Chapter Text
To be quite honest, you’d never expected to see the Master like this. You knew him as the ingenious, maniacal, ~slightly~ homicidal alien with two hearts that merely tolerated your human-ness so that he could show off every once in a while. And after traveling with him on and off for over a year, you thought that you’d pretty much had him figured out by now. But after opening your front door at 4 AM on a Sunday to reveal an incredibly intoxicated Master, you couldn’t help but realize that maybe you didn’t know him as well as you’d originally thought. The Master, drunk? What alternate universe had you been sucked into?
At first, he’d tried to drag you off on an adventure, insistent that there was a planet made completely of diamonds—which had been tempting until he mentioned that you’d both probably get radiation poisoning from it. Next, he was trying to convince you to go to a planet he’d visited many years ago, but you quickly vetoed that when he mentioned something about a virus (you’d sworn that he’d said cheetah virus, but couldn’t make much sense of that). So in favor of not being subjected to the Master’s drunk driving, you’d shrugged on your coat and taken him to go get food.
“I could take us to the best diner in the universe… two millennia from now!” he argued.
“I’m sure you could… if you weren’t drunk,” you said. He huffed and crossed his arms.
“I’m not even that drunk.”
“That’s what most drunk people say, Master.” When he remained silent, you continued. “Eat some food, drink water, and then maybe we’ll talk about going somewhere else.” Not that you planned on letting him drive like this. It was a miracle that he’d managed to get to you in the first place.
“Hey,” he said as he came to a halt in the middle of the sidewalk. He swayed slightly in his spot and pointed at you. “I don’t take orders from humans.” You rolled your eyes.
“Of course not, O mighty Time Lord. But in case you've forgotten, you’re the one that woke me up at four in the morning. Excuse me if I’m trying to make sure that you don’t wreck your TARDIS because your reasoning abilities are shot.” He said nothing, only staring at you with a strange look on his face. “So are you going to cooperate?” He mumbled something indistinguishable and continued walking. With a shake of your head, you quickly took the lead.
After the longest walk to the diner that you’d ever had, you were finally sitting in a booth. The diner was completely empty except for the two of you and the staff, who weren’t quite sure what to make of the pair of you—you in your sweats with sleep in your eyes, and the Master in his slightly rumpled purple suit, very clearly not sober.
“Hello folks. Can I get you anything to drink?” the waitress asked. You opened your mouth to respond, when the Master whipped out his TCE and pointed it at the poor woman. You quickly snatched it from his hands and slid it into your pocket, glaring at the Master. The waitress stood with a look of bewilderment on her face.
“He uh… likes to pretend that his vape is a weapon when he’s drunk,” you explained while attempting to look embarrassed. It wasn’t hard.
“My what?” he gasped in outrage. You kicked him underneath the table and silenced him with a look. When you looked back to the waitress, she was clearly trying not to laugh.
“Can I have a hot chocolate? And um, water for him please.”
After she walked away, you sighed in relief. That was, before the Master reached across the table towards your jacket pocket.
“What are you--? No!” you snatched the jacket away and looked at him, exasperated.
“But—” he began.
“No, you don’t get it back until we leave.” He sat back in his seat with a pout on his face. This was going to be a long night.