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It was a cold, moonless night. The sky a rolling blanket of clouds, the colour of wet ash. The ground was laid white with frost and any water that had been liquid under the winter sun had become ice. Like the spell of an enchantress, water to stone, earth to iron, green grass to frosted white. There was no hint of warmth left, nothing of the warm hugs of autumn or the kiss of the vanquished sun.
And usually, these cold nights became an excuse for Brett to draw closer to his lover. To let those arms envelope him. To feel warm and content as he snuggled into his chest. And to hum in satisfaction before he left the steady heartbeat of his lover lull him to sleep.
But not today.
Brett woke up feeling cold, his tired eyes squinting up to look at the clock which read 2AM. He sighed, rolling over to where Eddy was supposed to be sleeping. He was caught off guard when he didn't land on a warm body, but rather on the mattress again, body cold, heart panicking.
He whipped his head back in a split second, tired and panicked eyes looking for his tall figure around their bedroom. Eyes darted from left to right, squinting hard as his heart pounded faster with every second that passed.
And then, a sigh of relief. Brett let out a shaky breath, looking at the silhouette of a man sitting on one of the chairs in the balcony. He smiled softly before wrapping the comforter around his shoulders, and trotted towards the balcony door.
Movements as soft as possible, he made his way to the door. He stopped after reaching it, head peeking out to look at his lover, eyes locked with the dark sight, hair swiftly flowing with the cold winter breeze, lost in deep thought. Brett shivered, pulling the comforter tighter around him.
He rubbed his eyes, a tired whine escaping his lips. "Eddy?"
The taller immediately turned his head to his left, getting up and meeting Brett halfway. The taller's eyes were filled with concern and care as he wrapped his arms around Brett, his hot breath hitting Brett's neck, sending shiver running down the shorter's spine.
"Hey.. Go inside.. It's cold out here," He mumbled, concern evident on his face as he ran his hand up and down Brett's back. Brett hummed in satisfaction, feeling Eddy's heat tingling on his skin. As a reflex, he wrapped his arms around Eddy too.
"Well, come to bed then," He mumbled sleepily. Eddy sighed.
"I am not sleepy, love."
Brett whined. "Fine then, I will stay here for a bit too," He grumbled. Eddy protested, but was silenced by Brett's deadpan look.
Both of them knew that Brett wasn't particularly good at retaining body heat. Well, he wasn't pretty good at handling heat either. Summers he would be sweating buckets and whining, showering in almost ice cold water. And then there was winter where Brettt would cling onto Eddy for the smallest amount of warmth he could get for the taller. Body shivering at the gush of even the slightest wind. So, whenever they went out, Brett would be bundled up in a ridiculous amount of warm clothing with his boyfriend by his side as a portable heater.
But in the end, it always ended up the same way. Cuddled close to each other in the bed, the heater running at maximum temperature, Brett's ice cold fingers wrapped around Eddy's torso, Eddy's warm breath falling onto Brett's neck. The shorter's head on his rightful place- near Eddy's heart, listening to it beating with a steady rhythm.
It was the time both of them cherished the most. It was their little moment. Their little time where they could just feel each other's presence. Not utter words but let their eyes say it all. The world didn't matter here. Everything was slow. Everything was much more beautiful. Everything made them feel much more joyful. Here they could laugh for hours at end. Be in each other's arms for an eternity. Because here time didn't matter.
It was their little infinity.
And Brett, who had been snatched of this precious moment tonight was pissed, and rightfully so. Eddy snickered. "Get ready to catch a cold," He mumbled, sitting down on the chair in the balcony. Brett pouted and settled in on Eddy's lap, placing his head on the taller's chest and humming in satisfaction.
He snuggled closer to him. "Doesn't matter. At least then you wouldn't leave me alone in the middle of the night." He mumbled, his voice sounding small. Eddy winced at the tone, tightening his grip on Brett's arms.
"I am sorry. I was just thinking-"
"Is thinking not possible in the bed?" Brett questioned.
Eddy laughed. "Someone's really pissed." He commented and Brett slapped him playfully on the shoulder.
"Anyway, what were you thinking?" Brett asked after a while, busy drawing small infinity signs on his shirt..
Eddy sighed. "Nothing. Just random questions."
"About what?"
"Existence."
Brett laughed. "Bro, you are 27. Like- we are past quarter life crisis here."
"And you are 28 and way past primary school and can't spell 'practice' right," Eddy shot back. Brett looked at him with wide eyes, as if he was betrayed.
"What do you expect? It was 'Draw our lives'. What we showed was definitely not what was running through my head when I looked back."
Eddy snickered. "I understand. We kept a lot of things out-"
"And I like it that way. To have some memories of incidents that no one knows about. To have you like a person no one knows about. They are our memories. They are special." Brett rambled in a single breath.
It was indeed, true. They were very open to their fans. Well, to some extent. They never hesitated in sharing stories from their orchestra days, or some random memories of their childhood.
But their relationship was something they kept very private and lowkey.
Not because of the fear of losing their following or their fans disapproving. They just wanted to keep it to themselves. Have their own little thing. Sharing those soft smiles and chuckles on camera which wouldn't look very different for the audience. But, in reality, it was different. Those little actions no one else would catch, but they would and their hearts would swell up at the realisation of how much they loved the other.
Eddy looked at him, his eyes soft. "You stole the words right out of my mouth."
Brett blushed. "What were you thinking about?"
"Destiny."
Brett's head immediately perked up to look into Eddy's eyes. "Bro. Please tell me you are kidding."
Eddy shook his head. "I am serious." And Brett shifted in his lap. "So what about destiny?"
Eddy sighed. "I don't know. Wondering if it was destiny because of which we met. Like come on. What are the chances that we went to the same math tutoring, you sat next to me, that you spoke to me. And then the very next day we met at a youth orchestra."
"Well, it isn't a coincidence," Brett added. Eddy nodded. "Yeah. I always thought like destiny was a matter of personal preference, you know? Like if your future unfolds in a way you don't like, it is termed as 'fate'," He paused, taking in a deep breath, while Brett looked at him with amusement, "But, if it is in favour of you, it is termed as 'destiny'."
"What is the point you are trying to make?"
Eddy huffed. "I don't understand if you are my fate or my destiny." He looked into Brett's eyes, caressing his soft cheek and internally squealing when Eddy leaned into the touch. "Cause either way, I would have fallen in love with you."
Brett's cheeks were immediately stained with a rosy pink blush. He buried his head into the crook of Eddy's neck. "That sounds so cheesy," He mumbled.
"But you like it," Eddy teased.
"That is true," The smaller mumbled, not lifting his face, busy drawing small infinities on the shirt. "Is that all you were thinking?"
"Yup. Pretty much it. Like I know that its stupid, but I wonder you know? But I think I know the answer," The taller mumbled, hands carding through Brett's soft hair.
Brett hummed. "So, what is it? Fate or destiny?"
Eddy snickered, booping Brett's nose. "That's up to you to figure out." Brett grumbled, and Eddy chortled.
"I have a weird one for you," Brett mumbled, hands still drawing the same small infinities on the shirt.
"Shoot."
"Do you think love is real?" And something about his tone made Eddy feel like there was a hidden question under there that Brett was afraid to ask.
Here was the thing about Brett. During day time, he was the energetic, enthusiastic and the independent one while Eddy was the sloth. Well, he had always been nocturnal anyway. But, during days Brett basically took the wheel while Eddy just used to fall back and relax. Become the needy one and whine for the smallest things. Oh how his heart would flutter when Brett would laugh heartily and his eyes would crinkle in the most beautiful way possible. And how he would radiate that positive energy in the morning with so much charisma that Eddy somewhat felt energetic too.
But then came nights. And all of Brett's positive energy would dissipate into thin air, as if it never existed. And all of a sudden he would become all clingy. Not leaving Eddy for a moment. By his side at all times and at points even physically clinging to him. Moving as if he was Eddy's shadow. They would sit down on the couch, they would cuddle and Brett would immediately make himself small, pulling his knees to his chest and burying himself into Eddy's. His eyes would be soft, and he would whine and basically blackmail Eddy with those puppy eyes to carry him to the room. All in all- just very clingy.
But the taller never complained. It was like seeing a day version of himself. But seeing this sudden question from Brett, who was more of the 'go with the flow' type of guy made him think as if all of this was linked.
"Hmm." He mumbled, acting as if he was really thinking, while running a comforting hand up and down Brett's back.
"You know," He started, seeing how Brett's eyes were locked with his, a glint of fear in them. "If you had asked this question a few years back, I would have said that they are nothing but a bunch of chemicals that are manipulating our brain into the thinking that love is real, But-"
"But?" Brett's voice pitched in.
Eddy snickered. "But that was when I hadn't experienced love back then. But then you came into my life dancing and laughing and colored my world with shades I didn't even know existed. Adding a beautiful rainbow over me, over us. A rainbow that would never disappear. Bringing loads of laughter and making my heart flutter at every single action. And Brett, if that isn't love, then I don't know what is. I hope you realise how much I love you, and if necessary, I will remind you every day about it. Until it is very clear to you tha-"
He was shut by soft lips on his own. It was short and chaste, as if just to shut Eddy up. When Brett pulled away, his cheeks were rosy pink, out of breath and a bit flustered. But still, he still somehow playfully slapped Eddy's shoulder again. Eddy grumbled.
"I never doubted your love!" He said, with a wide smile and Eddy internally smirked.
Too egoistic to admit you are soft? Huh, Brett Yang?
Well, it didn't matter. Cause either way, Eddy reassured Brett of his love. So he nodded at his stance.
"That's good," He said, placing a kiss into his hair. "And I never want you to doubt it, alright?"
Brett laughed, his tired eyes having a sparkle under them even under this moonless night. "Never. I love you, Eddy," He mumbled, going back to resting his head on Eddy's chest.
Eddy sighed, placing yet another kiss into his hair. "I love you too."
Then there was comfortable silence between the two. Both relishing the night sky. Stars shone as sugar spilt over black marble, glistening in the sun. It was such a welcome sight.
But then Eddy felt Brett's body let out a small shiver. He looked down to see Brett who was wrapping his hands around himself. He furrowed his brows. His own voice mumbling-
Told you so-
Echoed through his head. But he simply huffed, wrapping his arms around Brett and lifting him without much effort. Brett too, was not startled because of it. He was honestly used to it by now. All those sudden lifts over the past 5 years had made him immune to it. So he just wrapped his arms around Eddy and heavily clinged to his warmth.
They walked back inside to their room, and Brett grumbled at the loss of contact as Eddy left him in the bed to turn the heater to the maximum temperature.
And when he returned, Brett did not waste a moment before he was wrapped around Eddy, their legs intertwined and breaths synchronised. He snuggled into Eddy's chest, relishing in the rumble that left Eddy's chest when he laughed.
"Eddy?" Brett asked, peeking his head up to look at his lover.
"Yeah?"
"I have another question."
"What is it?" Eddy asked.
"What do you think the meaning of life is for you?" Brett asked, curiosity evident in his voice.
Eddy laughed, hugging Brett tighter. "That's easy, love."
Brett gave him a challenging look. "So ? What is it then?"
Eddy looked into his eyes with pure love. "It's you."
Brett's cheeks were again stained in a deep shade of red yet again. He ducked his head down. "That's so cheesy, Eddy. No."
Eddy snickered. "Yeah! You are right! You are not the meaning of love-"
And Brett instantly perked his head up.
"You are my life."
There was silence. A quiet calm between them. Eyes locked, both unsure of what to say. But then Brett broke the silence. "You are so cheesy today I can't even," He snickered. Eddy punched him playfully on the shoulder.
"But what about you? What's the meaning of life for you?"
Brett chuckled, as if he was waiting for this moment all along. He leaned on his elbow and locked his eyes with Eddy. He smiled, and booped Eddy's nose.
"That I leave to you to figure out."
Eddy grumbled, followed by Brett laughing. But then there was silence yet again, as Brett slipped back into Eddy's arms. He craned his head up, looking at Brett with those adorable doe eyes. Cheeks still tainted red, intertwined hands resting on his chest.
Neither uttering a word and letting their eyes say it all. The world didn't matter here. The only thing that mattered was their love for one another. It was their presence that mattered to one another. Everything was slow. Everything was much more beautiful. Everything made them feel much more joyful. Here they could laugh for hours at end. Be in each other's arms for an eternity. Because here time didn't matter.
This was their little infinity.