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When Sherlock was younger, the concept of sex seemed mildly interesting. How it made people behave, the absurd lengths to which people went to get it, the ridiculous things they did to hide they were having it, or weren’t having it, and who they were or weren’t having it with. He observed; until it became obvious that sex was everywhere, and therefore dull. It ranked, along with money, among the most frequent, and therefore the most boring motives of crime, and that was the only way sex was of any relevance to Sherlock.
The actual act of sex was a different matter. Watching people having sex was mind-numbingly boring, and participating in the act was uncomfortable, messy, embarrassing, pointless and generally unpleasant. Sherlock had written sex off as a distasteful waste of time unworthy of his attention.
And then, of course, John came into his life, and in that infuriating and utterly brilliant way of his proved Sherlock wrong once again.
Sherlock has found that sex with John isn’t distasteful, primarily because nothing involving John Watson can ever be distasteful. There is nothing about John that Sherlock doesn’t love, no expression that he doesn’t want to see, no sound that he doesn’t want to hear, to catalogue and keep forever.
Logically, the stickiness of John’s sperm on his fingers should be offensive. The weight and taste of John’s penis on his tongue should make him gag. Having his ungloved fingers buried deep inside John’s rectum should feel repulsive. Somehow, however, the complete opposite is true: Sherlock delights in it, in the knowledge that he’s the only one who’s allowed this level of intimacy, that he can touch and smell and taste John in ways no one else can, that the data he gains during their sexual encounters are exclusively for him. He loves having absolute control of John’s body; he loves that John lets him have it.
And then there’s the singular, inexplicable, ridiculous bubbly feeling he gets when watching John in the throes of pleasure. It’s an indescribable mixture of protective and possessive and absurdly fond and yes John anything for you everything for you never enough of you never never never.
John is different after sex than he is at any other time, sleepy and boneless and kind of soft around the edges, and he has a special smile for these occasions, too. (John has a wonderful array of smiles, and the best thing about them is that many of them John reserves just for Sherlock.) He holds Sherlock close and murmurs sweet nonsense in his hair – something that he doesn’t allow himself to do at any other time, thinking that Sherlock wouldn’t like it. (Sherlock likes it more than he cares to admit.)
There are limits, of course. Sherlock likes bringing John off, but there are other things he likes much more, and the interest it holds for him would fade if they did it too frequently. But John understands this, and he understands that there are things Sherlock won’t do, that he won’t let John do. John understands and he doesn’t mind, and it’s one of the many, many wonderful things about him. About Sherlock’s husband.
They’ve been married for almost a year now (322 days), and it still takes Sherlock’s breath away a little, to see John’s hand splayed possessively on his chest, the gold band on his ring finger gleaming softly in the orange light seeping in from the street.
It’s unbelievable, what John has done to him. That Sherlock has come to see something beautiful in the pointless sweaty mess of sex is nothing compared to the fact that he lies awake at night indulging in absurdly sentimental reflections and watching John sleep, and his brain is completely, blissfully calm. It’s a new feeling, this calmness, only a few months old. Sherlock knows the reason for it: he finally believes, he’s finally let himself believe, that what he and John have is going to last, that despite all of Sherlock’s flaws, John will love him even when they’re too old for mad chases across London. Sherlock thinks about the future, and where he used to see empty nothingness, he now sees John, John, John.
He can’t think anything better.