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- Dong!
That voice again.
- Dong! Over here!
I'm in the middle of the forest again, running after her, guided by her loud laugh. When I arrive where she is, illuminated by one of the few rays of sunlight that filter through the leafy treetops, she looks at me with enthusiastic eyes while pointing to one of the few flowers that manage to grow in the heart of the multiple conifers that cover the mountain.
- Dong! Look that butterfly!
- Bora, why do you keep coming into my dreams?
Suddenly, her eyes lose their spark and they turn off, as if her soul has left her body.
- What do you- ?
- I hate you.
- But-
And, again, I’m awake. My eyes slowly open, getting used to the dim morning light. For a moment, I stare at the mahogany wooden ceiling of my room remembering her wide white smile while running into the forest, and a deep sigh comes out of me.
One more day in which I wake up again in this shitty reality.
And one more night that I see her stupid face.
When people told me that being the female head of the family was going to be difficult, I never imagined that they were referring to this lonely existence in which I am immersed. Our family has always been the main counselors and sorcerers of several royal families, even outside this wide nation. Our spells and potions have left their mark on half the world and people have crawled to the main gates of this mansion to ask for help. However, these days the story is totally different.
Since my father died years ago and I inherited full responsibility of this dynasty, becoming the head of the family, people have stopped knocking on our doors for help. And not only the servants, but also my friends and my own family left my side little by little, leaving me alone in this immense house in the middle of the deepest coniferous forest.
Everyone left.
Even her.
Just because I, a woman, took the position of matriarch.
Nannan, the only living being who has decided to stay by my side, climbs up to my bed and sits on my chest while purring. He has been waking me up this way always, as far as I remember. I stroke his chin and his purrs get louder, making me smile. Honestly, this furry little animal is the only thing that can get me out of bed.
- Are you hungry, my precious Nannan? - I get a meow as an answer.
I don't make him wait any longer and I stretch my tired body before getting out of bed. He accompanies me through the endless corridors of the mansion, the wood creaking under our feet. The humidity of the forest has been mistreating my lonely home all these years since only Nannan and I lived here, and I haven’t had the will to try to fix it. In fact, there is a part of the mansion that is already occupied by vegetation and lichens because no one has used those rooms since mother left with her most loyal servants. The only thing I try to keep alive is the pond in the central courtyard, which I like to observe while playing Mahjong and having tea. Nannan also loves to observe it, but more for the gold fishes that live in it than for the tranquility and harmony that offers to the house.
- Here – I say while putting some raw fish on his plate.
The cat, content and delicately, chews on his food as I go to pour some reheated tea in my cup. I don’t even look for a nice place to drink it, I just stare at Nannan as he eats.
I don't need anyone else. Nannan and I are fine.
And the day passes like any other: I cook something that can take my little appetite away and then sit on the stairway at the entrance of this place, where my cat and I usually greet the little forest visitors that pass by showing their amazing coats and sounds.
Although, this time it is not only small rodents and colorful birds that pay their respects to the lost magnificence of my house. Nannan’s ears peak up towards the surrounding vegetation and my eyes sharpen when a familiar figure appears from the thick of the dark evergreen forest. Her appearance is not the best, but I suppose it’s because of the long journey from the end of the road, in the valley, all the way to the mansion, full of obstacles and plants that protect my home and that test the will of the traveler to get here. Her kimono has a few scratches from the branches, she has a backpack hanging from one of her shoulders, her boots are muddy, but her bandana is in perfect position just above her determined and apologetic gaze.
- Bora… - her name escapes my mouth.
It feels surreal. All these nights visiting my dreams with her childish and enormous pigtails, and that kimono that she always had stained with mud because she couldn’t just sit quietly and be normal. The warrior always had to come up with new wild adventures to which she always dragged me in to. Now, even looking equally disastrous, her eyes that once wore a fiery look, now only convey nostalgia and guilt.
- Hi, long time no see – she shows a sad smile while she greets me.
- Why are you here, Sua?
I don’t even hold her look while talking as I drift my eyes towards Nannan, that seems to sense my discomfort and comes to sit on my lap.
- My name is Bora-
- Your warrior name is Sua, isn’t it? You are given that name when you pass your training period and, since then, everyone has to refer to you in that way – I spit dryly as I flash her a contemptuous glance.
- But my friends and family call me Bora.
- I’m neither your friend nor your family anymore, warrior Sua. The moment you left these woods, you just became another traveler.
The air grows thick and it chokes me while I spell those words, but I decide to swallow the tightening feeling in my throat as I get up to cross the main doors, holding my cat between my arms.
- Wait – she pleads.
My feet stop at the desperate tone of her voice and I turn to meet her eyes, keeping the distance between us. She is not trying to climb the steps to the entrance of the house either, apparently reading through my cold body language.
- What? – I ask.
- I need your help.
I laugh sarcastically at that.
- You really have courage to come here after years and ask for my help, warrior.
- Only you can help me with this issue, you are the wisest and most powerful-
- Enough, warrior. Don’t you dare to end that sentence. Do you really think I’m going to help you after all of you left me here alone? – I snap at her – I don’t care how desperate you are. You don’t deserve to be listened. Please, leave.
And with that, I turn my back on her and enter my house, leaving the warrior at the foot of the stairs and closing the two massive dark wood main doors behind me. Soon, the night falls and when I take off my clear silk kimono to put on my black nightgown with my soft reddish robe, I notice that Nannan is not by my side as he usually is before going to bed.
- Nannan? Where are you? – I call softly, hoping for him to come and cuddle with me in bed.
However, his meows call me to the main entrance and, when I see him sitting in front of the dark doors, a bad feeling runs up my back. Nannan is not just any cat, he can sense meaningful presences, living or dead ones, that haunt the house. It’s like his eyes can even see through the thick walls of trees surrounding us. When he detects said presences, they often bring bad news. Even so, the feline hadn’t detected one in a long time, ironically since I took over the leadership position.
I dare to slightly open the door to check who is the new visitor and a warm, soft orange light streams through the small opening. Said light comes from a small fire that Bora, or rather Sua, has lit in one side of the small forest opening right before the big arch that limits my domain from the wild forest. Her small figure is wrapped in a blanket that she has probably carried in the backpack.
I don't know why she's still here.
And I do not care.
Thus, I quietly close the door and leave her in the gloomy night, hoping she'll be gone soon. But it seems that her stubbornness has not changed at all and, day after day, every time I look out the door, she is still there, immovable, even if it rains or not. Nannan doesn't leave the door unguarded at any time either and my hope that she will go away grows lesser and lesser.
One morning, after dreaming again about the butterfly and waking up without my faithful companion purring his good morning to me, my resolve to ignore her steady presence finally dissipates and, without even changing into the luxurious kimono hanging in its usual place, I walk slowly to the entrance of the house, pushing the heavy doors open. This time I do not try to be sneaky as I push them until they are wide open, letting Nannan peak out and drawing the attention of the other woman.
- Warrior – she stands up when she hears my voice.
Her scruffy appearance has been getting worse these days and her kimono, which was only scratched before, now has mud stains and it seems that it has not protected her from the cold and humid nights, because her lips are purple and she is trying to hide the shivering of her small body.
- Come in – I whisper, not caring if she hears me or not.
I guess she takes the hint because she starts to follow me cautiously around the house. Nannan watches her from afar, accompanying us through the creaking old corridors, those that we had ran through together so many times despite my mom’s loud scolding to stop us. I look back and out of the corner of my eye I see how she looks at the walls of the house, as if looking for the life that used to be in them. Our eyes meet for a moment and I immediately return my gaze to the front. The way to the main meeting room of the mansion is done in silence until we arrive in front of the sliding doors decorated with ancient oriental paintings:
- Excuse the mess.
I don't wait for her answer as I slide the doors open, which squeak in complaint at the carelessness and time passing through them. The room welcomes us with a strong musty and old smell, dust accumulating on the furnishes that decorate it. I make my way to the other side of the room to open the smaller and less fancy doors that lead to the central courtyard with the beautiful pond, letting the light bathe the sad room. When I turn and face her, the warrior is standing still in the door frame, looking at me with sorrow and surprise.
- What did you expect? I’m the only one living here and I can’t take care of everything. If I did, I would probably spend the rest of my life cleaning this enormous and tortuous place – I explain, feeling a bit anxious – Plus, nobody has come to make a request since I’ve taken over the family, so I haven’t used this room in a long time.
She continues being silent and motionless. Nannan, instead, explores the room, climbing on the furniture filled with glass jars with ingredients and books, surprisingly not throwing anything to the floor. Sighing at her attitude, I sit on the floor, right in front of a small table, and I sign her the spot on the other side of it.
- Warrior Sua, please, take a seat.
She obeys and sits in front of me, her eyes fixed on my hands that are on top of the table. I wait for her to look up at me, but instead, she only speaks up:
- Why are you alone here? What happened to your family? – she asks lowly, as if she fears releasing my anger.
- The same thing that happened to you, I guess – I retort snortingly.
Her gaze shifts towards the small pond behind me, cowardly avoiding crossing my line of sight. In her gaze there are confused emotions, surely due to the conflictive situation and the effects of the sleep deprivation that are taking their toll.
- I didn’t mean to leave – she whispers finally.
- But in the end you did.
- I was forced to-
- Yet here you are – I frown at her, drawing her attention finally – You could have come earlier, but you didn’t. And when you finally do, it’s not because of me, it’s because you need something from me.
Sua remains speechless. She holds her eyes on me, as if she is trying to prove me wrong, but I couldn’t care less about her excuses and I decide to take advantage of her silence and change the topic for my own sanity.
- So, tell me, what’s the matter, warrior?
- The princess… - she surrenders and starts explaining – She is seriously ill. My father was told to find a cure for her, but he decided to go to the Jun family and ask for help. I already told him that the only family that knows how to cure such an issue is the Han family. But he wouldn’t-
- What are her symptoms? – I interrupt her.
The warrior sighs, visibly frustrated.
- She’s been sleeping for a month already, her body is cold, but she is still breathing. She’s forced to eat and swallow, but as time passes, she becomes weaker and it’s harder to make her eat and her breathing sounds troubled.
- She is losing muscle mass… - I whisper for myself thoughtfully.
I stand up carried by my suddenly active mind, thinking about which book that I should consult before I prepare everything to make an antidote. I can't help but feel excited about having something to do, about having to fulfill my first request as head of the family, even under these conditions. My hands wander across the cabinet where Nannan is sitting with his back facing all the dusty physiology books on it. The cat is chased away by my restless hands trying to reach one of the books in the back and, when I finally manage to get the book I need, a cloud of dust gets into my throat, making me cough.
- Are you okay? – she asks.
- Y- yes – I cough -It’s the damn dust in this house, it got into my throat.
- I’m going to get you a glass of water, wait.
Before I can stop her, she has already left the room, leaving me alone with the heavy book. Even while being so exhausted, she doesn't take too long to come back, her footsteps being heard possibly throughout the forest by the way she energetically walks.
- Here – she offers.
I don't look at her face: I just take the glass and gulp it down, my sore throat finally easing. I clear my voice and go back to sit in front of the table, where the book rests. The warrior looks at me with some nervousness, as if waiting for some thankful words, but I don't give her the pleasure of hearing them, directly jumping to the topic that concerns us:
- It seems like she is under some kind of spell - I think loudly.
- Can you… trace whoever cursed her? - she asks, her question being barely a whisper, as if trying to not disrupt my thoughts.
- Of course I can. Our family is known to be the best sorcerers on this planet - I reply snobbily.
- Sorry.
I ignore her answer again, opening the book and flipping through its already stale pages. My eyes focus on the different descriptions of the symptoms, looking for some common ground so that I can begin to have clues about the possible curse that the princess suffers. I'm so engrossed in my reading that I don't realize that Bora, or rather Sua, is still standing waiting for my permission to sit down. I slightly lift my eyes from the book and see that she's looking at me.
- You can take a seat, warrior.
- Can I sit next to you, so I can see the book too?
- No.
Sua uses the same strategy that I have been using all this time and ignores my rejection, sitting right next to me, but leaving some space between us. A loud snort escapes my lips as I look back to the book. This time it’s harder for me to focus because the warrior slides more and more towards me, her neck stretching towards the table, as if trying to read what I am reading.
- Can you stop?
- I’m not doing anything. Literally.
- You are making it hard to focus.
- C’mon Dong-
- Don’t. I’m not Dong for you, warrior - I cut her.
- But-
- No.
She is visibly angry now, but she doesn't back away. Her face wrinkles and her lips seem to be having trouble stopping the words that are crowding the roof of her mouth. I back off the table a little and look at her straight in the eye, a tense atmosphere settling between us. And just when I'm going to order her to go back to the other side of the table, she vomits everything she was keeping inside:
- It wasn’t my decision to leave. I had to. My father dragged me out of here, literally - her voice breaks - I betrayed him to come here because he wouldn’t ask you for help. All of them say that you are bad news, that you will bring darkness to all you touch-
- And it’s true, haven’t you seen this place? - I whisper, trying to get a hold of the lump in my throat.
- It is NOT true, Dong - she slams a hand on the table - I know you. You are not evil; you are kind and warm. They are just afraid of a woman who can perfectly run a dynasty that has always had a big influence on these lands.
Sua’s gaze is lit with turbulent emotions that I can't read. I think it's the first time that I can't see through it, the warrior always being so transparent until now. It may not be that she has changed, but rather my vision that is clouded by the words she just said, which have re-ignited something in me that shouldn't burn in my chest, making me feel way too alive for my liking.
- You shouldn’t be left alone in this huge place just because of a ridiculous tale - she huffs, defeated by her own emotions and her tiredness while she looks through the door that leads to the small pond.
Her profile is still as sharp as I remembered. My eyes can't help but draw the line of the bridge of her nose, her lips and her jaw. I have to make an effort to not lift my hand and put it over hers, which is still on the table. A sigh rises in my chest in exchange of the warm words I was just told, and I close my eyes hoping to not completely take out what has been buried all these past years. When I open them again, I directly re-focus on the book, despite noticing movements next to me.
- What I should be doing is making the antidote that is going to save your princess, not talking about the past - I whisper.
My cat, who has been watching us from his place, walks to the side where Bora is and I see out of the corner of my eye how he betrays me by sitting on her lap. The warrior, who had her gaze lost in the bright reflection of the sun on the pond, turns to look at the furry feline who rubs his head against her kimono. My jaw tightens at the actions of my cat: the damned cat never fails to bring bad news.
- I need another book that is in my father’s room - I inform her while standing up, not stopping to see if she’s coming with me or not.
As I leave the room, I take some air in, breathing in the rarefied air of the damped walls. I cannot allow myself to lose my demeanour, much less my conviction that I am better by myself. It took me many years to accept my life, or rather my cursed life, as it is to ruin it all now because of her return. I need to hurry up and make the antidote as soon as possible so that she goes away and never bothers me again. However, as I advance towards the inhospitable part of the house eaten away by nature, my efforts to try to maintain my composure diminish. Although I have lived in this house all my life, since I’m alone I haven’t stepped on this part and, when I finally do so, I realize my sad reality, a reality that I myself had covered with lies that helped me to not feel abandoned and unloved.
But Bora is right. It's not fair for people to turn their backs on me for being someone I haven't chosen to be.
When I open the old doors to the main room, the little light that filters through some broken windows illuminates the furniture covered by white sheets and the green stains that decorate the walls. The strong smell of the closed room strikes me at first, but, using the wide sleeve of my silk pajamas, I cover my nose while slipping into it. I do not try to entertain myself much, avoiding looking around me in case there is any memory floating between so many objects, but just being here is enough for the past images to be shown in front of my eyes. Carefully, I discover one of the bookshelves where I remember there is a book about breaking hexes and, once identified, I silently thank that it isn’t on one of the highest shelves and I take it, placing it on another of the covered furniture so I can cover back the shelves with the dusty sheet. It's not until I get out of there and close the doors that my vision is blurred by the overwhelming memories that have been crowding my head all day. I take a deep breath and try to calm myself, holding the book tightly against me.
I go back to the room where I left the warrior and I find her lying where I had left her, Nannan snuggled with her. She was taking long to fall asleep, not even the energetic Bora can bear all those nights she has spent in the open without proper rest. The sun illuminates her small body and I suppose its warmth has lulled her to sleep. I let her rest while I carefully read how to break the curse that hangs over the princess, the previous book serving as a reference to find all the ingredients that I should add to the antidote. And when I finally find the source of the hex and get clearly how to break it, I slam the book in front of me, startling both my cat and Bora.
- Wh- What happened?
- You fell asleep.
There's a little bewilderment in her puffy eyes.
- You needed to sleep in order to go back to the princess in time - I explain - I’ll be back, I need to go to the forest to grab some fresh fruits and leaves of the Pingyat.
- I’m coming with you - she says as she clumsily stands up, probably still a bit groggy.
- Do as you want, warrior. But don’t bother me or else I won’t let you in again - I warn her.
She nods.
- Please, wait at the main entrance, I’m going to change my clothes - I order her.
As expected, I meet her later at the entrance, ready to go. My clothes are still kimono style with expensive fabrics, but this one has some sort of pants, which makes it perfect for entering the thickness of the vegetation surrounding this place. Without saying a word, I open the doors of the mansion and we walk out, the fresh air clearing my nostrils. We follow a small path behind my house to an open area full of colorful trees and flowers, a rather peculiar scene in this type of forest. Bora's face lights up when we arrive, probably for the same reason that a knot forms in my stomach.
- Wow, it’s been a while since we came here - she says excited - This is where we found that butterf-
- I told you to not be loud - I shot her a stern look.
- You told me to not bother you - her face changes and shows a bit of disappointment at my constant rejection.
- Your voice is bothering me.
She is silent after that during the whole time it takes me to pick up the leaves and fruits of the old Pingyat. However, on the way back, she stops in the middle of the forest and, with her, the traitor Nannan also stops his paws. I turn around with a questioning face, hoping that her kimono has simply caught on some bush, but I find that she is looking at me sadly.
- Why are you being like this?
I stay in silence, not wanting to engage in this conversation, but this only fuels her up.
- It wasn’t my choice to leave, Dong! I’m sorry if I hurt you, but I didn’t want things to go like that! I’m sorry if you felt like I didn’t want to be with you anymore. I’m sorry that you have been on your own all this time. I- - tears started to run down her stained cheeks - It wasn’t easy for me to live knowing what people thought about you and… and I didn’t know even your mother left you!
I close my eyes as I turn away, hiding the tears that are threatening to fall and the shaky sigh that bubbles up in my throat. I don’t understand why she is so determined to make me understand something that I do not want to understand, something that has been painful, that squeezes my chest and takes my breath away. I don't understand why she is so determined to apologize, when I haven’t asked for her apologies. I hear her steps following me, accompanied with some quiet sobs and, as we walk, I wonder if she’s actually hurting as much as I do. However, I shake off those apologetic thoughts and we stay in silence all the way home, even while preparing the antidote, not crossing our gazes.
The words that Bora has been saying to me throughout the day don’t leave my skull and they are repeated in my head over and over again, making me bleed from past wounds. Why did she, of all living humans, have to re-appear now, spelling all these idiotic words? Why is she trying so hard to make things right, to go back to the way we used to be? Why doesn’t she understand that I can't be saved anymore?
Even I can't pull off this curse that fate has imposed on me.
I slightly lift my eyes from the pot where the ingredients are being boiled and mixed, and I see her sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall of the room and holding Nannan in her arms. Her gaze is lost in the grayish fur of the cat and its brightness, which hadn’t disappeared even when she was tired, is now completely gone. It is now that I realize that perhaps all these years in which we have been apart have not only hurt me. Perhaps Bora has tried with all her might to return to this forest, but the cursed tales and the hierarchy to which she is subjected have prevented her from it. And now that she has finally made it here, I'm just giving her the cold shoulder.
Perhaps what they say is real: I only bring darkness to people around me.
- Sua, when the antidote is ready, leave and don’t come back here. Ever.
And, if that’s the case, it is better that she leaves as soon as possible. Such a warm heart doesn’t deserve to be around someone like me.
- No.
- It’s not negotiable. You don’t belong here anymore.
- As long as I’m alive, I can’t let you go again - she states, holding my gaze.
- I don’t want you to come here anymore, warrior. If you don’t oblige, I will make you to - I threaten her - I can set walls around the forest and make the long path to the mansion the most tortuous one for anyone who dares to follow it.
- Even if I get hurt, even if the pain is unbearable, I won’t move away from you again, Dong. I will save the princess and come back to you.
Her determination throws me off, the tears I'd been holding finally released and running freely down my face. I take a deep breath, trying to tame my emotions again, as I turn to add the last ingredient to the antidote: a spell written on parchment with my own blood. Deep in thought, I watch the antidote change from brown to deep crimson, signaling that it's ready. I take the vial that I had previously placed on the table and put enough antidote to make sure the curse is fully reversed. I seal it and turn back to Bora, who hasn't taken her eyes off me. She stands from her spot, my cat jumping out of her arms and stepping to the side as she walks over to me, ready to grab the vial. However, I don’t give it to her. If she won't give in to my request, I will force her to.
- Bora.
As I pronounce her name, there is something lighting up inside her that makes her eyes shine, the orange evening light illuminating her surprised features.
- I will give you this antidote only if you forget my existence.
And just as they light up, her eyes turn sad again, taking a step back.
- How can I forget you? That’s impossible. I haven’t forgotten about your existence all these years, how can I do it now that I know that you are still here, in this forest?
- I can make it possible.
Bora falls silent.
- I'll give you the antidote if you let me erase your memories of me.
- Don’t be ridiculous, Dong. I won’t accept that.
- Then, I won’t give you the antidote and the princess will die.
She becomes thoughtful at my words. I’ve just put her between a rock and a hard place. I know her warrior status can’t let her protégé die and I’ve just forced her to surrender. Her defeat is reflected not only on her face, but also on her body.
- Take off the top part of your kimono, Bora, and get on your knees - I tell her.
The warrior does as ordered, uncovering her white torso. I put the antidote aside and reach for a brush and some ink before getting on my knees in front of her. Her skin bristles when my hand rests on her shoulder, steadying myself as I write a spell that runs from her eyes to the valley between her breasts, running down her neck and clavicle. I can feel her eyes fixed on me, as if she is taking mental pictures before I cast the spell. Putting the brush on the ground, I look at her for the last time and a question arises deep within me:
- Why? - I whisper.
- It’s the only way to save the princess and prove that those tales about you are wrong - she whispers back.
As I listen to her answer, I place two fingers on the middle of her chest, the written spell suddenly running from there towards her eyes and diving into them.
- But why are you so determined to clean my name? Why are you so stubborn about not letting me go? - my voice trembles as I hold her gaze one last time.
- Because I love you, Dong. I always hav-
Bora doesn't finish uttering that last word, her eyes turning completely black as the casted spell wears off. My fingers tremble against her skin and my heart seems to have been ripped deeply, immense pain running through my body.
She loves me.
Well, she loved me.
As her eyes return to normal, she blinks a few times, her face portraying confusion.
- Where am I? - she asks as she covers herself hurriedly.
My eyes soften as I try hard to push away all our memories back in the deepest part of my mind.
- Warrior - I call her - You are here to complete your mission: save the princess.
A few seconds pass until realization hits her, her eyes showing innocence and purity, like when she was a child, ignorant of what pain or sadness means.
- Right, the princess! She is in danger: she must have been curs-
- I know - I interrupt her, my voice low and sad - You have come to me to find a cure. Here, warrior Sua, this is what the princess needs to swallow in order to break the spell.
She seems pleased, taking the vial from me and smiling at the content in it. Nannan, who has been observing everything that happened, is immobile, as if doubting whether or not to approach the warrior.
- Thank you so much! What can I do to pay you back? - she smiles widely.
“Erase my memories of you, please”
- Don’t come back to these woods ever.
She doesn't seem to understand my request, but she nods anyway, standing up and fixing her kimono. We leave the room, closing it, and we walk slowly towards the main entrance of the mansion. She doesn't seem as interested in her surroundings as she used to as we move forward and, when we arrive in front of the two large doors of the mansion, I turn to her:
- Take this, it will help you to find the way back in the dark - I say as I offer her a small glass ball, her eyebrows furrowing at it - Show this little ball to the forest and it will guide you back to the valley.
- Thank you, mistress - she bows.
And then, I let her walk away through the dense fog, her departure only leaving hurtful marks in me. I watch her dive in the dark night as I close slowly the main doors, a huff leaving my body as they fully close.
It’s done. And she won’t be back.
Tears stream down my face as I fully let myself break down, my body sliding against the dark wood of the doors until I’m on my knees. A dark shadow is sharply digging into my mind as my eyes close, and I sit on the floor, hugging my knees and resting my head on them. Nannan comes to my side, rubbing his head against my legs. Bora’s words keep resonating within me and breaking me little by little, as I’m being stabbed repeatedly by the memories of the time we spent together. I wish all of them were passing delusions. I should have stopped being a coward and listened to her when I had the chance.
Now, I’m the one that abandoned her, the one that turned her back to her, and all these painful dreams and memories that were trying to tell me what I really felt grow even more painful as the night gets darker. Trying to cry out these stormy emotions, I fall asleep on the floor, my cat purring to ease my dark thoughts.
Time doesn’t seem to go by as I spend my days laying down on my bed, only hearing the dying sound of the house and the vegetation making its way through it. Nannan has abandoned my side a long time ago, his fur nowhere to be seen in the room, and my body aches, probably because I haven’t been eating anything for days, not even bothering to get out of bed to stretch my numbed limbs. And suddenly, a soft meow can be heard through the corridors of this mansion. I turn my face towards the door of my room, waiting for another call. And again, he meows. My eyebrows furrow worriedly. Did Nannan sense a presence? I try to sit back up on my bed slowly, my legs shaky and weak. I throw over my shoulders a blanket and try to follow the origin of the meows, my feet leading me towards the main gates of my home. Nannan is there, staring at the dark doors and my breath gets caught in my throat.
It’s like a Deja vu.
I slowly push the doors open, bright sunlight blinding me. I rub my eyes and when I’m able to glance around, my heart drops to the pit of my stomach.
- I’m sorry for bothering you, mistress - Bora says as she bows, her kimono once again full of mud and scratches - I know you told me to stay away from this forest, but I...
Her eyes drift away, as if she is trying to find the correct words. I stay silent, not believing my own eyes.
- I feel like I know you… Maybe from another life? There was something bothering me in my mind since I left and I had this urge to come back here. I know it might sound silly, but I felt like I had to see you again, make sure you were alright… - she mumbles.
I can feel the blood rapidly pumping through my veins, making me feel alive again. The pain that took its place in my body is washed away as a shy smile creeps up on her lips. She looks at me in the eye and I remember the last time Bora looked at me in the eye.
- “Even if I get hurt, even if the pain is unbearable, I won’t move away from you again” - I repeat her past words lowly to myself, my eyes getting teary again.
- Mistress – she calls again, her voice coloured with a hint of worry – I can leave again, don’t worry. Sorry for bothering you-
- Bora – I interrupt her, my voice weaker than I expected.
The woman looks at me surprised after hearing me, her eyes widening as I pronounce her name.
- How … How do you know my real name?
- You can call me Dong.
Her confusion deepens. However, far from clarifying anything, I offer my hand as an invitation to come closer. She climbs the stairs and gets in front of me, her eyes showing uncertainty. Nevertheless, she takes my hand and her eyebrows furrow immediately, her gaze studying my face. The spell I casted on her gets stronger the longer she stays away from me, therefore it gets weaker the longer we are next to each other. Father once told me that there’s no spell that can break the will of a human that has a fiery heart and pure intentions. And Bora has broken all my expectations, her will and her feelings going one step further, shining bright even after trying to drown them to death.
- Dong? – she repeats my name mumbling.
In response to her unwavering heart, I will stop being a coward. I will learn to be brave and this time I won’t ignore the feeling that spreads through my chest when she looks at me nor stop my hand seeking the warmth of her skin. It will probably take a while for her to have a mere hint of what she has felt before, but that’s okay.
- Please, Bora, stay – I plead as my eyes fix on hers.
I won’t turn my back on her. I won’t let her go again. Ever.