Chapter Text
There is not much that Felix can remember of his childhood,. except they are by far the happiest days of his life. Back when he would go through his days chasing Glenn, eavesdropping on the lessons and never-ending training his father gave him. Nights were when he, Dimitri, Sylvain, and Ingrid would spend time, just the four of them as their laughter filled Fhirdiad. Sweet nights, back in Felix’s memory, locked on, they are good, his favorites. He’d like it if they stayed that way.
Long ago, when he first met Dima, bowing down the way his father instructed him to the days before, it came easy as he watched people bend in front of his father, when Felix rose, two innocent wide sky blue eyes landed on him, Felix stared at them, mouth fell open dumbly, ‘can a pair of eyes be that big’, his brain contemplated on.
When Dimitri beamed at him brightly, Felix thought he won the lottery that day. That’s my new friend, he thought as their fingers tangled in a promise of seeing each other again.
Friend, a word foreign to Felix, yet it suits Dimitri perfectly when he holds onto his hand.
He recalls telling his old man, “His eyes are two blue moons, father.” As he shapes his fingers like circles. Rodrigue laughed at him then, ruffled his hair, and then called them royal blue eyes and Felix, innocently committed the words into his memory.
Felix's heart is strange at times and he doesn’t understand, a feeling that comes easy when he holds swords, or with Dimitri around. He turns a blind eye to it until it hopefully fades away peacefully. The same way he should learn to do instead of crying horribly to Sylvain every time Dimitri does not accompany them, whining and pouting whenever Dimitri is busy with princely tasks or when Glenn and Dimitri are assigned together for something. If truth be told, whenever something doesn’t go Felix’s way.
Dimitri is apologetic, Felix notes. His eyes are filled with something between guilt and a plea every time the king, Lambert speaks of Blaiddyd and Fraldarius' friendships, or regarding Dimitri’s future with the royal advisor, Glenn, praising his talent.
Felix doesn’t grasp the reason his heart wavers and wants to tear up, to steal away Dimitri from all of them. It’s simple, he wants to protect Dimitri, to help and serve him.
Felix is born after Dimitri, yet close to his birthday and he likes to think of it as a present.
The kingdom sky lights up at night similar to the sun on that special day, and the king throws feasts and balls for the young prince, and the people dance to the sound of his heart.
And little Felix, he only carries his gift between small fingers, his face gleaming with fresh tears at the frightening noise of the fireworks.
Dimitri runs to Felix when he spots him, so sweet, and unlike Glenn, he takes the present effortlessly and plants a gentle kiss at the top of Felix’s cheek. Felix crimsons against it, red when Dimitri thanks him. The prince has the whole world to celebrate with, yet he chooses Felix to share his happiness.
They sneak late at night to read from history books and novels that the librarian lady gave to Dimitri. While Dimitri is busy flaming the damp wood torches, Felix insists to bring the heavy sheets to lay under, and prove that Dimitri isn’t stronger than he is.
With Dimitri, Felix talks and doesn’t hinder his thoughts or the way his fingers trail on Dimitri’s own. With Dimitri Felix giggles, and cries.
“See, Loog and Kyphon didn’t have a child,” Dimitri claims, pointing his finger at a particular page.
“Why does that matter Dima?,” He huffs. “They defeated so many enemies and their adventures are still talked about.”
“Yes, but Fe, I’m saying we could be fighting so many opponents and still have a child together, we could combine our strength and raise him to be the greatest warrior.” Dimitri continues to argue.
“Together?” Felix seems more considerate when Dima mutters, “That’s what father says happens when two people love each other.”
“I suppose you’re right.” Felix agrees lastly.
“They get married and have children,” Dimitri emphasizes, while staring fondly at the drawing of the heros, they bear resemblance to them, and if Felix grows his hair longer than Glenn does, Felix wants to be drawn next to Dimitri in their armors.
“G-get married?” Felix feels himself redden, heat spreading uncontrollably to his cheeks. “You want to get married to me?” He slurs, pointing at himself and there is something soothing about the way Dimitri doesn’t understand the reason Felix falls startled at the proposal, almost as if it’s natural that they get wed.
“You do not?” Dimitri asks, confused.
“Y-yes, I do.” Felix answers too quickly.
However, the more Felix grows up, the more he realizes, he isn’t Dimitri’s Kyphon nor his bride. Glenn assures Felix that they don’t have to be Kyphon and Loog, they are greater as Felix and Dimitri.
Felix believes him.
Still, it’s hard to be the prince’s best friend, difficult when you want something more than that. What’s Felix’s use when he already has a shield, he already has his Kyphon.
Kyphon, was the sworn friend of Loog and that was enough for the tales and books.
It’s hard to be the prince’s best friend because he already has a future written for him. Dimitri can’t get to decide anything. Not like Felix truly does, he was raised to serve the king, and he was left to be himself. Dimitri was born to serve the kingdom. It’s hard, but Felix lives for challenges.
On the other hand, no matter how Felix studies it, he can’t make sense of it; Is it alright to care for this blue marble eyed child, Is it alright for his matters to pain Felix so infinitely that he wants to free the prince? Shouldn’t being a prince be really magnificent? Then, why does Dimitri feel so trapped?
The notions trail on his mind, he’ll dwell on them later, when they go back to their territory. They always do, there is always a goodbye between him and Dimitri. But for now, he doesn’t have to worry about it, he hasn’t met Dimitri since they arrived at night. Luckily he knows where to find him this morning.
So he roams, strolls throughout the castle, sure steps when he approaches the thumping of their steps echoing on the ground. The sun is high and up on Fhirdiad as usual, and Felix lives this memory again, almost memorizing it this time.
Finally, he catches the glimpse of his brother and the prince dueling, their swords clashing, glistening around them and on Felix’s eyes. Dimitri doesn’t break swords from the second swing anymore. He is in control of the weapon, more focused on beating his opponent. This is his favorite Dimitri, sweat drops falling, breeze teasing his golden locks and blue eyes gleaming with a hunger for victory.
A grin steals Felix’s lips.
“What happened, your highness? You seem about to break, weaker than I remember.” He hears Glenn, smug with a very visible smirk on his face and Felix decides to announce his presence. He is ready just as he is keen for a match with one of them. “Dima!! Come on, you know you can beat him.” Felix cheers for him, sword already in hand, anticipating his turn.
Dimitri smiles big and warm as summer, like he wasn’t preying on Glenn, wearing a predator’s eyes and breaking hands.
“Felix, you little shit you’re supposed to cheer for your brother! Don’t be like father, all siding with Dimitri.” Felix just laughs in his face and watches them, studies their footwork. It’s been said that Glenn fights like a dancer, and Felix can see easily why; you can’t take your eyes off his steps as he shapes art and Felix reminds himself, he has yet to defeat Glenn, to be by Dimitri’s side.
Lastly, Glenn claims victory with a satisfied smile, hair damp and glued to his face.
Dimitri disposes his sword in the yard and hurries to Felix’s side hugging him, rubbing his sweaty face into Felix’s, and who is Felix to complain about the prince?
“I’ve missed you so, Fe,” Dimitri says all dramatically, and so adoringly, Felix hums happily while pressing back at his side, uncaring of Dimitri’s gross wetness.
They catch up on everything they’ve done, even when they exchange letters, they aren’t enough to portray Dimitri. They waste the morning and day to chat, it’s only a few hours until Felix has to share Dimitri with Sylvain and Ingrid.
The first time Sylvain takes them to their 'secret hill' they're eagerly following him, for some reason they trusted him.
They agreed to meet before sunrise and after he and Sylvain spent the entire evening convincing Dimitri to ditch breakfast with the adults, and Ingrid had decided on escaping from her room too.
Sylvain brought some baked goods, as he promised them, ‘there are other enjoyments likewise on the training ground.’, Felix still thinks it’s nonsense but Dimitri bears an odd excitement when the older friend mentions a picnic on the top of the hill.
And so, they meet up in the cold morning, Sylvain and Felix are hardly awake, while the other two are filled with enthusiasm, lighting their yellow hair. They drag them to run long and high, racing so fast, Felix thinks he can fly. Yet, Sylvain stays walking at a natural pace, taunts at how they’ll get tired later, and Sylvain isn’t going to carry anyone around, so Felix slows down.
Sylvain is older than them and at that time, they believed he was the most knowledgeable. He understood more about crests, more about training, and even politics. He speaks so elegantly, that the king would welcome his ideas.
He is always awfully pleasant, even when his brother would curse him in front of them. Sylvain would laugh it off and return to chattering about girls, again and again, as if that would make it all alright.
So they follow him without a question.
It doesn’t take a great deal of time for them to realize that they’ve gotten lost, no one is surprised when they do. Felix collapses on some rock while Dimitri and Ingrid lecture Sylvain on this mess. Mostly, it's Ingrid yelling something about how he invariably does this.
Felix wants to feel sorry for Sylvain but his throat is dry as the desert, and Dimitri has his eyebrows knitted along with a displeased look on his face.
Even when they rebuke Sylvain, everyone trusts him to find a way, he always does. This time is no different, Sylvain begins drawing the paths he memorized on the ground. Without warning, he smugly declares, "We're so close!", A relieved sigh leaves them all, and they advance to climb up further while they listen to Sylvain praising himself.
Thank the goddess, they arrive on time right before the sun welcomes the capital. The long field awaits them, empty and anticipating the sun. As the sun melts into the sky, they can’t help it but gasp at the scenery. From the crown of the hill, they can see most of Fhirdiad, the sun is at the end of their world and they're at the beginning. He feels his face warming when the sun shines at them and only them. Meanwhile, the picnic baskets are long forgotten on the fresh green.
He quickly turns to catch Dimitri’s gaze as it follows the sun, to make certain he is watching this. The prince has his hands fisted, eyes smiling at the sun, piercing as they contrast against the golden yellow around them.
Dimitri notices Felix’s eyes on him and peers back at him, and swiftly runs to him. Felix’s eyes snap in shock when he picks him up and shows him the world, high, higher and Felix sees the sun whole, sitting upon Dimitri's shoulders and suddenly, it’s not so cold anymore.
The next few days aren’t as happy.
One day, they find Sylvain in a swamp with his eyes welled up, a rare sight to both Dimitri and Felix. They hurry through the mud to help the older.
Felix truly thinks it’s the first time he has seen Sylvain cry, and Dimitri catches him before he wipes one last tear. Felix stands still, listening as Dimitri asks too many questions, and Felix watches how Sylvain tries to brush it off. Dimitri, stubborn as ever, does not quit, so Sylvain brings himself to explain, tries to tell them that his older brother's friends bully him on the regular. He vaguely speaks of his brother’s attempts at accidentally killing him and caging him in the dark sunken well.
He speaks, with a full-hearted laugh, stammering over words and his brother’s name.
Dimitri’s brows are joined similar to whenever he thinks of injustice or the way Glenn frowns when someone talks of Miklan. Felix studies Sylvain, and realizes, he doesn't know a way to comfort him. Encouraging words are difficult on his tongue, "we will fight them." he proposes. Both Dimitri and Sylvain gawk at him, and just at once, they begin to chuckle.
"Let's inform Glenn," Dimitri suggests, but Felix knows if they bring Glenn into this, no doubt his father would be in on it too.
"Why should we, when we finally have such worthy opponents?" Felix grins, wide and anticipating. It's unusual for Felix to smile big and silly, he isn't surprised when Dima is staring at him startled and on the cusp of giggling. Felix grasps both of their hands within his firm hold. "I won't let anyone intimidate you!" He tells them, honest to the Goddess. Despite Sylvain being a bonehead, Felix still can’t bear seeing him with shed tears and a defeated smile.
Hence, it’s how they wind up in the mansion’s stable, and later end up in the mansion’s infirmary. Indeed, the three of them would probably be able to destroy them, if they knew how to open a stable without climbing above it.
When Felix wakes up, there is a thumping pain shooting up his arm, a mere glance at his limp body is plenty for him to guess he broke a limb or two.
He painfully turns his head towards whoever is around him, and he blurts out the first thought that flashed to his mind, "Is Dimitri fine?" He says as he feels water prick at the corners of his eyes.
When his sight focuses, he distinguishes Glenn’s figure heaving a sigh and holding his chin, stroking gently, so unlike Glenn, but Felix likes it. They don't hug much, he and Glenn, though their father seems very fond of physical affection and kissing at their foreheads, especially Felix’s.
"Dimitri is fine, are you alright?" His eyes are soft and a rare smile quirks up at his lips.
Felix nods despite feeling like his head would reasonably explode with blood rushing down his ears.
“May I go see Dimitri?” He asks dreading the answer if it was ‘no’. They broke too many rules for him to have the cheek and rise from his bed despite the answer, and it’s obvious what it is by the disapproving look Glenn shoots him, meanwhile his father speaks from a distance, “No, you can’t go mister.”
Here comes the scolding, Felix thinks and exhales. “I just want to be certain he is fine,” Felix persuades, determined.
“While I’m glad you care for his highness’ health, Felix, I think you should be wary of your health too, don’t you agree?” His father speaks, stern, and careful.
Felix frowns. “Certainly not,” he mumbles and to his side, Glenn grins.
“What if I bring his highness here, hmm? How would you thank me later, dear Felix?” Glenn baits, amusement twinkling in his eyes, waiting for Felix to hide his painfully red cheeks.
“Don’t indulge him, Glenn.” His father remarks displeased, approaching Felix’s bed. He tenderly places a faint hand on his brow, “Out of ten, Felix, how much does it hurt?” He asks.
“A lot.” Felix sulks unhappily and defeatedly.
Within seconds and with magic, the soreness fades, not wholly but instantly and easily. Felix could kiss his father. He smiles dumbly, “Father please heal it again.”
“If I do so, you’ll go ahead and repeat it.” His father hums, and he isn't wrong, Felix can’t find it in himself to counter his father’s words, so he tries one last method, and he pouts in return, “But father,” he whines. Sometimes, his father would wait for them to remain alone to treat his wounds again, and he wordlessly hopes it’s one of those times.
“Lay down here for a time, let your injuries heal, and then maybe tomorrow morning you can see his highness.” His father informs him.
“Morning?” Felix exclaims.
“Tomorrow night, then.”
“Morning is fine, it’s great.” He hurries his words and he can glimpse a thin smile resisting on his father’s front.
And a burst of faint laughter in the back.
He will take his vengeance on Glenn someday, but tonight, he wishes for Dimitri to sleep soundly.
Felix finds parting from Dimitri harder when Glenn is appointed as a knight. There isn’t as much competition around his house, his father duels sometimes with him, but only when he isn’t busy; unluckily, he always is.
Sylvain spends the summer at the Fraldarius region, and sometimes Ingrid tags along, especially after she got engaged to Glenn. Sylvain tells him he feels sorry for her and Felix doesn’t understand why, he has seen Glenn receive many love letters, many admire him, he is a good person; Sylvain must be jealous.
It’s only some months until the next kingdom holiday, and Felix can’t wait for it.
The kingdom throws the biggest festivals and lively balls that kids aren’t allowed in, even though Felix figures he is a grown-up now and should be allowed to drink from the fancy wine bottles.
It’s fine because he and Dimitri wind up on Sylvain's hill, just as lovely at night, full of stars they can gaze at better than in the capital, where there are no city lights and no one to bother Felix and Dimitri.
They tell Sylvain to follow them, though he is occupied with some girls, and Felix doesn't hide his excitement for having the prince to himself. They'll read more and more on history, Felix will whine about studies he doesn't care about, they're boring next to gleam swords and lances. He knows that Dimitri agrees, yet the young prince listens and insists they're necessary to grow strong.
Ingrid stays with Glenn naturally, she enjoys hearing about his stories and Glenn doesn't seem to mind. It appears, however, that he likes narrating about his fights at the dining table with nobles more than the chivalry stories that make Ingrid's eyes shine; both of them are different in ways, but they're somewhat similar.
He and Dimitri race to the summit of the hill, and Felix’s hair caresses the cool breeze as he keeps running alongside Dimitri, their giggles filling the countryside. Dimitri wins their little contest, he lays happily on the green, silky hair splattered around the dirt. This is Felix's favorite place in Fhirdiad. He, of course, won't tell Sylvain that.
It's the dearest place to his heart since Dimitri drops the facade of a prince here, becomes Dimitri again. He appears to belong here; eyes like the moon, with the stars coloring them. Dimitri is something between the sun and the moon, he knows, however, that Dimitri is the best of them.
Felix settles the book between the two of them and flips through the pages intently.
Everything stays perfect until Dimitri has pointed at a Loog and Kyphon, to state that he and Glenn will grow to be them.
Blame Felix, but his heart feels torn.
"I- I thought it would be us, you and me." Dimitri's eyes stay glued on the book when Felix speaks. "Dimitriii." He whines again. His eyes all hooked on Dimitri, hopeful and urgent for an answer, surely Dimitri meant it another way, "Yes, Felix." He says flatly and turns another page, so Felix quickly seizes the book from his hands, and Dimitri is still not looking at him.
He isn't very proud of grabbing the prince's silky collar forcefully, but it works. "Dimitri, answer me." His voice quivers at its ends and Felix knows he is on the verge of crying. He’ll be teased about it later but he wants an answer now desperately, and Dimitri is quiet, tearing his eyes away again. "I didn't mean it that way." the prince whispers.
"You did, I can see through it when you lie, Dimitri! Quit lying to me, you too, you too agree with father and his majesty?"
"Felix, would you let go of me? Please."
Why does it have to be that way, always? He wishes Sylvain had joined them today, they would dispute with him instead.
He is about to let go of him when Felix clumsily falls on himself, hauling Dimitri with him and his heavy body is on Felix when they're tumbling down on the hill. He hears their screams and he hardly registers his voice, he shuts his own eyes and the grass lets them roll promptly as they hold each other for their dear life.
It's at last peaceful, only him and the boy under his body heavily panting. Felix slowly blinks his eyes open, he can sense wetness on his cheeks, and he hopes it's the freshly quenched grass on him and not his tears, just like it's on Dimitri's face. While Felix strives to glance, his vision blurs with tears, and the next minute he is sobbing on his clammy palms. Of course, he started crying, he is beginning to think he knows nothing but that, Dimitri deserves a better friend than him.
"Fe..." Dimitri trails when Felix senses his hands yanked gently from his face and then there are Dimitri's eyes, lucid between the tears, dazzling like the sun. He wants to mend things and instead, he only bawls his eyes out for Dimitri to soothe him when he should be the stronger one, who can protect Dimitri when it's needed. "I'm sorry," Felix weeps, words barely audible. The hands covering his are warm, thumbs stroking at his wrist.
"What are you apologizing for, I'm the one who is weighty." Felix can discern it now, a small soothing smile on Dimitri’s lips and it makes the child snivel more, Dimitri is good to him. He isn't obliged to be anything for Felix, if anything; Felix is acting selfishly, his heart hammering loudly. Dimitri is so good, Felix affirms as his tears fall further.
They perch where they've fallen, fresh grass beneath them. Felix plays with it and nervously picks a handful of them off the spot.
"I should've been more clear about it, this is my fault." Dimitri’s voice overcasts with sadness, staring beyond Felix as if he wronged him. Felix eyes him regardless, why is he apologetic?
"I can't see a future without you, Felix, this is silly of me but..." Dimitri looks nervous, worrying his lips. Felix knows he has a habit of collecting his thoughts to an eloquent speech before he talks his mind, sometimes it’s frustrating, but now it’s just making Felix concerned, he has never witnessed him like that. "But?" he encourages.
"I have this belief that Glenn sees me as a duty. No, I know that he does, and... eventually so will Sylvain and Ingrid, they all will leave and turn to their adult dilemmas, is it terrible of me to ask for one friend who sees me for simply me, who will stay?"
"You know nothing." Felix just about shouts grimly and sits properly to speak, "You're not allowed to assume what people think of you, if I want to stay forever by your side as a duke, it's none of your concern, your highness." He takes a deep breath as he continues to rumble, "Look at my father, he loves his majesty, and he has been in his service long enough. You really are an idiot Dimitri, and I'll keep calling you that when you take the crown." Felix stumbles on words. "I- I mean when the time comes" he finally shuts himself up as he sees the prince's mouth fall ajar, he murmurs, "I'm sorry, I know his majesty is in his early years. I shouldn't have said that."
"Who is this going shouting and blabbing about his majesty?" a thick voice comes. Felix feels his cheeks burning, ashamed, and he and Dimitri stare at each other ghastly. Uncertainty coats Dimitri’s face, Felix knows he is already making an excuse, to justify their gossipings. Hopefully, the stranger didn’t listen for long. "What should we do?" he whispers. Dimitri peers up at the hill, waiting to see who had been listening to them.
"It seems as if this idiot is my dear of a brother." the voice adjusts to Glenn's and they both heave a sigh and Felix has to lay his back on the softness under him in relief. He is grateful it’s only the older, so is Dimitri he realizes as their gaze meets, Dimitri’s eyes relaxed at the familiar voice, his lips are on the cusps of drawing a smile, "Glenn! You frightened us." Felix chides, and his head twirls around to spot his brother, but it’s not nearly sightful during the night.
They hear an amused laugh as Glenn approaches them from above the hill, "maybe you shouldn't discuss the matters of heart out in the public, your grace." Felix hears the amusement flickering his tone, Glenn clearly having fun with the scare he just gave them, his voice is closer now and it's seconds before Felix feels the flick of fingers on his forehead, "Glenn!!!" but the older snickers shamelessly.
Felix wants to hide his face, ‘matters of the heart?’ What is this fool hinting at?
Though Dimitri's grin grows at Glenn. "I found this at the top,” Glenn remarks as he throws the book they’ve abandoned earlier near Felix’s face, “how could you leave the present from his highness there so carelessly?" He teases and Felix knows he relishes every second of it. The way his brows shoot in a fake concern of the book or the smile tugged at his cheeks for his dimple to almost show up. Felix knew it all, but thankfully, Dimitri didn’t get the cues Glenn threw aimlessly. "Glenn... please," Dimitri mutters and no one blocks Felix when he springs at Glenn, pushing him to the ground and ruining his precious hair. Glenn was taller, broader and not so easy to keep under Felix’s strength, but his brother let him, giggling beneath his arms,
"Aren't you supposed to be in that ball?" He scowls and holds the book against his heart.
"Felix, as if I enjoy dancing. I wish I wasn't allowed there too." Glenn complains.
"What happened?" Felix asks bluntly, slumping off Glenn.
"Lord Lonato’s son is a moron."
"You think everyone is a moron." Dimitri indicates.
"They are, Dimitri," Glenn affirms.
"What was his name again?" Felix asks.
"Christophe. I hope they deliver another child or our military strategies are done, his father is clever nonetheless." Dimitri shoots him a concerned look. "Don't worry Dimitri, I won't leave it to him," Glenn assures. "Now let's go back. The king had sent me searching for you."
The king has planned a trip to Duscur to sign a peace treaty with them. What Felix doesn’t understand is the need for Dimitri to accompany him.
Although Felix sulks plenty when he hears the news of Dimitri’s departure, he is happy for the prince. Dimitri shows excitement at the arrangement, he wants to watch grown-up meetings, help with the kingdom affairs. Dimitri is the crowned prince, he’ll have enough responsibilities and he is keen to be in charge of it.
They have arguments, and it’s only because Felix wants to spend every last minute with Dimitri, he creates chaos. Even Sylvain grins knowingly at Felix, yet Dimitri stays oblivious at Felix’s quarreling about the silliest matters.
Late at night, Felix sneaks to the royal’s bedroom. He just wants to make certain he said his last goodbye without anyone’s eyes on them, he knows the room by hand. He is careful when he steps in, Dimitri’s room is dappled with gold, emeralds and everything princesses wish for in books. The sheets are silky on Felix’s skin as he plants himself in them, putting his arm awkwardly around the prince’s body. The figure shuffles next to him, wide blue eyes looking at him, so bright in the dark Felix thinks they might be two captured stars.
“Wanted to wish you luck before tomorrow, I- I’ll miss you.” He murmurs to Dimitri’s ear.
Dimitri beams, “is that a sorry for earlier?” He whispers back.
Felix strays his gaze away and mumbles a shameful ‘yes’.
“I’ll miss you more,” the young prince says right to his ear, hugging him tightly.
“I wish I was going in Glenn’s place, I’m even better than him with swords now.” He buries his face in the silky yellow hair, breathing it in.
“I wish I was staying here with you, we can train together and pester Sylvain.” Felix can hear the curl of Dimitri’s lip as he mutters the words to his ear.
Felix smiles into his hair. “Every time we fight, I do it enough.” he continues, "In the morning I'll walk you to the king's wagon." and Dimitri nods, closing his eyes and drifting away.
Felix knows no one is allowed to stay in the prince’s room, but Dimitri keeps overlooking all of the rules merely when it comes to him.
Felix remembers the times when he cried into Sylvain’s arms, sobbing, ‘he can snap as many weapons as he wants, even his majesty’s gift, just let him stay.’ and he would’ve truly let him break his favorite swords if they let him stay with Felix, even Sylvain knows that Felix is true to his words as he scoffs at him, and calls Dimitri, “See what you did Dimitri, you’re always making this kid cry.” Felix is to his left, sniffling down the tears, waiting for Dimitri to say his sorrys for leaving him and hug him tightly, instead, Felix recalls the king as he smiles softly at Felix while clueless Dimitri mumbles apologies and how he didn’t mean to argue with Felix, he didn’t intend on making him cry.
Rodrigue takes Felix’s palm between his hands as Sylvain releases him. “Did you say your goodbyes to Glenn son?”
Felix looks up at him, eyes watering again and pouting “Glenn will be with Dima and they will have fun, if anything he should be coming to me.” His father stands confused, attempting at soothing Felix, it’s a poor one as Felix continues to weep. Sylvain holds himself from laughing then. ‘Goddess, he and Glenn are such little shits to their father.’ he says.
Hence, he made sure this morning, he’d say proper goodbyes to Dimitri. A strange tender heat fills him whole, the warmth of glancing at Dimitri’s face before he rises adding to it. It’s been some time since this feeling has conquered him, despite being unfamiliar, it’s welcomed.
Dimitri slowly wakes up, not like Glenn, quick and grumpy. Dimitri is peaceful, beautiful even with the slightly joined brows. There is a smile that grows fast on his lips when he recognizes who is beside him, Felix wants to kiss it.
Oh.
Felix swallows, he must be making a very ugly face now. He knows he is because Dimitri’s smile turns to a perplexed pout.
Felix wants to kiss it. Wants to push his lips on Dimitri’s and the crease between his blonde brows, on the pale cheeks instead, he licks his lips and stares at Dimitri's face.
Dimitri isn’t a lady, Dimitri is the crowned prince. Dimitri doesn’t see him in this fashion.
But Felix so badly wants to lean in.
“Good morning, Felix.” He says as he rubs his eyes, voice thick with drowsiness. “Have you slept well? You look strange.”
He only hums, afraid of foreign words coming out of his mouth.
“Are you hungry? Let us get ready, shall we.”
Felix remembers, today is another day where Dimitri leaves him. The notion of Dimitri now brings him to the verge of dying of embarrassment, and still, his heart lingers, harping on the feeling of Dimitri’s lips and hair tangled between his fingers.
They’ll meet after Duscur and then, Felix will muster the courage.
***
With time, Felix realizes happiness doesn’t last, not at all. Happiness is scarce, it doesn’t come from prayers to the Goddess as they were taught from a young age.
It doesn’t come at all after the day Glenn is announced dead.
It only comes as a relief when his eyes land on Dimitri’s figure, he is here. Among the living when they arrive at the capital.
His father had prepared to leave their territory the instant he heard of the evil massacre. He doesn’t provide Felix any details, tells him he has to leave and Felix annoyingly so begs to go with him.
It’s the first time his father yells at him, sharp and furious that Felix stumbles on his feet. The stories must be true. The royal family is dead, his brother is dead, Dimitri is dead.
And ever so the cry baby Felix is, let his tears gush as an effort to get his father to yield, to bring Felix along. If he doesn’t see Dimitri with his eyes, if he doesn’t hold him against his body, he won’t rest.
The first awful news comes quickly as the light. Everyone on the carriages to Duscur was slaughtered, the rumors say the Duscur people had murdered them. He hears his father’s voice composed and strong in front of the royal knight who trembles. His father asks about Glenn first. ‘Dead.’ The knight hisses.
‘His majesty?’
‘Dead.’
‘His highness, Dimitri?’
‘Dead.’
Felix runs to his room at the words, the thumping on his head heavy, with tears and grief he can’t fathom. It consumes him, and he searches messily at the letters he and Dimitri wrote for each other. Felix rips a new paper to write for Dimitri, explaining to him what ridiculous news they speak of him. ‘Dimitri, they think you’re dead, Dimitri I haven’t kissed you yet. Dimitri, I’m pitiful I can’t hold my tears.’ Felix can’t feel his fingers as he writes, can’t discern the words as water piles up within his eyes, ink blurred with tears.
Glenn, Felix thinks lastly. Glenn is dead too.
It’s five hours, five horrible endless hours before a messenger arrives. Felix has collapsed asleep from weeping. He wakes upon his father’s lap, his surroundings unfamiliar, shaky when he rubs some more on his eyes.
“We’re on our way to Fhirdiad.” His father whispers, softly pressing a kiss on the side of his head.
“Glenn?” Felix mutters, groggily.
“Dimitri is well.”
“Glenn?” Felix repeats.
His father falls silent before he utters, “He did his duty.”
Felix doesn’t understand then, sleep heavy on his eyes. He envies when he has never understood.