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Love, Elizabeth found upon reflection, was quite a complicated thing. It wasn’t constant, nor perfect, but something to be treasured and held close before it flew away like a wild bird. She had the great joy and privilege to be loved by so many in her life, men of principle and honor, fun and the freedom of the sea, passion and loyalty.
Looking out the window at the rolling sea, the tide steadily coming into to port from places far away, Elizabeth thought of her father. Though it had been nearly two years since he died, the guilt and pain of losing him still clawed at her throat when memories of him were brought to mind.
“Elizabeth. Will you come downstairs for a moment?”
In her mind, the memory of a ten-year-old Elizabeth lept off the small window seat in the library and ran down the staircase. There her father stood, shaking his head indulgently as she approached and wrapped her arms around him. She knew he could have easily chastised her, as he occasionally did when she was what even the most lenient parent would consider a naughty child, but instead, he gave her an affectionate kiss on the forehead.
“Come have a cup of tea with me,” he said, leading Elizabeth into the study, where a small table of delicate treats and a steaming pot of tea was already assembled and waiting. “There is something I would like to discuss with you.”
Elizabeth sat at the small table, not able to help the small feeling of anxiety her father’s words brought. She remembered vividly the last time he had said something to the same effect when he finally was able to tell her that both her mother and infant brother were taken by the fever that had nearly killed her the year before. The very memory of that terrible day made her hands shake, so she folded them politely on her lap as their tea was served.
“Father,” she asked, looking up at her only family, the man she loved most in the world. “What is it?”
Weatherby smiled, not one that would seek to soften the blow of bad news but hope to herald the good. “Elizabeth, I believe it may be time for a new adventure. What might your governess have told you of the West Indies?”
The bell from the church in town tolled, once…twice…three times as Elizabeth shook herself from her reverie, wiping the tears away with an already damp handkerchief. It was far too easy to fall into memory in quiet moments, losing hours to walking among faces of her past, remembering and regretting what she could have done, should have changed, would have said if she had only had more time to do it.
It was far too easy to think of Will when she thought of regret, for she had too many when it came to her oldest friend turned pirate. Like her father, it had been far too long since she had last seen his face, saying one final goodbye before going their separate ways. She wondered where he was now, fulfilling his purpose of ferrying the dead to the other side or perhaps eschewing that duty the same way his predecessor did. Elizabeth knew in her heart, in a place solely reserved for her first love, that Will would do his duty well. She only hoped he was happy, sailing the seas until he found a man willing to replace him, someone to take the reins and leave him a free man again.
“I don’t know how I’ll be able to do this without you,” Will whispered to her as they stood on the decks of the Flying Dutchman, a lifeboat waiting to direct Elizabeth to Tortuga. Their foreheads pressed together, both unable to keep from looking at the other, knowing they would never see each other again while both were among the living.
They had both made their choices. Now it was time to live with them.
“You can and you will,” she whispered in reply, bringing a hand up to cup his cheek tenderly, much like she did when they were children. “You were meant for the sea, Will Turner. It’s where you belong.”
“And what were you meant for, Elizabeth?”
Elizabeth closed her eyes, unable to look Will in the eye when she replied. She knew in her heart, what she thought she knew as well as his, what he wanted her to say. He was hoping that she would still choose him in the end, be there waiting at the end of a long ten years, but her reply only brought heartbreak for them both. “I need to go home. I have something else I need to do. Someone who truly needs me.” Leaning forward one last time, she kissed his cheek in a final goodbye.
Soon she found herself in the lifeboat, watching as Will lowered her down himself with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. She knew she was breaking his heart, just another in a long stream of disappointments and abandonments, both she never thought she would be. At least he had his father back, though that was a very little comfort.
“He’ll be alright, love,” a familiar voice came from behind her, making her turn to look at the man it belonged to. She sighed, sure that she looked as defeated as she looked. There wasn’t a right way to make the decision she had to make.
“You don’t know that, Jack,” she replied, shaking her head. “I’ve known Will almost my entire life. This is just another in a long line of disappointments, and I… I never thought I would be one of them.”
“You have to do what you want, Lizzie. Otherwise, what’s the point of living?”
“Elizabeth?”
A voice, most familiar and well-loved, was finally what brought her out of her reverie. His hand, warm and gentle landed on her shoulder, the comfort of the simple touch enough to make her smile even with the memories that still swirled in her mind. She turned to find her husband standing over her with a small smile on his face, but his eyes, beautifully green and expressive, shown through with worry.
“I’m fine, James” she said as she stood, wrapping her arms around him. It didn’t seem to reassure him as much as she’d like, for his arms wrapped tight around her as well. “I was just...remembering. I’m sorry if I’ve worried you.”
The look in his eyes, as well as a gentle raise of an eyebrow, said as much about his continued worry as any words ever could. Elizabeth knew as well as her own heart and mind that there would always be a part of his that worried she would disappear in the night, flying back to her friends and never showing up at his doorstep again, just as she had one August evening just under a year before, the one that gave him hope.
The hope that perhaps now, finally , she would be his.
“I was thinking about my father,” she said, smoothing away the worry lines on his forehead. It wasn’t a lie, but a bit too far from the truth for her liking. She had already kept too much from him. “Also Will, but only as my friend… I left things poorly, with both of them, and it’s troubling me.”
For a few long moments, just long enough for Elizabeth to worry, James simply looked at Elizabeth. She didn’t know if he was processing her words, searching her face for any dishonesty, or just thinking. Just when she was opening her mouth to reassure him, he leaned forward to press his lips to hers.
“I love you and I trust you, Elizabeth. I know you wouldn’t have married me if you didn’t feel the same,” he said, rubbing a finger along her simple wedding band. After a moment, he pulled away once more, bowing down to her respectfully before holding out his hand. “Perhaps we can sail back into memory together if you’ll allow a bit of company?”
With a soft smile, she took his hand and brought it to her lips for a kiss before moving in close, the couple stepping out into the beginnings of a beautiful fall evening.
“There’s no company I’d like better.”