Chapter Text
She needed to talk to Amity.
Or maybe run as fast as possible in the opposite direction and never talk to Amity again. That would work too. But definitely one of those things.
Luz had just got home from Grom (the Owl House, not home, she reminded herself), and she felt terrible. She didn't think she had ever messed anything up as badly as tonight. For all her boasting, all her confident retorts to Eda, all her brash promises to Amity, the only thing she had actually accomplished was to embarrass herself in front of the whole school, and to make the friend that she'd let down have to come save her anyway.
And to make it worse – it had been fun. Really, really fun. Okay, maybe not running in panic from Grometheus while everyone laughed at the stupid human and she felt herself getting crushed beneath the weight of her illusion-mother's entirely justified disappointment. After that part. The part where she got Amity to open up to her, and they had their dance together, and it was so awesome because they were just like Azura and Hecate because Amity had hated her and now they were fighting a monster together and casting actual magic together and it just felt so easy and natural and right…
But it shouldn't have happened.
All that had only happened because she'd already messed everything up. Amity had come to her for help, and she'd wanted so badly to help her, wanted so badly to save her from the embarrassment that clearly terrified her, wanted just for once in her life to do something nice for a friend… and she couldn't even get that right. Grom beat her. Amity had to come save her. And Amity still had to face her fear anyway, with Luz right there to see.
Had she even been trying to do something nice, though? If she was honest with herself, maybe all she'd been doing was trying to prove to Eda that she was a real witch. Maybe Amity had just been unlucky enough to run into her at the wrong time. With a pang, Luz remembered that Amity, far from asking for her help, had tried to talk her out of it: she had thought Amity was worried for her because they were friends, but maybe she had just been subtly telling her to butt out. Hadn't Amity already accused her of always sticking her nose in other people's business when they were fixing Willow's memories?
She really needed to talk to Amity, to apologize for ruining her night. If only she had one of those scroll-phone-things, she could send her a message now…
But it really had been fun. And Amity hadn't seemed to mind all that much – maybe had even enjoyed it? She'd been smiling, laughing; during their dance they'd moved together so effortlessly, like they were reading each other's minds. People didn't click together like that if they weren't both having a good time.
Luz shook her head and laughed at herself. What did she know about what dancing with friends at a party was like? Amity's family was classy; she'd probably had lessons in dancing. Of course she'd be able to keep up with someone like Luz and make it seem effortless. For her, it would be.
She'd seemed to enjoy it, though…
Or, more likely, Amity was just being nice and trying to spare her feelings. Probably because Luz was Willow's friend, and Amity was trying really hard to make it up to Willow for all the years of bullying. Yeah, that… that made more sense than her actually having a good time. With Luz, of all people.
Luz looked down at her phone and the texts from her mother. For months she'd been worried about going home, because, apart from her mother, it wasn't really home. It never had been. She'd only ever started to feel at home, well, here. Started to think that maybe she belonged in the Boiling Isles after all.
Maybe she was wrong. Maybe she didn't belong here either. Maybe she didn't belong anywhere.
But that smile on Amity's face, when Luz had offered to go to Grom with her...
Another cold thought hit her. She had ruined Amity's chance of inviting her crush. Maybe Amity had still been planning to find him at Grom. She'd clearly been trying to work up the courage to do so – maybe that was why she had let Luz take her place as Grom Queen to begin with, so that she'd actually have time to go talk to her crush, instead of fighting a horrific fear-reading monster.
But no, she'd messed that up too. Instead of meeting with her crush, Amity had to go chasing after Luz to get her out of trouble yet again. And then – ha – Luz had assumed that Amity was worried about not getting a date, as if someone like her couldn't have anyone she wanted. So she'd presumed to invite herself to Grom as Amity's date, and of course Amity had accepted because she was just that nice.
"That's what friends do" – she'd actually told her that, as if Amity couldn't get a real date, as if she were doing her a favor by making her dance with someone who was just a friend. In front of everyone. That had to be embarrassing, for someone as popular and smart and pretty and funny and…
Luz shook her head.
She really needed to talk to Amity. But that would have to wait three whole days, until she saw her again at school after the weekend.
Somehow that thought was the worst.
It had been, beyond any doubt, the longest weekend of Amity's life.
The dance with Luz had been… well, anything after that was going to be a come down. Let alone going home to the manor. Emira and Edric had been very themselves, and teased her about Luz, oh, about once or twice a second all weekend at every hour of day and night. And they were all the more insufferable about it because they insisted they weren't teasing, that they were genuinely proud their baby sister had scored someone way out of her league, which… yeah, okay, fair.
Then there were her parents. Not that they knew about Luz – Amity shivered, and was thankful that Emira and Edric at least cared enough about her not to let anything about that drop in front of Mr and Mrs Blight. But they still knew that she had been chosen Grom Queen – not that they either praised her or sympathized with her for it, it was no less than they expected – and they knew that she had resigned the honor. Didn't she know how important it was that she be seen living up to the family legacy? The only reason they didn't punish her was that she ended up defeating Grometheus anyway. But they still made it clear they were disappointed she couldn't do it alone.
"I suppose she did the best she could," Mr Blight had said, and went back to his newspaper.
"And that's exactly the problem," Mrs Blight had responded.
So she spent most of the weekend (as much of it as she could steal away from Emira and Edric, anyway) alone, either in her room or at the library, writing page after page in her journal until her hand cramped. She wished she'd thought to get the rune to Luz's scroll, so they could talk even when school was out; but of course it had slipped her mind. And it wasn't like she could just ask Willow.
With all that, Amity was even more relieved than usual to arrive back at Hexside in the morning. She forgot even to panic about what to say to Luz or how she should greet her, and then oh Titan that's right they had Abomination class together now.
Luz came in talking with Willow and Gus, as cheerful and outgoing as she always was with her friends. For a second Amity felt a stab of jealousy and wondered whether she'd be welcome as part of their group.
Then – then Luz saw her, and Luz's face actually fell.
Oh. Oh no.
Luz was upset to see her again.
She tried to give Amity a quick smile, but her heart clearly wasn't in it. Amity smiled back weakly, then turned away and buried her nose in her textbook. She was aware of Luz standing nearby and looking at her, then after a second going away with Willow and Gus to sit on the other side of the room.
Amity chanced a look at Luz, but Luz was staring resolutely straight ahead.
After that the lesson started. But not even the threat of losing her Top Student badge could keep Amity's mind on school just then. It was too busy trying to figure out just what she had done to offend Luz. She thought they'd had fun together… But then, she had told Luz, several times, that she didn't think she was ready to face Grometheus – only because she was worried about her! But she knew Luz was sensitive about her magic; she'd worked so hard for what little she had, and to be told so bluntly that it wasn't good enough…
Then Amity had chased after Luz to save her from Grometheus, which, actually, could be considered deeply insulting. The Grom Queen always faced Grom alone; everyone knew that. Someone stepping in to 'help' was as good as saying you didn't think they were a real witch.
And it was Amity's fault she was there anyway; if only she hadn't been so whiny and weak, Luz could have been enjoying the party with her friends instead of fighting Amity's battles for her.
Yeah, no wonder Luz was angry at her.
The alarm-demon screamed to signal the end of class, and everyone else started to pack their things away and get up to leave.
Everyone except Luz.
Who was coming towards her.
"Hi Luz!" said Amity, too loud, as she scrambled to slam shut her notebook where she now realized she had been doodling some very embarrassing things and oh please don't let Luz have seen any of that. She plastered on a smile. "Wow, class today was very… school!"
Luz gave a laugh and oh stars, that laugh, Amity was in so much trouble. "I was hoping I'd run into you," she said. "I just…"
"I know, I'm sorry!"
Luz blinked. "What for?"
"Oh. Er, nothing, nevermind, forget I said anything, ever, about anything."
Yeah, smooth.
Luz stared at her like she had two heads, then giggled.
Wait – giggled? Amity was almost entirely certain that giggling was not a sound humans made when they were angry. She should ask Gus and no she definitely shouldn't do that.
"I just wanted to ask," Luz was saying, "we get out of class at the same time, right? I kind of… would you maybe go on a walk with me? So we can talk?"
Oh. That sounded ominous. Maybe humans did giggle when they were angry.
Amity managed to nod and arrange where to meet Luz without coming across as any more of a hopeless disaster (barely). Luz smiled and waved goodbye with her usual disgustingly cute cheer – okay, so maybe not angry again? – and Amity went to her next class, trying not to obsess over what Luz wanted to 'talk' to her about.
As soon as her last class of the day ended, Amity walked in a calm, collected, and not at all panicky manner towards where Luz had asked to meet her.
She stopped suddenly. Luz was there, as bright and upbeat as ever, chatting animatedly with Willow and Gus. Amity's first thought was to wonder whether that girl ever went anywhere alone. It was so hard to catch her on her own – which was the reason why she'd never been able to ask her to Grom (well, one of the reasons). Her second thought was that Willow looked… happy. She hadn't seen Willow that happy in a long time. It made sense: Titan knew, she'd be happy too if she could spend time with Luz so easily; that smile of hers, that laugh, absolutely radiated joy on everyone around her.
Amity… didn't deserve to be part of that. Willow wouldn't want her there. And as much as she didn't want to look away from Luz's smile, she couldn't help but picture that smile vanishing off Luz's face as soon as she saw Amity walking up.
No, anything would be better than seeing that. She started to turn away.
At that same moment Luz looked up, saw her, and waved. Her smile… didn't vanish?
Well, they'd seen her, so now she couldn't run anyway.
"Hi guys," she said hesitantly, when she got near.
"Amity!" Luz almost squealed. She turned to Willow. "Hey, I can trust you guys not to get into too much trouble if I leave you alone for a while, right?"
Gus conjured an image of himself giving Luz a military salute. Willow, however, looked at Luz with a sly expression. "Why?"
"No reason! I need to talk to Amity about something."
"So?" Gus asked.
Willow touched him on the elbow. "Come on, let's give them some time alone."
"Thanks Willow, you're the best!" With that Luz all but dragged a blushing Amity away.
"I'm confused," said Gus.
Willow gave him a pitying look. After a moment his face lit up. "Oh, I get it!" he said. "They're planning a surprise birthday party for one of us!"
"Oh, Gus," Willow sighed.
"But it isn't either of our birthdays, is it? Wait, I bet it's a human thing: if they gave us a surprise party when it's our birthday, it wouldn't be a surprise! Humans are genius."
Meanwhile, Luz was leading Amity out away from the school. They passed the grudgby pitch, where a few students were playing an informal match while others looked on from the stands, and Luz kept going. They were starting to get into the woods now, and Luz had still barely said anything to Amity at all. They trudged along in silence, looking at their feet.
All of which was absolutely torturing Amity. It seemed Luz didn't have anywhere in mind and was just walking to be walking; was she… was she waiting on Amity to say something first? Maybe giving her a chance to apologize?
But no, Luz had asked to talk to her; she'd said to Willow and Gus that she had something she wanted to talk to Amity about. Which didn't exactly make Amity feel any better. Maybe she wanted to say they shouldn't be friends anymore, or that the dance had been a mistake and she regretted it (oh stars no please not that). Or maybe she was just disappointed with how Amity had been too weak to face Grom on her own. Amity's parents had always told her that no one would respect her unless she was the best; maybe that was what was happening here.
And yet Luz wasn't saying anything. Maybe she was waiting on Amity to make the first move, and was just getting angrier and angrier that she hadn't apologized yet.
"Hey, Luz," she said, panicked into action by that thought, "I've been thinking, and I wanted to say I'm sorry –"
Luz cut her off: "No, you don't have to apologize, Amity. It was my fault."
Wait. What?
Amity dared a glance at Luz. She had stopped walking, but was still just staring down at her feet. She didn't look upset: she looked forlorn. It wasn't an expression that belonged on her. It smote Amity to the heart, and for a moment all her other concerns and worries vanished, and all she wanted was to make sure Luz never had to look like that again.
"Luz, it's okay. You've never done anything to apologize to me for."
"I have. It's okay, I know I… I get kind of carried away sometimes, and I don't think, and I don't mean to but I end up making everything worse for everyone, and I'm sorry."
With every word Amity just got more confused. Whatever she had imagined, or dreaded, or hoped Luz was going to say, it wasn't this.
"I'm sorry, but I don't know what you're talking about," said Amity. She hated to say it: she had to be missing something stupid and obvious, and Luz was going to think she wasn't smart. "Did something happen over the weekend?"
"I know I ruined your Grom."
What.
Surely Amity hadn't heard that right. Of anything in all the Boiling Isles Luz could be beating herself up for, it couldn't possibly be giving Amity the best most spectacular wonderful night of her life.
Not that she could tell her that. She blushed just thinking about it.
"I thought it was a pretty fun Grom," she said, in an almost stable voice. Luz snorted doubtfully, and Amity went on: "No, really, it was definitely my favorite! I mean – it would have been my favorite, except for you. I mean – not like that! – except for what happened to you, I mean. With Grometheus. You know, the stuff that was my fault. That I'm sorry for. But apart from how horrible I was to you it was definitely my favorite Grom ever."
"That's really sweet of you," said Luz, and Amity's heart fluttered. "But I know I messed up. I mean, I had fun, and I'm glad you were there to save the day and everything – you looked so cool beating up that monster by the way! And in that dress, too! But… but you weren't supposed to have to do any of that. I was supposed to be your fearless champion. Instead I just made a fool of myself again and bit off more than I could chew, like I always do; and if not for you I don't know what would have happened to me."
Amity barely heard anything after I had fun. So, Luz… had enjoyed herself after all? And didn't regret it? And she thought Amity looked cool, and she liked her dress…
Luz was still talking: "And then, instead of enjoying the party, you had to spend time with, well, with me. Because you had to come rescue me."
Amity gathered up the courage to look at Luz's face again. She was looking away and didn't meet Amity's eyes.
"Luz," Amity said, heart breaking for her. She reached out to touch her shoulder reassuringly and oh Titan she was actually touching Luz on the shoulder like actually touching her with her hand and everything and what was she thinking she couldn't do this eeeeeee –
Amity closed her eyes for a moment. Luz needed her. She just had to not freak out for like five seconds, and then she could freak out all she wanted later. In her room. Alone. Maybe write about it in her diary. Later. Right now her friend (were they friends? was she that lucky?) needed her not to be a disaster.
"It sounds to me like we both messed up, and we both got each other out of it," she told Luz, and oh hey somehow that actually sounded almost rational, how was she managing to sound rational when her heart was beating so fast? Luz looked up and met her eyes and she almost lost her train of thought again. "You were only facing Grometheus to begin with because I panicked and couldn't handle it. But you volunteered to save me from that. And let's be honest, I haven't always been a great friend to you; you didn't have to do that. No one has ever, ever done anything like that for me before – offering to help me, just because you cared, without expecting something in return. You were there for me when I needed you; of course I was going to be there for you when you needed me."
Luz didn't say anything for a moment. She glanced down at Amity's hand, still on her shoulder, and smiled. Amity yanked her hand back.
"But, Amity, you didn't get to enjoy the party."
"Luz, I just told you, no one has ever done anything like that for me. Who else would I want to enjoy the party with?" She blushed to the tips of her ears. "And I didn't know humans could dance like that! You know, with your fragile bones and, and I should stop talking now."
Luz laughed, genuinely amused, and Amity was glad just to see her happy again. She went and sat down against the trunk of a nearby tree, looking up with fascination at the leaves overhead (maybe human trees were a different color or something?), and gestured for Amity to come sit next to her.
"I really did have fun," said Luz, as Amity sat down hesitantly. "I just… I kind of felt guilty for how much fun I had, because I thought, maybe you were upset."
"I'm not. I had fun too." She almost said It's all I could think about all weekend but managed to stop herself. Titan, she really had to get out of here, what was she doing just sitting here alone with Luz?
Oh. She was sitting here alone with Luz. Together. Just the two of them.
She swallowed. "So, is that… is that what you wanted to talk about?"
"Yeah. I guess it sounds stupid now, but I was really worried I had ruined your night." Luz's face fell. "Oh hex, I'm doing it again, aren't I? You probably just want to get home, and I dragged you out here with me for no reason, because I couldn't –" She started to get to her feet.
"No!" Amity said hurriedly. "I mean – no, I'm not in any hurry to get home. This is… this is kind of… nice."
Luz looked doubtful a moment, but Amity patted the ground next to her and she sat back down.
"It is kind of nice," she agreed. "I'm never going to get over how pretty the trees are here. It's something I'm going to miss, if – when I go back."
"You don't sound too happy about that. Do you… do you want to talk about it?"
Luz sighed. "I know I can't stay here forever, I'm just supposed to be at camp for the summer, but…" Unconsciously she reached out and took Amity's hand, and Luz was actually touching her hand, and Play it cool Amity, she just needs you to support her right now. She gave Luz's hand a squeeze, and Luz flashed her a grateful look.
"But I don't want to go back," Luz admitted. "I don't think I've ever actually told anyone that out loud before. But I never fit in back home. Never felt like I belonged there. My mom's there, and she's great and I love her and I do miss her, but I never – sorry, you don't want to hear this," she said, pulling her hand away.
Amity very much did want to hear this. "I'm not going anywhere. If you don't mind telling me."
Luz gave her another smile, and Amity felt herself smiling back reflexively.
"Really? I guess… I guess I never really had friends back home. Not like here. There, I'm just a weirdo – but here people almost seem to like that about me. Here I have Eda and King. And Willow, and Gus, and… and you, Amity. And sure, Boscha hates me, but she at least kind of respects me enough to hate me, you know? She doesn't just act like I don't exist."
Amity wanted to reach out and squeeze Luz's hand to reassure her again, but she didn't dare. (Oh, hey, and Luz did consider her a friend after all!) Her heart went out to her – if even getting bullied by Boscha was better than what she was used to, then Luz was right: she didn't belong back in the human realm. She belonged here. In the Boiling Isles. With Amity.
"You belong here," she said. Luz looked at her curiously and Amity realized she had said that out loud. "I mean – if you were to stay here, it would be their loss. I don't know much about the human realm, but it sounds like a pretty terrible place, if the people there are too stupid to realize how brave and smart and just all-around great you are."
Luz rewarded her with a broad, happy smile, and everything that had ever happened to Amity was worth it, to see that smile aimed at her.
"You said this was your favorite Grom ever?" Luz asked suddenly. Amity nodded. "Well, it was definitely mine too! I'm not sure how next year's could beat it. So how about this, then? If I'm still in the Boiling Isles next time, we'll hang out at Grom again together."
Amity blinked. Was Luz… asking her on a date? No, she just meant hang out as friends, that was obvious. But still, she was asking to spend time with her, almost a year in advance, because she enjoyed being with her. That was something. That was a lot of something.
"Absolutely."
Luz grinned again. She jumped to her feet and held out a hand towards Amity, palm open.
Right, this was one of those human things: you were supposed to… shake on it? She put her hand, trembling, in Luz's.
"It's a deal," Luz said happily.
"It's a deal," Amity agreed. "So you'd better be around next year to live up to it, Noceda."
Luz's grin widened. "Wouldn't miss it, Blight."
Amity could still feel Luz's hand in hers. Luz hadn't pulled away yet. Was that normal when shaking hands?
Luz sighed suddenly. "I guess I should be getting back to the Owl House. Eda will be expecting me for dinner." She hesitated. "I don't suppose you'd like to join us?"
"Oh, I – I would," said Amity, silently cursing. "But my parents wouldn't like – I mean, yeah, they'll be expecting me too."
The look of disappointment on Luz's face was almost consolation enough.
"We can walk back to the school together though," Amity said hurriedly. "It's on the way."
Luz's face lit up. "Great!"
Luz still hadn't pulled her hand back. And Amity didn't much care if that was normal or not. They walked back to school together, holding hands all the way, as Luz talked happily about the differences between the Boiling Isles and Earth and Amity tried to act like it wasn't the best moment of her life.
She was definitely writing about this in her diary later.