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“Why have you been avoiding us?” Mike asks Max.
“I haven’t.”
The last few months have been pretty rough for the gang. So many deaths, so much violence; it was almost too much for the teenagers. Some people handled the events that took place at starcourt mall differently than others. Some knew how to articulate their emotions, and some didn’t. Some had the space to do so, and others were never offered the luxury. The weight of their losses varied substantially, but they all tried their best to support each other. Most of the group processed out in the open, together, but not a certain redhead.
The longer the months went on the further Max had distanced herself from the other 5 kids. Maybe it was her way of coping, they told each other. She just needs time, they said, we'll wait for her to come to us. But finally, one day, they had decided this had gone on for too long. Cornering Max in the arcade, they dragged her out to the dumpsters to talk.
One by one, each of the boys rattled off questions and accusations at Max, each one adding onto the other. All of them wondering if something is happening at home, or if she needs help, and variations of that. Finally, after Max had answered yet another question, each response coated with more anger and annoyance than the last, El mumbled something out.
"You are lying. Friends don’t lie. Friends don't hide from each other.”
All the boys chimed in in agreement and the redhead grinded her teeth.
“I’m not lying!” she tries to shout through the commotion to no avail. “Just...stop!” She growls.
5 sets of wide eyes land on her, belonging to the 5 surprised faces of her 5 concerned friends. She’d never used that tone with them. It was familiar though. That tone and that volume layered with a signature hurt and resentment was reserved for only her parents...Or Billy. Oh. Billy.
“You guys don’t get to do that!”
"Do what?” cautiously asks Dustin.
“Act like we’re all friends and everything’s normal.” She says, waving her arms around in wide gestures. She pauses, looking at her confused friends, shakes her head, and continues.
"Half the town went to Hopper's funeral. I went to his funeral.” Max says, starting to pace back and forth.
"I pushed Billy to the back of my mind so I could be there for you El.” Stopping in front of Eleven Max jabs her finger at her friend's chest. “So I could be strong for you.”
She takes a deep breath, pinches the bridge of her nose and continues.
"And on that day no one was there.” she says, letting out a breath, her hands swinging down at her sides.
"I was the only one there for him. None of you showed up, not even for me!” She yells, sweeping an accusing hand across them, pressure starting to build behind her eyes.
"Weren’t your parents there?” Will whispers, sad eyes trained on Max.
"They’ve never been there for me, you know that.” She spits, her eyes wandering above them, trying to keep it together. “Neil blames me and he’s always drunk an-an-and angry. My mom always just stands there...” She pauses, “They didn’t even want to spend money on the funeral.” She stares through her friends blankly, her posture growing more and more crumpled.
"Everytime I close my eyes...” she breathes out, closing her eyes for a moment and trailing off.
Suddenly, eyes blinking open, she intensely studies her friends once more. The vulnerability exhibited in her last few sentences, gone, replaced with anger.
"You know I waited hours for you guys to show up.” She says in a low voice, her eyes boring into the ground between them. “I really thought you guys would come. Silly me right?” She toes the dirt with a ratty sneaker, kicking up dusty clouds around her ankles, trying to distract herself from the way her voice breaks at the end of the sentence. She attempts an unbothered smile but the sourness in her tone it warps into more of a grimace.
She turns away from them, hands on her hips trying to steady her breathing. Huffing air up towards the clouds, ruffling leaves on trees. Focused on the slight heave of her chest and pulling and stretching of breaths through her lips. Her throat hurts, her head is pounding in her teeth, and her brain feels muddled.
The party stares at her, concern etched into their features but still keeping their distance. They exchange glances with each other, silently asking what they should do. Her expression screws up into something ugly and she drags a hand down her face, cursing. Her mind keeps going to him. She's trying to stop the floodgates, but the more she tries to stop it, the more her mind flits to unwanted thoughts that fuel the fire. Staring at the ground, a few small sobs slip escape through her lips and run away before she can catch them. Her eyes twist shut and all she can do is think. She reaches up, two hands now successfully hiding her face, and tries to hide her pained features. She doesn’t want to do this here. She lowers into a crouch and buries her covered face in her knees, her body folding in on itself protectively.
This wasn’t the plan. She’s not sure anymore whether or not she's trying to hide the tears and the heavy breathing and the sadness or if she’s at all successful in that half-assed feat. Her mouth has newly developed the taste of salt and the air has taken on the sounds of wet sniffles. Definitely not successful.
The party advances towards her, closing the gap between them. Suddenly by her side, Eleven whispers to her questioningly.
"Max?”
"Fuck. I-I’m sorry. I just--Neil is s-so angry all the time. I’m j-just so tired…” She sighs out her lips curling around the shapes of quiet sobs.
Lucas rounds to her side and hugs her tightly, allowing her to lean her weight off of her feet and onto him. She cries encircled by people who she didn’t know cared anymore, people who she tried to convince herself didn’t care anymore. El kneels next to them, rubbing Max’s back and looking up at Mike standing above her with furrowed brow. The rest of the group stands around her, cringing at every sob and gasp for air, trying to look away, to give them space.
Max’s cries died down quickly, reduced to a watery 1000 yard stare and stuttering breaths every few seconds. Her mind was bouncing around with thoughts but she also felt an unsettling, hollow lightness that she couldn’t get away from.
Lucas looked down at her, his eyebrows pushed together in concern. “Max you wanna get up?” He whispered, “I’ll carry you if you want.” She nods.
A hand on the small of her back guides her up to stand and the group steps back for a second. Soon her legs were situated around his waist, and her cheek was resting on his shoulder. Next stop Mike's house. There’s no way she’s going back to hers. Everyone follows silently already assuming where to.
Will, MIke, Dustin, and El all gazed at Max, none of them able to figure out what was going on inside her head. All they knew was she wasn’t fully there. Her puffy eyes were blankly staring over Lucas's shoulder, the corners of her mouth pulled down into a frown, tears still silently sliding down her cheeks.