Chapter Text
The two girls walk slowly up the stairs leading to the Moonstone. Glimmer could have teleported them both right there, but for now, she follows in Catra’s steps. They have not shared a word since Catra asked the queen for a moment to talk. She knows, what Catra wants to talk about, and she also knows she shouldn’t speak first. She has been waiting a long time, for her now-friend to be ready to talk about it. She won’t suddenly press her with accusing questions.
They both sit down against a wall, next to each other, facing the Stone. Its light makes the dark night pleasantly bright, to Glimmer. Catra thinks its uncomfortable. There is no place to hide, no dark corner up there. That’s why she chose that place, it feels like she can’t back away. And also because the nostalgic atmosphere will prevent the queen to be overly nice.
One part of Catra hopes that her friend will lash out at her, get angry, hit her, hate her, leave her. That would be easier, she is accustomed to those feelings. But the other part of her is crying, begging for forgiveness, pleading for the warmth that the simple word friend means to her now. She feels so vulnerable, and she clings to the hope that the words Perfuma once gave her were right, that she didn’t become weak and useless by opening her heart.
Catra holds both her knees as tight as she can to her chest. She drops her head on them and glances at Sparkles, who is doing the same, staring vaguely at the Moonstone. She knows she needs to start speaking, but the words are stuck in her throat. She can almost hear the word withhold by Sparkles’ mouth ‘Why?’, even though the queen has no intention to let it out.
Catra knows Sparkles well enough, but right now, the question would help. Or maybe it wouldn’t, maybe speaking first is the only way for her to not hide behind her walls, behind defensive words and lies. She told herself she was ready, and it seemed so easy back when she started climbing up those stairs.
“I’m sorry, I have no idea how to talk about it… her…” She finally admits in a whispering voice.
“Would it be easier if you knew her?” Glimmer’s question makes Catra shudder. The only things she knows is the distorted tales from the Horde, and some rare words Adora blurts out sometimes before obviously forcing herself to shut her mouth, and that she was a very nice person who loved Glimmer and that Glimmer loved back.
“That would make me feel even more miserable, wouldn’t it?” Catra can’t help a little scoff in her voice.
“She was the best mom ever.” Glimmer starts anyway, trying her best to ignore Catra shivering next to her. A big kind part of her just wants to stop and hug her friend, but she knows it wouldn’t help, yet. “She was kind, just, fair, even if I always thought she was too strict with me when I was little. She could fly, so with my power we had a lot of fun, like dancing in the air, and dad would use his magic to make it more exciting too. I took my love for adventure from him, and got grounded sooooo many times without him around.”
“Grounded?” Catra honestly asks, her face hidden, nested against her knees. She had never heard that word be used in that context in the Fright Zone.
Glimmer looks at her, incredulous, and blinks a few times. “Seriously? What happened when you did something you weren’t supposed to?”
“Not allowed to sleep for a few days? No food for a week? Tortures?” Catra raises her head briefly to glare at the princess.
Glimmer looks horrified at how Catra said it so naturally. “I- didn’t know it was that bad, Adora rarely mention-”
“Why would she? She was always on the good side. Except for me, she was following most of the rules. And then Shado… Shadow Weaver would punish me double time for both of us.” Catra pauses, the name turning her mouth dry.
“I’m sorry to hear-”
“Just, shut up and tell your stupid story.” She knows she doesn’t mean the stupid part, and the princess not taking offence both annoys and soothes her.
“That doesn’t make sense.” Glimmer chuckles, but resumes once she sees Catra looking at her with pleading eyes. “Right. Grounded. When I was bad, she would send me to my room and I wasn’t allowed to get out for a time, or was stuck inside the castle for a week or two. The day we met Adora was one of those. Bow suddenly came to get me for some adventure, a big First Ones tech discovery or something, and I knew mom would forgive me if I came back with it. I was never good at following rules either.”
“Yeah, right, rebel princess-”
“Catra! Do you think we are that different? We’re both stubborn, defiant and way quicker to lie than we want. But as much as we wish we could, we are unable to hide our emotions. We are snarky, impatient, strong, rash, loving the thrill of adventure and whatever makes us feel alive, but we are also easily lonely, and most of all wanting to be acknowledged. Even the way we fight is similar, both jumping around everywhere! The only difference was her! And you don’t understand how guilty I feel about it.”
“What guilt could you have? I’m the one who killed her! Why would it matter if we are the same?!”
“She loved me! I know she would have loved you too! If she had found you instead of Shadow Weaver, we could have been raised as sisters! If I had been in your place, don’t you think I would have burnt the world too? I was so lucky to have my mom, and I didn’t realise it, and I dared blame you for being raised so bad.”
“You can’t blame Shadow Weaver for everything I did!”
“Of course not, but in the few days I spent with her, she made me doubt my friends and nearly destroy the universe! I have to tell myself everyday that Prime would have gotten here on his own anyway, in order to forgive myself. Then she drove you away and we were so close to lose Adora too-”
“Wait wait, what did you do?”
Glimmer gasps at the interruption. “You don’t know?”
Catra shakes her head.
“I’m the one responsible for getting Etheria out in the universe, when Adora and Bow were assuring me that it was a bad idea. I didn’t listen, I left them. You have no idea how right you were when you said we were both alone, when I found you in the Fright Zone.”
“But you are right, Prime would have found Etheria out eventually. His technology was way ahead of the First Ones’ after all. And I…”
“And you are the one who told him were to look, right. And Entrapta was the one who made the portal, and we were the ones who abandoned her, and you see we can play the Shift the Blame Game all day!”
“Then how does that game end?”
“I’m trying to make you look where it starts for you. Shadow Weaver might not be responsible for all you did, but she is for how you thought, for how wrong you were. When I saw you ready to die, after you even defeated Hordak, I knew Double Trouble was right. The real you was hidden, scared, alone, somewhere behind all that crap she put in your head.”
Catra raises her head with curiosity. Then sighs. “Of course, they didn’t escape and come to take me down on their own. That was low by the way, for a princess.”
“I know. And you know whose idea it was. I thought it was only fair. Until we ended up on Prime’s ship. I wanted to use you to get out, at first. But you came to see me again and again, and I told you, we are way more similar than any of us two wants to believe, so it didn’t take long before I saw myself as being the lucky one again. I was scared, hoping my friends would come and save me. You didn’t even have that hope.”
“That was my fault. I chased everyone away.” Catra’s ears flatten.
“Yeah, and you started to talk to me about Adora. The one little thing linking us. So fond of her, nostalgic of a lost time. So I threw my pity and blame away and started to want to know you too, to understand you. Because that’s who I am, because that’s how my mom taught me to be.”
“Urgh, do you have to make it so dramatic? Unlike you, I only thought I was on the right side of the wall.”
“And then you saved me, how’s that for dramatic?”
“I wanted to save Adora, not you.” Catra’s ears twitch at the uncomfortable correction.
“Keep telling yourself that.”
“You don’t believe me?” Catra blinks a few times in surprise.
“Not even a little.”
“Why? I believe it.”
“Catra, rushing with the first plan we have, risking our lives for others, is something we, princesses, do. You were commander of the Horde, mastermind behind every of its successes, if you didn’t want to save me, you would have thought of a better plan that at least had some chance of you getting out of it. You didn’t even hurt me to make sure we would hate you and not come back.”
“You are thinking way too far into it, Sparkles.”
“One of us has to use her brain!” She grins at Catra, who can’t help but scoff playfully. “We are here to talk about us, however deep we need to dig. Unfortunately, I don’t have claws, so I need words!”
“That was dumb!” Catra smiles shyly at Glimmer's weird attempt at humour in their situation, but it stupidly works anyway, she can feel herself relax a little.
“No, what was dumb was us trying to rescue you. But when Adora asked, I didn’t hesitate for a second. And I would do it again, because it was worth it. You were- are worth saving, Catra, even if you called us idiots for even trying.”
“How can you say that so confidently?” Catra hides her face between her knees again, feeling tears gathering at the corners of her eyes, the excess of emotions and kindness starting to get to her.
“I simply believe it. Special princess’ power! Another lucky gift I received from... her.” Glimmer tries to talk cheerfully, but at another mention of Angella, she begins to sob. “You are a good person Catra. You proved it. And there’s no way mom would disagree. So instead of wanting punishment for her loss, you have to continue to try hard, to make up for it. She wouldn’t want you gone either.”
“I hate you.” Catra sniffles, she hates her own words, she hates how she doesn’t know how to respond better, and the tears start to roll down her cheeks. She remembers again, nobody taught her how to accept kindness. Nor how to give it in return. But the princess does.
“You know, I would hug you if you only opened your heart a little more.” Glimmer is smiling behind her own tears, she doesn’t need more proper words to understand her friend.
Catra raises her head, tears pouring out, she feels like a little kid again and that hug seems like something she has always wanted. “I never learnt how to do that!”
“It’s okay, I did.” Glimmer isn’t sure if she meant the hug or opening her heart but it doesn’t matter. She takes her in a tight embrace, and rests her head on top of Catra’s.
Catra jumps at the sudden gesture, but quickly the warmth and kindness overtake her. She turns and clings at Glimmer with both hands, and she lets herself cry loudly. It has been so long since she last allowed herself to. “I’m sorry!” She finally manages to say between two watery weeps.
“I know. I forgive you.” Glimmer answers, sobbing all the same.
The two girls continue crying for long minutes in the night, the Moonstone basking them in its warm light. They let out all the sadness, regrets and remorse as they cling to each other, as if Angella’s kind spirit was hugging them too.
When they finally calm down and loosen up their grips, Catra whispers. “Sisters, hu.” She smiles.
Glimmer clears her throat softly. “If you tell anyone I said that, I’ll make you regret it for the rest of your life!”
“Oh yeah? What could you even do to me now?” Catra’s snide is back in her voice, but her smile stays soft.
“I won’t tell that you asked me for a hug, deal?”
“Deal, Sparkles.”
“Now we should go back, there is a lot to prepare for tomorrow’s meeting. I could use some help.”
Catra chuckles a little. “Oh yeah, your guards’ training schedule is a mess,” She starts.
“I know.”
“And the management of supplies needs so much improvements,”
“I know!”
“And don’t get me started on how you princesses solve-”
“I know! So are you going to do something about it or not?”
“What?”
“Catra, do you want to officially work with me?”
“You mean work for you?” Catra, taken by surprise, doesn’t even have time to be really snarky.
“Same difference. I mean a real job, title, payment, schedule. Unless Adora and you plan on lazily spend your days, at the castle expenses, using the we saved the world excuse all your life?” Sparkles flashes a wide grin at Catra.
“Hey, we help a lot around. Won’t the other advisers be mad if the queen gives me a title? That would be odd?”
“Not like I ever was a textbook queen anyway! The rules I cross might seem trifling to you, but believe me, for Bright Moon’s standards, I’m quite an unruly leader.” Glimmer declaims, a hand on her chest theatrically. “Then, can you give me an answer by tomorrow’s meeting?”
“I’ll think about it.” Behind her drying tears and her smile, Catra blushes faintly.
“Good. Now can I get us down? I reeeeally don’t have the courage to take the stairs again!”
Catra has no time to answer that Sparkles grins, winks at her and teleports them both anyway. They appear in the corridor leading to both their rooms. Catra staggers, dizzy as usual after being the victim of Glimmer’s power. Two strong familiar arms catch her as she is about to fall against the wall and their blonde owner smiles at her. Glimmer laughs as she lets herself drop dramatically in Bow’s arms.
Their two lovers were waiting for them and after a few worried glances at the red eyes and teary cheeks, Bow and Adora both scoop up their smiling girlfriend, one arm under the knees, the other under the back, and carry them to their respective bedrooms after exchanging short goodnights.
By the time they arrive, Catra has buried her face in Adora’s shoulder and she’s clinging to her neck with both arms. Adora closes the door behind them with her foot and walks to the bed. She loosens her arms a little, but Catra doesn’t move.
“Catra?” Without any kind of answer, Adora tries to sit down on the bed, stumbling slightly in the process.
Catra chuckles but stays otherwise silent. Adora nuzzles her big ears, and starts combing her short hair slowly. Melog jumps from behind the bed where they were sleeping and rests their head against Catra’s chest. It takes a few moments for her to relax, then she begins to purr slightly.
“How did it go?” Adora asks in a whispering voice.
“Well, she didn’t throw me off the tower. She could have, I did that to Bow once.” Catra laughs nervously.
“It’s okay. I’m sure she-”
“I’m okay, Adora! I just needed your warmth to recharge for a bit.” Catra finally raises her head, smiling.
“Recharge? Weren’t we going straight to sleep anyway?” Adora winces at the probably not-intended innuendo.
“I wish. But right now, we need to talk. About Shadow Weaver.”
“We do? You… want to?”
“Yes, there are so many things we didn’t tell each other because of her. I need to let all that out or I feel I’ll regret it. Since Sparkles made me all soft and teary already, might as well grab that opportunity.”