Chapter Text
taehyung/jeongguk; christmas fuckery; ~1.3k; nc-17
of three thing jeon jeongguk is sure.
(1) the apartment that he shares with kim taehyung, his boyfriend, is currently obnoxiously decorated with christmas trinkets.
(2) said boyfriend is currently missing in action, and has been all morning.
and (3), there is a very large, very pink box in the middle of the living room wrapped in a red ribbon, and jeongguk very much does not want to open it.
god, he had been JOKING that night last week when taehyung had asked what he'd wanted for christmas and he'd replied with a line from his favourite christmas song. "all i want for christmas is you," my ass. the things that taehyung makes him say in bed.
"okay, taehyung," jeongguk says, plopping down on the sofa, after he's made himself a nice plate of christmas pancakes. he's been rattling around in the kitchen all morning, determinedly not paying attention to the BIG HUGE OBNOXIOUS BOX in the middle of the room. he wonders how long he has to wait until taehyung passes out. there doesn't look like there's too much space (or air) in that thing. maybe he should be nice. "you can come out now, taehyung, and for god's sake, i hope you have clothes on."
not to say that jeongguk hasn't been thinking about taehyung popping out of the box stark naked with a little ribbon wrapped around his dick. hell, if taehyung's internet search history is anything to go by, he might even have a little cock ring on in the shape of a wreath. the internet these days. people these days. they come up with the darndest things on etsy.
unfortunately for jeongguk and his sanity, the christmas jingles are very much still playing in the background and the box does not move.
"i'm not opening that box if that's what you were after," jeongguk shouts again, massaging his temples. the box is still. very still. maybe taehyung's passed out. oh shit, what if taehyung's passed out? a trip to the emergency room with a naked boyfriend who has a wreath cock ring around his penis isn't jeongguk's idea of a perfect christmas--and damn, when jeongguk panics, he really panics. what if taehyung has permanent brain damage from suffocation? he's heard stories of that dude who mailed himself to his girlfriend for her birthday who ended up passed out in the cardboard box and had to be rushed to the icu. he does not want that happening to taehyung, his stupid, idiotic, lovable, most precious boyfriend. even if jeongguk hardly says it to taehyung's face, taehyung's the most important person in his life and jeongguk would very much like to keep him alive, because what's the fun in fucking a dead body?
jeongguk almost kicks the box over, undoing the ribbons. he lifts the lid, fully prepared to lug an unconscious taehyung out, but what he sees next is…
a single piece of paper in the bottom of the box, in taehyung's messy handwriting.
"kekekekekekekekekekekeke," the first line reads. "kekekekekekekekekekekekekekeke."
"god fucking kim taehyung you fucking piece of shit," jeongguk curses, rather loudly. he hopes the old couple in the apartment next door aren't listening to his profanities. or, well, considering taehyung’s a bit of a screamer during sex, they’re probably used to it, or have invested in a pair of well-needed earplugs. jeongguk reads on, rubbing the back of his neck.
"merry christmas, jeonggukkie, my one and only disco stick :')) I TRICKED YOU DIDN'T I HEHEHE HEHEhglkhlhTHG you thought i was going to be in the box didn't you? and now it's the afternoon already because you didn't want to open the box, huh? huh? i know you too well :')"
indeed. it is afternoon. indeed, kim taehyung knows jeon jeongguk much too well for comfort.
"oh! this isn't your present, by the way. your present is lying naked on the bed of a love hotel right now. 13-22 cheongdam-dong, red building with the campy neon sign. come with lube. merry christmas :')"
"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST," jeongguk yells, throwing the note to the floor. "god, taehyung, what the fuck," he's muttering, but he's on his way to the bedroom to grab the lube and a jacket and he's out the door faster than taehyung comes with a vibrator up his ass.
by the time jeongguk gets to the love hotel (and god, it's so fucking campy, he's hiding his face as he walks into reception), he's all puffed out cheeks red and flushed from the cold winter air and from pent up excitement. lo and fucking behold, his laughingstock of a boyfriend is lying right there naked in the plush and all-too-pink bed, stroking himself off when jeongguk pushes the door open.
"took you long enough," taehyung growls, laughing breathlessly as he strokes himself more. jeongguk slams the door behind him, glaring daggers at taehyung. "you were totally fooled."
"well, yeah, knowing you, how could i not expect you to pull that shit?" jeongguk grumbles, sitting down on the bed next to taehyung and giving taehyung a long kiss. "i love you, fucker," jeongguk finishes off, looking fondly into taehyung's eyes. "even when you do embarrassing-ass crap like this."
"you live for this shit," taehyung says, grinning, pulling jeongguk's coat off. they make quick work of jeongguk's layers, and pretty soon, jeongguk's on top of taehyung, grinding down into his hips.
"what would you have done if i didn't turn up?" jeongguk whimpers as taehyung squeezes the lube onto his fingers and stretches jeongguk open.
"i dunno," taehyung says, curling his middle finger, and jeongguk lets out a loud keen as taehyung's fingers hit his prostate. "probably jerk off to you until my time was up."
the room is way too christmassy for jeongguk. god, apart from the pink bed, the walls are covered with tinsel and angels (who the fuck puts angels up in a love hotel room? jesus christ, it's like people these days have no common sense, you don't invite angels to join you in a threesome) and random spray painted images of reindeers and bells jeongguk swears the refrains of carols are playing in the hallway, happy jingles and stuff about riding on a sleigh, and, well, although there is no sleigh here, jeongguk's quite content riding on taehyung's cock, sinking down and taking all of taehyung in, hands on taehyung's chest, straddling taehyung's hips.
"next time," jeongguk says, setting his pace, "we're keeping this to home. no christmas-themed love hotels. god, i love and hate christmas."
"don't be a grinch," taehyung says, thrusting up to meet jeongguk halfway. "tis the season to be jolly."
and lord, LORD, taehyung actually starts fucking singing christmas carols while jeongguk is riding him, and jeongguk wishes he had enough dignity not to come when taehyung hits the low note in "santa baby" but nope, fucking nope, the way taehyung looks, pink lips wet from licking, eyes hooded and one hand gripping jeongguk's cock, stroking him down, and jeongguk comes all over taehyung's chest and face right at the chorus.
taehyung comes moments after, as jeongguk clenches, and he goes hilariously off-tune, but who's really judging their singing here?
god fucking damn it, this is a joke of a christmas.
but, jeongguk thinks, as taehyung giggles and pulls him in, arms draping over jeongguk's shoulders, legs intertwined, taehyung pressing lazy kisses to jeongguk's collarbones and to the crook of his neck, snuggling close enough so that jeongguk can count taehyung's eyelashes, even with all the ridiculously embarrassing antics, this is probably the best christmas present he could ask for—kim taehyung to be his, and his only—and for that, jeongguk is grateful.