Chapter Text
“Hey, Iwaizumi!”
“Shut up, Mattsun.”
“I haven’t said anything yet.”
“And yet I already know I won’t like it.”
“Come on, man!”
The crew watched the exchange with unmasked interest. Amusement could be found in the curves of their smiles, and their captain knew where to search for their impatience. Mattsun had been the one to go for it, but he was about to ask something that they all were dying to know the answer to. And maybe this time, Hajime could humor them.
Let it be known that he was a fair and good captain. A captain of one of the most feared pirate ships of the universe whose crew was primarily composed of very dangerous intergalactic criminals, which of course he was too, sure, but a good captain still.
“Fine. Ask away.”
The look in the engineer’s eyes spoke of mischief. His lips curled into his usual nonchalant smile. He folded his arms on the table and rested his chin on his right palm, propped up to support his head. The man’s voice, when he finally uttered a word, was careful on the edges, and rang sharp in the air. He wanted an answer, and now that he was going to get it, his impatience was showing through.
“Your tattoo, what’s it for?”
All eyes were on him, and soon, he was cornered by intense gazes from everywhere around him. They’d know if he lied, and they could always tell if he was leaving something out. They thought he owed them the truth, the whole and utterly complete truth, and maybe he did. He just wished he had more time. They say living a lie can be harder than facing the truth. How wrong they were.
His eyes met the ones of his fellow pirates and criminal masterminds as he scanned them one by one. Satisfied with what he saw, or rather didn’t see, he leaned against the back of his chair, the cold of the wood seeping through his shirt and cooling his heated skin. It was almost enough to make the buzzing in his ears fade away. Almost. They really had chosen the perfect opportunity to ask for his secrets, what with the alcohol clouding his mind.
“A promise.”
Some of them groaned, some of them laughed. Some acted as if falling asleep, too. He just fixed his eyes on Mattsun, who still hadn’t looked away. That man was one of the brightest minds Hajime had ever met. But that was shadowed by his determination. The engineer never knew when to quit, and even his brain couldn’t get him out of every situation he got himself caught into.
“What promise?”
“A promise I made.”
“When?”
“When I was 8.”
Thick eyebrows shot up, and for a second, Hajime thought they might disappear behind Mattsun’s hairline. The others showed various degrees of surprise too, their faces pulled into the funniest of frowns and grimaces. The captain would have laughed, be it under other circumstances. For now, he could only manage a smile, small and wavering.
“And what did you promise?”
Hajime brought his glass to his lips, the taste of beer dull on his tongue. It was always like this when he thought about the swirling lines and twirling colors merging to form the tattoo that stood proudly on his tan skin. But he normally didn’t let his mind take him back to the mark’s origins. Damn alcohol, controlling his mind better than his heart ever could. Of course, Hajime didn’t fight the flow of memories from flooding his mind, although he could’ve. There were battles he knew he had to lose so he’d win the war.
For a moment, a few seconds, he was lost. Lost to his friends, to his crew. To the Aobajohsai and to his world. But he’d never been more certain of where he was. A pair of chocolate eyes stared back into his green ones, a smile brighter than the stars and worth more than them all pulled at beautiful lips, a voice as soft and beautiful as the melodious songs of birds and the crashing of the waves on the shore they stood on… he was home.
“I promised I’d defeat him.”
Silence had always been something he revealed in. Something he loved and enjoyed. Silence was grounding. Like gravity, and laughter and tears. Silence was perfect because it was intricate, heavy with so much emotions that spoke more than words ever would. But it was also simple, because then only your thoughts mattered. Only your voice could be heard over the raging depths of your soul. It always made sense, when there was silence.
“Wow. 8 years old, and you’d already found your own arch nemesis. Consider me impressed. And strangely jealous.”
Kuroo chugged down the rest of his drink before slamming his cup on the table, narrowly missing Mattsun’s fingers. He owned himself a pretty menacing glare, but he didn’t notice that. His preoccupations laid elsewhere. Cat like eyes were almost shining in the weak lighting of the pub they had dubbed good enough for their night of drinking and halfhearted partying.
“You gonna show us, or what?”
Soon, Bokuto was eagerly smiling in all directions, his owlish eyes unable to settle on one thing for more than a second. Kuroo was still smirking, the jackass, and Mattsun seemed to have allowed some of his own eagerness to pierce through his usually well crafted facade of sleepiness. Even Kyoutani, from where he was sitting beside Hajime, had ceased his growling for a few seconds in the form of his barely there agreement.
Hajime could not blame them for their curiosity. Most of his crew didn’t have tattoos, and the few that ever did had long since completed the small promises they had vowed a part of their soul to, and so, ink had faded away. They all had been stuck in a life of constant fight or flight before they joined his ranks, and so they’d never really had any interest in bounding themselves to a promise they didn’t know if they’d ever had the time to hold. The captain knew, for example, that the only thing Makki had ever swore to do yet in his entire life had been to dye his hair pink, which he promptly did the minute he was given his first credits after a job well done.
All in all, unless you truly knew the extent of the act and were ready to take on the responsibility, it was very rare to make a promise. And most bargains were dealt with in a way that did not involve the scarring of your body or even words that would ever put a part of you on the line. Most people in the universe went their entire lives without once having a tattoo etched onto their skin. But Hajime had grown up with the tales of old warriors and grand thieves bound to obedience by only the reminder of their own honor in colors and shapes. He had grown up waiting for a day to come, a day that would see beautiful promises and daring ink unfold on his skin. A day that would see him finally become everything he ever wished of being.
Hajime had always dreamed of one thing in this world. He dreamed of being strong enough to travel the sea of stars and the galaxies, painted in all the colors of the world. He dreamed of being strong enough to always be free. That freedom, he had always wanted to share it. And who better to do that with than his very best friend in the world?
In all of his grand search for freedom, he had found the gravity that would hold his soaring heart close. One thing that would be his only prison, the only shadow to his bright stars. And that came in the form of a promise.
“You better take one damn good look, ‘cause I’m not doing this again.”
Hajime put his empty glass on the table and chanced one last glance at his crew. His friends. His family. The ones he trusted with his life and would happily die for, if it’d ever come to that. They were all solemn, for once. Their features were pulled into a serious yet relaxed smile, but their eyes were telling a different story. They knew this meant a lot for the man. Their captain had kept his tattoo a secret for a long time, and even when they found out, he always had something covering the sacred ink.
He lifted his shirt over his hand with ease even in the daze of inhibition, and he put the white piece of fabric on his lap, straightening up once more. Again, all eyes were on him, but they had never left. Hajime took a deep breath before opening his eyes, and he’d barely registered he had even closed them in the first place that his mind was going blank.
Most of what he saw was honest to God awe. Then came the shock, and even sadness poke through some of his friend’s swirling of emotions battling it out on their face, clear as day. Even Mattsun had let go of every bit of control he possessed to create his facade of choice. Hajime was grateful. They cared enough to show regret and sadness for him. And they cared enough to still face him while bearing it. It made this all the more complicated but somehow comforting.
“… I’m so sorry, man.”
“Don’t worry about it. I made peace with it a while ago.”
“But… you said you swore to defeat him…”
“I did.”
Hajime pulled his shirt over his head and hid the mark. He could hear his heart beating in his ears, and he knew it was the same rhythm that was always beating just behind his scar. Just behind his bounds and chains. The rhythm that never lied against the only truth the man would ever know. It was fitting. Perfect and intricate and simple all at once, just like a silence found in the dead of night. Just like a love that was never lost.
Hajime smiled to himself. That had been all it took. One look, one smile. One laugh. And he was gone. Lost and found. He’d been bound to his home by his gravity and had soared to the skies with a piece of it nonetheless. Just like he had too. The love of his life, the best friend he could have ever wished for, and the one man he’d give everything to defeat one day.
They say living a lie can be harder than facing the truth. Oh, how right they had been.
It’s easy to get attached, easier even to give in when you know exactly how much you can gain. But some truths can become lies, with time. Just like lies can be the truths of another’s mind.
The victory he craved for was the one thing grounding him, the one thing reminding him of the feeling of freedom. But it was also his living lie, because he knew. He knew he’d rather die a thousand deaths than defeat the heart he so carefully cradled in the palm of his hands and held close to his own so their rhythms could be one again.
After all, love was perfect. An intricate lie and a simple truth all at once, and it had never learned how to be fair.
☀️
Tooru smiled, all teeth and no joy. His mind screamed at him to run away, but his heart had decided for him a long time ago. Even so far away, it ruled as master of his emotions and king of his soul. It stood galaxies away, millions and millions of stars and suns and moons away, but it had more control over him than his own words and all of his promises. Because you can never truly forget the first mark on your skin, whether it still scars you or not. That was the reality of every being in this universe that ever made a promise.
Of course, he had seen the blow coming a mile away. The man he was facing was not what one would call a good fighter. He showed every crack in his armor without even realizing it. He swung his fists too much and too little at the same time, and it seemed his brain could not quite keep up with his limbs.
But Tooru took the punch to the jaw anyway. It didn’t really hurt or anything. And it didn’t even make him lose an inch of his balance. And the punch seemed to have hurt his adversary, if you could even call him that, more than him. Quite frankly, it was a laughable attempt at a right hook that had the man smiling brighter.
Of course, it wasn’t from the pathetic excuse of a living being his instincts wanted him to run away from.
“You should consider changing your line of work. You’re not cut out for this.”
One punch and the man was falling down hard, knocked unconscious. Tooru stepped over him and finally ran. He had three seconds. Better make a damn good use of it. Three… two… one…
He barely had his fingers around the small disk that he was being sent flying across the whole width of the room, crashing against cold metal walls and floor that did nothing to soften his landing.
He couldn’t remember falling unconscious, but he didn’t have time to dwell on that. He had to get out of here now, or else he’d have even bigger problems than he already had pilling up on his plate. And he already had a fair amount, thank you very much. So there was truly one last thing to do. Run like hell.
He managed, somehow, to stand up again and execute his oh so thought of and not at all spur of the moment like plan. He ran like hell. He didn’t look back once, didn’t take the time to properly assess his surroundings, which resulted in a twisted ankle and an angry shout when he collided into pathetic-excuse-of-a-human-being on his way to the doors.
But he did make it outside in time before the second and bigger explosion could sent the room to, well, hell. Thank God for small mercies.
His hold on the small piece of metal tightened and he was running again, forgetting all about twisted ankles and aching knees. He didn’t have time for that. He had what he had come here for, which meant it was time for a swift escape. He made it through the endless hallways of the fortress and finally found himself in the hangar, his ship still hidden in the corner behind crates and heavy metal equipment. It was time to go. The admiral ship wouldn’t wait for him forever.
Three hours, some very welcomed ice on his ankle and a lecture from his friend and doctor Yahaba Shigeru later, he was allowed to leave the medical wing of the government ship, and promptly retired to his apartment. At least the hallways of the ship had a good lighting. If he tripped again tonight, he might just stay sprawled on the floor and dub it his new bed for an unknown amount of time. Or just maybe until he could get up again.
The door to his room opened automatically after a swipe of his thumb on the small panel beside it. The lights were on and Tooru stepped in with a sigh, finally letting go of the stiffness in his shoulders and allowing them to drop. God, this had been harder than he thought it would be. It was still worth it, of course. The man would give his right arm for the small disk he brought up to eye level for inspection. Well, after reflection, maybe not his arms, nor his legs. His knee, sure, that one he’d give for free.
How do you give your knee but not the rest of your leg? Is it even possible? Maybe if he’d replace his knee he could keep his leg. That’d be so strange…
“Good evening, Oikawa Tooru. My sensors indicate your pain medication has taken effect.”
That… made sense.
“Good evening to you too, Kiyoko. Do I have any missed calls or transmissions?”
“No missed call or transmission.”
“Thank you.”
“You are welcome.”
The A.I didn’t say anything else, and Tooru didn’t feel like starting a conversation right now. He had bigger worries to attend to. Like catching up on hours and hours of sleep. But that could wait a bit longer too. He had to make sure his stolen item did contain the information he needed. Or else his superiors would really be pissed. He promised them results, and he knew he had to show for it.
Plus, if he made a promise, he’d keep it. Everybody knew that about him. He was a man of his words. One of the last ones.
That’s exactly why that stupidly hard to acquire little disk was so damn important.
He finally tore his eyes away from it and looked around his room. If he headed toward his bed, he would fall asleep. If he sat at his desk and refused to rest his arms on the table, there were less chances of him falling asleep. And if he stayed up like this for a few more minutes, he knew he’d make true on his words of tripping and staying down. So, uncomfortable desk chair it is. He made his way to it and sat down, his legs almost crying out in relief. He straightened his back and pushed away all thought of sleeping. Easy enough to do.
Now, where was he? Oh, yes, pain meds acting out on his sleep deprived brain… and promises and promises and promises, like always… and metal…? No, no, small metal piece… yes, the disk he had in his hand, and that he still had in his hand! That disk! Yes.
“Oikawa, do you require assistance?”
“Huh… yes, please. I… huh… I need to crack the code on that thing and get all the information from its core. It’s really important.”
“I’ll get right on it.”
“Once you have it, put it in my confidential folders. Title: the Aobajohsai. Do not let anybody else access the codes, and erase the process from your memory’s historic after, please.”
“Yes, Oikawa. While I complete this task, you should get some rest.”
The man chuckled, finally giving in and burying his head in his arms, propped up on the cool metal of the desk. Now that Kiyoko had everything under control, he could sleep, right? He had barely managed to utter something along the lines of ‘warn me when it's done…’ before his eyelids closed and his brain gave way to sleep.
“Sleep well, Oikawa Tooru.”
Some hours later, his neck was stiff and he no longer felt his arms, but at least his head was clear. Mostly clear. As he had asked, Kiyoko had woken him up when the task had been completed, although something told him that the A.I had purposefully taken its sweet time so as to let him rest longer. He didn’t voice his hypothesis, he knew he wouldn’t get his answer, so he muttered a sleepy thank you and rose from his chair. He needed coffee.
“Kiyoko, open the Aobajohsai folder for me, please.”
“Here it is.”
“Thank you.”
His tablet in hand, he scrolled through all the information he had gathered over five years and memorized since then, finally coming upon the new section, provided by the core of the disk he had retrieved the night before. He clicked the section opened.
He almost didn’t hear the A.I. Almost.
“Oikawa, are you alright?”
He didn’t open his eyes yet. He couldn’t, to say the truth. He couldn’t find it in himself to face it right now, even though he didn’t know what exactly it was he’d have to face. How could he? He didn’t know for sure if his informer was right. Maybe he’d just find things he already knew written on the screen. Or maybe it’d just be useless information.
Or maybe it’d be the one thing he needed to get to him.
For the first time in a long, long time, Tooru felt dread settle deep in his stomach, squeezing his missing heart painfully. He was scared to open his eyes and scared of what he’d find of the stolen core. He was scared of what he was about to do, scared of what it would imply for him, and for his heart. His heart, galaxies and seas of stars away. He was terrified.
He didn’t want to get his hopes up, and wasn’t that funny, when he didn’t even know what he was hoping to find. He felt like laughing, suddenly. And he did, which Kiyoko apparently didn’t take kindly to.
“Are you laughing at me, Oikawa Tooru?”
“No, no, Kiyoko, I’m not. I’m just laughing, that’s all.”
“Oh, sorry. Did you recall a funny thing?”
“More like the saddest of things that’s ever happened to me.”
The A.I hummed thoughtfully, or at least that’s how Tooru chose to interpret it. Than, there was silence, for a few seconds, and somehow, he found himself looking at the screen of his tablet again. At first, he didn’t see anything standing out, just lines of text and words pulled together to form sentences after sentences. He didn’t know where to focus, where to start. His brain seemed to have suddenly forgotten how to read, or something like it.
But there were some things you just couldn’t seem to forget, no matter how hard you wished you could. Some things that would stay on your mind for your entire life, as if it had been a very part of you since your birth. As if it was what made you who you were. And perhaps it did. Be it the smell of your mother’s favorite coffee, a smell you had grown up with and would always associate with kisses on the cheeks and proud smiles that brightened up any dark days, or the feeling of cold water lapping at your feet, soothing all worries and heartbreaks alike, and leaving you with a peacefulness only the sea could grant you. Some things would never leave you, just like some were always meant to be forgotten. They would become more than memories, and they were free of the prison of time. Just like promises, and ink and colors on your skin.
Sometimes, it was a smell, or a feeling. Sometimes, it was the name of your soulmate, of your best friend and first and only love. Sometimes, it was just a word that could destroy your entire world or make it the paradise you always wished it would be. It could be letters that, once put together, formed a dream you would never stop chasing after.
And so your mind makes sure you never forget that word, that name, those precious letters. If perhaps it kept on seeing it everywhere at first, now, it would take its time, and would search for it. Your eyes would feel a pull, and look, and chase it, until you found it.
That was how Tooru found himself looking at his best friend’s name, in a confidential folder no one else had access to beside him and Kiyoko. A confidential folder he had spent five years gathering information in. The folder that contained everything he knew about Aobajohsai. And his best friend’s, his almost’s, his only love’s name was written in it. Black on white. Or more like blue on glass like white, but the point was there.
Of course, he knew about this. Doesn’t mean he was above choosing to deny it. And so he had chosen to live a lie, hoping maybe if he believed it hard enough, it would become true. Maybe it had been hopeless since the start, maybe it had never been worth it, but… he couldn’t do anything else. Couldn’t find it in himself to condemn his best friend, his Iwa-chan, to the life of a criminal. He had been working on this for half a decade, and had kept on looking and looking for anything that would prove him right, but it seemed life loved to prove him wrong.
So, here he was, forced to accept that Iwaizumi Hajime truly had given up on a normal life. The man wasn’t living a quiet life with a wife or husband somewhere on a small planet, wasn’t raising his children to be law abiding citizens. And as much as it hurt Tooru to even think about Hajime finding someone to love that wasn’t him, he would have preferred that over this any day of the week.
At least it would mean he didn’t have to fight his best friend.
Oikawa Tooru was a man of his words. One of the last ones, in a world where loyalty laid where the money was and promises were collected as trophies whether they were held or not. In a world where a word was worth only the time it took to be said, and was as trustworthy as the shifting tides of the seas.
But there was one promise he made, one that he loved more than he should have. One he did not intend on holding on. He couldn’t, his missing heart would never forgive him otherwise. And so it had been a long time ago that he had decided to keep one mark, one scar, forever. He loved it more than the star it depicted and never wanted to see it fade away. He’d rather die. He probably will, but that’s a worry for another day.
“Do you have all the information you need? Is there anything missing?”
“No, Kiyoko, it’s all there. You can close the folder now. And schedule a meeting with the team. Tomorrow, 10 o’clock.”
“The members of the task force have been alerted.”
“One last thing.”
Tooru could remember that day as if it had been only yesterday, not 7 years ago. He could remember green eyes staring into his own with something akin to regret, and remorse. He could still feel the cold wind almost making him fall over, the icy waters of the sea coming up to his knees. He could still hear it, the words he had screamed, his voice breaking into a sob before he could even finish his sentence.
It was his first promise, his first and the only lie he had ever told. He had felt it, the tattoo being etched on his skin, the ink unfurling into soft curves and the beautiful colors taking over his pale skin. He had known, even then, as his heart was being torn away from him and leaving with a smile on his lips, that he’d be lying.
And he could still remember every word of the answer he got. Words that had been a constant in his life until then, words that were his gravity and his wings all at once, and that changed his world as much as the name of the man that had said them.
“I’ll find you! I’ll find you, you stupid brute! I swear I’ll find you, even if it’s the last thing I do!”
His heart had smiled, bright in the night and reflected in the splashing and crashing waters of the soothing sea. Bright even through the violent wind he had caused with the stupidly big engines of his pirate ship. He had smiled, that night, Hajime. Smiled and screamed his first promise too. And Tooru had been there, standing knee deep into icy waters and trying to cover his eyes full of tears from the wind, screaming to all hell after his best friend that was about to take off into the night without looking back.
“Then I’ll defeat you, I'll always escape you and you’ll just have to find me again. I swear I’ll defeat you, Tooru.”
“You can certainly try, you freaking idiot!”
He’d remember it for all of his life, just like the smell of his mother’s favorite coffee and the feeling of the waves lapping at his bare feet. He’d remember it just like he remembered his Iwa-chan’s promise. There had been tears in his eyes, and a ‘I love you’ on Hajime’s lips. And he’d remember it, because he’d give the world just to keep that promise close to his missing heart forever.
“Make sure the Seijoh is ready. We’re leaving tomorrow after I’ve briefed everyone.”
“Are you planning on going after the pirates?”
“That’s what I was hired for, wasn’t it?”