Chapter Text
Columbo was driving more carefully than was usual for him. He checked the rearview mirror, yep, still there. A little black fuzzball the size of a cat, a small cat. Duchess, it was called, whined anxiously from the backseat. Back at the scene of the arrest, Columbo hadn’t given it a second thought, they were gonna take the poor thing to the pound, and that ain’t where something like her belonged.
'Ma'am, I'm sorry you're upset, but see, your father was a very bad man.'
Duchess made another long whine and pawed at the window.
'Hey you're gonna meet my dog, you'll like em even if he hasn't got much in the way of personality. He's a nice quiet sort of fellow. Maybe not as uh, cultured as you are, but I’m sure you'll get along just fine.'
Dog did not know what to make of her. He had lumbered forward to greet him at the door, but cowed, and backed up behind Columbo’s legs when he saw Duchess.
‘Dog this is gonna be your new sister, say hello to the lady proper.’
Duchess snarled showing her sharp little white teeth. Columbo scratched his head, this was not going as expected.
Until she stopped growling at Dog, Columbo carried her around the house, showing her around.
‘It’s a little messy in here, I hope you don’t mind.’
He placed her tentatively on his little green couch across from his black and white television set.
‘You can sleep here if you want, and I’ll sleep with Dog in my room. I guess you’re probably used to real fancy stuff, I saw that canopy bed of yours. I bet you had a better mattress than I do, I’ve been wantin’ to get a new one for awhile, but those guys at the mattress store-’ Columbo continued to talk to the dogs as he prepared their supper. He didn’t trust dogfood that came in a can, it seemed like he read something every week about somethin bad going into canned petfood. His recipe tonight was mostly ground beef, carrots and oats.
Columbo was pleased that Duchess didn’t turn down the food, in fact she ate with great vigor, and Dog as always slurped his down.
After supper, Columbo sat down on the couch beside Duchess to see what was on tv. Dog curled up and his feet and Duchess also didn’t object. Bend of the River was on with Jimmy Stewart, and so he settled in to watch it. Columbo noticed, looking over at the poodle that she actually had little black ribbons in her fur, one by each ear. ‘Should I start doing that with my hair, huh?’ Duchess did not respond, he didn’t think she found him amusing.
The daycare Columbo used for Dog banned Duchess after one day on the grounds that she was not ‘well-enough socialized for the group environment.’ So he had no other choice but to bring her with him when he was suddenly called in.
Although no one objected, it was a little bit of a hassle to carry her around the whole time he was looking over a scene. It seemed she had separation anxiety, and could not be left in the car, so he just tucked her under the collar of his trenchcoat and supported her body with one hand, the one that was usually reserved for cigars.
‘Geez louise, you see what you’re putting me through, you want to people to look at me strange?’ On the contrary, Duchess had become the darling of crime scenes, but he didn't want that to get to her head.
Duchess just licked her chops and stared at him in that dog way that said ‘what are you blamin me for, I’m just a poor innocent guy.’
About the third time he had to do this, one of the officers suggested to him that he get ‘one of those papooses,’ ‘like for babies.’
‘Uh, I think she might object to that, but it’s a good idea.’
It was a good thing Duchess was what they called a ‘miniature,’ and was able to fit into the little sidebag that he was able to find.
‘What do ya think girl?’
Her head stuck out the top, and one paw out the side. She seemed comfortable but again, not particularly amused.
‘Well it’ll do.’