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“Technoblade, Technoblade!” Tommy finally rounded the last hill. He almost fell down the snow slope, sprinted alongside the frozen lake and into the clearing before the cozy cottage. He was so excited he couldn’t even contain himself. He was not equipped for this cold weather but he was running so fast, burning up in his thin coat that he didn’t even care! The smile didn’t even fall from his face like it normally did when he thought about Techno, when he thought about everything that they’ve been through, he was just so happy to see his brother’s house in the distance, just within reach.
He pushed forward until he was running up Techno’s steps and knocking probably way too hard on his door. His knuckles burned from hitting the wood and from the cold, a light snowfall was started to appear over the landscape. He noticed how hard he was breathing and tried to calm himself, he always talked too rapidly when he was excited.
As his breathing slowed and the pounding in his ears ceased, he heard the shuffle of what he could only assume to be his older brother on the other side of the door, just a few feet away. The hounding winds were now deafening, his heart went cold and he was harshly reminded of when he lived here. The thundering cyclone of frost threatened to swallow him up in the dead of night.
Every muscle in Tommy’s body remembered when Techno called him his friend.
Friend.
He chose him as a friend, not forced to be there as a brother.
And in the end, what had Tommy done? Why was he even here? How-
“What the fuck do you want.” Techno stood before him, his hand on the heavy door, in clothes he would normally never wear, it wasn’t battle gear that Tommy was used to seeing him in, more casual.
“Technoblade!” Tommy started, deciding to keep his anxieties where they belonged, inside. “Techno you won’t believe this, I- I did it! Dream is gone and he’s locked away and I told him to suck it and it was so cool, I was so cool and-”
“Yeah I’m sure that today was great for you guys but I have sheep to count if you don’t mind-”
“Wait, wait! Can I tell you about what happened?”
“Tommy,” He sighed, he crossed his hands over his chest and rolled his eyes, “Do I look like I give a damn after everything we’ve been through.”
Tommy waited, feeling a bit stunned, but pressed on, “I thought you would! It was cool, I got into a fight and I protected Tubbo-”
“Well you thought fucking wrong, Tommy!” He shouted with a strain in his voice, a pull on his vocal cords.
Tommy stood there and the reality of this entire situation sunk in.
After everything he knew he could always come home. Philza told him that God knows how many times, no matter how much he fucked up there was always a place for him here, a place for him with his family. But Technoblade had no one besides Phil, how often was Tommy really there for him when it mattered the most? Almost every time when he fucked up Techno was there, even when the entire world was after him, literally, even when Dream himself wanted him dead, even earlier today, Techno was there. There and ready to fight for him even if it meant death.
He’s always been here.
He’s the only person who’s always here.
“Do yourself a goddamn favor and get off my porch,” Techno’s cold voice interrupted his own thoughts and he was ripped away.
Tommy stood, barely a foot away from warmth, he didn’t even realize how cold it had gotten, his body chilled. He could feel the heat leaking out from inside Techno’s home, fireplace probably burning piping hot. He looked to meet Techno’s eyes, Techno hated eye contact most of the time especially when they were only inches away but he didn’t look away. The warrior looked at him with such coldness, a look that he wouldn’t even give his worst enemy, the long scar going from the top of his brow down to his clenched jaw looked so much scarier than it did before. The blonde would sometimes trace it with his finger when they were younger until Techno started slapping his hand away everytime he would try, eventually he stopped reaching for him and quickly after they stopped living together.
The plea, ‘Technoblade,’ sat on his tongue for an eternity, it rested there until he gulped. He couldn’t keep coming back and begging Techno to forgive him, to trust him again, to waste more of his time protecting someone who wouldn’t even do the same in return. It wasn’t fair, looking back it was probably never fair.
The hypocity of the entire idea made him realize how much of a fool he looked like right now.
He wasn’t worthy of The Blade- no. Techno’s time.
The taller raised an expecting eyebrow for Tommy to do something more than just stand there like a statue.
Tommy, the most talkative and frankly annoying person in this family, this server and maybe the entire planet, was never quiet. But right now standing out in the cold, facing his oldest brother, he was. A red flush creeped up his neck in embarrassment, he should have never came here, what was he even fucking expecting? To come here, gloat and leave, like always. Treat his brother the same way over and over.
Techno never changed… He just stopped putting up with your own fucking bullshit Tommy.
The champion cleared his throat and in the same breath Tommy turned and took the first step to leaving this place. This might actually be the last time.
The air might have been cold but his insides were colder, this wasn’t a feeling he was expecting when he made those tracks in the snow. He didn’t expect those tracks to be looking back at him so soon.
“Oh, you fucking idiot,” Techno groaned and snatched his shirt.
“What are you doing?” Tommy screamed as he was pulled in through the barely open door by his arm at the last second. “I was literally about to leave you don’t need to be a dick about it! If you want me gone so bad I’ll leave,” He didn’t mean the last sentence, he never wanted to leave this place again if it was possible. But like any problem if he screamed at it enough maybe it would go his way. The house was so warm, the lamps were low on wax leaving the walls engulfed in a comforting soft yellow.
“I hate you, looking all sad and shit and expecting me to not get emotional, it’s disgusting really,” Techno grumbled and turned to the coat hanger by the door. He called over his shoulder to the younger and definitely colder boy, “Take that coat off, it's covered in snow.”
“It’s covered in what- Oh,” as he tried to take off the coat, snow got on the floor. He tried his best to keep it contained but of course it was getting everywhere as he took it off. The white fluff that used to be on his shoulders was now on the spruce wood floor, glaring at him.
Techno turned around with a brown garment over his shoulder. Techno held out his hand, shaking it in annoyance until Tommy turned over the snowy jacket. It was such a him thing, anytime he needed something he would just join until someone figured it out. Overtime, Wilbur got so good at finding what he needed. The warrior laid it across a chair in the living space before turning back to Tommy, “You look awful.”
“That must make us twins,” It was Wilbur’s line but Tommy loved using it. Though they mourned for so long, it became comforting to hear his catchphrases being used even if it wasn’t his voice attached.
“It sure does, Tommy,” Techno mumbled and walked back over. The younger brother just noticed that Technoblade wasn’t wearing shoes which was a shock, he nearly always wore shoes around the house. He always was ready for everything and anything. Techno opened up the garment laying over his shoulder more to reveal it was a shaw, specifically the long shaw Phil always wore, soft and bronze and always in good condition.
The scarred man found both of the shoulders of the as he walked over, getting into Tommy’s personal space. He brought him in close to wrap the shaw across his shoulders, encasing him in warmth and the scent of cedar, what Phil often smelled like. Tommy wrapped the cloth around him and smiled bright even if it wasn’t appropriate, Philza would leave them spare articles of clothing or blankets whenever he left for a long period of time. Techno complained about it the most, saying they weren’t kids, but of course those soft blankets could be found on his bed almost every single night. Phil, like the hardcore man he is, had back ups of almost everything.
“Sit down and tell me about how you made that green bastard pay before I change my mind.”
Techno sat across from the blonde, horizontal across the couch with his legs propped up on the arm rest. Tommy sat curled him in Philza’s clothes, “So Dream told me to meet him at a very specific place, only me, him and Tubbo. I took some supplies-”
“My supplies-”
“And left with Tubbo early this morning. When we got there we did everything we could but Dream was just- Dream- Dream-” He stopped. He hated thinking about it, he hated thinking about those words, what he told him. He almost felt the rage boil over, he hated that Dream caused him to stutter, made him scared. But he didn’t anymore.
“Slow down,” Techno reminded, his voice sounded almost identical to Phil’s. Tommy sometimes thought faster than his mouth could talk, which was a mystery to Techno considering Tommy doesn’t think enough. But Tommy continued.
“Dream was there again, he used that voice. The voice he used to make me believe that me and him were friends. He was just playing with us! He almost killed Tubbo, got him down to half a heart, and told me that it was either him or the disc- I had gotten one of the discs in the fight- but I picked Tubbo. The worst part was, he didn’t even have the real discs on him, they weren’t even real-”
“Smart.”
“Techno.”
“Continue.”
“He told both of us to put- put our stuff in the hole again. And he blew it up, all the things we spent so much time gathering right? Gone, in seconds. He led us both to this place- Wait! I have something for you, fuck I forgot I just wanted to, uh, here it is,” Tommy reached into his bag slung across his shoulder and pulled out the axe. Handle a bit bowed, scratches and scrapes across the sides, nothing Techno couldn’t fix but it still showed how much the Axe of Peace has been through.
“The Axe of Peace?”
“Yeah I got it from Dream, let me explain. He led us to this place, all the way down at bedrock. The real discs were there but more importantly, he was going to collect everything everyone in the server cared about! That axe, Beckerson, even Friend was down there. He was planning on controlling everyone with the items.”
Techno nodded, he actually looked interested in the story Tommy was telling, which was rare.
“Then he told me that it was Tubbo’s time to go, he asked me to say my last goodbyes before he was going to- going to take Tubbos’ last. He refused to kill me, he said he was going to take me to the prison, after all I was the thing keeping the server alive. He was acting so crazy, I have genuinely never seen someone look that power hungry and insane before and I’ve seen you play bedwars.”
“Oh please, I don’t even try-”
“Moving on, he was going to kill Tubbo, and there was nothing I could do but then Punz showed up! Then the rest of the SMP was there to protect me and Tubbo. Punz, Badboyhalo, Sapnap and Sam turned on Dream tonight, he thought he had the upper hand, he actually did at one point, we were defenseless, but I guess that’s where being a bitch gets you.”
Techno smiled.
“Everyone was in full Netherite surrounding him, making sure he had nowhere to go. After getting my hands on a pickaxe I dug the shallow hole in the ground and I looked at him Techno, and I told him to drop all of the stuff in the hole. And he did! I won, I finally won, now I never have to look at that green bitch again,” Tommy grinned and sat back against the couch. He re-lived the experience as if it was projected onto the back of his eyelids, finally telling Dream to put his stuff in the hole.
“Please don’t tell me you just let him walk free or something,” Techno groaned and glared at him but with this specific type of glare he did when Tommy did something stupid and adorable.
“No, obviously not.”
“I wouldn’t put it past you Tommy, I’ve seen you-”
“He’s in the prison now, Sam, Sapnap and Bad put him there,” Tommy cut him off while Techno laughed.
“I’m a little shocked I’ll be honest, I was fully expecting you to die and become Ghommy.”
“I talked to Wilbur actually…”
“How?”
“He just said something about our worlds colliding and he could speak to us now for some reason, he told me he was proud. But there is something else… I killed Dream twice and I could have again, killing him forever, but at the last moment, he told me that Schlatt knew a way to bring people back to life and wrote it all down in a book. I told Wilbur and-”
“He doesn’t-”
“No, he doesn’t want to be alive again, he still wants to stay dead but Schlatt….”
“We can talk about that later, much, much later, I don’t even wanna think about it.”
“I just can’t believe I did it, Dream is gone, Tubbo is alive and it’s looking like we’re gonna be okay.”
“You did good kid,” Techno praised and sat back against the couch. “But I think it’s past your bedtime, so scram.”
Tommy looked out the window, in the time it took for him to tell the story the snow had picked up intensely and big clumps were falling from the sky. “Okay,” Tommy said, his voice attempted to stay steady but he really didn’t want to get cold again, but this wasn’t the first time he’s overstayed his welcome.
“Dude, what is wrong with you, getting all sad and shit?” Techno asked, it was meant to be a lighthearted question to which there was no lighthearted answer.
Tommy got up from the couch and took a closer look out the window, watching the snowfall, “Exile made me into something I wish I wasn’t, I wish I could fix the damage he did, I thought putting him away would make the pain follow but it just doesn’t,” He sighed. “I can’t help but feel like there is a reason people don’t like me, people don’t want me, it’s because I fuck up everything I touch to the point where maybe it would have been better for me to stay in exile.”
“Tommy you don’t actually think people hate you… Do you?” Techno sat up, his eyebrows stitched together with tight concern.
“I can’t shake the feeling.”
“For the record, I don’t actually hate you, just the things you do.”
“You should hate me, what haven’t I done to you yet?” Tommy turned to the Champion, his head tilted to the side in confusion, “I’ve made you into a weapon, abused your protection, I’ve done so much shit, Technoblade. The only thing I haven’t done is kill you.”
“You’ve gotten close,” he shrugged, standing up and following Tommy to the window to look out the window alongside him.
“I-” tears were now building behind his eyes. He wanted to speak but nothing inside his head, none of the feelings would form their own words. The phrase ‘I’m sorry’ felt like an insult to all those things he felt, all this regret, all of these things he should have done. They’ve both had their share of fuck ups, their share of shitty things they’ve done, hell, Techno blew up an entire country. But this was so much worse, this was a personal failure that only continued, only got worse and worse until you could only see the pain behind Techno’s eyes everytime he glared him down, sometimes there was no anger, just pain.
“Tommy? Dude, I was just playing with you, I didn’t mean-”
“Techno, I’m so sorry, I’m so fucking sorry, I-”
“Stop,” Techno commanded and pulled the smaller boy into his side, wrapping his hand around his shoulders and cradling his head with his hand. Tommy didn’t even notice the sob that came out of him when his brother, The Blood God, rocked him quietly from side to side.
Techno was always the last place Tommy looked for comfort while they were kids, he was cold and mean, too competitive. Little did Techno know he was molding his brother into another version of himself. There was only one other time when Techno showed how much he cared with touch, for him, a pat on the back was rare and a hug nearly impossible… But there was one time.
The first time Tommy ever respawned his bed was broken. He woke up in a field, alone, sick to his stomach. For the next hour he tried to find his way home but the pounding in his head, thousands of blocks from home. Techno found him, inches away from dying again in the middle of the night. After fighting off every monster in a quarter mile radius, Techno pulled Tommy into his lap, sitting on the forest floor. He rocked him until Tommy was calm enough to be moved, he carried the 13 year old boy around halfway to the base before letting him walk. It was a sour memory, but the comfort made it sweet.
Techno remembers looking around for almost an hour in fear, his hair fell out of his loose pink bun, eyes wide and terrified until he found him. All he needed to do was find him, Technoblade can heal almost any wound but he can’t repair what he can’t see.
He never seemed to lose his sense of direction after that.
Once Tommy was almost calm, his eyes still stinging, he realized how long they had been together and how long he was crying. He was probably making the older extremely uncomfortable and attempted to pull away, “Technoblade-”
“I know,” he said. His voice was just as monotone but with a hint of something that wasn’t there often. Kindness.
Tommy stopped fighting, Techno refused to let go of him. His voice weak, “But-”
He cut him off but louder, “I know.”
The words left no room for further arguments.