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He thought he could handle it. He thought he could persevere and ignore it. He thought he could shut everything and everyone else out and pretend nothing exists.
And for a while he did.
He'd wake up and go to school with 'dont fuck with me' painted across his face. He'd study and he'd train until he physically couldn't anymore. He pushed beyond his limits. He tossed and turned while sleeping and sometimes he'd wake up with tears on his face but he'd pretend it was sweat and go back to sleep. He'd do it again.
And for a while it worked. Nobody spoke to him. Nobody fucked with him. It made everything easier. He didn't have to explain himself. He didn't have to answer 'kacchan are you okay? You look so sickly' and he didn't have to listen to 'and remember class, I know I'm just your teacher but if there's anything you need, I'm here' while his eyes rest on bakugou for just a second too long.
He doesn't.
It felt good to be alone. All the noises seemed to dull and there wasn't anyone to judge him or yell at him or expect something from him. It was just him. Sometimes he'd pretend he didn't exist and nobody knew. Because in his room with the curtains pulled shut and the sheets crumpled on the floor he could be dead or alive or happy or himself and nobody would know.
But then the world caved in and he was taken and forced into chains like the sports festival and restrained like the sludge villain and he was alone but now it was in a bad way and he missed how easy it was to drown out the noise of his classmates because it was so much harder to ignore the ringing in his ears and the anxiety and fear trying to rip from his throat with sobs.
Because he was terrified.
Nobody would care if he died. Who did he even know in that class? He'd seen the disgust on their faces when he yelled at that stupid fucker Deku to shut up and mind his business. To leave him alone. He knew Dekus friends had probably heard that little shits sob story about how all he ever wanted was to be friends and kacchan just hated him. They hated him for it and they weren't even there.
He'd seen the looks from random extras in the halls after the sports festival. How they'd taunt him with 'isnt he that feral beast that attacked people in the sports festival? He's still going here?'
He's seen the faces of people on the street. The comments on articles online. nobody wants me to succeed.
But he'd still never become a villain. He'll die before that day comes.
It really does surprise him, when as he's fighting the league of villains in the wreckage of what used to be buildings and he can hear screaming and fighting and so many sounds and he can't breathe because there's dust in the air and everything's just too much for him to process and he just cant-
"Bakugou...come!!"
And it's all he needs to ground himself. Before he realizes bit his hand is in Kirishimas and they're smiling at each other and how did he not notice how pretty his smile was before..?
It wouldn't have made sense.
It wouldn't have made sense for Bakugou to catch a break. To feel relief for more than ten minutes.
All might is over. It's Bakugous fault.
He was so god damn fucking stupid why did he let himself get captured? Why was he so weak?? Why is it always him in the wrong?
The thoughts get worse. He can't focus in class. He can't train as well now that he has limited hours in the gym. He can't sleep without jumping at every little sound in his room. He's so fucking pathetic. He feels like everything is so loud and he can't even see the words on the paper in front of him and he needs to cover his ears but then he hears Kirishimas voice. Again it's ripping him from the cacophony of his daily life and Bakugou doesn't seem to mind as much as he tells himself he should.
"Uh Sensei, I don't understand this question?"
"Which one?"
"Number thirty-two."
"Let me take a look."
Finally, Bakugou can see the paper inches from his face and he remembers vaguely they're taking a test right now. So he tries to tune out the sounds of people scribbling or breathing or tapping their feet. A little part of him thinks 'one of those noises is kirishima' and ignores the way he thinks about it for longer than he should. he shouldn't even think about it at all.
Kirishima invites him to lunch. Despite all reason and everything Bakugous worked for, he goes with him like an idiot.
Kirishima smiles at him like it doesn't take any effort. He laughs like it's not hard. He talks with his friends like they're..well.. friends. Bakugous never had any of it. It's unfamiliar territory and it's something he should just stay away from because friends are a distraction but he just can't because this kirishima kid is just so interesting. Bakugou barely says anything, the entire lunch. He notices that nobody expected him to. That nobody needed him to. It feels nice to not be needed, and just to be.
Usually Bakugou finds a place to quietly zone out and completely tune out the rest of the world but he finds he wasn't able to do it anymore because Kirishima was there. And when Kirishima was there his voice always brought Bakugou back to the present.
So when he was invited to lunch again he knows he should have declined.
But he was just so curious as to what made this kid so special. After a while, hhe started to forget his objective little by little until he realized one day that sometimes when he was talking with Kirishimas- well, his own- friends, he'd smile easily too.
Kirishima and Bakugou would hang out all the time, and soon Kirishima was the first one to hear Bakugous laugh.
Kirishima looked stunned for a moment but didn't mention it. Bakugou loved that about him.
Kirishima always knew little things about him, sometimes things he didn't know about himself. Bakugou knew the feeling of being watched- Deku would follow him and write all sorts of data in those notebooks, which quite frankly terrified Bakugou and caused him to bully Deku- but when Kirishima watched him it wasn't under any analytical or harsh eye. He wasn't waiting for him to fail. He wasn't watching to find his weakness. Kirishima cared.
Kirishima would being him ice if he noticed bakugou got burned during training. Kirishima would bring him food if he noticed Bakugou hadn't eaten. Kirishima would text Bakugou to see if he was okay when he heard him moving in the late hours of the night after nightmares.
Fuck I don't deserve to be friends with him..Bakugou would tell himself, and he would berate himself and hate himself but he always went back to Kirishima.
Because Kirishima was the only thing that made sense.
And sometimes still the sounds would be too much. And everything was shaking around in his head and scratching to get out. But not as bad as it had been. He's not alone anymore. He's not a piece of shit for messing up sometimes, and he's not weak for having weaknesses.
"I think I'm falling in love with you."
"I think I am too."