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Rei struggled against his sheets, as his eyes remained firmly shut. Why was it so bright in here? Did he forget to close the blinds last night, or something?
Flipping on his side, Rei felt the warm sheets, trying to find Haro. Strange. He couldn’t hear the sound of breathing, or the touch of fur. Finally opening his eyes, he trained his eyes on the bed, looking at the comforter for any sight of his dog.
“Are you looking for something?” Hiro asked, nudging open the door with his shoulder as he held two mugs of coffee.
“Oh, hey Hiro, thanks. Have you seen Haro…” Rei’s voice trailed off as his heartbeat raced, as he gazed upon the love of his life, setting down a coffee mug on the bedside table. A pleasant scene, except for one thing.
The love of his life was supposed to be dead.
“What the fuck is this!” Rei yelped sitting upright with a bolt of electricity shooting down through his bones. “Who are you?”
Looking rather startled, the man that looked just like Hiro held up his left hand, with a gold band around his finger. “Uh…your husband? Zero? Are you alright, love?”
Rei could feel the wind being knocked out of him, as he slumped back against the pillow. This couldn’t be happening. It had to be some sort of trick, or illusion, or gas leak, or something. His heart swelled, as he looked over to Hiro; his sweet, beautiful, Hiro. That’s when the tears, all of the sudden, started to flow.
“Oh!” Hiro gasped, hastily setting down his coffee as he sat beside Rei, and held his hands. “What’s the matter, Zero, what’s happening?”
Only able to sob, Rei held Hiro close, kissing through the thick cloud of tears gushing from his eyes. After so long, Hiro was here. Forget the logistics, the logic of it all…Rei could hold him, and kiss the warm flesh that belonged to someone who was so much alive.
He kissed Hiro’s hands, his neck, his cheeks, his forehead, even the tip of his nose, before the tears began to fade. Then, when he was able to properly meet Hiro’s clear, but rather startled eyes, did Rei get to kiss him, full on the lips. Hiro’s smooth, sweet lips met his in a way Rei had very much forgotten.
Being there, being able to do this, was, for a moment, the happiest Rei had been. When the moment passed, it only filled him with a lot of questions.
“Who are you?” He asked, grasping Hiro’s shoulders, studying this man closely. In every way, it resembled Hiro. Or, well, a version of Hiro. A young man, clean shaved, dark hair, light eyes, all the rest. This wasn’t his Hiro, not the one he remembered. That Hiro was tired, even when he tried to hide it. And, in his last moments, bleeding on a freezing rooftop with a bullet in his heart.
The man that looked at him now, was whole, and complete, and had such an air of…innocence. Like he hadn’t done or seen the things Rei knew he had.
“Is this one of your jokes?” Hiro asked, putting his hands on top of Rei’s, which still gripped his shoulders. “I’m Hiromitsu. Hiromitsu Furuya-Morofushi.”
“You…have my name. How…” Catching a breath in his throat, Rei felt the cold metal of Hiro’s ring. Oh God.
Tilting his head slightly, Hiro gave a baffled sort of smile. “When we got married? You haven’t forgotten that, have you? It’s only been a year!”
Rei couldn’t release his grip, even when his chest began to heave with sobs. The date. When was the date? “September. September 3rd?”
When Hiro nodded, Rei let out a breath he had been holding for years. That was their date. The date they always loved, because it was a midpoint between their birthdays. Of course, they would have gotten married on that day. Whatever was the cause of it, there were no lingering doubts. This was his Hiro.
“It’s you,” He sobbed out, feeling his heart, so heavy from all that grief, get lighter. He couldn’t stop himself. Rei pulled Hiro towards him, almost crushing him in a hug against his chest.
Hiro laughed, that sweet beautiful laugh, albeit a little forced, due to Rei crushing his lungs. “Zero, my darling, if I could just move over a little...”
They rustled in the sheets, until they ended up facing each other, in a deep embrace. Rei couldn’t stop staring at this gorgeous man before him. The one he thought he lost forever was now looking at him, so pleasantly content.
“Do you want your coffee?” Hiro asked, looking over at the bedside table. “Or to get dressed? Or…did you want me to get…undressed again?”
Rei could feel his heart skip a beat. Okay, that was not like the Hiro he remembered. But…his body was telling him that this was something that happened, rather often. Oh, this was strange. A good but definitely strange feeling was creeping over him.
That feeling was especially heightened once Hiro unbuttoned his shirt, and with a sly smile, got onto his chest. Rei’s heart was now lodged in his throat as he realized that he…could have this, if he wanted it, and did he ever want it.
Although his training meant he was supposed to remember everything, Rei could not for the life of him remember what happened after that. He knew it felt good, really, really, really good. And natural, like he had been doing this for a long time. Even in the aftermath, his body knew what to do, and led the way into the ensuite.
Once they collapsed beside each other again, in bed, he cradled Hiro’s head in his hands. Feeling the smooth strands in his hands, Rei let out a shuddering breath. Was this actually happening to him? Was it some sort of hyper realistic dream?
If so…it was extremely realistic.
Hiro rested against Rei’s chest, tracing little circles with his finger, as they rested beside each other. They didn’t speak, but Rei didn’t want to miss a moment of this. It was a fantastic and intimate and restfuland everything he dreamt of. Until it was interrupted with a phone call.
Pulling away from Rei, Hiro flipped over to the other side of the bed, grabbing the phone from the bedside table. As he answered, Rei held onto his arm, enjoying this sort of clinginess. He damn well wasn’t about to let go.
“Oh, hello! Yes, it’s a wonderful day. What? Really? Yes, of course!” Hiro looked down at Rei, excitement glittering in his eyes. “Got it. Tuesday, one PM? Wonderful! Thank you so much.”
He had barely hung up before Hiro enveloped Rei in a crushing hug. “We just got approved! Oh, it’s finally happening!”
“What? What’s happening?”
Hiro pulled away to look at him with sheer confusion; an expression which surely matched Rei’s. “Don’t you remember? The baby, Zero, the baby!”
Memories, experiences, conversations, all swarmed together in Rei’s brain. He gasped at how much it seemed to…hurt. Memories of the months spent dealing with the adoption agency bubbled up inside, and once the fog cleared, Rei could feel the tears dripping down his face. Oh dear God, what was happening to him?
“The baby?” He asked, words wobbling as he spoke through his tears. “You mean…our baby?”
Hiro nodded, smiling as he wiped away some of Rei’s tears. “Yeah. Our baby, Zero. Our little Miyuki.”
They were having a baby. A baby. Rei couldn’t even process the amount of joy this brought him. Every part of his being was exploding with pure happiness. But even through that sheer euphoria, he was confused.
How could he cry so easily? Why did he feel so…comfortable here? Even his body didn’t feel the same. It was as though he didn’t work out, which clearly had to be impossible. He needed to be fit, for his job. His…job. As a PSB officer. He knew that’s what he did, but a new swarm of memories came back again, slamming into him, bringing him doubt. Wait. He was…a social worker?
“Hiro,” He croaked out, trying to understand what on Earth was happening to him. “Tell me, how did we meet?”
“What? Zero, is something the matter? You can tell me, darling.”
Kissing the hand that caressed his still damp cheek, Rei shook his head. “There’s nothing for you to worry about…I just want to hear it. From you.”
While still confused, Hiro obliged, still holding Rei’s cheek. “Well, it’s when we started working together. I was new to the office and you showed me around. Then we were co-counsellors with a group and you invited me for dinner. Everything sort of fell into place then. ”
“We didn’t…grow up together?”
“How could we?” Hiro laughed, as if that was some sort of absurd notion. “I was in Nagano, remember? I only moved for work. Oh, that reminds me, we have to call my parents to tell them the good news!”
A bolt of lighting went through Rei. Oh, that was wrong. That was wrong. Everything about this was wrong, but that was assuredly wrong. Rei’s head ached as two sets of memories divided him. Hiro’s words brought memories of their own too. Him, being introduced to Hiro’s parents. Them beaming proudly at their wedding. But he also remembered Hiro’s nightmares, and how they found the person who killed his parents. How could he remember both and still not know what was real and what wasn’t?
“Pictures,” He gulped, trying to manage the range of emotions clouding his judgement. “Please.”
It took Hiro a moment to respond, as he was quite startled from Rei’s reaction. “If that’s what you need, Zero, sure. Why don’t you get dressed, and then we can have breakfast first.”
Breakfast. Such a simple, mundane thing to miss, but miss it Rei did. Those sleepy mornings they spent together, just reading the paper and drinking coffee…and now he could have that again? He was in a daze, as he slipped into the clothes Hiro suggested, and ventured out of the bedroom.
What was this place? He stopped to look at everything, from the books in the bookcase to the art on the walls. It was so big, far bigger than his place. As he looked out the window, it dawned on him. This was a house. A whole house, just for him, and Hiro, and soon…little Miyuki.
He found the nursery. It was adorable, all done in pastels. Opening a drawer, Rei found dozens of tiny onesies, all neatly folded. There were a good number of stuffed animals too, all nestled in a crib. Crap. Why was this making him…so emotional?
Hiro found him in there, sitting on a rocking chair in the corner, holding a lion plush.
“Eggs are ready,” He said, resting against the doorframe. The furrow in his eyebrows revealed that he was still worried about his husband. “My parents are thrilled by the way, say they’re going to come for a visit the weekend after next.”
“It’ll…be great to see them.” Rei said, stroking the lion’s mane. He really would love to see Hiro’s parents, he always had but it just still felt so wrong to say that.
“I know yours are still on that cruise, but do you want to call Dr. Miyano? I’m sure she’ll love to see Miyuki.”
Rei dropped the lion, and as it thudded against the ground, his heart pounded even further. “She’s…she’s…”
“She’s in town, yes.” Hiro said, answering what he thought Rei was asking. “I know her husband is at that conference with Akemi, but I think Shiho’s home from university.”
Clutching his head, Rei tried force himself to breathe, but he could only sputter out coughs. This was all so wrong. None of this is what he remembered, what he thought he knew. But was that the truth, or was this? How could both of these…universes, be colliding inside him?
“Zero!” Hiro cried, rushing to his side. “Are you sick? What’s happening?”
Getting his breath back, Rei wheezed as he shook his head. Whatever was happening, he wasn’t getting Hiro involved. This Hiro. His Hiro. Why was this all so confusing?
“I just…” He had to cough before continuing. “Need some food. I’m fine, really, you don’t need to worry about me.”
Hiro looked doubtful, and insisted on helping Rei down the stairs. While they ate, he kept a watchful eye on Rei, who was desperately trying to seem normal, only getting up when the phone rang again. Feeling better, as he was able to breathe again, Rei finished eating, and tided the kitchen.
“Damn, it’s a nice day,” He said to himself, breathing in the crisp air from the open window, as he finished the dishes. The neighbourhood looked great, full of fresh flowers and big trees. Shit. Did he really live here?
It all felt…familiar. And yet not. How could this be happening?
“Hey, sorry about that, there was a telemarket -“ Hiro was cut off, when he entered the kitchen, as Rei kissed him. Deeply. It just felt so right.
When Rei pulled away, everything seemed to fall into place. How could he think that this wasn’t real? Hiro was right here. With him. Everything was perfect.
“Let’s look at those photos,” Rei said with a smile, ready to see them.
Hiro led the way to the living room, and they settled on the couch, to look through their photo albums. Digital, of course, why wouldn’t they be? Rei snuggled against Hiro, just watching the slideshow, looking at all those memories together.
“You looked so handsome that day,” Hiro said, as their wedding passed by in photo form.
“What, don’t I normally look handsome?” Rei teased, enjoying the look on Hiro’s face when he realized t was a joke. The tickle attack came swift and with a vengeance of course, leaving Rei breathless from laughter.
The photos slid away to reveal a video. Rei watched, spellbound, as a version of himself was shown with a glass of champagne. He looked…happy. Cheerful even, surrounded by people he couldn’t recognize at first glance. Wait a second. If Hiro was here then…did that mean…
“Hiro!” He gasped, grabbing him by the shirt. “What about Matsuda? And Hagi? And Date!”
“What are you talking about?” Hiro asked, holding Rei’s wrists. “Zero, who are these people?”
Startled, Rei dropped his grip. Oh. Of course. If Hiro’s parents never died, he wouldn’t have gone to the police academy. And since Dr. Miyano was apparently here too, Rei didn’t go either. That did explain those memories of his degree and degree in social work. So, if they never went to the academy…what about the rest of them?
“Uh. Excuse me.” Hastily, Rei got up from the couch and to the nearest computer, desperate to figure out what was happening. Too many memories were in his head, and he couldn’t shake the feeling that reality wasn’t what he thought it was. A few quick searches later, he found his information. Sitting back, Rei stared at it all.
Matsuda ran a boxing gym with his father. Hagiwara was a mechanic at his father’s garage. Date married his sweetheart, Natalie and the two of them seemed quite happy with each other.
All of that was…wrong.
“Fuck,” Rei swore, trying to get a handle of everything. Those memories at the police academy, all of the mischief they got into, were slipping away from him. These were strangers to him. People he had never met.
He closed the window, shut the laptop and stood. This was all ridiculous. If this wasn’t where he should be, then why was he?
Going back to the living room, Rei smiled at the sight of Hiro on the couch, just looking at his phone. “Hey, why don’t we go for a walk? It looks great out there.”
“Sure,” Hiro said, agreeably, as he got up, sliding his phone into his pocket. “Oh, we need some groceries. Mind stopping by the store?”
“That sounds great,” Rei answered, heart fluttering at the normalcy of it all. They were just walking to the store together, and it felt so natural.
A shiver went up his spine as they got their shoes on and headed out the door. He ignored it. There was nothing wrong with this. How could there be? He held Hiro’s hand as they strolled down the sidewalk. The sun shone brightly, warming their skin. There was nothing wrong with this.
They stopped by a bookstore, just because it was there and browsed the shelves together. Rei was reading the back of a new novel when he heard someone clear their throat. Turning around he saw a gaggle of teenagers, staring at him.
“I told you it was him!” The one in front said. Likely the one that coughed too. “Hiya, Mr. Furuya-Morofushi, how’s it going?”
Rei carefully set the book down as he studied this group of people who apparently knew him. He knew, almost instantly, that they were queer. It was just something he knew. What he didn’t know was well, anything else about them.
“Uh, good! How are you?” He improvised, racking his brain for any sort of clue as to who these kids were.
“Ah, fine, we’re just trying to find something to nominate for book group. Hey, Naruhito, didn’t you say there was a new one with nonbinary pirates?”
As the conversation moved to the book with nonbinary pirates, Rei started to get a grasp on who this group was. Assured when Hiro came by and everyone started talking about their next group meeting, scheduled for tomorrow. The pieces slid together. So, this is what he did for a living…or at least, part of what he did.
He helped people. More memories were coming back to him now, memories of meetings and events he ran. Book group, dances, individual counseling…all sorts of things. Rei had seen these kids, and so many others, at their very lowest, and was there to help them however they needed it. A strange, warm feeling sprung up in him, as he listened to their chatter and congratulations about Miyuki.
Looking at Hiro, laughing and talking with ease, Rei felt so…comfortable here. This was his husband. These were the people he helped. How could life be better than this?
“See you tomorrow!” He called, as the group left to track down some books, and slipped his hand around Hiro’s waist. Hiro responded by kissing his cheek, and they stood like that, holding onto each other. It was just for a moment, but it made Rei feel complete.
They picked up some books, saying how they could take turns reading them, and how great it was that there was so much to choose from. From there, they went to a small café, and began to read their new books. Rei looked up from the pages every now and then, and enjoyed seeing Hiro’s concentrated look as he read. The coffee wasn’t bad either, although he thought the sandwiches could be better. Distant memories started to probe his thoughts then. Inside of focusing on them, he chose to further focus on his book and the adventures of Akira, the nonbinary pirate captain.
Once they lingered quite a while over their coffee and books, and once the sun started to dip into the horizon, they left. Though the walk to the grocery store was short, the wind was bitter, making them slip on gloves so they could hold hands again. It really was such a wonderful way to walk, hand in hand.
“What’re you thinking for dinner?” Hiro asked, surveying the aisles, basket on his arm.
Rei considered it, and slyly looked over at him. “Let’s go out for dinner. Somewhere nice.”
“Oh? How nice? It’s hard to top the Unlong, you know. Ah, that was a nice dinner. Dessert was even nicer of course.” Holding his hand out, Hiro studied his wedding ring.
Although he spoke more, with other restaurant suggestions, Rei’s mind was stuck on the ring. He was the one that proposed? Now, that was another thing that didn’t seem right. Hiro was the one that took the forefront of their relationship…or did he?
Shaking off those lingering feelings, Rei smiled, and nodded as Hiro named a good Chinese restaurant not far their place. As they continued shopping, Rei forced himself to ignore that twisted feeling inside. This was a nice day, damn it, he should have the right to enjoy a nice day.
Once they were outside, and headed down the street, Rei stopped and kissed Hiro full on mouth. There. That was right, and good, and just what he wanted. He looked at Hiro’s tender eyes, and felt every doubt melt away. How could this not be right?
“What was that for?” Hiro said with a laugh, as they started walking again.
“No reason. You’re just…” Rei couldn’t think of the words. How could he describe this ache inside, the ache that stopped whenever he saw this beautiful man. “…Cute.”
Hiro laughed again, such a rich and happy laughed, as he held Rei’s arm. “Well, that’s something! I’m glad to be cute.”
He was so much more than just cute…still, Rei enjoyed the moment. The wind burned against his ears, but that just made going home all the better. Going in the door, hanging up his coat, felt like he had done so every day of his life.
“Well, we better look over the plan for tomorrow.” Hiro said, sliding off his shoes and nodding towards the living room.
Rei nodded, and they passed another stretch of time looking over their agenda, for tomorrow, and the rest of the week. Of course, they had to rearrange some meetings, due to the introduction of Miyuki on Tuesday. A shiver of excitement went through Rei, as he imagined holding her. A baby. His baby. Their baby. It was like a fairytale.
While Hiro was on the phone, talking to some co-workers, Rei got up for a cup of coffee. He sipped it, leaning against the kitchen counter. It was a nice brand, this coffee, although he didn’t remember liking it before. He set it down, now plagued, once again, by that horrible feeling.
This wasn’t right. It just wasn’t. That, he knew. Still, he couldn’t shake the feeling that there was no reason it couldn’t be right. Sure, things were different, but did that matter? He just couldn’t decide.
Gulping down some more coffee, Rei forced himself to focus. He made a choice. Unless or until he had proof, empirical proof that he didn’t belong here, he would accept it. After all, how could he not belong here? He had Hiro, a fantastic career, even a baby on the way…it was just about perfect.
He ignored those cursed feelings of doubt, and let himself enjoy the rest of the day. It was a nice sort of run of the mill weekend that really felt relaxing. They did some laundry, rearranged the nursery, did some more work, and in general, enjoyed each other’s company. Going out to dinner was especially nice. After all, Hiro was his best friend, long before he was his boyfriend, or husband, and it felt great just to sit and talk over some great food
“When’s your next game?” Hiro asked, once they were on the subject of soccer. “I’m sure your team will make it to the finals, since they clearly have the cutest captain.”
Rei stopped chewing, due to his surprise. He played soccer, sure, but so did Hiro. Hell, if he was being honest, Hiro was a better player than he was. Why on Earth wouldn’t he be on the team? Rei swallowed, and was about to question that point, before thinking better of it. Better just to let it go.
Apart from that, it was a perfectly nice dinner. The moon was shining by the time they left. Its soft glow peeked through the trees, and beamed down the sidewalk lined with streetlamps. Rei was definitely chilly by the time they returned home, and happily accepted Hiro’s offer to run a bath.
Once it was ready, Rei undressed, and slipped into the water, sighing as the hot water stung his skin. It felt good, languishing so luxuriously. He liked this feeling, of being submerged, of feeling weightless…and he liked it very much when Hiro joined him.
“You’ve seen me like this before, Zero.” Hiro said with a smile as Rei drank in the sight of his nude form. “It’s nothing special.”
Rei hadn’t, really, not to his recollection. He could have been wrong about that. Still, it was a nice sight, seeing the form and curves of Hiro’s body. Unable to think of anything to say that wasn’t a cliché, Rei just smiled in response. At Hiro’s suggestion, he got a washcloth, and some soap, and began to wash Hiro’s back.
They were so…close. Physically. It was a large bath, but it wasn’t that big. There was something just so imamate about this, something that made Rei’s heart pound with anticipation. And watching the soap and water drip down Hiro’s bare back just made Rei’s attraction all that much greater.
He didn’t think that he ever made out with someone in the bath. That was quickly changed. It was exteremely satisfying.
Breathless, Rei could only watch as Hiro brushed his hair back. With a half lidded gaze and that smile of his, Rei all but melted. God, Hiro could ask him to do anything and he would do it without hesitation. So, when he suggested they go to the bedroom, Rei happily agreed.
He left the bathroom first having towelled off, and lingered at the doorway, waiting for Hiro, who was hanging up the damp towels. Something about that…bothered Rei. Or, well, not bothered, but struck him as odd. Of course, there was nothing that should bother him, so he brushed away the thought. After all…Hiro looked damn good.
They also had some damn good sex. Again. Rei couldn’t believe that this could happen, yet alone was happening. When they laid there afterwards, holding hands and looking up at the ceiling, how Rei felt was indescribable. The sex was great, yeah, but the whole day was great, along with being wonderful, delightful, euphoric, and about a dozen other things.
A while later, once they were in bed again, this time to sleep, Rei faced Hiro, who was about to turn off the lamp. He wanted to say so much, from I’m here for you to Thank you and everything in between. He settled for something that could summarize it all.
“I love you,” Rei said, packing as much meaning as he could into the statement.
“I love you too,” Hiro answered with the ease of having this exchange many times before, along with the assurance that he very much meant it.
When the lights went out, and the night stretched before them, Rei fell asleep to the sound of Hiro’s light and steady breathing. A beautiful sound, one that filled him with so much hope.
Rei woke up first that morning, although he didn’t get out of bed. It was just too nice, under the warm sheets, comforted by the sight of Hiro’s sleeping form. Well. It was nice at first, and then a panic grew inside of him. Hiro was looking far too still, laying there that like, mouth slightly agape. Oh dear God, this could not be happening.
“Hiro!” Rei gasped, shaking his shoulders. The relief when Hiro opened his eyes was immeasurable. Sighing, heart still racing, Rei leaned back. “Oh thank goodness.”
“What is it? Are we late?” Hiro asked with a stretch, looking over to the clock.
Rei shook his head, not wanting to talk about it. It would just bring up things he didn’t want to bring up. “No, it’s nothing. You get dressed, I’ll get breakfast.”
Even when he was standing over the stove, in his pajamas, Rei couldn’t stop thinking about all the images going through his mind. Hiro’s corpse was burned into his memory, as though it could never be replaced. An uneasy pit buried itself in his stomach. Everything that seemed off about this arrangement now felt glaringly wrong.
But he still had no proof. No hard evidence that he wasn’t meant to be right here, right now, making breakfast. Which was going to get burned if he didn’t stop thinking about his reality.
By the time he was finished, Rei couldn’t bear eating. He did start a pot of coffee, because, God, did he ever need some coffee.
“This looks great,” Hiro said, coming into the kitchen, and kissed Rei’s cheek as he rolled up his sleeves. “You’re not going to eat?”
“Yeah, uh, I’m just…not hungry right now. I’ll get dressed.” Rei was too distracted to notice any change in Hiro’s expression.
Not able to shake this feeling of dread, he dressed, he glanced over at Hiro’s side of the bed. The neatly made side, with a perfectly arranged bedside table. Neat, orderly, standard stuff. A wedding photo, a candle, a book…nothing note worthy, really.
Except...it was almost too perfect.
Hastily buttoning up his shirt, Rei opened Hiro’s closet, and looked in his drawers. Nothing was out of place, and rumpled, or anything else than pristine.
He knew what this meant. Or what he thought that it meant. As he went back to the kitchen, Rei hoped, hoped beyond belief that he was wrong. But he had to do something, a sort of test, to really check.
So, he watched Hiro eat the last bites of his breakfast, and poured out two cups of coffee, leaving the soy milk on the side.
“Ah, thanks.” Hiro said, smiling as he poured a splash of milk in his coffee, and stirred it liberally. Then, he got the milk carton, and turned to return it to the fridge.
It never got back to the fridge, as Rei slapped it out of his hand. As it splashed across on the floor, Rei gritted his teeth.
“Who. Are. You.” He snarled, words clipped and short, not caring how hurt and surprised Hiro looked. Because this wasn’t Hiro. It never was.
“Zero…is this another one of your spells?” The imposter said with a laugh, backing up slightly, pressed against the counter as Rei advanced.
Physically, everything was the same. No matter how close Rei looked, he couldn’t spot a single flaw. Even that mole at the base of his collarbone was in its place. But that was just the surface.
“You’re not Hiro.” Rei said, anger and resentment pouring out of him as he put everything together. “This is some sort of trick, I know it is.”
“How? How could you say something like that!”
“It’s the fucking milk!” Rei swore, throwing the mug of coffee he still held, onto the floor. He was shaking with so much pent up emotion, he could hardly see, or breathe, but he had to say it. He had to say everything.
“Hiro never put the milk back. No matter who reminded him, or how many times, he always forgot.” Rei’s shoulders shuddered with an exhale, remembering now, those true memories, the ones that were hidden under such deep idealization.
He smiled, sadly, to himself, not this clone, as he continued. “He didn’t hang up the towels after a bath either. He hated doing the dishes. He couldn’t stand people being sick, he never wore lip balm, he was a mess when it came to sad movies, he loved to do puzzles but never liked finishing them…he was a person and you’re nothing more than a pathetic copy of that!
“Hiro was never mine and mine alone. He loved me, and his family, and his friends, and countless other people! He wasn’t an obedient little machine that just wanted to make me happy. He wasn’t perfect, he wasn’t always happy and chipper, and I loved him for it.”
That did it. There was no going back now. Rei knew that before, but seeing the look that twisted this clone’s features into a mask of sheer rage, really cemented the reality of the situation.
“What a detective you are,” Hiro’s voice snarled, as the imposter spat in Rei’s face. “Fuck, you’re just too damn nosy for your own good.”
Rei made the mistake of trying to wipe his nose, and let his guard down. An opening that this fake Hiro used to their advantage. Rei was shoved with such strength that when he landed against the fridge the resulting smack echoed in the otherwise silent kitchen. He crumpled onto the ground, helpless.
“Don’t do this,” Rei’s voice wavered, as he looked up to see the imposter leering over him. could stand getting beat up, or beating someone else up, but this? This would be too much.
His voice verged on pleading, as he was hoisted up by the collar. “Please, please, don’t do this.”
This clone, whatever or whoever it was, relished that first punch. And the second. And the third. Had a good time jeering at Rei’s aspect too. Rei had to listen to the love of his life calling him everything from an idiot to a bastard to a slug.
Then, he had enough. Screwing up every ounce of strength, both physically and mentally, that he had, Rei shoved free from the imposter’s grip. He had to finish this, and there was only one way he knew how.
It was easy enough, really, to get the drop on this pathetic intimation. Too easy, by his standards. His training was back in his bones, or maybe it never left. Being underestimated was really the best possible thing that could have happened here.
Rei looked down at the snarling grimace of his beloved, and felt such a strong level of repulsion. This wasn’t Hiro. Still, as he held this fighting intimation down with his foot, Rei felt waves upon waves of guilt. He just couldn’t let this go, could he? He couldn’t let himself be happy?
Damn it. A pleasant lie really would have been better than a harsh truth, now wouldn’t it.
“I’m sorry,” Rei said, to all those memories of Hiro he held dearly, as he reached over for the sharpest knife within distance. The clone started to shriek and beg, but the tears that stung Rei’s eyes weren’t for this creature.
It was for Hiro.
He brought that knife down, not just because it’s what Hiro would have wanted, but because it was the truth. Hiromitsu Morofushi was dead. Dead and gone. No matter how harsh of a fact it was, Rei had to deal with it.
After all, this was his reality.
Rei woke up with a start, sweat pouring down him, nausea twisting his stomach. What the hell was that?
He leaned back, blinking up at the harsh lights. This wasn’t his house. Glancing around, he saw people in white coats, machines with all sorts of glowing dials…why was he in a freaking science lab of all places?
Then he felt the wires, attached to his skin. Promptly, he tore them off, wincing as a harsh beeping came from the machines and as the scientists squawked at him. It was as though bugs were crawling over him, even with those damn wires gone.
He sat up, wincing at how his head throbbed and how awful it felt with his shirt sticking to his skin with sweat. This wasn’t making any sense. Nothing about what just happened made sense, but this made even less sense.
“Ah, you’re awake!”
Rei squinted at his bedside, trying to recognize the shape that was talking to him. A male shape. With an oddly familiar, if slightly annoying, voice. “Kazami?”
“Yes! Oh, good, you remember.” Kazami, now coming into focus more, jotted down some notes on a clipboard. “You were in there for quite the while…almost twelve hours.”
Twelve hours? That didn’t feel right. Nothing about this was right. Rubbing his temples, Rei tried to take a deep breath. “Kazami. What happened.”
“Oh. Well, that’s to be expected, according to the other trial results.” Kazami adjusted his glasses, and glanced at his notes. “You were in a simulator. A test subject, for this new training exercise.”
“Which is?”
“A sort of dream machine, sir. Subjects are faced with their perfect reality, everything they could want, with the one catch being, they know it’s not real. We want to see how agents react, how long it takes them to get out of i-“ Kazami stopped, as he looked at Rei’s heaving form. “Are you alright? Are you nauseated? Here.”
Rei took the offered bowl with shaky hands, and a moment later, vomited. He couldn’t help it. The idea of this whole thing made him sick. Normally he wasn’t so squeamish, but this? This was just too much. How on Earth did they make something like this? Why did he volunteer for something so horrendous? His stomach churned with the memory of that fake-Hiro’s body, with the blood on his hands…Rei vomited again.
He didn’t feel better, not by a long shot, but he did felt…empty. In more way than one. Setting the bowl down, Rei ignored Kazami’s words of concern and stood up. He found his shoes, along with his jacket, and slipped them on. Nothing he could about his shirt, but it would be fine.
“There are some forms you need to fill out?” Kazami’s statement turned into a question as he flipped through the pages on his clipboard. “And we really need to keep you for observati-“
Rei gave him a stare. A stare that said, simply put, ‘I will do what I fucking please.’ That shut him up. Forms could be dealt with later. He couldn’t stand being around people right now, and he needed to get home.
He was in the basement of the PSB building, so it was easy enough to get to the garage. Once in his car, Rei downed half a box of mints, turned on the radio, and drove. Quickly. Slamming his foot down and just roaring as fast he could was the only way he could get his mind off everything.
But when he was back at his apartment, there was nothing for him. Nothing but a happy dog, wagging his tail, hoping for a walk. Rei scooped him up, holding him close. He wanted to be held, but this was as close as he could get. When Haro started to squirm, Rei set him down, and sighed, deeply.
He took a shower. Changed into loose, light clothes. Rinsed his mouth out. Drank some seltzer water. Fed Haro. Sat on the balcony, felt the wind rip into his skin, and stared blankly out into the horizon.
Rei thought he came to terms with Hiro’s death. Well, not ‘come to terms’ so much as having a solid plan for justice. For revenge. For something, something to make him feel satisfied, and at peace. He didn’t doubt that before, but he was sure doubting that now.
Everything he believed in, everything he thought he knew, was now doubt worthy. What just happened, in the past twelve hours, filled him with such a deep feeling, one that he couldn’t name.
He sat out there, on the balcony, waiting for something. Some sort of realization, or epiphany. All he got was a cold chill settling into his bones. Then, he went inside, and went to bed. It was early. Too early for Haro to sleep, so he rested there, in the dark, alone.
Holding his blankets, Rei wanted to feel something he knew. Anger, rage, loathing, even something like sadness. He wanted to cry, or scream, or do something. But he could only stay there, motionless, in bed.
He would move on from this. After all, he did, in a way, when the real Hiro died. This would be the same.
Bitterness burned in his stomach. He had the perfect world in front of him. What would have happened if he stayed there? If they turned off the machine, would he have gotten pulled back into this reality, or would he have stayed?
Rei didn’t want to know the answer. He didn’t want to think about what he would have done if he had the option to live there, not knowing that it wasn’t real. He was scared to find the answers. The truth hurt him enough that day.
It took him a long time to fall asleep, even with Haro beside him.
He didn’t have any dreams that night. None that he could remember.