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Samatoki had always had a difficult relationship with his own birthday.
Generally speaking, it wasn't something he considered worth celebrating. Being born into a world like this felt more like a punishment if anything, and he got to feel that for the first few birthdays in his life. They had never been better than any other shitty day of the year, his father never gave a damn what day it was, so he never really celebrated his birthday either. His mother would often attempt to hold something along the lines of a celebration, after all the 11th of November was her only beacon of hope, but there was only so much she could do with that monster looming over both of them.
Then Nemu was born. Sure, he didn't give a shit about his own birthday, but he did give a shit about hers because it may as well have counted as one of the best days in his life of endless shitty days. Therefore, he had always made it a point to celebrate the 1st of August properly. When they still lived at home, he would usually try to sneak her out and do something nice for her, anything to get her away from the hell that was their day to day life. Once they both lived on their own, Nemu had decided she didn't want to make a huge deal out of her birthday either, so Samatoki begrudgingly accepted to keep any sort of celebration lowkey.
The price he had to pay, however, was that Nemu insisted that if they celebrate her birthday, they had to celebrate his too. He supposed he could live with that. And so, for the past 19 years, she had always been there on his birthday and, once old enough to grasp such concepts, had tried to make the day a happy one for him. The thing was, she really didn't have to try, her mere existence was what gave him the strength to fight, but she still did try and it always worked. He had started to appreciate his birthday for that alone, much like he could appreciate life even if solely for the fact that he had been blessed with such a wonderful sister.
Then everything changed.
'The world has no need for someone like you.'
Samatoki bit his tongue, pressed the end of a cigarette into the ashtray with way more force than necessary and then immediately reached for another cigarette, a futile attempt to calm the storm in his head that just wouldn't shut up.
'And having such a bad seed among my kin...is embarrassing.'
Samatoki had tried so hard to drown out the words, he really had. He had told himself over and over again that this hadn't been her, that she hadn't meant it. He knew for a fact that this was all Ramuda's, no, Chuohku's doing and that she would never ever truly say something like that, yet...he couldn't shake it off. The look of disgust on her face, the poisonous tone in her voice...he wanted to cry at the mere thought of it, but Samatoki didn't fucking cry. The last time he did was when Sasara left. No, when Sasara was taken away from him. Just like Nemu. Fuck. He was so fucking tired of this.
He kicked the coffee table in front of him hard, the bottle of whatever booze shaking at the impact before it fell over and rolled off the edge and onto the floor. Not like he gave a shit.
There he was, on November 11th, now at age 26, sitting on his couch, stuck between wallowing in his misery, trying to wash it away with alcohol and tobacco, and being tempted to give in to his destructive tendencies and turn this whole room upside down. Despair and anger mixed with the toxic substances and resulted in a downwards spiral tainting his entire body in nothing but darkness. In that moment, he didn't really care if it killed him.
After 19 years, he spent the first birthday of his without the person he cared about most, left all alone with himself again, and suddenly he remembered all the pain he had always swallowed down, never allowing it to see the surface so he could just pretend that everything was fine and that he wasn't some fucked up bastard who wasn't even worth celebrating a birthday over. He remembered all of it, felt all of it, clawing at his insides and slithering under his skin, filling him with the need to scratch at it until the feeling went away, pressing down at his ribcage and making it impossible to breathe past the lump in his throat, blurring his vision and filling his ears with a ringing that made it impossible to focus on anything. He felt like he was dying, drowning in a sea of everything that he had tried to forget, sinking deeper and deeper until the light above the surface would fade away and his lungs would give in to the need for air and instead inhale water and-
And then he felt a hand on his shoulder, pulling him back out of the water and into reality. In the fog that he was still trying to clear, he whipped around and grabbed the arm of his intruder, bending it behind the person's back and trying to pin them into place, ready to knock out whoever it was that had broken into his home.
Halfway through, however, he stopped and realized that said intruder in his grasp was none other than his partner and friend, Jyuto. Next to him Rio, who looked ready to pry the two others apart before Samatoki mumbled a 'sorry' as he let go and stepped back. He couldn't look at either of them.
"Well, that was quite the warm welcome, was it not?" Jyuto teased as he stretched his arm to relieve the tension. His tone was playful as ever but Jyuto didn't miss the way Samatoki's eyes were wide and unfocused or the way his hands shook.
"How the fuck did ya get in here?" Samatoki tried to sound pissed and threatening, but his voice came out raw and strained, his composure hardly regained so quickly.
Jyuto merely raised an eyebrow, "You gave me a spare key once, remember? We rang a few times but you didn't open up so we figured we'd let ourselves in."
"Actually, I objected because I assumed you would have a reason for not opening, but I'm afraid Jyuto did not listen to me. I apologize," came Rio's voice with that gentle damn tone and that gentle damn expression of his.
Samatoki couldn't stand this right now. "Fuck off," he spat, turning away entirely and grabbing the 6th cigarette within the past 30 minutes as he sat back down. "Don't you have anythin' better to do than to break into my apartment to piss me off?"
It was maybe 1 pm on a Wednesday, at least Jyuto should be plenty busy with work right now instead of paying him a stupid, spontaneous visit.
His teammates did of course not fuck off, but instead took a seat opposite of Samatoki. "Not particularly. Nothing that can't wait, anyway."
"Why are you here, dipshit?"
"Isn't that obvious?" The cop questioned back as Rio went to grab a box from the other table and placed it in front of Samatoki.
It was a white box with blue highlights and a bit of glitter, along with a smaller package taped to the top, definitely the likes of a present box. Oh, fuck this. "This is for you, please do open it," ushered the ex-navy.
Samatoki wanted to argue and tell them to fuck off again, he wasn't in the damn mood for any of this, but he didn't have it in him to tell them off either. So instead he pulled the small package from the box and unwrapped the paper slowly to reveal a silver lighter. Samatoki could immediately tell that it was made off proper material and on the sides were carvings that vaguely resembled the skull, coffin and speakers of his own Hypnosis Microphone ability. Even his initials were imprinted at the top of the carving, with the initials of their division name at the bottom. A custom-made lighter from his friends for his stupid birthday.
He stared at the object in his hand for another while before he decided he'd choke up if he looked at it any longer and moved to flip the box open instead. In it, he found a chocolate-cherry cake. His favorite. On the top, a "Happy Birthday" message written in red frosting glared at him. Somehow looking at the cake made him angry and part of him wanted to kick the entire table along with the cake upside down, but he knew that wouldn't be fair to the others, who had gone out of their way to get him a damn birthday present.
Finally, he looked up at the two males that were looking back at him with an expecting look. Rio looked proud of their little present and almost excited to see Samatoki's reaction, Jyuto was no different, even if he tried to hide it a little harder (which never worked. Jyuto would pride himself in his secretive attitude but to Samatoki he had become an open book).
"Why?" Samatoki asked again, voice cold and with no indication that he was happy about any of this. "How do you even know it's my goddamn birthday? I never tell anyone for good fucking reasons."
Both of their faces fell and it just made the awful feeling in Samatoki's chest bubble up again.
Jyuto was the first to regain his composure, "I have access to pretty much all your personal information, in case you forgot. So I thought it would be a nice gesture of us to appreciate this day, but it seems that you don't like it..." He trailed off in the end, defeat written all over his face. Samatoki hated that look and he hated that it was all his fault even more.
"We did not mean to offend you," added Rio, who looked even more disappointed.
Samatoki grit his teeth, then shook his head. "Bullshit," he started, realized he couldn't hold it in anymore, and let out the first sob before he was able to continue. "Fuck you guys, I like it. I do fucking like it-"
He really didn't want to cry, especially not in front of Jyuto and Rio, but he just couldn't do it anymore. On that fateful day that had changed his entire life, he had sworn that he wasn't ever going to cry again, but he was too overwhelmed with the reminder that, even after everyone that had left him, he wasn't alone. He had Mad Trigger Crew, they were his damn friends, partners, and if he was at his worst, they were there to help pick him up again. Just like on that day he encountered Nemu, when they stood between him and the officials, disregarding orders and standing up against Chuohku because they cared about Samatoki.
"Then why are you crying...?" Rio asked now concerned.
Samatoki wiped at his eyes before he sluggishly pulled himself from his seat and instead moved over to the couch where the other two sat, taking up the space between them, burying his face in Rio's shoulder. "'Cus you guys are the only fucking thing I have left in this hellhole," eventually came the reply of Samatoki.
At that, Rio pulled the younger male closer, wrapping an arm around his back and using his free hand to wipe at the damp cheeks, even if his crying had not yet ceased. Later Samatoki was probably going to regret letting his emotions get the better of him to the point he had to be this vulnerable in front of someone else, but for the time being he was simply too tired to care. He'd just blame it on the alcohol or something.
"Oh, Samatoki..." Jyuto sighed behind him, running a hand through white hair in a soothing motion before slinging his arm around Samatoki's front in a similar fashion to Rio. He then rested his head against Samatoki's back, the yakuza still leaning against Rio, who had shifted slightly so that Samatoki's head would be resting more comfortably on his chest.
"You're not alone in this. We got your back, you know?" said the voice behind him.
"That's right. No matter what hardships we may encounter, we'll face them together. We're Mad Trigger Crew, after all," concluded the navy.
Samatoki merely nodded, not trusting his voice at that moment, and cried a little harder. They were right. He wasn't alone. He didn't have to go through all of that pain alone. He could allow himself to rely on those two and ease the burden weighing him down. God, what did he do to deserve them?
"Thank you, guys..." Samatoki mumbled after he had finally managed to calm down again.
"Of course. Now, how about we have some cake? I'm sure that will lift your spirits," Rio smiled at him, which Samatoki couldn't help but mirror ever so slightly.
"You lift my spirits," Samatoki replied in a somewhat teasing tone while he peeled himself off of Rio, who stood up to grab 3 plates, forks and a knife.
Jyuto also got up and Samatoki couldn't help but wince at the sudden lack of warmth next to him. "Ew, gross. You're way too cheesy when you're being soft."
"Hah?! What was that, you shitty cop?! Come back here so I can kill ya!" Samatoki yelled after the older male, his face turning red as if it were competing with the color of his eyes.
Meanwhile, Rio arrived back at the table and set down the dishes. "That's no reason to argue, is it? Anyway, would the birthday kid like to cut the cake or should I?"
Samatoki rolled his eyes. "Nah, I'm good. You go ahead," he said to Rio before turning back to look at Jyuto, who had disappeared in the kitchen. "Seriously though, get your ass back here! What are you even doin'?!"
As Rio cut three pieces out of the cake and slid them onto each plate, Jyuto finally returned with a bottle of wine and glasses for each of them. "What's a cake without a good glass of wine? I thought I would find something worth the occasion in your cabinet, and so I did." Samatoki should probably object to more alcohol since he already had a good amount in him that would probably kick in soon, but a glass of wine along with his favorite cake did sound hella good.
"I like the way you think," he grinned and took the glasses from Jyuto to place them next to the plates with cake that Rio had finished setting up. "You're staying the night then, though. I ain't letting ya drive home drunk."
"Good, because I didn't intend to leave you alone anyway."
"Me neither."
And so, Rio and Jyuto sat down next to Samatoki again, they filled their glasses and toasted not only to Samatoki but also to them as a group. Samatoki, who liked sweets way more than he would admit, immediately went for his piece of cake, which of course happened to be the biggest one, and indulged not only in the taste of the cake, but also the simmering heat in his throat from the wine and the presence of his partners.
Suddenly Samatoki didn't mind the fact that it was his birthday anymore, the earlier stress all but forgotten as the three of them talked about anything and nothing. Once done eating, he draped himself all over the other two, yearning for the domestic physical contact and the comfort it brought him.
If this was what his birthdays were going to be like from now on, he thought he might just start looking forward to them.