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Shi De’s not sure what he’s expecting after he funnels Shu Yi into his room, but being shoved face-first onto his own bed isn’t it.
‘I thought you said your mother was working late,’ Shu Yi whines. Shi De twists onto his back, sighing, and pats the empty stretch of mattress beside him. Shu Yi pelts him with one of his textbooks. ‘I can’t believe I bowed. God. She must think I’m so lame.’
Shi De laughs. He shuffles to the end of his bed, reaching up to hook his fingers in the hem of Shu Yi’s shirt. ‘You’re overreacting. She doesn’t think that at all.’
Shu Yi resists the pull, but it’s a token effort. ‘I bowed,’ he moans, and Shi De laughs again. He waits for Shu Yi to drop the rest of his books on his desk, then welcomes him into the circle of his arms. It’s a tight fit: Shi De’s bed is the same one he’s kept since childhood, a single sliver of mattress that’s much too cramped for two fully-grown men. Shu Yi makes a noise of contentment even as he crowds into the curve of Shi De’s body, burying his face in Shi De’s neck.
‘Okay, maybe the bowing was a bit over the top. But I’m pretty sure Ma found it cute.’
‘I don’t want her to find me cute. I want her to like me.’
‘I find you cute. And I like you. A lot.’
‘You’re my boyfriend. That’s what you’re supposed to do.’
Boyfriend. Shi De grins. He still isn't used to hearing it. ‘I promise she doesn’t think you’re lame,’ he says, dropping a kiss on Shu Yi’s head for good measure. ‘Besides, she’s the one who told us to get in here. Do you really think my mother would allow some guy she didn’t like to come into her only son’s bedroom and get up to who-knows-what behind closed doors?’
Shu Yi sighs and doesn’t answer. Shi De feels the shape of his pout against his neck, unhappy and resolute. He slides a hand up to cup Shu Yi’s chin, tipping his face up so he can look him in the eyes. ‘This is really bothering you, isn’t it?’
‘Of course it is.’ Shu Yi’s expression is one of wilful defiance; Shi De knows it well. ‘I wanted to make a good impression.’
‘And you have. Ma’s cooking you dinner! You’re practically family!’
‘Don’t joke about stuff like that.’
‘I’m not!’
Shu Yi says nothing, just burrows back into the slope of Shi De’s neck as though he means to lodge himself there forever. He’s so small like this, an anxious, petulant knot of energy that Shi De finds horribly endearing. When Shu Yi doesn’t resurface for the next few minutes, Shi De slings an arm over his waist, drawing him closer and planting another kiss on his brow.
‘I meant it, you know. About you being a part of my family.’
Shu Yi curls impossibly closer. ‘Pretty sure we need your mother’s blessings before that can happen.’
‘All my ma cares about is that happy. If I’m happy, then she’s happy.’
‘Yeah? And this is what makes you happy?’
‘You make me happy,’ Shi De corrects him, and Shu Yi flushes.
‘And here I thought I was the one being lame,’ he grumps, but Shi De feels the way his lips are curving upwards now, tentative, tight. Shi De smiles.
‘You’re late on the uptake,’ he chides, mock stern. ‘Always one step behind me, eh, Zhou Shu Yi?’
He’d meant it as a joke; knows that Shu Yi takes it as such. Not that that stops him from landing a solid swat to Shi De’s stomach, because petty violence is Shu Yi’s standard defence against any given situation. Shi De bears the hit like the self-sacrificing individual he is, before catching Shu Yi’s arm on the next swing and craning his neck down for a proper kiss.
Shu Yi’s resistance is minimal this time. He makes a surprised noise before relaxing into it, letting his shoulders sag and hand drop to the jut of Shi De’s hip. They kiss for a while, slow and unhurried in a way that’s still heartwarmingly unfamiliar. With finals around the corner, and all the associated stress and revision that come with them, Shi De’s hardly found enough time to eat and sleep, let alone dedicate hours to learning his boyfriend with his mouth.
Not that he’s dissatisfied with spending their library dates in companionable silence, or sharing the contents of their bento boxes over lunch. Now, whenever Shi De leans across their desks to steal a fresh sheet of notepaper, he’s no longer afraid that Shu Yi will lean away from him. Whenever Shi De drops homemade karaage onto Shu Yi’s rice, Shu Yi trades it for rounds of tamagoyaki. He seems to invite it, these little instigations of intimacy, whether it’s with a private, dimpled grin or a casual brush of their ankles under the table. Shi De’s still in disbelief that it happens. That he gets to experience this: the closeness he’s always wanted, but not quite sure he deserves.
Which also isn’t to say that Shi De hasn’t thought about it. It being sex. With Shu Yi. Because Shi De is nothing if not human, and as far as he’s concerned, there’s no one in the world that he’d rather lose his virginity to. Zhou Shu Yi is perfect. Zhou Shu Yi is The One.
‘We should get back to—’ Shu Yi breaks away, makes a vague gesture towards the piles of textbooks on Shi De’s desk. ‘Studying.’
It’s a testament to how much Shi De loves him that he isn’t insulted by Shu Yi’s suggestion. ‘Zhou Shu Yi,’ he says, refusing to be embarrassed by how gravelly his voice sounds, ‘we’re alone in my bedroom, and all you can think about is studying?’
Shu Yi’s mouth drops open, scandalised. He swats at Shi De’s stomach again. ‘Your mother’s right outside!’
‘She’s in the kitchen,’ Shi De protests, a little winded. ‘And she’s cooking. You can hear the extractor fan from here.’
‘What if she comes in? What if she sees us?’
‘She’s never walked in on me before,’ Shi De says. ‘We have a knock-before-entering policy. It’s all very civilised, I promise.’
‘That’s not the point,’ Shu Yi gripes. ‘How will I ever charm my way into her good books if she finds us on the bed with your cock in my mouth?’
Shi De freezes. His brain short circuits as soon as the word ‘cock’ drops from Shu Yi’s lips, which of course has Shi De’s attention plunging to Shu Yi’s lips, which of course has him imagining what they might look like around his cock.
His cock, which is now rapidly rising to the occasion. Fuck. Shi De gulps down the breath he wasn’t aware he was missing. Stutters, ‘Where did you even learn to say that?’ to which Shu Yi merely mewls in response.
‘Just because I’m a virgin, doesn’t mean I was gonna come into this unprepared,’ he says, recovering some of his usual primness. Shi De’s internal floundering doubles down at the idea that Shu Yi’s thought about this, too. That he’s researched? ‘Prepared’?? All for the eventuality of, and Shi De quotes: having Shi De’s cock in his mouth?
‘We should probably talk about that,’ Shi De croaks eventually. He’s impressed at his ability to formulate words besides Yes and Please right now. ‘I would like to know how you—prepared.’
And Shu Yi, the bastard, has the actual audacity to push Shi De away. ‘What part of Your mother is in the next room do you not understand?!’
‘Stop bringing up my ma!’ Shi De hisses, more a frantic whisper (she really is in the next room.) He catches hold of Shu Yi’s wrist before he can roll off the edge of the bed, dragging him back across the mattress. They tussle briefly. Rather, Shu Yi batters the hell out of Shi De but only because Shi De allows him, just like he allows himself to fall when Shu Yi levers him down, allows himself to be pressed back against his own tousled sheets.
They come aware of it at almost the same time. Shu Yi’s legs are braced on either side of Shi De’s waist when he stiffens. He’s hard, Shi De registers foggily through his own haze of giddiness and arousal. The panicked look in Shu Yi’s eyes only confirms it.
‘We can’t,’ he says, before Shi De’s even done digesting how he feels about this. Relieved? Turned on? Fucking ecstatic? Despite what he said, Shu Yi’s made no move to rise from his position. Still, We can’t isn’t exactly a no, but it’s also not the resounding yes that Shi De wants for their first time together.
‘Shu Yi,’ he says. He sets his hands around Shu Yi’s waist, if only to keep from wringing them anxiously. ‘Do you want to?’
He sees Shu Yi’s throat bob. Hears it, almost, in the stillness of his room. ‘I want to,’ Shu Yi says, like it’s a confession and a plea all at once. ‘Seriously, I. I even—looked up a couple of things.’
Shi De’s mouth goes dry. ‘Yeah? What kinds of things?’
‘Things,’ Shu Yi huffs. Then, pointedly averting his gaze, ‘Underwear.’
‘I’m—I’m sorry?’
‘Underwear!’
So, so dry. ‘You—researched underwear? For, um. For me?’
Shu Yi dissolves into a fit of Japanese cursing, mixed in with generous mentions of Yu Xin’s name. Shi De has no doubt there’s some backstory to all this – not to mention, he can’t wait to snoop on Shu Yi’s search history later – but for now, he’s fixated on the way Shu Yi’s trembling under his fingers, the defiant, beautiful purse of his bottom lip as he attempts to explain himself.
‘I thought,’ he begins, mightily aggrieved, ‘that they might—help. That you might, you know. Like them. If we ever were to—’ Shu Yi breaks off, flapping his hands in an utterly unintelligible gesture.
Shi De thinks gets it. He does. He reaches for Shu Yi’s wrists again, pulls him close. ‘The door’s locked and Ma will be cooking for the next half hour,’ he says. Hopes, against all odds, that the meaning he’s trying to transmit is clear. How in the fuck have they even managed to make it this far? When Shi De’s this shitty at fessing up to exactly what he wants? ‘Please, Shu Yi. We don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable doing. But you said you want to. And I—I want to, too.’
For an indeterminable moment, Shu Yi doesn’t speak or move. His eyes dart from Shi De’s face to the door. From the door to Shi De’s mouth. Shi De sees the point when Shu Yi comes to a decision; feels the resolve rolling through him like a wave. Before Shi De can react, Shu Yi is straightening, hips canting down with it. A helpless noise slips from Shi De’s mouth as their bodies come into swift and delicious alignment.
‘Is this alri—?’
‘Yes,’ Shi De says. ‘Yes, please. Yes.’
Shu Yi kisses him. He wears his surety so well, licking into Shi De’s mouth like they’ve done this hundreds of times before – which, Shi De supposes, they have. But the kissing’s never led anywhere, never ended in anything other than cautious, awkward rutting in the dark corners between library stacks. It sets a fierce burn roaring in Shi De’s stomach, the idea that Shu Yi hungers for more of what Shi De’s been able to give him. If only he knew how long ago it was that Shi De resolved to give Shu Yi everything.
Except.
Except, Shu Yi’s the one kissing a line down Shi De’s neck. Shu Yi’s the one popping the buttons of Shi De’s shirt, parting it around his shoulders and pressing yet more kisses over the exposed skin there. ‘Hold on,’ Shi De murmurs, though every nerve in his body is crying the exact opposite. Shu Yi exemplifies this by scraping his teeth over Shi De’s right nipple, and holy shit, how did he—
‘Stop,’ Shu Yi mutters. His lips close around Shi De’s other nipple, clumsy but warm.
‘Wha—?’
His tongue now, licking broad stripes over Shi De’s chest. ‘I mean,’ Shu Yi grumbles, sinking his fingers into the waistband of Shi De’s jeans, ‘stop thinking.’
Fuck. ‘Zhou Shu Yi.’
‘You’re the one who wanted to do this,’ Shu Yi reminds him silkily, the little shit. He grinds down as he speaks, an almost vicious twist of his hips. The movement seems at least half-involuntary, to say nothing of Shi De’s answering buck, right into the arch of Shu Yi’s body. ‘Our books are just over there, if you’re having second thoughts?’
Shi De watches Shu Yi slink down the bed. Settle between his legs. ‘Never,’ he says, and Shu Yi offers him a smile, bright and earnest and entirely without artifice.
Shi De fucking loves him.
‘Good,’ Shu Yi husks. ‘I hear we only have half an hour.’
This isn’t the way Shi De was planning for their first time to go, but then, he’d never really been planning on a relationship with Zhou Shu Yi. More accurately: hadn’t allowed himself to dream. But there’s nothing intangible about the way Shu Yi plucks open the fly of Shi De’s jeans. The way he pulls them down and off Shi De’s legs, do not pass Go, do not collect 200 dollars. There’s nothing but sheer, if slightly fumbling, determination as he drags his hot, red lips over the skin he uncovers, leaves wet, cooling patches on Shi De’s thighs.
Well.
Shi De had hoped, when they finally got around to doing this, that they’d be able to take things slowly. That he would make it good for Shu Yi, make it perfect for him. But at the end of the day, Shi De really is only human. He flushes when Shu Yi examines the line of his erection, straining and obvious against the fabric of his briefs. He hisses when Shu Yi abandons scrutiny in favour of hands-on inspection, palming down the front of Shi De’s underwear in a move that’s all heat and curious pressure, teasing in a way that Shu Yi probably only half intends.
‘Wait,’ Shi De wants to insist, except all that leaves his mouth is a ragged, ‘Please,’ and Shu Yi is rushing to oblige. He peels off Shi De’s underwear. Dips his head forward and wraps his lips around Shi De’s cock.
Slowly. Slowly. Shi De was supposed to be taking this slowly, goddammit – but Shu Yi’s tongue is hot and direct and just this side of sloppy, and Shi De, he—
Shi De is only human.
‘Shu Yi.’
Shu Yi curls his hand loosely around the base of Shi De’s cock, continues tonguing gently at the tip. Each lick earns him a soft gasp from Shi De’s mouth, a not-so-soft buck of Shi De’s hips. Shu Yi takes this as ample indication to sink down lower. And lower. Shi De’s spine almost shatters with the effort it’s taking not to thrust into the wet heat of Shu Yi’s throat. He fists his hands into the bedsheets, grasping for anchors, anything to hold him back.
‘Here,’ Shu Yi says. His voice is high and thready. Shi De thinks: I did that to him. I did that. ‘Hold me.’
He takes one of Shi De’s hands and settles it on the back of his own head. When Shi De fails to tighten his grip, Shu Yi scowls. ‘If you don’t hold me where you want me, how am I supposed to know how to make you feel good?’
‘Everything you do makes me feel good,’ Shi De babbles. Regardless, he sinks his fingers into Shu Yi’s hair, not grasping, not quite. But then Shu Yi’s taking Shi De’s cock back between his lips, and Shi De tightens his hold instinctively, driving his hips up. Shu Yi makes an approving noise. Bobs his head. He strokes the parts of Shi De’s dick that he can’t fit in his mouth, sets a tentative then steadily more brutal rhythm that has Shi De choking on his own breath.
I’m going to come, Shi De panics. He feels it building already, a furl of warmth in his gut and his utter lack of willpower to contain it. ‘Shu Yi,’ he repeats, a warning. He has no idea what kind of research Shu Yi conducted prior to this, has no experience with which he can compare it, but within less than five minutes of his cock being touched, Shi De is ready to surrender himself whole.
‘You can, if you want.’ Shu Yi flicks his eyes up to meet Shi De’s. Keeps working his hand, his fucking fingers, smearing spit and precome everywhere. ‘In my mouth, I mean.’
‘Oh God,’ Shi De says. He throws his head back against his pillow. ‘Fuck. Fuck. I mean—yeah. Yes. But only if you’re sure—’
‘I read that it’s cleaner this way,’ is Shu Yi’s response. He sounds speculative, nonchalant, but Shi De knows better. When he peers down the bed, he finds Shu Yi’s eyes still on him, red rimmed and damp, cheeks flushed with pink. ‘And yes. I would like you to.’
Come in my mouth, he doesn’t add, but the mere suggestion of it is enough to get Shi De hurtling back on track towards orgasm. Words fail him after that. He’s reduced to watching as Shu Yi jerks and sucks him to completion, to muffling his groans in his fist when he finally, finally spills over.
They both grunt when it happens. Shu Yi swallows. His expression is a mixture of surprise and smugness that makes Shi De wish that he could repeat the moment all over again. As it is, he slumps against the mattress and waits for the roaring in his ears to abate.
Shu Yi made him come. The love of Shi De’s life. The dream he’d never allowed himself to have.
Zhou Shu Yi made him come.
‘So.’ Shu Yi comes shuffling back up the bed, reaching for a tissue from Shi De’s bedside table. ‘How did I do?’
‘You were perfect,’ Shi De answers immediately. Honestly. Shu Yi dabs at the corners of his mouth. Despite how boneless he feels, Shi De is seized by the impulse to kiss him. ‘You are perfect.’
Shu Yi rolls his eyes but his grin is soft. ‘You’re biased,’ he complains. He pats his clean hand against Shi De’s chest, as though trying to smooth down the pulse he finds there. ‘I’ll get better at it. With practice.’
‘This isn’t a competition, you know,’ Shi De chuckles, so fond that it’s starting to ache. ‘There isn’t a grading system. Or a final exam.’
‘If there was, I’d be winning,’ Shu Yi says, preening. It’s not a challenge, not really, but let it be known that Gao Shi De is helpless to rise to the bait when Zhou Shu Yi’s the one flaunting it. Or, more likely, when the bait is Shu Yi himself.
With the last of his energy reserves, he pushes up. Tackles Shu Yi into the sheets. ‘Pretty sure I'm the real winner here,’ Shi De says, kissing Shu Yi because he can, and sliding a hand under his shirt.