Chapter Text
Beep. Beep. The heart monitor was the only sound to be heard in the med bay. Raven sat with her head in her hands, willing Connor to wake up, willing herself to remember. What happened? How did I…? She looked at her hands woefully. She honestly could not remember. Raven searched her brain desperately. She remembered the distress call. She remembered she and Connor getting to the night club first. She remembered Red Robin telling them to wait for backup, but Connor had already run into the night club. So, she followed him. She followed her teammate. That’s what she was supposed to do. That’s what heroes did. They had their teammates’ backs, even the ones that didn’t listen because they were still getting over a breakup. A sharp pain shot through Raven’s head as she roughly rubbed her temples. She remembered flying past the police cars with their blaring, bright sirens upon reaching the crime scene. She remembered teleporting into the night club. Connor hadn’t been visible through the strobe lights or fog machines. She was getting hit with too many emotions. Unconscious and dead bodies littered the floor, but she needed to find Connor. But…that’s where things got fuzzy.
Raven opened her eyes. She slowly sat up as her vision began to clear. She then took stock of her surroundings. The nightclub had been reduced to rubble. It was…gone. Cops were yelling, speaking into their radios, calling for backup. Firefighters and EMTs had converged on the scene, and a few spectators were digging through the rubble, trying to reach the victims buried underneath. She sensed fear coming from the already gathering crowd. She looked down at herself. Her clothes were torn entirely, no more than mere strips of cloth barely covering her privates. She had blood pouring out of a deep gash on her head. Probably from a ceiling beam, she surmised.
“Raven!”
She turned to see Red Robin and the rest of the team running towards her with shock and horror apparent on their faces. He said something to a nearby cop who pointed at her. She then realized that she was the source of the crowd’s fear.
Suddenly Wonder Girl was in front of her, yanking her to her feet and shaking her roughly. “What did you do?” she screamed.
Raven stuttered. “Wh-what?” was Raven’s only response. She looked at the destruction all around her. Cop cars were flipped over; one was in a tree. Shattered glass was all over the place.
“Connor!” Wonder Girl released and began to dig for her ex frantically.
The other Titans had already made themselves scarce, looking for survivors, helping the police, retrieving the cop car from the tree. Red Robin was suddenly in front of her, wrapping his cape around her shoulders. She placed a hand on Red Robin’s shoulder, steadying herself on shaky legs. She immediately felt his worry. He gently cupped her face and asked, “What happened?”
“I don’t know,” she replied, tears welling up in her eyes. “I don’t know.”
Once she had returned to the tower, Raven had done her best to heal Connor; but with the trauma to her head, and her fragile emotional state, she could only do so much. Although, physically speaking, Connor was fine. There wasn’t a scratch on him. But, for some reason, he was in a coma. Raven had received an earful from Cassie as soon as they reached the tower.
“This is your fault!” Cassie screamed lividly. “How could you lose control? Why didn’t you wait for backup?”
“Enough, Cassie!” Red Robin had stepped between the two girls. “We don’t know what happened, but Connor isn’t our main concern right now. Raven,” he looked at Raven tenderly, “stay here. Rest, and keep watch over Connor.”
“What!” Cassie protested. “You’re leaving him with her? It’s her fault we’re in this mess in the first place! She can’t be trusted!”
“Enough, Cassie! You and I need to get back out there and help with the rescue. Here is the best place for Raven to be right now. Will you be okay?” he had asked Raven.
Raven nodded.
“Okay. Let’s go.”
Cassie turned to follow him, but not before giving Raven a dirty look.
Now, hours later – around 6 a.m., Raven sat on the bed, still wrapped in Tim’s cape, looking at her hands, still trying to piece the evening together in her mind. What happened? How did she lose control? She was always in control. Save for a few instances. And why wasn’t Connor waking up? He didn’t have a scratch on him.
Raven sensed before she heard the rest of the titans enter the tower. They were speaking amongst themselves. The atmosphere was tense and depressing. She listened to the doors to the med bay open and prepared herself for the tongue-lashing of the century. Tim and Cassie had walked in. “Any change?” she heard Tim ask.
“No. No change,” Raven answered softly. “Is everyone okay?” she asked without looking up. She heard Cassie scoff.
“You mean from the building you dropped on them?” Cassie asked.
“Cass,” Tim snapped at her, shocking both her and Raven.
“Whatever,” Cassie responded, leaving the infirmary. “I’m over this.”
It was just Tim, Raven, and a comatose Connor. Eventually, Raven looked up to see Tim staring intently at her, his mask off. He took a step closer to her, his blue eyes holding her gaze. “It’s just us now, Rae," Tim spoke softly. "You can tell me anything. What happened?”
“There's nothing to tell,” Raven sighed, looking away. “I don’t remember. I can’t remember.”
“Raven- “
“I’m telling the truth, Tim,” she looked at him desperately, “I don’t remember. I don’t know.”
Tim sat on the edge of the bed she occupied.
Raven pulled her knees to her chest to give him more room. “It’s…it feels like there’s a black hole in my memory. I don’t know what happened. I remember running into the night club after Connor, but I don’t remember anything after that. I just remember laying in a pile of rubble.”
Tim reached out to put a comforting hand on her knee, but Raven flinched. Visibly flinched. There was nothing subtle about that flinch. Tim looked at her curiously. “Are you okay?” he asked.
Raven stared at him for a moment before nodding slightly.
“Okay,” he said, clearly unconvinced, “but I’m benching you for now. Just until things get back to normal.”
Raven nodded, resting her head on her knees in exhaustion and mortification. What had she done?
One month. That’s how long it took for things to go back to “normal” – that’s how long Raven was not allowed to leave the Tower as ‘Raven.’ Within that time span, a few leaguers stopped by to see if they could rouse Connor from his coma. The Martian Manhunter; Batman; Zatanna Zatara – who made her thoughts on Raven’s existence extremely clear – and a few of the greatest minds from S.T.A.R. Labs visited Connor. But nothing was found. He was physically and mentally in great shape. “The only thing I can say,” Raven listened by eavesdropping from a place in the ceiling in the guise of her soul-self as the Martian Manhunter spoke, “is that Connor is perfectly healthy. I believe he is keeping himself in this coma. Did anything traumatic happen to him the week of the accident?”
“Isn’t having a demon drop a building on you traumatic enough?” Zatara nearly sneered. “I told the League-“
“Thank you, Zatanna,” Raven’s stomach fluttered as Tim interrupted the magician, “every person in the Justice League, Titans, and Young Justice know how you feel about Raven.” Tim turned to the green alien as Zatanna seemed to pout. “He and Cassie broke up hours before the incident,” Tim said. “That’s all I can think of.”
“Hmm,” Raven saw Martian put a finger to his lips. “What are Batman’s thoughts on the matter?”
“Basically, the same as yours,” Tim answered, “he thinks Connor is subconsciously keeping himself in this catatonic state.”
“What about the young sorceress? Raven?” J’ohnn asked.
“She has no memory of the evening,” Tim sighed.
“And you believe the demon?” Zatanna questioned.
“Yes,” Tim answered firmly, without hesitation or doubt. “I do.”
Zatanna took a step back from him.
“Hmm,” Martian Manhunter said again. “Can you call Raven down here? I would like to speak to her.”
Raven immediately returned to her body, not waiting to hear Tim’s answer. Her heart was thumping against her chest. Moments later, she sensed Tim outside her door. She opened it before he even had a chance to knock. He stared at her, his mouth slightly agape in surprise. She must be quite a sight with her hair hanging limply down her back, dark circles around her eyes, wearing an extremely baggy shirt. Also, none of her teammates had seen her in a good week. She always teleported to and from school; teleported food from the fridge to her bedroom. “I sensed you,” Raven said softly when Tim still hadn’t said a word.
“J’ohnn would like to speak to you,” he said.
Raven nodded and stepped out of her room.
“Raven,” Tim placed a hand on her shoulder.
She froze for a split second before reflexively throwing his hand from her shoulder with a growl. Both Titans froze at Raven's response. Raven could only stare at her hand in shock and horror. “I…” she didn’t know what to say.
Tim's surprise was just as palpable. “Raven,” he said with deep concern, "if you don't feel up to this-"
“No, I’ll go,” Raven said. “Where is he?” she asked, knowing full well J'ohnn awaited her in the common room.
“The common room,” Tim answered.
They then stared at each other awkwardly. “After you,” Raven whispered.
Tim nodded, this entire interaction had him perplexed as he stored it away in his brain, something he'd dwell on later. He briefly glanced back at the empath following him. Raven followed a few feet behind him with her arms around herself, hugging herself protectively. All was not well with his teammate, and he resolved to get to the bottom of it.
Fifteen feet away from the door and Raven hit a wall of hate and disgust. Zatanna. Raven rolled her eyes. She had neither the time nor energy to deal with the goody-two-shoes TV magician. Raven walked through the common room doors, facing Zatanna’s glare head-on. “Demon,” Zatanna growled.
Raven rolled her eyes. “You aren’t worth my time, Zatara,” Raven replied.
“What did you say you-“
“Zatanna,” the Martian Manhunter interrupted, “your skills are no longer needed. You are free to leave.”
“I’d like to stay,” Zatanna said.
“As a superior league member, I am nicely asking you to leave,” J’ohnn turned his red, alien eyes to the female magician.
“Fine,” Zatanna turned away grumpily, “but don’t come whining to me when shit hits the fan.” She then stormed from the room.
“I apologize for her behavior,” the green alien said to Raven.
“Doesn’t bother me anymore,” Raven shrugged. “Tim said you wanted to see me.”
“Yes, I would like to see what happened through your eyes. If you’ll allow it,” he added, exuding calm and safety.
“Okay,” Raven said, the thought of someone else in her head making her queasy, “but I don’t remember anything. And ripping a memory…”
“I won’t do anything to your mind. I promise.”
Raven sensed only truth from the green alien. She nodded hesitantly.
J’ohnn motioned for her to sit. She did; and J'ohnn sat in front of her, their knees brushing against each other. Raven's stomach churned at the contact as a brief wave of nausea and panic swept through her. “Ready?” the Martian asked.
Raven closed her eyes and lowered the safeguards in her mind just as he was placing a hand on either side of her head. "Ready," she breathed after a moment or two.
Once he sensed her walls were down, the green alien entered Raven's mind both slowly and carefully. He'd barely crossed the threshold when a scream tore through the air. A wall of pain hit him like a ton of bricks before his mind went black.
“Raven,” a voice called out. “Raven.”
Raven’s eyes slowly opened groggily. A pair of blue eyes were inches from her face, staring at her with worry. Was she on the floor? When did that happen?
“Mmm,” someone groaned in pain.
Raven turned to see M’gann helping her uncle off the floor. “What happened?” M’gann demanded to know.
An intense pressure filled Raven's head. Her head was pounding. She had a headache, and the room was spinning. Were the walls closing in on her? Her heart began pounding in her chest as her body filled with terror. She closed her eyes as she began to be plagued by images. She couldn't breathe. Flashing lights. Sickening laughter. A huge weight on her chest with heavy breathing in her ear. “Raven!” a voice screamed.
Raven’s eyes popped open once again as she began hyperventilating and objects in the room began vibrating. Tim held her head in his hands and said, “Breathe, Raven.”
She looked at him with wide eyes.
“Breathe,” he said again, “inhale. Exhale. Do it with me.”
Raven began inhaling deeply and exhaling.
“Good,” Tim said giving her a small smile as he gently stroked her hair.
Raven felt her body relax.
“Can you sit up?” he asked.
Raven nodded.
Tim helped her slowly sit. He froze when he realized how close their faces were. If he angled his head just so, their lips would touch.
Raven’s breath caught in her chest at the thought of maybe kissing Tim. “What happened?” she breathed out. She looked past Tim. A sofa and table had been split in half. “Did I do that?” Raven asked in a panic as Tim helped Raven to her feet. She looked over at the two Martians.
J’ohnn was still on the floor, rubbing his head.
“J’ohnn,” she said, “I…I…” she looked pleadingly at M’gann, who was torn between yelling at Raven and comforting her uncle. She chose the former.
“No,” J’ohnn stopped her before M'gann could utter a single insult. “This wasn’t Raven's fault,” he groaned in pain.
M’gann looked at him queerly. “How do you mean?” she asked her uncle. “She should have lowered her safeguards. Why didn't she?”
“She did,” J’ohnn looked at Raven with compassion. “Something else kicked me out.”
“I didn’t mean to,” Raven gasped, trying to pull away from Tim, who was gently holding her. Tim didn’t let her go, thankfully. Raven was a bit wobbly on her legs.
“I know,” J’ohnn slowly stood to his feet. "I know," he reassured her.
“Do you know what it was?” Raven asked. “Is someone in my head? Am I compromised?”
“No,” J’ohnn shook his head. “Your mind is safe. Extremely safe. Unfortunately, I was not able to see what Raven saw.”
“Why?” Raven asked.
“Because you didn’t see anything, Raven,” he turned to her kindly. “For some reason, your eyes were closed when whatever happened, happened. You were probably unconscious. From what I gathered, you're not the cause of...any of this. Merely collateral.”
Raven didn’t know what to say. It didn’t make her feel any better about the situation.
“Well,” Tim said, optimism coating his voice, “since Raven isn’t responsible, I guess you are no longer benched.” He smiled at her.
She didn’t return it. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Raven asked. “I don’t know if I’m ready to jump right back into heroics.”
“If my uncle says you’re not responsible, Raven,” M’gann looked at her with no malice or anger, “then you’re not responsible. However, I can stay until Raven gets her bearings. I don’t mind.”
Raven looked at Tim pleadingly.
“Uh…okay," Tim looked at Raven in obvious concern. "If you don’t mind,” he said to M’gann.
“No problem,” she smiled brightly. “I’ve wanted to spend more time with Beast Boy. He’s so funny. Like the little brother I never had.”
“Um…okay…” Raven said. “If you guys don’t mind, I have a biology exam tomorrow. I need to study.”
Tim watched intently as she slowly phased into the floor.
Raven landed on her bed and curled up into a ball, pulling the covers over her head, replaying the conversation in her head. She did have a biology exam, but she didn’t need to study. She knew that stuff inside and out. No. That wasn’t what bothered her. The fear and panic and terror she currently felt had nothing to do with her upcoming biology exam. It had been there before J’ohnn entered her mind, and it seemed to have amplified since he entered her mind. Raven didn’t know what she was afraid of, but every fiber of her being said that she was no longer safe. Her room was no longer safe; the Tower was no longer safe; she was no longer safe. Hot, silent tears came to her eyes as drowsiness took over. Her heart pounded loudly in her ears as the shadows in her room began to close in on her. She was drowning; she was scared, and she didn’t know why.