Work Text:
It was around the time Shin felt like he was going to black out on his way to the shower in his apartment that he knew he had messed up.
He manages to fall over on the couch when a wave of dizziness hits him. He's so stupid. So incredibly stupid.
Every time his parents call to ask how he's doing he flashes a practiced smile they don't even see over the phone and tells them he doesn't need their help. He's an adult now. He knows how to find work, even if the thought of a steady job and reliable income is something he can't imagine for himself. He pays his bills! He feels so spoiled when they offer him money. But Shin Tsukimi is a liar.
His last paycheck went towards his bills, but then he was left with a dilemma. He didn't have the money for food. He hasn't eaten anything substantial in so long that his body is too drained to move now. He has another shift coming up....... at what time? What day is it again? He can't even focus his eyes right now let alone organize his mind.
If he dies here, would he see Sou Hiyori again?
His mind shuts down before he can process that traitorous thought.
Consciousness comes back cloudy as he realizes he hears someone moving things around in his fridge. He doesn't have a roommate, and he wouldn't be in this state if he had anything in his kitchen. The sound of a large pot being placed on the stovetop and the burner flickering on makes Shin curious enough to drag his body over just enough to take a peek in his kitchen. There, he sees a shadow. Someone is in his home, but it's too much work to see who. He should probably be afraid right now, but once more Shin feels himself pass out.
When next he wakes Sou Hiyori is sitting on his couch. Correction, Shin is in Sou Hiyori's lap being cradled in a sitting position in the man's arms while they are on the couch together. An impossible sight; Shin can only rationalize that he must be dreaming. His frien--, no. Hiyori. Hiyori is dead. He's been dead for over a year now. It's all that horrible man's fault he's dying right now! If Hiyori hadn't died...... if he had never lied about..... everything.....! Even in this dream Shin is too hungry to have the energy to be angry. It's his own fault anyway for letting his life fall apart just because he has the audacity to be sad someone who hurt him the way Hiyori did was dead. He leans his head against the man's shoulder. Physically it feels like he really is in Hiyori's lap, but being so close to him it's odd that he doesn't smell like the man. Or a person at all. Just a body dressed up like him, if that were even possible.
"Shin, don't fall back asleep now," and it's so painful that it even sounds like Hiyori is speaking to him. Shin hopes that if he just shuts his eyes and lets the darkness take him again he wont have to suffer through whatever nightmare his mind is about to put him through thinking about this man. But of course he couldn't be so lucky. He feels Hiyori free up one of his hands from holding Shin in his lap to instead grab him by the chin and force his head towards the coffee table. That alone wouldn't have been enough to get Shin to open his eyes, but now that he isn't burying his face in the fabric of Hiyori's scarf he smells his favorite soup.
"Huh?" it's difficult for Shin to speak with his face being gripped but his eyes are open now. This has to be a dream. But he's hungry and there's a bowl of soup waiting for him. Right there. Weakly he pulls the hand away from his chin, but the only thing Shin can say is, "How?"
Shin can hear the amusement in Hiyori's voice when he replies, "Oh? Don't you remember? Mom came by to see how you are doing , you were a little out of it, so Mom made you dinner . Here, have a taste. Straight from Mom's homemade recipe book."
The lie repeats itself in Shin's mind, Mom made me dinner. It's so contradictory to the reality? dream? right in front of him that Shin wants to protest the words coming out of Sou Hiyori's mouth. However the only thing that happens when he tries to speak is Hiyori shoving a spoonful of just warm enough soup in his mouth. He wasn't prepared and chokes on it. Naturally, Hiyori is smiling while Shin suffers. Even so, Hiyori always was a patient man when he wants to be, so he thankfully doesn't try to feed Shin again until he settles down. It's so humiliating, being treated like he can't put food in his own mouth, but slow spoonful after spoonful of what is mostly the broth Shin just can't find it in him to fight Hiyori on this.
He was so hungry he thought he might die. His best friend and worst nightmare is back from the dead to give him food. None of this makes any logical sense, he might as well have been visited by some strange soup fairy. Sou Hiyori is dead and gone and the soup fairy is only giving Shin what he--
"You know, I can tell when you are thinking something weird," the soup fairy with Hiyori's face interrupts his train of thought. Shin must be looking a little more lively because he shifts their positions to allow them both to be sitting on the couch independently. Without being held by the other man Shin's hands instinctively move towards self comfort, with one hand clinging to his own version of the red scarf he wears with just about anything these days. It was a gift. It doesn't smell like Hiyori anymore either. It's Shin's scarf now. He still feels so very tired.
The way Hiyori's eyes pierce Shin suddenly makes him feel very self conscious about his choice in clothing. He brings his knees up to his chest as if having his legs on the couch will be a protective wall against Hiyori. All sorts of negative emotions start swirling in his gut and now that he has food in there he's afraid he might get sick. Shin manages to find his voice to ask, "Why are you doing this?"
"Hm? Is something the matter, Shin?" Hiyori begins playfully. Because Shin has had the time to come to terms with how much his friend had lied to him day in and day out he knows that playfulness is at his expense. Everything was always just a game to Hiyori. Shin braces himself for the next set of lies he's letting the man or possible soup fairy tell him this night. " Mom worries for you , even when you say you are doing well! Don't you think that's what a mom is supposed to do for her son? Mom even made enough for you to have a few days of leftovers , see?"
Again the lies repeat in Shin's mind, the man must be phrasing it this way deliberately. Saying "mom" and not "your mom" as if the words he's saying are coming from Shin's own mind and not being told directly to him. This time the lie is reinforced by Hiyori holding up a container of soup that's already been packed away ready to be put in the fridge. On top is a sticky note with the words Take care - Love, Mom written unmistakably to Shin's eyes in his mother's handwriting. This is dangerous. Even though he ate a little bit, Shin knows he's still too out of it to trust being able to retain the knowledge that he's being lied to when he wakes up and sees the leftovers.
He has to have some way to defend himself from this! His heart feels like it's going to explode from feeling a sudden spike in anxiety. Being given a bowl of soup from his best friend never should have felt like a matter or life or death, but this is Hiyori that Shin is dealing with. He just has to think of a solution out of this trap!
"Hah hahaha hah! As if I would mistaken this for my mother's soup. You've always been terrible at cooking, Hiyori," as the smug words leave his mouth Shin feels his ghost leave his body. Yup, this has to be a dying dream. The last flashes of his mind before he definitely, definitely dies.
The soup fairy must also be at it's limit for mimicking Hiyori because it just sits there in stunned silence for a long moment.
Until suddenly Hiyori's face is right in front of Shin's own as the man leans on top of him oppressively. There's a maniac look in his eyes when Hiyori states, "So what? Do you expect to win a prize if you can figure out the truth? Ding-ding-ding ! Shin Tsukimi remembers his dearest friend's cooking, but what's this? No matter what you choose to believe, Sou Hiyori is dead! Ooooh, reality is harsh. Isn't it, Shin?"
Where Shin had been gripping the scarf he now feels Hiyori's hand lay on top of his own, entwining their fingers. Shin wants to jerk away but the man has so thoroughly invaded his space there is nowhere for Shin to go. He hates this. He missed this. He hates that he missed this. Briefly fear is replaced by pure disgust at having his hand held, and Shin forces himself to continue fighting instead of giving in like he always used to. It's said with tears in his eyes, but he does say, "I hate you, Hiyori."
"Admit it, you miiiiiiiissed me," Hiyori always has to smirk like he knows he's right. And knowing that he is right shreds through the last of Shin's will to fight. When Shin begins openly sobbing, Hiyori doesn't let go of his hand to allow Shin to pull up the scarf to cry into. He only lets go when Shin lets his hand drop down as well.
In fact he backs off entirely once Shin gives him what he wants. The words come out broken by sobs but it's the best Shin can manage, "I miss you so much."
Shin pretends he doesn't hear Hiyori putting the leftovers away immediately following Shin tearing his soul open to him. The dread of longing for his friend never really went away, but being forced to say it out loud reopens the wound fresh. If Shin can't see anything through the tears he can imagine Hiyori is looking at him with his intense gaze like he always does. Did. Because of course when he wakes up tomorrow he'll know that Sou Hiyori is dead and the only thing left behind tonight is the food in his fridge with a note written in his mother's handwriting.
No matter how real it felt to be held by him. This has all just been a dream. A nightmare.
When unconsciousness takes Shin once again his mind is blissfully quiet.