Work Text:
The light was dim in his room when he murmured, “Do you ever think about that time?” against the side of her head.
She rolled her eyes, one hand coming to rest in his hair. “Oh yes, that time. We’ve known each other for fourteen years, Harvey, you’ll have to be more specific.”
He shifted his head toward her. “You know, after the oth- the first time. The test.”
Donna sucked in a breath, and he couldn’t tell if it was from pain or memory. Or maybe both. He didn’t know.
They were laying in his bed, the sun hidden behind the skyline and twilight taking over. It had only been a week and he knew for sure he never wanted to be without her again, even if it was just sharing space while they waited for ibuprofen and a heating pad to bring her cramps under control. He lay a hand low on her belly, slipping a few fingers under the top of her underwear. She grunted softly in response, but didn’t move it. He couldn’t help but wonder-
“I remember,” she said softly. “You were looking for something in my desk and found the pregnancy test.”
“I was thought I was going to die for a minute.”
“So did I. For more than a minute.”
“I hadn’t even considered the possibility.”
“Me, neither.” She ran her fingers lightly over his scalp. “You invited me here to take it.”
“I wanted to be with you. But your place was-”
“Dangerous.”
“Yes,” he sighed. “It’s why I never went back, not until I absolutely had to.”
They were silent for a minute while he worked up the courage to ask what he’d been aching to ask for twelve years. “What would you have done if it was positive?”
Her hand stilled in its ministrations before continuing on. “I want to say I don’t know, but Harvey... there’s no way I wouldn’t have kept it.”
He exhaled a breath he hadn’t been aware he was holding. “Good.” A pause, and then so quietly she almost didn’t hear him: “Sometimes I wish it had been real.”
Donna made a noise between a grunt and a snort. “The scare was definitely real.” She used her free hand to tilt his gaze toward hers. “You know that would have changed everything. We wouldn’t be us if things had been different.”
“No,” he admitted. “But that doesn’t stop me from thinking about him sometimes.”
Her expression softened. “Him?”
“Mmm. It’s always been a him. Strawberry blond hair and tall for his age. He’d love to play dress up, and only go to baseball games because he loved Dad and hot dogs.”
“Harvey...”
“He’d like doing school plays, but I’d only get to some of them because I was so busy. You’d always be there, though, cheering him on and arguing with me that I had to make time.” His fingers began drawing circles on her belly. “He’d be starting middle school this year, and I’d wonder where the time had gone.”
Donna cursed her hormones as the tears managed to escape while this complex, precious, sentimental fool detailed the life of a child that had never been. “Harvey,” she said, “The test was negative. He never existed, he isn’t real.”
“I know,” he sighed mournfully. “But the idea of him always has been.”
“Is...” she hesitated, biting at her lower lip. “Is that something you still want?”
His hand stilled against her. “It’s not a dealbreaker,” he said carefully. And it wasn’t, really, but if she was game he’d be startlingly okay with the idea. A week, he thought to himself. Don’t fuck it up.
Her hand found his on her belly. “It’s not for me, either. We still have time, if that’s what we want.”
“Donna, It’s only been a few days. I don’t want you to feel like-”
“I’m not feeling anything I haven’t felt about a thousand times over the years.” She twined her fingers with his. “I’m just saying the door is open.”
“The door is open,” he repeated, wonder colouring his voice.
She smiled, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “It is,” she said, then grimaced. “Just maybe not today.”
“No,” he agreed, shifting his hand to cover more surface area, the heat seeping into her flesh. “But that’s okay. We’ve got time.”