Work Text:
If there was one thing Bokuto had thought about his future, was that he would be playing volleyball forever.
It was his rock, his world, his first true love.
Whenever his parents would yell, he’d go to the neighborhood court and a volleyball in his arms, and play by himself until one of his sisters came home and noticed he was missing. Those days, it would be him and volleyball. The local boys would come some days, but not show up the next. And no matter how long they stayed, they would always go.
‘We have dinner.” they said. ‘Our mom is waiting’ they’d complain.
His sisters didn't get home until late. It was already night when they found him, under the stars, throwing the ball up to the moon, ready to hit it back.
His sisters were nice, but they were older. Being in college when he was in elementary was hard on both of them. They would go during the day, they always did.
His parents were old, and they were already considering retirement when he graduated middle school. They were too old to play, and too old to have a kid as young as him.
Eventually, someone came. Akaashi Kenji.
He stayed. At least more than others. Every time Bokuto would go on a run, he’d ask Akaashi, like he’d ask anyone. The boy said yes, and followed him everywhere.
‘You want to go work out?’ Yes. ‘Do you want to go get ice cream?’ Yes. ‘Do you want to come over?’ Yes.
It seemed that Akaashi would be with him forever. But he knew that this would be temporary. Akaashi went home everyday. Left him everyday. There were days that Akaashi would have to study for classes Bokuto didn't have, and have duties to his class that didn't involve Bokuto. That was fine. Akaashi could leave.
They all could.
When Bokuto met Kuroo it was like the two instantly clicked. Their teasing fit together, and their chaotic nature pushed each other, one daring the other to go farther. Akaashi liked him too.
But Kuroo had Kenma, his friend since forever. And he had a sister to whom he loved and spended time with. Kuroo also went to a different school, and had responsibilities to his own team. That was fine. Kuroo could leave too.
They all could.
When Bokuto met Tsukishima, there wasn't that instant click like Akaashi or Kuroo. If he was being honest, he would look for Tsukki, enjoying teasing him. A past time. With Kuroo helping it always riled him up.
But Tsukishima always kept to himself. He had Yamaguchi. He needed privacy. Tsukishima would leave too. And that was fine.
They could all leave.
Bokuto had volleyball.
Their first kiss was on a volleyball court. He had kissed Kuroo as a joke for them winning against Akaashi and Tsukishima. And the kiss deepened, slowly becoming less of a joke. And Kuroos lips left his first. Bokuto remembered that.
There was a moment of shock, where he met Kuroo’s wide eyes, a train of saliva connecting their lips still. Then Akaashi, annoyed, asked Tsukishima if he wanted a kiss. Then eventually, they all came clean, and they took turns kissing.
It was a weird friend thing at first. Guys experimented all the time right? It was normal, hormonal, natural. You’d kiss and never tell. And you were never supposed to look back.
So why did he think about it every night?
The group went on dates after that, well they weren't ‘dates’ just, friend stuff. They went to parks and movie theatres and even arcades. The moments were sweet like Tsukkis strawberry shortcake, and warm like Kuroo’s hands and light like Akaashis' laugh. Those days were fun, but the goodbyes stung.
Tsukishima, who lived hours away would get on the train as the three waved goodbye, and with the closing of doors Tsukishima was gone.
The Kuroo would say it was time to head out. The three of them would go to the subway, and pass through the gates. They would walk down past a few subway platforms and as Kuroo went down a flight of stairs to his train, Bokuto and Akaashi would stop at the top, waving goodbye, then get to their own subway train before it left. He would sometimes wait, and watch as Kuroo would walk down the steps, and sit on a bench by the gap, putting his black umbrella to his side, bag in front of him and bury himself in his phone.
Bokuto and Akaashi would ride the elevator, talking about the day or sitting in a comfortable silence. Akaashi got out one stop before him. He could see Akaashi grabbing his stuff moments before they arrived at his stop though. He knew the timing by heart. By the time the doors opened at Akaashis stop, he would already be out of his seat and heading to the door.
Bokuto would stare out the window as Akaashi walked off to the stairs, passing by the few people who got on. He watched as Akaashi walked away.
When Bokuto got home, the apartment was locked. He’d fish the key out of his pockets, bypassing gum wrappers and the occasional pen, and open the door.
If his parents were home he’d hear the droll noises come from the tv. And if they were gone, the apartment would be silent. They often went on trips for days on end. It's not like they had anything to do, his sisters moved out years ago. And there was nothing for Bokuto to complain about as long as there was some food in the fridge or money for takeout on the counter.
Either way, he’d go to his room, and watch a match on his computer, or quietly toss the ball to himself. Then he might face-time Kuroo, Akaashi and Tsukishima. If they all picked up, that is.
He didn't expect them to. They were busy without him.
The volleyball posters in his room had roaring crowds, and large teams in the background. Loud, full, warm. Warm like the sweat and spotlights, loud like the cheers and full like the feeling of the ball touching your hand. The feeling of being complete.
One day, after coming home to no one, Bokuto ripped all of his posters down.
He hated being reminded of what he couldn't have in the moment. He picked up a volleyball, and tossed it up in the air, catching it and repeating, smiling and humming a tune as shredded posters littered the floor, and a vase layed shattered on the ground. No one called that night, not that Bokuto was expecting it.
When he left for college he knew he was going to be alright as long as had volleyball. But that didn't make leaving Akaashi any harder. Tsukshima didn't respond to his texts, and judging from Kuroos reaction when he asked, he had also been ignoring Kuroo.
Tsukishima's friend Yamaguchi said it's because Tsukishima doesn't want them to go. But Tsukishima would be fine, he knew it. He had Yamaguchi and Karosano and even his brother who they had recently met. Tsukki wasn't going to be alone.
However, he agreed to join them into visiting him, waiting outside his door with cake and flowers. They all were let in by a smiling Yamaguchi, who quickly left, telling Kei to talk to them.
They sat in Keis room for hours. The white carpet was warm with the sun beating down on it. Tetsurou’s steady and caring voice was pleasing and Kejii was rubbing his back. Bokuto had cried, telling them that he loved them, and he was going to miss Tsukki and Akaashi and Kuroo. They all cried.
They laid down in Keis bed, cuddling close, and whispering. Bokuto's fingers were lost in Kuroo's hair, and Akaashi was nuzzled into his chest and a snarky Tsukishima told Kuroo to keep rubbing his back.
But eventually, each of them got up, peeling off each other to go into the kitchen for dinner. One at a time they left when they heard Tsukishima's brother call for them.
Bokuto was left alone on the bed.
Later in college they all moved in together, to make it official.
Those were the best nights.
They would spend hours playing games and watching movies. They’d chug alcohol and make dumb desisions. They once shaved off one of Bokuto's eyebrows, and even put dye in Tsukishima's shampoo. Bright orange to match Hinata. How him and Kuroo survived, they will never know.
They adopted a cat named Hime, because she was Kuroos princess.
They had sex everywhere, shower, bed kitchen. Anytime they wanted. They would play strip poker and truth or dare, getting into mischief all the time, and learning more and more things about each other until there was nothing left to learn.
But those days were not perfect either.
Everyone had their own classes to go with their major. And to top it off, Tsukishima and Akaashi had gotten a job on campus. Kuroo would work down at the fish market from time to time, and come home with tales of the sea that his friends at work shared. Tsukishima had a job at the library, and Akaashi worked in sorting papers at the front offices. Tsukishima would talk about how annoying the seniors were, yelling in the quiet room, and how the freshmans scared attitude would piss him off more. Akaashi would rarely complain, unless he was being pushed around by Professor Honda, she hated poor Akaashi for some reason. She had given him a C on one of his essays, saying that it was boring. An essay he had stayed up nights writing that she didn't even finish reading.
Bokuto was busy too, classes and volleyball practice, and the endless pile of homework.
After college, he joined a professional volleyball team, and it would take him on trips all over the world, competing and meeting people. He’d spend hours on call with Kuroo, Akaashi and Tsukishima, ranting about how the bus rides were and gushing about the sights.
Eventually, he found a new team, one that travelled less, in Tokyo, where Kuroo had taken up buisness in a sports managing company. Keiji stayed at home, editing his final papers for college and then for his publishing job at a local book company. Kei enjoyed his time at the museum, taking care of artifacts, and sorting through the archives. He spent his days restoring paintings, and dusting ancient pottery.
Despite them being away all day, Bokuto found joy in the nights, when they’d have dinner. They would take turns cooking and mostly cooked together, getting flour all over each other, or Kuroo and Bokuto flinging food at each other. Which Hime was more than happy to eat for them.
They’d eat and talk about their day, Kei about new shipments into the archives, and Keji about the books hes editing, the tales and the behind the scenes drama unfolding at the firm. Tetsurou would talk about Kenma, who he visited often to ensure he didn't rot in his penthouse. He’d also talk about sponsorships for different sports teams. Koutarou would gush about his games, and enjoyed having boyfriends who understood what he was talking about.
They’d spend hours talking, and hours in silence. They would cuddle on the couch, too tired for games and dares, just tired men, enjoying the light of the tv. They’d walk to bed, or if one fell asleep, carry them to bed. No more sex rampages, if there was any, it was slow and delicate.
They got married. Unofficial of course, as none of them wanted to lose his job. They treasured their ring in private, like a silent promise. For Bokuto it was a promise that even though they left they would come back.
Bokuto retired from volleyball. He still taught a local team, coaching them to nationals. His husbands loved the boys, rooting for them. Over the many years, each of them found it harder and harder to go into work. The pains came with age. Backs ached, joints hurt, eyes didn't work all that well.
Soon Bokuto couldn't play volleyball anymore.
He had always expected volleyball to be there, but in the moment it was gone, he was ok.
He had his husbands, and he didn't need volleyball anymore. They might leave, but they’ll come back. That was their promise.
They spent more and more time together. Morning coffee, as the sun was well into their apartment. Hime long past, but her collar is still hanging by the door. Kuroko's bedhead strong even when grey, even though Tsukki commented on him losing hair. Akaashi would kiss them good morning, and go to water his flowers on the balcony. And together, they would start the day. If it was Thursday, they’d go grocery shopping. If it was friday, they’d go meet up with some old friends.
It was a simple, perfect life. Bokuto could think of nothing better than waking up next to them.
Kuroo was the first to leave. It had been a rainy day in Tokyo, he had been visiting Kenma, cane in hand, waiting at a crosswalk for the green light to turn when a car spun off the road. By the time the light went from green to red, Kuroo had already left.
Bokuto cried, begging for him to come back. Akaashi held on to him, clutching his wrists in a desperate attempt to make Bokuto stay too. Tsukishima hid himself in their room, holding Kuroo’s Nekoma jacket, the one Kuroo never threw out.
Every morning, they made Kuroo a cup of coffee, and saved him a seat at the table.
Once Bokuto brought up Kuroo, remembering fondly of the time they had lost a bet and had to strip and run across campus. Tsukishima left the room.
Akaashi went to talk to him, and they both came out of the bathroom, crying and Tsukshima buried himself into Bokuto. He mouthed a thank you to Akaashi.
They could speak about Kuroo from then on. Bokuto had no idea what Akaashi had said to Tsukishima, but it had worked.
Akaashi was next to leave. It had been in bed, the morning after they celebrated their 35th anniversary, the fourth without Kuroo. They had visited him that day. They had gone to bed, talking about Kuroo and about highschool. Memories of the summer training camp had faded, but they shared what they could recall. He remembered Akaashis being tired, and patting Tsukishima on the head as he reminisced about how sour the blonde was. Tsukki smiled, and said he's glad it didn't scare them off.
When the sun came in through the window, it awoke Bokuto, and then Tsukishima awoke after, creeping quietly out to not awake his lover. After making a cup for Kuroo they made a cup of tea for Akaashi. Tsukishima went to give it to him, and found him smiling fondly, eyes closed, sun glowing on his face. Tsukishima went to wake him, shaking him gently. Keiji didn't wake up to see his tea, or to see Keis broken face. Bokuto had run in at the sound of a tea cup breaking. He saw Akaashi’s face, and then heard Tsukishima's scream.
Akaashi’s face was so beautiful. Bokuto wondered what he could have dreamed about. Was it about the third gym? Bokuto hoped so.
Tsukishima was a wreck, to put it lightly. Bokuto was his elder, and tried to guide him through it, but he wanted to cry just as much.
“They had to leave Kei. They had to go.”
“But i dont want them to go! They were supposed to stay! Why couldn't they stay!”
Bokuto held him.
“No one stays Kei. No one stays forever.”
The days became like clock work. When they woke up, they'd make Kuroo’s coffee and then go water and tend to Akaashi’s flowers. They bloomed so lovely in the spring, reds, golds and whites. All the petals would come dancing off the balcony and to the streets below. Every night the two of them sat and ate dinner. Koutarou would make Tsukishima laugh for the first time since Tetsurou, which was a complement. No one could make Tsukki smile like Kuroo.
Bokuto comforted Tsukishima on days where the other would just stare at the photobooks. He would phone Yamaguchi with Bokuto, and ask to speak to Yamaguchi's granddaughter, who adored Kei and Bokuto. They alway wore their rings. And on Sundays they visited Keiji and Tetsurou. The bed felt empty, after many years of four. Memories painted the halls. Years of love, years of them...it all felt empty, but Kei made it bearable.
Tsukishima memories left before he did. It wasn't quick like Tetsurou or Keiji. Tsukishima slowed down. His thin frame made bruising easy, and his eyesight got worse everyday. He once found Kei crying in the living room, holding a broken frame from Bokuto and Kuroos graduation day, Akaashi being picked up bridal style by Bokuto and Kuroo hugged Tsukishima. Tsukkis hands gripped the shattered frames shaking.
“i-I cant see them..”
Keis voice wavered, as he blinked tears away, caressing Kuroos face, and brushing the glass off of Akaashi.
“I can't even see them!” he yelled, breaking down. Bokuto had trouble kneeling down to where Kei had fallen. “I-I can barely r-remember what they looked like.”
Bokuto, at a loss for words, only rubbed his back.
“Kuroo….Akaashi” Kei just sobbed their names like a chant. So he wouldn't forget.
Keis memories left slowly.
And it hurt all the more.
Bokuto didn't know what hurt more, the days where Tsukki was crying over the loss of his two lovers, or the days he didn't remember they were gone.
He would start dinner, saying that it was his turn. He’d make Kuroo’s favorite because ‘he's a picky eater.’
He’d set out the plates and ask when they’d be home. And Bokuto wished more than anything that they’d come through those doors. They never did, and Bokuto ushered Tsukishima to bed.
Once Kei awoke saying he was late for high school and that he had to get there before the shrimp did. Bokuto laughed at that, which startled Tsukishima.
The day Kei left hurt him the most though. It was night, and the moon was out. Tsukishima sat on the couch, waiting. Bokuto said he should go to bed but Tsukishima shook his head.
“I'm waiting for them. They should be home by now.”
Bokuto gave a weak smile.
“Kei, they’re gonna be late. There's no point staying up.” Bokuto's voice wavered. “A-akaashi wouldn't like to hear you stayed up late.”
Tsukishima's face scrunched in concentration. “No...he wouldn't.”
Bokuto went to help him but Tsukshima refused.
“Come on Tsukki, you need to go to bed.”
“I want to wait for them. I-i need to tell them something!”
Bokuto sat down next to him. “What do you need to tell them Tsukki?”
Kei sat in deep thought. “I don't know...it was something…”
Bokuto sat quietly, waiting.
“I..” Tsukishima looked at the door. “I just want to tell them I love them...and I'm sorry…”
“Sorry? For what?”
“I was...scared of loving….I pushed them away… I need to tell them..i need to-”
“They know Kei.” Bokuto said gently. “They know.”
Kei just nodded. “I'm going to tell them anyway. That damn cat head probably has been waiting.”
Bokuto laughed. “Yeah, I'm sure they have.”
Tsukishima sat there waiting. He leaned on Bokuto's shoulder as they sat. After an hour, Bokuto shook him slightly.
“Kei, we need to go to bed.”
Tsukishima did not wake up.
There was a point in Bokuto's life that he thought he would be playing volleyball forever.
He truly believed that volleyball was his everything.
His everything was Tetsurou’s grin. Keijis eyes and Keis voice.
It was in their touch, their presence, their love.
It was locked in the moments they spent together, and even in the moments they werent.
He visited their graves.
He made Kuroo a cup of coffee.
He watered Akaashis flowers.
And he set up Tsukishima’s blanket on the couch after washing it.
He even gave Himes bell a jingle every morning.
It was in the silence that he realized it.
All his life people had left, making him feel empty, loniley, abandoned. But now, he felt none of those things. Despite having lost it all.
Bokuto sat at the kitchen table one morning, wondering why. Why wasn't he lonely or upset? Why wasn't he mad or angry? He should be, they had left him.
His hand makes a fist on the table, and he sees it.
The shining ring.
The coffee mug.
The flowers.
The blanket.
The promise.
Bokuto laughs for the first time in a long time. The first time since Kuroo left.
The promise they had made to each other. He touches the ring and smiles. The reason they set out all those things.
A promise that even though they left they would come back.
They hadn't left him, not really.
They had moved on to be together. Keiji left to be with Kuroo, and the Tsukishima left to be with them too. He smiled and laughed as he imagined Akaashi’s face when he saw Kuroo again, and he could hear Kuroo shout for Tsukki when he arrived.
They were waiting for him. Waiting for him to go to the place where no one could leave. Maybe that's why Akaashi was smiling. And maybe that's why Tsukkishima was planning on talking to them. They knew. They were always so smart.
Bokuto sat alone at the table, and he could hear Himes bell ringing as Kuroo slurped his coffee extra loud to annoy a sleepy Tsukishima. And Akaashi warned him to knock it off from the balcony.
They never left.
Bokuto dreams. He dreams of summer nights, and beetles, and volleyball courts,
He dreams of cricket and fireflies, and an old gym, that only the four of them know.
He was going to play volleyball with them again. He saw the door, the gym and the net.
He saw them, young as the day they all met, talking.
He stepped into the gym and they looked at him, wide eyed.
“Hey, hey hey! Did you miss me?”