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Missed this

Summary:

Moments between Boutarou and Shiraishi that maybe mean Something, or maybe Shiraishi is just reading too much into them. He hasn't decided yet. Is Boutarou just an affectionate guy or is there something more here?

very self indulgent, boushira has been consuming my mind for weeks please be nice 2 me

Notes:

Sorry if this ends abruptly the natural progression of this was for the next scene to be chapter 262/263 and i am not emotionally prepared to write that. maybe one day i will be

come see all my boutarou fanart @kkoitos on twitter

Work Text:

“You know Shiraishi, you’re a funny guy,” Boutarou spoke up suddenly from where he was reclined against the wall, staring up at the ceiling of their tiny shared cell. “You could really make something of yourself out there if you tried.”

“Eh?” Shiraishi blinked drowsily, scratching his cheek. “Where’s this coming from, pirate? You daydreaming about me?” Boutarou gave a short laugh in response, closing his eyes.

“Can’t I care about the wellbeing of my favourite cellmate?” He hummed happily. “After all, these are uncertain times. Who knows what might happen with these tattoos. I know what my plan is once we get out of here. Do you know yours?” He asked, opening one eye to look over at Shiraishi.

Shiraishi was a little taken aback by that. Sure, Boutarou was one of the more pleasant cellmates he’d had in his time at Abashiri but favourite was a big commitment that he wasn’t quite sure he was ready for. And on top of the big ‘F’ word, Boutarou was suddenly asking about his life plans? That’s a little personal buddy. Boutarou was still staring at him expectantly and Shiraishi tugged at his collar a little, uncomfortable under the unusually intense look.

“Uhh...Back to my old life I guess. Brothels and prostitutes and sake,” He finally said with a shrug. “There’s not that much more to me. I’m not one for big plans. Unless they’re escape plans,” He joked with a wink. Boutarou laughed again, turning his gaze to the ceiling once more.

“Well Shiraishi, if you ever run out of brothels to visit, you have a place in my pirate crew. I could always use a new underling,” He said lightly, smiling to himself.

Shiraishi snorted, rolling his eyes a little. “Thanks pirate. I’ll keep that in mind.”

 

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Teaming up with Boutarou wasn’t something Shiraishi was ever expecting to do, in or outside of prison. But here he was, sitting around the campfire, eating sturgeon eggs with the pirate king himself, sitting close enough for their knees to brush.

He hadn’t changed much from their prison days, still long and lean with inky black hair that flowed over his shoulders. It was longer than it had been when they last met, Shiraishi guessed, looking like it nearly reached his hips now. He ran a hand over his own buzzed head, imagining for a moment what it must be like having hair that long. He wouldn’t know, having never grown his hair out past a crew cut.

Another, much larger, hand clapped down on top of Shiraishis and he jumped, spinning around to see Boutarou grinning down at him.

“You haven’t changed a bit, Shiraishi Yoshitake,” Boutarou said, ruffling his hand over Shiraishi's head quite roughly, nearly knocking him over. “Same funny guy as ever. You don’t even look like you’ve aged a day,” He continued, grabbing Shiraishi’s chin next and turning his face side to side as if he were examining him. “You must have good genes. Handsome ones,” He hummed, letting go and patting Shiraishi’s cheek fondly (though again, hard enough to almost knock him over).

Shiraishi could practically see the anger waves rising off Sugimoto out of the corner of his eye and gave a small wave of his hand to attempt to calm him down, they’d already almost killed each other once today and the last thing Shiraishi wanted was another fight. He forced a little laugh and elbowed Boutarou playfully.

“I was just thinking the same thing about you big guy! Feels like we’re right back in the cell, huh?” He joked with a slightly strained grin. To his surprise, Boutarou’s face seemed to light up at that, like Shiraishi’s comment had made his day or something.

“Did you miss me in our time apart?” Boutarou asked, slinging his arm around Shiraishi’s shoulders and pulling him in close. “You’re the only one of my cellmates I missed. I always wondered if you were going to show up out of the blue and join me. It must’ve been some kind of fate,”

Shiraishi wiggled around to try and pull free but Boutarou’s grip was strong so he gave in to being the man's plaything for the night. Even back in prison, the pirate had never had a sense of personal space. Shiraishi didn’t have much of one either to be fair, but he also wasn’t a six foot something giant slinging people around.

“Aw, I never thought about it that much,” He finally responded, his tone a little awkward. “I tried not to dwell too much on my Abashiri days, y’know? No point being depressed about the past when there’s pretty ladies to seduce eh?”

“Didn’t want to think about what would happen if I ended up on your little hit list of prisoners to skin, hm?” Boutarou asked, his grip tightening to an uncomfortable level for a moment before relaxing. “I never thought you’d get into the gold hunting game Shiraishi. Who was your first? Henmi? Nihei? Your other friends?” He guessed. Shiraishi swallowed nervously.

Again he noticed Sugimoto’s metaphorical hackles rise and got even more nervous. It was nice that Sugimoto apparently cared enough to want to defend him from Boutarou’s strange questioning but then again, with the apparent hair trigger Sugimoto had been on lately, Shiraishi didn’t want to be caught in the crossfire.

“It wasn’t really like that,” Shiraishi dismissed with a wave of his hand. “I wouldn’t say we have a hit list. We’re just kind of travelling and seeing what we find. Asirpa doesn’t like to kill anyway. It only happens if it’s in self defence. Right Sugimoto?” Sugimoto grunted in response, tearing into another hunk of sturgeon meat. Not an ideal response but better than stabbing Boutarou with his bayonet at least.

“And besides,” He continued. “We weren’t looking for you to skin you or anything. We were looking for you because you’d be a valuable ally. And you are!” Shiraishi grinned up at Boutarou. “How many other guys do you know who can hold their breath longer than a fish can?” He joked. That made Boutarou laugh.

That was something Shiraishi had missed a little, he had to admit. Most of his new friends didn’t laugh at his jokes like Boutarou did. Sometimes he’d have gotten a chuckle out of Kiroranke or an amused eye-roll out of Asirpa but Boutarou laughed like Shiraishi had told him the best joke on earth, no matter how cheesy or lame the joke was. And it wasn’t a mocking laugh like Nihei, but a genuinely happy one. It was nice. Maybe having Boutarou join the team wouldn’t be so awkward after all.

Once again, Boutarou’s thoughts seemed to be in sync with Shiraishi’s own as he spoke up again. “That’s what I missed, y’know? Nothing could make me laugh like your jokes Shiraishi,” He hummed, his eyes squinting closed as he smiled. Shiraishi felt a fuzzy warmth in his chest and relaxed a bit. Yeah, this was nice. He could live with this.

 

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One thing Shiraishi definitely didn’t miss about Boutarou, he thought to himself as he lay awake in the middle of the night, was the man's lack of personal space awareness. In the weeks since Boutarou joined their little party, Shiraishi had awoken to find the larger man draped over him and pinning him down more times than he could count. Even when they went to sleep on opposite sides of the group, the pirate still apparently managed to find his way over to Shiraishi's futon more nights than not.

Why him? Shiraishi sighed as he nudged at Boutarous' heavy arm with little hope of actually freeing himself. Why didn’t Boutarou ever get cozy with Sugimoto or Hood-Guy? Why was Shiraishi his only target? He’d been like this back in Abashiri too, though not as extreme. At least once he’d been woken by Nihei’s raspy laughter to find himself all but cradled in Boutarou’s arms as they slept. Did he think Shiraishi was some kind of teddy bear?

Maybe he trusts you, a small voice in the back of Shiraishi’s head spoke up, making him pause for a moment. Trust was a big thing for a criminal. It had taken Shiraishi himself a long time to trust his current companions (Hood-Guy still pending). Why would Boutarou trust him of all people? They were acquaintances at best, right? Right?

Shiraishi wriggled around a little so he could crane his neck and look up at the sleeping pirate. He looked… peaceful. Boutarou’s face usually had a blank look to it, like a particularly dumbwitted dog who thought of nothing more than the fly buzzing around its ears. Shiraishi had always assumed that it was his default state, like his brain only turned on when he had to kill something. But now he wondered if that was true. Boutarous face when he slept was relaxed, missing a level of tension that Shiraishi only really noticed the absence of now that he was looking closely.

Maybe there was more going on in Boutarou’s head than Shiraishi gave him credit for.

 

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“I can’t decide if I pity you or envy you, Shiraishi.”
Well. That came out of nowhere. Shiraishi sat up from where he’d been stretched out on the floor of the house Hijikata had brought the group to, looking over to Boutarou who was similarly reclining. The taller man was staring up at the ceiling, a thoughtful look on his face.

“...What?” Shiraishi asked after a few seconds of silence, staring down at him in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“I can’t decide if I pity or envy you,” Boutarou repeated, sliding his gaze over to Shiraishi but otherwise not moving. “You never knew your family. You were raised in a temple. Is it sad that you never knew the warmth of a family, or is it lucky that you’ll never have to experience the pain of losing one?”

Shiraishi was a little dumbfounded. First of all, this was a wild topic to bring up out of the blue when they’d just been relaxing together, and second of all…

“How did you remember that?” He asked in surprise. He’d only mentioned it once to Boutarou, so long ago that even he barely remembered it.

“I think about it a lot,” Boutarou shrugged a little. “Because of that question. Would I be less lonely if I was in your place? Or more? It’s a lot to think about.” He was quiet for a few moments before speaking again. “I think it’s envy. Not having a family to begin with must be less painful than losing all the family you have. You don’t know what you’re missing out on.”

Boutarou suddenly looked very sad and Shiraishi felt his heartstrings tug a little. For being a giant murderous pirate, he sure looked a lot like a kicked puppy right now.

“Aw come on big guy,” He cooed, leaning over and giving Boutarou’s hair an affectionate ruffle, messing it up as much as he could with the man lying on half of it. “Don’t be sad. You’re gonna make a new family, aren’t you? On your little island with all your fruit?” He prompted. “Instead of dwelling on and being sad about the past, you should think about the future! Isn’t that part of your beliefs or whatever anyway? Positive thoughts keep you alive, right? So you better stop being sad or you’ll die,” He joked.

For a second Boutarou’s face scrunched up and Shiraishi thought he was going to cry. Then suddenly he was laughing, raising his hand to cover his mouth in a move that seemed a little too dainty for him. Shiraishi joined in with a chuckle that quickly turned into his own laughing fit, Boutarou's laughter infectious. After a few minutes of laughter, Boutarou abruptly rolled over and caught Shiraishi around the waist with his arm, pulling him back down to join him on the floor.

“I should’ve known you’d make me feel better Shiraishi,” He hummed happily, resting his chin on the top of Shiraishis head. Normally this was way too close for Shiraishi’s comfort zone but right now he was happy to stay where he was, feeling almost drunk in the giddy atmosphere they now found themselves in. Having Boutarou here was nice actually, he decided after all. It’d been a little awkward at first but moments like this? They were nice. Shiraishi hadn’t been so comfortable with someone like this in a long time. He closed his eyes and smiled, content to stay exactly where he was. He’d missed this.