Thorn of an Indigo Rose

by Illumiswh0re

Summary:

After a long relationship with Shinsou, you learn how to cope with the betrayal and learn how to love again

Being a student at UA has been ... interesting to say the least. Class 1-A is filled with some wild people and I have to admit, it's made life a lot less boring. Not to mention, I'm in a relationship with Shinsou Hitoshi. Isn't that crazy? I never thought I'd be dating anyone, much less with someone like Shinsou. We've been together since before the Sports Festival. I first met him when I accidentally bumped into him when I was rushing to get to class. Luckily he caught me so I didn't embarrass myself too much, but ever since that moment, I couldn't get him out of my head. He didn't seem the least bit interested in me ... he didn't remember my name but I'm stubborn and didn't give up until he agreed to get coffee with me at a cat cafe. Fast forward to the present and we're as happy as can be.

There's no one that knows me better than Shinsou. Hell, he knows me better than I know myself and that's scary. I like to think that I know him just as well, but sometimes I can't tell. He's not as expressive as I am so it's hard to tell what goes on that gorgeous head of his.

Anyways, since we had the day off from school today, I invited Shinsou to my dorm so we could spend some time together. We hardly see each other during the day since we're in separate classes and even though he sometimes comes over at night, we're too tired to do much of anything besides sleep.

Excited to spend time with him, I got a bit restless and started to tidy up my desk. It's not cluttered or anything, but I had notebooks and loose papers were strewn about. I neatly organized the papers and placed them in a drawer beside my desk along with the notebooks. There, that looks so much better. I smiled as I looked at my organized desk and waited for a knock at my door.

Luckily, I didn't have to wait too long since about five minutes later he appeared at my door.

"Hey, Toshi!" I grinned as soon as I saw him and quickly invited him in.

"Hi, Kitty," he replied as he kissed my forehead sweetly. I blushed at the gentle gesture and giggled.

"You doing okay?" I asked as he plopped down on my bed and let out a yawn.

He nodded, "Yeah, I didn't sleep so well last night."

I sat down on the edge of my bed and combed my fingers through his hair as he sank down further in the mattress. His hair's a stunning indigo color ... depending on how the sun hits it, it either looks more blue or purple. It really is pretty ... I can't help but be jealous sometimes. Shinsou closed his eyes as I stroked his hair and he visibly relaxed. I know that he has trouble sleeping, but he's vague about why. I don't know if it's nightmares or stress, but it worries me when he doesn't get enough sleep. He doesn't talk about it either. I don't know why though ... if he's having nightmares he could tell me about it and work through them. Could he be embarrassed about nightmares? I don't know why he would be ashamed of them since everybody has nightmares. If something's upsetting him enough that it's affecting his sleep I think it's worth talking about. But I guess he doesn't feel the same way. I mean, he's not very vocal about his anxieties so I guess that's just part of who he is.

The dark circles under his eyes stand out on his pale, porcelain-like skin and I couldn't help but softly slide my thumb across them. If only I could help him sleep better ...

"You wanna take a nap?" I suggested softly.

"Are you sure? All we do is sleep," He complained a little but made no effort to sit up.

"I'm sure, you can't even keep your eyes open," I rolled my eyes as I lightly shoved his body over so there was room for me on the bed.

"Thanks ... I'm sorry, Kitty," he wrapped me up in his arms and I shook my head as I kissed him.

"Don't be, now get some rest okay? I'll set an alarm for two hours. Does that sound good?" I whispered as I set the alarm.

"Yeah, that's perfect," Shinsou pulled the covers over us and pulled me closer.

"Good night, Toshi," I lifted my head to kiss him and he smiled against my lips.

"Night, Kitty ... I love you."

"I love you more," I felt my cheeks burn and I snuggled closer to him as I fell asleep to the sound of his beating heart.

Two hours later, we woke up to the blaring sound of the alarm. I groaned as I turned off the alarm and rubbed my eyes to wake up. Shinsou stretched beside me and I smiled as I sat up.

"Did you sleep well?" I asked softly.

He nodded, "I did ... thanks for letting me nap," Shinsou ran a hand through his hair as he yawned.

"Of course!" Honestly, it's not like we had anything planned for the day anyway, so taking a nap wouldn't have affected what we did.

"You're soft ... did you know that?" he chuckled as he poked my cheek and I smirked in response.

"Weirdo," I turned my head to playfully bite his hand but he acted quick and pulled his hand back before I chomped down, "Damn ... I was so close."

"Gotta be quicker than that, Kitty," Shinsou winked at me and we shared a laugh. After that, we spent most of the day relaxing and watching a few of our favorite movies.

The next day, I had plans with Kaminari to help him study for a quiz. He's so bad at school I often question how he was able to get into UA. Like I know his quirk is really powerful and flashy but there was an entire written portion ... with the grades that he has, how in the fuck was he able to pass?!

I grabbed my study materials from my room and walked to his where he was lounging on his bed playing on his phone.

"Alright, ready to study?" I took his phone away and he pouted as soon as the phone left his grasp.

"Wha-! I almost beat that level!" He complained as he looked at me with defeat in his eyes.

I laughed, "You'll get this back when you can answer all of these questions correctly," I waved a study guide in his face and he groaned.

"That'll take a million years!" Kaminari dragged himself off the bed and sat on the floor beside me.

"Oh shush, I'll help you," I playfully tousled his hair as he got his supplies from his desk. When he was ready, we got to work. The quiz was on math and that was the subject he had the most trouble with. He has a hard time focusing and learning to apply the theories and concepts to examples so I tried explaining the simplest way I knew how. I even rewrote the notes to make it easier to understand.

"Wait, where did that number come from?" Kaminari asked in utter confusion. He groaned and leaned back resting his head on his bed.

"From here," I brought his attention back to me and retraced my steps. Tutoring Kaminari takes a lot of patience and understanding. He's a special boy that needs lots of attention.

"Ugh, can I take a break? We've been studying forever!" Kaminari complained and I rolled my eyes.

"We've been studying for 20 minutes! We're almost done with this question. Once you solve it, we can take a small breath," I suggested and he nodded.

"Fine," He reluctantly went back to work and as promised, when he finished the problem, we took a break.

"Soooo someone's been in a really good mood recently," Kaminari smirked as he peered at my face and I blushed.

"Don't tease me!" I poked his cheek and he chuckled as he leaned in closer to me.

"Come one, I gotta! You look like you're floating every day!" he continued to tease me and I covered my face with my hands.

"I can't help it! I really love him," my voice was muffled since my hands were covering my mouth.

"Ack! You're so cute!" Kaminari shook my shoulders playfully and I uncovered my face to put my hands on his arms.

"As your bestest friend, I have to say this. If he ever hurts you, I'll electrocute him!" Kaminari warned and I laughed as I nodded. Although his threat didn't feel too threatening because of his goofy smile. Still, it's so sweet the way he cares about me.

"He won't! Shinsou's a really good guy," I smiled sweetly and he nodded.

"Still though! Just saying. Gotta protect my bestie!" Kaminari looked proud of himself and I rolled my eyes.

"Come on bestie, let's get back to studying. If you fail this quiz, I'm gonna take your switch and hide it until you get your grades up," I threatened him and he got nervous.

"What?! You can't do that!"

"I will if you fail this quiz, so get back to work," I smirked as we got back to business. Although he complained every second he could, he took detailed notes and managed to work out a few problems correctly by himself. Turns out, if you threaten him with taking away his video games, he gets serious. I swear he can act like such a child sometimes but that's what makes him so adorable to me. He's a pretty simple guy and really easy to get along with. To be honest, I think he was the first friend I made here and we've been close ever since.

"It took a few hours but you did it. Here's your phone back," I returned his phone and he looked so proud of himself.

"Thanks, Firefly! This stuff makes sense now," he gave my head a few pats as he put his notebook and papers away.

"Good! Just for good measure, review all the notes before the quiz," I suggested as I gathered all of my stuff.

"Wait, you're leaving so soon?!" Kaminari complained as I stood up.

"Yeah, it's late and I have to shower," I checked my phone and he groaned.

"Come on, stay for one round of video games!" he waved two controllers and I sighed. I honestly can't say no to him.

"Fine! Only one round and then I have to go," I gave in and sat next to him as he happily set the game up. However, the one-round turned into five and before I knew it, it was past midnight.

"Now I really have to go," I handed him the controller and he pouted.

"Come on, we're tied!! You can't go yet!" Kaminari grabbed my arm and pulled me back down to the floor when I tried to get up.

"Kami, it's past midnight!! We need to get some sleep. Especially you! I can't have you falling asleep in class and then you begging me for the notes later," I laughed and he let me go.

"Fine. You're no fun," he turned the game off and I rolled my eyes. Sometimes he can act like such a child, but that's one of his most endearing qualities. He has a sort of innocence that I feel like I should protect.

"Yeah, yeah. Now go to sleep!" I gave his head a few pats before I left his room.

A few days have passed since I tutored Kaminari and I was pleased to find out he passed. Just barely though ... but he still passed. I'll still count that as a victory. However, as I was walking to the dorms, I received a text from an unknown number. Curious, I opened it and noticed it was a picture. When I saw it, my entire body froze. On my screen was a picture of Denki, kissing Shinsou. They were still in their school uniforms so it had to have been taken recently ... but I don't know if it's real. I mean it looks real but it can easily have been photoshopped. I couldn't help but notice how happy Shinsou looked in the picture. Not to mention that Denki had his arms wrapped around him like they were the happiest couple in the world.

The more I looked at it, the more questions emerged. Who took this picture? Why was this even taken? Who sent this to me and how did they get my phone number? Is this picture even real? I mean, I don't even think they hang out ... do they? I'm usually always with Shinsou ... and Denki is usually chasing Bakugou around like a lost puppy when he's not begging me to play video games with him. But ... what if they have been spending time with each other? If that were the case, why hasn't either of them said anything? It's not suspicious for my best friend to want to get to know my boyfriend, is it?

"Y/N! You okay, there? You've been standing here for a while," Kirishima's voice startled me and I jumped, almost dropping my phone. I quickly locked the screen before he saw the picture and put the phone in my pocket.

"O-oh yeah! I'm fine," I assured him and we walked to our dorm. By being around Kaminari a lot, I've also been hanging out with Kirishima and his group of friends. He's a really nice guy but is always causing some sort of trouble with Denki.

"You sure?" Kirishima peered into my face and I smiled. His ruby eyes were clear and a little bit intimidating. I was afraid he'd see right through me.

"Yeah, I've just been a little stressed recently," I told a small lie but it seemed to satisfy him and no more questions were asked. That's a relief, I was nervous he'd try to pry the truth out of me. I guess he's good at social cues and figured this wasn't something I wanted to talk about out loud just yet. We walked to the dorms in silence but I notice he'd glance at me every now and then which made me a little anxious.

When we walked in, I practically ran to my room and the second I arrived, I locked the door and sat down at my desk. I stared at that picture trying to make sense of it but I couldn't. I trust Shinsou ... and I also trust Denki. They wouldn't do this to me. I should just forget about it. Whoever sent it is probably just trying to get a rise out of me and ruin my relationship. Shinsou loves me and I love him. Denki also cares about me. He's my best friend, he would never betray me like this.

I sighed and threw my phone on my desk as I changed out of uniform and into casual clothes. I can't get my mind off that picture though ... doubt is starting to grow in my mind and once it settles I'll be questioning everything. I mean I already am starting to question everything.

Damnit, should I just bring it up? Should I ask him about it? But if I do that, what if he gets angry at me and storms off? What if he thinks I'm jealous and annoying? I don't know how he'd react so maybe I shouldn't mention it. What if I just forget I even saw it? Should I delete it?

A million questions and thoughts ran around in my brain and to calm the voices, I put on my headphones. I started to blast my music and I sat on my bed with the blanket over my body. I focused on the music instead of my thoughts and they started to go away. Rather I was ignoring them and choosing not to listen. Holding my knees to my chest, I made myself small. I closed my eyes and found a happy place where the intrusive thoughts won't reach.

I don't know how much time had passed but I was taken out of my happy place when the blanket was pulled off my body. Startled, I looked up and saw Shinsou looking at me with some concern in his eyes.

"Hey, Kitty ... are you okay?" he sat in front of me as he pulled my headphones off.

"Um, yeah, I'm fine," I smiled but he knew it was fake. Without wasting any time, he picked me up and sat me down on his lap, holding me close.

"What's wrong?" his deep voice was gentle in my ear and I suddenly didn't feel so insecure.

I shrugged, "I'm just a little stressed ..." I chose not to bring it up and he continued to comfort me.

"Want to talk about it?" Shinsou suggested as he kissed my head.

"Do you love me?" I asked quietly. Shinsou tensed up for a brief moment before chuckling.

"What kind of question is that? Of course, I love you. You're my one and only Kitty," he reassured me as he pulled me away to kiss me lovingly. I felt a little better when he said that, but that little seed of doubt that was in the back of my head was growing.

"Are you sure? Am I really good enough for you?" I couldn't help but ask for some sort of validation to ease my nerves and that's when he started to feel suspicious.

"Kitty, what's this about?" his lavender eyes peered into mine and tried to find the source of my insecurities but came up empty. I looked away and shrugged at his question.

"I don't know ... it's just sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough for you," I pouted and I brought back into his embrace.

"You're more than good enough for me. You're perfect," Shinsou started to stroke my hair and I took what he said to heart. He loves me ... he really loves me and that picture is fake. It has to be. Still though ... I'll wait for him to say anything if there is something going on.

"Okay ... I love you, Toshi," I wrapped my arms around him and he held me tighter. I need to get out of my head; clearly, everything is fine.

It's been exactly one week since that picture was sent to me. Neither Shinsou nor Denki said anything about it. However, I started paying more attention. I started noticing little things like the way Denki's pupils dilated when I mentioned Shinsou's name or when I talked about Denki, Shinsou's expression softened. Their demeanor would change in a way it never did when I mentioned the other and I don't even think they're aware. What is going on with them ... and why won't they tell me? Do they ... like each other? If they do, why are they putting so much effort into hiding it and pretending that there's nothing going on? Do they think I won't notice?

Every day that passes, I get more anxious and more insecure. That little seed of doubt has sprouted into an entire root system in my mind and there's no killing it now. Not when I've been compiling 'evidence' to prove that the picture was real. Just yesterday, Shinsou and I were in the common area eating dinner when I caught him staring at Denki who was sitting on the couch with Jirou. He looked at Denki with such care ... as if he was the only thing that existed at that moment. That's how Shinsou looks at me ... well used to look at me. I've noticed that he doesn't look at me the same way he used to. That's the part that hurts the most. I can see him falling out of love with me and I don't know what to do. I can feel my world about to crash and when it does ... I don't know what I'll do. The second their secret is revealed I not only lose my love, but I lose my best friend too. I'll be left alone and that's scary.

I wish he would just tell me. The suspense of knowing but also not knowing is driving me absolutely mad. I need him to be honest with me so we could work something out. If this is some sort of weird love triangle, there has to be a solution somewhere. But I won't be able to suggest anything if they don't talk to me. Fuck it, if it'll make everyone happy we can all be together. That's a way better idea than them leaving me behind, right? But if that were to work, there would have to be a level of trust established, and right now, there isn't much of that.

I'm not even mad at this point... I'm hurt, I'm suffering watching him slip away and I'm too much of a coward to say anything. And Denki ... Denki hasn't said a single word either. I've started to distance myself from Denki since I can't look at him without getting angry and upset. I'm not angry at Shinsou, yet, but I'm pissed at Denki. I've told him everything about my relationship with Shinsou. I've bragged about what an amazing boyfriend he is and how much I love him. How could he sit there and revel in my happiness but then turn around and kiss him?

None of this makes any sense and I don't know what to do. Do they notice that I'm in pain? Do they even care about me anymore? I can't even tell if Shinsou cares about me since he's too busy staring at Denki when he gets the chance. He'll still happily fall asleep with me in his arms and kisses me like there's nothing going on. Maybe I should just break up with him before something else happens. I can't handle the not knowing, not like I can handle knowing either.

The next day I decided to confront him about the picture. I was going to do it in person, but I didn't want him to see me cry so I texted him. I asked him about it and he didn't deny it. He only asked me where that picture came from. In the end, all he had to say was that he was sorry.

I was in my room sitting in the far corner just thinking about what to do from here. Was I not good enough for him? Not pretty/attractive enough? Maybe he was getting bored of me. I mean I'm not the strongest, definitely not the smartest person around and I guess he got tired of me. Was everything just a lie? The 'I love you's, the kisses, the time we spent together ... was it all just a facade? Did I mean nothing to him in the end?

Tears poured from my eyes and I couldn't stop them. My chest tightened as I tried to hold back my sobs but the effort was for naught when they just got louder. The entire time I had the doubt, I was convincing myself it wasn't real but now ... now I know it's true and I'm at a loss of what to do.

I stopped crying to text Shinsou back. All I said was that I was sorry. Sorry I wasn't good enough for him. It was all I could say. I'm not going to yell at him or curse at him. There's no point in saying something I'd regret in the future. Besides, I'm not the type of person to explode in someone's face. I'm not Bakugou and I definitely don't have his temper. When I get angry ... the anger turns into tears and I turn into a sobbing mess.

I checked my phone and saw that Shinsou wanted to come over and talk in person but that was the last thing I needed. I can't see him right now, I can't talk to him right now. I threw my phone onto my bed and grabbed my headphones which were on the floor almost under my bed. I turned up the music and sobbed as I tried to find my happy place.

The next day I didn't bother going to class. I didn't sleep at all last night and I was emotionally exhausted. Staying up all night, crying into my pillow felt more exhausting than three hours of combat training. Besides, I looked like horse shit. My eyes were red and puffy, irritated around the outer corners from constantly rubbing them to brush the tears away and my skin was so dry from the tears. An unbearable wave of loneliness crashed down on me like a 40-ton truck and I couldn't move.

I spent the day in bed, curled up in a ball covered in layers of soft blankets. I got up a few times to drink water and go to the bathroom but I didn't leave my room. I couldn't, I didn't want to see anyone or talk to anyone. I wouldn't be surprised if some people heard me cry and knowing them, they'd want to know why. If someone were to ask me what's wrong or if I'm okay, I'd break all over again. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that Shinsou cheated on me. It would've hurt a little less if it was with someone random but he cheated on me with my best friend. The two people who I thought were on my side and would never hurt me. Instead, they broke me.

Rolling over in bed, I checked my phone and saw a bunch of missed calls and messages from my friends. Kirishima and Midoriya texted me a few times asking me why I wasn't in class and if I was feeling okay. Uraraka and Ashido were concerned because they heard me crying last night. There were even a few missed calls from Denki and Shinsou. I opened the messages but didn't respond. I didn't have the energy to have a conversation with someone.

Maybe I should take a shower ... I'm sure the hot water would make me feel better. Slowly, I got myself out of bed and dragged myself to the bathroom. Turning on the water, I turned my head and saw myself in the mirror. Wow ... I don't look like myself. All the color in my skin vanished and I took on a sickly shade. Probably due to the lack of sleep, food, and sunlight. I sighed as I took off my clothes and got in the shower. I stood under the hot water, letting it pour on my back. After a few minutes, I started to wash my hair and I felt a little better when I was all clean. It still took a lot of effort though so I ended up more exhausted than I started out.

I forced myself out of the shower and dried myself off before putting on sweatpants and a comfortable sweater. Without bothering to dry my hair, I left the bathroom and sat at my desk. I stared at the framed pictures that I had of Shinsou and me. I even had some photos of Denki and me on my desk.

Where did I go wrong? What did I do to deserve this? Did I hurt them in some way that they turned to each other? Is this my punishment for a sin I committed? Could this have been my fault? I know I'm not perfect ... I have so many insecurities and I have a lot of anxiety but I didn't think it was that much of a problem. I mean Shinsou didn't make it out to seem like my troubles were too much for him. If anything he was supportive of me and tried to make things better. What if that was just an act and he was annoyed with me the entire time?

I grabbed a picture of Shinsou and me. It was of us at the park, smiling at each other with blushing cheeks. He was looking at me like I was the only person in the world. My heart ached and I couldn't believe it's all over now.

"Damnit Toshi ..." I muttered under my breath. My voice was raw and hoarse from the crying and I put the picture back on my desk. I really should hide them but I don't have the heart to do that right now. I'm not ready to throw all the memories away yet. I still can't believe I was cheated on. Even though the bigger questions were answered, I still have so many left unanswered. Right now I don't want to ask any questions. After all, I'm still processing the answer to the question I asked yesterday.

After a full day of wallowing in my misery and grief, I crawled into bed and this time I managed to sleep a few hours. I still cried myself to sleep but halfway through the night, exhaustion overcame me and I passed out. I woke up to my blaring alarm but I dismissed it and went back to sleep. I wasn't in the right mental state to go to class today even though I was a little better than yesterday.

I felt better since I got some sleep but I was still tired. I haven't left my room since the day before yesterday and at this point, everyone's starting to worry about me. When school let out for the day, there were knocks on my door.

"Hey, you okay in there?" I think that was Kirishima's muffled voice coming from the other side of the door. From what I could tell, his voice was full of concern.

"You haven't left your room in a while ... what's going on?" That sounded a lot like Midoriya. They sounded so worried about me but I couldn't answer. Well, more like I didn't want to answer. I know that isolating myself is self-destructive but I don't want anyone to see me like this. I'm broken. A shell of my former self and I can't have everyone worrying about me.

"Come on, let us in so we can help ..." Kirishima knocked again but I didn't budge.

"Kiri we should come back later ...." Midoriya spoke up and after a few moments, I heard them walk away. I felt relieved when they walked away but I also felt bad. I know they're trying to help and be there for me but I can't. I can't right now.

Later that day, Denki texted me asking me we could talk. I stared at the message for a while before texting back that there was nothing to talk about. I didn't want to hear his excuses, I didn't want to hear his explanation. There's nothing he could say that would make this situation any better or fix it in any way. I didn't have the energy to argue with him or have any meaningful conversation so in the end I just told him to make Shinsou happy. It's all I could say. I obviously couldn't make him happy and there's nothing I can do about it now.

How am I supposed to get over this and move on when not only do we go to the same school, but Denki and I live in the same dorm building and are in the same class? I see him every single day ... a constant reminder of what I had and what I lost. What do I do when I see them together? Or when I just see them around? Do I just run away and ignore them for the rest of my life? I can't live like that. I can't continue this self-destructive behavior of isolating myself and blaming myself but I don't know what else to do. Before I had Denki and Shinsou to rely on but now I'm all alone. It's just me now and I feel so lost and empty. I'm not close to anyone else to be comfortable going to them for help. Yes, I'm friends with Kirishima, Midoriya, Sero, and all of them but we're not close enough to go crying to them about my problems. I don't want to burden them with this.

I sat on my bed in the quiet room and tried to think about anything else but failed miserably. My world crashed right on top of me and I'm trying to get out of the rubble but I'm trapped. I'm surrounded by darkness and there's no light in sight. Who can I trust now? Who am I supposed to rely on? Denki was my person. My number one, partner in crime, the one person I knew I could always count on no matter what. He's been there for me since the first day of classes and now it's like I don't even know him anymore. How could he? How dare he hurt me like this when the other day he said he'd electrocute Shinsou if he hurt me? That was almost two weeks ago, was he going behind my back then?

"Hey, open up! Please, can we talk?" Suddenly, I heard Denki's voice from the other side of my door. My heart almost stopped and my stomach flipped. I didn't expect to hear his voice yet and it caught me off guard.

"Kitty, we need to talk this out ..." Shinsou called out softly. Shinsou's with him too?!

"Come on, let us in ... please," Denki sounded desperate as he pleaded for me to open the door. What's he gonna do, beg for forgiveness? Repeat himself and say that it was a misunderstanding and a mistake? No ... he doesn't get to talk to me. I don't want them to see what they've done to me. I don't want them to see me so broken.

I grabbed my phone and texted them both in a group chat telling them to go away. I didn't want to talk to them and I don't owe them a conversation. I had nothing to say to them and even if I did let them in, I know I wouldn't be able to say anything. I'd instantly burst into tears and I know that Denki would too. He doesn't deserve to be upset and cry over what he did. How dare he act like a victim when he was the one who broke me.

In the end, I refused to open the door, and after a while of them knocking and begging for me to let them in, they gave up and walked away.

Whenever I try to go to bed, I've been overcome with a wave of grief and I always end up crying. My bed feels a lot bigger without Shinsou in it and I miss having his arms around me. He didn't sleepover every night, but enough where I felt lonely without him. Shinsou would hold me tightly against his chest and he'd stroke my hair, combing his fingers soothingly through my locks lulling me into a peaceful sleep. I miss that ... I miss him. I miss him so much and I hate that I do. I hate that I think about him every day and I despise that I still have a love for him.

I need to get more than three hours of sleep ... especially since I have to go to class tomorrow. I can't skip forever and I'm already behind. However, I couldn't sleep. It's already two in the morning and I'm having a hard time getting comfortable enough to sleep. Ugh, this sucks. Of course, when I need to sleep, I can't. Do I say fuck it and watch a few movies until it's time to get ready for school? I already know I'm going to be exhausted, I mean more than I have been lately.

I sighed and sat up in bed and turned on the TV. I picked a few comedies to try to cheer me up or at least get me to feel anything. There's no point in forcing myself to sleep when I know it's not happening. I'll deal with the consequences of that tomorrow, but for now, I should try to laugh or at least smile.

A few movies later and I was able to smile a few times throughout. I was successfully distracted and when I noticed the sun was starting to rise, I decided to take a shower. I took my time getting ready and tried to look like a functioning person in society and not a depressed mess. I styled my hair, moisturized my face, and tried to look like myself. My eyes look ... lifeless. In the mirror, they look dull and faded, and when I smile ... there's no light in them like there used to be.

I sighed and left the bathroom to gather my books and school supplies. It was still early so I had time to go into the common room and make coffee before anyone else shows up. It felt a little weird walking the halls since I hadn't left my room in a few days but I dismissed those feelings and just tried to get on with my day.

The common area was still a bit dark but as the sun continued to rise, a gentle, orange light brightened up the room. I was able to make a strong cup of coffee and I enjoyed every sip. It warmed me up and I added some caramel to sweeten it up just a little bit. I'm hoping this will give me the necessary energy to get through the day and when the school day ends, I can pass out when I get back.

Soon, the common room was bright and my cup was empty. I sighed as I washed the cup and placed it in the dishwasher. When I turned around to grab the bag that I left on the green couch, I saw Midoriya entering the dorm building. He was sweaty and in workout clothes ... I guess he was out training? I definitely wouldn't pass it by him to do that, his determination is wild. However, I can't hide now. I'm the only one in the common room and there's nowhere for me to go.

"Oh, hey!" Midoriya was shocked to see me outside my room and his surprise quickly shifted into worry.

"...hey," I greeted him with a quiet voice and he walked to the fridge to get a cold bottle of water.

"I'm glad to see you," he smiled at me and I nodded. I didn't know how to respond to that so I chose not to.

"Are you feeling better?" Midoriya was careful with his words and I shrugged.

"Not really ..." I decided to be a little honest and he offered a sad smile.

"I'm sorry ... you can rely on us you know?"

I nodded, "Yeah ... I know," I turned away from him so he wouldn't see my teary eyes and I walked over to the couch to pick up my bag, "I'm gonna go for a walk .... I'll see you later," I waved at him before I left the dorm building and I was met with a chilly morning. It felt nice though ... the brisk, morning air seemed to fill me with some energy and I was wide awake.

It was a little too early to head to class, so I just walked around aimlessly until it was time to walk over. But I got bored just walking around so about ten minutes later, I walked into the main building and walked over to class 1-A. Of course, I was the first one there, but not for long because the reliable class rep, Iida showed up a few minutes after I did. Welp, there goes my peaceful and quiet morning.

"Y/N! You have returned to class! I take it you are feeling better?" Iida's loud voice echoed in the empty classroom and I let out a sigh.

"Yeah ... a little better," I replied with a shrug to get him off my back.

"That is good to hear. I have taken the liberty of copying the notes you missed!" After rummaging through his bag, he pulled out a folder and handed it to me. Inside were pages of neatly written notes and assignments that I missed. Huh, that's actually very nice of him to do. Now it won't take me forever to catch up. He really is reliable where it counts.

"Thanks, Iida, this means a lot," I smiled at him and he brushed off my thanks.

"If you require any more assistance, do not hesitate to approach me!" With that, he went to his seat and started getting ready for class. I took this time to read over the notes and look at the assignments I have to make up. So far they don't look too difficult, but I know it's going to take a lot of time to finish. I might not have time for that nap ... I'll probably start working on these during lunch so I could get a headstart. This is still a lot though ... maybe I shouldn't have skipped two days of classes. I started to feel regret but then I took into consideration my mental state and came to the conclusion that it was for the best that I didn't go to school.

"You're back!" Kirishima's loud voice interrupted my train of thought and I was jolted back to the present. However, he wasn't alone. Kaminari was right on his tail and the second my eyes met his honey tinted eyes, I felt nauseous. Kirishima rushed over to my desk while Kaminari stood frozen on the spot like a deer in the headlights.

"What's going on?! Are you okay?" Kirishima peered into my eyes and put his hands on my shoulders to get a closer look. I'm honestly surprised they don't know. Did he not ask Kaminari about what happened?

"Why don't you ask him?" I gestured over to Kaminari who looked a bit frightened that I brought him into the conversation. At this point, the other students were beginning to pour in and they had the same reaction as Kirishima.

"What's going on Kaminari?" Kirishima looked at both of us and looked completely lost.

"I- ... uh ..." Kaminari stammered and couldn't get a word out. I glanced at Kaminari and saw his guilt-stricken expression. He didn't know how to say it and I know the second he does, he'll be ostracized. That didn't sit right with me. Now I'm feeling guilty. Kaminari reminds me of a golden retriever who ripped up the couch cushion and is cowering in the corner in guilt.

I sighed, "We had a fight. It's no big deal," I downplayed what he did and I looked out the window to avoid their stares.

"Just a fight? Must have been some fight for you to bawl your eyes out for three days straight," Kirishima was obviously suspicious and I shrugged.

"I'm just dramatic, I guess," I didn't want Kaminari to get hated on and I especially didn't want to air out his dirty laundry in front of the whole class.

"...If you say so ... we'll talk later okay?" Kirishima didn't buy what I said but he took the hint to drop the subject. Kaminari will have to come clean eventually but he'll do so on his terms. I might be beyond pissed at him but no one deserves to get hated on or humiliated in front of 20 kids. That's just not fair. I know that the truth will come out eventually ... I mean we're a tight class and there aren't many secrets between us and especially when something big happens, there's no keeping that on the down-low for very long.

The day barely just started and I could already feel that it's going to be excruciating. I could feel Kaminari staring at me from across the room and even though I tried so hard not to let it get to me, I couldn't help but squirm under his gaze. When I met his eyes, he quickly looked away. I wish he'd stop staring at me ... it's making me incredibly uneasy and I'm not the only one who can feel this tension. Kirishima, Midoriya, and even Bakugou have been looking at both of us throughout the class. I'm just trying to pretend that nothing is going on so that I could get through the day. I need to find a new normal, a new routine so I can cope and move on. I know I'm going to have to talk it out with him but I can't yet.

I could barely focus during classes. With Kaminari's staring, the tension in the air, and my thoughts wandering, the day went by with me staring out the window the entire time. Not a single word was written down in my notebook and to be honest, I don't even know what we went over in class. Not even Present Mic was able to get my attention away from the window and he's kind of obnoxious.

"Y/N?" a hand on my shoulder got me to look away from the window and beside me stood a very concerned Midoriya. His emerald green, puppy dog eyes were boring into mine trying to figure out what's wrong with me.

"Oh ... hey," I responded a bit flatly.

"Want to come eat with us?" He asked with a small smile.

I shook my head, "No thanks ... I'm not hungry," with a shrug I turned my head toward the window but he didn't budge. Instead, he pushed the neighboring desk right up against mine and sat down. Oh fuck, I don't have the patience for his goody, goody nature. I know he means well and he's so caring, but right now it's coming off more annoying than helpful.

Midoriya sat right beside me and I could tell he was thinking of what to say. He has a tendency to overthink too much and I know he doesn't want to say the wrong thing and upset me even more than I already am.

"Don't ... don't say it," I spoke up and he looked a bit startled. I knew he was going to say something like, 'please talk to me' or 'don't shut down'.

"Wha-"

"It wasn't just a fight ..." I whispered and took out my phone to let him read the text messages shared between Kaminari and me. That was way easier than saying what he did out loud. If I say it out loud it becomes real and I don't want it to be real. Besides, I just know I'd start sobbing if I even try to say that Shinsou cheated on me and once the waterworks start, they'll never stop.

"Oh no ... when did this happen?!" Midoriya was in complete disbelief and I let out a shaky breath.

"I don't know when it started ... but I've known for a week before I brought it up," my voice cracked and bit the inside of my cheek to avoid crying at school. Midoriya put my phone back on my desk and put a gentle hand on my back. No no no ... please don't comfort me, I'm too fragile and any sort of kindness would break the dam. I felt my lip start to quiver and I covered my mouth with my hand to hide it.

"You can't handle this by yourself," he said seriously. I glanced at him and saw that he was glaring at me. I know that he wasn't mad at me, he was mad at how I chose to go about this.

"I didn't know what else to do ..." I mumbled as I removed my hand from my mouth.

"You could have talked to us. Do you not trust us or something?" Midoriya's eyes shifted from angry to upset and his wide eyes started to waver.

"It's not that ..." I shook my head and he let out a sigh.

"You know we're here for you ... when you're ready to talk about it, come over. I don't care what time," his expression softened and when he smiled, I felt a little lighter. I took a deep breath and I nodded.

"Thank you ... I mean it," I smiled slightly and when he saw that I was doing slightly better, he relaxed a bit and took out a boxed lunch. I turned away from him and took out the folder that Iida gave me from my bag. Maybe Midoriya can help me out with some of these assignments. When I looked at him, I noted that he split his lunch in two.

"Hm?" I tilted my head to the side and he smiled as he slid a plate of food over to

my desk.

"You need to eat," he started to eat and I was stunned for a moment. I slowly put the folder down and to ease him, I started to eat. To be honest, I think he's one of the nicest people in the class. He treats everyone as equals which is rare nowadays.

We didn't talk as we ate but I saw him glance at me every now and then to make sure I was actually eating and not just moving the food around.

"Better?" Midoriya asked with a smile as he finished his half.

I shrugged, "A little bit," I ate the last bite of food, and to be honest, I felt a little more energized.

"Good. You'll get through this," He smiled sweetly at me and I nodded even though I didn't quite believe him. I know eventually, I'll have to get over it, but I don't know where to start.

The school day finally ended and I raced through the halls to get to my room. I did more talking than I thought I'd do today and I'm fatigued both mentally and physically. As much as I wanted to pass out, I had school work to do. Thanks to Iida, I wasn't going to struggle so much, but I wish he gave me some motivation with the notes.

Back in my room, I changed right away and got comfortable as I sat down on my desk and forced myself to get to work. I started with the assignments due tomorrow so I wouldn't get even further behind. Luckily there were only two small assignments due tomorrow so they didn't take me that long.

I let out a sigh and I leaned back in the chair and tried to find the will to continue doing work. It also doesn't help that my desk and walls are littered with reminders of what I lost. I tried not to look at them but when my eyes wandered, I couldn't help but stare at the pictures. I should really take those down ...

I twirled the pen in between my fingers as I stared at an empty page in my notebook. There were no thoughts in my head, I was just zoning out. It wasn't until I heard a few knocks on my door, that I refocused.

I didn't move from my desk just in case I imagined the knocks but when I heard them again, I waited until someone spoke up before I moved.

"Hey, open up. Talk to me, please?" Kirishima's voice was gentle and I hesitated before I got up and let him in. I'm not surprised Kirishima was at the door. I was expecting either him or Midoriya to stop by sometime today, so I was prepared to have company. The second I opened the door, his eyes widened a little in shock but then he smiled in relief before walking in and making himself at home. Kirishima sat down on my bed and beckoned me to sit beside him.

I hesitated a moment before sitting beside him and I pulled my right knee to my chest, resting my cheek on it as I looked at Kirishima. His expression was shifting between sadness and anger as he thought of the right words to say. Judging by his reaction, I can assume he knows about what happened.

"Did he tell you?" I spoke up and he nodded.

"Yeah ... he did," he glared at the floor and I noticed that his hands were balled up into fists. He's pretty pissed ... that's a little surprising. I didn't expect him to react this way, upset sure but not pissed.

"That fucking asshole! How could he?!" Kirishima yelled and stood up as he paced across the floor, "The audacity of Kaminari to steal your boyfriend!"

"He didn't steal him ..." I spoke up quietly, "I just wasn't enough. I went wrong somewhere and didn't realize it," my vision blurred and the tears fell onto my leg.

"Don't do that ... this wasn't your fault," he stopped pacing when he noticed I was crying and quickly rushed over to my side.

I shook my head, "But it is. Why else would Shinsou leave me? I wasn't a good enough partner for him and didn't leave him a choice ..." my voice was raw as I talked while I cried.

"Kaminari did this! You did nothing wrong!" Kirishima draped an arm over my shoulders as he pulled me to his chest and I continued to sob. I heard what he said but I didn't process it. I must have done something ... this has to be some karma, but what did I do to deserve this? Why would Kaminari get with Shinsou while knowing how much I love him? Has he always liked him and I just didn't realize? How long have they been going behind my back? I'm asking myself all of these questions over and over again but I'm afraid of the answers.

"Did I do something to Denki? Did he do this as some sort of revenge?"

"What? Of course not! Listen to me, stop blaming yourself," he continued to console me as I sobbed. I hate crying in front of people, but I can't help it this time. I wish I was stronger. At this point, I wish I couldn't feel.

After a few minutes of silence, Kirishima pulled away from me and stood up. He walked over to my desk and started taking down all the pictures I had of Shinsou and Kaminari.

"These are getting burned," his voice was a bit flat as he pulled the picture off the frames and all I could do was watch. To be honest, I felt a sort of relief when the pictures came off my wall. When he finished removing the pictures, he stacked them up and placed them on my desk face down.

"Let me see your phone," he returned to my side and I handed him my phone.

"Here."

"Shinsou's still your lock screen? And Kaminari is still your background?! No wonder you haven't texted us back or answered our calls," Kirishima let out a sigh as he went through my phone and deleted all the pictures I had of them. He even replaced my lock screen and background of pictures of us. At this point, I stopped crying, and I felt lighter having taken a step toward moving on.

Kirishima handed my phone back but before he did, the screen lit up showing multiple messages from Kaminari. All of them said 'I'm sorry' and some variation of those words but I quickly swiped the messages away.

"Now that that's done, we're going to have dinner," he smiled at me but I shook my head.

"I'm not hungry," I responded softly. Besides, I don't wanna be around others right now. Now that Kirishima knows, it's only a matter of time the news of what happened travels around the class. I could feel their stares now and I just know they're going to walk on eggshells around me. That's the last thing I need.

A week went by and as suspected, the entire class knows that Shinsou cheated on me with Kaminari. As a result, Kaminari's outcast from his friend group, as expected. That isn't the only new development, however. Shinsou and Kaminari are officially together, meaning that Shinsou is still coming over. Another reason why I don't leave my room unless I really have to. I can't handle seeing them together. My heart breaks every time I see either of them, seeing them together breaks me all over again.

Isn't that just fucked up? The second Shinsou and I break up, Kaminari just swoops in and fills the spot I used to occupy. Did it really take Shinsou a few minutes to get over me? Did I even matter to him? Am I the only one who's suffering?

I fell back on my bed and stared at the ceiling as I let my mind race. I took my time leaving the school building today, so by the time I made it to the dorms, the entire class was hanging out in the common area. Momo was making tea for Uraraka, Tsu, and Jirou while Ashido, Sero, Kirishima, and Bakugou were on the couches having a lively conversation. Midoriya, Todoroki, and Iida were at a table studying together. Before all of this, I'd usually try to spend time with both Midoriya and Kirishima but now I just go straight to my room and stay there until the next day.

Before I made it to my safe space, I saw Shinsou and Kaminari come out of the elevator to head to Kaminari's room. Unfortunately, Kaminari's room is right down the hall from me and today I had the worst luck to run into them. In the midst of my panic, I pretended I didn't see them as I hurried into my room. They saw me and Shinsou called out to me. Both of them message me every day, apologizing every way they know how. I haven't opened any of the texts, I read them when they appear on my phone but I haven't opened them.

I let out a sigh as I forced myself out of bed to get some work done. I finally managed to catch up a few days ago so I don't wanna fall back. Besides, if I distract myself by doing homework and studying that means less time crying. Now instead of crying all day, I only cry at least twice a day, so I'd say things are getting better.

The more time I spend studying and focusing on school, the less time I spend thinking about Shinsou and Kaminari. It also helps that all the pictures are gone from my wall and my phone, so I don't have any reminders of them to look at when I'm zoning out. I guess it's true what they say 'out of sight, out of mind'.

It's finally the weekend and I plan to stay in bed all day. I haven't been sleeping more than 3 hours a night and I'm in desperate need of a relaxing day. I want to be alone today, to spend time with myself, and to try to find the missing pieces.

The first thing I did was turn off my phone. I don't need any texts or messages from Shinsou, Kaminari, or anyone to distract me from taking care of myself. Then I took a very long and hot shower. I spent half the time just standing under the hot water with my eyes closed listening to the music blasting from my speaker. I felt so much more relaxed when I got out and took my time drying my hair. It's not like I had anywhere to be so I'm trying to kill time until I go to sleep.

When my hair was all dry, I tried to style it but nothing looked right. I don't recognize myself anymore ... my skin is dull and pale, my eyes are a bit sunken and the life that used to shine through them is no longer there. I can tell that I've lost a little bit of weight from not eating the way I should be and it's making me look sick. The sad thing is, I don't have the will to fix it. The amount of energy it takes for me to get out of bed alone is too much, let alone the energy I consume to do schoolwork. I don't have the motivation to take care of myself like I used to. Thinking about it now, I always made sure to eat at least 5 times a day and sleep at least 7 hours. If I was stressed or anxious, I'd either talk to Shinsou about it or walk across the hall to Kaminari's room. I used them as therapists sometimes and they wouldn't let me go until I was smiling. I used to talk to people .... Express myself when I was feeling down. Now ... now I've shut down. Even staring at myself in the mirror I'm shocked that I've changed so much because of what two people did.

Isn't that crazy? I've fallen apart, become an entirely different person while the other two are happy and in love together. They wasted no time getting together and that said a lot about their character. I hate this. I want to hate them so bad but I can't. There are too many good memories that are overshadowing this and I wish they'd just disappear.

The next day, I planned to spend it the same way I did yesterday. Alone in my room, snuggled up in bed while watching movies. However, Kirishima and Midoriya had other plans. They convinced me to go to the arcade with them and the rest of the class. I felt bad for not spending time with them and I had nothing to lose. Maybe I could actually have some fun and forget about my sadness for a few hours. I can't let Shinsou and Kaminari take away any more of my time.

So, I got myself ready and left my room for the first time this weekend to head to the common room. There, everyone was split into their close friend groups. I walked right up to Kirishima who was hanging out with Ashido and Sero.

"Long time no see!" Sero's smile got wider when he looked up from the couch and saw me. I gave his head a few pats and felt myself start to smile. His smile is so bright and I already feel lighter.

"We don't hang out anymore! I miss you!" Ashido pouted and her cheeks puffed up adorably. She's so cute ...

"I'm sorry ..." I said softly. I meant it to, I felt bad that I've been neglecting my friends. At the same time, it's easier to be alone.

"You'll make up for it today! We're going to hang out ALL DAY and I won't hear any complaints!" She stared at me with a determination that was quite frightening and I didn't dare reject her proposal.

"Okay," I nodded and agreed to appease her, and the second I did, a big smile replaced her pout. Ashido's a handful, that's what makes her fun to be around though.

"Yay!" She exclaimed with a grin on her face.

"You look like crap," A voice spoke up behind me and I quickly turned around and saw Bakugou staring at me.

"Thanks," I let out a sigh, and Kirishima smacked him upside the head which made Bakugou angry.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR, SHITTY HAIR?!"

"For being rude!" Kirishima stood up for me and I couldn't help but chuckle. I

guess things really haven't changed that much huh? Not that I expected them too, but it's nice to know that there are some constants in life.

"Just being honest," Bakugou muttered under his breath.

"It's okay, Kirishima. He's not wrong," I shrugged and Bakugou sat down beside

Sero.

"Get your shit together, Y/N. I don't associate with weaklings," He didn't even look at me as he spoke, he had his head turned away from me and I was taken aback by his harsh words. Is that what he really thinks of me? A weakling?

"Kachaan that was mean!" Midoriya said as he glared at Bakugou.

"Shut up ... damn Deku," Bakugou didn't even glance at Midoriya and I was left standing there like a deer in the headlights still trying to process what Bakugou said before. I mean, I knew I was weak, but I didn't expect to be called out on it. Especially by Bakugou, that was unexpected.

"Y/N? You okay?" Kirishima nudged me gently and I snapped out of the daze I was in and blinked.

"Hm? Oh, yeah I'm fine," I reassured him, but he didn't look convinced, "I mean it. I know what Bakugou said was a bit harsh, but it's okay. Isn't that what 'tough love' is?" The second I said 'tough love' Bakugou's cheeks turned pink and his face scrunched up in both anger and embarrassment. Huh, that was kind of a cute reaction. I don't think I've ever seen Bakugou blush. To be honest, I didn't think he was capable of blushing.

"Fucking dumbass," Bakugou growled under his breath and I let out a small laugh. I didn't expect to be cheered up by Bakugou of all people, but life's full of surprises I guess.

About a half-hour later, we arrived at the arcade and I was being dragged around by Midoriya, Kirishima, Ashido, and Sero. They were indecisive about where to start and as a result, we ran around three loops around the building before settling on a game. I'm already spent and we just got here! Why'd they have to drag me around like that? My arm was about to pop out of the socket if they dragged me around much longer. Kirishima was doing most of the dragging and I think he forgets how strong he is compared to other people. Not to mention how fast he was running? There was literally no reason for him to be sprinting around the arcade. It's not like we're on a time crunch, we're here until this place closes, so there's plenty of time.

Even though half of the time I was being dragged around by Kirishima, I was in a good mood. I have to admit though, I was having fun. They made sure to make me feel included and made sure I was doing okay. I played every game with them and even got competitive. I felt like my old self for the first time in a very long time and I made sure to enjoy every moment of it. I don't want to go back to feeling like an empty shell. I want my life back.

"Y/N! Have a snack with me!" Midoriya asked as he took my hand and dragged me away from Kirishima's group. He was much gentler dragging me to the little food court within the arcade. When we got to the table, Iida, Todoroki, and Uraraka were already there having a lively conversation.

"Hey guys," I greeted them as I sat down next to Todoroki.

"Hey!" Uraraka greeted me sweetly and I smiled.

"I'll be right back," Midoriya left to get something to eat and I relaxed at the table.

"Are you doing alright?" Todoroki asked softly from beside me.

"Yeah, I'm alright," I turned my head to talk to him and I was surprised by how close we were. I mean I know the table is small, but I didn't think we'd be so close. Our shoulders were practically pressed together and I was able to feel how warm he was. It wasn't a bad thing though.

"Good, I'm glad," A small smile played on his lips and I felt my heart flutter for a second. I don't think I've ever seen him smile before. Even though it was a small smile, it softened his face. Todoroki's actually pretty cute. My eyes have been on Shinsou since the start of the school year but now that we're not together anymore, I've noticed how attractive almost everyone is. Not just attractive physically, but their personalities too. For example, Kirishima is so respectful and is always positive; Midoriya puts others first, sometimes putting himself at risk, and he's an amazing listener. Not just the guys, but the girls too. Momo is gentle and caring while Ashido is upbeat and silly. How come I never realized how incredible everyone is? It's like I'm seeing them all for the first time and I'm happily surprised.

"I'm back!" Midoriya returned with two snack boxes and placed one in front of me.

"Thank you," I felt touched by his kindness and he brushed it off with a smile. He even got me my favorite snack ... fuck I could cry. Everyone is being so nice and I'm reminded once again how I neglected them the past few weeks. I've been too busy drowning in my own misery that I couldn't see their efforts. At the time, I found it to be irritating but now I know they were just trying their best to be there for me. If I didn't shut down, I'd probably be back to normal by now, well mostly normal. I won't shut them out anymore. I need them now more than ever and I'm an idiot for only realizing that now. Bakugou's right, I have to get my shit together.

Kaminari's POV
I wonder if Firefly is doing okay? They've been acting a bit weird for a week now. They haven't been acting like themself. Usually, they're bubbly and always smiling but I don't think I've seen them smile that much. They've been distant and I don't understand why. Unless ... unless they know about what Shinsou and I did. H-how would they know? Nobody saw ... nobody was there when it happened, and it only happened once for a split second. There's no way they know. But what if ... what if someone did see us kiss?

Oh shit, what if someone saw and told them? Oh shit, what do I do? Do I tell Shinsou? Do I confess to Firefly?! Oh man ... oh shit ... oh man ... they're gonna hate me. They probably already hate me if they know. I'm fucked, I'm screwed .... I'm a homewrecker! I ruined a perfect relationship ... but I love him. I love Shinsou so much I don't know what to do. I've loved him for a couple of months. If they split up ... that means I can be with Shinsou. But that also means I'll lose Firefly. I love them ... they're my best friend. They've been there for me since day one and I'm about to lose them forever.

Don't fuck up even more and jump the gun, Kaminari. Think for once in your life! Yeah, I messed up big time. I don't know if I can come back from this. I regret it, but I also don't. Kissing Shinsou felt so right, I didn't want to stop. I knew he felt the same since he kissed me back and almost couldn't stop. He loves me, but he also loves them. The look of guilt that he had in his eyes when he broke the kiss with me was intense. I felt that same guilt, especially when Firefly came over and gushed about how much they loved Shinsou.

They were practically glowing, their cheeks blushing, eyes sparkling ... they looked beautiful. I don't think they've ever been happier. Remembering how happy they were brought tears to my eyes. If they find out what I did, it'll destroy them. I'm supposed to be there for them, protect them not break them and stab them in the back. God damnit Kaminari, what have you done?!

I paced back and forth in my room arguing with myself about my past actions. It was like there were an angel and a devil on my shoulders, both justifying what I did and guilting me. One half of me is saying how it wasn't just me, it was also Shinsou who messed up so it's not all on me. The kiss felt absolutely perfect and neither of us wanted to pull away. But the more reasonable half of me ... the half that's causing my anxiety to spike and my nausea to get worse ... is focused on Firefly. A thousand scenarios are playing in my head acting out every single possible outcome. In every single scenario, they're crying. It doesn't matter if they're disappointed, pissed, furious, depressed, shocked ... they're crying in every single scenario.

Okay, calm down. Chill out dude, if they know, they'll bring it up. They're not the type to take this kind of thing lying down. For someone who's not very social, they're really good at detecting any sort of bullshit and lies. So, the fact that Firefly hasn't said anything could mean they don't know and they're distant because they're stressed. I mean, they've been with Shinsou like usual so I should just relax. Even though I stopped pacing, I still felt sick to my stomach. This feeling sucks. I've never felt this bad before ... this guilty. What I should be thinking about is how to make it right. Is there even a way to do that? I don't have a time quirk so I can't go back in time and undo the kiss or make it so that we don't fall in love. Fuck ... shit ... here I am working hard to be a hero when I made a mistake big enough to take away someone's happiness. Not just anyone, but my best friend.

Maybe I should talk to Shinsou about it. I wonder how he's feeling about all of this? Is he feeling the same way I am, or has he already forgotten? I mean, I doubt that he's forgotten but still.

Sighing, I reached for my phone that was on my bed and texted Shinsou. I asked him how Firefly was doing and if he noticed anything strange. He got back to me almost right away and he replied saying that he thinks they suspect something. Firefly kept asking if he loved them and that if they're good enough for him. Oh no .... Oh shit, they know. They definitely know. Panic started to set in and my hands were shaking. What do we do? I texted Shinsou asking just that and he replied saying he didn't know. He's just as lost as I was. I asked him how he was doing and as suspected, he was nervous, anxious, guilt-stricken, and lost. At least I know that we're feeling the same emotions.

We texted for a while after I initiated the conversation and we tried to think of possible solutions. He suggested that we just confess to them. Both of us begging for forgiveness but would that even work? Would they even listen to our apology? I knew that confessing was something that we had to do, but how do we say it in a way that won't completely destroy them? We can't just blurt out and say 'Shinsou and I are in love and we cheated on you'. That sounds so heartless and brutal. I mean, not like what we did wasn't, but there has to be a nicer way to say it, right? Either way, it's going to break their heart big time.

I collapsed on my bed and tossed my phone aside. Stay positive, my guy. Don't spiral yet, and don't act suspicious. Shinsou and I will figure out a solution soon.

The next day, my fears turned into reality. Shinsou texted me after school. All the message said was 'they know' and that was enough to drain all the blood from my face. My stomach dropped and a cold sweat crept over my body. Oh no ... oh fuck ... oh shit .. what do I do now?! How did they find out?! Who told them?! Was it Shinsou? No ... he would have told me. Should I text Firefly? What do I tell them? No amount of apologies could even begin to fix this.

I panicked and stood absolutely still in the middle of my room. Frozen in fear, I couldn't even breathe. It felt like my world collapsed ... if this is how I feel, how does Firefly feel? How is Shinsou doing? I'm worried about both of them ... should I even try talking to Firefly? Would they even listen? Would I just make it worse?

Maybe I should see Shinsou ... he's probably in his room. If he was here, he would have walked in by now. Taking a few deep breaths, I left my room and walked down the hallway. However, I stopped in front of Firefly's room which was right down the hall. From where I was standing, I could hear them bawling. I've never heard them cry like that before ... oh man. They're in total despair and it's all my fault.

I covered my mouth with my hand as I continued to hear their painful sobs and I started to tear up. I was about to knock on the door when I stopped myself. I'm the last person they want to see right now ... I'll just give them some space. Taking a deep breath to collect myself, I walked toward the elevator and headed downstairs to the common room. Luckily, it was empty and I sprinted to Shinsou's dorm. The second I got to his room, I didn't even bother knocking as I walked in.

Shinsou was on his bed, face in his hands with his phone beside him. Judging from the water droplets on his grey sweatpants and the sound of his sniffling, he's been crying for a while.

"Shinsou!" I called out his name which caused his head to snap up. I closed the door behind me and rushed to his side, wrapping my arms around him. He didn't say anything as he hugged me back and cried into my shoulder.

"What happened?" I asked carefully as he began to calm down.

"They had a picture. Someone sent them a picture of us together," he explained in a raw voice. Oh shit, I knew it. Who was it though?! There was no one around us! We were in a secluded part of the school!

I couldn't say anything as I consoled Shinsou. He was devastated ... all I can do now is be there for him and help him through this. After all, he's all I have now. Now that Firefly knows about what I did, there's no doubt in my head that they hate me. Not just them, when the class finds out, they're going to hate me too. Kirishima would be furious and fight me, Midoriya would probably lose his cool and punch me so hard my lungs explode. Not that I blame them or anything ... I deserve to be punched like that.

Is there any coming back from this? Denki, snap out of it. There's a broken man in your arms and you're thinking about yourself. Fuck, have I always been this selfish? I brought my attention back to Shinsou who was crying as he clung to my clothes and I rubbed his back trying to comfort him.

"We'll figure this out, okay? It sucks we couldn't tell them ourselves, but they're strong, right?" my voice trembled slightly and Shinsou shook his head.

"I hurt them ... I hurt them so bad. They weren't even mad," Shinsou pulled away from me to show me the messages and I could feel their hurt. Firefly blamed themselves ... saying they were sorry they weren't good enough for him. I read every single message twice and I still had trouble understanding what they talked about. The conversation was quick, and at the very end, they said, 'I hope you're happy with him. For real, Shinsou'. That ... that hurt. I felt like I've been stabbed through the chest with a jagged knife over and over again. I didn't feel any malice, not a shred of anger. All I felt was despair and hopelessness.

I put the phone down and turned to Shinsou who was shedding tears silently, staring at the floor in front of him. I gently turned his head so he could look at me and I brushed his tears away.

"We'll try talking to them tomorrow, okay? Right now ... right now they need space. Babe, come here," I opened my arms and he didn't hesitate to fall in. I stroked his indigo-colored hair and after a while, he calmed down a little.

"I know they still love you. There's a chance we haven't lost them forever," I tried to cheer him up but I don't think it worked.

"We fucked up big time, Denki. I knew we messed up but now I realize we fucked up. We should have told them ... and done so a lot sooner," Shinsou shook his head and I nodded.

"I know ... I know we should have. If I could go back in time and fix this, I would. But right now ... you're all I have left," My voice cracked at the end of my sentence and Shinsou squeezed my body. He's so comforting and warm ... I know first hand why Firefly loves him so much.

"How are we going to face them?" Shinsou asked quietly.

I shrugged, "I don't even know. We're in the same class and they live right down the hall ... I don't know what I'm going to," I felt my anxiety start to rise again and I tried to shove it down, but I couldn't. My body started to shake and my breathing became ragged. Noticing this, Shinsou pulled away and shifted my body so I was sitting on his lap.

"You can stay here until things calm down in your dorm. I ... uh ... I also don't want to be alone," Shinsou's offer was genuine and my heart ached at his soft request at the end.

I nodded, "Okay. I'll stay," I accepted his offer. I mean, it was the only sane thing

to do right now. I'm too ashamed of my actions to face anyone in class 1-A. Besides, I don't want to hear them cry again. Knowing that I'm the cause of why they're sobbing is too much.Still, in Shinsou's room, I decided to reach out to Firefly. I'm surprised they answered me but of course, they wanted nothing to do with me. I tried to clear things up and talk things out but they refused. Not that I blamed them, but I wish they'd give me the chance to explain. They don't have the full story and maybe once they heard it all, we could figure something out.

"I need to go back to my room to grab a few things ... come with me?" I dreaded going back to the I-A dorms but I had to grab a few things from my room if I was going to stay with Shinsou for a little bit.

"Um, sure," Even Shinsou was hesitant as he sat up from his bed and stood up. We slowly made our way back to my dorm and the second we made it to my floor, I froze. I didn't want to walk past their room and hear their sobs. I took a deep breath and continued walking with Shinsou close behind. However, both of us stopped in front of their room. We could hear them crying, but they seemed to have calmed down a bit.

"God damnit Toshi," Their muffled voice was raw and I glanced at Shinsou who looked horrified. Without saying a word, I grabbed his arm and quickly made our way to my room.

"Has .. have they been crying all day?" Shinsou's voice was a mere whisper and I stopped what I was doing for a moment.

"Yeah ..." I answered honestly and continued to pack my bag.

"Fuck ... what have we done?" The horror in his voice matched the sadness on his face and I walked over to him. There was nothing I could say that would make this situation any better, so I chose to stay silent. One of the smartest decisions I've ever made if I were to be completely honest.

I rubbed his back and he leaned onto me, resting his head on my shoulder. This is all I could do for him right now. He really did love them and he knows how bad he hurt them. They're suffering and it's all our fault.

After a few minutes of consoling Shinsou, I pulled him away so I could finish packing. Luckily, I was almost done. I put a few more changes of clothes in my bag, grabbed bathroom stuff and school materials.

"I'm all set," I announced as I held two backpacks on my shoulders. Without hesitation, Shinsou took one of the bags and slung it over his own shoulder.

Before we left the floor, Shinsou stood in front of Firefly's door and listened to them cry. The next thing I knew, he was knocking on their door. What the ... does he really think they're going to answer?

"Kitty ... please open up. Let's talk this out," Shinsou pleaded but we didn't hear a response. We did, however, get a text through a new group chat. All it said was 'no, go away'.

"Please, I need to see you. I'm so sorry ... please let us in," Shinsou rested his head against the door but it never opened. He didn't give up though, he kept trying to get them to open the door or at least talk to us but they didn't budge.

"Shinsou ..." I whispered as I took his hand. I pulled him away from the door and dragged him away to the elevator. If I didn't pull him, he would have stayed there forever.

That night, neither of us slept. We kept tossing and turning, silently crying as the events of today sunk in, and before we knew it, the morning sun was illuminating the dark bedroom. Neither of us got more than 20 minutes of sleep and we were exhausted. Mostly mentally exhausted. My thoughts naturally shifted to Firefly. I wonder if they slept? I hope they're doing better today ... how am I going to face them at school? Should we just pretend that everything is normal and try to fix this in private or are they going to shut me out completely and make a scene? Maybe I should just skip school today ...

"No, we're going to class today," Shinsou's groggy voice caught me off guard and I panicked.

"H-huh? Was I talking out loud!?"

"No, dummy. Your face gave it away," Shinsou yawned and stretched as he wrapped an arm around me, resting his head on my chest. Automatically, I started to play with his soft hair and I sighed.

"What am I going to do when I see them in class?" I whispered.

"I don't know Denki ..."

I sank further in the bed and held Shinsou tight. I didn't want to get up ... this is the only safe space I'll have for a while and I don't want to leave it.

Your POV
I've been losing track of time and don't know how many days or weeks it's been since Shinsou and I broke up. I continue to ignore their daily messages and try to pick up the pieces of who I used to be. To be honest, I don't know if I'll ever get that person back. I still feel like a hollow shell, but thanks to my friends, I've started to smile more. Although, I still don't spend as much time with them as I used to. I noticed that I've been losing a lot of energy when I'm around hyperactive people like Kirishima. It's like he sucks away my energy to fuel himself and it's draining. I can only be with them for so long before I want to be alone and recharge. It's hard explaining that to them without making it sound rude, so instead I just tell them I'm tired and go back to my room where it's quiet.

Today was a bit strange though. Today, I got an unexpected text from Todoroki. It was a sweet message saying that even though we aren't close, he's worried about me and wants to make sure I'm okay. When I read the message, I felt a gentle, familiar pang in my chest. I chose to ignore that feeling since it only lasted about half a second and continued with the conversation. Todoroki's one of the rare people in the class I can be around for a long period of time since he's usually low energy and quiet.

We texted for a little bit and even though I tried to blow over my own emotions to convince him that I was okay, he wasn't buying it. His most recent message has me at a complete loss for words.

He wrote 'you don't have to pretend to be okay. I know more than anyone that it's not a temporary fix. Bottling up emotions only makes it worse. I'm no stranger to pain ... to hurt.'

I felt like crying when I read the message over and over again. I know the others have said something similar to this, but for some reason, when Todoroki said it, it really resonated with me. Like he was the only one to get through to me. But him saying he's no stranger to hurt or pain hurt me in a way I didn't expect. I thought of his scar and could only imagine how he got it. I'm aware his childhood wasn't the best because of how he resents his father but I don't know any details.

Todoroki messaged back saying, 'Closing yourself off may seem like the easiest path, but I assure you it's not. So when you're ready ... don't hesitate to open up to me. I may not be the most social in class, but I'm a good listener.'

My heart started to ache in a bittersweet way and I felt exposed. I really can't hide from him, can't I? He sees right through me and I'm still trying to figure out if it's a good thing or a bad thing. All I could say was thank you. I even told him how sweet he was. I didn't realize how much he actually cared and only now am I regretting not getting to know him before.

What was more surprising, was that he invited me to have dinner with him in the common room. He was making me his favorite soba and I couldn't say no. So, I found myself leaving my safe space and headed to the common room.

Luckily, there were very few people there and Todoroki was in the kitchen putting together two bowls of his favorite cold soba. I sat down at one of the tables and when he looked over the counters to see me, I flashed him a small smile. He returned the small smile with one of his very own and I felt ... warm.

A few moments later, Todoroki appeared in front of me and placed a bowl in front of me.

"Thank you..." I said as I picked up that pair of chopsticks that were placed beside me.

"No problem," his reply was curt but there was a softness to his voice I don't think I've ever heard before. We ate in silence, but it was a comfortable silence. Neither of us expected a full conversation, so there was no point in making small talk. His presence alone was oddly enough. You know ... for someone so strangely chaotic, he's calming to be around. I know he may not seem chaotic, but there have been times where I question if his calm and aloof demeanor is just a front. He can get just as worked up as Midoriya and Bakugou ... which can be scary at times.

"Is it good?" his sudden question snapped me back to reality and I hesitated a moment before I nodded.

"It is! Thank you for making this for me," I replied softly.

"It's no trouble. I'm glad you're eating something," he met my gaze, and for a moment, I didn't blink. I didn't know how to respond so instead, I just smiled and continued to eat. Maybe ... just maybe ... I really can open up to him.

The next day, I was sitting at my desk working on some assignments when my phone went off multiple times. I tried to ignore it, but the buzzing wouldn't stop. I figured it would be either Shinsou and Kaminari texting me, or a combination of both. Usually, I would just turn my phone off, but seeing as though I've been doing better mentally, I thought I'd actually read the messages. Turns out it was just Shinsou. He messaged me saying that both he and Kaminari are worried about me. He mentioned the arcade and to be honest, I forgot he was there. I was too busy getting dragged around by Midoriya and Kirishima to notice them.

He wrote, 'Listen, I can't take back what I did, but I need you to know that I'm sorry for hurting you and betraying your trust. It took a long time to build it and I lost it in a blink of an eye.' Ugh. I hate those words. 'I'm sorry'. They honestly mean nothing and I'm so tired of reading those words every second I open my phone. I don't care that they're sorry. It doesn't change anything. It doesn't fix anything. I finally texted back saying how much I hate those words. I know he's sorry ... I know that Kaminari's sorry too. But they're just sorry they got caught. If that picture was never taken ... if I never found out, I would be blissfully ignorant, still happily in love with my Toshi, blind to the fact that he's in love with another.

This time, I let him know exactly how I've been feeling. I'm strong enough to do that now. I'm picking up the pieces they broke and I'm tired of feeling so shitty. I'm done feeling sorry for myself. I might as well ask the questions I couldn't ask before. I asked him when he stopped loving me, but he responded by saying he never did. 'I never stopped loving you. Please, I love you ... but I also love Denki'. There it is. There's the kicker, the catch. The knife continues to sink further into my chest. He claims he loves me still, but that he's in love with my best friend. However, I already knew that. I've known that for weeks now. Hearing him actually admit it though creates a new pain. A reminder that he was never truly mine. He was for a while, but I'm convinced it was an illusion I created.

I reread the part where he told me he loves me. That he still does and the feeling is bittersweet because I still love him too. Fuck, I love him so much it's almost unbearable but I'm pretending I don't move on. How does the saying go? Fake it until you make it? But the truth is that I love him. I miss him ... I miss his embrace, his kiss, his smile ... all of it. I miss his warmth at night when I can't sleep, I miss his company .. his reassuring presence has created a void in my room and it's so obvious to me. I guess I really am weak. He broke me, but here I am still loving him. I really am a fool, huh?

Sighing, I asked him how long. How long has he been going behind my back with Kaminari? He replied with 'a few months'. A few months. I ... was not expecting that. I froze for a second trying to make sense of the timeline. A few months means more than a couple which is 2 ... so more than two months. More than 60 days. Maybe even 90 days. He's been in love with Kaminari for over 60 days and he never thought about bringing it up. I have been getting played for that long and here I was thinking I was the luckiest person ever to have someone so perfect, so loving, so loyal. I feel stupid. I feel like a fucking idiot.

Hot tears streamed down my cheeks as I let the new information sink in and all I could do was laugh. They really had me ... I fell for hook, line, and sinker. But ... Why didn't either of them say anything? They gave absolutely nothing away. I'm not that oblivious ... at least I hope not. None of the vibes changed, nothing I could sense anyways. So, why? Why didn't they tell me the second the feelings appeared? I'm not an intimidating person to talk to ... I would have listened and tried to come up with a solution. He knows this. Both of them do.

'I didn't know how to tell you. I was afraid to say that I fell in love with Denki.'

'So you thought cheating on me was a better idea?'

"No! That never meant to happen! It was a weak moment that happened to be captured by someone! That was the only time we kissed while you and I were together, I promise! Please believe me.' Shinsou went into a little more detail but it didn't make me feel any better. I want to believe him so badly, but I can't. Not after he cheated on me and went behind my back for a few months?? I'm having a lot of trouble understanding why. Why say nothing? Why pretend everything was okay between us? Clearly, something wasn't if he fell in love with someone else. What does Kaminari have that I don't? Why him? Was Shinsou not happy with me? Was I not enough? Am I not enough?

'I really want to. I still don't understand why you couldn't be honest about your feelings with me. Sure, it would have hurt to hear you fell in love with someone else, but we could have worked something out. We could have taken a break so you could have figured out what you wanted to do. Get your feelings together and then decide what's best for you ... for us. Shinsou, I never would have attacked you or blown up at you over something like this.' I let him know exactly what was going through my mind. I need him to know how I feel.

'I-I know. I am so sorry. I didn't know what to do. Denki didn't know what to do. So, we thought it would be best if we forgot the kiss ever happened and move on.' Doesn't he know that things like that don't work that way? Before, he said the kiss happened in a weak moment and that he tried to act as though nothing happened. But, the kiss meant something. It was obvious in his eyes. I watched him for a week like a hawk looking for signs that it was a lie, but what I found was more evidence that it was real. Thinking back, I bet he was thinking about that kiss every chance he could.

'Things would be different if both of you told me sooner. I would still trust you guys. I'm so lost without you both. I hate that I miss you both so much.' I couldn't hold it back any longer and the tears turned into streams pouring down my cheeks. I felt my heartbreaking all over again. I didn't bother brushing the tears away. I let them fall down my cheeks, down my neck soaking my shirt.

'Y/N ... Please let Denki and I make it up to you.' Shinsou and Denki have been trying to make it up to me or find ways to fix this but don't they know they can't?! How would they even begin to fix the damage they inflicted on me?

'How can you possibly make this up to me? The first man I ever loved cheated on me with my best friend. Nothing you two could ever do will fix that hurt.' I wanted so bad to scream but instead, I just sobbed. For the first time in a while, I sobbed. I stopped responding to Shinsou at that moment. I couldn't handle it anymore. I said my piece and for now, that's the best I can do.

I curled myself up into a ball on my bed and continued to sob for who knows how long before I decided I can't be alone. I texted Todoroki and he replied quickly saying he was already on my way to my room.

A few minutes later, I heard a soft knock on my door and I tried to calm down a little bit before I opened the door, but it was a failed effort. In fact, the second I saw him, I broke even more. I don't know why, but the sobs I was holding back, just forced their way out of me and I couldn't hold back anymore.

The second Todoroki saw me, his small smile fell and I fell into his arms.

"Months! He played me for months!" I sobbed into his chest. I grabbed his shirt tightly and he took a couple of steps back in response to my sudden embrace.

"H-hey ... you're okay ..." his awkward attempt at comforting was met with head pats. We were in the middle of the hallway at this point and he was trying to quiet my sobs. What I didn't know was that Kaminari's door was cracked open a bit and he was able to hear me loud and clear.

Todoroki picked me up in a swift movement and brought me inside the room. When he sat me down on the bed, I let go of his shirt and he closed the door before returning to my side. His shirt was wrinkled from where I grabbed it and there were wet spots from my tears on his chest.

"...sorry ... I didn't mean to grab you like that," I said, my voice raw, as I continued to cry.

"Don't worry about it. What happened?" Todoroki placed a warm hand on the middle of my back and I showed him the texts instead of talking about it. I leaned on his shoulder as he scrolled through the messages and I felt his hand get hotter the more he read.

"Todoroki?" When I called out to him, he snapped out of the daze he was in and cooled down. He put my phone down and shook his head.

"...Did I hurt you?" he asked apologetically.

I shook my head and wiped away the tears with my sleeve, "No, I'm okay."

"Do you want to talk about it? Or do you want to get distracted for a while?"

I let out a sigh as I shrugged half-heartedly, "I ... both? I just can't believe how blind I was. Am I really that dumb to not notice?" letting out a self-deprecating laugh, I shook my head and sniffled. Todoroki looked around the room and his eyes landed on a tissue box that was on my desk. He quickly grabbed it before returning to my side and handed me a tissue.

"You're not dumb. Don't blame yourself," His calm voice was tinged with anger and frustration.

"He said he still loves me, but how could he love me when he broke me? How could he love me and fall in love with my best friend?" I shook my head and Todoroki stayed quiet.

"Shinsou's a piece of shit," he said clearly. He said it with his whole chest and I knew he meant it. I was too surprised to hear him curse to actually take in what he said.

"W-what?" I asked in a soft whisper.

"Shinsou. Is. A. Piece. Of. Shit," he repeated with no hesitation, and what made it comical, was the fact that he said it with a straight face. His expression did not change the entire sentence and it caught me so off guard, my only response was to laugh.

"Yeah ... he is," I agreed with him as I laughed through the tears and when he saw me smile, he relaxed a little.

"Want to watch a movie?" he suggested when I settled down.

I nodded, "Yeah, sure."

Todoroki chose a movie and as promised, distracted me from the painful reality I was facing. I also learned that Todoroki prefers documentaries over other genres and loves cute animal documentaries. I think it's sweet how he's so interested in animals and he seems to find comfort in them too. I couldn't help but smile when I glanced at him and saw that his eyes were fixated on the TV. His eyes were following the adorable lemurs that were swinging from tree to tree in search of fruit and to be honest, I think he forgot I was even here. Even so ... I felt calmer with him here. What is it about him that calms me down? I mean, I felt calm with Shinsou but this ... this feeling is different. I can't quite explain it, but the calmness I feel with Todoroki has a warmer feeling. I'm not just saying that because his left sight is right up against me. I'll figure it out eventually ... for now, I'll just relish in the calmness I feel with him right beside me.
Over the next few days, Todoroki has been quite attentive to me. He made sure I ate proper meals instead of snacks and that I got plenty of rest. Lately, Todoroki hasn't been eating meals without me and even offers to cook for me sometimes. Now that I really think about it ... Shinsou's never did that for me. He made sure I ate, sure, but Shinsou never offered to cook for me or bring me food. I'd always do that for him though. It's strange, to be honest. I feel cared for and special in a way I didn't feel before. Of course, I've been caring about him too. Todoroki is a master at hiding his own emotions and bottling them up, so I've been slowly building up some trust between us so he could release some of it. He's barely mentioned some of his past, but just by the look on his face when he mentions his family ... I know there's so much to unpack. It's obvious that he's suffered a lot, I mean just look at his family dynamic now; it's a mess.

I'm currently in my room reading a book when I heard a knock on the door.

"Yeah?" I called out from my bed.

"It's me ... can I come in?" Todoroki's voice was muffled coming from the other side of the door and I put my book down.

"What's up, Todoroki?" I asked as soon as I opened the door. I invited him in and he sat down beside me on the desk.

"You're the only one," he said softly. Only one? The only one ... what? I blinked a few times and tilted my head to the side in confusion.

"What are you talking about?"

"You're the only one who hasn't asked about my scar. Or even mentioned it ...." Todoroki sounded mystified and I shrugged.

"Sure, because it's really none of my business," I answered, "I figured that if you ever wanted to talk about it, you'd be the first to mention it. I'm not going to ask about something like that," speaking softly, I responded and that seemed to confuse him even more. It's like he didn't understand the concept of someone respecting privacy.

"I ... uh thank you," Todoroki was stunned and I giggled at his flabbergasted reaction. I smiled at him and giggled when he looked more confused than before.

"Of course," I shrugged off his thanks and his expression softened. He even had a small smile on his face. Wow ... he looks so cute when he smiles. I know I've seen his smile a few times now, but I'm amazed every time I see it. Because he usually wears an emotionless expression, when he shows genuine emotion ... It feels almost surreal. Not everyone gets to see his smile, so the fact that he does smile around me so often ... I can't help but feel warm and special.

"So ... can I talk to you about it?" Todoroki asked as he met my gaze. My eyes widened at his question and it took me a few moments to actually comprehend it. Does he really want to talk about it with me?

"Only if you want to. I'll never force you to talk about something personal," I assured him.

"I-I want to," He was quick to respond and there was no sign of hesitation in his eyes.

"Okay," I replied softly. I adjusted myself on the bed so that I was facing him and crossed my legs. Todoroki appeared nervous and he didn't say anything for a few moments.

"My family ... is beyond dysfunctional, but you already knew that," he started off softly, looking at his hands that were placed delicately on his thighs, "The day I got my scar ... I caught my mom talking about how my left side reminded her of Endeavor. She was upset ... crying, but angry."

"I was only 8 years old ... I didn't understand why she was so upset. So when she saw me ... she reacted by pouring boiling water on my face," Todoroki clenched his hand into a fist as he relived the memory and my heart ached at the pain clearly displayed on his face.

"The water wasn't how I got the scar though ... she tried to fix it by using her ice but it only made it worse. The next day, she was gone. Endeavor sent her away because she hurt me," he relaxed his hand and I leaned forward, inching myself closer to him. He was so young ... he had his mother taken away from him when he was just a kid. Not just that, the most prominent memory he has of her, is when she hurt him.

"I thought she hated me ... that visiting her in the hospital would make her hate me more, but I decided I had to see her if I was going to overcome the past and move forward. When I did ... she was so happy to see me," his voice softened and the pain on his face that was there a second ago seemed to have melted away when he talked about seeing his mom again. When he finished talking, he looked over at me and let out a nervous breath.

"Thank you ... for telling me. I'm proud of you for reliving a painful memory," I spoke up as I put a gentle hand on his back. In response, his cheeks turned a soft pink color and he looked away. However, he made no move to brush away my touch.

"You're easy to talk to," Todoroki admitted bashfully. That made me smile and I felt the same way. I feel like I can talk to him about anything and I'm really glad he feels the same way. Right now, I feel so much closer to him than ever before and I have a feeling we're only going to get closer. I'm pretty sure I can call him a close friend at this point and the loneliness that's plagued me for so long is fading away.

How long has it been now? Probably a couple of months ... I've lost track of time, to be honest. I'm still broken, but the pieces are slowly coming back together. I don't cry myself to sleep anymore; that's progress, right? I still cry sometimes though. Especially when I get angry, the anger transforms into tears and before I know it, I'm crying. The thing is though, I'm not mad at them. I don't know why, I mean I should be fucking pissed at those two, but I'm not. Even with a clearer head, I can't get angry at them. At the end of the day, Shinsou and Denki are happy. A little too happy if I say so myself.

Whether it be in the hallway at school, or in the common room, Shinsou's attached to Denki by the hip. Whenever I walk by, they're laughing and/or being sweet. The other day, I walked into the common room to see Shinsou watching TV on the green couch with Denki's head on his lap. Denki's eyes were closed and his cheeks were flushed as Shinsou ran his fingers through his hair. It was a pretty cute sight, but the amount of pain it caused was almost unbearable. It may be jealousy, but it's mostly the fact that they moved on so quickly. It's like they don't even feel any remorse, almost as if Denki is flaunting his prize in front of me.

Usually, when they're being affectionate and I walk into the common room, they immediately pull away from each other and call out to me, but I simply ignore them and rush back to my room. Sometimes, I even go to Todoroki's room to distract me and keep me from getting too sad about it. Speaking of Todoroki ... I've noticed I've been leaning on him a lot. Lately, when I feel a wave of depression approaching, I think of him and the darkness disperses a little bit.

He's been opening up to me too ... talking about his family and what it was like for him growing up. I don't think he's ever said this kind of stuff out loud before. Well, he's pretty vocal about how much he despises his father, but that's not what I mean. I often catch myself wondering what kind of a person Todoroki would be if Endeavor was kinder ... or more compassionate. Would he smile more? Would he be able to trust others a little easier? My main question would be if he'd be happier. If his family was centered more around love rather than power ... who would Todoroki be today?

I found myself sighing as I imagined Todoroki with a big smile on his face. Why have I been thinking about him a lot? I don't think about my other friends like this ... not even Midoriya or Kirishima. Todoroki's just different I guess.

Now that I think about it ... what do I think of him? Right now, he's a close friend but it feels ... different. When Kaminari was my best friend, I don't remember feeling like this. When I think of Todoroki, I feel at ease. I feel lighter and the hurt I feel sort of melts away. When he confides in me, it brings me one step closer to being able to confide more in him and therefore learn to trust others again.

Alright, I need to study, I can't keep thinking about Todoroki. I mentally shook myself and took a deep breath as I returned to my assignments. I haven't been this distracted by a person since I realized I was in love with Shinsou. Back then, I'd constantly think about him and find myself smiling at the thought of him.

Wait.

Wait a goddamn minute.

I stopped writing for a second when I came to the realization that the past is repeating itself. Absolutely not. I can't ... I refuse.

I squashed down the feelings and refused to even think of the 'L' word with Todoroki. I can't feel that again.
"Hey, Y/N!" Kirishima called out to me as I walked into the dorm. He was in the kitchen getting a snack with Bakugou.

"Oh, hey guys!" I greeted them with a smile.

"Want a snack?" Kirishima held up a bag of chips and I shook my head.

"Nah, I'm okay, thanks though!" I waved away the offer and turned around so I could return to the safety of my room.

"Wait! Why don't you hang out with us? It's been a while .... And we kinda miss you!" Kirishima scratched the back of his neck bashfully and I blushed at his sweet words. I mean, he's right. It's been a while since I hung out with him and Midoriya ... I've been spending most of my time either alone or with Todoroki. Wow, I'm a trash friend.

"Speak for yourself, Shitty Hair!" Bakugou growled at Kirishima.

"Oh, come on now Bakubro, you missed them!" Kiri teased with a smirk.

"NO, I DIDN'T!" Bakugou shouted as little explosions erupted from the palms of his hand. All I could do was watch this interaction from the other side of the counter. Bakugou shouting is the only constant variable in my life and I don't think I've ever been so grateful for his volatile temper.

"Aw, you missed me Bakugou? Didn't know you had a soft side," I felt bold and decided to tease back. Of course, that caused him to turn his anger on me, but I didn't flinch. I'm used to Bakugou by now and know better than anyone that he's all bark and no bite.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" he shouted as he put both of his hands on his on the counter facing me. I giggled as he glared at me, his crimson eyes full of fury. No matter how pissed off he is, he'd never hurt a single person. He threatens and shouts but that's all it is.

"You can be honest, it's okay," I chuckled, "I missed you guys too ... I'm sorry for being a pretty trash friend lately."

"Aww, you're not a trash friend! Don't even say that!" Kirishima reached over the counter to pet my head and I felt better having him say that.

"The fuck?! They neglect us and you're just over it? Well, I'm not!" Bakugou folded his arms over his chest and the smile on my face fell. Wow, I never heard Bakugou say something so sincere before. Now I really feel bad ... I made Bakugou feel neglected. I didn't even know he felt that way since he doesn't even talk to me, let alone made me feel that we were actual friends.

"Bakugou ... I'm sorry," I apologized softly with my hands placed on my chest. Walking around the counter, I pulled them both into a hug. Of course, Bakugou struggled, but for a single moment, I thought I felt him hug me back.

"Kiri too ... I'm sorry," looking up at Kirishima, I saw that he was blushing slightly.

"I forgive you," Kiri smiled, "Besides, you've been going through a hard time. I'd be feeling pretty shitty too if I saw my ex making out on the couch with the person he cheated with."

"Yeah... it's not a good time," I replied a bit awkwardly.

"Have you ... talked to them?" Kiri asked. I haven't opened Shinsou's messages since the day I texted him and I still haven't read any of Kaminari's messages. Both of them still message me every day, probably in the hopes that I'll actually respond.

"Well, I texted Shinsou a little bit ago," I let out a sigh and anticipating a story, Kirishima dragged Bakugou and me to the tables. We sat in the far corner of the room and when we were all situated, I started explaining.

"All I wanted was an explanation you know? So, I was finally ready to hear everything. However .... Apparently, they fell in love a few months after I found out Shinsou cheated," I told them the very short version and they looked so shocked.

"Wait ... months?!" Kirishima's jaw was on the floor and I nodded.

"His exact words were a few months. Isn't that crazy?" I shook my head as I let out a sigh.

"Damn, what a piece of shit," Kirishima glared at the table and I glanced at Bakugou who looked ... neutral? I'm not sure how to explain it. Like he looks pissed off, but calm at the same time? I think he's just taking all this in and trying to piece together his thoughts.

"Funny, Todoroki said the same thing," I chuckled and that's when BAkugou's eyes widened.

"No way that Icy-Hot cursed," Bakugou scoffed and I let out an actual laugh.

"I was so surprised too! So I made him say it again and he did not stutter!"

"I would have PAID to hear him say that," Kirishima joked.

"That scene plays rent-free in my frontal lobe," I pointed to my forehead and I saw Bakugou smile, only a little though.

"Listen ... I really mean it. I'm sorry for distancing myself from you guys," I got a little serious, "I spent a lot of time overthinking, you know? I mean, Kaminari was my best friend, my number one, and to know now that he went behind my back for a few months ... kinda ruined my ability to trust," I opened up to them a little bit and when I met their gazes, I only saw compassion and understanding.

"You don't have to explain it, we get it," Kirishima assured me.

"Don't do it again, nerd," Bakugou glared but looked away from me. I found that to be so endearing and I reached over the table to tousle his hair.

"Didn't know you could be so soft, Bakugou," I teased him to lighten the atmosphere and he growled.

"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME, YOU DAMN NERD!" Bakugou shouted and I could have sworn I saw smoke coming from his ears. Kirishima and I started laughing and I felt really good. Damn, I really do love these guys. Later that day, after spending a few hours catching up with Kirishima and Bakugou, I ended up going to Midoriya's door. I have to apologize to him the same way I apologized to the other two. I mean, he was the first one I told about all of this, and he wasted no time to comfort me.

When I made it to his door, I knocked a couple of times and he opened it after a few moments.

"Y/N! What's up?" Midoriya's smile grew as he saw me on the other side of the door and I smiled at his genuine reaction to seeing me.

"Hey! Can we ... talk for a minute?" I replied a bit awkwardly.

He nodded, "Yeah, come in," Midoriya moved out of the way and invited me in. You know, not gonna lie, his room makes me a tad bit uncomfortable. Don't get me wrong, it's adorable how much he idolizes All Might, but it feels like the pro hero's always watching me. His entire room is neatly organized with every All Might figurine, poster, stationary ... basically every single merch item that's available. I have to admit, I'm impressed by his collection, still though ... I can't help but squirm under the gazes of all All Might's eyes on us.

"I wanted to apologize," I said as I sat down on his bed while he sat in front of me at his desk, "I'm sorry for neglecting you and pushing you away when all you've done is try to cheer me up and help."

"You don't have to apologize, it's okay," Midoriya assured me with a smile but I shook my head. Even though he says I don't need to apologize, that makes me want to say it even more. Midoriya may be very chaotic at times, but he's emotional and feels so much. I know that I hurt him, no matter how hard he tries to hide it, I know I have. He's the type to do anything for his friends and the people he loves.

"But it's not though! You're so sweet to me and did everything you could to make me smile and I returned the favor by locking myself away ... I'm sorry," I raised my voice a little bit which surprised him, but he let out a laugh.

"Thank you ... I appreciate the apology, but you really don't have to. If anything, I'm sorry for being annoying," Midoriya's voice softened and I could tell he felt a bit bashful.

"You're not annoying. Not even close," I assured him as I leaned forward to give him a hug. He froze when my arms wrapped around his shoulders and I could tell he was flustered. Midoriya started to mumble and stutter in response to the sudden embrace and I found myself smiling at his adorable reaction. When I pulled away from him, his face was beet red all the way up to his ears and his eyes were wide. Aw, he's so cute.

"Listen to me, you're not annoying and you never will be annoying to me. I am so lucky to be able to call you a friend, I mean it," I gazed into his emerald eyes that were wavering and I stood up. He followed suit and I gave him a real hug this time. This time, he hugged me back, even though it was awkward. You know, even though I've been hurting for a while, I feel like Midoriya needed this hug more than I did. I'm well aware of what he's been through and he has a habit of putting others before himself. After a few moments, I started to pull away, but that's when he tightened his hold on me. Surprised, I didn't react right away, but then I relaxed and placed a hand on the back of his head. Midoriya's hair is so soft ... even though he has fluffy, curly hair, it's so light and silky.

"You okay?" I asked softly.

He nodded and took a deep breath before he pulled away from me, "Yeah ... are you?"

I chuckled, "I am now. You know you can rely on me too, right?"

"Y-yeah ... I know," Midoriya genuinely smiled and that alone was enough to cheer me up.

"Good! I'll see you later, okay?" I waved as I left his room and felt light as I walked through the halls. Today was actually a good day. It's the first real good day I've had in months. The first day where I was smiling practically all day. Wow ... I really am the luckiest person ever to have found such great friends.

For a few months, I've been swallowed by heavy darkness that's now starting to lighten all around me. I can finally see a light all the way at the end of the tunnel and now I know for sure that everything is going to be okay. However, that doesn't mean that the pain's gone away. Even though I've stopped crying myself to sleep, I still find myself shedding a few tears every now and then. Especially after seeing Shinsou and Kaminari together so happily. I don't know if what I feel is pure jealousy or just intense sadness ... maybe it's a little bit of both. It hurts so much seeing them as happy as can be as if they've completely forgotten about me. I know they haven't. They continue to text me at least once a day, so it's clear they still feel guilty.

I used to run to my room so I can get away from everyone, but now I stay behind and wait until the halls are empty before I walk to my room. Sometimes, Kirishima walks with me or Todoroki waits for me and we walk together. Midoriya's always running around like crazy so he's usually out the door the second class is dismissed. I've seen Bakugou leave the classroom but come back minutes later to check if I've left. He tries so hard not to let me know he cares, but then pouts and throws a fit when I ignore him or pretend I don't see him. I know he cares about his friends, so why does he try so hard to pretend he doesn't? I'm sure that's exhausting.

Anyway, today I didn't get to the dorms until late. I stayed behind to get some

extra help with my essay. I didn't plan on staying in the school a few hours after classes ended, but Present Mic got distracted easily and kept talking about random topics as we went through my essay. I have to admit, I did have fun. Even though I did get a bit frustrated when he started talking about something else.

By the time I made it back to the dorms, the sun was setting, tinging the campus in a blanket of orange. I was exhausted, and all I wanted to do was have some dinner, take a shower, and fall asleep. The only thing keeping me going was knowing that it's officially the weekend and I don't have to wake up early.

"Y/N! Where have you been?" Kirishima shouted from the table as I walked into the common room. He was hanging out with Sero and Bakugou having dinner when I arrived.

"Hey, guys! I was with Present Mic," I let out a sigh as I walked toward them. Out

of the corner of my eye, I saw Kaminari snuggling up against Shinsou in front of the TV. However, when they heard my name being called out, their heads perked up and in a panic, they separated. I pretended not to notice as I sat beside Sero, my back facing the couches.

"Present Mic?" Sero tilted his head to the side and I nodded.

"Yeah, I had a few questions about my essay since his notes and comments are

impossible to read," I chuckled and they all understood.

"You hungry? We saved you some dinner!" Kirishima grinned and I nodded.

"Yes, please!" I felt touched by their kindness and wasting no time, Kirishima

quickly made his way to the kitchen where he pulled a warm plate from the oven.

"Feels like forever since we had dinner together," Sero pointed out as he smiled warmly.

"Aw, I know! Let's eat together more often!" I suggested and his already big smile

grew even wider. Kirishima returned a few moments later and plated a bowl of ramen in front of me.

"Wow, this looks great! Thank you," the delicious smell already made me feel better and I started eating right away. From the satisfied look on Bakugou's face, I can tell that he's the one who actually cooked it. I was aware he knew how to cook, but I didn't know he was this talented. If he didn't have that terrible temper, he'd be the perfect friend.

"So ... how are you holding up, Buttercup?" Sero asked as he nudged my shoulder gently. Buttercup? That's new. He usually calls me Cielo or Flor, but I kinda like Buttercup ... it's cute.

I shrugged, "I'm doing better. It still sucks seeing them like that every day but ... you know," I said quietly, subtly gesturing toward the happy couple on the green couches and for a split second, everyone at the table glanced back at them. Bakugou glared but he's always glaring at someone, but Kirishima and Sero had a very displeased expression on their faces. It's unusual to see Sero without his signature smile, and seeing anger in his eyes was unsettling.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm okay," I smiled as I put a gentle hand on his shoulder, and seeing my genuine expression resulted in his thousand-watt smile returning to his face.

"You're pretty strong, you know?" Sero let out a dry laugh as he went back to his dinner and I sighed.

"I don't think so. If I was, I wouldn't have broken the way I did," My voice came out softer than I intended. I mean it's true, right? If I wasn't so weak, and dependent on Shinsou and Kaminari, then I wouldn't have reacted the way I did. If I was just a bit stronger, I would have recovered quicker, but I'm weak and therefore broke. Shattered. The larger pieces are getting put together over time, but it's the little shards that are still missing. The obvious cracks aren't glued together yet, so if I were to break again ... who knows if the shards would ever fit.
"Don't say that! That's not true," Kirishima raised his voice a bit which caused everyone in the common room to look in our direction.

"Kiri, settle down!" I whispered trying to calm him down. Seeing that all eyes were on him, he blushed and cleared his throat.

"Sorry ... but that's not true," he repeated with a much softer voice. I appreciated his sentiment, but I'm not going to pretend I'm this strong person for going through what I went through. I got cheated on and I acted as though the world ended.

I let out a self-deprecating laugh and looked down at the hot bowl of ramen in front of me, "Guys, I'm not blind you know? I'm well aware of my own strengths and weaknesses. I allowed myself to become so dependent on them that it destroyed me when they hurt me. That wouldn't have happened if I was just a little bit stronger."

"They're right, Shitty Hair. No point in sugarcoating it," Bakugou responded nonchalantly with his arms folded over his chest as he leaned back in the chair.

"Bakugou! Stop being so fucking rude!" Kirishima glared at him and looked so shocked that he's acting this way.

"He's not being rude. Bakugou is being honest. I can't handle any more lies ... so I don't care how harsh the truth is, I'll take that over a stupid lie any day," I stood up for Bakugou and Kiri let out a sad sigh.

"I'm not lying, Y/N. When I say you're strong, I mean it," Kirishima's crimson eyes bored into mine and I blushed under the intensity.

"He's right, Buttercup. I know I wouldn't be okay if my best friend stole my boyfriend," A bitter tone to Sero's voice brought my attention away from Kirishima and I watched him angrily consume ramen.

I let out a small sigh, "Well, that's all in the past and I'm' just trying to get my life back together. Also ... you could ease up on the honesty just a tad Bakugou," I smirked at Bakugou and he rolled his eyes. The atmosphere got lighter once I made a joke and we had a peaceful dinner.

Afterward, I decided to invite them over to my dorm so we could hang out a little longer. I even invited Midoriya and Todoroki so they wouldn't feel left out. Sero then invited Mina who brought the other girls. I'm surprised that most of the class was able to fit into my room, but it felt nice for my space to be filled with lively laughs and conversation instead of my muffled tears and heavy sighs.

Mina suggested we play a few games and then watch a movie. Of course, everyone agreed and we played a few card games. Bakugou got heated a few times because he was convinced that not only Kirishima was cheating, but that Midoriya was also playing unfairly. He's such a sore loser, he'd accuse anyone of cheating if they were winning. But that's just the kind of person he is.

A few riveting card games later, everyone fought over what movie to watch for about 20 minutes before choosing to pick a name out of a hat. However, before the movie was put on, everyone decided to get themselves ready for bed. I had a few minutes of peace while I put on my pj's and brushed my teeth. But then everyone came back and they even brought their own pillows and blankets. Sero and Kirishima also brought a ton of snacks.

When the movie was getting set up, I got cozy in my bed with Midoriya and Todoroki on either side of me. Bakugou was sitting at the foot of my bed with Kirishima, Sero, Mina, and the others on the floor with blankets and pillows. I have a feeling this is turning into a sleepover and to be honest, I'm not mad about it. It's been forever since someone slept over and I missed that feeling.

Halfway into the movie, I started to pass out. I wasn't the only one though. Bakugou could barely keep his eyes open, Midoriya was already asleep and Todoroki was nodding off too. It's times like these where I'm grateful I brought my queen-sized bed from my room back home. Midoriya, Torodoki, and I fit comfortably and if Bakugou wanted to lay down with us, he'd be able to fit in just fine.

Since Midoriya was already asleep, I tucked him in beside me and made sure he was covered before grabbing a spare pillow and placing it at the foot of my bed for Bakugou to use. He was too tired to fight me, so when I gently pulled him down, he complied and I covered him with a blanket. The second his head hit the pillow, he passed out and I couldn't help but smile.
By the time the movie was over, I was the only one left awake. Careful not to disturb anyone, I slipped out of bed and turned off the TV before checking that everyone is covered with a blanket. It's so cute how Kirishima is snoring softly, sprawled out on the floor, his arm draped over Sero's stomach, who's laying down on the plush rug that decorated the floor. Mina and Urarka were snuggling with Momo and Jirou ... I have to admit, they're all so cute.

I crawled back to my spot in between Midoriya and Todoroki. However, before I got too comfortable, I felt Bakugou twitch at the end of the bed. Hm? Is he okay? It was dark in the room, so I couldn't see him move, but I felt him start to restlessly twist and turn.

"Away .... Get away ..." Bakugou mumbled in his sleep and that's when it registered that he was having a nightmare. It looks like a pretty bad one with how he's moving around ... should I wake him up?

"Bakugou ...?" I called out his name softly and I gently nudged his arm. He didn't react to my touch though. I tried again but nudged a little harder and that's when bolted up and hyperventilated.

"Hey, hey! You're okay!" I rushed over to his side and tried to calm him down.

"W-what?" Bakugou's voice was full of panic and I reached for my phone where the screen lit up and covered us in a soft glow.

"You're safe, you're okay ..." I continued to reassure him as I rubbed his arm, and the second he remembered that he was in my room, he relaxed a little. He was still breathing heavily and he wiped the sweat from his forehead.

"Wanna talk about it?" I suggested quietly.

"Fuck off ..." Bakugou growled as he turned away from me and ripped his arm away from my hand. I was a bit hurt by his reaction, but I didn't think too much of it since Bakugou isn't one for 'feelings'.

"Okay," I didn't fight it and went back to my spot. I pulled the covers over me and made sure that both Todoroki and Midoriya were covered before I laid down.

"....sorry," Bakugou's voice was a mere whisper but I was able to hear his attempt at an apology. He even scooted closer to us as he tried to go back to sleep.

"Me too," I whispered back as I settled in. I know I really don't have a reason to apologize, but I am aware of his boundaries and I think I crossed one when I asked if he wanted to talk about it. Not just that, but when I tried to comfort him, I think I also crossed a line.

I curled myself up into a ball, fully aware of the bodies on either side of me. The familiar warmth of another body in the bed brought back a nostalgic feeling that was both comforting, yet depressing. My chest tightened and I felt a lump form in my throat. Fuck, why now? Why am I getting emotional now? Just get over it already. I pushed away those depressing thoughts and swallowed the negative emotions. Taking a deep breath, I regained my composure. Closing my eyes, I focused on the happy memories that were created a few hours ago and I couldn't help but smile.

I woke up a few hours later to the feeling of the bed shifting. Hm, is Shinsou having a nightmare again? The thought crossed my mind and my eyes opened wide. Why did I think that? I scolded myself for thinking about Shinsou, but the bed continued to move, bringing my attention to the source. It wasn't coming from Bakugou, it was coming to the right side of the bed. The side that's against the wall. I had my back facing that side of the bed and when I flipped over, I noticed that Midoriya was having a nightmare. He was panting, his head moving frantically from side to side ...

"... Midoriya? Hey .... You're okay," I whispered as I held his hand. Unlike Bakugou, the second I touched Midoriya, he relaxed. His breathing slowed down and I was relieved to know his nightmare was going away without me having to wake him up. Poor guys ... they've been through so much, I can only imagine how terrifying their nightmares are. No wonder why Bakugou goes to sleep so early, he doesn't get any proper rest having nightmares like that. And Midoriya ... he pushes himself so hard probably to overcome his fears. He fights those battles alone, but this time he had me to comfort him and now hopefully he'll get a full night's rest.

Afraid to let go of his hand, I flipped over to my back so I could still comfort him while I slept. I'm surprised Todoroki doesn't have nightmares with everything he's had to go through ... I mean maybe he does but he doesn't show it. Just in case, I held his hand too and was surprised by how warm it was. You know, I have a feeling I'm not going to get much sleep tonight ...
As expected, I didn't get more than a few hours of sleep. I kept waking up to make sure that Bakugou and Midoriya weren't having any nightmares. I remember doing that for Shinsou when he had a bad nightmare, so it was oddly comforting.

It wasn't until about 10 in the morning that everyone started to stir. Todoroki was the first one, besides me, to wake up and when he realized we were holding hands, his face flushed. He didn't try to pull his hand away though ...

"Good morning, Todoroki," I whispered.

"Good morning ..." he responded bashfully. Feeling a bit awkward, I reluctantly let go of his hand and brought up to my head where I straightened out my hair for a moment. Turning my head to the left, I glanced at Midoriya who had just started to wake up. His round emerald eyes blinking to adjust to the amount of light in the room. I could tell his vision was blurry since he squinted at his surroundings. It wasn't until he squeezed his hand that he froze for a moment. It took him a minute to register the fact that he was holding my hand and the panic that ensued made my morning. Midoriya's face turned bright red and he frantically let go of my hand.

"I-I'm sorry!" his morning voice was adorable and I smiled as I tried to calm him down.

"It's okay!" I assured him and when he relaxed I started to explain, "You were

having a nightmare and when I held your hand, the bad dream seemed to go away ... so I just didn't let go."

"O-oh ... thank you," he couldn't look me in the eyes but he seemed a little grateful for the relief from the bad dream. I flipped over and faced Midoriya who had his back against the wall.

"Do you always have nightmares? That dream looked pretty scary with the way you were sweating and breathing ..." I asked softly, careful not to wake up the others. In response to my question, Midoriya let out a shaky sigh and looked away.

"Y-yeah ... they're intense," he didn't say anything else and I didn't pry anymore.

"I'm sorry ..." I didn't know what else to say and offered a small smile.

"Do you ... have nightmares?" Midoriya asked shyly.

I shrugged, "Well, I wouldn't call them nightmares, but I definitely have more sad dreams that happy ones."

"Sad dreams?" Todoroki whispered. I flipped over to lay down on my back so I was able to talk to both of them without being rude.

"Yeah, but it's okay. They're not that bad," I shrugged it off, but they both looked at me with sad eyes.

"Mornin' guys!" Kirishima's chipper voice distracted me from the conversation for a moment. His cheery greeting was met with groans from the others.

"Morning already?" Momo yawned as she stretched.

"What time is it?" Uraraka asked as she rubbed her eyes.

"It's almost 10:45 in the morning," I answered.

"Whoa, we really slept in," Sero's sleep voice was raspy as he ran his hand through his straight hair.

"Oi, Bakugou! Wake up!" Kirishima said with a mischievous smile on his face. Afraid of Bakugou breaking something, I stopped Kirishima in his tracks.

"Hold on, I'll wake him up before you do something that'll make him blow up my room."

"Fair enough," Kirishima chuckled as he gave up on his attempt to wake up the angry firework, "Alright, I'm gonna go get ready for breakfast!"

"Yeah, me too! I'll meet you guys in the common room!" Mina stood up and soon it was just me and Bakugou in the room. I got out of bed and went to go take a shower. I'm sure he didn't sleep enough since he had that nightmare, so I figured I'd let him sleep some more. By the time I got out of the shower, Bakugou was sprawled out on my bed.

Smiling, I rolled my eyes and sat on the edge of the bed as I nudged him.

"Bakugou? Hey, wake up," I continued to nudge his shoulder and he groaned as he started to wake up.

"Ugh, leave me alone ... fucking dumbass," Bakugou flipped over to his side away from me and I rolled my eyes.

"Come on, everyone already left to get ready for breakfast ... well brunch now," I squeezed his shoulder and he complained.

"Get out of my room!" He growled as he glared at me from over his shoulder.

"Uh ... Bakugou? You're in my room ...." That seemed to have gotten his attention since his eyes opened and he sat up looking around as if he was lost.

"Oh ... right. My bad," he replied after he regained his bearings.

I chuckled at his confused expression, "It's okay ... did you sleep well?" I asked as I got up and straightened up the room a little bit.

"I guess so," he swung his legs over the side of the bed and began to stretch.

"That's good. Everyone's meeting in the common room for brunch so ... I'll see you in a bit," I waved as I left Bakugou in my room. He's such a weirdo, but he's got his charming moments.
I don't remember the last time I had this much fun with everyone ... I guess the last time would have been at the arcade. Everyone was laughing and I felt ... really happy. I feel closer to them now and I know that my bond strengthened with Bakugou, Kiri, Midoriya, and Todoroki. Those guys are my real friends. I don't know if I could call them my best friends, that title puts a bitter taste in my mouth.

After a lively brunch, I left the common and went to my room to actually clean it. I made my bed, straightened out the plush rug, and vacuumed. I folded the extra blankets and went to put them away when I noticed a bundle of hoodies pressed against the back of the closet. Curious, I pulled them out and remembered that Shinsou gave me a few of his sweaters so that I could feel closer to him when I wasn't able to be with him. He gave me his favorite black hoodie that had an embroidered cat silhouette on the left-hand side toward the top. I loved this hoodie. It was so soft and cozy ... I remember I gave it back to him a few times so he could wear it and make it smell like him again. And it still does. It's been a few months and the hoodie still smells like him. Fuck ... he really does smell good.

I stood in front of my closet holding this piece of clothing and just staring at it for who knows how long. I know I have to give these back to him, but when? Do I just fold them and place them in front of Kaminari's door? Or do I walk the familiar path to Shinsou's dorm and set them in front of his door? For now, I'll just wash them and put them back into the closet. Out of sight ... out of mind for now.

When my room was all clean, I felt a lot better. I opened a window and let in the fresh air to help bring some freshness into my room. Besides, It's a pretty nice day outside, so might as well, right? Now ... what do I do for the rest of the day? I don't have any work to do since I did it during the school day, so I didn't have to worry about studying or homework.

Well ... I could catch up on a few of the shows I'm watching ... or I could take a nap. Yeah ... a nap sounds really good actually. Then I could do some laundry and do something more productive.

As I got ready to take a nap, my door opened, and Bakugou walked in as if he owned the place. Good thing I had decent clothes on, I'd be mortified if he walked in while I was changing or something.

"Uh, hey Bakugou. What's up?" I greeted him awkwardly and I continued to climb into bed.

"Listen, I'm only going to say this once. SO YOU BETTER FUCKING PAY ATTENTION!" he plopped down on the chair at my desk and folded his arms over his chest.

"Okay ...?"

Bakugou sighed a bit dramatically and finally met my gaze, "... thanks."

Uh ... that's it? All that drama just for a 'thanks'? Also ... thanks for what? It's very unlike him to acknowledge someone's kindness, let alone actually verbally appreciate it.

"Um ... you're welcome," I replied a bit in shock.

"Also ... sorry .... For pushing you away last night," his voice was a lot softer and I was silent for a moment.

"Don't worry about it ... it's okay," I assured him, but he still had a look of dissatisfaction on his face, "I mean it. It's okay."

I smiled at him and he looked away again. I'm amazed that Bakugou actually admitted that he was sorry. Not once, but twice now! Just that little word alone is enough for me. When he says sorry, it's special since he never, ever says it.

"If you EVER tell anyone I was soft with you, I'll blow you up into a million fucking pieces!" Bakugou threatened and I let out a laugh. There he is. There's the Bakugou we all know and love.

"I promise," I brushed off his threat and when he was a little calmer, he stood up and walked off leaving me alone in my room once again.

Laying down, I couldn't help but feel cold. Even though I was covered by soft, fleece blankets, I felt a slight chill. I turned my head to either side of me and I thought back to how safe I felt having someone sleep beside me. Fuck, I was just getting used to sleeping alone, and now that I had a small taste of what it felt like to have another body beside me ... it's like I'm starting from square one. I know that it was two of my friends but I still felt reassured having them there.

Alright, I need to get some sleep in. My mind needs to stop working and give me a moment just to be content with myself. Why am I so dependent on others? Why can't I just be happy by myself? Alone? I don't need someone ... So why do I feel like I need them?
After a long nap, I woke up in a dark room. Soft light from my laptop monitor covered my desk in a soft blue glow and I lazily rubbed my eyes. What time is it? I still feel sleepy. Letting out a groan, I checked my phone, the brightness giving me an instant headache. Squinting, I worked fast to lower the brightness to a comfortable level and saw that it was almost 6 PM. Holy shit ... I slept the entire day away. I must have really been exhausted.

I need to get up, I have to do laundry and tire myself out so I could sleep tonight. Sighing, I hopped out of bed and gathered my dirty clothes in the hamper before I went to the laundry room and started a cycle. Well, now I have about an hour before I have to come back and put the clothes in the dryer ... what do I do now? I walked back to my room and stood in the center of my room with my hands on my hips just looking around for something to do. Then, my phone lit up, and expecting a text from one of my friends, I opened it without even reading who the text was from. Imagine my confusion when I saw a bunch of unread texts ... all of them reading, 'I'm sorry' and 'I'm so sorry'. Oh ... I opened Kaminari's texts. Fuck.

I could feel his desperation in his messages and reading the apologies over and over made me angry. So, I decided to text back.

'ENOUGH! PLEASE, THAT'S ENOUGH! HOW CAN I POSSIBLY TRY TO MOVE ON WHEN YOU CONSTANTLY MESSAGE ME?! I know you're sorry. But that doesn't change or fix what happened. For fucks sake, you were MY person!' I frantically texted him hoping to get the message across.

'You finally answered!!! Please, hear me out!' Not even a full minute later, I received a response and I rolled my eyes. What narrative is he trying to write out? He hasn't even bothered to try and understand how I feel. Everything has been about him. How he was sorry and how he wants me to hear him out. But what about me?! I'm the one who's suffered the most and this motherfucker is only thinking about himself!

'NO. YOU ALREADY SAID YOUR PIECE, NOW IT'S MY TURN! Don't you understand how hurt and betrayed I feel by what you did??? Of course, Shinsou hurt me too, but it hurt a thousand times worse knowing you were the one he cheated on me with. You were supposed to be MY person. My best friend, my number one supporter; there for me no matter what ... I told you everything. I told you how much I loved SHinsou, how perfect I thought he was. I thought I met the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. The one I was going to marry. You sat there listening to me gush about him with a goofy smile on your face, so happy that I was hopelessly in love with this man! You helped me plan date nights and you were there to listen when I was feeling insecure. And in the end, you went behind my back FOR MONTHS! GOD, I WANT TO HATE YOU SO BAD BUT I CAN'T! I hate that I still care about you. I hate that I still love you and Shinsou.' I angrily typed out all the pent up emotions that have been built up over time. I made so many typos that I had to go back and fix before I hit send. Typing out that novel felt so relieving but I still haven't released anywhere near the amount of anger I've accumulated.

'I KNOW!! DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW WHAT I DID?! Y/N I KNOW HOW BAD I HURT YOU AND I KNOW THAT I CAN'T TAKE IT BACK!!!' it took a few minutes for him to read and respond, but I wasn't surprised that he replied selfishly. I took a deep breath and took a moment before I responded.

'Shinsou was my everything ... you knew that. I did everything I could to be the best partner for him. You knew that. You were there for the start of it and who knew you were how it would end. When I walk through the halls at school or even go into the common room, I see you and Shinsou as happy as can be. How can I be expected to get over this when you're flaunting him in front of me ... like you're showing off the fact that you won. You got what you wanted. You're with the man that you love; you did it. And the kicker is, is that he loves you too. I'm doing everything I possibly can to move on and be happy that you're both happy. But I can't when I'm reminded every second that my best friend replaced me.' Sadness replaced the anger I was feeling and I felt overwhelmed. I just want him to understand how I've been feeling. That he didn't just hurt me, he broke me. He snapped me in half when he was supposed to be the one to make sure I stayed put together. What really perplexes me, is how he was able to pretend to be on my side. Didn't he feel guilty? From what I can tell, he only feels guilty because he got caught. I mean, what else am I supposed to think?

'It's not like that ... Firefly you know I'd never do that! I'm so sorry, I didn't realize that's how I was acting. Both of us love you so much.' Kaminari responded. I rolled my eyes. How could he not have put my feelings into consideration? How could he not have known that's how I would interpret his actions? Not just me, but the reactions of the rest of the class? He didn't notice something wrong with his actions?

'You don't. If you did love me, you wouldn't have gotten together with Shinsou the second we broke up. That's honestly so fucked up! It's like you just waited for me to get out of the picture!' I felt like screaming at this point. I just wish he'd understand what I went through.

'Y/N ... please come to my room so we can talk this out. Please! I don't care if you scream at me, hit me, yell at me, curse me out ... I just need to see you.' I reread his message a few times and bit my lip and my eyes blurred with tears. Should I? Should I actually just talk to him in person? The thought of talking to him fills me with every emotion known to man and I'm just sitting here conflicted. I don't want him to see me so distraught ... and I don't want to see him breaking apart. All the memories I have of him are happy ones. Kaminari laughing at something funny he saw online, or just Kaminari smiling at nothing. I don't want those memories to be replaced with ones of him in tears. But ... I know that talking it out would be better for both of us.

'Kaminari ...'

'I need you in my life. I know I fucked up and I don't deserve you, but please ..'

I shook my head and let the tears fall from my eyes. I don't know what to do. What should I do?

'I uh ... I don't know.' I decided to be honest and I brushed the tears away from my face. I tossed my phone beside me and buried my face in my hands. My phone buzzed a few times and I waited a few minutes before picking it up.

'I need to tell you everything in person. Please give me the opportunity.' He's right ... texting him all of this isn't working. It's not right either. I think it's been long enough ... I think it's time we actually talk things out.

'Okay .... Okay fine. I'll come to your room later tonight.' I sent the message and felt my stomach twist into a knot. I suddenly felt nauseous and I didn't understand why. Why the fuck am I so dramatic? It's just Kaminari.

I forced myself to take a few deep breaths and paced the length of my room. Running my hand through my hair, I jumped a little bit when the alarm on my phone went off. Oh ... the laundry. I was grateful for the reminder and went back to the laundry room to move my clothes from the washers to the dryers. The little distraction was needed and I felt a bit calmer by the time I finished. When I set a new alarm on my phone, I decided it was either now or never.

I walked past my room and stood in front of Kaminari's door.

Standing in front of his door, I couldn't help but feel like I'm making some sort of mistake. I mean it's not too late ... I can always turn around and head back to my room.

Stupid.

I'm so fucking stupid.

Why did I agree to go to Kaminari's room? What on earth made me say that? I started pacing back and forth in the hallway psyching myself up to confront him in person. We talked through text and I finally released some of the pent up anger and grief that's been plaguing me, but it wasn't enough.

I haven't talked to Kaminari in months. I hardly ever look at him because when I do ... when I see him, my heart breaks all over again. Especially now that he's always with Shinsou ... I can't bear it. Okay, okay wait. I can do this. I need to do this. If I overcome this, that's one step closer to overcoming the entire situation.

"Okay ... I can do this. We're just going to have a conversation ..." I said under my breath. I had so many mixed feelings as I lifted my arm to knock on the door. I took a deep breath and shut my eyes as I knocked three times. From the other side, I heard muffled shuffling and a few moments later, the door opened.

For the first time in a while, I was face to face with Denki Kaminari. His honey-colored eyes widened when he saw me, and upon closer observation, he had dark circles under his eyes and they were irritated. His face looked a little thinner too ...

"H-hey!" He greeted me after a second of hesitation and all that anger I had built up, all that frustration ... just vanished. My heart ached at the state he was in and my entire demeanor softened. Oh, Kaminari ...

"...Can I come in?" I asked in a soft voice.

"Yeah, yeah please," Kaminari blinked a few times before stepping aside to invite me in. Inside the familiar room, I sat down on his bed and he took a seat at the chair by his desk. I looked around for a moment and noticed that it was messier than usual. Surprisingly, he's kind of a neat person. From the outside, his room may seem chaotic, but everything has a spot.

We sat in silence for a few minutes before I sighed. What do I even say? How do I start this conversation?

"Kaminari ..." I started to speak but a lump formed in my throat and I couldn't say anything else. This is too much ...

"I'm so sorry!" Kaminari broke the silence; his voice cracked and tears fell from his eyes. I wanted so bad to reach over and wipe his tears away ... and tell him that it'll be okay but if I do that, then what does that say about me? That it's okay to break me as long as you say sorry? I need more respect for myself. Not just that, but I need him to understand that crying and saying sorry doesn't fix the mistakes.

Before, whenever Kaminari got overwhelmed and emotional, I would always brush away his tears and hold him close. He responds better to touch than words, so I always comforted him by showing affection.

"I know," I said in a surprisingly clear voice, "I know how sorry you are. You tell me every day. Let me ask you something. Would you forgive me if I kissed your partner and then dated them right away? If I betrayed you the way you did me ... would you forgive me?" I tilted my head and he took a deep breath. My voice cracked when I asked the second question and I felt my hands clench into fists.

"No ... I wouldn't," he replied after a moment of thought as he sniffled. Seeing him cry stirred up my emotions and I didn't know what to feel. How can I care about him so much when he hurt me like this? Why do I want to hug him so badly? He doesn't deserve my kindness ... So why do I want to give it to him? Does that make me a fool?

I moved my legs so I was sitting cross-legged on his bed and folded my hands together, "I can't forgive you. I really can't. I won't, I refuse. What you and Shinsou did ... was brutal and unforgivable. You two broke me. I lost the ability to trust others, I mean how can I when my best friend and the man I loved betrayed me like this?" I started to tear up and I quickly bit my cheek to avoid crying. I looked away from him, focusing my eyes on my hands that were folded together on my lap.

"It's not just the trust ... I blamed myself. I wasn't good enough for Shinsou, or I did something wrong that gave him no other choice but to find comfort in someone else-"

"No, Firefly, no! That was never the case. This is our fault, not yours. We made the mistake ... don't blame yourself," Kaminari let out a sob and moved from his seat so he was kneeling in front of me. He took my hands in his and I sat there in shock for a moment. Kaminari's hands were cold and they felt ... frail.

"I don't hate you ... I don't hate Shinsou. I hate what you did to me," I squeezed his hands and I let the tears flow from my eyes, "Why didn't you tell me you fell in love with him? Why couldn't you both tell me that you loved each other? I told you everything, I trusted you with my entire soul, so why couldn't you do the same?!" I raised my voice slightly as my frustration increased but I refused to let go of his hands. I needed to hold them ... they grounded me in this situation and I wanted him to know that I was right here, and for right now I wasn't going anywhere.

"We were scared ... we didn't know what to do," Kaminari sounded defeated and he clenched his jaw, "I never wanted to split you two up. That was never my intention, please believe me," he pleaded. I gazed into his wavering eyes and I saw nothing but sincerity and genuine pain. How can he look at me like that? How dare he look at me like that.

"But to get together so quickly? Can't you see how fucked that is?!" I started to get angry again and he rested his forehead on the edge of the bed as if in prayer.

"I know how bad it looks. We were selfish. When you and Shinsou officially broke up, I was there for him and it just felt like the natural thing to do," Kaminari explained himself but my eyes widened in shock. So he was there for everything. His first instinct was to be by his side and leave me in the dust. What the actual fuck. Instead of coming to me, and trying to explain himself, he ran to Shinsou's side and stayed there. Like a loyal puppy.

"What the fuck Kaminari. You really are a piece of shit," my voice was soft, but the venom that came with it was strong, "You put him first ..." I shook my head and he lifted his head.

"I know. I know I'm the worst and I'm sorry. I am so fucking sorry and I don't know what to do," his raw voice was hoarse from the sobs and his eyebrows were furrowed.

"Did you even think about me? About what that would do to me?!" My throat started to sting from trying to keep my voice down and he shook his head. God, I wanted to scream at him so bad. My voice went up an octave trying to keep the volume the same which ended up hurting my vocal cords. I cleared my throat but that didn't make it any better.

"No ... we were selfish. Firefly ... please, I can't stand to see you so hurt. I know

it's wrong of me to say that. But I need to make things right," Kaminari's voice was raw and I could feel how much disdain and regret he has. He's a broken record at this point ... he's been repeated himself for months. He says he can't stand to see me so hurt, but he's the one who did this to me. My conflicted heart was breaking all over again. I know I shouldn't, he doesn't deserve it but I need to put myself in his shoes. I was blinded by my own pain to realize that he's been suffering too. I mean just look at him ... his face is thinner ... those adorable round cheeks of his were a bit sunken. Kaminari's skin was paler, and his eyes were a bit sunken as if he hasn't gotten any sleep in weeks. Seeing him like this ... really hurts. He deserves to suffer as much as I have but ... I think he's suffered enough. Just like I have ... we need to get over this hurdle and get ourselves back. Right now, at this very moment, I don't care what happened. I'm focusing on what I see in front of me and that's someone who's clearly in pain.

In a moment of weakness and self-indulgence, I gently let go of his hands and let out a sigh as I gently brushed away the tears that fell from his eyes. Shocked, his eyes widened but he didn't pull away from me.

"You can't ..." my voice was barely audible as I placed a hand on his cheek. Kaminari leaned into my hand and he seemed to have officially broken. His sobs got louder as if the weight of his choices finally crashed down on his shoulders.

"Something like this ... is almost impossible to come back from. Maybe one day we can be friends again but for now ... I can't," I spoke as softly as possible. I hate this. I hate seeing him in so much pain. Regardless of what he put me through ... no one deserves to feel so broken, so empty. Especially someone as goofy and bubbly as Kaminari. He was literally my ray of sunshine and now ... there's nothing warm about him. I continued to brush away his tears, but it wasn't enough.

I sighed, "Come here," I gave in my heart and opened my arms.

"H-huh?" Kaminari sniffled as he looked up at me with confusion.

"Hurry up, I'm not gonna repeat myself," I smirked slightly and he didn't hesitate as he threw himself at me. I almost fell over but I hugged him back tightly. He cried into my shoulder and his entire body trembled. I missed his embrace ... I missed him. I hugged him just as tight as he hugged me and I nuzzled my face in his shoulder.

"You'll be okay. I know you will be. You're a strong person, Kaminari ... and you have Shinsou supporting you now," I said with a slight smile. I didn't intend to say that but it just felt right. I felt something click into place and I knew that I'd be okay. Kaminari needs Shinsou ... and Shinsou needs Kaminari. Right now that thought doesn't upset me. I pulled away after a few moments and held his face with my hands.

"Give me some time, okay? Let me heal from this ... and when I'm ready, I'll decide if I want to start over. We're still classmates, so I know I can't avoid you forever," I tried to sound positive for his sake and he managed to calm down. His sobs quieted down and I hugged him again. I rubbed his back as he continued to cry on my shoulder. I soothed him as best as I could while also consoling myself. I mean, this is all for the best. This ... this is the closure I needed. I think he needed this more than I did.

"Listen to me ... I will always love you, okay? Despite everything .... Despite the mistakes you made, the love I have for you is forever," I spoke softly in his ear. I meant every word too. I know I'm too soft for my own good, but I can't help it. When it comes to Denki Kaminari, we have too many good memories ... the soft spot I have for him is too big for me to just abandon him when he's clearly hurting. And besides ... he's had to go through this basically all by himself. Everyone turned their back on him. Meanwhile, I had everyone's support. Knowing that I can't let him go just yet.

"I'm so sorry ... I don't deserve you," he cried, "I should have told you ..." Kaminari repeated over and over again. I held him tighter to me and ran my fingers through his yellow hair.

"You really should have ... but don't worry about that now. It's in the past and we have to move on, okay?" I held the back of his head and tried to sound at least a little positive for his sake. At the end of the day, we're just kids. We're going to make mistakes, some worse than others but the important thing is that we learn from them. I have a pretty big feeling Kaminari and Shinsou will never forget about this. I know for a fact I never will.

"Could you ever forgive me?" Kaminari's voice was hoarse and soft, pain laced through his words and I felt my bottom lip start to quiver.

"I don't know ... Denki, I don't know," I kept it honest and his body seemed to go limp in my arms. I felt his pain as if it was my own and I wanted nothing more than just to take it all away. The pain I was in was intense and overwhelming but It's been lessening over time. With the help of my friends, the hurt started to melt away. But Kaminari ... I don't think his pain ever lightened.

"Y/N ...."

"Shh, you'll be okay," I cooed, leaning my head against his that was still on my shoulder. Kaminari moved his arms that were around my shoulders, down to my waist and I shifted back further in the bed to make us more comfortable.

"Denki, I-" a voice I didn't expect to hear anytime soon filled the room and when I turned my head towards the door, I saw Shinsou standing dumbfounded in the doorway. Oh shit. Oh no, I did NOT sign up for this. The second I laid eyes on him my body froze for a moment and I forgot how to breathe. Wait, when did he get here?! I didn't even notice the door open and shut ..... Why now? Couldn't he have waited until I left to just randomly appear? I wasn't mentally prepared for this ... I can't help but feel punked .. bamboozled ....

"Come in and close the door," Kaminari spoke to him but he didn't let me go. Of course, he invited him in. Now, what am I supposed to do? I can't just pretend he isn't there. Fuck. Now he's going to want to talk to me and explain himself and I genuinely don't want to hear it right now.

"Kitty ..." Shinsou whispered as he closed the door and cautiously walked toward me. My heart caught in my throat and I forced myself to take a deep breath. I felt a bit uncomfortable having Kaminari latched onto my body with Shinsou just staring at me.

"H-hey ..." I greeted awkwardly. Now what? I tried to pull away from Kaminari but he tightened his hold on me.

"No ... not yet. Please ..." He pleaded in my ear and I let out a sigh. He sounded a bit panicked when he felt my arms loosen around him.

"Fine, fine," I gave up and continued to hold him, stroking his hair soothingly. I felt a small smile play on my lips as I continued to soothe my dull ray of sunshine. However, Shinsou was just there, watching from the desk, unsure of what to do, or what to say. He was caught just as off guard as I was.

"Are you ... doing okay?" I asked Shinsou hesitantly. He looked so stunned that I was looking at him, let alone actually talking to him.

He blinked a few times before scratching the back of his neck, "I should be asking you that," he replied.

"I'm surprisingly okay ... I'm uh ... trying to move on," I shrugged a little as I continued to hold Kaminari.

"I know you're sick of hearing this, but I'm sorry. I'm so truly sorry," Shinsou's voice cracked and I shook my head refusing to hear anymore.

"No. Absolutely not. I can only deal with one crying person at a time and right now it's his turn," I gestured to Kaminari who continued to hold me and Shinsou smiled a little. There was a relief in his eyes when he saw my attempt at lightening the atmosphere in the room.

"Fair enough," Shinsou took a deep breath, "So ... when's my turn?" He asked lightly.

"I don't know ... but I will say this. I don't hate you. I never have and I never will. Despite everything... despite all the hurt ... I still love you ... Kaminari too," I started to choke up but I refused to cry anymore. At the sound of my voice cracking, Kaminari snuggled closer to me and held me tighter.

"Don't cry ..." he whispered against my neck.

"W-what can I do to fix this?" Shinsou stood up from the chair and sat down right beside me on the bed. He put a hand on my back carefully and gauged my reaction. His familiar touch sent my heart and mind into a spiral. Damn, I really missed them.

"Like I told Kaminari .... You can't. This isn't something you 'fix'. All I ask is to just give me some space. I need time to recover and move on," I met his lavender eyes that were full of emotion. Shinsou wasn't looking that good either. Like Kaminari, his cheeks were a little sunken and his already pale face was even paler ...

"Okay ... I can do that ..." Shinsou started to rub Kaminari's back with his free hand and Kaminari finally loosened his grip around my body. While he didn't let go of me, he shifted his body so he was able to look at Shinsou.

"Everything will work out in the end, so no more tears okay?" I managed to pry Kaminari off me and gently touched the outer corners of his eyes that were heavily irritated.

"O-okay," Kaminari nodded as he rubbed his eyes, further irritating them.

"You guys need to move on too. Focus on each other and just be happy. Don't worry about me," I smiled slightly as I looked at both of them. Even though my heart was still broken, I meant what I said. It would be such a waste if they went through all of this trouble to be together just to break apart. The love they have isn't superficial ... and I can honestly say that I think it's great Kaminari found someone he can truly love this much. Even if it was at the expense of our relationship. Thinking about it with a clear head and a much lighter conscience, I can admit that Shinsou and I just weren't meant to be. And that's okay. Everything happens for a reason and I just have to only look at the positive side.

They were speechless at my words and I took a deep breath, "For fucks sake you two are lucky I'm so nice. You guys wouldn't be alive if I had Bakugou's temper," I decided to cover up my pain with humor and Kaminari finally smiled. It wasn't his signature smile, but it was something. Seeing him smile, even the tiniest bit, made this all feel worth it in some way.

"Listen to me, Kaminari," I held his hands and looked him in the eyes, "Shinsou won't admit it but he has pretty bad nightmares sometimes which is why he doesn't sleep well and is always tired," I felt my lip start to quiver and I looked away as I bit my cheek, "He also has a pretty bad sweet tooth, so surprise him with sweets now and then ... it's the little things that always make him smile."

"Y/N ...." Shinsou's voice was quiet and strained as if he was holding back tears and I felt myself start to break again.

"Take care of him. He really is an amazing man," I tried so hard not to break but I couldn't hold back anymore. My vision blurred and I had no time to push the tears back. Hot streams rolled down my cheeks and I felt a bit bashful crying in front of them.

"Fuck .. I tried so hard not to cry," I let out a chuckle as I wiped away my tears and felt a gentle hand on the back of my head. I couldn't look at him, but I know Shinsou was trying to comfort me.

"We ... we'll talk another time. I can only handle one emotional breakdown a day and I already reached my quota," I pulled myself together and stood up from the bed. I need to process this in my room ... this was a lot.

"Wait!" Kaminari called out to me as I started to walk away and before I knew what he was doing, he pulled me into an embrace again. He held the back of my head close to his chest as his other arm was wrapped tightly around my shoulders.

"Have you always been this clingy?" I complained a little as I hugged him back. I couldn't see it, but I felt him smile again.

"Yeah ... you just never noticed," there was a lightness in his voice that wasn't there before and I felt relieved knowing that from this point forward, he can start recovering as well.

"Are you feeling better?" I asked softly as I pulled away to meet his honey gaze.

He nodded, "Yeah ... are you?"

I smiled up at him and reached my hand up to lightly touch his cheekbone with my index finger, "I'll be okay."

Pulling away from Kaminari, I looked at the both of them, "I'll uh ... see you guys later," I waved awkwardly at them before I left and ran back to my room feeling strange. Walking into my room, I let out a loud sigh as I collapsed on my bed. Then I remembered about the clothes in the driers and quickly went to retrieve them. I didn't bother folding them, I just plopped my hamper in the corner of my room and returned to the bed. Crawling under the covers, I couldn't help but replay the events that just happened in my head. I felt ... good to voice everything out and air my emotions.

I can say with absolute confidence that I never want to see Kaminari cry like that ever again. I never want to see him sad ever again. I don't regret anything I said or did in his room. Kaminari's love language is physical touch, so just telling him that everything will be okay and that I still care about him wouldn't be enough. By how tightly he was holding on to me and for how long, showed me how depressed he was and told me how much he needed it. I felt how much he missed me and how much he truly regretted what he did. I obviously don't forgive him, but I think that's okay. Not forgiving him doesn't mean I want him to suffer more.

Alone in my room, warm under the covers, a wave of loneliness overcame me. I don't know if it's because I felt cold without Kaminari's embrace, but I didn't want to be alone right now. I reached for my phone and the first person that popped into my head was Todoroki. I really want him to keep me company right now. I decided to text Todoroki and not even a full minute later he responded.

'Yes?'

'Are you busy?'

'Not at the moment. Are you alright?'

'I will be. I talked to Kaminari in person and then Shinsou walked in.' I explained the gist of the situation since I didn't want to get into it through text.

'Oh wow. How did that go?'

'Honestly, pretty well. But it was a lot and I don't want to be alone right now. So can you come over and keep me company for a while?'

'Of course, I can. I'm already at your door.' The second I read his text, there was a gentle knock on the door.

"That was fast," I said lightheartedly as I greeted Todoroki at the door. The fact that he got here so quickly warmed my heart. He's been this way since we started to get closer. Like he drops everything when he knows that I'm not doing well.

"Well I wasn't busy ..." He replied with a small shrug. I smiled as I invited him in and he waited for me to sit down before he got comfortable. He's been over quite a few times, but he's still weirdly formal with me. It's endearing, but I wish he would relax around me. I mean, I'm not an intimidating person ... am I?

"Are you holding back?" Todoroki tilted his head as he studied my face and I nodded. I didn't even tell him anything and he knew right away. Am I really that easy to read? When he asked the question, I felt the strength that was sleeping me together, leave my body.

"...Yeah," My voice cracked and my vision blurred. I'm so overwhelmed with emotions after my talk with Kaminari and unexpectedly Shinsou. I didn't want Todoroki to see my cry again though so I tried to keep them in and put myself together. Without saying a word, Todoroki sat beside me and put a warm hand on my back. I leaned against him and focused on his warmth. Taking a deep breath, I couldn't help but notice how he smells like subtle embers. It reminded me of a comforting bonfire and I relaxed.

"Thanks .. for being here," I sniffled as I started to pull myself together.

"That's what friends are for, right?" Todoroki replied softly. His voice was soothing ... gentle and a bit monotonous but soothing nonetheless.

"You're right," I smiled and brushed away the tears on my cheeks, "I feel better ..."

"That's good. Does this mean you'll stop crying, every day?" Todoroki asked out of nowhere. Bitch ... wait do I actually cry every day??? I sat up straighter and raised an eyebrow.

"I don't cry every day!" I argued playfully.

"That is incorrect. You've cried at least once a day for the past few months," Todoroki responded matter-of-factly. His expression didn't shift as he argued and I found that a bit comical.

"That doesn't sound right," I continued to argue against it but he was quite stubborn and refused to be wrong.

"But it is. Rest assured, I'll make sure you don't cry anymore."

"I'll hold you up on that," I smiled at him and his expression softened as he gazed down at me. I met his gaze and couldn't help but be mesmerized by his heterochromia. His right eye is a warm gray color while his left eye is a cool cerulean with some hints of turquoise. He's so ... pretty. I-I know it's weird to describe a man as 'pretty' but I genuinely think he is ... beautiful even. Seeing him now ... I failed to realize just how attractive he was. I mean that's a lie, but my eyes were always on Shinsou. Now ... it's like I'm seeing him for the first time and god damn is he gorgeous. He carries himself with elegance but also some awkwardness that makes him approachable despite his stoic demeanor. It's not just his eyes, but his two-toned hair that grabs the attention of anyone around.

"Is there something on my face?" Todoroki's voice snapped me back to reality and I realized I was staring.

"N-no! I'm sorry," I chuckled in embarrassment and felt my face burn.

"Is it my scar...?" He turned his face away from me and I felt a pang in my chest. He thought I was staring at his scar ... I instantly felt bad and was quick to reassure him that I wasn't.

"What? No! Todoroki ..." I stole my nerves and gently placed my hand on his face to bring his attention back to me, "I was looking at your eyes, silly."

"Is it because they're different colors? Is that weird?" He started to feel insecure and it both warmed and pained my heart. I didn't realize how many insecurities he actually had. I mean, I'm not too surprised but I didn't think he'd be open about them.

"Todoroki, it's not weird. I think it's really cool," I lifted my hand and touched the left side of his face but he flinched at my touch.

"Sorry!" I quickly removed my hand but after a moment of silence, he took my hand and put it back on his face, over his scar.

"It's okay ... if it's you," He said quietly, his voice trembled slightly as if he was trying to convince himself that this is okay. For a moment, I stopped breathing and had no idea how to process this development. I'm touching his scar ... not just that, but his hand is covering mine keeping it in place. I felt special. Like I just crossed a hurdle and got even closer to him. I froze for a moment but when he gazed into my eyes, I saw that he was just as nervous as I was. They were wavering and seeing him out of his comfort zone got me to relax.

"Thank you ... for trusting me," I smiled at him and he closed his eyes for a moment. With his eyes closed, I took the moment to take in the feeling of my hand on his cheek. I noticed that his left eye didn't have any lashes ... not that I'm surprised with the painful-looking scar covering half of the left side of his face. I'm honestly surprised that he still has an eyebrow. Now that I got a closer look at it ... it looks deep. I can't imagine the pain he felt when he got it. I mean I've been burned a few times but nothing that could compare to the burn he suffered through.

I didn't move my hand in any way since I didn't want to startle him. When he opened his eyes again, he slowly released my hand and I reluctantly removed it from his cheek.
The heat from his cheek lingered on my hand and my heart fluttered a bit as I replayed the last few moments over in my mind. My thumb rested on his scar, my fingers tangled in his silky red hair and my palm was held in place on his soft, round cheek by his hand. I almost wished he kept my hand there for a few more moments ...

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" Todoroki asked cautiously after a comfortable silence.

I shrugged, "I mean ... I finally said my piece. Well, half of my piece, and I feel good. I really needed that," I whispered and a small smile played on his lips.

"Did you forgive him?"

I shook my head, "No. I can't ... not now anyways."

"I'm proud of you," Todoroki was a bit bashful, and hearing him say that he was proud of me ... really made my day.

"Thank you ... I'm proud of me too," I chuckled a bit and fell back on my bed.

"Would you like to do something?" Todoroki asked awkwardly.

I shrugged, "I just wanna hang out with you ... we don't have to do anything ... is that okay?" I turned my head to look at him and he had a face of absolute content.

"That's fine by me," he agreed and we spent the evening doing absolutely nothing. We sat on my bed, put on some music, and spent a few hours talking. Todoroki

told me some more about his childhood and I told him about mine. It was nowhere near as complicated as his, but then again I don't think anyone has a family as complicated as Todoroki.

"I don't think ... I've ever talked this much," Todoroki said after he let out a sigh. We were laying down on my bedside by side and I chuckled.

"That's a good thing ... I like the sound of your voice," I admitted softly.

"Is that so?"

"Mhm, it is so," I turned my head and smiled at him.

"T-thank you," Todoroki's cheeks turned a light shade of pink. Wow .... He can be so cute sometimes

Two weeks have gone by since I cleared the air with Kaminari and even after telling the others that we're in a better place, everyone who used to be good friends with him has still refused to even look in his direction. I don't blame them but it upsets me seeing Kaminari all alone when Shinsou isn't here. He's the type of person that needs to be with someone, he has to be in the presence of someone so that he can function and not get too restless. Kaminari's a social butterfly that thrives with others around. Besides, he's suffered alone for too long now.

Since talking things out and voicing our feelings, I don't feel negatively towards him like I did before. Right now, I just want nothing more than for things to go back to the way they were. So, during lunch, I approached the group and sat down in an empty seat beside Sero.

"Hey, guys," I greeted them with a smile.

"Hey! You feeling okay?" Kirishima asked as he leaned forward on the table.

I nodded, "I am! You know, Kaminari and I talked things out a couple of weeks ago and we're civil ... so why don't you guys go sit with him? He looks so sad by himself ..." I spoke softly as I glanced over at the other table where Kaminari was scrolling through his phone.

"I don't want to be friends with a homewrecker!" Ashido pouted and I sighed.

"Come on, you know it wasn't like that. You guys know better than anyone he isn't that type of person. He made a mistake and he's suffered enough," I looked at them all with puppy dog eyes and after a few moments they all gave in.

"Fine!" Ashido let out a sigh and I grinned at her.

"Thanks, guys. I'll go bring him. And please ... just be nice and treat him like you did before, okay?" I stood up from the table and walked over to Kaminari.

"Hey," I put a hand on his shoulder and sat down in the empty seat beside him.

"Y/N! H-hey," He smiled awkwardly and started to fidget with his fingers.

"You look so sad by yourself ... why don't you sit with your friends?" I gestured over to Kirishima and he sighed as he looked away.

"They don't wanna be friends with me anymore ..." Kaminari looked down at the table and I gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze

"Things are different now. I just talked to them and they're willing to give you another chance," I moved my head so I was able to look at his face. He's looking better ... his eyes are brighter and he looks like he's been getting proper sleep.

"I don't know ... what if they still hate me?" his sad puppy dog eyes met mine and I rubbed his back to comfort him.

"They don't, I promise. Kaminari, I think the only one who hates you right now ... is you," I shrugged lightly and he let out a sigh.

"You should ..."

"But I don't. So come on, your friends are waiting," I stood up and took his hand as I dragged him up. I knew he was nervous to approach his old friends ... I could feel it in the way his hand trembled in mine. I had to drag him over to Kirishima's table and sat him down in the seat I was previously sitting in. I stood behind Kaminari and put my hands on his shoulders.

"No one knows more than he does that he messed up and I don't want to see him upset anymore. So please ... take him back," I asked them nicely and Kirishima was the first one to acknowledge Kaminari.

"...If Y/N can give you a second chance, I'll do the same," He extended his hand out and Kaminari accepted it after a moment of hesitation.

"Thanks, Kirishima," Kaminari sounded relieved and once that was all set and done, I searched for Todoroki who was sitting with Iida and Midoriya. Once I found him adorably eating his beloved soba, a smile crept on my face. Cute.

I walked to his table and sat down in front of him, "Hey."

"Hey, Y/N!" Midoriya grinned at me and I couldn't help but smile back at him.

"You look well!" Iida looked relieved to see I was doing okay and I found that pretty sweet.

"I am doing well," I nodded and Todoroki looked pleased as I talked to them. He wasn't much for conversations around everyone else, but I didn't mind. I prefer having our deep conversations in the privacy of my room ... it makes them feel more special that way.
A few days went by and I'm so happy to see Kaminari smiling again. From the looks of it, Kirishima has accepted him wholeheartedly. Apparently, they had a pretty long heart to heart the night I brought him over to their lunch table. I'm honestly grateful for how kind Kirishima is. I'm really lucky to be able to call him a good friend.

The atmosphere in the dorm has lightened significantly and I've been able to breathe a lot easier. I'm able to hang out in the common room without feeling like shit when I see Shinsou and Kaminari, which is a huge improvement. Mostly because after my talk with Kaminari, they haven't been together out in the open so much.

I've been keeping my distance from Kaminari, but that doesn't mean I'm not watching to make sure he's doing okay. The constant text messages have stopped and now the only texts I get are from Todoroki, Midoriya, and Kirishima. I asked for space and that's what I got. I haven't been this happy in a very long time ... I almost forgot what it felt like.

I haven't felt alone either ... Todoroki comes over at least once a day to study with me every day at around 7 PM, Todoroki knocks on my door and we study for hours. Even though we study in silence, just having him in the room with me is more than enough. Today was no different. I've been leaving the door slightly open so that he just walks in and takes his place on the bed beside me.

At 7 PM on the door, Todoroki walked in and closed the door.

"I brought snacks," he smiled warmly, holding up a bag of our favorite snacks.

"Wow, thanks!" I grinned as I moved some of my papers to make enough room for him. Making himself comfortable on top of the plush blanket, Todoroki opened one of his textbooks. An hour passed by and Todoroki let out a sigh. I glanced up at him and he ran a hand through his hair, a look of frustration warping his reserved features.

"Wanna take a break?" I suggested.

"..Please," he shut his textbook and leaned back against the wall. I chuckled as I closed my notes too and sat beside him, my back pressed against the cold, white wall.

"You haven't cried in a while," Todoroki pointed out. I turned my head to look at him and I chuckled.

"You're right. You're doing pretty good on your promise," I nudged his shoulder playfully and he let out a small laugh.

"Mhm," he agreed. I rolled my eyes knowing that his ego just got a little bit bigger. I mean, he's not nearly as arrogant as he used to be, but still.

"Are you doing okay?" I asked after a few moments of silence.

"Currently, I can't complain. What about you?"

I nodded, "I am," I met his gentle gaze and smiled, "Do you want to get back to studying, or do you wanna watch a movie instead?" I raised an eyebrow as I made the suggestion and he debated the options.

"We don't have any quizzes or exams soon ... homework is finished ..." he mumbled as he picked up his notebooks, "If it's okay with you, I'd rather watch a movie."

"Of course it's okay with me, silly. I'm the one who suggested it," I poked his cheek lightly and he chuckled lightly. We put our school stuff away and got comfortable on the bed under the blankets. However, as I was about to press play on the movie, my phone lit up with a text notification.

'Hey ... can we talk?' it was from Shinsou and I let out a heavy sigh.

"Is everything alright?" Todoroki asked.

I shrugged, "Yeah, Shinsou just texted me."

"Oh ..."

"He asked if we could talk ..."

"Would you like me to leave?" Todoroki asked as he sat up. I quickly put a hand on his leg and he stopped moving.

"No ... please don't go. Shinsou and I can talk tomorrow," I frantically tried to keep him from leaving and after hearing my plea, Todoroki settled back down, this time a little bit closer to me.

"Okay, I'll stay," he assured me with a slight nod.

"Thank you," I relaxed and went back to my phone.

'Um, yeah I guess. We can talk tomorrow, I'm with Todoroki right now.'

'Oh okay, sure ... Are you two ... dating?' reading the text caused my heart to race for a moment and I glanced at Todoroki who was scrolling on his phone. Dating ... me? Todoroki? The thought ignited two conflicted feelings inside me. Fear is one of them.

'No, we're not.' I typed back quickly.

"Oh ... do you like him? I always see you with him.' Why does he have such an interest in my love life?

'I don't know. Even if I did like him enough to date him, I wouldn't.'

'How come? If you like him you should be with him ....' This motherfucker. Is he serious?

'Are you for real? Did you forget what happened last time I was in a relationship?'

'N-no, I could never forget ... I-'

'I am so scared to open myself back up, but you wouldn't know anything about that, huh?' I glared at the screen and typed angrily.

'You're right. I'm so sorry.' I rolled my eyes and sighed.

'Whatever, just come over tomorrow at 6, okay?'

'Yeah, sure I'll see you then.' As soon as he agreed, I tossed my phone to the side and that grabbed Todoroki's attention.

"Y/N?" his soft voice brought my attention back and his pretty face was twisted with worry.

"I'm okay. He's coming over tomorrow so we can have our 'heart to heart'," I raked my fingers through my hair and pressed play on the movie.

"If he hurts you again, I'll freeze him," Todoroki threatened Shinsou and I let out a laugh.

"I won't stop you," I joked. I don't think he's aware of it himself, but there's this quality he has that's calming. No matter what the situation is, if he's by my side, I know that I'll be okay.
As promised, Shinsou came over to my room at 6 PM the next day. I invited him in and he sat beside me on the bed. I didn't get a good look at him last time I saw him, but I feel like he looks better today. I don't know how to put it, but even though he physically looks the same, there's something about his presence that's different. I think it has to do with what I said to him when I talked to Kaminari. Maybe he's just relieved.

He looked around the room eyeing any changes that might have occurred in the months he hadn't seen it. When he saw my desk, his shoulders slumped a little. The walls that were once decorated with photos of us, were now bare. I haven't hung anything up even though Kirishima printed out a bunch of pictures not only of himself but of his entire friend group. I love the pictures ... they're so fun and lively, but I don't know ... it felt wrong replacing the ones that were on the wall.

Shinsou started to play with his fingers as he thought of how to break the silence. No one said anything for a while ... but he kept glancing at me waiting for me to say something and I took a deep breath.

"Before you open your mouth and say 'I'm sorry' let me say this. I know that you're sorry. I already told you that I don't hate you. But, I despise what you did to me. You need to understand that you were the first man I ever got close to. You taught me that it's okay to trust others and to open up. That it's okay to be myself. Shinsou, I trusted you wholeheartedly. I don't think I ever gave you a reason for you not to trust me in return," I looked down at my hands that were resting over my thighs and felt all those pent up, negative feelings that I thought were already gone, rise.

"When I first saw that picture of you and Kaminari, I didn't get pissed. I was confused ... and I didn't believe it at first. I was convinced that you would never cheat on me ... I thought that you were above that. Not just that, but that you genuinely did love me, like you always said. But the more I looked at that picture ... and the more I thought about how you'd been acting ... it made sense," My voice was quiet as I talked and I kept looking at my hands. I remembered the days leading up to our break up. Where I saw him falling out of love with me, even though he said he never did.

"I blamed myself for a while. I wasn't as bubbly as Kaminari, as wide-eyed and silly as he was. I thought that maybe I was too annoying or too insecure since I'd always ask for some sort of validation whenever I got the chance. I just wanted to know I was good enough for you. In the end, though, I guess I really wasn't," I felt my chest start to tighten and I held in the tears. My voice trembled and those pathetic feelings I felt, in the beginning, came back stronger than ever.

"That's not true! You are more than enough and I hate that I made you feel like this," Shinsou finally spoke up and I shook my head. He turned his body to fully face me and I scoffed.

"Yeah, you and me both. I hate that I let you break me. If I really was 'more than enough' you would have been happy with me, right? Because of what you did, I'm scared to let anyone in. What if I trust someone enough only for them to hurt me again? I can't handle it ... I genuinely can't handle it," I looked at Shinsou with teary eyes and he was biting his lip. What's going on in his head right now? What's he thinking? How is he feeling? I noticed that his hands were trembling and his jaw kept clenching and unclenching telling me that he was trying so hard not to break down into tears. I got some satisfaction from seeing him like this, but I also hated it.

"Listen, I'm not telling you all of this to feel guilty ... for the most part. I'm telling you so you know what you did to me. How your 'mistake' affected me. It wasn't just the fact that I got cheated on that hurt, it was the fact that you got together with Kaminari right after we broke up. That told me that you didn't love me. Not as much as I loved you anyway. You didn't waste any time ... it's like you weren't even upset. You moved on right away and meanwhile I was left broken and grieving. Like you never cared about me in the first place," My voice cracked and I saw a single tear roll down Shinsou's cheek. It got so hard trying to hold the tears back at this point. My throat was aching and my chest hurt trying to stay calm.

"I know I fucked up. I can't ever take it back but you have to know that I care so much about you," He met my gaze and I started to get fed up. How could he say that he cares about me when he's the one who broke me? He was supposed to protect me ... Shinsou cares so much about me ... so much that he cheated on me with my best friend. What the actual fuck, how can he sit there, tears rolling down his cheeks and say that he loves me, that he cares about me when he betrayed me?

"I'm so tired of feeling like shit. I'm so tired of crying over you. I'm exhausted ... I just started sleeping full nights again, and I haven't cried myself to sleep in weeks. I'm trying so hard to get myself back ... but that happy-go-lucky, naive person ... they're gone. There's nothing left of them inside of me and that's what hurts the absolute most. Because of you and Kaminari, I'm different and I hate who I am now," Frustrated, I wiped away the stray tears that fell and I turned my head away from Shinsou. Saying all of this out loud was freeing, but I hated admitting how much he's truly hurt me. I never admitted that to anybody ... What would Todoroki say if he heard me say that? What would Kirishima say? Or Midoriya?

"If I could take it all back I would. I've regretted kissing him since the second I did it," he tried to reach out to me but before his hands could hold mine, he retracted them. If he regretted it, he wouldn't have continued seeing Kaminari.

"If you did, then why did you hide it? Why did you pretend that everything was okay when it wasn't?! I had that picture on me for one week before I brought it up! I was waiting for you to admit you made a mistake. I was willing to talk things out and work out a solution if you were honest with me," at this point, I felt utterly defeated. My goal was just to clear my conscious and release those bottled up feelings so I could feel lighter.

"We were scared! I was scared!" He raised his voice but I didn't flinch. When he realized he shouted at me, and he let out a sigh.

" Sorry I-I didn't mean to yell," Shinsou apologized softly.

"I know! I know you were scared, Toshi, but I don't understand why. What were you afraid of?" I raised my voice too and tried so hard not to break down completely.

"I don't know ... I-I was afraid of how you would react ... how you'd see me," Shinsou looked away from me and ran a shaky hand through his hair.

"I'm not an explosive person. You know that! You've known me long enough to know that I don't scream and yell when something doesn't go right. Damn it Toshi, I never would have blown up at you. I also never would have made you choose. If you told me right away, we wouldn't be in this situation. I pride myself on being understanding, on being sympathetic. How can I be when you couldn't be sympathetic with me?" the anger that was bubbling up was finally being released and my voice softened.

"All I've ever wanted was for you to be happy. Even if it wasn't with me ... as long as you were happy, I'd be okay. Do you have any idea how highly I thought of you? Just how much I truly did love you? I put you first in everything I ever did ... went out of my way to make sure you were comfortable and if you were upset, I'd do everything I could to put a smile on your face," I got nostalgic thinking of everything I did for him and I let out a sigh. I feel like a fool now.

"I would stay up the entire night making sure you didn't have any more nightmares, made you your favorite sweets when you were having a bad day ... if there was anything I could do to make you smile, I did it. I did it because I loved you so much, and seeing you smile ... made my entire day," I didn't bother trying to stop the tears at this point. I really am a fucking fool ... saying all of that shit out loud made me feel stupid. I guess there's no one to blame but myself.
"Y/N .... Nothing I could say could make things better. I need you to know that nobody compares to you. You were there for me when no one else was. You made me feel like I deserved to live, that I deserved to be here. My pain doesn't compare to yours but I've been breaking too, so has Denki. I should have told you right away. I know I have and I'm so sorry I didn't. I'm so sorry for everything. Please ... please understand that what I did wasn't because you weren't enough. Kitty, you are the kindest and most loving person I have ever met, and don't ever think you aren't enough, " Shinsou was still crying, but his voice was clear. Lavender eyes boring into mine as he tried to get his point across. He shifted closer to me, his knee touching mine.

"You were my everything," I shrugged as I smiled sadly.

He nodded, "You're my everything too. Even now, I still consider you my everything."

I shook my head, "No ... I'm not. Don't sit there and tell me that I'm your everything when you're the one who threw me away. Kaminari's your everything now. And if he's not, then he really should be," I murmured. Taking a deep breath I managed to calm myself down only a little bit.

"Look at me," I put a hand on his knee and after a few moments, "Whatever you're feeling right now ... don't ever forget it. Don't you dare make the same mistake with Kaminari, or else I'll throw you out the fourth story window," my gaze was fierce and his eyes widened.

"I-I won't. I'll never do it again," he assured me. His words made me relax a little more and I lifted my hand to touch his face gingerly. Shinsou's skin was as perfect as ever ... I'm still jealous.

"Hm .. you haven't been sleeping well, have you?" the dark circles under his eyes have gotten a little darker and his already sleepy eyes look more tired ... and sad. In response to my touch, Shinsou's breath caught in his throat and he leaned into my hand.

"No ... not really," Shinsou replied honestly. I sighed and brushed away a stray tear that fell down his cheek. Damn it, I hate it when he cries.

"Kaminari should be in his room ... you should spend the night. I know you sleep better with someone else there," I suggested as I slid my thumb across his cheekbone tenderly.

"C-can I stay with you? Just a little longer?" He pleaded with me and gazed at me with wavering eyes. Fuck, when he looks at me like that I have a hard time saying no. I developed a different personality because of him and now he wants to take away more of my time? Is he for real? He must be out of his goddamn mind if he thinks I'm going to let him stay here in my safe space for as long as he wants. But ... but ... I don't want him to go so soon. I really am weak, huh? I looked away for a moment before meeting his gaze. They were glassy and still as beautiful as ever. Fuck. I'm too soft for my own good. I can't just kick him to the curb like this. The more compassionate side of me wants to comfort him at least a little. At least make sure he leaves with a smile and not a crying mess.

"Five minutes. You have five more minutes before I drag you to Kaminari's room," I smirked slightly and he looked relieved. I scooted a little closer and pulled him into my arms. He held me so tight I thought he was going to break me in half. I didn't complain though. I just held him silently, petting his hair and rubbing his back. Shinsou snuggled his face in the neck, his hair tickling my ear.

"I'm so sorry. I mean it, I'm so sorry," Shinsou started to cry and I bit my lip. Oh, Toshi ... please don't cry. He continued to apologize as he held me and I held the back of his head, pulling him closer. I knew that he meant the apologies, but hearing them so often reduces the value of them. If I had a dollar every time Kaminari and Shinsou have said 'I'm sorry' in the past two months, I'd be as rich as Momo.

"I know, Toshi, I know," I cooed and continued to comfort him, "Despite everything ... I want you to be so happy. What happened ... what you did ... doesn't define you. I can't forgive you ... but that doesn't mean I want you to suffer more. Kaminari .... He's a sweetheart and a goofball so he'll always give you a reason to laugh. You need to smile more ... you have a beautiful smile," I chuckled softly and Shinsou's cries lightened, "He's also needy ... so he'll play with your fingers or your hair when he's trying to focus. Help him study please ... he's kind of really dumb," I laughed lightly and Shinsou relaxed, finally letting me breathe. Oh, thank god, if he held on to me any longer, I would have passed out from poor circulation. His arms were still around me and his head still rested on my shoulder.

"You'll come back... right?" Shinsou asked sadly, his soothing voice, raspy.

I shrugged, "I don't know ... maybe someday. Let me put myself back together and if I want to reconnect, I'll look for you. How does that sound?" I offered this small resolution and while he looked disappointed, he didn't dislike it.

"Fair ... it sounds more than fair," He nuzzled his face in my shoulder, warm breath sending a chill down my body. I leaned back on the bed until my back hit the wall and Shinsou got a little more comfortable laying on top of me. The familiar sensation of his weight on my body filled me with a combination of nostalgia and contentment.

"Alright, it's been five minutes," I whispered and sat up a little bit as a queue to let go of me. Shinsou let out a shaky breath and he reluctantly let me go.

"Toshi ... you'll be okay. You're a strong guy, and now you have your own personal ray of sunshine," I smoothed out his hair a little and he finally smiled, "I'll be okay too. Please, trust that I'm going to be okay."

"Okay ... I will," Shinsou rubbed his eyes and I pulled his hands away from his eyes.

"Don't do that, you'll irritate your eyes," I scolded him lightly as I gently brushed away the remaining tears. As a force of habit, I quickly went to the bathroom and put some moisturizer on my fingers. I walked back to Shinsou and tenderly smoothed the lavender-scented cream on his face near the corners of his eyes where they were red and irritated. I used to do this whenever he would cry or just rub his eyes too much. I specifically used lavender since it helped him sleep. When it was all rubbed in, without thinking, I leaned down and planted a sweet kiss on his forehead.

I... didn't mean to do that. Why did I do that? I still had my hands on the side of his face as I looked away in sheer confusion and shock. Then, when I saw the closet, I remembered that I was looking for the perfect time to return the clothes he gave me.

"Oh wait! Before you go ..." I walked to my closet and found all the clothes he'd lent me during the time we were together. It's all been washed and folded ready to be returned to him.

"Here," I handed Shinsou the pile of clothes and he accepted them after some hesitation, "I need a fresh start," I sighed and offered a sad smile.

"Thanks ..." I could tell he didn't want to accept them but he knew that he had to.

"Bye Toshi ... I'll see you around, okay?" It felt a bit surreal to say goodbye to someone I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with. The second I finished my sentence, the small smile that he had on his face fell.

"Yeah ... I'll see you," He gave me one last hug before he kissed my cheek for the last time. Shinsou left my room and I let out a long sigh as I collapsed on my bed. I have to admit ... I feel better. Now I really can move on. The animosity that's been heavy on my shoulders has lightened up tremendously and I can breathe a lot easier now.I laid down on my back, staring at the white ceiling feeling a bit cold. It felt so nice having Shinsou back in my arms ... even if it was just for a moment. His warmth, his familiar scent, the way he nuzzled his face in my neck ... all of it felt so relieving. At the same time, it provided me with closure. I got to hug him one last time, I got to kiss him, even though it was just on the forehead ... and he left with a smile, no matter how small, it was still a smile. It's over now. We're officially done and now it's time to heal. Sure it hurts, I don't know if it will ever not hurt, but the pain nearly isn't as sharp. It's a dull throb now and it's so much more bearable. None of us are alone now. Kaminari has Shinsou and all of his friends. I have Todoroki and the others ... and Shinsou ... Shinsou has Kaminari and that's okay. He's not one for a big group of friends anyway.

I covered my face with my hands in the hopes that I would just feel a whole lot better when I opened my eyes. Not that I feel terrible ... It's more of a hollow feeling. I'm drained, I'm emotionally drained.

"Y/N? Are you alright?" Todoroki's voice brought me back to reality and I sat up, slapping a smile on.

"I uh... I think so," I shrugged lightly and tried to convince him but he didn't buy it.

"You had your conversation with Shinsou today, correct? How did that go?" Todoroki sat on the bed beside me and looked at me with worry in his eyes.

"Well ... I feel good. I also feel really shitty," I muttered.

"How come?" he moved a little closer to me and I didn't know how to answer his question.

"I don't know ..." I let out a nervous laugh as I tried to collect my scattered thoughts. Suddenly, Todoroki took my hand and pulled me to his chest.

"It's okay not to know," he assured me in a gentle voice. He increased his temperature by a few degrees and I felt like I was being enveloped in a heated blanket.

"It's complicated ..." I whispered against his chest.

"I know ..." his voice sounded a little sad and he started to rub my back soothingly. I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths to try to steady myself. Not only was I flustered from being pulled into his embrace, but I was also conflicted over Shinsou. Forget about Shinsou for a second ... especially since Todoroki is holding me right now. I focused on Todoroki's heartbeat ... it was strong and a little bit irregular. When I nuzzled my cheek against his chest, his heart fluttered and then returned to normal. Oh ... that was a sweet reaction.

He's so gentle with me. Todoroki held me as if I was made of porcelain-like I'd shatter if he squeezed me just a bit tighter. Little did he know that Shinsou almost snapped me in half about ten minutes ago.

"Better?" Todoroki whispered in my ear and I nodded. I didn't want to move though, I felt safe against his chest. I was comfortable, warm ... and it just felt right.

"Todoroki?"

"Yes?"

"...thank you," I felt myself smile as Todoroki let out a light laugh in response and ran his fingers through my hair.

Days have passed since I said goodbye and I've been getting accustomed to my new normal. I've been focusing a lot on training and schoolwork to keep my mind from wandering. I know that pushing my feelings aside and distracting myself with busy work isn't a good coping mechanism, but it's the easiest way right now. It's not like I'm forcing myself to be happy, I'm just ignoring the emptiness I feel now.

Now, whenever I see Shinsou and Kaminari, instead of looking away and rushing past them ... I smile and wave. I haven't talked to them, and they haven't talked to me but there's a mutual love that's still there and won't ever go away.

That loneliness I've been feeling is decreasing because of Todoroki. Of course, my other friends have helped a ton, but Todoroki has been a huge supporter for me. For someone so socially awkward, he has a sixth sense when it comes to me and appears at my door before I realize I need something.

The scary thing about that ... is that I know I'm developing a sort of attachment to him. Like more so than just a platonic friendship. I'm relying on him too much and I don't know how to stop that. I feel myself reverting to my past and becoming too dependent on him, and I'm afraid.

I've thought about putting some distance between us but then I think about how he might feel if I did that and I reject the idea completely. I mean he's done so much for me and it's because of him I haven't totally lost myself. Knowing that, how can I distance myself because of past trauma, for lack of a better word. But, if I end up relying on him too much and something happens ... I wouldn't be able to handle it.

Okay, I need to stop overthinking. It's not that deep, he's just a really good friend. Todoroki's just being kind ... don't misunderstand and make assumptions about it. I have a bad habit of overthinking now and it's been wearing me down to be completely honest. It's impressive how much a person's actions can affect someone ... I probably sound dramatic but the ordeal I just went through changed the way I saw people, the way I interpreted other people's actions and gestures. I misinterpret genuine kindness for something negative and I've been more hesitant. It's so obvious too ... I don't know how to hide emotions very well, but I've been getting better. I used to be so expressive ... I wore my emotions on my sleeve but now I've been perfecting my fake smile.

I have to admit ... everything is great nowadays. There's no more tension in the dorm or class, the days go on without any tears and I'm so much closer to everyone now. At this point, Todoroki and I are almost inseparable. We've been training together, studying together, hanging out together ... and I don't mind at all. Even though I have reservations about calling him my best friend ... it's the most fitting label I can place on our relationship.

He still comes over every day at 7 PM but this time when we watch movies ... we share a blanket and sometimes we've even snuggled together. And when we do ... I don't want to pull away. I should just admit it already but I refuse. Every time I just try and say that I ... I-. Fuck, I can't even say it in my head.

Feelings. I can't even admit that I have feelings for him. Well, first of all, what if he doesn't feel the same way? And if I do end up telling him ... what if it changes everything? I can't lose another friend. I can't go through all that grief again. Not just that ... but what if he does feel the same way? And we're happy together, but then what if he leaves me the same way Shinsou did? What if he hurts me? Worse, what if I hurt him? I-I don't know what to do. It's safer to just leave things the way they are. I really love how things are now.

My mind's been filled with thoughts of Todoroki lately and I always have this goofy smile on my face whenever I see him. It's not just me either! I catch him smiling at himself sometimes or in class, I catch him glancing at me. Every morning, I look forward to 7 PM to spend quality time with him. Ugh, this familiar, bittersweet emotion is a huge pain and I didn't think it'd be able to feel it again. Dramatic, yes I know but I feel like it's too soon. If I were to be with him ... I want to be the very best I can be for him. I'm still broken ... I'm missing a few small pieces that are detrimental to keeping me together. Todoroki's broken too ... he's been broken for much longer though and I've been doing my best to help him find those missing pieces.

I don't know, am I making this more complicated than it is? Am I just blowing all of this out of proportion? Sighing, I leaned back in my desk chair and rubbed my temples. I looked at the time and it was 5:32 PM. I just finished my assignments and thought I'd get ahead in some of the readings for class, but I can't focus. Every time I try to read a sentence, I read the first part and zone out for the second half. Ugh, I need a distraction. So, I turned on the TV and started watching a movie.

It worked for about ten minutes until I got a text message from Todoroki. I'm ashamed of the stupid smile that formed on my face when I saw that the message was from him.

'Hey, Y/N.'

'Hey, Todoroki!'

'There's something I must confess to you,' Confess? A thousand scenarios rushed to my head and my smile fell. Confess? Confess what? Did something happen? Did I do something wrong?

'Oh? Sure, lay it on me,' I tried to sound casual but I was panicking.

'I understand that what I'm about to say will change our dynamic, but I can't hide my feelings any longer. I like you. I like you a lot. I understand that you're apprehensive and anxious about relationships but I just needed to tell you how I feel,' ... Huh? I reread the text several times before I even thought to respond. Did he just say that he likes me? Not once ... but twice. He said he likes me. Then he said he likes me a lot. Did I ... read that right?

'Todoroki ... I-'

'It's okay, you don't have to say anything. Don't feel pressured to return my feelings either,' But I do! Oh my god, I do ... but how do I even start? What do I even say?! Do I just repeat what he said? Oh, but I don't want it to seem like I stole his confession ...

'No no, please just give me a moment to collect my thoughts and find the right words.'

'I hope I haven't offended you or made you uncomfortable with my sudden confession.'

'Not at all!! Listen, I'm honestly shocked, I didn't expect you to confess to me. Let me start by saying that you are so, so sweet and you've been there for me when no one else was. I'm just so scared ...' I started to tear up as I thought of what to say right now. I just wish he waited until 7 PM to tell me.

'I know. I understand that you're scared to open up again. I am in no rush, so take your time to process this. I'll wait for you. You are someone worth waiting for,' He's so considerate of me ... he's always been. And to know that he'll wait for me? I don't know what to say. I'm honestly soaring right now. To know that there's someone out there who'll bear with me and be there while I put myself back together? It's overwhelming but in a good way.

'You'll wait for me...?'

'Yes. I want to be with you. But I want to be with you on your own terms. I'd like to be someone you feel safe with. I've seen you at your lowest and I never want to see you like that ever again. I want to make you happy. To be the reason you smile,' Stupid ... doesn't he know he already does that?

'You already make me so happy. I feel the most 'myself' with you. Do you have any idea how much that means to me? You've trusted me with your insecurities and have confided in me about your family. That speaks volumes about how much you care. Todoroki, I like you. I really like you. I never thought I'd be able to feel this way about another person again. Especially this soon, but I do,' I did it. I said it. I told him I liked him. I admitted to my growing feelings towards Todoroki and it felt good to finally admit it.

'You ... like me back?' I could see his blank expression so clear in my head. His wide eyes, not blinking as he takes all of this in.

'Yeah. I genuinely do.'

'I .... I don't know what to say. I didn't expect you to return my feelings. I'm so happy.'

'Me too! I can't help but be anxious though ....'

'Please don't feel nervous or anxious! I will not make any moves or pressure you into a relationship you are not ready for. Knowing that you like me back is more than enough.'

'That means so much to me. Come over, will you? I want to hug you,' I can't wait until 7 PM. I need to see him now. I want him to say it to me in person ... I need to hear him say that he likes me. That way I can say it back ... and genuinely mean it.

'Yes, of course! I'm on my way,' I haven't smiled this hard in such a long time. The butterflies I thought were dead, fluttered back to life in my chest and I felt hopeful.

Todoroki arrived at my room quicker than usual and when I opened the door, I jumped into his arms. Luckily, he caught me but he had to take a few steps back to steady himself.

"Whoa ..." Todoroki chuckled as he hugged me back and basically carried me into my room.

"I'm sorry ... I couldn't help myself," I pulled away from Todoroki who looked at me with a tender gaze and blushing cheeks.

"I'm not complaining," he replied bashfully as he took my hands in his, "how are you feeling?"

The second he asked me how I was feeling, my vision started to blur with tears. I felt so overwhelmed with every emotion. Fear, anxiety, hope, happiness, uncertainty ... all of those feelings are fighting in my mind and I don't know which one to focus on. Todoroki has been nothing but supportive, encouraging and so sweet the past few months. The only thing holding me back from being happy is myself. I put up a guard ... a wall to prevent myself from feeling this way again. My mind and heart created this defense mechanism but at the expense of my emotions. When I look at him, I can see in his eyes how much he cares about me and that he's sincere about his feelings. But I've been down this path before and it ended in pain. I want to say he's different. I want to believe that he would never hurt me but I said the same thing about Shinsou. What do I do? Do I risk it? Do I push him away to protect myself at least until I'm able to think the way I used to? Lost in thought, I felt myself start to cry. Damnit, I didn't want to cry. I'm not even sad ... I shouldn't be crying. Especially not in front of Todoroki. He hates seeing me cry ...

"I-I apologize! I didn't mean to upset you," he frantically tried to brush away my tears and I shook my head.

"No, it's not your fault ... I'm just overwhelmed," I took a deep breath and focused on his gentle eyes, "It's not you, I promise."

"I understand," his voice was soft as he gently touched my face to wipe my tears away. I stopped crying after a few moments and took a few deep breaths to steady myself. I have to pull myself together. Think of all the positives ... all the good things that have happened since Todoroki came into my life. He's made me smile and laugh ... most of the time without even meaning to because of how awkward he can be. Slowly, he's been teaching me how to trust others by trusting me. Todoroki told me about his childhood, even confided in me about his family. I just know that was hard for him to do and it warmed my heart when he got emotional. He showed me his vulnerable side and I think that's when I started to let my guard down just a little.

When he told the story of how he got his scar, I wanted nothing more than to hold him and comfort him but I held myself back. I was scared since I knew I would get attached if I showed any affection. It was selfish, I know but I couldn't let myself act on my emotions. But now .... I have to be honest. What if he can bring me back? That's something I can't pass up. I should take the risk ... right?"Todoroki ... can we take things slow? I-I want to be with you, but I want to be the best for you," I met his gaze and he brought me over to the bed where we sat down.

"Shouto ... please call me Shouto," he looked nervous as he asked me to call him by his first name and that surprised me.

"Really?" A smile crept on my face and he nodded.

"It's okay if it's you," Shouto assured me. I was still a bit hesitant to call him by his first name but if he really wants me to and says it's okay ... why should I deny that adorable request?

"Okay ... Shouto," I said his name out loud for the first time and the second I did, his entire face turned crimson. I chuckled as he covered his mouth with his hand to hide his embarrassment. Even his ears turned red ... I don't think I've ever seen him blush this much.

"Hey, don't hide," I gently took his hand from his face and he looked down to avoid my gaze. Shouto's so cute, especially when he gets shy like this.

"I'm going at your pace ... I'll never do something without your permission," he met my gaze again and my heart fluttered at the sight of his honesty, "Just knowing you return my feelings is enough for me."

I'm speechless ... I don't know what to say but I want him to know that I'm really happy right now. Looking down at our joined hands, I laced my fingers with his and slid my thumb across his index finger.

"Just ... bear with me, okay?" my voice came out softer than I intended and in response, he gave my hand a squeeze.

"I will. Just know that I'm not him," Shouto spoke gently and my breath caught in my throat. I know he's not Shinsou ... and I can't compare the two, but I can't help it. It's not fair to Shouto if I compare them ... they're entirely two different people.

"I know ... I know you're not him," I lifted my free hand and brushed away a few locks of hair that covered his blue eye, "Shouto ... I want to be there for you just like you've been there for me. To make you just as happy."

A sweet smile spread on his face that reached his eyes and neither of us spoke for a few moments. I meant everything I said too. He's been through so much hurt and so young too. No one deserves to be happy and to feel safe more than he does. I want to be the person he goes to for help, to be there for him when he needs someone the most. I genuinely want to be with him and I won't let my negative, intrusive thoughts prevent me from finding happiness again.

"You already do all those things," Shouto spoke shyly and I blushed even more. What I would give to see myself the way Shouto sees me ... I don't feel like I've been doing all those things, but he says he does. I have no choice but to believe him right? After all, he's never once told a lie. Shouto's honest to a fault and that's a quality I can stand behind.

"Hold me, will you?" Feeling bashful, I looked away for a moment and he gently pulled me into his arms. He moved his legs so they were on the bed and gently sat me down in between them so he could hold me close. My head was resting on his shoulder and I could feel his heart racing. He's so warm ... and he's holding me so gingerly. How long has it been since I've felt this warm? This specific warmth is different than the usual warmth when he'd hug me. This feels totally different. This nostalgic warmth is both terrifying and addicting.

"I'll put you back together again ... I promise to protect you and your heart," Shouto's gentle voice was reassuring even though what he said was a bit cheesy. I needed to hear it though and I'm going to believe it. I'm done holding myself back. I'm starting over, this is a clean slate and I'll do whatever it takes to protect his heart just like he'll protect mine.

Pulling away just enough to gaze into his eyes, I raised my hand and caressed his cheek, "I want to protect you too ... we're a team, right? So, we'll rely on each other," I said softly. Shouto's eyes widened just a bit and he looked a bit surprised to hear those words. He's still learning about friendship and how to lean on other people, so I know I have to be patient with him on that front but I don't mind.

"Yeah ... we're a team," face flushed scarlet, he leaned down and kissed my forehead lovingly. I closed my eyes and relished in the gentle and warm sensation. Feeling both bashful and beyond content, I buried my face in his chest when he pulled away from me. Shouto chuckled as he hugged me tighter and dropped sweet kisses all over my head, ears, temples, and cheeks.

"Shouto?" I called out his name through my laughter and that's when he eased up on the vicious kiss attack.

"Yes?"

"How are you feeling right now?" I asked, draping my arms around his neck.

"I am very happy. How are you feeling?"

"I am the happiest I've ever been in months," I shrugged as I gave my honest answer and he looked relieved.

"I'm so glad ..." Shouto whispered as he pressed his forehead against mine. His arms wrapped around my waist, holding me close to his chest while my hand was on the back of his head, keeping him in place.

"Can I kiss you?" I whispered.

"...You don't need to ask," Shouto's reply was short as he pressed his lips against mine, and at that moment, I wished I had a time quirk so I could pause and live this moment out forever. His kiss was so gentle at first, a featherlight kiss, a mere brushing of the lips before we leaned in closer and the kiss deepened naturally. My heart was pounding so loud I thought for sure Shouto could hear it. But I didn't care. All I could focus on was the fact that I'm actually kissing him. I don't remember kissing someone feeling this perfect ... this amazing.

As we continued to kiss, we slowly fell back onto the bed. I don't want this moment to ever end. Right here, right now is the happiest I think I've ever been and I want this feeling to stay forever. Not just for me, but I want Shouto to feel this happy, this cared for ... he truly deserves it.

Our lips parted with a soft smacking sound and the first thing I did was let out a laugh. A real, genuine laugh.

"What's so funny?" He asked with a smirk.

I shook my head, "Nothing ... nothing's funny I'm just so happy and I don't know what to do about it."

"Well ... we can be happy together ... forever," Shouto's voice softened and I hugged him close. You know, in the entire time Shinsou and I were together ... he never once mentioned forever. That was me. I was the one who thought of the future, Shinsou was more of a 'here and now' type of guy. But Shouto ... Shouto just said forever. He's the one who said it and to be on the receiving side of the sentiment ... honestly brought tears to my eyes. They are different. They're so different. If anyone can put me back together it's Shouto. And if there's anyone who can put Shouto together ... it's me. Both of us are thinking about our future and even though this is so new for both of us ... we'll be okay.