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Yo guys! So as we’re starting another series, that basically follows on from last one but you know who an be assed to read all that shit am I right? Anyway author lady decided to let me have one more go at recapping the story for you all.
I only agreed on the understanding we get more Spideypool goodness. You’re welcome.
Now where the fuck am I going to start with summarising all the shit that happened in – what did she call the damn thing? Oh yeah! ‘Another Chance’. What a shit name. Mind you not like ‘HYDRA Rising’ is any better. Spoiler much?
Anyway back to summarising. Before she threatens to have my Baby Boy run off with someone else. ‘But Mr Pool’ I hear you say, ‘you aren’t foreshadowing there are you? Surely not!’ All I can say people: the author can be a bitch. Seriously don’t believe her when she says she’s sorry for the horrible shit she puts us poor defenceless characters through. Sadistic.
Anyhoo. So here’s what happened in the first series if you can’t remember or can’t be assed to read it (don’t bother, the only good bits were the Spideypool bits and they weren’t often enough to warrant a read):
So Iron Man gets all mopey and decides he wants to get the team back. So he does, altering the Accords and getting the Rogues back one at a time and making sure everyone’s one nice big happy family. Petey-Perfect-Pumpkin-Pie gets a new friend. Yes that’s me. But he’s smart enough to keep it away from the Avengers at first, and surprisingly enough (yes I would like some sauce with my sarcasm, thank you) they all love him. Iron Man goes all Iron Dad on him; Widow gets herself a Baby Spider; Wanda decides to adopt herself a new brother. Really it is all one big happy family. Sickening right?
Loads of tension between Cap and Tin Can, which alternates between arguments and near kisses. Oh my GOD did it take them forever to get together or what? We also find out old Snowflake (aka the Winter Soldier) has a bit of a thing for Tin Can too, and our Stony nearly became a Winter Iron. But then Tin Can gets threatened by Hammer who is now working for HYDRA (“No? Really? We didn’t see that coming a mile off” I hear you all say), then Hammer turns up at Petey’s school and tries to threaten him and Tin Can turns up and is all “fuck off and don’t touch my kid, Hammer” so then Hammer gets his buddies HYDRA to try and catch Tin Can and Peter. Luckily Peter calls me, rest of the team turns up, and we get Tin Can and Peter out of there and off to safety at the facility.
Then, OF COURSE, Peter and Tin Can have an argument, Tin Can gets captured and we spend ages trying to find him. Oh and by the way? Peter knows who Daredevil is. Still hasn’t told me when that happened or how. Oh wait! But me and Petey Pie actually get together as well! Although he’s not happy I’m all responsible adult about it.
Anyhoo: save Tin Can, Stony actually get together and everyone seems happy. Then they work out Ross is working with HYDRA and Tin Can decides to get Fury to help him change the Accords and break the Avengers away from the UN. Oh and then Thor, Banner and Loki turn up with some Asgardians and warn everyone about Thanos. Basically then it’s just planning until Loki sends Thor and Valkyrie off to get a replacement hammer.
What’s happened next? Oh yeah Peter got possessed by a killer alien, but he’s fine now. Kids these days will bounce back from anything. Even Covid.
Too soon? Author lady says it’s too soon. Fuck her.
What next? Oh yeah! So Bucky tries to get Loki to help him with not being mind controlled. Ends up back firing and now the two have a freaky telepathic mind link. Oh the fun I could have with Peter with one of those….I’m wondering who’s going to have the inappropriate thoughts first. My money’s on Snowflake. I’m going to start a sweepstake. Anyway then Loki sees there’s Jotun runes on some pictures from one of Stark funded projects and he and Barnes and Stony go to Norway to check it out.
Turns out Ice Queen has a half brother from Jotunheim who is now the king and wants to kill him so he can’t take over the throne. Some weird shitty overly contrived reason anyway. Important thing is: Loki ends up having to kill his half brother and now he’s king of Jotunheim. Yep still predictable as shit.
Now what was next? Oh yeah! Alternative take on Infinity War and let’s save time by saying: Battle of Wakanda with all the heroes there; contrived reason to get Guardians to turn up; Gamora’s still dead. So’s Vision. Banner can now Hulk out. Storm turned up – because that’s not even more contrived than the rest of this shit is it? But hey at least the rest of the spandex squad isn’t there, just her and her tribe. Basically an excuse for the author to show she’s done some research into the comics. Big deal.
And of course everyone wants to know: does Tin Can still die? How do they beat Thanos? Well we still get the stones to the Iron Gauntlet, but its yours truly who plays the hero and snaps his fingers. So saving Tin Can, the universe, wiping out Thanos, oh and saving the author a ton in not being sued for emotional distress.
Then it gets proper freaky: I turn up dead and speak to Death. As in Lady Death. Oh and not only that: she proposes to me. I mean talk about out of the blue right? Not even one date!
I turn her down. She threatens Peter. I threaten her. I go back to life and everyone is happy and starts planning to change the Accords.
So there you go! One big summary of the previous series. Now you can either say: “thank god I don’t have to waste my time reading that shit”, or: “hmm I’ll see what this story is like then maybe I’ll check it out”.
My advice? Go with the first.
Later losers!
Deadpool