Chapter Text
Sloth
She was almost asleep; it was late, and she loved sleeping under the stars. Her eyes were closed and she could hear the soft chirp of crickets coming from the trees, then a sound she recognized and loathed. The gentle swirling and almost cooing of the shinidamachu echoed in the silence, followed by Inu’s immediate drop to the ground. She felt his eyes on her, and she pretended to be asleep. Would he leave her here unprotected and go to the dead priestess? She got her answer as his feet took off, following the worm-like youkai. She silently stood up and followed him, knowing the last time Kikyou had him in her grasp she almost took him to hell with her.
She arrived at the clearing where Kikyou and Inu were in each other’s arms. She felt tears burning behind her eyes, but remained silent. He wasn’t hers to love. He wasn’t hers to be with. She watched the priestess lean in and their lips connected tenderly. She could no longer hold back the tears. She had known that Inuyasha didn't really love her. She was a replacement for the beauty in his arms. But seeing the truth of it didn't make it hurt any less. She held back a sob and once they parted she knew she had to go. Inu would notice her scent soon. She decided then that she needed to go home for a while. The next morning she insisted that she just remembered she had an important test, even though by Inuyasha’s expression he knew it was a lie. She walked back toward the village, refusing to ride on his back, and trying to give herself the space she needed to process and heal. It took a lot longer than she had realized it would now that she was doing the walking.
Almost a week later she went home. Being in his presence was impossible, but she couldn’t stand being away from him either. She spent a few days at home and didn't go to school for any of them. She couldn’t get out of bed, and couldn't stop crying. Her mama kept bringing her soup and tea. And she could see the questions in her Mama’s eyes, but she never asked. She didn’t question the fact that her daughter’s closest friend hadn’t joined her in coming home, or that she could hear her crying into all hours of the night. And for that, Kagome was eternally grateful.
A week passed, and apparently Inuyasha knew better than to come collect her. She woke up with a new realization. She needed to complete the jewel and then she could come home and never go back. She knew that would be the hardest thing to do, leave the life she was making 500 years in the past, but it would be the only way she could survive. She got out of bed, dressed, and repacked her backpack. She needed to get back there and complete this journey. It would be the most heart-breaking thing to do, walking away from a place that filled her with such happiness and hope. But now she didn't feel the hope, or the happiness. She felt dull and hollow. But she figured that would fade with time.
She slipped through the blue light of the time slip and climbed out of the well. Inuyasha wasn’t there waiting for her, and she couldn't hold back the fear that he had gone to Kikyou. She trudged to the village and she should have felt relief at seeing him sitting on Kaede’s hut roof, but she couldn’t seem to feel anything. She plastered a smile on her face and hoped everyone would buy it. Kaede came out and smiled warmly. Kagome felt her lips lift in a similar smile, but it took such effort. Hopefully, this would get easier soon.
“Hello child. I am glad ye are feeling better, Inuyasha said, that ye had been feeling sick. Did the medicines in your time finally get you healed?”
Oh, that was a good excuse for her not to be there. She nodded to the sweet older lady who was so like a grandmother to her.
“Yes, Kaede-sama. I got some good rest too.”
She ignored Inuyasha’s twitching nose, indicating he smelled her lie easily.
“Ah, I am so glad, Child. I worried that it had been worse than Inuyasha had said when you were gone for so long. But I imagine you also had some things to take care of in your time as well.”
Oh, another lie. “Yeah, I had a couple important tests to take. Thank you for worrying about me, though. So are there any jewel shard rumors?”
They figured out which way they would go, and how long they would be gone before hitting the road. Kagome still refused to ride on his back, and she could tell he was getting angry at how slowly they were moving. But she couldn't bring herself to care. Her face was flat, and she knew it showed no emotion. Which felt right, since it was better not to feel anything. They stopped for lunch and she heated up some ramen. The silence wasn’t comfortable, but she didn't have anything to say. And he seemed to understand that it was probably the best decision to remain quiet unless asking about stopping, or the journey.
Days passed that way. When the sun rose and Inuyasha tried to wake her, it took a great deal of effort to sit up. She had no energy, no emotion, she felt like she had no life inside her. What was the point to all of this? Oh, the jewel. She would complete the jewel and defeat Naraku, thus freeing herself from this world and allowing herself to go back to her old life, far away from the man who broke her heart. Maybe then she would be able to feel again.