Chapter Text
Sunlight can be so soft. Deceptive, even.
The sun over the walls of Trost District burned hot as you rode through the inner gate. The journey away from the capital city had taken much longer than you had anticipated, the length of the ceremonies and the security and planning meetings which you had to stand and sit through dragging at a snail’s pace.
All the pomp and formalities you thought you had escaped for all those years had become your new line of work; you’d had enough of the job already, and it had barely been two months.
It wasn’t all bad, though. One saving grace was Her Grace’s humor and frankness. The conversation you’d had with her after the coronation and Dot’s recommendation felt natural, like two old friends discussing the banalities and wonders of life. In order to keep your father and yourself safe from the purge, you had generously been provided an escape.
You were talented and knowledgeable and, despite behaviors that some in the aristocracy outwardly condemned, yet privately engaged in, you possessed a morality that would benefit the new government and Her Majesty.
Sweaty and sore, you secured your lodging in somewhat-less-than-prestigious accommodations with a fabulous stable along the river. Laying your riding gear out on a sunny patch of the bed to dry, you hastily changed your pants and fixed your hair, fingering the leather bands of your knife holster.
Should I stay strapped? Or leave it behind?
You removed the thigh straps and slipped the belt on your waist through the loop of the leather sheath, making sure to position the handle at a forward angle.
Making one last stop to drop a small heap of coin in the stable boy’s hands you burst forth onto the river promenade to stretch your legs before you went to call on Erwin. The storefronts along the gleaming river were somewhat paltry but, given the recent economic and political upheaval, it was to be expected.
A small sign of brightly colored chalk depictions of mugs and sweets caught your eye, though.
A tea shop? Oh, how lovely… I’m sure Erwin will appreciate something from here. Perhaps a mild red tea?
You sauntered into the small storehouse, momentarily blind from the sudden change in brightness. A young woman with strawberry blond hair and hazel eyes smiled prettily from behind a counter.
“Welcome! How are you today?”
Her eyes scanned you from head to toe swiftly, trying to determine what kind of customer you would be.
“I’m doing well. The weather is quite fine! Felt the need to explore what Trost has to offer someone with particular tastes.”
Your eyes moved slowly from hers down the outline of her throat, listlessly tracing the curve of her breasts. Heat rising in your chest, you met her eyes again, savoring the blush along her cheeks as she held her breath, lips gently parted.
Advancing towards her, a small black and silver badge on your hip bearing the emblem of a mace flashed as you whipped your cloak out of the way to retrieve a densely packed purse. The young woman’s face stiffened slightly as she searched yours warily.
“Oh, this?” You gestured to the badge, “please pay it no mind. We don’t have to talk about political matters on such a lovely day.”
Your smile, warm and inviting and reaching your eyes, disarmed her, her shoulders relaxing as she exhaled.
You indicated to her that you were hoping to purchase a mild red tea, and she laid out several tins. Astounded that such a small shop could have such a selection, you asked her for a recommendation. She responded by taking three tins with her through the rear doorway, out of sight.
Calling sweetly to you after a few minutes, she reappeared with a tray of three cups, all steaming.
“I suppose the best way to know which tea you would like is to try them.”
She smiled and set the tray down on the counter.
Cocking your head and brow, you reached for the middle cup. Bringing its edge to your bottom lip, you paused and looked directly into her eyes.
“Such amazing service; I wonder what other tastes you could offer me?”
The woman’s mouth gaped as she blushed again, unsure what to say. The corner of your mouth lifted in a one-sided grin, exposing your eyetooth.
Fuck, this might be fun.
You smiled again, closing your eyes as you sipped the red tea.
Barley. Toasty notes, with a deep earthy core.
Ah, this isn’t red tea at all… what a disappointment.
You sighed, shaking your head slightly as you grumbled.
“While I’m sure you’d like me to taste all your wares, I fear they’ll be equally substandard…”
You lifted the cup in your hand, draining its contents before setting it firmly back on the tray.
“I’ll be satisfied with a tin of this tea here for now.”
She blushed again, nodding her head and swiftly removing the tray from the counter. Bored, you peered at the labels under the tins on the shelves, wondering how many of the ‘teas’ were legitimate.
You debated whether to scold the woman for lying as a pretext to seducing her when she returned with a small paper bag of three tins of the tea and a sleeve of small round confections. Her head was bowed as she held out the bag, her cheeks bright red.
“Please. I know that the teas in my store aren’t truly what the labels say they are. I know you don't look like Military Police, but I don’t know who to trust these days. I apologize for misleading you, and I simply ask that you forget this occurred.”
Her hand was trembling, but her breathing was controlled. A subtle scent of fear wafted to your nose.
Damn it. I’ll have to give her space to calm down.
You took the bag from her hands, setting it on the counter gently as you plopped the heavy purse next to it. Three gold coins clattered onto the wooden surface, eliciting a small jump from her. Grasping her hands in yours, you stroked them with your thumbs.
Her skin was warm, even though she was clearly terrified. She looked up, golden eyes locked on your own, her breath catching as the blood suffused her lovely cheeks.
“Never give without an equitable exchange.”
Dropping her hands, you closed your purse, grabbed the bag and about-faced, striding briskly into the street.
The sunlight was bright and strong as you made your way to the division headquarters where the Survey Corps was housed. After a few minutes of walking, the heat of the sun on your back reminded you of your windswept appearance, with the strong smell of wool and sweat curling in your nose. Removing your cloak, you stopped to shake it out vigorously, partially untucking the back of your shirt to catch a breeze.
The air on your back felt cool, as the rivulets of sweat began to evaporate. You hadn’t changed your shirt before leaving your room, but it was no matter; Erwin wasn’t a stickler for things like that. He wouldn’t mind your disheveled appearance, as long as your company was gratifying.
“Daniella.”
She stopped in her tracks, skirts rustling softly from the sudden change in momentum. That voice, one she hadn’t heard in years, calling her name. Should she turn?
“Erwin. What an honor.” She drawled sarcastically, turning around slowly.
The young Survey Corpsman held the carriage door open, extending his hand to her, a subtle smile that never quite reached his eyes playing across his face for a moment. She lightly placed her hand in his, stepping into the small dark space.
As the door of the carriage closed, the gentle lurch and the clip-clop of the horse were the only discernable signs of movement for a few minutes. The silence was finally broken, unceremoniously, by her.
“So, what do you want?”
Her eyes languidly surveyed Erwin’s face, her head tilting disinterestedly to one side. He shifted his gaze from the scenes of life outside the small window to her, no smile or change in emotion perceptible; if he was offended by her directness, he betrayed nothing.
“I’ve heard that you’re making quite the name for yourself. Shirking most of your noble duties, cavorting with servants of higher-status families. Cooking.”
He smirked at the word, eliciting a small chuckle from her. Spreading her legs under the long skirts and throwing one arm up along the back of her seat, she shook her head.
“And how would you know anything of what I’ve been up to in Mitras, hm? Keeping tabs on me since my mother died? I thought you’d be too busy avoiding death outside the walls… chasing whatever drove you from the arms of that pretty girl from the bar.”
His eyes widened slightly; how did she know about Marie? He hadn’t spoken with her directly for at least five years, not since the funeral for her mother. He had never spoken before of the woman from so long ago with her, or anyone for that matter.
"Dani, how – ”
She tsked, waving her hand dismissively while staring him down.
“Back to the point, Squad Leader; why track me down in the middle of a hunt?”
She leaned forward to place her elbows on her knees, hunching over and staring up at him. He didn’t recognize the practically feral creature before him. Despite the same lips, cheeks and eyes that had lit up during her private lessons with his father, the woman in front of him seemed cold and hard, lacking the joy and curiosity of that girl.
A pang of guilt surged through him. He should have kept her close after they lost his father. For years, she had visited their region with her mother, who would leave Daniella with Erwin to play, or to study the maps and various curios along the shelves in the Smith family's small library.
She was fascinated with nature, and they would venture into the surrounding woods and fields to explore. She was no older than he was, yet he knew that she had been far less knowledgeable about the world they lived in.
The years that had passed without seeing her drove him farther from the boy he was, his relentless pursuit of proof turning him away from the frivolities of youth. He hadn’t really thought of her until he received word of her mother passing; it was only then that he had learnt of her activities over the years.
She had stopped all traditional lessons for noble women a few years after he had left, preferring instead to fight and train with weapons alongside the boys aspiring to become Military Police. She rebelled against her father any chance she could, causing a stir when she would leave their opulent apartments dressed in a simple tunic and pants.
She began carrying a knife on her thigh, which drew more unwanted attention from the rest of the nobility and the Military Police, forcing her father to lock her away in their estate north of Wall Sheena. When her mother died, she had been gone from Mitras for three years. Her return seemed to signal a change in her demeanor.
She was outwardly compliant with most of her father’s requests, attending parties and taking on a few of the duties her mother had held when important noblemen and businessmen would visit.
Outside of those infrequent events, she would scarper off in a hooded cloak and pants, wandering the back streets of the large houses around the royal city, peeking into kitchens and making inroads with the cooks and maids of almost every noble house. She would watch them cook, grabbing ingredients herself and mimicking the more experienced kitchen staff.
She had developed many friendships, in addition to a budding culinary talent. Inquisitive and devious, she also began compiling a black book on the nobility. The loyalty she had earned over the years from the staffs of the great houses protected her true identity, and while it was suspected that she was the phantom that stole secrets and shameless moments from the lips of servants, it could never have been proven without scandal.
She had laid quite the trap for any potential enemies, which was precisely what Erwin was counting on.
“I need your assistance in a matter that I believe requires a deft hand. There are elements within the government that, as you know, would rather disband the Survey Corps, and dispel any ideas of venturing outside of the walls. While I want to believe that our mission is cause enough to maintain a strong base of support, I’m also not so naïve to believe that our opposition is coming from an equally pure stance.”
She leaned back, crossing her legs. The skirts fell into her lap, revealing two leather bands around the middle of her thigh. She studied his face, trying to discern what he was getting at; did he need information? Or did he need action?
“So, I take it you need to know about anyone attempting to mess with the Survey Corps. Does this include information that would help you, specifically? Or only that which you could use to protect the Corps? Be more direct, Erwin.”
He stared at her thigh, recognizing what was clearly a harness for the knife she kept on her at all times, though it appeared that the knife rested on her inner thigh. He found that possibility fascinating.
“I believe there is a group or an individual seeking to profit from disbanding the Corps. Our movements as of late have been intensely scrutinized, as they have been simultaneously restricted. I believe this element has some ties with the Military Police, considering there has been an increase in discrepancies on inventories of equipment and supplies for the vertical maneuvering gear we rely on. There is a distinct lack of alarm from the committee that determines the military’s budget about these missing resources. I have no proof whatsoever; simply an instinct.”
Daniella uncrossed her legs, sitting upright in the plush seat, her skirts cascading down to her feet. The carriage wasn’t moving very fast, and the driver seemed to understand that this journey had no set destination. She looked out the window, the street scene passing by brightly lit by sunshine.
Clenching her teeth and inhaling suddenly, she leaned across the distance between their knees, placing her hand on his thigh.
“I think I’ve got some pertinent information for you, my old friend. Specifically, where you might find some of that missing equipment. When would you like me to show you?”
His eyes glinted. He had played the right cards, his gamble paying off. She had always been bright, tenacious and full of life, so of course she would be useful. With her finger on the pulse of the royal city, she was the perfect informant.
“We could go right now,” he offered. She nodded.
“We’ll have to make a detour first. I need to change; these skirts are going to make it hard to run, if we must.”
The maze of barracks had finally spread out before you, the freshly beaten cloak once more fastened around your shoulders and shirt snuggly tucked into your trousers. A large door stood open, the gaping entrance like a huge mouth leading into a dank bowel.
You shuddered, moving quickly into the darkness of the main corridor and angling for the stairs.
Must get to the second floor…
You could see the glow at the top of the stairs, and your heart raced as the cold air of the stairwell whipped around you; you needed to get out of the cold enclosed space, to get from between the suffocating barriers around you.
Rounding the corner on the last step, you paused, catching your breath and feeling your heartbeat slow.
The second-floor corridor was bright. Your eyes adjusted quickly to the change, blithely enjoying the streams of warm light filtering through the various open doors as you strolled down the hallway, lightly clutching the small brown bag.
A large set of closed double doors to the right loomed dark within the soft light, where you were almost certain that he was holding council with his squad leaders. Considering what you knew about the impending mission to retake Shiganshina District, and your in-depth understanding of Erwin Smith, there weren’t many other options.
The sound of voices filtered through the door as you approached, with Erwin’s distinctly full tone dominating your attention. Hearing chairs scrape, and a few chuckles as the door was pulled open, the familiar face of Hange Zoë came into view.
“… you used to have such a crush on him.”
Hange’s face was tense.
“Shut your stupid mouth.”
The small group dispersed into the hallway, Hange catching your eye for a moment before their attention was drawn back to the door being abruptly closed behind them.
“Levi…?”
They looked quizzically at the door, and then turned to you to speak; you raised your finger to your lips, coyly smiling as you shook your head slowly. Creeping to the door, you motioned for them to head out, mouthing, ‘I’ll talk to you later’.
Gently, you rested your back against the closed door, listening intently with slow and shallow breaths.
“…what are we going to do after retaking Wall Maria? I assume…”
The voice, with its slightly grinding rasp cutting through a sultry depth, could only belong to Levi.
“… There seems to be someone out on the other side of the walls who’s determined to see us eaten by titans. And our best shot of finding out who seems to be in that basement. So as I said before, let’s think about that after we get to that basement.”
Oh, Erwin. More instinct?
The raspy voice cut through your thoughts.
“You realize I’m asking you because I don’t know whether you’ll live that long, right? You can’t move like you used to be able to. As you are, you’re titan food.”
Your eyebrows really flew up at this insolent statement. You knew that Erwin had lost his arm, knowledge gained second-hand from Dot over tea, who then practically sat on you to keep you from rushing the infirmary. Even still, Levi's notorious disregard for rank caught you off-guard.
“…I’m not carrying any extra baggage. You stay here and wait for the good news. I’ll tell them that I complained until you gave in; in fact, that’s what I plan to do. All right?”
The silence that followed felt unbelievably tense. You were certain the directness of Levi’s words had cut through Erwin’s stubbornness. You could feel yourself trembling, something that felt unnatural, wrong. The bag in your hand was crumpling as your fist clenched. Surely Erwin would–
“No.”
Your heart dropped. Your eyes went up to the ceiling, suppressing a strong desire to sigh. He continued.
“I don’t care. Use me as bait.” You son of a – “The chain of command will remain. If I can’t lead, Hange will. If Hange can’t, the next in line will.” Fucking liar, you’re not this selfless, why – “I admit this operation will be difficult, but it will also be the most important in human history –” Oh, for fucks sake, here we go – “ – I’ve put everything I have into it. This is my plan. Without me, it’s less likely to succeed.”
You shook your head, looking down at your soft leather boots, visibly worn from so many years of prowling and running and living. Had Erwin ever truly lived? Levi interrupted your thoughts once more.
“You’re right. The operation might fail. And if you bite the dust while we’re at it, we’re done for. You just need to sit and use your head. That’s enough. That’ll do more than anything else will to trip up the titans and help humanity.”
This man is making sense, Erwin. Pay attention.
“No, that’s not true; I can do the most good by staking everything on this operation and – ”
“Oi, oi, oi, stop. Stop. If you give me one more noble-sounding excuse, I’ll break both your legs.”
Your heart skipped a beat. Threatening Erwin so directly, after insulting him and bluntly calling him out, made something in your stomach flip; this man had some serious mettle. His voice continued in a low growl.
“I’ll make them easy to put back together later but break them enough to make sure you stay behind. Of course, it’ll hurt to go to the bathroom for a while.”
You grinned wide, chuckling silently to yourself. Erwin’s own laughter rippled through the door.
“That just wouldn’t do. Of course, you’re right; it’s better for a wounded soldier to stay off the front lines. But, you see…”
Dammit, Erwin.
“... I have to be there at the moment we learn the truth about this world.”
Ah, there you are, you selfish bastard.
Your thoughts buzzed with anger. You’d known for a long time that the ostensibly pure motivations of the esteemed Commander of the Survey Corps were elaborately spun webs of deceit hiding a breathlessly egotistic goal.
There was a small window in time where you’d believed his spiel about the battle to free humanity from the terror of the titans. You had contemplated a late entry into the military, just to be part of the action and to feel some greater motivation beyond revenge and vindication.
Those days were long gone.
“…Fine. Erwin… I’ll trust your judgement.”
You felt the slight vibration of the door as Levi gripped the handle. Lightly spinning around to enter, you did a once over of your clothing; everything looked fine. You pulled a long sniff of your clothes; the strong scent of wool and sweat had disappeared.
As the door opened, Levi’s face appeared, his eyes cast to the ground. He pulled the door shut with a slam behind him. Gasping at the suddenness of his exit, you clenched your teeth as his eyes lifted to meet yours.
“And … what do you want?”
His expression registered no confusion, no curiosity. Just acknowledgment of your presence. You bristled slightly at the informal tone, cocking an eyebrow.
“Nothing you need to concern yourself with, Captain.”
You took a step back, bowing slightly with an extended arm, maintaining eye contact with the steely grey eyes now boring into you. He sighed heavily, looking away.
“The Commander is busy. Go away.”
He pursed his lips lightly.
They’re still quite full for such a sour expression...
Your lips parted slightly as you looked him up and down.
“I suppose it’s a good thing he’s not my Commander, now isn’t it?”
You advanced towards the door, hand lifted lazily to knock. Levi intercepted, grabbing your wrist firmly. The roughness of his palm felt warm and dry on your skin.
“He doesn’t need to be bothered.”
He turned his head towards you as you smirked.
“I don’t think he’s going to mind my company.”
You flicked your wrist, rapping your knuckles against the door. Levi’s cold eyes never left yours.
“Come in.”
Winking at the slightly disgusted captain, you brushed past him as you opened the door.
Erwin was standing behind a large desk, staring out a set of large windows. He turned his head as you beamed, raising the bag for him to see. His eyebrows lifted slightly; you wondered whether you or the tea had come as a surprise.
“I brought gifts. Tea and… biscuits, I believe. I’ll have to go back to ask that beautiful liar at some point.”
Your heart raced slightly at the thought of returning to the tea shop to torture the hazel-eyed woman again, before inevitably baiting her into satiating your desires. Erwin gestured to the chairs and table between you.
Setting the bag down at the head of the table you removed your cloak, falling heavily into a chair. Swinging your legs up onto the table, you crossed your ankles as you smiled at him. After a few seconds, you clasped your hands, twiddling your thumbs.
“So… I suppose you’re not entirely surprised to see me?”
He smiled.
Fucking finally.
“No, I’m not. Pixis told me that you would likely find me as soon as you were situated in your new role. I expected you wouldn’t wait for me to return to the capital.”
You nodded your head slowly. Looking across the table at him, you could see the limpness of his right sleeve, the black material falling lamely at his side.
Taking your legs off the table, you leaned forward with your hands out. Erwin stared blankly at them for a moment, then his right eyebrow lifted.
“Dani?”
“For fucks sake, man, give me your hand.”
You smiled mischievously, all the while feeling a tugging sensation in your stomach, beseeching you to move in his direction.
There had always been too much distance and poor timing between the two of you. The gulf between you never seemed to widen, but simply deepen with missed opportunities to take a different path.
This childhood friend that had disappeared when your beloved tutor was murdered by the crown for being intelligent became the man who had materialized years later and dared to offer you support when you lost your mother.
The same man that had come all the way to the interior after a five-year absence to use your skills and lack of remorse to his advantage, brazenly enjoying the pleasure of your company in sporadic affairs thereafter.
Erwin brought his hand to yours, and you felt its warmth. You traced the lines in his palm, counting the callouses. Comparing the differences and similarities with your own weathered hands.
You knew that women in the military had hands like yours; you wondered for the umpteenth time whether you should have blindly followed this blue-eyed demon into the fire all those years ago.
His fingers curled around yours, squeezing lightly. The affectionate gesture at once made you lightheaded and annoyed; is this how he tells you that he will never come back? You pulled your hands back.
“You know, you could have told me before your little coup that your arm had been eaten. You knew where I was the whole damned time, Erwin.”
Waiting for you.
Crossing your arms, you sat back in the chair and stared through the window at the sky. The sun was low, getting closer to dusk with every passing minute. Erwin sighed softly.
“Daniella, I apologize. Perhaps I didn’t –”
“Consider me? Yes, I’m sure that’s what happened. I don’t cross your mind unless you need something from me, isn’t that correct?”
Your voice was calm, and your demeanor cool, but your heart and stomach were writhing with anger… and something else. Sadness? Longing? Who knew; certainly not you. Standing abruptly to stretch, you walked to the window he had stood by not minutes before.
The river glistened under the last rays of sun reaching over the wall.
“Erwin. I’m not mad. In fact, I’m curious. All of this for a dream… how can knowing what’s outside the walls be worth dying for?”
Somewhere on the promenade, you knew that tea shop was closing for the day, the young woman going through her daily inventory before locking the doors. Erwin rose from the chair to join you at the window, resting his good shoulder against the frame in the middle.
“Dani, do you remember when everything changed? When did you finally understand why my father was killed?”
Well, that was unexpected.
You contemplated the dives and soaring arcs of a few birds before answering.
“I suppose it was when you joined the military. My father wouldn’t allow me to attend your father’s funeral, and I stayed in mourning for a year, maybe longer.”
The river slowly darkened, the birds in the sky making their way to their nests.
“When I next heard about you, you were off in Wall Rose, training. I wanted to understand why you left, so I began to ask my father’s associates about their children that had joined the Training Corps. Some parents were willing to talk to me about their children’s stated desires, or their intended outcomes for them… but none of them would acknowledge you. The mention of your name would frustrate them, anger them. It seemed strange to me that you, a boy they couldn’t possibly have known, would have been such a note of contention in conversation with every single high-status family I spoke to in Mitras.”
The sun dipped below the ridge of the wall, the sudden vanishing of its rays leaving behind a chill.
“I still had the book your father gave me the day he was killed, and I had kept it hidden out of a selfish desire to keep him close to me… I suppose by keeping it hidden I unwittingly saved myself from being banished or killed as well.”
Erwin looked at you wistfully, nodding slightly for you to continue.
“That book had all the things you spoke of with your fellow trainees, some of which was getting back to the nobility. Not the mind-control and erasing of memories, mind,” you side-eyed him, “but the stuff about the outside world. Things that were never supposed to be taught.”
Shaking your head, you sighed.
“You know, if your father hadn’t died… I would have followed in his footsteps...” Now you were the one with the wistful face.
Ugh, this is so trite. Time to press the subject.
Erwin was looking at the sky as you moved towards him. As you reached out for his open collar his eyes met your right hand and trailed up your arm to your neck, his own hand reaching out for your face.
You softly touched his neck just inside the fabric, letting your fingertips dance down the ridge of muscle leading to his collar bone. His fingers slid past your temple to gather your hair behind your ear and cup the nape of your neck.
You smiled softly, closing the distance until less than a foot remained between you, hand resting on his chest, fingertips pressing lightly on his skin. His eyes searched yours, both of you suspended in time by the tenuous threads of touch.
“It feels like I haven’t seen you in such a long time, Erwin, though it was only a few weeks ago.”
Your mind wandered through scenes from the past few years; the appeals for your talents, the lurid moments where the tension of his touch threatened to rip your body and soul into countless divine pieces.
After all that time…
“What better time than now to bear it all, on the brink of your extinction from this world?”
He winced slightly.
“You were listening.”
You rolled your eyes and nodded.
“Why wouldn’t I? That door isn’t very sturdy.”
Your mind jumped to the grey-eyed captain, and your heart beat a little faster.
“Oh, that reminds me… before you die, I want to know some things. Information that I would likely be unable to gather without you.”
Erwin’s head tilted inquisitively to the side, his brow furrowing.
Hmm… how will he take this?
“I want you to tell me everything about Levi.”