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“Now listen, Mina,” says Jungkook, crouching down in front of her. “You have to promise not to run away, or disturb other people, or eat anything gross.”
Mina, being a dog, does not reply. Instead she gazes at him with her big dark eyes, then tries to lick his face.
“I know you can do it,” says Jungkook, seriously. As if he actually thinks she will understand. “We are going to have a nice, stress-free time at the beach.” He strokes one soft, black ear, and she stares into his eyes with total devotion.
As soon as the leash is unclipped, she’s off, leaving them behind with a spray of sand. Jungkook laughs, then stands to brush off his clothes.
“I’m not sure she was listening to you,” says Namjoon. He watches Mina run in loops around the clumps of seaweed. “She’s so fast – if she hits someone, she’ll knock them to the ground.”
“There’s no one else nearby,” says Jungkook. “She’s just excited. Maybe she’s never been to the beach before.”
This could be true. There’s a lot they don’t know about Mina – she’s only been with them for a few weeks, and the shelter gave them minimal background on her. They keep stumbling over new quirks, like the way she hates thunder, or steals and hides shoes. Namjoon thought that it was too soon for a holiday together. The car trip, the strange environment, all the new activities – it seemed overwhelming. But Jungkook convinced him it would work out, and it looks like he was right. As Mina chews at a stick of driftwood, she looks like a very happy dog.
“Let’s see if she knows how to fetch,” says Jungkook. He starts down the beach, then looks back at Namjoon. “Are you coming?”
“In a minute. You go and entertain her.”
Jungkook grins and takes off towards Mina. Man and dog cavort together on the sand. They’re happy; they’re having a good time. Everything is fine, or it would be if Namjoon could just chill the fuck out.
He should be happy too. This trip is full of firsts: first trip with Mina, first time renting a beach house, first holiday for Namjoon and Jungkook since they moved in together. It took a lot of effort to get here - a lot of planning and discussions. Namjoon has researched flea protection, pet-friendly accommodation, first aid. His browser is full of hundreds of tabs; he’s been too scared to close any of them in case they contained some crucial information he’d never find again. But that’s all done now. They’re here, they made it; all that’s left to do is relax.
Jungkook has caught Mina, and now the two of them are wrestling. He is giggling, and she is waving her big sandy paws all over the place. She adores him, has since three days after she came home. She follows him around with soulful eyes, rests her chin on his knee, and whines outside the door if he shuts her out. Complete devotion – but if anyone could inspire that depth of feeling, it would be Jungkook. Sometimes Namjoon looks at his beautiful, shining face and feels exactly the same way. He (usually) has enough dignity not to crawl on him and whine for attention, but he understands the impulse.
Mina doesn’t feel that way about Namjoon. The way she treats them is so obviously different that anyone would be able to tell. Namjoon doesn’t mind – he knows some relationships take longer than others. It’s funny, really, the way she will stare sadly after Jungkook when he leaves her in Namjoon’s inferior company for even a few minutes. But the one time Namjoon made a joke about it, Jungkook got very upset, and for the next few days he winced every time Mina came to him for attention. So now Namjoon keeps those thoughts to himself. He and Mina get along perfectly well; they have already progressed from the wary strangers of a few weeks ago to the polite acquaintances of today. She responds when Namjoon calls her name and doesn’t run away when he pats her. Give it a year or two, and they’ll probably be friends.
“Hyung!” yells Jungkook, beckoning with his eyes screwed up against the glare. He’s knee-deep in the surf; Mina is still on dry land, watching the waves with caution. “Come into the water – I’m sure she’ll follow if we’re both here!”
“Are you sure it’s not too deep?” Namjoon calls back
“It’s fine, she has long legs. Please, hyung!”
And, because Namjoon could never refuse him anything, he takes off his shoes and wades into the water.
Mina does like the water – in fact, she likes it so much that she keeps dashing back into the waves long after the humans have tired of it. Namjoon and Jungkook take a seat on some rocks, and she gallops over every few minutes to spray them with salt water before running off again.
“You know, I think she might be having fun,” says Namjoon.
“You might be right,” says Jungkook. He slants a glance at Namjoon through his wind-blown hair. “And we are too – aren’t we?”
“Yes,” says Namjoon firmly. “Absolutely.” And it is mostly true. The sand, the sea and his family all make a beautiful picture – and if he can’t enjoy quite as much as he should, then he will pretend until his emotions start behaving.
Jungkook beams, then shifts closer so that he can hug Namjoon from behind. He rests his chin in Namjoon’s shoulder, smelling of sweat and sunscreen. The day is too warm for this position to be truly comfortable, but Namjoon leans into the contact nonetheless. He pushes away thoughts and focuses on the sensations instead. Jungkook’s hands on his stomach, his salt-stiff hair tickling Namjoon’s nose. A pair of sea-eagles soaring overhead. Waves lapping against his ankles.
“Is the tide coming in?” Namjoon sits up, frowning at the water. “We don’t want to get caught – I should get my phone and look it up.”
“It’s going out. I checked before we came out here. We have hours yet before it will sweep in and try to drown us. You don’t need to worry.” Jungkook squeezes tighter around Namjoon’s ribs. “Really, you don’t, hyung. We’re on holidays now. You don’t need to worry about anything at all.”
Namjoon squeezes Jungkook’s arm, and bites his tongue instead of pointing out all the ways this is untrue. Because someone like Jungkook really doesn’t need to worry. He is so competent and diligent that he usually does things right the first time round, no false starts. And if something does go wrong, he figures out how to fix it and then does. Whereas Namjoon tries so, so hard, and he still can’t get things right. He has an ocean of good intentions, and no ability to put them into practice. He makes lists, he does research, he sets reminders and alarms, yet he still forgets important details or messes up supposedly simple tasks. So he has to worry, because it’s the only way he can make sure he pays attention. If he relaxes, if he stops constantly reminding himself of all the ways things can go wrong, he’ll slip up yet again and lose something precious.
But Jungkook doesn’t deserve to put up with any of that stress. So Namjoon stays silent, and tries to enjoy the sunshine.
Back at the holiday house, Jungkook begins preparations for dinner. This was another area where Namjoon had grand plans. If he and Jungkook were going to be together, then both of them should contribute equally. He would learn to cook, and then he and Jungkook could share responsibility. But their joint cooking attempts had not been successful. Jungkook had mostly managed not to nag, but he’d watched Namjoon make mistake after mistake in mute distress, while Namjoon had projected a sort of frantic cheerfulness to disguise how hard he was panicking. The results had been some barely edible food and bad moods for both of them. So now, Jungkook does the cooking, while Namjoon concentrates on other responsibilities.
This evening, ‘other responsibilities’ means hosing down the dog. Namjoon hadn’t even thought of that – he probably would have let her saunter inside the house and leave great wet patches all over the furniture. But Jungkook had pointed out how itchy and uncomfortable she would be with all that salt and sand. So now Namjoon is standing in the yard, a hose in one hand and a dubious dog in the other.
For a dog who loves the sea so much, Mina is surprisingly wary of the hose. Every time Namjoon lets go of her collar, she slinks away. Once he gets a good grip and begins to rinse her, she stands, shivering, her head held low.
“I’m sorry,” says Namjoon helplessly. “You really will feel better once I’m done.”
Mina stares at him with reproachful eyes.
Eventually, all the sand and loose fur is washed away. Mina cheers up as soon as the hose is turned off, and as Namjoon rubs her down with a towel, she becomes positively playful. Namjoon lets her go, and she rolls vigorously on the grass, the trauma of the bath apparently completely forgotten.
Namjoon, on the other hand, is sweating and covered in a thin coating of black dog hair. He will need a shower too. He sighs, and goes to find a towel of his own.
Jungkook smiles at them when they both return, clean and fluffy. “All better now?”
“All better.”
After dinner, Namjoon insists that he will do all the washing up. Jungkook wanders off with Mina to watch television, while Namjoon battles with the soap suds. He manages to clean everything without major incident. The kitchen is damper than it was before, but it’s only water. It will dry.
He joins Jungkook on the sofa. “What’s this?”
“It’s a crime drama.”
Jungkook explains the plot and who the various suspects are - it’s hard to follow. Namjoon tries to pay attention, but he has missed too much; it’s not going to make sense. Mina, sensibly, is not even trying to watch. She is sprawled on the floor beneath their feet, snoring softly.
On the screen, a man threatens another man with a gun.
“Why don’t they call the police?” asks Namjoon.
“They are the police.”
“Ah.”
Jungkook mutes the television and turns to look at Namjoon. “You seem kind of… off tonight. Are you okay?”
Namjoon tries to smile. “I’m fine! Just preoccupied with this murder plot!”
Jungkook is not fooled. “Is something wrong?” He bites at a corner of his lip. “Did… did I do something—”
“You haven’t done anything wrong,” says Namjoon immediately. Jungkook will blame himself given the slightest opportunity. “I’m just thinking too much. Worrying about nothing, as usual.”
“What are you worrying about?”
Namjoon laughs and waves a hand. “It’s really nothing worth talking about.”
Jungkook’s face shuts down. He nods and turns back towards the television, his shoulders hunching inwards. Namjoon knows that look. He saw it often, in the early days of their relationship, when Namjoon said something dismissive and Jungkook took it to heart. He also knows what happens next. Jungkook will stop asking questions. For the next few days, Jungkook will be polite, thoughtful, and barely talk at all. He’ll stare at Namjoon when he thinks he’s unobserved, and deny that he’s upset about anything.
Namjoon had hoped never to see that look in Jungkook’s face again. He has to fix this – he has to say something. “I’m worried about Mina,” he extemporises.
Jungkook glances down at the sleeping dog, and back up. “Is something wrong with her?”
“Not now, but I was thinking - she’s middle-aged, for a dog. In a few years she’ll be getting old. She might get arthritis or cataracts. What if we bring her to the beach again, and she doesn’t like it anymore?” Namjoon attempts a smile. “Like I said, nothing worth thinking about now.”
Jungkook takes one of Namjoon’s hands and begins to fiddle with his knuckles. “Do… do you wish we’d chosen a different dog? I know we decided not to adopt a puppy, but perhaps that was a mistake.”
“No, I definitely don’t think we could cope with a puppy.”
“Then… maybe you regret getting a dog at all.” He takes a deep breath, and says in a small voice, “It might not be too late to take her back. I’m sure it would be… inconvenient, but if you really think you made the wrong choice—"
“Jungkook, no!” Namjoon takes Jungkook’s hand in both of his and grips it tightly. “I don’t want that. I love her, and I… I don’t regret anything, okay?”
Jungkook smiles, but it’s wobbly, so Namjoon pulls him into his lap. Everything seems simpler this way, when he has his eyes closed and is breathing in the beach smell from Jungkook’s hair.
“So, is there a problem?” mumbles Jungkook into Namjoon’s collarbone. “I want to help, but I don’t know how.”
“There’s no problem,” says Namjoon. “My brain is just trying to sabotage me. We’ll just ignore it, okay?”
“As long as you’re happy,” says Jungkook.
Namjoon is happy, and he thinks that’s the problem. Somehow, he’s ended up with more happiness than he could dare to hope for, so perhaps it makes sense that all he can think about is how it could all go wrong. It would be unbearable to go back to the boring, lonely person he was before, because this time he’d know exactly how much he was missing.
“You know, even if Mina does get old or sick, that could still be a good thing,” says Jungkook. Namjoon makes a puzzled noise, so Jungkook continues, “Those things might have happened while she was still at the shelter, or with people who don’t care about her, but instead she’ll be with us. And we’ll take care of her, no matter what.”
“Do you think she knows that?” asks Namjoon.
Jungkook nods. “She does. It’s easy to tell when people love you.”
Namjoon rests his head against Jungkook’s. He wants to run his fingers through his hair, but it’s too stiff with salt, so he rolls the strands between his fingers instead. Jungkook wriggles closer and nuzzles into Namjoon’s neck. Mina snuffles on the floor. The muted television continues to show disconnected scenes.
“You’re missing the end of your crime show,” says Namjoon, keeping his voice low.
“S’fine, I already know who did it. Besides, this is more important.”
Namjoon laughs. “What, cuddling on the sofa and talking about nothing?”
“Yes,” insists Jungkook, “this is the most important. The best part of the holiday.”
Namjoon can’t think of anything to say that doesn’t sound unbearably sappy, so he just pulls Jungkook even closer and shuts his eyes.