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The first time it happened, he wasn’t even sure that it did.
They were out with their friends at the arcade, the summer before their senior year in high school. Finn and Poe were playing Dance, Dance, Revolution, and Rose was off cheering on Armie at one of the many pinball machines. That left Ben and Rey, wandering the arcade until they found PacMan.
“Ooo, I grew up playing this. I bet I can beat you, Solo.”
He scoffed at her. “Why is everything always a competition to you?”
“What, are you scared I’m right?”
He squinted his eyes, a corner of his mouth lifting. “You’re on.”
“You can even go first, if you’d like.”
Ten minutes and two games later, he was toast.
When she finally lost all her players, she smugly pointed at her final score, a few thousand above Ben’s.
“Gotcha.” Then, her mouth opened really wide, and her eyes got really big and squinty.
“What- what the hell are you doing?” He snickered through his annoyance at his lower score. This was definitely making up for losing at such a childish game.
“What do you mean?” she said, still doing whatever it was she was doing with her face. Finally, her hazel eyes shut and opened again quickly. “I winked, duh.”
And that’s when he felt it. His heart skipped a beat, and a flutter of butterflies made their home in his stomach, where they would secretly live for years to come.
--
The summer after they threw their caps into the air and declared themselves adults in the eyes of the world, the gang made a point to spend as much time with each other as they possibly could before going their separate ways in the fall. Well, at least some of them. Armie was headed to, well, the Army, and Poe and Finn were off to CalTech to join their engineering program. Rose, Rey and Ben were all headed to the University of Penn State, which Ben did not intentionally pick because of a certain high school crush. After all, they weren’t in high school anymore.
But maybe it wasn’t still just a crush either.
“Rose, I can’t believe Paige got us beer , she’s so fucking awesome,” Rey said as she flipped the bottle cap off her IPA and sat next to Ben around the firepit. “Ben, do you want one?”
“Not one of those IPAs, they’re disgusting.” He made a face, and Rey rolled her eyes. “Finn, hand me one of those Angry Orchards?”
“One Angry Orchard for one Angry Man, coming right up!”
“I’m not always angry,” Ben said defensively with a straight face, unamused with his friend. Rey placed a hand on his shoulder, causing the butterflies to bounce around at her warm touch. The roaring fire next to him was nothing compared to the fire starting in him when he was close to Rey, no matter how many times he tried to douse it. He cursed her silently for looking so naturally beautiful with the amber light from the fire reflected in her eyes and her loose strands flowing in the breeze.
“Well, you have the worst case of RBF that I’ve ever seen. You might want to work on that if you want any new friends in college.”
“Maybe I don’t want any new friends,” he smirked.
“Not even a… girlfriend ?”
Then, there it was again.
Her mouth dropped open, and her eyebrows shot to the sky, and she squinted.
Ben smiled sweetly at Rey, who even after years of trying, could not ever manage to learn to wink.
“You still can’t do that, can you?”
Rey groaned, taking a giant swig of her beer. “Whatever, maybe I’ll never be able to. I should just stop trying.”
“Oh, you should definitely not stop trying. The Rey I know isn’t a quitter.”
She peered at him with her drink still in his mouth, like she was trying to guess what game he was playing.
“Who are you and what have you done to my bickering old man of a friend?”
Ben took a drink, shrugging. “I don’t know, maybe he thought it was time for a change.”
She leaned in, a soft smile on her lips. Ben tried not to think about them, or how they’d taste or move on his own. His heart beat a little faster.
“Don’t ever change, Solo,” she whispered, before standing up and walking off to the house, leaving Ben smiling into the flames.
--
Second semester of freshman year was definitely better than the first. First semester, no one knows what they’re doing, and everyone is just trying to figure out who they are now that they’re in college, some hundreds of miles away from home. Some are exploring new freedom, but second semester, everyone has settled into their new life with their new people.
While he’d never admit it, Rey had been the reason Ben even had new people. Every weekend, she dragged him to all the parties she was invited to, and a few she wasn’t. He always said no at first, but she’d give him puppy eyes and he would sigh in annoyance; he couldn’t ever say no to her, even if he really wanted.
One night, after finals, Rey pulled him out to a party at a friend’s house not too far from campus.
“This guy I met in class is supposed to meet me,” she explained in her fast voice as they approached the house, telling Ben that she was excited. She always talked so fast when she was excited about something, normally he thought it adorable. “God, he’s just so hot, I can’t wait to- well, nevermind.” They reached the front door, her cheeks turning a bit pink as she looked down at her feet. Ben felt his heart drop, like it always did when she talked about other guys. “Anyways,” she changed the subject as they entered the house, “I’m gonna go find Rose and something to drink. Catch you in a bit?”
Ben nodded, wandering through the crowded living room where people were lounging on the couch and dancing to the horribly loud blasting music. Eventually he made his way to the kitchen, but Rey was nowhere to be found. After grabbing an IPA from the cooler sitting on the floor, he went out into the backyard where several people were gathered around a small bonfire. He took a drink, annoyed but happy that his taste buds acquired the love of IPAs thanks to Rey basically forcing him to drink it.
There were a couple logs around the bonfire, and he sat down at one of them, hoping to avoid conversation. Half an hour later, he finished his drink but was still sitting in the same place. Suddenly, another IPA was in front of his face. He looked up to see who the hand belonged to.
“Rey, hey,” he said with surprise in his voice. “I thought you’d be with your hot man right about now.” He took the drink and twisted the lid off.
She sat down next to him, dejected. “Well, he showed up, but with another girl. I guess he thought we were friends, but just friends.” She let out a sound of frustration and fell onto Ben’s shoulder. He tensed at the sudden touch, but relaxed into her. “Gah, why don’t guys know when I’m flirting with them?”
Ben stifled a laugh, and Rey looked up at him with a glare that could kill. “What the hell are you laughing at, you jerk?”
“Rey, I don’t know how to tell you this, but you can’t flirt. You’re terrible at it.”
She sat up straight and frowned. “ I can to! I can totally flirt, you’ve just never seen it, Solo.”
“Prove it.”
She glared again, but then took a big drink and set down the bottle. “Fine. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“Hey, I’m pretty, and you’re cute, together we’d be… Pretty Cute.” She turned her head slightly to the right and leaned in, mouth agape and eyes wide. She blinked awkwardly hard, causing Ben to lift up a fist to cover his mouth.
Rey’s shoulders fell and she made a sound of defeat. “I give up. I can’t flirt, I can’t wink, I can’t even get a guy to really ask me out on a date. College is stupid.”
She gazed into the fire, sipping on her drink. He hated seeing her like this, crushed by some guy who wasn’t even good enough to walk the same ground as her. Ben wanted to go find him and tell him how much of an idiot he was for not being interested in her, but instead, he gathered up his courage and decided to take a chance. After all, wasn’t college about taking chances, trying new things? He took a deep breath.
“Rey, will you go out to dinner with me?”
She turned around to face him, throwing her hands in the air. “Exactly like that! Why can’t a guy just say that to me? How hard was that?”
More than you know, he thought, kicking himself for not expecting her to completely miss his true intention. Of course she would be oblivious. He smiled, though, knowing that this was one of the little things he’d always loved about her, and continued on. He couldn’t let this moment slip away from him, not after all these years of wanting this. Of wanting her.
“No, Rey,” he spoke softly as he took one of her hands into his. He tried again. “Will you go out to dinner with me?”
Confusion swept over her face before making way for realization. “Oh. OH. Oh. ”
Although she hadn’t said an answer yet, he suspected he still had a chance since she hadn’t let go of his hand. In fact, she brought her other hand over on top of his.
“Is that a yes?”
She smiled, and his heart melted like marshmallows being roasted over a fire.
“On one condition.” She broadened her smile.
He furrowed his brows, unsure of what could possibly prevent him from finally taking out the girl of his dreams.
“You teach me how to wink.”
Ben rolled his head back in a laugh, letting go of her hands. “Alright, alright. Do what I do.” He lifted a hand to cover his left eye, and she mirrored his action.
“Now blink.”
She did.
“There you go, you have successfully winked. Now will you go to dinner with me, Rey?”
She chuckled, then pulled him in for a kiss. As soon as her soft lips were on his, he swore he heard angels sing. He’d wondered and waited for this for years, and he kissed her back gently, before running his hand through her wavy brown hair and deepening the kiss. She responded with a small whimper, and pulled him closer to her, wrapping her arms around his neck. After a minute of tongues dancing and hands beginning to explore, they heard someone clear their throat. Ben and Rey broke apart to find Rose standing before them, hand on her hip and a quirked brow on her face.
“Finally!” she exclaimed, nodding and clapping. “But it means I lost to Armie -- I had you two getting together this summer. Armie was the one who said it would be this semester.” She rolled her eyes and pulled out her phone. “Gotta call him to tell him the good news. But seriously, so happy for you guys!”
As she walked away, Rey turned back to Ben.
“Our friends were betting on this?” She covered her face in embarrassment. “Oh god, I’m so oblivious, aren’t I?”
“Yes, you are,” he said, taking her hands again. She deadpanned. “But as a wise woman once told me, don’t ever change.”
“Well, she sounds incredibly wise. You should listen to her more often.”
“I really should.” He glanced at her lips, and licked his own. “But you know, sometimes change is a good thing.”
She brought her face inches away from his. “Alright, you might be right about that.” Rey closed the gap, and Ben knew things would never be the same.