Chapter Text
Chapter 1: Hajime’s POV
Hajime Hinata struggled with having a firm sense of identity. It was hard to pin down exactly who “me” was, for him. After living for a period of time as a totally different person, with a different name and identity, it’s hard to go back. Or, rather, go forward, as a new person altogether.
Hajime still had memories from the time he was called “Kamukura”. It was more vague, dream-like memories, but memories nonetheless. The idea of Kamukura still lives in him. Not as a “separate person”, since he was still Hajime, technically. But as an ‘influence’. Hajime still had every artificial talent available, including all the ones he considered pointless. His mind still worked very quickly, and he had a track record of getting bored two minutes into an activity.
He missed the joy of learning new things.
Hajime didn’t exactly care for his memories of that time, and still considered them to be his own memories, even if he had a different name and personality at the time. He still called himself “Izuru Kamukura” in those memories, more for ease of understanding than an actual attachment to the name or identity.
That being said, he wasn’t an infallible power, like Kamukura was. Since Hajime’s consciousness was no longer repressed to a locked closet in his brain, it was almost like his own head was too crowded. He could still use any and all talents, just as Kamukura could, but it took a lot of energy to maintain, and Hajime ran the risk of exhaustion headaches if he tried to use any one talent for an extended period of time.
And even when he used the talents, they were… artificial .
It was hard to tell in some, like Mechanic or Mathematician, where all that really matters is the speed and accuracy of your results. However, the “artistic” talents, not so much.
He knows nearly every classical piano piece by heart. He can play them with precision accuracy.
But, Ibuki has told him his music lacks spirit.
He knows every genre of dance, and every step to take.
Hiyoko said he lacked life.
He even knew biological and behavioral science about animals.
The Devas preferred not to stay in his hands for longer than three seconds.
It was like he had everything he could ever ask for, but it was all a fake.
Hajime hated it.
He hated his past self, too. For being so narrow mindedly stubborn about his views on talents, and who was “worthwhile”. For agreeing to that stupid experiment. For even thinking he could ever cheat his way into a talented life- and for thinking that he’d suddenly live a better life for it. But, most of all, he hated his past self for being so self-assured. It was weird to think about. His past self was insecure enough to literally go under a knife and change himself. Yet, never in his life had Hajime had a more sturdy foundation in his identity. It was an insecure identity, sure, but identity nonetheless. He never questioned what it meant to be “Hajime Hinata”, just how to become the version of Hajime he wanted to be.
He was jealous of his past self.
Past Hajime could learn things, could feel passionate, could hold a conversation without accidentally socio-analyzing his friends and making things awkward.
Of course, Hajime hated his current self, too.
It’s a work in progress, frankly.
The island where the class still stayed, was becoming essentially a full rehabilitation island, not far from what the Future Foundation initially planned for the Neo World program. There were on staff therapists at all times, medical staff, and even what Hajime could only call a “chore list” the residents could accept to earn some cash. Makoto allowed them to order items to be brought to the island with that money, and while Hajime felt a bit condescended by it, he still did his “chore list”. Calling them “Daily Tasks” gave it too much credit.
Some of the island residents were making surprisingly quick progress, all things considered. Some of them seemed to have more vibrant memories of their life as Ultimate Despairs, than others. Some, like Ibuki and Byakuya (who was given many nicknames to differentiate from the actual original Byakuya), had more dream-like memories; others, like Akane and Mahiru, had more vivid recollections. Most of them treated their daily tasks like a lifeline, giving them a purpose and reason to get out of their cabins and get moving. It was a good distraction, for most of them.
Many of the residents tried to do their tasks together, as a way of socializing and working together. Some were hardly seen apart, and that was a small comfort to Hajime, who worried about in-fighting when they were awoken, especially among the whole killer-killed duos. But they all seemed to agree none of them were in a stable mindset, and would rather just move on. Some of them asked to do some tasks with Hajime, too. Some (like Sonia or Nekomaru) just liked the companionship, and cared about Hajime’s wellbeing, too. Some (like Kazuichi or Byakuya) weren’t very subtle in their desire to have Hajime just use his talents to speed up the labor. They still liked his company, too, just were a little more utilitarian about it.
For the most part, he socialized a normal amount with all of the residents, working with some, eating with others, checking up, and so on.
And then, there was Nagito.
Nagito Komaeda was the one black sheep in the entire group.
Nagito seemed to avoid Hajime like the plague.
Hajime had little choice but to deal with it.
He had nothing to prove to Nagito, by now. Hajime knew how Nagito felt about his “fake” talents, and it wasn’t very pretty.
But, it was a bit… depressing, at times.
The whole lot of his existence was depressing, of course. Hajime figured he’d grow old and die being bored. But there was a sharper sting that came with Nagito’s disdain. Maybe it was because of how strongly Hajime felt for Nagito during the simulation (Hajime wasn’t sure if it was a good strong or not, but he certainly felt something). Frankly speaking, Nagito interested Hajime. And Nagito wanted nothing to do with Hajime. He thought Hajime’s talents were disgusting, and unworthy.
Hajime agreed, but he had no choice but to live with it.