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They really have to stop meeting each other like this.
"We should stop meeting each other like this," Jisoo said, packing up the scattered books on the table. Seokmin takes a seat in front of him, grinning, but a second later it turns into a grimace because apparently smiling hurts. Jisoo cringes internally seeing his bruised and battered face.
Jisoo isn't a superstitious person, by any means, but this is already the second time he unexpectedly meets Seokmin in a public place, where one of them is hurt, and on a Saturday evening. Maybe the universe is trying to tell him something.
"What are you doing alone in a coffeeshop on a Saturday night?" Seokmin asks after he finished ordering.
Jisoo gestures to his laptops and books. "Undergrad thesis is my best friend, apparently." Seokmin responds with a chuckle, not without another pained expression followed right after. "How about you?"
"Well, it seems like I no longer have a best friend," Seokmin answers, voice airy but carefully controlled. That wasn't what Jisoo meant: he just wanted to know why is Seokmin spending his own Saturday night alone in a coffeeshop like him, but apparently the word 'best friend' is immediately associated with the brawl happening a few days ago that resulted to Seokmin's apparent injuries.
Jisoo heard about the scuffle between Mingyu and Seokmin, with rumors going around the reason they had a showdown ranged from "campus politics" to "someone stole the other's money", none of which Jisoo believed.
(It's amazing how campus gossip isn't exclusively available to students but also to the people that interacts with them on a daily basis. That last rumor Jisoo heard straight from Bimo, the owner of the photocopy place next to the crime scene.)
Jisoo's gaze automatically falls upon his bruised cheek. "I'm so sorry about that."
Apparently Seokmin immediately gets what he's implying, because he asks, "How did you know about it?" just a moment later.
Jisoo shrugs. "The two of you went to class with black-and-blue face, it's kind of impossible for people not to gossip," Jisoo paused to add, "And also, someone recorded it. Mpok Sopi who owns the laundry place shared it on her Whatsapp story."
When Seokmin doesn't immediately respond, Jisoo sneaks a glance to the guy sitting in front of him. There is an expression that crossed his face, intense but fleeting, all creased forehead and eyebrows scrunched.
When he finally speaks again, his voice sounds conflicted. "Can I ask you a question?" Seokmin asks.
"Sure, what's up?"
"Have you ever dated your best friends's ex?"
"Jeonghan's ex is the worst person on planet earth," Jisoo answered, scrunching his nose. It's true— Jeonghan's ex should have been thrown in jail for what he did.
"So that's a no."
"Nope. And Jeonghan also doesn't like my exes, he hates them." Which is an accurate description of their whole friendship, filled with critics towards each other's love interest, but Jisoo is sure that's not the kind of answer Seokmin is looking for.
"But if Jeonghan had dated your ex not long after you guys broke up, what would you do?" Seokmin presses with his question.
Hmm, interesting. What would Jisoo do? "In this scenario, am I still in love with said ex?
"Well, no, not really," Seokmin said, doubtfulness filling his voice before he changes his answer to, "Actually, no. You're not in love with him anymore." This answer sounds more assertive.
Jisoo raised his eyebrow at the inconsistence, but comments none. "If the break up was amicable and I'm not in love with him anymore, I'd give blessing to Jeonghan if he decided to date my ex. Unless my ex is an asshole, then I would not let Jeonghan touch him with a ten feet pole."
The particular scenario would have never happened in real life, not at all, because he and Jeonghan have entirely different taste in men, but if it did happen, Jisoo is sure that's what he would do.
Seokmin looks surprised by his answer. "You're not gonna be mad?"
"Why should I be? I'm not in love with him anymore."
"So if you're still in love with him, it's justified to be mad?"
The answer that's already on the tip of Jisoo's tongue is of course, but after thinking about it, maybe that isn't the right answer. "Do I still have a chance to get back together with the ex?"
"Nope," this time, the answer is quick and doubtless. "Not at all. No chance of getting back together at all."
"In my opinion, getting mad is still isn't justified. I mean, I would be sad, but that's it. We broke up, end of story. Besides, if my best friend can be happy with my ex, then good for them. Just because it didn't work out for me doesn't mean it won't for them."
"Interesting," Seokmin said, an amazed expression on his face. "You have a really pure heart."
"Um, thanks? I guess? Is something wrong?" Jisoo asked, confused.
He is met with silence again when Seokmin decided he was saved by the bell by the waiter bringing his food. Thinking that maybe Seokmin is no longer comfortable talking about this subject, Jisoo prepares to change the topic when finally Seokmin opens his mouth.
"Do you know why I punched Mingyu?"
Trying not to blurt "you didn't steal his money, right" out loud, Jisoo shakes his head.
"He's with Wonwoo. I mean, I've suspected it since a long time, but apparently Wonwoo likes him too. He said they only got close during the Artfest closing. I knew that too, but isn't it crazy? It hasn't even been a month since I broke up with Wonwoo."
Jisoo has predicted the answer. He returns one of Seokmin's questions to him earlier. "Are you still in love with him?"
"No," Seokmin said with utmost certainty, like he's completely sure he no longer has feelings for Wonwoo. "I'm not in love with him anymore, but when you've liked someone for this long and tried so hard to get to them... It stings." Seokmin sighed dejectedly, but it doesn't sound like he's done ranting.
"I liked him so much back then. Even when he explicitly rejected me, I still liked him. I think at some point I became pathetic, but no one ever said anything. Or I didn't listen when they told me that."
Jisoo understands all about being pathetic and not listening to advices. After all, he was once that sophomore college student in love with an older man who took advantage of him and he was too young and stupid and lovestruck to have some dignity for himself. Jisoo wants to laugh at the irony.
Maybe this is what the universe is trying to tell him. Maybe he was destined to wake Seokmin up from his nightmare and heal his heart.
(Kidding. That's what Jisoo actually wants, not a sign from the universe. But if the universe decided to give him that too, who is Jisoo to say no to a blessing?)
"Do you think there's a chance for you to get back together with Wonwoo?" Jisoo asks, because he genuinely wants to help Seokmin. Not because he's curios of the answer himself, of course.
Seokmin scoffed hard. "Of course not. When he broke up with me he said he wasn't ready to have a relationship, but it's clear that what he meant was relationship with me." The bitterness in Seokmin's voice is so evident that Jisoo flinches a bit. "He obviously has no problems jumping right in with Mingyu."
Hmm. Seokmin no longer has feelings for Wonwoo, nor there are any chances to get back together. So why is Seokmin still angry?
"Then why did you fight with Mingyu?"
The only logical answer would be because maybe Seokmin let his anger got the best of him, because even though there are no longer any reasons for him to be mad, sometimes feelings just cannot be stopped. But after listening to Seokmin answer his questions with a sound mind and answers that make sense, Jisoo is curious as to why Seokmin's anger get uncontrollable, even after Seokmin knows his relationship with Wonwoo is a dead-end.
(Of course there are always chances that Seokmin is lying to him, but why would he do that? Jisoo has no business whatsoever with this love triangle. At least, that's what he tells himself every time he remembers the time he almost fell for Mingyu.)
Seokmin's answer is surprising. "It felt like the right thing to do," he said after a pause.
Jisoo almost choked on his drink. "You bashed your best friend's face in because it felt like the right thing to do?" He asked disbelievingly. Seokmin shrugs.
"Mingyu is my best friend and I trust him. I know he understands how desperate I was when I still liked Wonwoo. But now it feels like he stole my hardwork for himself, like I'm just a stepping stone."
Like I'm just a stepping stone. That phrase jumpstarted the gears in Jisoo's brain as the puzzle pieces in his mind started falling into place to create a conclusion.
This isn't about Seokmin's feelings for Wonwoo, or even the "not even a month yet" thing, because Seokmin knows his relationship is doomed. It's not even about Seokmin who felt betrayed by Mingyu and Wonwoo. This is about a war that Seokmin is losing, and he's a lost cause in this situation.
"I think you're angry not because your ex is with your best friend," Jisoo said in a daze as realization dawns on him. "I think you're not even angry at them. You're just angry, but you need someone to blame. You can't blame Wonwoo because you guys have no relationship anymore, but you can blame Mingyu because he's your best friend."
The truth is cruel. It is cold and harsh and unforgiving, but honesty is always the best path to take. Seokmin's lips lift in a small smile, which means Jisoo didn't say anything that wasn't true. But his smile is sad and bitter.
"Like I said, it felt like the right thing to do."
"Seokmin," Jisoo said gently, "You can't place the blame on Mingyu just because you need someone to blame."
A flash of remorse passes on Seokmin's face but it's gone as quick as it arrives.
"I still think it's his fault," Seokmin said stubbornly.
Jisoo sighs internally. "Look, you're entitled to your feelings. You're angry, you feel betrayed, and honestly I understand why you feel all of those things. But that doesn't give you the right to punch people as a way to express your anger, especially if they don't deserve it."
"You don't think Mingyu deserves this?" Seokmin raised his eyebrow challengingly, but Jisoo is still defiant.
"No, and I think you know it too."
It's silent for a few moments. Jisoo knows he must have hit a nerve, because Seokmin keeps looking out the window and avoids eye contact with him. But he can't stay quiet and enable Seokmin's anger when he knows just how dangerous it could be.
"They have chemistry," Seokmin finally speaks in a flatly controlled tone, even though there's a hint of despair laced in it. "Wonwoo and I didn't have that chemistry."
Oh, Jisoo realizes, that's why this is all so painful for Seokmin. This must be what he meant when he said stepping stone. A chance for Wonwoo to realize that the perfect person for him is his ex's best friend.
"You're not a stepping stone," is what Jisoo can say.
"Why bother trying the potato when what you like is rice?" Seokmin grumbles, a scowl setting on his face. Jisoo blinks in confusion. Potato and rice? Are they moving on to a new topic already? Is he talking about the menu?
"I honestly have no idea what that means," Jisoo confesses.
"Think of it this way. Wonwoo likes rice, but I'm a potato. All this time he's only been served with potato, so he eats the potato because it has the same nutrients as rice. It turns out he doesn't like potatoes. He just realized that he likes rice when he eats the potato that he doesn't like. Then why doesn't he just eat rice from the beginning? Why bother trying the potato?"
Jisoo blinks. That analogy... isn't wrong. He understands all the comparisons Seokmin made and it surprisingly fits the current situation. When he thinks about it, Seokmin's astonishing train of thought sometimes resulted in such wonderful simple thoughts that are easy to comprehend.
Which sucks, because Jisoo's brain's reaction to that analogy is what a shame, I love potatoes.
"He likes rice but you're a potato. That doesn't mean you're not a--" good Lord, Jisoo is so fucking embarrassed to have to say this out loud, but the analogy fits, "that doesn't mean you're not a yummy potato. Besides, you helped him, in a way. If he hadn't tried the potato, how would he know he likes rice instead?"
Seokmin guffawed when Jisoo plays along with his analogy, but immediately cringes in pain. Jisoo feels a bit guilty because he made Seokmin's busted lip that was already healed split again, but at the same time, he's a bit proud of himself for making Seokmin laugh so freely like this.
"To be honest, I feel more sad than angry," Seokmin said, holding a piece of napkin to his lip to stop the blood flow. "They have chemistry. Mingyu is the only person who makes me insecure about Wonwoo, and it's like my worst nightmare came true. And it's so obvious that he clicks with Wonwoo and makes Wonwoo comfortable with him. Like, I know that he didn't do anything wrong, but all of this just made me feel invisible. Like no one acknowledges the effort I did to make Wonwoo happy."
Jisoo can now see the big picture: Seokmin isn't angry because Mingyu is with Wonwoo. Seokmin is angry because Mingyu and Wonwoo are perfect for each other, inevitable, and what makes it worse is that whatever he did will never compare to the connection Wonwoo and Mingyu has.
Seokmin could have plucked out stars out of the sky to make Wonwoo happy, but Wonwoo still won't feel the happiness that he did the same way Mingyu's small gestures of affection make him fall head over heels. And Seokmin sees that as a lost cause, made him feel unimportant and useless.
But what Seokmin doesn't know is that even when he's not trying, his mere presence is enough for Jisoo to feel somersaults in his chest, to fill him with warmth. Seokmin deserves to have his someone who will shower him with love the same way he does them.
"Seokmin," Jisoo says with a serious tone, making Seokmin turn his head in curiosity, "Your world used to revolve around Wonwoo, but he's not the sun. You are. You're the center of your own universe. Don't let his wants eclipse what you deserve. Just because Wonwoo can't see how important you are, doesn't mean you get to feel that way."
Saying it out loud, Jisoo feels growing confidence in his words. Seokmin is the sun, with his bright smiles and presence that makes people feel enthusiastic. He deserves to shine the way he's supposed to, and Jisoo wants nothing more than to see him shower people around him with warmth.
But of course, it won't be Seokmin if not providing comedic relief.
"So, which one do you think fits me better, potato or sun?"
It's Jisoo's turn to roar with laughter. An amused smile plays on Seokmin's lips, small and vague, but it's a smile nonetheless.
"Why not both?"
That night, Seokmin is the one who takes Jisoo home, even though Jisoo repeatedly say not to bother. A token of appreciation and gratitude for keeping him company and making him feel better, Seokmin said.
"Thanks for listening to me and gave me advice," Seokmin said on the way home, "even though you said earlier that you haven't had firsthand experience. And I'm sorry for distracting you while writing your thesis."
"It's fine, my thesis isn't due for another semester," Jisoo waved it off, "besides, who said I haven't had firsthand experience about this stuff? I'll have you know I was once the stupid sophomore in love with an alumnus. It was so embarrassing. And anyway, your thing with Mingyu? You figured it out on your own. I just... guided you to the right path."
Apparently Seokmin is unashamedly interested with Jisoo's "stupid sophomore in love with an alumnus firsthand experience", so Jisoo spent the whole way home telling him the woeful Yunho episode of his life.
"Looking back on it, it makes me laugh now, but it felt like the the earth beneath my feet is falling apart, you know? I was so miserable, I couldn't function as a human being for days. It was so dramatic."
"Damn, that means I'm lucky to have met you today at the coffeeshop," Seokmin commented. Jisoo is confused.
"How so?"
"Well, to be honest, before I talked about this to you today, I didn't have anyone to tell. Minghao is not speaking to any of us, and frankly I don't blame him. What I did was stupid. My point is, if we hadn't met today, I would be miserable alone. You're literally the only reason I'm feeling way better."
Damn it. Even not on purpose, Seokmin still succeeds in making Jisoo feel butterflies in his stomach. He hopes Seokmin can't hear just how hard his heart is beating inside his chest from his words earlier. Fortunately, Jisoo has to give pointers for Seokmin to his house, so the topic changes quickly.
("Are you sick?" his mom asked when Jisoo enters the house.
"What? No. Why?" Jisoo said.
"Your face is very flushed," his mom feels his forehead with the back of her hand, "And you're a bit warm. Are you sure you're not catching anything?"
The only thing I'm catching is lovesickness, Jisoo thinks as he flees to his room, trying to calm down the blush on his fiery cheeks.)