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I.
When he wakes up in the middle of the forest he remembers nothing. When he stands up and goes forward he feels too unfamiliar with his own body. When he looks in the river and sees his own reflection he doesn’t recognize the face.
‘You. Him. Late, late, he is late, he isn’t, he is here, he—‘
There is an endless chatter somewhere, but he can’t realize where. The chatting people don’t even notice him, or so it seems.
“Hey?” He says very quietly.
‘—it is him, he is not late, he hears, good,enoughwemakehimhurtwhocareshellohiheyhello—‘
His head hurts, and he can’t understand why.
“Who is him?”
‘—technobladetechnobletechnoblade—‘
Him.
“...I am Technoblade.” He says unsure looking on the water.
Voices
It is something he has begun his life with — with the awful chatter of thousands, if not millions, voices in his head. It is ironic actually: there were voices, but not any memories.
At first, he thought everybody had voices in their heads. Nobody was there to tell him that he is possibly insane.
Then, at some point he learned that actually voices are considered a bad thing. He suspected it before, of course, since the loud talk always made his head hurt.
But still, he denied it -- so, at the second he thought it was some help from the gods. Thanks to endless chat he was never alone, what else could he wish for?
At last, he learned truth the hard way.
‘B l o o d f o r t h e b l o o d g o d.’
Truly, he was at the center of this stage: a child fighting with bare fists, a child making a head of skeleton crack under his foot, a child ripping out an eye out of an enderman with a low growl.
Voices were his perfect audience. Always asking for more…
...and he was willing to give this ‘more’ to them.
Blood
That’s what they demanded -- the voices in his head wished to see the seas of blood. Gladly, they didn’t need to wait a lot: Techno was quite skilled for a child. Honestly, he was impressive!
He was only four and already dug his claws in the pig’s skin. The creature was helpless -- Techno pinned the animal down with both his legs and eyes. He moved his fingers slowly, listening to the desperate plea of it. Screams of agony sounded pleasing, since they were so loud he couldn’t hear the voices anymore. Then he started slowly to have a taste of its meat. Techno bit off a piece of ear. Then leg, then something else (he couldn’t see what he was biting anymore, everything was so red).
He was so hungry and the night was so cold.
And here was blood and blood was so warm and blood was everywhere and blood was crimson red like his eyes and--
Blood felt like home he never had .
Curse
At some point voices told him that it wasn’t others who were strange.
It was him.
‘Curse! Cursed child… Born!!! Under the unluckiest star ever! Cursed, pig, piglincursecursedloserhahahatechnocursed--
That day Techno went to the river once again. He looked at his reflection with suspicion.
What was wrong with him? Was it his big teeth? Or was it his ears? Or perhaps it was that his hair was pink? Maybe he is too tall and strong? Honestly, Techno was lost in thought: in his vision he seemed very pretty and cool looking.
And then something crunched from behind.
The child is used to the fact that everything there was in the forest wanted to kill him: the birds wanted him to die from sleep deprivation, wolves wanted to eat him, pigs wanted revenge for the eaten one. Yet never have he ever seen somebody that looked like him -- a straight-standing person with hair only on their head -- point a metal sharp stick at his throat.
“Monster!”
He was scared, but the voices were so happy, they could not wait to see what would be next…
Since it is blood for the blood god.
The next day the small boy with a skull of a pig in his hands had emerged from the trees, once again coming to see the river. All crimson red, with his skin torn in some places. He liked his face, but now it had this ugly line of red.
“Run! Run away, this monster killed the hunter!”
He turned to see who was behind him. Those people ran away before Techno could actually say anything, so he just stared with dead crimson eyes at the place where they were standing before.
“So that’s what the curse is?” He asked meekly the voices.
Orphan
He didn’t remember his parents and he didn’t remember how they died. It was the voices that told him.
The orphans obliterated his parents, and the voices called it such an irony, that Technoblade was now an orph—
“Shuddup.”
Technoblade wasn’t an orphan, despite the fact he was alone without parents in the forest. No, he wasn’t. Simply because he didn’t make other children orphans. Simply because he is the second worst thing to happen to those orphans, not the first.
Simply because he was just old enough to take care of himself alone.
Xenophobia
“Hey, child, are you lost? You know it is dangerous for kids to walk all alone--”
Techno turns around, ready to jump on the blonde man. Kid looks truly awful -- scarred, with a skull on his face, clothes he had on he had already clearly overgrown. Voices were already hyped, all prepared for the fun that was going to be after that. A low growl--
“Hey-hey, calm down, little one. I won’t attack you.”
It caught the child off guard for a few seconds. The blonde genuinely was happy that the child understood what he was saying -- that kid looked wild, belonging to the forest.
“Why should. I. Believe… Blonde man?” Of course the pink haired one had some troubles with talking, but it wasn't like he even was asking him.
Truly, Techno didn’t talk to him. The voices were mumbling, muttering, they didn’t thirst for blood anymore, since not any single person before actually promised to not attack the body they were in.
‘trusttrusthim, He seems trustful, Hey this guy seems nice, hey, believe him, follow him, trusthimheisagoodone--
“Why won't you attack me?” Asks Techno, eyeing the man with suspicion.
“Why should I?” The man answers with a question and the kid doesn’t like it.
“Face. Ears. Bangs. Monster.” Coldly answers the child.
“I don’t see any monsters around.”
“So you are not only stupid, but also blind. You are looking at the monster right now.”
“Huh? You are a child, not a monster. And how can I even say anything about your face if I didn’t see it?”
Child is silent for a few seconds, but then speaks again. “Go away.”
“No.”
“I will attack you. I will kill you.”
“No.”
The child looks annoyed, readies to attack once again--
But something touches his hair. The man’s hand. Is he petting him?
“You have nice hair, you knew it? You also look strong, but at the same time pretty.”
Why does Techno have no power against this man? Why can’t he just thrust his claws in his hand? Why--
“The people around don’t like you, right?”
He does not answer, keeping wondering just what is wrong with this man.
“They are just stupid and xenophobic.”
“...what is xenophobic.” The words coming out of Techno’s mouth don’t even sound like a proper question, more like a really confused order.
“It is when people hate the ones that aren’t like them.”
A long silence. It goes for almost three minutes.
“Technoblade.” Suddenly the child speaks once again.
“Wh-- Ah, that's your name? I like it.” Man smiles softly. “Do you want to come with me?”
…
After all this time Techno still wonders why he followed Phil that day.
Skull
The skull was something he was never eager to leave behind.
(Phil takes the skull off his head with such ease and care that Technoblade feels defeated by him yet again.
Phil smiles softly and places it near Techno so the pink haired child would see it and then—
Phil starts cleaning his face with a wet towel and Techno can’t hold back a little squeak.
“Stop.” Says the boy, once again thinking of whether he should attack the older man or not. He was almost ready to actually attack, but.
“I am not going to scar your face, don’t worry. I just want to see your face clean and happy, alright?”
It is 0-3 with Phil winning. Techno just can’t defeat this man.)
It was his first trophy and his first protection.
(Wilbur smiles competitively.
“So, what if we have a duel for your mask?” Soot asks.
“Ha. Ha-ha-ha, that was a funny joke.” Techno does not laugh genuinely, yet he can’t but smile.
“I am not joking, Techie. You won’t even notice how you lose.” His eyes glimmer with competition.
The pink haired chuckles. Oh, the competition is in their blood, isn’t it? “If you are so sure… fine!”
…
“Hey, you were cheating, let’s fight once again!”
…
“Phew, I am just too good at this.”
….
“Fine, you win.”
…
It is 0-3 with Technoblade winning.)
It was something that he could not let somebody even touch too easily.
(Techno already told Phil a few times — Tommy was freaking stupid.
He was actually asking about 8 + 8, but with something bitter in his voice Phil says “he is just a child”. Techno answers with “oh, as if me and Wilbur aren’t children” and never gets any other answer.
But at some point he understands that Tommy is a genius just like dad.
He did take his skull, his trophy! Without even asking!
But he hears Wilbur and Tommy laughing, and he sees their eyes shine with happiness.
He listens to Tommy mocking him, then Wilbur, and he realizes.
He just can’t beat this stupid child.
It is 0-1 with Tommy winning, since Techno lost without even fighting.)
Knife
The first knife he ever had was given him by Phil. It had a small, little bit rusty blade and it actually barely cut flesh.
“It will be easier to use than claws.”
Phil teaches him proper fighting with blades and Techno is excited. He won’t have to clean his claws ever again!
The second knife he ever was given was made out of wood and wasn’t actually a knife.
“What is this, Wilbur? Why are you giving me a stick?”
“It isn’t a stick, you moron, it is a knife!”
So, Techno takes it and tests on his own hand — trying to cut it at least a little.
Nothing. He is disappointed, but then he hears Wilbur gasping in fear.
“Really a moron! What if you would actually cut yourself?!”
“I knew it was a stick and sticks don’t cut.”
“This is a knife. For training. For sparring.” Wilbur now sounds disappointed as well.
“...But it doesn’t cut—“
After that Wilbur brings Phil to explain Techno how do wooden knives work and, honestly, pink haired child felt so stupid and enlighten at the same moment that he wanted to punch himself.
After that they spar with Wilbur a lot. Techno wins, but sometimes Wilbur do impress him and— And it is nice. He never does tell it to Wilbur or Phil though. And never will he tell them that he still keeps these knives.
Potato
Phil was honestly scared of just how his son is stubborn and competitive. Technoblade was really going to win the “potato war”. Yet, Phil never thought of this as a bad thing. Potatoes are a good obsession, especially if they can replace the blood thirst.
(Though, Tommy and Wilbur are sick of eating potatoes. So, they throw mashed potatoes at Techno and Techno throws mashed potatoes in answer and Phil tries to stop them. Yet, he ends up cleaning the whole kitchen alone, since Tommy is too young and clumsy, Techno is too busy with potato war and Wilbur tries to get his guitar to play as needed.)
When Techno won, Phil saw his eyes. Glimmering with life, happiness and without any violence. Those red crimson eyes weren’t now colored blood. Rather, it was a color of fresh apples.
Phil couldn’t feel any more proud of his son.
Roar
Techno hates when people call him an animal. He also hates when he sometimes actually does act like an animal: stares at shiny things, doesn’t use a fork to eat meat and… roars. It is mostly a battle cry, that he does without thinking.
“You know you roar sometimes we duel?” Wilbur asks him suddenly.
“I don’t roar.” Techno doesn’t even turn to face his brother, keeping on with farming.
“You do.” Wilbur says, chuckling.
“No.”
They argue for nearly thirty minutes, until they start a little fight. Techno actually makes a low roar and then the whole farm goes into laughter.
Anarchy
The word Anarchy was always sounding somewhat familiar. At the same time, the word Government sucked.
There was something like freedom in the word Anarchy. Voices liked that word as well. There was nothing like freedom in the word Government. Voices didn’t like that word as well.
In the Government there were people who tried to control him. They tried to contain him, as if he was some sort of anomaly (well, wasn’t he?).
“It is for your own safety.”
It isn’t long until he makes his favorite word a new reality: at midnight the “safe street” fills with screams of agony. Technoblade puts an axe through one soldier’s head, shoots with the arrow eye of another one. After a few months under the Techno’s blade there is a kingdom falling down. No control, no rules, no holding back.
If the price of safety was his own liberty he didn’t need it.
Techno takes the fallen’s king crown and gown. Technoblade doesn’t need anybody to rule him, he doesn’t need anyone above him -- he is enough for himself.
It is his first war, his first revolution, and he comes out a winner -- a country that was standing here now turned into ashes with nobody wishing to take the tyrant’s place. They knew that any ruler would follow the dead one’s fate.
(“Hello, Phil.
I am sorry I didn’t write for so long, I was really busy…”
Finally, Philza feels at peace: he really didn’t receive Techno’s letters for long and was starting to get worried.
“...I will come home soon…”
He smiles warmly.
“...I had quite a journey actually. I literally destroyed a whole kingdom…”
Smile fades, now with each word Phil’s eyes widening.
“...by leading a successful revolution…”
How is Phil going to explain to his other sons where the older one was? Well, one thing for certain, Phil won’t let Technoblade explain it himself: Tommy is just too innocent to hear all these descriptions of blood.
“...I also got myself a crown and a gown…”
Oh god.)
Ne(i)ther
When blood was warm, Nether was hot.
He felt even more home.
He felt welcome.
Piglins never dared attack him and would always be interested in his gold-n-jewel crown. Piglins also did look similar to Techno (though, Techno was a bit more human) and even the voices seem to calm down near Piglins.
Yet, Technoblade was disappointed so much that he killed half of Nether’s piglins in one hour and voices got back, and it was a true blood fight.
Never ever did they talk. They were walking pigs that acknowledged how to make weaponry, but couldn’t freaking talk.
It felt like home, it felt welcome, but Techno didn’t belong to this world as well. Seems like he didn’t belong to the nether and overworld neither at this point.
War
Most of his life was war. The war versus a tyrant. The war for food. The war for safety. He earned his ‘name’ all by himself: always starting his fights alone, but all prepared.
Blood god -- that was how they called him on the battlefield. Monster, a thing, cold-blooded asshole, murderer, killer -- and all of it was true. Techno wore his crown with pride, wore his royal burgundy gown since that’s what he was. He was higher than any of those dead bodies were. If he wished to, he could conquer the whole world. If he wished to, he could probably overpower death, if he didn’t already. In the end he will be always standing up, bright. Behind his head, behind his silhouette, a dying soldier would see an aureole of light -- was Technoblade just a man?
...another firework went off, another aureole behind him…
Or had he become the actual blood god?
He wouldn’t know the answer himself.
Zodiac
Every time he tried to remember under which star he was born, he would forget. As if it was truly the unluckiest star in the whole world. At some point he precisely said the moment he was born (because voices say ‘tell him you are the oldest, tell him, tell him--’), the next day he forgets when. At some point he would have his silent birthday party with Wilbur, but the next week he feels so lost in time that he can’t even put his finger on this very special day.
Despite how much he wanted to not believe in the concepts of fate and karma here was he sitting at the deep of night looking at the stars. Was he destined to do all of these things? Was he destined to have his parents killed? Was he destined to have so many scars? If so… Fate sucked. It was like another form of control, and he didn’t like it at all. If he had to he would destroy it too -- he would conquer the skies, destroy all the stars, and then he would speak up loudly: "Everybody who will try to build a stupid shit like that once again will die by my hand. Am I understood? Am I understood?"
Ironically, he would never be understood.
Horse
Technoblade wasn't that fond of animals as pets actually. He kept a few monsters, since it was riskier, and they obviously lived longer, but they were… not smart. And almost had no use except some fun. Where the question of fast traveling comes up he first dismisses the idea of getting a horse: he had the trident and the trident was obviously faster than a horse. Also, it was more thrilling. The voices surely loved when it was raining.
Yet, he returns to the idea when it is already three days that went on without any rain. He finds himself a few horses, yet they do not impress him.
Until at some point the one horse named Carl learns how to open chests and doors. Honestly, Techno was both impressed and annoyed. Now, just how fast this one horse became his favorite? Very-very fast. Sometimes Blade thought that Carl actually even smarter than Tommy.
E.
When it is especially bad it feels as if someone cuts his head with a saw.
‘E! E! E! E!’
They ask for more and until he gives them more this awful screeching ‘E!’ won’t stop. It is not just his ears ringing -- everything is ringing, everything, everything--
It doesn’t stop, when he makes a hole in Tubbo's fragile body.
It doesn’t stop, when he also makes holes in Schlatt and Quackity.
It doesn’t stop, when with dead bloody eyes he turns to the audience.
It stops only when everybody is injured.
It stops when before his eyes he sees only red.
...
He can’t help but smile.
L’Manburg
“Blood for the Blood God!”
And the withers fly high, and the audience in his head is all screaming: they just can’t wait, and here is Dream himself destroying somebody else’s dreams, and here fly fireworks to the sky.
The number sixteen is burnt in his head deeply, because he just can’t control himself: everything is red, everything shines, everything whines in agony.
L’Manburg was Wilbur’s unfinished symphony for a reason: he dreamed of safety, liberty and peace and this symphony was just too ideal. He could never make the final verse of this song, because the easy truth is that the government just doesn’t work.
Technoblade is going to teach them a lesson. A great speech about why they fucked up big this time and yet. At this very moment Techno realizes that even here people are too stupid to comprehend an easy truth. T hey never listen.
Pathetic.
Mo(u)rning
It is not like five am is too early for Techno. He can go without sleeping for a few days. For whole weeks.
It is just this morning that makes him sick. He doesn’t want to stand up from the bed, he doesn’t want to walk all this way.
He doesn’t want to feel that mo(u)rning.
But here he is, standing right before Wilbur’s grave. He checked for a few times that nobody is even close to this place.
Techno stands here silent for a few minutes and then just leaves.
(When Ghostbur sees a wooden knife at his own grave he suddenly remembers another thing. Ooh, it is a good thing! He had a good time back to those days, when he saw this wooden knife nearly every day.
Techno was always better than him at fighting, but it didn’t matter. Both of them were competitive and none of them wanted to stop these fights till it was time for lunch.
So, he leaves a present for Techno.
The next morning Techno wakes up and sees a blue near his bed.)
Fault
“It is your fault!” Tommy screams.
He screams more and more, he screams so much that he is even louder than voices in Techno’s head, but he just doesn’t listen.
It was their fault to set a government right before an anarchist.
It was their fault to replace one tyranny with another.
It was his fault to be so stupid and get used.
Partly, it could be his fault for being a bad person: because Wilbur is dead, because they're no longer a family…
Yet, he is not remorseful in any way.
Tommy can punch him as much as he wants: Technoblade always strikes back, because brot— friendship means nothing.
Tommy can scream as much as he wants: Technoblade won’t listen anyway.
The whole L’Manburg can hate him as much as they want: Technoblade doesn’t care in any way.
They can have as many bounties as him as they want: Technoblade never dies.
Technoblade doesn’t need anyone anyway.
(But here he is, giving compass to Phil, here he is, considering if he could turn his back to Phil and not get stabbed, here he is, actually turning his back.
Here he is.)
Years
Techno didn’t ever cut his hair. The long braid was a proof of how long he lived, and also a proof of the fact he was so superior that no enemy yet did cut his hair.
He is the oldest of three brothers that grew under Phil’s wing. He still would be the oldest even if it was Wilbur that was born eight minutes earlier. He grew too fast: thrown into surviving with no parents despite the fact he was just four.
His brothers Those two followed the bad suit.
Wilbur became the president too early, so early that when he becomes the ghost he is back to what he was ten years ago.
Tommy is willing to sacrifice everything despite the fact he didn’t even turn full eighteen.
They say that “time heals”, but Technoblade hates this quote. It never does — time makes things only worse.
Time made their family friendship worse.
Death
As a warrior he encountered it a lot. He killed his enemies, he killed animals, some of his ‘pets’ had died and some of his allies were rotting down the river. He just got used to it.
When he was born into this world he already was walking at the edge of a knife. Cursed, monster, the chaos embodied in one single body, all in blood.
He never gave a human’s life much thought: everybody dies at some point. Yet Technoblade is no ordinary human.
Everybody that tried to kill him heard that chuckle. That chuckle that was always sending chills down the spine and the grand words…
TECHNOBLADE NEVER DIES.
Quackity got what he deserved. The Techno’s pickaxe was all in blood when he pulled it out of the dead body’s teeth.
He can’t even hope that Quackity will ever learn his lesson.
Ultimatum
Techno is smart. He knows it, because he always wins. Stupid people don’t win and, somehow, they just can’t recognize a smart person when they see. He was sick of it. Of stupid ultimatums of stupid people and of setting ultimatums that stupid people didn’t ever follow.
"I think this is the start of a new era, okay? You know I tried the whole violence route. I tried violence, I tried to reason with them, I tried to stop the government at all costs, but it didn't work, I could not change the hearts of men- the greed- it was too hard to drive out, so you know what? I'm just going into retirement Phil, I'm just going to chill. I'm going to stop using violence to convince people, I'm just going to chill in the Arctic North... Maybe I'll start a farm or something, y'know? I'll stop being a terrorist because it ain't convincing nobody Phil. They just keep making new governments Phil. I still believe... that governments are no good- they're just ruining everything- but you know... people are free to make their mistakes at this point. I don't know."
That’s what he says to Phil, packing the crown, the skull and the gown away. He looks on the box with sadness. It will be hard to ignore the voices, it will be hard to stop getting prepared for endless war. Because there will always be war, right? He thinks there will be, but then he looks into Phil’s eyes…
...and it fills him with hope. Perhaps, he is smart enough to follow his own ultimatum.
(But in the end of the week stupid people will break an ultimatum that weren’t even set for them.)
Quit
Techno could never quit the violence, could he? When the voices become not bearable he deals with his problems the best way he knows: with a blade. Cutting through skeletons felt nice.
A secret base full of stuff for creating Withers felt even nicer. He never told anyone about it: it was something like a trophy room, but only for him to enjoy.
The single idea of ‘minor terrorism’ and screams of agony made him feel at peace.
Ghost
Technoblade surely expected to be haunted by someone: he killed so many people that he wouldn’t be surprised if the whole underworld wanted him dead. Yet, the only ghost he is haunted by is the ghost of his younger brother Wilbur.
And this is the worst haunting there could ever be.
Wilbur is acting as if he was eight once again. He is so innocent that it makes Techno sick. Staring out of the window, the only thing that Blade can do is pray, that Soot doesn’t get caught.
He gets caught as soon as he walks out. Techno doesn’t know why he is happy that dead people can’t die twice -- shouldn’t he just not care about Ghostbur?
Ugh.
It makes him even more sick that despite the fact he prepares for a fight he can’t just throw blue away from his inventory.
Tower
Towers were useful for sure — easier to shoot an enemy with a rocket without getting any hit back. But despite all of that he doesn’t like towers.
Because they remind of a name that Technoblade doesn’t want to know. Tommy always comes in his mind after the word tower. God-damn it, the kid built so many stupid and unneeded towers that Blade never liked and yet—
He missed them.
Tommy hated him and Tommy blamed him for destroying L’Manburg. Techno could blame Innit for using him, but he never does than once: this is useless.
He says “I don’t care” looking back at the crater left of L’Manburg, but still comes to see his little brother on his exile.
He says “Tommy is stupid” and that’s exactly the reason why he never can’t forget his name, this person. Tommy never had heeded any warnings.
He was ready to die like a hero, because he was stupid.
He was ready to be exiled like Theseus did, because he was stupid.
And Techno wanted to punch himself for being so stupid, because he still kept remembering this name here and there.
Now, when there is a stupid tower near his base, now, when there is stupid Tommy under his base, now he is feels at least a little at peace.
WELCOME HOME, THESEUS.
Jade
Perhaps not a lot of people expected Technoblade to actually like jewelry. And gold. At the same time, it is not even surprising — Techno wears the crown even while he is busy farming potatoes. Sometimes he just can’t help himself but stare at the jade blocks.
So, when Tommy keeps designing his own underground room awfully, using all the expensive blocks he ever could, Technoblade stares.
“What? Man, this is my room and my base, and you should be thankful that I use my own blocks this time—“
Tommy doesn’t finish the sentence, when Technoblade suddenly replies: “Shiny.”
Tommy stared at him with disbelief.
“What the fuck?! I knew you were, like, partly a fucking pig— But— But REALLY?”
“If you tell anyone it will be your last life, Tommy.”
They keep a secret, but now Tommy realizes that even in his “peaceful” outfit Techno has jade earrings.
This man literally was his brother and he didn’t realize it all this time.
What the fuck.
(...family?
Technoblade hated his own mind for the stupid things it pulled off from time to time. Why does it always think that Family and Fault sounded alike? The only thing that is the same for both words is ‘Fa’. They don’t sound similar at all.
Plus, why of all words it has to be family? He doesn’t have family — his parents are dead, and he doesn’t have any siblings.
He is good on his own.
Right?
He surely can forget this word — family. After all, the voices in his head don’t know that annoying word, so he may not know it too, right? He could also forget Tommy and Wilbur and his life certainly would be easier.
He could easily remove that ugly tower made out of cobblestone, and he would easily throw the blue out of the window.
If he forgot Phil it also would be safer, no?
If he didn’t know Phil the butcher team would never find his base.
…
He wants to think it would be better if he didn’t know them.
He doesn’t want to think that at some point voices can drive him so mad that he kills one of them.
He doesn’t want to worry.
To mourn.
To feel.)
--