Chapter Text
It is official. Being utterly in love with someone who has no idea of your feelings sucks.
A lot.
And pining over your best friend is not the way you had imagined you would be spending your Christmas at all.
In fact, when your best friends had managed to force you to admit your feelings for a certain blonde best friend of yours, they had hyped you up enough for you to formulate a plan to tell him by Christmas. At the time, it was still a date far in the future, too far to worry about then. And yet, as you stand on the dorm lawn witnessing the chaos as your friends try to string lights across the front of the first story roof, you can’t help but feel defeated and antsy.
You can still do it - you still have, it’s only days from the actual day, and midnight on Christmas eve has been your self-set deadline. But the question now changes from when, to how. It’s not like becoming friends with Bakugou had been easy, to begin with. He is a piece of work, or at least was at the start of your friendship before you had understood just how he works. He can still be brash and a pain in the ass with his competitive nature, but you admire that determination and his confidence in his abilities. He’s calculating, observant, and more intelligent than people give him credit for, yet he is also the most oblivious man on the planet at the same time. How he isn’t aware of your feelings, you’re not sure. But what if he knows, and hasn’t said anything because he doesn’t feel the same and doesn’t want to act on it?
Your heart throbs painfully in your chest and you raise a gloved hand to rub at your temples. If you keep thinking about what-if’s you’re going to go mad for sure.
“Y/n! Can you pass us more of the ornaments?” Kaminari shouts down to you from where he is literally taped to the side of the roof, courtesy of Sero. Rolling your eyes at your friend’s goofy grin and reaching into the cardboard box at your feet.
“Someone please tell me why we thought this was a good idea?” You ask, digging in until you find a red and gold bauble. You toss it to Kaminari without a second thought and smile as he plays hot potato with the ornament, before putting it on the fake garland that’s now wrapped around one of the pillars of the building.
“Because we got permission from Mr. Aizawa to ‘bring the Christmas spirit.’” A voice says coming up to you, and you look at Mina smiling before eying the steaming thermos in her hand. With a sly wink, she holds it to you.
“I bring the gift of hot chocolate goodness from Bakugou and Kirishima - although Bakugou made it. I love Kiri, I do - but I would not trust him in the kitchen unless you want that thing to be ninety percent protein powder and ten percent something gross.” Mina laughs before calling out to Sero and Kaminari.
“Looking good boys!” You smile as butterflies erupt in your abdomen at the idea of Bakugou actually making you something. It isn’t something new by any means in your friendship, but it still makes you smile.
“My question wasn’t so much as why are we doing this, but more so who thought it was a good idea to let us do this.” You say to Mina only for a shout of alarm to come from Kaminari as a piece of tape securing his body to the building comes loose, causing the blonde to now hang upside down from the roof, and creating an avalanche of colorful baubles to fall off his arms where they were resting, and land in the snow at his feet. You glance at Mina with a knowing look and she blows out a breath, pouting.
“Yeah okay, I get your point.”
“Oi Dunce face? What the hell are you doing?” Comes a shout and your head instinctively turns towards it like it usually does whenever the gravelly tone hits your ears. Turning the door to the dorms, you try to hold back a smile when you see a rugged up Kirishima and Bakugou emerge. The latter glaring at Kaminari who is still hanging upside down whilst Sero is too busy on the floor laughing to help.
“Just hanging out.” He replies wiggling his eyebrows at his friends making you splutter your drink in laughter. At the noise, Bakugou looks at you with narrowed eyes before walking your way.
“Don’t go wasting that, I’m not making another,” Katsuki grumbles trudging through the snow before standing next to you. Mina shoots you an obvious wink before skipping over to Kirishima to let you have a moment and you’re not sure if you should thank her or drag her back to you considering your brain is no longer functioning.
“I won’t waste it. It’s actually really good - what did you put in it?” You ask, taking another sip. A look of pride covers Katsuki’s face at your words and your smile inwardly at the thought that you put it there.
“Chili powder.” He replies, stuffing his hands into his pockets, and really you’re not all that surprised. It was especially cold today, and the powder is enough that it helps keep you warm but isn’t too much. Considering Katsuki’s good at cooking, once again it doesn’t come as much of a surprise.
“What are you even doing out here?”
“I’m supervising.” You answer as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
“So whilst I’m slaving over making damn sugary drinks for everyone, you’re out here observing dumb and dumber and doing fuck all?” You look at him and nod, grinning as you take another sip from your drink as if you’re mocking him.
“It’s an important job.”
“You don’t deserve my hot chocolate.” He growls, crossing his arms and for once you wonder if he’s cold. Considering his quirk, Katsuki tends to be a heater all year round and despises winter for the fact that over the past three years of being at U.A. during the winter, his friends tend to hang off him like baubles on a tree, leeching his heat. He grumbles and groans about it, and occasionally blasts Kirishima in the face to get them off, but at the end of the day, he’ll stand there and let it happen.
“I am helping.” You insist, nodding in the direction of your other friends as they vouch for you.
“Yeah her pretty face is the symbol of our class bakubro. She’s helping plenty.” Kaminari grins at Bakugou as he says it, and you notice Katsuki’s jaw clench tight. Normally that look would send the boys running, but instead, Kaminari just laughs as Sero helps him down finally. Once he’s on the floor, they all begin to continue to organize other ornaments whilst you continue to finish off your drink. Supervising is tiring work after all.
“We still have to hang the mistletoe.” Mina barely gets out before Bakugou growls.
“Not a damn chance are you hanging that shit in the doorway.” He snaps at Mina who just stares at him with a knowing smile.
“Well, it’s too bad that your pouty-anti-anything-fun self was outvoted by the class Mr. Grinch because everyone else was fine with it.” She sings before walking over towards the front door. Quickly Mina taps Kirishima on the shoulder and he kneels down, helping her onto his shoulders to stick the fake plant on the door frame.
“I don’t even know why the hell we’re doing all this,” Bakugou grumbles under his breath, burying his chin further into his scarf.
Looking over at the blonde, you smirk at his words over your warm drink. Then, taking a wise dancing step away from him you stare him straight in the eyes as you sing. “You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch.” A startled laugh slips from your lips as you barely dodge the snowball aimed right for your face.
“You’re literally doing yourself no favors Katsuki.” you laugh again as his crimson eyes narrow on you more. Yeah, you’re in deep shit.
The front door of the dorms and out steps Iida, Ochako, and Izuku, the latter who is wrapped in tinsel of every color variety.
“Wow, it looks good guys!” Ochako grins as she looks around the front of the building that has become ‘christma-fied’ as Kaminari called it.
“Everybody, you can come inside now. We will continue tomorrow as dinner has been prepared!” Iida says ushering the group near the front steps back inside, and you slowly make your way back in walking in silence with Katsuki next to you. Just before you reach the front door, you look up expecting to find the mistletoe only for the frame to be empty. The missing decoration has Mina’s antics all over it, but right now your toes are freezing through your converses, and can’t bring yourself to care about much more than that. By the time you make it into the dining area, your friends are all seated and you’ve shed your soaked shoes and slipped on some fuzzy socks. You grab your food and go to take your usual seat next to Bakugou only to find it empty. Trying not to hesitate or be shocked, you sit between the empty chair and your red-headed friend who you knew would have the answer.
“Yaoyorozu wanted to talk to him outside about something,” Kirishima said the second you reached for your food. This time, you don’t let your shock cover your features as you reach for your chopsticks, but you can feel all of your friend's eyes on you, especially Mina’s. After the group sits in silence for a very awkward minute, you look up to them and raise an eyebrow.
“What? I’m not his keeper.” That is all you say before you shove copious amounts of your dinner into your mouth so you didn’t have to talk.
“Right…” Kaminari drawls, which earns him an elbow to his ribs from Sero, an exchange you once again ignore completely.
Why did Momo want to talk to Bakugou? Maybe it was about school seeing as they are both in the top five when it comes to grade placement. Or maybe she wants his advice on training? There was no way she was into him, for you’d barely seen the two hold a conversation outside of school like they were now, and you knew that Bakugou would mention it to you if he liked her…. Right?
Would he?
Deciding that you’re being ridiculous you conclude that it’s not worth fretting over and you swallow before turning to Sero, about to ask about the class plan for the movie night tonight when Bakugou slips through the front door followed by a blushing Momo. Her perfectly sculpted cheeks are tinted pink and her brown eyes seem to sparkle under the bright lights, and before you can stop it your mind slips into a spiral as you think what could have possibly happened to make her that happy… and what Katsuki had to do with it. Luckily, your friends pity you and decide to ask as Bakugou comes and fills his seat.
“What was that about?” Kaminari asks with a mouth full of food. Normally, you’d chastise him for the gross behavior, but at that moment you don’t trust yourself to even open your mouth, not knowing what the hell will come out. And when Katsuki responds, you’re glad you did nothing at all.
“None of your damn business dunce face.” Okay then… Your friends fall into easy chatter, moving on from the event as if it was completely normal, and you hate the fact that you have fixated on it, but come on, what are you meant to do? You want to ask him what happened, but you know that if you do it here you’ll get the same response, so you bide your time until you’re alone in the kitchen with him and are putting the dirty plates in the dishwasher about half an hour later.
“So…” You start, your voice is shaky and you pray that Katsuki doesn’t notice as he passes you another plate. “What did Momo want?” For a moment, there’s nothing but the loud chatter of your classmates outside the door and you’re honestly worried that he’s not going to say anything at all.
“It doesn’t matter.” He snaps back at you and you stop what you’re doing and stare into the dishwasher. When was the last time that Katsuki Bakugou didn’t tell you something? He was a private person sure, but he had a tendency to tell you what was on his mind, even if you weren’t listening - especially if he thought you weren’t listening. At first, getting him to admit anything personal was like pulling teeth, but eventually, he began to open up on his own. But now as you turn to look at him, taking in the seriousness in his gaze and the annoyance radiating off him like heat, you can’t help but feel like you’ve regressed with him. A lot.
“Alright,” is all you can manage to get out in response before you close the dishwasher, not daring to look back at him again. There’s a frustrated sigh and your heart skips at the sliver of hope that automatically makes itself known anytime he talks to you.
“I-” The second he starts, your hope is crushed as he is beautifully interrupted by another voice that doesn’t belong to Katsuki.
“Are guys coming? The others sent me in as we’re waiting on you two.” Jiro asks from the doorway, one hand fiddling with her ear, her calm gaze slipping from you to Katsuki, obviously reading the tension in the room.
“Yeah, what are we watching?” you question, taking the escape to the awkward room the second it appears. You don’t even hear what she says in response as you both leave Katsuki behind in the kitchen and walk to the main lounge where everyone is draped over the furniture or on the floor in blankets. A Christmas tree lights the corner of the room but now, you’re not feeling as giddy as you were earlier that day. The Christmas Spirit has left you completely cold.
You take a spot on the floor next to Mina who is holding a blanket up for you invitingly, and you want to dive right into it.
“Thanks,” you smile at her and pull it up to your chin, leaning your back against the seat of the couch. Iida is fiddling with the remote as someone taps the top of your head. Looking up, you see a glass bowl of popcorn followed by a grin belonging to Kirishima. You take it with a nod before passing it off to Mina, not exactly hungry anymore.
Frustration fills you as the movie begins. Christmas is your favorite time of the year, and in two days, your class will disperse for the Christmas break and you won’t see any of them. It’s your last chance to hang out with them as a whole and you can’t find yourself enjoying it. Your mood dampens as the minutes tick by and by the time you’re halfway through the film, you decide to call it a night.
“I’m heading to bed,” you whisper into Mina’s ear before you quietly rid yourself of the blanket, and leave the room with no one noticing but her and Kirishima, everyone else too engrossed in the film to mind. You can feel your friend’s eyes bearing into your back as you move, but your body is moving on its own, trying to get you out of that cramped room as fast as possible. You hate yourself for needing some quiet to calm your thoughts, to sort through them logically, but you just can’t bring yourself to even smile. God, who gave Katsuki Bakugou the right to have so much control over your thoughts and feelings - in fact, that annoys you most. That your heart won’t let you enjoy something so simple because it was stuck on three little words
‘It doesn’t matter.’ Right, of course, it doesn’t.
You slip into your room quietly and slip on some sweats before falling onto your bed and staring out of the glass sliding doors showing the cloud covered sky outside. It would start snowing again soon, you could tell, but it wasn’t the chill outside that had you shivering. Every time you close your eyes, you see Bakugou’s face, watching as those unbreakable walls come slamming back down, locking you out on the other side. Walls that you had learned you couldn’t break down, but slowly build your own up enough until it was high enough that you could see over, and reach a handover.
What did you do wrong?
Without you wanting to, your brain immediately runs through every single interaction you have had with the ash blonde over the past few weeks, but you come up empty-handed. Even earlier, when you were outside in the snow, he had looked at you with a soft gaze that you earnt, and one that only you ever receive from him. He had teased you and god, he even flirted! Although he probably didn’t recognize that he did it, so it probably doesn’t even count.
Rolling onto your back you rub your face as you let out a breath. You’re not going to be able to sleep like this… Getting up out of the bed, you slip on your slippers and leave your room, going back downstairs only to see it completely empty. Frowning you look up to the clock in the common room and notice it’s already 1am… How long were you lost in your own thoughts?
Quietly slipping into the kitchen for refuge from your thoughts, you reach up into a cupboard near the kettle and begin to pull out the ingredients for a hot chocolate. Katsuki may make one of the best versions you have ever had, but you aren’t so bad yourself - No, we are not thinking about him right now. Make your drink, sit outside, and just let it all go. You nod to yourself, repeating the mantra over and over again internally until you’re sitting on the step to the front of the building, a mug of hot cocoa in your hands, pressed against your lips to keep them warm.
You couldn’t have been sitting there for long before the door behind you opens and you almost jump out of your skin.
“What the fuck are you doing out here?” Your eyebrow raises at Bakugou, who is still dressed in his pajamas like you.
“I could ask you the same question. It’s a little past your bedtime isn’t it?” His eyes narrow on you as you turn away from him, and you instantly feel guilty. You are being rude, and you don’t want to take your anger out on him. He sucks at communicating a lot, so you always have to be the one who initiates it, but for once, you just want him to tell you what he is thinking before you have to pester him about it.
“What’s got you so pissy?”
“The fact that I can’t seem to get some peace and quiet.” You snap back at him and you hear more than see him shuffle until he downs the steps and is standing right in front of you. His crimson eyes glare at you with such frustration, you know it mirrors your own.
“I’m not damn leaving,” He argues, crossing his arms and looking down at you.
“No, I wouldn’t expect you, Katsuki Bakugou, to be the bigger person.” You can’t seem to stop as the frustration bleeds out as anger, and you hate that you’re doing it. But you are so damn hurt!
“Damn fucking straight I’m not! I’m not going to apologize for something where I didn’t even know what I did!” He hisses at you, struggling to not yell as his own frustration at you builds up.
Doesn’t know what he did? You gape at him for a moment before you rub your face and leave it hanging in your hands.
“I don’t want it to be like this.” You whisper. With stinging eyes, you look up to Katsuki who’s eyebrows slowly raise as he takes in your expression, one you know is unable to hide the heartbreak on your face.
“I am sorry for whatever the hell I did okay? I don’t know what it was that made you push me away over the past four hours, but whatever it was I’m sorry okay? I get that you’re a private person, and maybe- maybe I just pushed above my luck. I won’t ask about Momo, or whatever that whole thing is.” Raising to your feet, you pour your hot chocolate off the deck, no longer feeling it, before you turn and walk to the door without letting Bakugou get in a word. Is it childish to want the last word? Yes, but you had kinda just squashed some of your own pride and didn’t want to watch when he stepped all over it.
You’ve barely stepped into the building when a calloused hand pulls your arm back, spinning you around and effectively stopping you in your spot. You stand chest to chest with Katsuki who looks like he wants to punch something, and you close your eyes, readying yourself for a vicious verbal onslaught that you’ve never had directed fully at you before. But it never comes, your only punishment comes in the form of lips crushing against yours, and you’re so stunned you can’t make yourself move. Your eyes open just to make sure you’re not dreaming, but quickly close again as the frustration and tension bleed from your body as his lips move against your own. Sensing your hesitation, he goes to pull back from you, but you don’t give him the chance before you follow his mouth, pressing a soft kiss against it again, and drawing him back in. Warm hands wrap around you as Katsuki tilts his head slightly to the side, deepening the kiss with an urgency. As if he were starved of oxygen and you were his salvation.
After one last lingering kiss, you pull back, not realizing that your hands are now clutching his hooded sweater until you look down at them, the feeling of his racing heart beneath your palms drawing your attention from his eyes that now search your face, for what? You’re not sure.
“What was that for?” You manage to get out, but your words are so quiet, they could have passed for a simple breath. But of course, Bakugou seems to hear it and tilts his head up, forcing your eyes to follow the tight lines of his throat and jaw.
“Fucking mistletoe.” Katsuki bites, looking back down at you, but you’re already looking at the small fake plant hanging in the doorway by a small piece of familiar white tape. Of course, it was. Not trusting your words, you just nod in response, your heart deflating with every passing second.
Of course, he did it because of that, why else would he.
“And because I love your dumb ass,” Katsuki says, running his fingers into the hair by your ear and dragging your gaze to his as his warm palm rests against your cheek.
You feel like you’re suffocating but also taking in air for the first time, and it’s a messy conundrum that your brain can’t understand as you search his face for the truth. He loves you?
“You scare the shit out of me y/n. I tried to ignore it because I didn’t want to be tied down to anyone or anything. I will be the number one hero, but I don’t want to sacrifice one of the best things in my life for it. I want both, so I’ll take them.” he finishes with such confidence your body finally lets his words sink in. He loves you, and it scares him shitless. He has been in such turmoil as you were, and he was telling you this to your face. Without you having to make any massive gesture.
Without any hesitation, you pull him forwards by his hoodie and kiss him again, smiling as he lets out a shaky exhale against your mouth.
“I love you too Katsuki. And I have for a long time. You got under my skin and I can’t get you out of my system. You’re all I want - even though you make me want to throttle you.” You say against his lips, and you move away, finally looking up into his eyes properly. The moment you see the soft look in them, overwhelming tears slip from your eyes and you laugh as Katsuki groans at them. Trying to wipe them away as fast as they fall.
“That was mushy as shit y/n. And don’t cry, I can’t fucking handle it when you do,” he growls, trying to take your gaze from his reddening cheeks that have nothing to do with the cold by wiping your cheeks.
“Deal with it, because it’s going to happen again Katsu. Both the crying and the mushy crap.” You laugh, and your tears finally stop falling, as the overwhelming pressure falls from your shoulders and you lean into his chest.
“Good, also you are visiting me over Christmas break,” he adds and you can’t help but grin at the idea.
“You want me to come to your house? At least buy me dinner first Katsuki you cad.” You tease and the man grumbles at you, sick of your pestering.
“That’s what I’m trying to suggest, dumbass.” His words are barely mumbles, but the blush on his cheeks gives it away, and you barely hold in your giggle at the situation. It makes you feel absolutely euphoric as you lean your head against his chest and look back outside onto the snow-covered lawn.
"What did momo want?" You ask, trying to keep your voice level. Katsuki's chest rumbles in laughter which almost has you looking back up at him, but the hand that gently weaves through your hair has you staying the hell put.
"She wanted to tell me to man the fuck up and tell you how I feel because she was sick of the tension." You bark out a sharp laugh and know that this has your friends' antics all over it. Your heart thrums with so much happiness you feel as if you might just explode.
“Merry Christmas Katsuki.”
“You’re about two weeks early idiot.” He murmurs but then lets out a completely uncharacteristic yelp as you pinch his side. “Merry fucking Christmas you menace,” Katsuki says laughing as he kisses the top of your head.
Merry Fucking Christmas indeed.