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Sakusa watched from around the corner. He stared at Atsumu's back as he was facing a small brunette girl. He examined Atsumu's response to her fidgeting in front of him. Situations like these happened often, and at first Sakusa wasn't bothered.
'It's what happens when you're famous.' Sakusa told himself. It didn't help the jealousy, though. Several confessions every week, and Atsumu's response never helped soothe the burning in his chest.
"How about you give me your number? That way I can text you." The setter said. It was his usual response to being confessed to. Sakusa knew it was just so he didn't have to directly turn her down, he would just ghost her anyway.
'Please.. Tell her that I'm your baby.' He begged. Their relationship hasn't gone public, and so far they haven't made plans to tell anyone yet. It was a secret, even from the rest of the team.
Sakusa saw the girl's eyes light up as she smiled, poor thing. She doesn't know that bleach blonde will just discard her number as he's done with the rest. For some sadistic reason he enjoyed the thought of her hesrt breaking due to Atsumu's already existing relationship. He wished Atsumu had just given her a flat out rejected. The conversation came to an end as they exchanged their goodbyes, followed by Atsumu promising to giver her a call sometime. Sakusa decided that was his cue to leave.
Weeks went by, as did several more confessions. Atsumu's behavior seemed strange. Sakusa may be paranoid, it he makes sure to give the other the space he needs, and doesn't snoop in his privacy. What struck him as strange, though, was that Atsumu started responding to his confessions differently. He started admitting that he already has a lover.
'We hadn't talked about going public yet,' Sakusa pondered. Then again Atsumu never specified to the girls who he is in a relationship with. He decided that this might just be his way of easing into the idea of going public. A soft smile appeared on his lips from the thought as he looked into the eyes of Atsumu's most recent admirer. Embarrassment mixed with pain could be seen just under her pupils. He knows Atsumu can see it too. He knows Atsumu loves it too. Why else would he change so quickly?
Shortly after, it got out that MSBY official setter, Atsumu Miya, is in a relationship with someone who is currently unknown. Well, unknown to most people that is. Sakusa felt smug for knowing he was the one the press is making a fuss about. How will all the news outlets react when it is revealed that Atsumu's mystery lover is none other than his own teammate, Kiyoomi Sakusa? Though he wasn't too keen on the idea of all the attention, especially the negative attention that he was bound to gain, the thought of the world knowing that he was the one to occupy Atsumu's heart made it all worth it.
Sakusa even felt a bit of pride when he listened to them all pester Atsumu about his relationship. Of course he had to act uninterested, not that it mattered anyway. After all he was the one Atsumu has been hiding from the world.
Not that it's been officially confirmed by Atsumu himself. After much thinking Sakusa decided to talk to him about it. Nervousness mixed with joy filled him when he'd think about being able to let the world know that he is, in fact, in love with Atsumu Miya. Not only that, but Atsumu Miya loves him back. He was quickly snapped out of his thoughts though, as a phone started ringing on his coffee table. Sakusa knew Atsumu must've accidentally left it, and he shouldn't snoop, but looking at who was calling him couldn't hurt.
What Sakusa didn't know, was it very well could hurt. And it did. He didn't answer but the caller ID gave him enough of an idea. The name was just the double hearts emoji, the same one that was next to his name. He dared not to answer, he just watched till the phone stopped ringing until he decided to pick it up. The caller had left a voicemail. It would be okay if he snooped, right? Just this once? Given the circumstances, Sakusa decided he wouldn't be in the wrong if he just gave the voicemail a listen. It didn't take him long to start the message, but processing felt like forever. Little had he known, he was just a losing dog as Atsumu stared into his eyes and watched him fall.
"Hi 'Tsumu," Sakusa could feel his throat tighten at the feminine voice on the other end. "I know you've been busy lately, but we still have a date set for this Saturday, right? I enjoyed last weekend a lot... I can't wait to see you again! Anyway, give me a call when you get this, bye!" Even though the voicemail ended, it was still replaying in his head. It felt so loud that he almost didn't notice the knocking at his door. He quickly marked the voicemail as unread and set the phone back where it was on the coffee table. There was a sour taste in his mouth as he approached the door, last weekend Atsumu said he was helping his mom, he said she needed some furniture moved because she had just gotten a new shelf. He decided to deal with it later, first the door.
Sakusa wished he hadn't opened the door though, as he was faced with the man that he thought had given his heart. Atsumu's face wore his usual smile, Sakusa's stayed blank.
"Hey Omi, I forgot my phone here," Sakusa just continued to stare. "Mind if I grab it real quick?" No response.
"Omi? You okay?"
Sakusa was quickly pulled back to earth, he decided to pretend he doesn't know. Just to confirm, it's not the right time to talk about it yet.
"Yes sorry, please come in." He opened the door wider so Atsumu could enter before he softly closed it behind him.
"Your phone is on the coffee table by the way."
The pair walked to the living room, Atsumu grabbed his phone and placed it in his pocket before he started to head back to the door.
'Just stay one more night please? One more night then it's all over.'
"W-Wait, Atsumu." Sakusa called out.
The other man turned cocked his head a bit.
"We don't have practice tomorrow," He said, Saturdays were always free. "Would you like to stay the night?"
After listening to Atsumu's voicemail he almost expected him to deny, but Sakusa had forgot who was first to enter the setter's heart. Even though he would also have to be the first to leave, Atsumu was with him now, and that's what mattered to him.
"Of course, it is getting late now anyway, isn't it?"
The two spent the rest of the night in the bedroom, wearing nothing more than their own skin. Few words were spoken that night, but countless breaths and mutterings of each other's names. Sakusa's mind was empty as he and Atsumu stared into each other's eyes. Right now he felt fine, right now he was okay.
Someone to watch me die.
Morning came as quick as the night passed, yet Sakusa still felt dazed when he woke up. The sheets were cold, Atsumu wasn't beside him. There was a small sticky note on the other pillow, one of the ones he usually kept in his nightstand drawer. One of the ones Atsumu used to write small messages on and leave around his apartment for Sakusa to find. He picked up the sticky note and read what was written on it.
'Good mornin' Omi! Ma called again sayin' she didn't like how I set up her furniture. She asked if I could move things around again n' I said okay, I didn't wanna wake ya so I just decided to leave a note'
Sakusa's eyes filled with tears, knowing the real reason he left. He bit his lip to prevent any sound from escaping before he let out a sob. He felt so humiliated, it wasn't fair. He loved Atsumu, he loved him more than anything, and for once he hoped that he could be loved back. He hoped he was worth the trouble, but he let Atsumu be stolen away from him so easily. Even though he was the first to hold Atsumu's heart, he still lost.
Someone to watch me die.
Sakusa opened his phone with shaky hands and typed out a message to Atsumu. He knows when it's all over, and he won't put himself through the pain, even though he loves Atsumu.
'Do you think you can stop by my apartment tomorrow? There's something important I'd like to talk to you about.'
After pressing send he turned his phone on silent before turning it off. He stared into his reflection in the black screen. Black curles were tangled and his eyes were already getting puffy, he decided that going back to sleep would be a wise choice. So he slept and waited for the next day to come.
Even though Sakusa had lost, he couldn't help but try to hold onto him. He knows he's lost, and he payed the price for being by his side.
Sakusa would never take away the love he had given Atsumu.