of color.
“Ah... I guess it’s different here.”
“Yeah...”
Minho studied Changbin a moment, “are you okay?”
The line moved up, Changbin moving like a zombie.
“Changbin?”
“What?” Changbin turned slightly, eyes wide.
“Are you okay?” Minho repeated, getting a slight nod from the shorter man.
“I’m fine. Just getting a little tired I guess. Once we order, can we head back to the RV?”
“Yeah... sure.” Minho slipped his hands back into his pocket as the line moved slowly, noticing the slight tension.
Had what that woman said really bothered Changbin that much or something?
“Did she say anything homophobic?” Minho asked after Changbin had placed their order.
“No, she didn’t. She just offered us some couples items.”
Minho exhaled, “you just seem more bothered.”
“I’m not...”
“Did it remind you of him...? Somehow?” Minho asked worriedly, “I’m sorry if she brought up some bad thoughts—.”
“No. It wasn’t that. It’s not that at all.”
“Then what? You can tell me.”
Changbin shook his head, “it’s nothing I swear. I think I’m just tired.”
Minho let it go. He had to, anyways. Changbin clearly didn’t want to talk about it. And that was fine. Maybe he’d never know.
Once they were back in the RV things had settled some, Changbin and Minho eating peacefully. But it was too quiet. Really quiet actually.
“Changbin,” the younger man looked up from his phone, chewing down his pizza, “you take the bed. You don’t look so good.”
“I always look good.” Changbin teased, obvious tension in his voice.
“Is it the couch?” Minho asked, “I sat on it earlier and it’s really... not comfortable.”
“It’s not the couch.”
“The bed is comfortable. I melted into the bed earlier, actually.”
Changbin rubbed the back of his neck with a sigh, “you’ll hate the couch too.”
“The bed is huge.”
“I’ll take the couch—.”
“Why? What did she say that made you so weird around me?” Minho asked worriedly, “I couldn’t make it out but... you said she didn’t say anything rude? She just thought we were together.”
“It’s nothing, Minho.”
“Was this a mistake?”
Changbin furrowed his brows again in hurt, “why would this be a mistake?”
“Was it the thought of being with me or something that is making you so weird? We’re just friends... it’s not a big deal.”
Right?
“It’s nothing like that, Minho.”
“Okay cool... so then you can take the bed. I’ll sleep on the other end. We used to sleep in the same bed all the time with—.” Minho stopped, settling his pizza back into the box as he offered Changbin a worried look, “is it Jeongin?”
“No, Minho... I’ll sleep in the bed.”
“You miss him? I mean fuck, I miss him too but—.”
“It’s not that either.”
So then what the fuck was it?
Minho bit his lip as he watched Chanbin close, “I don’t want this trip to be awkward, Changbin.”
“It’s not. I’m just... you’re right. It’s the bed. I didn’t sleep great and I’ve been driving all day. I’m just... not feeling great.”
“I’m sorry.”
Changbin was lying, wasn’t he?
“There’s nothing to be sorry for, eat your pizza.” Changbin tried to tease, words stammering as he gave Minho a slight tap to the shoulder with his fist.
Minho wouldn’t pester him anymore. Maybe he wasn’t feeling well.
Time would tell.
Changbin was being so awkward. As Minho curled into his side of the bed he could feel the stiff vibe beside him. Something was up, he just couldn’t pinpoint it. Changbin was tense. Suddenly he wanted to stay far from Minho. Had that lady's assumption startled him that much? Was it because Minho was who she thought Changbin was dating? It wasn’t, right?
God. Minho's head spun as he turned slightly, noticing the elder staring up at the ceiling, hand clasped over his stomach.
For fuck sake.
“What happened, Changbin?”
Changbin turned slightly, “nothing. I promise.”
“Are we going to go back to normal tomorrow? I’m sorry she thought we were together...”
“Stop apologizing. I’m not mad.” Changbin whispered back, “just get some sleep, okay? Everything is fine.”
“Jeongin loves you...” Minho frowned, wrapping his arms around his pillow.
Changbin’s expression faltered slightly before he rolled over, back facing Minho.
Oh?
Minho ignored it. He rolled onto his own side with a sigh before dozing off.
—🖤—
No fancy breakfast. Just an apple and a steering wheel. Minho drove in silence for hours, the desert starting to get to him as he passed sign after sign. Maybe if they kept this up, they’d reach the Canyon sooner than they imagined.
But it was too quiet. And it was too weird.
And it was starting to rain. Which was apparently not common for the desert. At least that’s what Minho had read.
“Did I do something, Changbin?” Minho asked finally, passing the Arizona sign. They’d been driving for hours. And Minho couldn’t handle the silence anymore.
“What?”
“You won’t talk to me...”
“I told you it was nothing.”
Minho bit his lip again, so hard he would probably make it bleed, “you just... what did I do?”
“You didn’t do anything.”
“So then why are you being so quiet with me? What did I do to make you so off-standish?”
“Minho it’s not a big deal—.”
“Was what she said that bad?”
“Jesus, Minho. Can we not?”
Minho inhaled sharply, “I’m not being unreasonable. You’re just giving me the silent treatment and I have no idea what I did to you.”
“Fuck, Minho it’s not you. It’s me.”
“Well then what the fuck did you do?!” Minho asked, raising his voice slightly.
“You just—.”
“So it is me.”
Changbin grit his teeth, “it’s not fair.”
“What’s not fair?” Minho asked, watching the road ahead.
“You.”
Minho winced before glancing to the side of the road, pulling the RV over as rain smacked the windshield, “me?”
Changbin released a heavy sigh, bringing a hand to his face as if he was exasperated.
“What the hell did I do?”
“Minho you didn’t do anything wrong I’m just—.”
“So what’s so unfair about me? I’m not understanding what I did?”
“You fucking...”
“I fucking what?!”
Changbin turned slightly, watching Minho with tense eyes before unbuckling his seatbelt, “you fucking exist.”
What?!
Changbin opened the side door, slamming behind as he left the RV, Minho turning off the engine with a growl and following the younger man out.
What the fuck was he talking about?!
“Hey!” Minho called after as Changbin walked along the fucking desert road, not making any attempt to slow himself down, “what the fuck did I do to you?”
Changbin kept on.
“Fucking—is it because he’s dead and I’m not or something?!” Minho cries out, Changbin finally halting, Minho stopping a few feet behind as the rain started to pick up.
“Is that it? You aren’t here with him? I’m sorry you’re not here with him, okay?! I didn’t suggest this, you did!” Minho shouted through his stressful tears that were clouding his vision, “if I could have switched places with him I would have.”
Minho's chest hurt. And suddenly so did everything else as the rain drenched him.
“I’m sorry for what she said... I’m so sorry he isn’t here anymore. I’m sorry, Changbin.”
Changbin looked up, his fists clenched like he was angry before he turned.
Minho flinched as he got close, awaiting a punch or something. Anything.
Not this.
Minho didn’t expect this.
Changbin grabbed either side of Minho’s face, their lips pressed together so suddenly that Minho was frozen in place.
He didn’t expect this. Not ever.
Changbin didn’t hate Minho.
He didn’t hate Minho at all.
Minho waited for Changbin to pull away, but instead the younger man closed the space between them, their chests touching as he tilted his head slightly to part his lips against Minho’s.
And Minho didn’t stop him. He actually parted his own lips in response, shivering as Changbin moved a hand from Minho’s face to run down his arm, their fingers briefly touching as they kissed.
Maybe he just... wanted to relieve stress.
Yeah, this was just... stress.
Minho let his eyes flutter shut as Changbin flicked his tongue into his mouth, causing Minho’s heart to pound.
He wasn’t sure what to do.
So he kissed him back.
He’d always liked Changbin. But this kinda hurt.
They kissed for a while, breaths mixing with the rainfall as Changbin pressed their bodies so close that Minho could feel the hardening of Changbin’s cock against his own.
Stress relief.
God this hurt so much.
Changbin brought a hand to Minho’s hair, fingers tangling as the other hand laced with Minho’s fingers, their kisses growing so heavy that Minho could barely breathe.
And then Chanbin pulled away, eyes glued to Minho and full of worry.
“Minho...”
He didn’t realize how hard he was crying. Part of him was convinced it was just the rain.
Changbin released Minho’s hair to run his thumb across Minho’s cheek, “shit... Minho, I’m—.”
“It’s fine...” Minho whispered, shivering and trying to compose himself, “you miss him...”
Changbin looked hurt. Why did he look hurt?
“Minho that’s not why I kissed you...” Changbin brought his hand to Minho’s face, running his thumb along his cheek as his fingers caressed around Minho’s ear.
“I don’t...”
“It’s wrong... but I’ve wanted to kiss you for a really long time.”
Oh.
“Not... not that long. Just...”
Minho sniffled.
“I’ve wanted to kiss you for weeks... maybe months? You’re just... I—.”
“You’re mourning...”
Changbin winced, “Minho you’re not an object, you know?”
Minho let out a pathetic whimper.
“You’re not a fancy watch...” Changbin watched him closely, hair drenched, “you’re so much more than that...”
Minho studied Changbin for a while before the shorter man led Minho back to the RV, their fingers still laced.
And as they piled back into the RV, Changbin grabbed Minho’s face in both hands, apology written across his own, “I’m so sorry... Minho I shouldn’t have done that. I’m so fucking sorry, okay? I don’t... you’re not what you think you are. I swear.”
“I don’t understand...”
“I like you, okay?!” Changbin took a deep breath, studying Minho’s face, “I’ve liked you for... a while now. You’ve been so comforting and caring. You don’t treat me like I’m a child... you just... you’ve always been so.”
Minho frowned.
“I didn’t mean to feel this way about you... I didn’t. It feels wrong and it feels... fuck, I don’t know. No, it doesn’t feel wrong. It feels right—but it’s wrong?!” Changbin was stammering, losing focus.
And maybe Minho was crazy.
Crazy for leaning back in to take his friends lips again.
He was crazy.
This was crazy?!
No, maybe the world was crazy.
Because what the fuck was happening. Why was Minho sitting on Changbin’s lap on the bed, their soaked shirts thrown to the ground as Changbin unbuttoned Minho’s pants.
What the fuck were they doing? And why the fuck was Changbin fingering him? And why the hell was Minho moaning his name and fucking himself agaisnt Changbin’s digits.
No, why was Minho crying out Changbin’s name as he rolled his hips along his cock, Minho’s arms wrapped around his neck and their mouths glued together.
How did they get here?
Minho wasn’t drunk. He wasn’t high. He was sane, right? There wasn’t something in the rain. This was all him. Them. This was all them.
Changbin thrust up into Minho at a steady pace, holding around Minho’s waist as he let out low grunts and sighs, Minho shuddering with every hit to the bundle of nerves inside of him, his eyes rolling back with each succession of thrusts.
What were they doing?
Minho cried his name out again, gripping to Changbin so tightly that he could see his nails digging deep into the other man’s skin. This wasn’t real. It couldn’t be.
Unreal. This was unreal.
Minho gasped out, mouth agape and body shaking, “Chang-Changbin I—.”
Changbin seemed to read Minho’s mind, tossing Minho back onto the bed before crawling back between him, thrusts so deep and precise that Minho couldn’t contain his choked moans nor the heat in his stomach any longer. And Changbin’s hand slipping around his cock didn’t help. Not at all.
He came hard, body shuddering underneath of the man who was fucking into him so deeply that Minho couldn’t even focus his vision. He let his embarrassing moans slip through his mouth as Changbin continued his own movements, rolling his hips so rhythmically.
Minho could make out Changbin whispering Minho’s name over and over again, and Minho knew he was about to cum. And maybe having Jeongin’s boyfriend releasing inside of him was a bad idea. But Minho kept one leg wrapped around Changbin as the rest of him struggled to comply though his own shaky pleasure.
This was crazy. Changbin spilling inside of Minho was crazy. The sound of rain hitting the RV was crazy.
Everything was—fuck.
Minho shuddered as Changbin held himself deep inside of Minho, rocking his hips for a moment before he pulled out to collapse beside Minho, breaths erratic against his throat as Changbin nuzzled into him.
He should have felt shame as Changbin’s cum ran into the sheets. He should have felt pain or maybe even regret.
But he didn’t.
He just felt... this didn’t feel real. This random incident—was it random? Changbin liked Minho. Did Minho like him? He did, right?
He liked him.
Minho waited for his body to settle, his muscles clenching around the emptiness, Changbin’s cum was warm... it was so warm.
“Changbin...”
Minho could hear Changbin’s breath hitch.
“I used to fight with Jeongin about you. About how lucky he was to have you.”
There was movement beside Minho, Changbin’s eyes seemingly glued on Minho. But Minho could only stare at the ceiling.
“It felt unfair that he got you... someone like you. And I was just... I would get so annoyed with how much he loved you.”
This was the wrong time maybe.
“I think... maybe I just...” Minho gave Changbin a quick glance before looking away again, “maybe I like you too.”
They didn’t speak after that. Changbin told Minho after he showered he would drive to another rest stop. But before that, he crawled into the bed beside Minho, spraying his throat with kisses before forcing Minho into the bathroom.
Minho would have asked Changbin to join him, but the shower was too small anyways.
He’d manage. Minho could manage. Everything would be fine.
No.
The second Minho stepped into the shower it was raining again.
But it couldn’t be raining. They were inside. The water wasn’t even on yet—.
Minho slipped his hand to the handle before the stream started, mixing with the stream of tears in his eyes before he felt himself lowering to the ground, curling himself into an uncomfortable ball.
God. What had he done?
All that regret came washing in the moment he was alone.
He fucked his brother's boyfriend. They never broke up. Changbin was like a widow. He wasn’t but he was. Minho didn’t know what to do. What to say. How to feel?!
Crying. That’s all he knew to do. Especially with all this impending guilt and shame.
God. He was so bad. He felt sick.
Minho cried for what felt like too long.
In his head he was screaming apologies to Jeongin. He felt wrong for this. Why did he do that?!
Jeongin loved Changbin. Why had Minho told Changbin about his feelings? About how jealous he was?! Jeongin was dead...?
Minho washed his hair, shakily rising from the shower floor to wash himself of sin. He felt nothing but bubbling regret. Every touch to his skin stung with memory that his brother's boyfriend had touched him. Had kissed him. Had loved—no. It wasn’t love. Changbin was just mourning. And Minho had taken advantage of that.
They didn’t speak when Minho emerged from the bathroom.
There wasn’t a word spoken for the next hour. Actually, the next three hours. Changbin opted to drive through the night. He was determined to reach the Grand Canyon by noon, which felt a little off course. But whatever. They’d ruined the trip the second they slept together.
Why had they done that?
Minho watched the road ahead as he sat in the passenger seat, blanket draped over him as the only light came from the headlights of the RV.
“Do you want me to drive?” Minho asked after a while, noticing Changbin blinking more often than usual, and he just... he looked so tired.
“I’m fine.” His answer was short.
“Changbin, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t. Let’s just get to the canyon.”
“We won’t make it if you fall asleep at the wheel and get us killed.” Minho murmured, receiving an annoyed look from Changbin before they caught another rest stop sign.
“I’ll pull over. We can just sleep and pick back up in the morning.”
“Thank you.”
Minho took the couch. He refused the bed and Changbin didn’t fight it.
And when Minho woke up the sun was beaming into the RV his neck hurt. And so did his back. Maybe it was half the couch, and half the sex.
Minho pulled himself up uncomfortably, noticing Changbin was still fast asleep.
He didn’t want to wake him, so he didn’t.
Minho hated how things had changed so drastically between them in just hours. Changbin had kissed Minho’s throat, paid him so much attention, and then after Minho’s shower. Nothing.
It wasn’t Changbin’s fault. Maybe he’d had his own breakdown while Minho showered. Maybe they should forget this ever happened.
That would be best, right?
—🖤—
The Grand Canyon.
Minho wasn’t sure what time it was. And Changbin was still passed out. He just knew he was staring at the parking lot, watching people who had arrived just as early walking around together.
He should have felt better about being here. But the guilt was taking over and filling his stomach. He felt so nauseous... why did he sleep with Changbin?
Minho raked his fingers through his hair before sliding out of the driver's seat and taking a spot at the bed, watching Changbin sleep. He wondered when he’d wake up. He’d slept for so long.
Fuck it.
“Changbin... we’re here. Do you want to shower?” Minho asked softly, brushing his fingers carefully along Changbin’s exposed shoulder.
Changbin turned with a hiss, wrapping his arms around Minho subconsciously. He wasn’t awake. He wasn’t.
Minho took a deep breath, “Changbin?”
The younger man murmured something under his breath as he nuzzled against Minho.
Shit.
He studied him for a moment, bringing a hand to Changbin’s cheek to brush dark hair from there before pulling himself back and clearing his throat. He couldn’t. He shouldn’t.
“Changbin.”
Changbin stirred with a groan at Minho’s raised voice, pulling himself upright from the bed to look at Minho with an exhaustive glare.
“We’re here.”
Changbin seemed startled by that, peeking out the blinds to examine the scenery outside.
“I parked us in time and there’s a shuttle for—.”
“You drove?”
Minho nodded, “yeah...”
“You read the signs okay...?”
“You printed a map and if I got stuck I used my phone. I figured things out.”
Changbin took a deep breath before sliding up from the bed, “that’s... cool. I’m going to go shower... you should take a nap if you’ve been driving all night.”
Minho didn’t respond as Changbin gathered his clothes and made his way into the small bathroom.
“Shit.” Minho said aloud as the water turned on before collapsing down on the bed.
This was going to be a long day.
—🖤—
A long day was an understatement.
After a quiet tour of the canyon with a group of excited tourists, Minho and Changbin found themselves wandering on their own.
They hadn’t talked. Changbin was sociable and spoke English, so he made friends with a couple as they toured. And Minho, still too guilty to say much of anything, had just stayed quiet. He didn’t pay the others any mind and had lagged behind the entire time.
But now it was just him and Changbin, looking out at the scenery that should have made Minho happy. And the tears in his eyes should have been from how beautiful the canyon looked, but instead his eyes were full of bitter tears and distress.
But he’d mask them as the canyons doing.
“What did I do?”
The words made the tears rolling down Minho’s face sting all the more. Minho didn’t expect them.
Minho turned, catching Changbin looking directly at him without enough of a glare that Minho looked away frantically. The canyon wasn’t soothing him.
“Minho, you haven’t spoken to me all day.”
He hadn’t? Changbin hadn’t put effort in speaking to him either.
“If I did something... Minho, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was short with you after what happened, okay? I just didn’t know how to handle what happened or what you said—.”
“So why did you kiss me after?” Minho’s voice was shakier than he intended, though his tears were slowing.
“I don’t know.”
“When we slept together, who did you see? Was you liking me just a lie? It feels like a lie. And maybe it’s my fault. Maybe I—.” No, it wasn’t Minho’s fault, “you know what... no, I’m mourning too.”
“Minho—.”
“No actually,” Minho turned, gritting his teeth, “fuck you. Fuck you for taking advantage of my feelings for a fuck. I don’t know what you expected out of me but I’m not my dead brother. Fucking me wont bring him—.”
“Shut up.” Changbin snarled.
Minho scoffed, “I bet he’s looking down at us right now. I bet he’s so fucking mad. I bet he’s so fucking disappointed.”
“Minho, shut up.”
“He’s probably watching me and shaking his head. But at least he knew I had a crush on you. He’d tease me about it. Hold it above my fucking head. But you? You were supposed to love him, right?” Changbin looked hurt by that, “so why the fuck did you fuck me?”
“Stop—.”
“I bet you were waiting. How long have you liked me honestly? How long has it been? Did you think about me while you were with my brother?”
Changbin shook his head, eyes dark.
“I can’t believe you fucked me. Either you fucked me because you’ve wanted me for ages, or you were just using me to get a pitiful fucking memory of my dead brother.”
“Shut up, Minho!”
“Who tasted better? Or did you think we’d taste the same? Did you even love him—.”
Minho had never actually been punched before. And maybe he deserved it, but maybe he didn’t.
He’d never been in a fight. He wasn’t sure what to do. But the urge to tackle Changbin to the ground filled his chest. So he did.
And they hit the sand and dirt hard, Minho attempting a punch back before being rolled over and held down. But Minho wasn’t going to tolerate being held down. So he kneed Changbin hard, the younger man sputtering out a growl as he held his stomach before Minho moved to tackle him down again.
What were they doing?
Minho didn’t know. The taste of blood in his mouth and the sand fucking with his vision was almost too much. And he wasn’t sure what to do but swing. He was sure he hit Changbin by the sound of his growl. But Changbin seemed more able, and Minho was pinned to the ground, face pressed against the sand as Changbin held his arms behind his back.
Their breaths were heavy, and Minho wasn’t sure where this would take them.
He expected a kick to the side as Changbin pulled up. Or to be spit on. Or to be thrown off the fucking cliff side.
But nothing.
“Fuck you.” His words were shaky and acidic. So piercing that Minho wanted to shrink away forever.
Changbin pulled away and stumbled until his back hit the mountainside, his eyes full of anger as he watched Minho.
Minho had hit him enough for blood to trickle down his nose. As Minho forced himself up onto his hands and knees, he could tell that much.
There was no joy in this.
But he didn’t feel finished. He didn’t know what the fuck he was doing. He’d gotten his ass kicked and pinned, yet he was still eager for more.
Maybe it was punishment. For this horrible deed that they’d committed.
Minho pulled himself up, spitting blood from the collision to his face before making his way towards Changbin, the shorter man giving him an icy glare and a locked jaw that should have intimidated Minho more.
But Minho was pissed.
“What... you gonna fucking punch me again?” Minho spat as he got close to Changbin, keeping a small distance as he watched him with hurt eyes of his own, “go ahead.”
Changbin watched Minho a moment before sliding himself upright off the red colored rock, “do you seriously think I saw him when I fucked you?”
It stung. Minho stayed silent.
“You really think... I was lying to you?”
Minho’s eyes darted down the canyon. But Changbin’s hand around his jaw had him staring right back at him.
“I’m not... you know I’m not that kind of person.”
Minho gathered blood from the inside of his cheek before spitting it to the side, Changbin wincing in response.
“What kind of person are you then?”
He expected another punch. Another something. Anything. But instead he was pressed against the rock with Changbin’s lips pressed firmly against his own.
He wanted to cry again. But he didn’t. He was sick of crying. He’d been crying for months. And his head was hurting too badly. Crying would only elevate it all.
So he stayed silent, Changbin’s lips parting softly against his own, causing Minho to falter and part his own back.
And he wasn’t sure what they were doing, or why Changbin was kissing him again.
This was all so complicated. And he was tired from the drive. And he was sore from the sex and the terrible couch. And his head hurt. He was just consumed in bad. Everything felt bad.
But Changbin’s hand running along his back and his palm cupping his sore cheek melted him within seconds.
He felt light. He felt... this was okay.
It wasn’t really okay, but it felt okay.
He felt secure. Safe. And the fingers at his face were too nice to ignore. Too nice to... pretend didn’t exist.
And then Changbin pulled away, blood still trickling down his nose and brows furrowed in sorrow.
“It started after he died. After the box. After we started planning this.”
Minho took a deep breath.
“I don’t know why... it felt wrong. It felt so wrong to start falling for you. But I couldn’t help it. And no... you aren’t a replacement for him. You aren’t him. You’re Minho. I wasn’t lying to you.” Changbin pet his face calmly, “I just... I panicked after. I felt like I’d done something irreparable and wrong... I’m sorry for hurting you.”
Minho wasn’t sure what to say. He stayed silent, ignoring the sting as Changbin thumbed across his cheek that must have been bruising from Changbin’s fist.
“And not just for this... I’m sorry for after. I didn’t... I didn’t know how to deal with how quiet you got. I didn’t know how to deal with you telling me that you’d liked me while I was with Jeongin. I just shut down... I’m sorry.”
He had no words. He couldn’t form any. He could feel the sting of tears in his eyes and he was doing everything he could to keep himself from fucking sobbing again. He didn’t want that.
Changbin brought both hands to either side of Minho’s face, “please say something.”
Minho shook his head slowly before closing his eyes tight. He felt stupid. He felt like he was collapsing under the pressure in his chest. He just felt sorry. But he couldn’t find the words. And he couldn’t find the strength.
He didn’t expect Changbin’s embrace and the warm breath at his neck. He didn’t really deserve it either.
Minho brought an arm shakily around Changbin, burying his face into the younger man.
And the threatening tears that were stuck in his eyes had spilled and spilled. And they spilled until he couldn’t spill anymore.
—🖤—
Minho had a splitting headache. He assumed it was from hitting the ground earlier. But it was possibly all of the stress too. Either way he was settled next to Changbin as the warm breeze whipped his face.
They hadn’t talked. Changbin had tried, but Minho couldn’t form words. He still didn’t know what to say. So he opted for silence.
“He would have loved it here.” Changbin whispered after too long of silence, “he would have loved to take us.”
Us.
Changbin took a deep breath, “is your face okay?”
A question Minho had to answer.
“It’s just sore. My head hurts.”
Changbin whipped his head to look at Minho, leaning back on his hands as he watched him closely, “should we go back? I have painkillers.”
“I’m sorry.”
Minho turned to look at Changbin, the man’s face forming a frown.
“I’m... I was being so stupid. The whole thing was stupid. I shouldn’t have said what I did. Not earlier and not after we... I shouldn’t have opened my mouth. I’m sorry.”
There was a pause before Changbin scooted himself closer, “it wasn’t stupid, Minho.”
“It was cruel... you didn’t deserve that.”
“You didn’t deserve this...” Changbin brushed his fingers against Minho’s cheek.
“I kind of did...” Minho laughed lowly, reaching his own fingers to touch the slightly raised part of his cheek.
“Nobody does... not really. You were upset.”
Minho bit at his bottom lip, “what are we going to do?”
“What do you mean?”
“After this...”
Changbin watched Minho before turning his head to the canyon, “we could yell into the Grand Canyon.”
“I mean—.”
“We can yell into the canyon together. And then we can walk back to the shuttle and then drive.”
Minho frowned.
“We didn’t have plans after this. But we can make some. Back in LA. Or here. Anywhere. We can make all the plans in the world before we go back.”
“Changbin—.”
“I like you...”
Minho’s breath hitched.
“A lot. I don’t... Can we start over? Or maybe that’s too much? We can pick back up from sleeping together. Or we can pretend it never happened. We can... I really just want—.”
“What?” Minho asked hesitantly, “what do you want?”
“You.”
It stung. And if Minho had any more tears he’d use them.
Changbin turned, “I’m serious. I’m sorry that I got weird after things. It wasn’t weird when I was kissing you. I didn’t even... being alone after what you said just messed with my head. And I fucked up. I shouldn’t have given you the silent treatment. And I shouldn’t have hurt you after the gift shop. I should have just told you about everything... upfront. I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing...”
Changbin studied Minho for a moment, “do you still like me?”
Minho nodded slowly, words not forming again.
“Do you trust me?”
He nodded again.
“Then let’s scream into this giant hole. And then we can go back to the RV.” Changbin pulled himself up from his spot before holding out his hand, “come on, Minho.”
Minho stalled a moment before taking Changbin’s hand, the shorter man pulling Minho to his feet, lacing their fingers.
They found a nicer spot, so beautiful that Minho could barely comprehend. He felt bad that Jeongin wasn’t here to see this. No wonder he wanted to visit.
“You ready?” Changbin asked, their fingers still laced together.
“Yeah...” his voice was small, a little hoarse.
But he’d manage.
Changbin smiled at that, and it was enough to have Minho’s heart racing.
“Okay, just scream. Let everything out.”
Minho glanced down the canyon, examining the beautiful colors before he took a deep breath.
Changbin started to yell first, voice loud and enough to have Minho shrinking back.
Minho watched in awe before Changbin pulled back, a slight smile over his slightly battered face, “it's helping. Come on, join me.”
“Just...”
“Yell. Yell at me, yell at yourself. Just yell for any reason.”
Changbin yelled again, and maybe anyone nearby would think they were mad. Maybe they’d get in trouble. Then again nobody had heard their... fight.
Minho inhaled sharply before letting out the most straining yell he could muster, voice cracking as light echo filled the air.
They yelled nonsense into the hole for... what felt like hours. But based on the daylight, it hadn’t even been that long.
Minho’s throat was sore as he took the water bottle Changbin had packed to his lips, wiping the excess with the back of his hand that trickled down his chin as they walked through the darkening parking lot.
They hadn’t spoken much, but Changbin’s fingers laced into Minho’s spoke more volumes than he ever could.
Minho wasn’t sure what would happen back in the RV. At least he didn’t expect whatever was happening the moment they finally got inside the camper.
Minho collapsed onto the bed, Changbin following and watching him with the faintest smile and glimmering eyes.
He didn’t expect the look Changbin was giving him. He wasn’t sure he deserved it either.
He had to ask.
“You meant what you said out there?”
Changbin blinked in slight confusion, reaching his fingers to Minho’s cheek, “About you?”
Minho nodded, “yeah.”
A smile, a wider one that made Minho’s face heat up, “I did... I meant every word, Minho.”
“So you...”
“Want you? Absolutely.”
Minho’s face went completely hot, his eyes glued to Changbin’s smile, “I’m sorry for what I said out there. I think I just felt guilty.”
“We let everything out in the canyon. Let’s leave it there, yeah?”
“I said really mean shit—.”
“And I hit you.”
“I hit you back...”
“We were both so... angry. I’m sorry things were so heavy back there. Like I said I should have just been upfront with you.”
“He’s probably laughing at us...”
Changbin laughed, “probably. His two favorite people are fighting about liking each other...”
Minho smiled at that, “you’re his favorite.”
“You know he loved us both. The times he’d ditch our dates to take you out for ice cream after break ups—.”
“Wait, really? He always said he was free...”
“That’s what brothers do.” Changbin moved himself close to Minho, their noses brushing slightly, “he would drop everything for you.”
“I guess I didn’t think about that... I’m sorry he bailed on you a lot. I’ve had... a ton of break ups.”
“He even ditched me when you were the one who broke up with someone. He’d jump up during our dinners and scream out something dumb about how much he loved you for finally leaving.”
Minho’s smile broke slightly, “really?”
Changbin caressed Minho’s cheek calmly, fingers slipping to press against his lips, “he loved you.”
“Is this wrong?” Minho asked.
His chest was tight. Everything was tight.
“No. I don’t think what we’re doing is wrong.”
“Falling for each other on a trip meant to send off our special boy?”
“We fell for each other before this.”
Minho took a deep breath, “is this toxic?”
“Does it feel toxic?”
Was it? On the surface, yeah. It seemed like a horrible thing to do. But deep down... it felt right. Changbin felt right. Despite their outbursts and their lack of communication on the trip, it felt so right.
“We should head out...” Minho whispered, “we could stay at another rest stop and get dinner.”
“Dinner? It’s so late.”
“We also haven’t eaten.”
Changbin hummed before throwing an arm around Minho, “can we shower first?”
Minho scoffed, “the shower is way too small for both of us.”
Changbin smirked, sliding himself up to look down at Minho, “who said anything about showering together?”
Minho’s face went hot again, “oh, I—.”
His lips were soft. Though Minho could feel the slight sting against his own lip that was possibly busted from their fight, it felt so nice. Calming.
Minho wrapped his arms around Changbin’s neck, pulling him down against him as their lips danced along one another in harmony.
He really did like Changbin.
He liked him a lot.
—🖤—
Their trip had reached its end when they returned to LA. Or at least the RV part of it. Now they were checked into an actual hotel room, throwing themselves back onto the master bed with heavy sighs and exhaustion.
“Thank god we’re staying here for the week. I can’t get on a plane right now.”
Changbin laughed, eyes shut as he lay with his back against the bed, “we can detox here for a bit. Arizona was pretty, but I kind of wanna go to the beach here.”
“I could sleep for the next five days.” Minho whispered back.
Changbin turned over, rolling into Minho’s chest carefully, “sleep?”
Minho smirked before bringing his hands to cover his face.
“Are you sure about the sleep part?” Changbin asked.
A laugh slipped from Minho’s lips as Changbin ran his hands up his shirt slowly. “We should sleep, yeah... we have a whole week for—.”
“Ah, that sounds good too.” Changbin laughed as he peppered kisses along Minho’s hands before Minho slid them away, moving them to cup Changbin’s face.
Minho ran his thumb along Changbin’s cheek, his dark hair running over his eyes as he watched Minho, “I’m glad we did this together...”
Changbin nodded before nuzzling into Minho’s hands, “I’m glad too... I needed this and... I guess I needed you too.”
“Don’t say it like that...” Minho felt his face heating, “you’re so embarrassing.”
Changbin smiled at that, eyes falling shut as he nuzzled comfortably into Minho’s hands, “I really care about you.”
“You’re still being embarrassing.”
“I mean it, Minho.” Changbin spoke lazily before the obvious signs of sleep overtook him.
Minho held his face in his hands for a while before sliding them around Changbin’s back, watching the man sleep soundly beside him.
Minho cared about Changbin too. A lot. Minho wasn’t sure what he’d have done without him when Jeongin died. And he wasn’t sure what was to come once they got home, but he figured whatever it was, at least he’d have Changbin.
Changbin.
“I love you,” Minho whispered after a while. Changbin wouldn’t hear him. But that was okay, and probably for the best.
Changbin.
He loved Changbin.
—🖤—