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It’s no secret that Jay came from a well off family, but because of that, it’s common for him to receive nasty accusations and unfair stereotyping — People and their prejudice against the rich, typical yet understandable.
Everything you need and want is handed to you on a silver platter, the envious will sneer at him. I bet you just buy your way through everything, damned privileged pigs, the wrathful will spit on him.
Jay never bothers with those kinds of people. He knows himself that whatever kind of bullshit they spout about him will always be contrary to the truth.
From an early age, his humbled parents have taught him the art of hard work and perseverance. He’s never been spoiled nor pampered — if he wants something then he should try hard to get it on his own. They showed him the beauty of working for your own goals and basking in the satisfaction that your hard work has paid off.
Jay is proud to say that all his achievements are the product of his sweat and tears. He may not always get the best result, but knowing that it’s all his own contribution to his success is enough to boost his determination to do better.
Maybe that’s why he’s such great friends with people like Heeseung and Sunghoon — both very goal-oriented people. Because of the nature of their friendship, it’s not a surprise that sometimes their friendly competition turns a little too fierce. Jay doesn’t mind though, it helps him to focus better, helps him to strive harder for success. It’s always easier to run faster if you’re chasing after someone else.
Above everything else, Jay hates the word indulgence the most. It erases all essence of hard-work and pay off, he despises it. Don’t get him wrong, he’s a very fun person and anyone who disagrees is very much incorrect. Jay has his limits and he’s always been good at self-regulation. That’s why he can’t stomach the idea of self-indulgence or indulgence in general. Sure, he can accept it if it’s deserved, but following your impulses whenever you feel like it? That’s foul.
He won’t judge other people for it, but he knows for sure that he’ll never engage in something frivolous like that, nor actively give in to the impulses of someone else.
Too bad Heeseung hyung happens to not be just someone else.
Years of firmly built values and principles crumble like a sandcastle in the face of a sleepy Heeseung whining for five more minutes, five more minutes, pleeeease.
Jay groans tugging at the older’s blanket. No way he’ll give in to this again. Trainee Jay Park has nothing on Enhypen Jay Park. He’s stronger now, more resolute. He won’t give in just because stupid Lee Heeseung pouts stupidly cutely at him while looking up at him with his stupidly adorable doe eyes.
“Five more minutes, Jongseongie…”
Huh,
Now that he thinks about it, his and Heeseung’s schedule starts at 10 am unlike the others who are required to be in the company building at 7 am. It’s currently 6 am and everyone else is already preparing, except for him and Heeseung.
Okay. He lost again, fantastic.
“Fine.” Jay sighs in defeat, walking away from Heeseung’s bunk bed and out to the kitchen where everyone is already having their breakfast.
“Heeseung hyung?” Jungwon asks, voice still slurred from sleepiness. Cute.
“Still sleeping.” Jay makes his way towards Jungwon, ruffling the younger’s head.
“Not fair,” Niki pouts, poking his saggy cereal with a spoon, “you’re letting hyung oversleep but when it’s me it’s always ‘wake up! wake up, sleepyhead! God stop sleeping so much, this is why you keep growing!’, How is that fair?”
Jay frowns. “Stop bragging about your height, I never said anything about that! And that’s because your schedule starts at 7, we’re not needed there until later.”
Niki grumbles something under his breath. Jake being the whipped older brother that he is, instantly makes a move to coddle their youngest.
“Niki-ah, you can catch some more sleep while we’re in the van, alright? You can nap on my lap too!”
Jay groans, dragging a palm down his face, “Oh my god, stop babying him so much! He’ll grow spoiled and pampered! All he needs to do is to act cute and you’ll be scrambling to give him everything he wants!”
Sunoo gives him the stink eye. “Hyung, you’re the one who’s literally babying an overgrown baby here. I wish you can apply those words to yourself too.”
The room is filled with snickers and hums of approval. There are times that Jay resents his bandmates the most, and this is a prime example of it.
He’s trying, he really is, it’s just…just what exactly?
"Jay hyung, aren’t you going to eat?” Jungwon asks.
He shakes his head. “I’ll eat with hyung later.”
“Oh, of course!” Sunoo cackles with intent. Jay begins rubbing circles on his temples. When does this kid become so annoying?
Aside from the constant teasing and bickering, the breakfast went smoothly and soon enough they’re already off the dorm, on their way to work. Jay’s more surprised to find Sunoo standing in front of the sink and doing dishes willingly for what must be the first time than the fact that he didn’t leave with the others.
“Why are you still here?” He asks, helping the younger arrange the utensils back to their respective places.
“Did you forget already? My schedule starts at the same time as yours and Heeseung hyung!” Sunoo pouts, drying off his hand with a piece of cloth.
No excuses for that, he did forget about it.
“Oh, right. Sorry about that.” Jay apologizes, putting away the last set of plates and cups in the cupboard.
“Maybe if your head isn’t full of Heeseung hyung, then maybe you’ll actually remember stuff.”
“God, stop it already!” He sighs, facing the younger to glare at him. As expected, Sunoo retaliates by sticking his tongue out. Jay rolls his eyes up to heaven, putting up both hands in defeat.
Right after that, there’s a sudden change in the mood of the room. Sunoo drops his silly face and fixes his stare on the older. His eyes hardened, once again reminding Jay that he’s given the nickname of fox for a reason.
“When are you telling him?” There’s no hesitation in the younger’s voice when he asked it. It makes it more nerve-racking for Jay.
Because Sunoo has always been like this, — loud but silent in his sharpness, reads people like an open book while being the epitome of the unexpected. He sees things other people can’t. It’s scary.
He still tries to play dumb anyway. “Tell him what? Who’s him?”
“Hyung, I don’t want to be the one to say this but,” Sunoo exhaled through his nose, “you’re really not that good at hiding it as you think you are, you know?”
He’s pretty sure he’s doing a good job at hiding it if Sunghoon, his friend for years, hasn’t picked up on it yet. Or he could’ve noticed it but he’s not saying anything about it? No, that’s too stressful to think about. Jay will just stick to believing that Sunoo is too observant for his own too good.
There’s no point in hiding it from the younger now. If he continues with his act then that will only make a fool, and Jay can act like a fool at times but he isn’t one.
So he answers with a lie that he’s been trying to change into a truth.
“Once everything is settled.”
“Once everything is settled,” Sunoo echoed, voice void of mockery but his eyes are saying something else.
Jay turns away, grabbing a glass and pouring himself some water.
“I’ll go wash up again and go to work,” the younger pipes up again after a moment of dead silence, tone cheerful and sunlit smile back on his face.
“Why not leave with us instead?”
“I don’t want to be here while you’re being helplessly and disgustingly in love.” Sunoo sends him a sly grin, walking away before Jay can give him an earful.
-
It’s a little later when Jay decides that it’s time for Heeseung to wake up. But before that he makes sure that both of them have something to eat, cooking quick ramen for them. After serving it on the table, Jay saunters into the bedroom.
Heeseung is still asleep, curled up with a pillow squished between his arms. His lips are parted slightly and every now and then his eyelashes would flutter as if on the verge of opening his eyes, his hair tussled in a ridiculously cute way.
Jay snaps himself out of it. Did he really just stare at his sleeping best friend for a full minute? That’s creepy. What the hell is he doing?
He moves closer before snatching away the older’s pillow. Heeseung, as expected, whines in reply.
“Wake up, hyung.” Jay pokes the other’s cheek, Heeseung swats his hand away. “Come on, we have to go to work.”
Mentioning the word ‘work’ seems to be the right thing to do, as not even seconds later, Heeseung is already waking up. “Work?”
The older blinks his eyes multiple times, looking around before finally staring up at him. “Good morning.”
“The others already left. Hurry up.”
“What?” Heeseung jumps, almost hitting his head on the upper bunk. “Why didn’t you wake me up then? We could’ve just left with them.”
Jay rolls his eyes, he’s been doing that a lot these days.
“Oh no, you’re not gonna say that,” He says, making space as the other crawls out of his bed. “I tried waking you up, multiple times.”
“You didn’t!” Heeseung whines. Yeah, no, he’s not going to argue with a half-asleep person in the morning, and knowing how stubborn the other can get, that’ll only cause him a headache.
“Whatever, hyung. Get your ass up already, I made us breakfast.”
He’s about to turn around and leave the room when he feels a hand on the hem of his shirt, tugging repeatedly.
Jay looks down and there, right there on the ground is his Heeseung hyung, looking at him with big sparkly eyes, a familiar pout on his lips.
“Jongseongieeee…”
Jay’s hands are clammy and he swears, his heart is has a mind of its own, trying to jump out of his throat and all.
That’s illegal. Heeseung should never be allowed to call him like that while pouting cutely and having his most effective puppy eyes on.
“Hyung, carry me?”
He did not just — shit, yes he did. Park Jay is permanently fucked for life. Ghosts are terrifying but right now, Jay would rather have a ghost spook the life out of him than be in this very moment.
“Why the hell do I need to do that? You have legs, use them,” he says, yet he’s already crouching, preparing for the other to get on his back. This is dumb and he’s even dumber for complying with Heeseung’s request. It’s like he’s been cursed for a lifetime, and now he’s just a mare puppet or servant or whatever to the other boy.
Spellbound, Jay’s intelligent mind unhelpfully supplies him.
Heeseung doesn’t hesitate, carefully jumping on his back and wrapping his arms around Jay’s neck.
The older boy isn’t really that heavy and Jay trusts his strength, so it was easy walking their way to the kitchen. Then Heeseung begins giggling right beside his ear and he almost lost all his strength in his body, he feels boneless and unbearably endeared.
Thankfully, they reach the kitchen without any accidents. Heeseung detaches himself from his back too quickly, it leaves Jay cold and longing for the warmth pressed on his back seconds ago.
It’s a quiet affair after that, with the two of them silently eating their ramen, absorbed in their own thoughts and musings.
For Jay and Heeseung words has never been a necessity. There’s more to silence and actions than words. Being in each other’s presence is already a comfort in itself.
But Jay is guilty — guilty that as time passes, he’s starting to resent the silence between him and Heeseung. In silence with Lee Heeseung, his mind can only fill up the void with more thoughts about the older. It’s eating him away, how close and distant the other seems at times. Or maybe that’s because he wants more than what their friendship can provide him.
“Jay,” Heeseung calls out gently. Jay raises his head to meet his eyes. “Thank you.”
He snorts, “It’s just ramen, don’t get mushy on me all of sudden.”
He doesn’t want to look, doesn’t want to hear any of it. The sincerity Heeseung holds in his eyes burns him.
“Thank you for staying by my side,” ignoring what Jay said, Heeseung continues, “I’m really glad I can share this moment with you.”
That’s going straight to his heart, it will stay in his dreams and nightmares, Jay will never be able to forget those words. How Heeseung makes those simple words into something meaningful is beyond him. Maybe it’s because it’s Hesseung that makes it meaningful.
“There’s no need for that.” And that’s the truth because, at the end of the day, Jay didn’t stay for Heeseung. He stayed for himself and his dreams. He stayed for his selfish wishes.
He stayed and worked for it, not only to reach his goals but also to satisfy his indulgence.
Heeseung smiles, bright and warm. God, Jay wants to keep seeing that smile, no matter what.
He doesn’t care if he’ll only be a friend forever, he just wants nothing but for Heeseung to keep that smile. It’s enough for him.
“Jay-ah, you’ve done so well.”
Everything seems brighter, more vivid, lively, beautiful. Something is stirring inside him. Jay wonders if it’s alright to be this happy, or if it’s normal to be this happy over a simple praise. He wonders if he’s truly earned this.
Above everything else, Jay hates the word indulgence the most. It erases all essence of hard-work and pay off and he despises it.
Oh, who was he kidding? He’s a hypocrite after all.
He laughs, sending the other a cheeky grin before striking a silly pose that makes the smile on Heeseung’s face wider.
Lee Heeseung, Jay’s one and only indulgence.