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Suna has learned three crucial things in his years of high-school thus far – the catalyst of them all being a Tik Tok that showed him how to style his hair like a K-Pop idol. One impromptu trip to the hairdresser later, and he’s a changed man. He told the stylist he was going for Jungkook from BTS and she didn’t exactly hit the mark, but she did a good enough job that girls smile at him in the hallways now.
That’s where the first revelation comes in – Suna doesn’t care when girls smile at him. If he smiles back, it’s out of obligation, and it’s a half-assed, sort-of-smirk type of thing, rather than anything genuine. He doesn’t do it to be cruel, but he’s just not interested. He never has been, despite all of his friends falling further into the black hole of their own hormones. Suna has more important things to do, like create viral tweets, and play volleyball.
It’s just that Suna is a strong-willed individual . He has an ego ten-times the size of an ordinary man’s and the only feeling he gives into is disdain. He doesn’t get hung up on things, or people. Especially not people.
At least, that’s what he thought – until two and three hit him like a freight train. The realization comes about on a cool, Fall day, spent lazing around in the grass before practice, like so many others. Suna has a posse – two shadows that follow him everywhere (even if they do claim it’s the other way around). He’s been best friends with the Miya twins since they were in diapers. He’s seen some things that no man should ever see and survived it. He could write a trilogy of novels on the foul things he has experienced in their presence. Suna loves them, but God, they’re a combined dumpster fire of everything wrong with human beings.
Then, Suna went without them for a month before their second year. Atsumu ran off to a volleyball camp (and never let anybody forget that he was specifically invited because he’s incredible ) and Osamu went to go work at their aunt’s restaurant in Tokyo. It kind of sucked. He was mostly bored. He hung out with Omimi sometimes, did some summer practice with the team, but everything felt too...calm without the twins.
Suna missed Osamu especially. He would say that he’s equally close to both of the twins, but he had more in common with Osamu. They both gave off quiet, kind personas but were total assholes. Everybody gets the Miya twins wrong – Atsumu is a menace, for sure, but Osamu is a full gremlin.
Osamu also indulged Suna in his favorite habit – making fun of Atsumu. They had a good time together.
He tried not to dwell on missing him, but he did admittedly stalk Osamu’s social media until his eyes burned from how close his phone was to his face. Thank God for Miya Atsumu and his disgusting vanity, because there were about two hundred selfies of them spread all across Instagram for Suna to look at.
The recognition that maybe that what he was feeling wasn’t normal of a friend didn’t come until the twins showed up to practice on the first day of classes and Suna did an honest-to-God, cartoon-level double take.
“Oi,” Aran laughed. “You two dyed your hair ?”
“D’ya like it?” Atsumu preened. Gone was the messy brown hair that Suna had grown to associate the twins with, replaced with piss-blonde, and in Osamu’s case – sleek and flattering silver.
Suna’s heart did a full somersault at it, and that’s when lesson two and three came into play – Suna wasn’t attracted to women, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t interested in anyone. Suna was into guys. Right then, Suna was very into Miya Osamu.
Every ounce of self-preservation he ever possessed was washed right down the drain. It was the beginning of the end. Suna practically tripped over his own feet rushing to greet Osamu. He acted like Atsumu wasn’t there at all, like Suna was a protagonist in a romance movie and Osamu was his soulmate. He only had eyes for him.
It was...obscene. Entirely ridiculous, and things only snowballed from there.
Suna found himself finding any excuse to get Osamu alone. He would wait until Atsumu was distracted and then slide in, which was horrible, because he was so focused on finding a single moment where Osamu was not plagued by his twin that he wouldn’t actually think of anything to say to him, so it was just awkward.
It should have deterred him. It didn’t. Osamu didn’t seem to notice a difference in his behavior at all, so Suna upped the ante. He started doing little things for him — letting him copy his math homework three times a week, buying him whatever soda he wanted from the vending machine, pretending he wasn’t hungry and giving Osamu his dessert.
He didn’t know what he expected to happen, but he couldn’t stop if he tried. It became a part of who he is, something deeply ingrained in his being.
Now, Suna has since upgraded his title from ‘blushing and crushing school-boy’ to just plain simp. Suna could call himself many things in the past — many great, powerful things. Now, he's been reduced to this.
He hates the word. Simp. He uses that word to describe his embarrassing, immature and unworldly friends who throw themselves over any pretty girl within a five-foot radius. Suna was supposed to be better than that.
Crushes are fine. He’s a high-school boy — it’s downright expected for him to be doing some canoodling here and there, so he wouldn’t be concerned if this was a normal infatuation. He would willingly admit to engaging in the headassery of having a crush, had said crush been on anyone other than a Miya twin.
Just thinking the name fills him with horror, mortification, and misplaced arousal.
At least it’s the better twin. Thank God for small mercies and the meager amount of sense his hormones seemed to have left. Suna would have to take a dramatic leap off the roof of their school building if his brain ever had the audacity to fall for Miya Atsumu.
It’s still a tragedy though, for several reasons.
One: Suna doesn’t do things. He gets things out of his system. Getting his mouth on...any part of Osamu’s body would probably do the trick for him, but reason two is that Suna will not just hook up with Miya Osamu.
Osamu is special. He’s Suna’s first real crush, and that deserves a level of respect. Besides that, Osamu is Suna’s best friend. There’s no way they’d be able to just partake in fucking each other a little and then go back to normal. Osamu is a bleeding heart romantic. Atsumu told them all that he caught him crying after watching Kimi No Na Wa . It would be strings attached or nothing for Osamu, and God help Suna if he dated a Miya twin.
He adores them. Both of them. Most of the time. Loving two people as your closest confidants and turning one of them into your boyfriend is something entirely different. It would kill their dynamic if something didn’t work out between them. Atsumu would beat his ass, and Suna made fun of him for talking a big game and having nothing to back it up with, but he has no doubt that Atsumu would back it up this time.
Suna can’t risk getting his ass kicked by Atsumu. He would die of shame. No, Suna doesn’t make any moves on Osamu, he just sits across the lunch table from him and tries not to sigh longingly while Osamu shovels rice into his mouth.
Osamu would be a shitty boyfriend. He would be the type to take up the whole bed because he sleeps spread-eagled and he snores . Sleepovers with the Miyas are the worst. Suna also knows for a fact that Osamu would never share his food, and Suna likes to pick off his partner’s plate, so it just won’t work.
That doesn’t mean he doesn’t want all of that with Osamu. He could probably get used to being shoved into the corner of the bed and starving because his boyfriend won’t feed him if it meant he could see his gorgeous face whenever he wanted.
His brain is disgusting like this.
He antagonizes for the better part of a year, and then decides that he’s just going to go for it. He’s going to tell Osamu that he’s into him, and if he somehow likes him back, they can try the whole dating thing. If it doesn’t work out, Suna knows there won’t be any hard feelings. Osamu is kind like that – he would wipe the entire thing from his memory if Suna asked him to, and they’d be back to normal the next day, but he should probably try.
It’s not like he can just confess , though. For one, Osamu wouldn’t believe him. He would think it’s a prank. Suna has to be strategic about it, but as of late, being around Osamu turns his brain into mush.
It’s called into attention one day in the cafeteria, by none other than a loud-mouthed Atsumu.
“Sunarin, yer thinkin’ about somethin’ real important over there, aren’t ya?” Atsumu sings. “Yer all starry-eyed. Thinkin’ of a crush?”
Yes, idiot , Suna wants to say. Your brother .
“When have I ever had a thought?” he says, to deflect the accusation. Osamu snorts and sprays a grain of rice onto the table. It’s the cutest fucking thing Suna has ever seen. He hates himself.
“Sunarin would never like somebody,” Osamu says, mouth still full. “He’s too mean.”
“Maybe I just need to find someone mean like me,” Suna says off-handedly.
“Not possible,” Atsumu declares. “The only person I know in the world as mean as ya is Samu.”
Ah, he’s right on the mark, but neither of them will ever get there.
“You’re one to talk,” Osamu snaps. “You’re the biggest jerk I’ve ever met. Nobody is ever gonna love yer dumb ass.”
“Wanna bet?”
The twins descend into another argument and Suna tunes out. Their fighting is like background noise at this point. Suna could study to it. He lets it fade into nothingness as he considers where he goes from here. He could consider getting a lobotomy so he forgets his crush on Osamu, or maybe he could flee the country after graduation, but neither of those seem like very viable options. He would rather die than ask anyone for advice, and he doesn’t trust anyone on the team not to blab if he did – except Kita, but that would be a level of mortification that Suna would simply not survive. He has to figure this out on his own.
“Ah, what d’ya know anyways?” Atsumu is grumbling at Osamu now. “I met a guy at training camp, and he gave me his number.”
“Willingly?” Suna asks, inserting himself back into the conversation. Atsumu gives him a withering look.
“He definitely coerced him into it,” Osamu says. “Did ya steal his phone?”
“I was just persistent ,” Atsumu insists. “I’m gonna ask him out. He lives in Tokyo, but I’m gonna go visit auntie around Valentine’s Day and take him on a date.”
Osamu flicks rice at him. “Good luck with that, scrub.”
Suna stops listening again because he’s thinking awful, cheesy thoughts that have no place in his brain. Valentine’s Day is coming up in a few weeks – a holiday custom-made for lovey-dovey gross shit like the feelings that plague him. It would be like confessing on easy-mode, and if there’s anything Suna likes, it’s making things easier on himself.
“Sunarin, stop spacin’ out and defend me,'' Atsumu begs. “Samu is readin’ me for filth.”
“I have never once been on your side in my life and I won’t start now,” Suna says simply.
“I hate ya both so much.”
-x-
Suna can’t believe this shit. He’s nervous. He’s nervous about a crush on Miya Osamu. Once he gets through this, he’s going to sign himself up for therapy because clearly he needs it if he’s actually considering going through with this. He stood in the aisle of the convenience store for an embarrassingly long period of time, debating between two different boxes of chocolate. His thoughts were an endless stream of panicked nonsense.
This one is way too gay.
Wait, no this is supposed to be gay. I’m gay. For Miya Osamu.
I can’t do this, I’m going home.
No, my mind is made up.
Finally, he settled on a traditional red heart-shaped box and paid before he could chicken out for the fifth time in a week.
Really, it’s Atsumu who motivated him. A week before the holiday, when Suna was considering more and more each day pretending he developed sudden amnesia and no longer had any idea who Osamu was, Atsumu declared that he asked out his crush in Tokyo.
“He said yes, so suck on that, assholes.”
Suna couldn’t let Atsumu upstage him in the romance department, so he settled in on his choice.
Now, Valentine’s Day is here and Suna can’t stop jiggling his leg under the cafeteria table like some kind of maniac.
He just needs to do it before he throws up all over his uneaten food. That would probably tip the twins off that something is up. He’d prefer if Atsumu would fuck off somewhere, but it’s not like he has anywhere to go, so Suna allows it.
“Samu,” Suna begins, keeping his voice cool and controlled. He takes the chocolates and slides them over to him, entirely casual. “Here.”
“Aw, Sunarin,” Osamu grins. “Ain’t ya sweet.”
“Where are my chocolates, dick?” Atsumu demands.
“Only people I like get chocolates,” Suna answers, hoping the double entendre is as obvious to Osamu as it is to him.
“Ya can’t pick and choose which twin ya like more! That’s against the rules!” Atsumu protests.
“I don’t remember signing a contract.”
Osamu laughs. He opens his chocolates happily and pops one into his mouth. He swats Atsumu’s hand away with he tries to snatch one. “Yeah, deal with it, idiot. ‘Sides, Kita likes you more than he likes me, so fair is fair.”
“Kita is the only one who likes me better than you. This is not fair,” Atsumu groans.
“Maybe if ya shut up every once in a while they’d like ya too.”
Suna sighs. This is getting out of control quicker than he can handle. The mention of Kita gives him an idea, though. “Oi, Tsumu. Speaking of Kita – he was looking for you. He said it was really important. Maybe it’s about who’s the pick for captain next year.”
Atsumu’s eyes widen and fill with stars. “Ya think? Shit. I better go. He’s got class right now but I’ll go wait outside his classroom. I’ll see ya’ll at practice!”
He shoves his tray towards Osamu and practically sprints away. Osamu watches him with a bemused expression then turns to Suna. “I didn’t hear anythin’ about Kita wantin’ to talk to him.”
“I lied. He’s gonna kill me later, but I needed him to leave for a minute.” Suna is nervous again. He wants to get his stomach surgically removed so it stops flooding with stupid, inconvenient butterflies.
Osamu raises an eyebrow. “Why?”
“Well.” Suna shuts down then, completely short-circuits. How do people do this? Osamu is staring at him expectantly, no longer focused on his chocolates. “Nevermind.”
“Nope, don’t do that,” Osamu says, frowning. “Ya gotta tell me now. Yer locked in.”
“It’s not a big deal,” Suna continues, except it feels like a huge deal right now – like an earth-shattering deal. “I just, well. I didn’t get chocolates for Atsumu.”
“Right…”
“Or anybody else. I just got them for you.”
“Oh.” Osamu seems to think about that for a minute before asking, “Why?”
God, he could’ve developed a crush on anybody else – anybody else would have understood immediately and this would be far less painful.
“You’re going to send me into cardiac arrest,” Suna sighs. “I like you, Osamu. Like. Romantically? I guess.”
“You guess ?” Osamu looks at him incredulously, but there’s a hint of a smirk tugging at his lips. Suna wants to feel it against his lips. He never stood a chance against this.
“No, like, one thousand percent. I’m disgustingly in love with you. I’ve been obsessed with you since last year, at least. It’s shameful.”
“That is pretty gross.” Osamu notes, but his voice is light. He smiles without holding back now, staring down into his box of chocolates. He unwraps one idly and pops it into his mouth. “Yer a dummy, Rin, why’d ya wait so long to tell me then?”
“I hinted at it,” he grumbles, tracking all of Osamu’s movements with his eyes. Then his brain catches up to what he said. “Does that mean you wanted me to tell you?”
“I wasn’t gonna be the first one to do it,” Osamu mutters, now blushing. Cute – it’s so cute, and Suna doesn’t hate himself for thinking so this time. “If ya rejected me I woulda never lived it down. Tsumu is insufferable enough without havin’ that to lord over me.”
Huh, and here Suna thought he had been completely obvious. Well, he probably was – this is still Osamu, but Suna won’t give him a hard time.
“Shit,” Suna mutters to himself. “I feel like I just ran a mile.”
Osamu laughs, a real one. His smile is blinding. Suna needs sunglasses. He stares directly at it anyway.
“I like ya too, Sunarin,” he teases. “Thought ya musta known that. I’m always findin’ excuses to be close to ya.”
“I know absolutely nothing,” Suna admits. “I’ve been too blinded by my attraction to you to notice yours.”
Osamu snorts. “Well, not too late to start noticin’.”
“Yeah,” Suna smiles. “I guess it’s not.”