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It hadn't been their intention to get caught, it really hadn't, although it may seem quite like it now. They should have been more careful, definitely, but it was so dark outside and they thought they were alone, so it didn't even seem like that big a deal. Unfortunately, people are always wiser in hindsight. If only they had known—
Everything just happened so fast.
Jungkook remembers the familiar warmth against his palm, fingers stroking his gently, then a soft look thrown his way, a puff of breath meeting his skin. He remembers the smile lighting up his boyfriend's face, vividly even, and the moonlight shining in his eyes, making him look even more breathtaking than he usually does.
And then—camera shutters going off all of a sudden, from all sides, viciously and shamelessly trying to get a piece of the couple that had managed to hide from the public for the longest time until that moment. They knew immediately, and without a doubt, that they were in big, big trouble. There was no way to deny what the paps had seen: a kiss, lips pressed together as a sign of love and utmost adoration. However, the reactions the boys have got so far are anything but. Hundreds of articles talking about their mishap (most of them with the title utter scandal), even analyzing their relationship over the years together. They are all over the news, outed against their will. There are fan wars, too. Jungkook saw some hashtags trending. People started arguing on social media not even half an hour after the pictures had been released.
He is not even exaggerating when he says their names are everywhere. Everybody is talking about them, criticizing them, shaming them. The eyes of the world are on them, literally.
The boys called an emergency meeting with Bang Si-hyuk and their managers right after Jimin and Jungkook had managed to escape the cameras, but there was no way to fix this. The pictures were good, and the two clearly recognizable. It would have been a pathetic attempt to explain why two band members (two guys) would kiss each other platonically, on the lips at that. There was no one around for it to be fan service, either. It was unmistakable evidence.
"How could you be so reckless?" Sejin, the manager they are all closest with, asked the couple. "This might be the end of everything."
"You two have been gambling with the group's reputation for years, and I let you, which is now coming back to bite me in the ass," Bang added angrily. "Now it might actually be over for you guys. And for what, exactly? What the hell were you thinking?"
Jimin did all the talking, trying to explain what had happened, what had been going on in their heads that inevitably led to this disaster. Jungkook, on the other hand, was crying for both of them. He just sat there and listened to their argument, tears streaming down his young face, scared shitless of what might be the outcome of this. Would he have to break up with Jimin? Or maybe worse, would one of them have to leave the group? To ensure that they were over for good? Maybe they both would have to go, or perhaps the band as a whole would not be able to continue. Jungkook didn't know, didn't know anything at all, and it frightened him all the more. It still does.
It is way after midnight now, probably around three or four o'clock. Jungkook is lying in a bed, in some shady motel in Seoul where no one would ever expect to see him. He came here after the meeting, hat low, running until his legs were about to give up. Jimin has tried to call him several times, but Jungkook still isn't ready to pick up just yet and, truth be told, he is afraid of what Jimin actually has to say.
There are some other missed calls; one from each member, two from Taehyung even, except—
Namjoon.
It kills Jungkook to have disappointed their leader, to have potentially jeopardized his bright future as a rapper, producer and gifted songwriter. Namjoon was the start of it all, why Jungkook came to Seoul in the first place. He is the reason Bangtan exists, the reason they have withstood any storm to come their way since 2013, and the reason they have been able to come this far. Without him, most of their discography would be almost non-existent, and overseas interviews would only consist of awkward glances and uneasy silence. Namjoon is not only a very important part of their group, but everything to Jungkook, too — a leader, a role model, an inspiration, his hero. And now he won't even talk to the youngest.
Jungkook cries into his pillow, quietly, fingers gripping the dirty fabric, and then—
There is a soft knock at his door.
"Kook, may I come in?" a muffled voice resounds from the corridor, one he would recognize anywhere and at any time.
Sniveling, he looks up from his pillow, eyes probably puffy and wet, but he doesn't care. How could he care when it's him—the person who knows Jungkook like the back of his hand, knows him inside out, knows him better than Jungkook knows himself?
"Please," Jungkook bids hoarsely, and it is only a matter of seconds until the body joins him under the covers, holding onto the younger for dear life.
"What are you doing here alone, baby?" Jimin wants to know, voice barely a whisper.
"How did you find me?" Jungkook asks in return, but it is a superfluous question, really, because they always find each other at the end of the day. It's not important, either, as long as they are together, hands finding each other in the darkness of the night like they always do. Like they have done since the very beginning.
Jimin has always been there for Jungkook, has always understood him on a whole other level. Somehow, he's always known when to give the younger space and when to seek him out, to make him talk his fears away, to hold him close, and just be. To others, fans especially, it may have looked as if Jimin was clingy during the first few years, and perhaps he was in some ways. But it has never actually bothered Jungkook. To be honest, Jungkook thinks he needed it, needed that little bit of attention in a city so big it made the youngest feel too small. And maybe Jimin needed it, too. Maybe they have always needed each other.
They need each other now as much as they did all these years ago. How people could not see, could not comprehend how important Jimin was in Jungkook's life; how people could doubt the bond they have; how people could judge them for loving each other; Jungkook will never understand. But perhaps they don't need them to understand as long as they have each other, as long as they know what they mean to each other themselves. It will always be enough.
"I love you," he whispers against the older boy's lips. They are wet with Jungkook's tears. "You know that, right?"
Jimin smiles but it looks pained, and Jungkook is already assuming the worst.
"I love you too, Jungkookie," he says nonetheless, though too quiet. The younger almost doesn't catch it.
They shuffle even closer then, arms wrapped around each other firmly as if to prevent the other from slipping through. There are times they aren't communicating enough, like right now. If only they would tell each other they don't ever, ever, plan on leaving, that they plan to be with the other for the rest of their lives (and probably even beyond)... then holding each other might not be so painful. And it might not feel like everything around them is slowly falling apart like a house of cards.
Jungkook can’t help but ask, "Hyung, what are we going to do?"
"Let's not think about tomorrow," is Jimin's response.
But the younger fears they are already drifting apart, and he is afraid to ask the only truly important question: Will you still be here at sunrise?
Jimin seems to sense his anxiety, because he does what he always does when Jungkook is filled with worry. He bumps their noses softly, locking ankles, and tells him that he will always be there listening; supporting and loving him, no matter what. And then, quietly, tentatively—they are kissing, lips finding each other in the dark, fingers running through hair and over skin. Jungkook wonders, at that very moment, if there will ever be a day when they'll be able to show their love in broad daylight. Or will they always remain lovers of the night, hiding in the shadows?
They are used to the pain of being a secret, to knowing they will probably never be able to buy that house on the beach of Busan where they can take long walks in the evenings, hand in hand, toes in the sand. Jimin and Jungkook learned the hard way that it can be both a curse and a blessing to love someone so deeply, so unconditionally and irretrievably, as they love each other. It is not fair, the younger thinks sometimes, but then again—they are lucky enough to have found each other at all, to have found the person they want to grow old and grey with, at such a young age at that. And, in the end, it is all worth it; every pain and every hardship. Because what they have found in each other is something Jungkook wouldn't trade for the world. They are best friends, lovers, soulmates.
What more could he possibly want?
It doesn't take long until Jungkook comes to lie on his back, the older boy hovering over him carefully, and lets himself be showered with love. He feels shy fingertips ghosting over the skin under his shirt, plump lips against his own, sweet nothings whispered into each other's mouths as they are breathing each other in.
Over the years together Jimin has learned how to make Jungkook feel loved and adored and cared for, how to tell him I love you without the need for words. They have rarely got the chance to be very vocal about their feelings for each other after all, with cameras following their every move and recording almost every second of their day. Sometimes Jungkook wonders whether the cameras not only captured their journey as artists but also as human beings. So perhaps, if he had a chance to watch every video recorded since their trainee days, he would not only see himself grow as a singer and performer but would see himself fall in love, too. Would see how his expression changes whenever he looks at Jimin, growing fonder and softer day by day, until, one day, the realization hits him that this is the person he wants to be with until the very end, no matter the consequences.
"Do you think Namjoon-hyung will forgive me for ruining his career?" Jungkook eventually asks with a big lump in his throat. He can still hear their managers' voices in the back of his head, yelling, threatening, predicting the band's downfall and telling them off for trying to have the littlest bit of normality in their lives. In all honesty, Jungkook will never fully understand why being in a relationship is such a taboo for people like them. Isn’t everybody deserving of love?
"He isn't angry with you," Jimin tells him, stroking the back of his boyfriend's head. "He could never. You know how much you mean to him."
"Why hasn't he called me, then?"
"Have you picked up any of our calls?"
No.
"Exactly," Jimin says despite not having actually gotten an answer. "He knows you, Ggukie. He knows you need some time to yourself first. It's been an awfully stressful night with all the paps following us and those articles going around. He probably figured the least you want is even more spotlight on you right now."
Jungkook nods, eyes falling shut every now and then from exhaustion. "So you really think he isn't mad?" he checks one last time.
"He isn't," Jimin assures him, pressing a soft kiss to the mole under his lips. Jungkook is falling in love all over again. "It was bound to happen sooner or later, anyway. We all knew. And it was a risk we were willing to take, as selfish as it may have been of us. But if you think about it... We have always had the support of the other boys, haven't we?"
"Yeah, we have" Jungkook sighs, a little relieved and also immensely glad to have been blessed with such wonderful people in his life. Selflessly, they are willing to put their jobs on the line for the two, just so they can enjoy some tiny moments of happiness together. There is never time for more.
"You should sleep. It's been a long night."
But Jungkook is scared Jimin might not be there when he wakes up, so he replies, "Hyung can sleep."
They both should, but they stay up the rest of the night instead, lying on the bed of that shady motel, talking, laughing, crying. They are both aware they need to get everything off their chests now that they have some time, before it runs out forever. The end feels near, already within reach. Every kiss feels bittersweet, every word like the last to ever leave their mouths. They don't know what is going to happen when their phones go off, and what their managers will tell them once they answer the call, or who they will be when the sun goes up. Will they be Jimin and Jung Kook from the world’s most successful boyband? Will they be Park Jimin and Jeon Jeongguk, two boys from Busan who were hoping to fulfill themselves in Seoul but failed? Or, perhaps, will they simply be Jungkook and Jimin, two lost souls that once used to be one?
"We will get through this, right? Everything will be fine in the end?" the younger asks then, every little nuance in his voice desperate and sad.
Jimin pulls him closer. "I don't know, Kook," he admits calmly, though his eyes reveal he is every bit as anxious as Jungkook is. "But I promise we will be all right. You and I will always be all right."
"You promise?"
He offers his pinky, and Jimin takes it without missing a beat. Jungkook knows he would never break his word.
"Always."
Through the shutters they can slowly see the sun rise.